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Break to Breathe	By : Okami-Rayne Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Shikamaru/Neji Views: 1959 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: NARUTO and its respective characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 41
- 42
- 43
BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Forty Two

[Dedicated to Shinimegami7]

Smoke hung thick and heavy over Hanegakure, eddies of grey and black that the winds pushed out of the Aviary and into the village. A haze of