Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Soup's On	By : OfFansAndFlames Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1793 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters mentioned. I make no money on this fiction.

Chapter List
- 43
- 44
- 45
The explosion of activity that day in the cafeteria had given way to peace. As busy as he’d been the past few months, Sasuke felt strange having so little to attend to. This did, however, leave plenty of time for thought. He’d called Juugo’s cell phone three times in the first thirty hours and left one message. He could call the landline and probably get in touch with his parents, but Sasuke didn’t want to be invasive. In the next day that passed, he refrained from contacting Juugo, but he was uncharacteristically relieved when Suigetsu called after school to invite Sasuke to lunch.
“I still can’t believe they suspended you,” Karin sighed.
What better place to catch up on the last four days’ occurrences than In N Out? The restaurant was packed, the raucous din of surrounding customers granting them privacy. Sasuke bit into his burger: no cheese, extra lettuce and tomatoes. Artery clogging and fattening, but totally worth it. If only Naruto could have been here to enjoy this. Even if he could have been introduced to Sasuke’s friends, he was currently at work at the labor center.
“Just protocol. I’m not in any real trouble.”
Suigetsu shook his head, grabbing a fry out of the cheesy, gooey monstrosity the three of them were sharing. He wiggled the fry to separate it from the tenacious cheese.
“That’s such bullshit. It was so obvious that you were just trying to save Kabuto’s ass.”
“Yeah!” Karin maintained angrily. “And if the teachers had actually been doing their jobs and had restrained Juugo, then you wouldn’t have had to risk your ass by stepping in at all.”
Sasuke took a sip of his water.
“They should be thanking you! You could’ve really gotten hurt!”
Sasuke remembered how frightened Karin looked when Sasuke stepped in front of Juugo. He was sure that this was the very last position anyone in the room would’ve wanted to take. Karin could act so fucking stupid when she was infatuated with Sasuke. Sasuke knew she was a bright girl, which was partially why it annoyed him so much. But whatever she felt for Sasuke didn’t stop at infatuation. He knew that now.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Sasuke answered coolly. “Compared to the last time I got suspended, the teachers are hardly assigning me any work. It’s basically a mandatory vacation. No one wanted to suspend me.”
“Whatever, dude,” Suigetsu answered, sighing with burger in his mouth. “It’s the principle of it. ‘S not right.”
Sasuke shrugged. The principle of it did irk him, honestly. His school was punishing him for doing something that could have saved it from some horrible press and a nasty lawsuit. But no one wanted to put their asses on the line, and in all practicality, as Sasuke had said, it really was not that big of a deal. He certainly could use the sleep, and his body was thanking him fervently for the recharge.
Really, it was improving everything. He had truly needed this “mandatory vacation.” He caught up on sleep, had more time with Naruto, worked ahead in school, and got more chances to visit Itachi in the hospital. He noticed that his emotional state was improving as well. Cutting his psychiatric medication in the last month had been a bad idea, but did he have any other choice?
He ran out of refills. In all of Itachi’s stress, he had forgotten to ensure that Sasuke saw his doctor for a new script. And Sasuke, knowing that most of it would probably come from their own pockets, didn’t press matters. He wondered if that could have played in to some of the decisions he had been making, but his body was exiting withdrawal stages now. Besides, he’d already been tapered down to a much lower dose over the past several months. He knew that Post-traumatic Stress Disorder could be temporary, so he wondered if he’d even need it again.
“How long do they have you out?” Suigetsu asked.
“They’re suspending me until break. So I won’t be back to school until almost mid January.”
He supposed they figured it would be neat and easy. Break was about two weeks long anyhow, so why not just send him back with everyone else? Sasuke was grateful for this. Hopefully people would have at least partially tamed their curiosity by then.
“Holy shit.”
“At least it saves me all the gossip,” Sasuke answered, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah…” Karin answered uncertainly.
Sasuke glanced over at her, an unspoken request for an explanation.
“People are…” Karin stated.
Suigetsu crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
“They think our group is crazy. They think you’re a badass, Sasuke, but they think you’re involved in bad things. And they’re terrified of Juugo, and some are even a little scared of you. There are all these crazy backstories…”
Sasuke nodded. He could kind of see why his classmates might be terrified of Juugo, after what they’d all seen. They didn’t know the side of Juugo that Sasuke, Karin, and Suigetsu did. Not only did Juugo keep company with Kabuto, who was known as one of the most well-connected, mysterious, and hazardous members of the student body, but he had also put said man in the hospital in front of every last one of them. Kabuto hadn’t even stood a chance. They watched a massive explosion of rage that left even Sasuke speechless. Of course, the rumor mill wouldn’t just stop with the truth.
Sugietsu laughed, “Oh, get this, get this. Some of them are saying that Juugo does crack in the bathroom and that he stabbed his dad.”
Sasuke pursed his lips, staring downwards. The rumors made him angry. Juugo didn’t deserve that sort of thing. Maybe Sasuke didn’t care what people thought about him, but Juugo… Sasuke was one of the few people who knew how insecure Juugo could get. Suigetsu was obviously just amused by the extent of their classmates’ idiocy, but Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to find anything funny in the situation.
“Those idiots will believe anything,” Karin commented with an eye roll.
“They’re maggots,” Sasuke said quietly but venomously. “I don’t want to discuss them anymore.”
The other two stopped eating momentarily to look over at Sasuke, distracted by his abrupt change in tone. They hadn’t heard Sasuke speak like in the past few months, and it was beginning to sound foreign again.
“Okay, Sasuke,” Karin answered, taken aback.
The three continued to eat for a while in a questionably awkward silence.
“So, have you heard anything from Juugo?” Suigetsu asked Sasuke.
“Nothing yet. I left a message on his cell though.”
“Yeah, Suigetsu and I both tried calling him too, but he didn’t pick up,” Karin remarked, sounding a little worried.
“Hm…” Sasuke stated, trailing off as he fished a drier fry out of the tray. The fact that Karin and Suigetsu hadn’t heard from Juugo didn’t come as a shock. Sasuke knew that of the three of them, he was definitely the one Juugo would contact first. Still, it didn’t sit well with him.
“Has Kabuto reared his ugly head yet?”
“Not yet,” Karin answered. “We figured he’s either in the hospital or recovering at home.”
“So, I take it you guys aren’t dealing with him anymore?”
Suigetsu emitted a sheepish “heh”, and Karin crossed her arms and looked off in the opposite direction. Sasuke took that as a no.
“You’re serious, Suigetsu?” Sasuke asked, his tone wordlessly inquiring “can you really be this stupid?”
“I know, I know. Kabuto’s a dick. But he’s saying he’s gonna give me and Karin trouble if I don’t go through this with him.”
“Big surprise,” Sasuke answered, rolling his eyes.
“So seriously, just this one time. I’ll make lots of money off of it too, and then I won’t deal with him anymore.”
“He’s told me the same shit, Suigetsu. I turned him down, and yet here I magically am.”
“Yeah, because Juugo beat the shit out of Kabuto for you,” Suigetsu contended. “You still don’t know what Kabuto would’ve done if that hadn’t happened.”
This was true, of course. Sasuke had called Kabuto’s bluff, but it had been a risk. Even now, Sasuke wasn’t sure he was safe.
“So what will you do when you go through with this, and he puts you under the same conditions?”
“He told me he wouldn’t.”
Sasuke stared at Suigetsu flatly, feeling that no words were necessary. That just might force Suigetsu to think about what he said and realize how profoundly idiotic it was.
“I’ll tell him he’s lost his credibility and turn him down, face the music. I just don’t want any trouble.”
“Strange words coming from someone about to break into a house,” Sasuke muttered under his breath so that none of the other diners could hear.
“Look…  I can take chances. I just don’t want…” Suigetsu was glancing over at Karin now. “You know…”
Sasuke didn’t know whether Suigetsu was using Karin as an excuse or not. He did, however, know that Suigetsu was legitimately protective of Karin. Karin had tried to interfere when Juugo had flown into a rage, and Suigetsu had quickly pulled her away, stepping forward to the task instead. You’d be more likely to find this couple whacking each other over the head or fiercely making out than you would be to find them in any sort of tender moment.
“What exactly are you expecting him to do to the two of you?”
“He’s not gonna budge, Sasuke. I tried,” Karin sighed theatrically. “Believe me.”
“Whatever,” Sasuke stated, shaking his head. “Don’t say we didn’t warn you.”
The three of them shrugged it off, making small talk until they finished their food. Sasuke returned home. Naruto was still at the labor center. Again, he found his busy hands unoccupied. This didn’t suit him, so he read ahead for spring semester and mowed one of his neighbor’s lawns.
Sasuke scrubbed at the light layer of green on his shoes and took a shower. His house was empty, and oddly enough, that felt strange. He couldn’t imagine telling himself that this would ever be the case when they moved into this building. The past year, the place was little more than a hotel to him. The sound of another’s footsteps, or a playing TV that he wasn’t watching, was a marked departure from the norm. But now the silence was so unfamiliar.
Sasuke lay in bed, again, alone. He didn’t mind it all that much, but his mind wandered… Would this be what it was like when Naruto left? Sasuke’s room looked as if Naruto had never been there at all, other than the bag of Skittles on the desk. Sasuke didn’t mind this currently. A little space was good for them both, and he’d honestly missed solitude. But he didn’t want to think about the possibility of solitude, once again, becoming the norm.
He opened a Sudoku game on his phone, expert difficulty, tinkering away at it as his harddrive quietly defragged on the other side of his room. Sasuke could’ve sworn his computer had somehow been swamped with some nasty malware… Naruto had probably been looking up porn on incognito mode, that dumbass. At this point, Sasuke could only defrag and pray. Rock music was gently playing through his room, one of Naruto’s favorite songs. He was mercifully spared Naruto’s singing.
His cell phone rang, now a slow and lazy tune from a band called Mother Mother clashing with his radio. Sasuke grabbed the phone and saw an unfamiliar number on the call ID. Normally, he wouldn’t have answered this. However, there were plenty of people he needed to hear from. He turned the radio off.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Sasuke.”
Sasuke sat up in bed at the familiar voice, holding the phone to his ear. His eagerness didn’t allow him to have this conversation lying down, and he felt his heartbeat quicken, just slightly. Had he been more concerned than he’d realized?
“Hey, Juugo.”
“So… How’s life?” Juugo ambled awkwardly.
“Fine,” Sasuke answered, refraining from teasing him for his awkwardness.
He didn’t want to press Juugo. Of course, the questions were undeniable. What had happened to Juugo that day? What kind of trouble was he in? When would he be coming back to school? Would he ever come back to school? Where was he? Yet Sasuke could handle a mundane conversation, even in the midst of all of these unknowns, if it was what Juugo wanted.
“So… I know you must have a lot of questions…”
“You only have to answer one.”
“Anything.”
“You’re going to be okay now, right?” Sasuke asked uncertainly.
“I’m fine,” Juugo told Sasuke, and Sasuke could hear the smile in his voice over the receiver.
“You had me worried, you fucking asshole,” Sasuke chided, feeling torn between giving Juugo a pat on the back and punching him in the face yet again.
“Oh, I’ve gotten the great Uchiha Sasuke to worry? Goodness.”
Despite that remark, Sasuke knew that Juugo would never leave him hanging like this if he could help it. If he could’ve, he would’ve called Sasuke back.
“Whatever, wiseass. Why didn’t you call me back?”
Sasuke heard a few people talking in the background as Juugo went silent.
“I’ve…been a little…” Juugo sighed, evidently rethinking his approach. “Sasuke, I’m in the hospital.”
Sasuke held the phone a couple inches from his ear, regarding it incredulously. He was sitting up in bed now fully.
“Please tell me you’re fucking with me.”
“I wish I were. But again, the point is that I’m fine.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Sasuke asked bluntly, never one for finesse in such situations.
Juugo chuckled quietly at Sasuke’s lack of manners.
“It’s not… The normal part of the hospital.”
“Hm?”
“It’s…the part for uh… You know…”
Juugo stumbled along. Sasuke would’ve stepped in for him, but he had no idea where Juugo was going with this.
“The crazies,” Juugo admitted with a sigh.
Sasuke bit his cheek, and his eyes drifted downwards onto his comforter. He remembered the way Juugo trembled after he’d beaten Kabuto and the look of pure confusion on his face. Even still, Sasuke could see suspension over that. Court dates, even expulsion. But this?
“They have you in a psych ward?” asked disbelievingly.
“Yup.”
“Why?” Sasuke inquired instinctively. He paused, remembering that he was, again, trying to respect Juugo’s privacy. “You don’t have to answer that.”
“That’s…kind of a loaded question.”
“Fair.”
“They took me there right after the fight. It’s more a…”
That answered something for Sasuke, at least. Juugo hadn’t done anything worse after he was done with Kabuto. Still, this made even less sense to him. Why would this be the school’s first resort?
“Look, Sasuke… I really want to explain this to you, but…” Juugo’s voice descended to a hurried whisper, forcing Sasuke to cram his ear against the receiver. “There’s this patient behind me right now with horrible B.O., and he keeps staring at me. This is really fucking awkward, so I’m just gonna go.”
Despite everything, Sasuke smirked.
“Alright, just check in with me later.”
“Hey, Sasuke…”
“Hm?”
“I hate to ask you to…associate with me in a place like this, or even bring you here… But I might be here a while, and my parents hog up my entire visiting hour every day since they only let in two people at the same time. For once, they have to leave at 6 today, and hours are 5:30 to 6:30. If you wanted to…for once there would be an opportunity to…”
“Juugo.”
“Yeah?”
“You seriously think I give a fuck about where I’m visiting you? Yeah, I’ll be there. 6 even?”
Juugo sighed in relief. Juugo had known Sasuke would be cool about this, that he wouldn’t try to brutally extract information from him, demand explanations, or worse, forsake him completely. Still, his mind had kept imagining worst case scenarios. Who would want to hang out with a nut like him?
“Yeah, Las Haciendas. Adult ward, 2 south. See ya.”
“See ya.”
After Sasuke hung up his phone, he allowed himself to settle back in his bed, letting out a prolonged sigh. So, Juugo was in a psych ward? And an adult ward, to make matters worse. Sasuke had hoped that since Juugo was only eighteen, they would have grouped him with the adolescents. However, given the reason he was there to begin with and his massive size, Sasuke supposed he could respect the decision.
He hated the idea of Juugo being stuck there. He didn’t know much about psych wards. He’d seen them on TV and the movies though. It didn’t exactly seem like an island resort to him. It had taken some discipline on his part not to press Juugo for answers. Sasuke was normally wonderful when it came to respecting privacy, but this was a situation that begged for a resolution. Most of it, really, was just that Sasuke was worried. That, and he felt like perhaps he didn’t know his friend nearly as well as he thought he did. What exactly could have been wrong with Juugo for them to have sent him to such a place?
“There are some elements involved in this situation that you are unaware of," Principal Sarutobi had told Sasuke the day of the fight. Was this what the old man had been talking about?
Sasuke glanced at his phone. It was 5:02, so he had about thirty minutes to get himself to the bus stop. He sprawled a note out for Naruto that he was going to visit Itachi in the hospital. It was true, technically. All he had to do after visiting Juugo was to walk just down the street to reach Itachi’s room. By the time Juugo’s visiting hours were over, the Colbert Report should be about to play. He’d watch it with Itachi and keep him some company.
On the bus, Sasuke wondered what exactly awaited him. Was he going to find out the meaning behind Principal Sarutobi’s vague references? What had Juugo wanted to tell him? What was he going to find out about his friend? As his mind sifted over that subject matter, he also found himself curious in a more general sense. What did the inside of a psych ward even look like? What would the other patients be like?
He walked into the appropriate building. 2 south… He boarded the elevator and got off at the second floor, asking for directions to the ward. It was almost 6 exactly. He was intercepted, however, by a familiar pair of adults. Juugo’s mother, a thin woman with graying red hair and yoga pants, quickly ran over to Sasuke and hugged him tightly before he had a chance to say anything. Sasuke didn’t hug back, but he didn’t exactly resist.
“Sasuke! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!”
Juugo’s father, a tall and overpowering Irish man with bright green eyes by the name of Kou, stood beside them. He rolled his eyes at his wife’s over exuberance and waved at Sasuke over his wife’s shoulder.
“Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you so much from saving my little boy from getting ahead of himself,” Juugo’s mother told him, her voice cracking now.
As Sasuke had known, the idea of Juugo’s parents pressing charges against him was preposterous. It sounded funny to hear anyone call Juugo a “little boy.” The man was enormous, but he supposed, to Aiko, Juugo would always be her little boy. Despite how nauseating it was, a part of Sasuke felt a little jealous as he remembered his own mother. Considering where Juugo was right now, however, Sasuke couldn’t allow the feeling too much reign.
Aiko parted from Sasuke, smiling at him with tears in her eyes.
“Don’t mention it.”
“How have things been, dear?” she said with concerned eyes, both of her hands on Sasuke’s shoulders now. “How has the last year been treating you?”
“Don’t overwhelm the kid,” Juugo’s father piped up. “Hey Sasuke, how ya doin?”
“Fine. You guys?”
Probably a stupid question, considering. But how else would he respond to such a typical prompt?
“Hanging in there,” Kou mumbled.
“You know, a mother has to worry. It’s in the job description,” Aiko added with a slight chuckle. “Juugo had been doing so well for such a while. I never thought…”
“Aiko…” Kou interrupted, staring at his wife firmly.
Sasuke couldn’t help but look confused. “For such a while”? Meaning that something had happened in the past? But Sasuke assumed that Kou saw the information as Juugo’s, to disclose as he saw fit. Aiko, as much as she’d always adored Sasuke, had a nasty tendency to tell Sasuke a little too much at times.
“Right… Well, we have to get going. We won’t keep you from Juugo.”
“Okay. Bye.”
Juugo’s dad pat Sasuke on the shoulder.
“Later, kiddo.”
Aiko gave Sasuke another one of her bone-crunchingly genuine hugs. How could such a small woman muster up so much strength?
“Bye bye, Sasuke. Don’t be a stranger. I miss having you around the house!”
Sasuke gave her a light smile, waving at Juugo’s parents as they walked past him. He turned towards the door Juugo’s parents had walked from. The walls were white, and the carpet was a dark grey. He reached a desk with a small speaker system attached.
“I’m here for visiting hours.”
A young pony-tailed nurse addressed Sasuke.
“Patient?”
“Tenbin Juugo.”
“Just a moment.”
The nurse disappeared for a couple minutes, then returned to her desk. The door buzzed.
“Alright, come in.”
Sasuke opened the door. It was heavy and thick as he swung it back. When he opened the door, he came into a short hallway. The walls, again, were stark white, the floor the same dull color of grey. Sasuke passed through the hallway, the nurse coming again to meet him. She guided him through the empty hallway and entered the closest room on their right.
The room had tiled floors, with several large windows taking up the west wall and looking down at a basketball court. They fully illuminated the room, the ceiling lights currently useless. Sasuke squinted to notice that these windows were covered with a firm wire mesh. There was a wall on the opposite side of the room labeled The Wall of Hope, which what appeared to have drawings and multi-colored letters tacked upon it.
Patients were quietly talking to each other, some laughing, some reading. A couple nurses socialized by the door. There were several large rectangular tables, bolted to the ground along with their chairs. Four patients were playing cards in a corner, while another sat with his back to them, slowly rocking back and forth and making a low whistling noise. Some of the patients looked a little…off, sure. But it wasn’t as horrible as what he’d imagined. Despite the fact that Sasuke knew that this most certainly wasn’t all there was to this place, he was at least glad for this.
It didn’t take long for Sasuke to spot Juugo, sitting right by the window with his head propped up by his hand. He was lazily watching birds twitter outside the window, a serene expression on his face. Sasuke looked at him for just a couple seconds to mentally prepare himself before moving forward, Juugo still unaware of his presence.
“Hey, Juugo,” Sasuke stated quietly, taking a seat across from Juugo, his face half obscured as he stared out the window. A patient sat behind Sasuke, tapping their feet as they read a magazine.
“Hey, Sasuke.”
Juugo continued to watch the birds for several seconds, during which Sasuke felt far more awkward than he would during most situations. What was there to say in a situation like this, anyhow? After everything that had happened in that cafeteria? And with Juugo stuck here? But really, he was just glad to be seeing Juugo again.
Sasuke figured he’d join Juugo, staring out towards the basketball court, which was surrounded by a wall which couldn’t have been any shorter than thirty feet. The sun was beginning to set, the clouds becoming a light pink.
“I suppose there comes a time in every friendship…” Juugo stated, interrupting the silence as he turned his face to Sasuke, revealing a big, swollen black eye on the opposite side of his face, “When you profusely thank your friend for punching you in the face.”
“Holy shit…” Sasuke answered, a slight chuckle in his voice. He’d not meant to hurt Juugo, and given Juugo’s dazed reaction, he never suspected he had. But this dry joke between them was keeping the mood lighter, and Sasuke was appreciative.
“Yeah, you really clocked me.”
Sasuke shook his head, feeling the slightest bit guilty.
“Fuck, I didn’t know I got you that bad.”
Juugo shook his head.
“No, you should feel proud of yourself. You know the guys in football practice couldn’t land a hit like this if they tried. They could hardly get a scratch on me!”
“Lucky shot,” Sasuke shrugged.
It was lucky, in a sense. Sasuke would have never been able to land such a punch if Juugo hadn’t been so distracted, or if he’d been aware of Sasuke’s presence at all for that matter. Sasuke found it odd, temporarily, that Juugo was congratulating him for punching him in the face and complimenting his technique.
“Modesty isn’t your strong suit, Sasuke. Don’t force it.”
“I’m not being modest,” Sasuke replied stubbornly.
“I guess I don’t have to worry about you defending yourself while I’m gone. I’m relieved.”
Sasuke looked over at Juugo’s impressive shiner again, the other’s red hair gleaming brightly in the sunlight. He seemed so surprisingly calm and even content considering his situation. Sasuke couldn’t help but smile, just slightly, as well. Another long silence between them.
“Did you run into my parents on the way in?”
“Yeah.”
“Did they tell you anything?”
“Not really.”
“Has anyone?”
“No,” Sasuke answered, feeling rather in the dark involved in the whole situation, in Juugo’s life.  Why had he assumed he’d been the only one with something to hide? And why did it seem like everyone knew about this but him?
Juugo seemed to oscillate between relief that his privacy had been respected and discomfort, as he now was tasked with explaining. And he did want to explain. If anyone, Sasuke had a right to know. Juugo took a moment to compose himself, and Sasuke waited patiently.
“I got something…” Juugo referenced, pointing to his head. “It’s not right with me.”
“Hm?” Sasuke prompted. He already realized this, to an extent. The way that Juugo had snapped in school… It hadn’t been…normal. Something was amiss, but Sasuke had hopefully chalked it up to anger management issues or something.
“I haven’t…had an episode in a really long time.”
Sasuke perked a brow, glancing at Juugo inquisitively.
“An episode?”
Juugo sighed, nodding.
“When I was a little kid, I used to have these…really crazy outbursts. I’d just fly into a rage from almost out of nowhere. I could be triggered at the drop of a hat, and then I’d forget almost all of it until I’d snap to and suddenly…yeah, you get the idea.”
“So that’s what happened…”
Juugo had a history of this? That explained what Sarutobi was hinting at when Sasuke said that he didn’t understand why this had happened. He recalled what Aiko had said a few minutes ago. Something about it having been a long time…
“But you haven’t done that in a while, right? They’ve been treating you for it or something?”
“Yeah, it’s been years. In terms of treatment… Like I told you earlier, my mom got spooked.”
Sasuke tilted his head to the side.
“Wasn’t that for your dyslexia though?”
“That was only part of the story.”
And here Sasuke assumed that Juugo had been bearing his soul. Juugo had been holding back, even then? The confusion on Sasuke’s face was evident, so Juugo continued.
“My parents wanted to ignore it at first, trust me. They don’t like…that sort of thing, doctors and psychiatrists and all that. They like to do things more ‘naturally.’”
Juugo rolled his eyes.
“Yoga and moon rocks?”
“Don’t forget ridiculously overpriced gingko biloba smoothies,” Juugo grinned mildly.
Sasuke smirked, imagining too well all of the “remedies” Aiko might have brewed up for her son.
“It wasn’t a huge deal at first, even though it happened often, because I was a little kid. But I was always bigger than the other kids. And as I got older, I got stronger…more violent… Not to mention that my grades sucked. It got to the point where my parents couldn’t ignore it anymore. So they took me in when I was about thirteen. They did this huge workup on me. Figured they’d test me for every possible thing under the sun, because no one could explain what was happening to me.”
“And did they figure it out?”
Juugo shook his head.
“They never did. They knew for sure I was dyslexic, at least, and that I had some other learning and mental problems. But as far as the outbursts… They tried to diagnose it. First they said Bipolar, then something called…Intermittent Explosive Disorder, then they even wondered if somehow I’d had some brain damage because my mom had so much trouble conceiving and all. It might explain all my learning disorders, and maybe they figured I’d fucked up my prefrontal cortex, which accounts for all the crazy. So you know, in the end maybe I’m just brain damaged or something. Crazy and dumb all in one go. Some luck, eh?”
“Juugo…” Sasuke prodded firmly. “I know something’s up with you, but I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you keep calling yourself stupid and crazy. That’s bullshit.”
“But...” Juugo frowned. “Sorry. I do trust your judgment and all… But I think you’d agree with me if you knew the full story.”
“Doubtful.”
“Look… What happened… When I had that workup, they put me on a whole bunch of meds. That’s what I was telling you about on the swings. And what happened after that…”
Sasuke glanced up.
“A lot of people got hurt. Bones got broken, but my memory’s totally blank. I don’t know the details. Shit, I don’t want to know the details. After that, they put me in a ward for a solid month.”
So, Juugo had been in a place like this before? And for so long? This must have been why putting Juugo here was the first response; it was precedented. Knowing Juugo, Sasuke figured he discounted the medication’s influence on that outburst and chalked it all up to his own instability.
Yet Sasuke remembered when he’d first been placed on medication. They’d started him at a high dose and gave him three different medications. Maybe they saw his situation as urgent, considering the way Sasuke had acted out, the panic attacks, and what he’d seen. But he’d sit in his room, glassy eyed, watching the walls expand and shrink as he hallucinated, sometimes scrolling over those few crucial text messages and just staring into the night. Fortunately, this didn’t last long, but Sasuke knew how powerful these drugs could be.
Still, Sasuke didn’t know if he’d ever even heard of someone having such a strong reaction to medication, even considering Juugo’s prior condition. He couldn’t completely blame Aiko for being so reluctant to treat Juugo. Of course they wouldn’t want to risk sending their son back to a place like that again.
“Shit luck, to have that horrible of a reaction.”
“Yeah, it was…something else. As you can imagine, the kids there were terrified of me after that. Thank god I didn’t have to go back there.”
“You left?”
“Yeah, my folks pulled me out of school and moved to the other side of town and started me up at Konoha the next year.”
“But apparently you got things decently under control. You’ve at least been able to go to Konoha without incident until now, correct?”
Juugo nodded slowly.
“Yeah. They started me in football once I started Konoha…figured it’d channel some aggression I guess. But then as I got older, I was better able to control myself. Weed certainly didn’t hurt matters either,” Juugo remarked with a smirk. “Then I met you.”
Sasuke tilted his head at Juugo curiously. Something about the inflection in that last sentence caught Sasuke’s attention.
“You’ve always had this…weird way of calming me. I’m sorry, I know that sounds creepy.”
“Not particularly,” Sasuke frowned. “I might say the same about you.”
It was true, the way Juugo’s steady, calm disposition seemed to affect Sasuke. This was especially true after the fire, when so much anger and anxiety brewed silently beneath Sasuke’s nonchalant exterior. Sasuke caught Juugo’s eyes briefly as the redhead smiled, the Uchiha quickly staring out the window again as the sun lowered in the sky.
“So… Why now?”
Juugo shook his head and chuckled, “If that isn’t the million dollar question…”
“Is it random?”
“Yes,” Juugo stated, pausing before correcting himself. “Well, no, not entirely. I mean I think I felt it coming. I’ve felt like I was on the brink of something for months. And in this case, there was some trigger.”
Sasuke could only imagine how alarming that must have been, for someone with Juugo’s history.
“Did you tell your folks?”
“Yeah, but… They bought me a bunch of yoga and meditation DVDs. Heh, they even gave me an eighth one night.”
Juugo laughed, and Sasuke smiled crookedly. It blew Sasuke’s mind sometimes how different his family had been from Juugo’s.
“They were nice and all, but other than that, they told me to try to ignore it.”
Sasuke remembered sitting with Juugo at the playground, Juugo’s expression fitful and contemplative. And that’s when Juugo had told him.
"It's just… Hard to explain, it's like something I don't get is building up. I just feel like I need…to do something like this, something out there. I don't know why."
Sasuke figured Juugo had some low grade version of his own emotional troubles. What adolescent didn’t feel that way sometimes, though? Sasuke had a special situation here. Juugo was just an ordinary teenager.
“It won’t go away,” Juugo had insisted anxiously.
“Ignore it.”
That’s right. Juugo had tried to tell him. But Sasuke had dismissed him. Sasuke inwardly winced at his choice in wording, realizing that this was most certainly not the first time someone had told Juugo to “ignore it.” He’d heard it from his parents enough, but Sasuke was Juugo’s friend. He was the one that Juugo had come to for understanding, realizing that Sasuke was going through something similar. Sasuke was supposed to have his back in these situations, but he gave Juugo the same response he’d been hearing everywhere else.
He wished he could have thought to himself “if only I had seen the signs.” “If only he’d told me, I could’ve done something.” But no, Sasuke had been told. And he blew Juugo off, although he wasn’t even aware he’d done it. Juugo couldn’t have real problems. Only people like Sasuke had real problems. Juugo had two supportive parents who treated him wonderfully, spent tons of time with him, and loved him unconditionally. He didn’t have to worry about his folks missing the bills and was always well fed. He had a car and friends and always seemed content. How could someone like that have real problems?
And then Sasuke remembered the frustrated way Juugo had looked at him.
“But…”
Why hadn’t Sasuke prompted him? “But what? What’s wrong?” Why hadn’t he said that? If he could have gone back in time and changed his attitude, he would’ve. He would’ve smacked himself over the head and told himself to stop being such a damned narcissist for once. He remembered his words clearly now, and he just realized now how dismissive he’d been.
And ultimately, the topic ended with a sigh and a defeated “never mind” from Juugo. Sasuke stared downwards, realizing how egocentrically he’d acted.
“Sasuke, you still there?” Juugo asked, lowering his face to Sasuke’s level with a playful brow arch.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Why hadn’t he taken Juugo seriously?
“I know it’s a lot to take in. I understand if…ya don’t hang with me anymore. It’s cool, no hard feelings.”
Juugo must have mistaken Sasuke’s expression with him being overwhelmed with the situation or fearful, perhaps realizing that his friend really was a lunatic. He hadn’t been able to read the guilt playing across Sasuke’s features, and Sasuke wasn’t one to admit guilt.
“Juugo, you’re my friend.”
He stated it firmly, and it caused Juugo to stare back at Sasuke immediately. Despite the length of their relationship, this had never been expressly stated. It was awkward anyway, for guys like them. But here, Sasuke felt it was necessary. Juugo was shocked by the statement, especially given that it came from Sasuke. When was the last time Sasuke had ever told someone that?
“This makes no difference. I’m not turning my back on you.”
Juugo nodded, slowly, smiling slightly.
“I don’t get it. Even someone like me…”
Juugo was beginning to sound awfully familiar. Naruto. “Why me?” “You have so many people to choose from, so why would you pick someone like me?”
“You’re not a freak, you’re not a nut, you’re not stupid. If you’re my friend, you’ve been submitted to a high standard. I don’t want to hear any more of that bullshit from your mouth.”
Juugo nodded again, feeling as though he were a child being reprimanded by his father, give or take a few swear words. It seemed ironic, coming from a fifteen-year-old with a baby face and half a foot less height.
“Yes, Dad,” Juugo responded dryly, shaking his head. There was a slight silence Juugo allowed before he gave a frustrated sigh. “God, what I wouldn’t do for a cigarette…”
Sasuke smirked, yielding a mostly consumed pack of Camel Wides that Juugo had “loaned” him several weeks ago. Juugo grinned from ear to ear.
“You’re a fuckin’ lifesaver…”
Sasuke felt more like an accomplice in crime than a “lifesaver.” Juugo did smoke too much, Sasuke believed. And Juugo couldn’t ask his parents for cigarettes. They let him smoke weed, but god forbid he ever touch a cigarette. It was “unnatural,” unlike the divinely created cannabis plant. The distinction was lost on the indifferent Uchiha, but Sasuke figured he’d help him out, as this was a special situation.
Juugo grabbed the pack, motioning Sasuke to join him out in a small fenced area designated for smoking during breaks and visiting hours – one of the few perks of the adult ward. There was one patient in the farther corner, muttering to themselves between deep drags. Her chatter drew short as soon as she noticed the two males’ presence, casting Juugo a quick nod.
They were both standing on the opposite side of the enclosure. Sasuke handed Juugo a lighter, and Juugo lit his cigarette through the December wind with a cupped hand. He took breath and sighed.
“Finally, Jesus Christ. Now, if only they’d hand out joints with those nice little pill cups.”
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Classic Juugo.
“They’re trying you on meds again?”
Juugo shrugged.
“Yeah. My parents didn’t like it too much, given last time, but I mean, look at where I am. It’s not like they have much of a choice. And hey, if I go ballistic, I’ll fit right in,” he finished with sideways grin.
“So far so good?”
“Yeah, I just don’t like…the idea. Gotta take my crazy pills or else, they tell me. Evidently I’m just that fucked in the head.”
Sasuke grunted, feeling the urge to smoke along with Juugo but refraining. He could possibly pass for 18, but it wasn’t a given.
“Doesn’t mean you’re crazy.”
“Sure it does,” Juugo answered bitterly.
Sasuke almost felt insulted by Juugo’s remarks, given that he had taken so-called crazy pills for almost a year now. Still, he understood that Juugo was just being hard on himself, and that this was not a standard he’d apply to others.
“Am I crazy?” Sasuke asked, cocking his head.
Juugo narrowed his eyes, holding back a smirk.
“Disregard that,” Sasuke grunted.
Juugo laughed, patting Sasuke on the shoulder so that Sasuke was forced to inconspicuously brace his footing. The man did not realize his own strength.
“You’re unconventionally crazy, Sasuke.”
“Fuck you,” Sasuke answered, rolling his eyes as he smiled.
“In all seriousness, I don’t think I’ve known someone to have it together so much. I mean, especially considering. No… You’ve got to be one of the sanest people I know.”
“I’ve been taking pills since the fire,” Sasuke admitted quietly, his dark irises drifting elsewhere as his lips pressed together.
Why was he admitting to such a thing, anyway? But knowing how much Juugo looked up to him, he thought that admitting to such a thing could really change Juugo’s outlook towards his own treatment. Juugo’s eyes broadened.
“You?”
“Yeah. Originally Xanax and a few others. Now just Zoloft.”
“I’m sorry, but… Why? I mean you just seemed like you took it so well.”
Sasuke snickered, and it was tinged with bitterness. He’d done wonderfully well keeping his secret, if even Juugo hadn’t suspected him. Just one time he’d had a panic attack in his school’s bathroom, and not a single soul had been present to bear witness. He was determined to make the entire student body believe that he was practically unaffected by the death of his parents, tough as nails and far too strong to give. He’d done marvelously. Sometimes, rarely, he wished he hadn’t done such a good job. It resulted in him feeling rather lonely. In the end, how many people could say they really knew him?
“Well, my shrink didn’t seem to think so. He said I had Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.”
“Sasuke…”
Juugo’s voice was tinged with concern, which was enough to indicate to Sasuke that the conversation was going the wrong direction.
“Anyhow, that’s irrelevant. The point is that you don’t have to be some raging lunatic to be on these things. All you can do is try. I hope it works out for you.”
“Did it help you?” Juugo asked hesitantly.
“Not as much as I would’ve liked, but yes.”
Juugo nodded as he glanced at the large brick wall enclosing them, already half way through his cigarette. He moved through it quickly. Sasuke felt awfully naked at the moment, but he supposed this was nothing compared to how Juugo must be feeling. Other than Naruto and his brother, he couldn’t recall feeling so vulnerable in front of someone else in quite a while.
“It’s not all so bad, I guess. Me ending up here was kind of a wake up call for my folks. We had a big talk, and they’re gonna go after my dyslexia and dyscalculia too. They even said they’re gonna get me a tutor that specializes in young adults who have that and see if they can get me caught up in school.”
“Wonderful,” Sasuke answered. It was rare that Sasuke used that word unironically, but today was a special occasion. He handed Juugo another cigarette as Juugo dropped the butt into the ash tray.
“Yeah, maybe things will right themselves after all. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.”
Sasuke turned the last sentence over in his head for a while. It was true. But wasn’t it just as accurate to say that sometimes it gets better before it gets worse? There’s no way to predict the future. People come and go before you even see it coming. Far too often, there’s not a thing you can do about it. But he’d get trapped in his own philosophical quandaries some other day.
“How long are they keeping you in here anyway?”
“Only a few weeks, unfortunately. Just until they can be sure of my reaction to the medication.”
“Unfortunately? You like it here?”
“Here… It’s not so bad. I just hope to god I don’t have to go back to Konoha. They’re still deciding on that.”
So Juugo could be leaving school for good after all. There was silence as Juugo picked at his thumb nail, shaking his head and laughing again, as he so often tended to when he said something vulnerable.
“I’d rather be here,” he continued in a quiet voice. “I don’t want everyone to be afraid of me again.”
It was paradoxical how vulnerable Juugo sounded in that statement.    Hearing his friend talk like that did things to his emotions he’d rather not acknowledge. All the gossip, meaningless chatter, the stares, and the conversations that stopped just as someone’s eye caught you… Sasuke knew how those felt. He’d experienced it when his parents died and after his fight with Sai. Hell, he’d probably even be experiencing it in the near future for being involved in those theatrics in the cafeteria.
He wished he could’ve told Juugo he was worrying too much, that people would get over it. But he remembered the rumor Suigetsu had told him about and knew there were plenty more. People didn’t know Juugo like they did. To them, Juugo was this some really quiet hulk of a man on the football team who suddenly lost it out of the blue in their cafeteria one day and sent a man to the hospital. “It’s always the quiet ones,” they’d say. If Juugo returned to Konoha, he would be graduating the June after next. This would follow him all the way through high school. Juugo was right. People were afraid of him.
So what was there to say?
“Juugo, I promise I won’t be afraid of you,” Sasuke stated slowly and sarcastically. “Get over yourself; you’re not that intimidating.”
Juugo guffawed, shaking his head. The mood was lightening, and things felt so familiar, despite the jarring scenery.
“Yeah, I know I don’t have to worry about you. I hear everyone was clinging to the walls about to piss themselves. Naturally, you decide to walk right up to me and deck me in the face.”
Sasuke snickered. He decided that he would not fear Juugo, that he would never shun him for this. Even if Juugo tried to attack Sasuke, he’d have something else in store for him.
“You’re really something else, Sasuke.”
“Naturally,” Sasuke stated snidely. He refused to respond in any other way, to act any differently in front of his friend. Whether they were sitting in a psych ward together, on a swingset, or in some nasty cafeteria, they were still the same people.
“Hey, Juugo…”
“Hm?”
“Who all knows about this stuff, anyway?”
It had been something that had been nagging at him since the day this mess had begun. Juugo’s parents knew, the principal knew… Yet even as Juugo’s best friend, he’d been clueless. He didn’t blame Juugo for this; it would’ve been awfully hypocritical anyway. He just wanted to have some clue as to how many people were aware of this.
“My parents, obviously. We had to tell the school too from day one, so they’d understand in case something like this were to happen again. So the principal and several of the teachers know.”
“Ah…”
Sasuke was certain now that he knew the meaning behind Sarutobi’s words. It came as a relief. Juugo scratched at his forearm uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, Sasuke.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not that I didn’t trust you or didn’t consider you a close friend. I kinda wanted you to…think I was normal. Maybe if I acted it out, I’d become that way.”
Sasuke refused to make his thoughts visible. Sasuke used to be a pretty normal kid, once upon a time. Normal challenges, normal responsibilities… Sometimes he wished he could go back to that sort of life. He used to think that maybe if he pretended that his issues didn’t exist, they would go away. He’d go back to at least being emotionally stable, even if his life could never be the same. But he accepted where he was now. With Juugo, the situation was different. Still, at least in that statement, Sasuke related to him.
“You should know by now that I don't give a fuck about 'normal.'”
Juugo shrugged.
“I guess I didn’t want shit to change between us, and…”
“We’re cool. You don’t need to justify it.”
Juugo’s forehead developed a few wrinkles as his eyes gazed down at Sasuke.
“It doesn’t bother you that I kept something like this from you?”
Sasuke kept full eye contact with Juugo, his face severe now. There was so much to him that Juugo didn’t know. And it was possible that there was more to Juugo that he still didn’t know. After all, he’d been foolish to assume that Juugo had told him everything that night on the swings. He wanted Juugo to understand, really understand what he was about to say. Even if Sasuke couldn’t explain the specifics, he could be expressive when he wanted to be.
“Juugo, we all have secrets.”
Juugo stared back at Sasuke, conflicted and confused. Juugo opened his mouth as if to ask a question but closed it and smiled.
“Yeah, I guess we do.”

Author's Note: Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. :)
Anyhow, the only reason I really managed this one was because it was mostly pre-written. I was raised by two women, and one of them died a few days ago. (I've essentially just lost a parent.) So I'm going to be really busy over the next few weeks with funeral arrangements, keeping people sane, and all those tiny tasks that just seem to add up when someone close dies.
Although I normally love blunt and objective reviews, I'm not really in shape for constructive criticism. Maybe later, but for now please keep all feedback positive. I'm not sure if I'll be able to write as much over the next few weeks, especially considering how hospitals and death (yay dead parents!) tend to keep popping up in this story. The next chapter might come a week or so too late, but I gotta emphasize...
This is not a hiatus.
I'll get my shit together soon enough. ;)
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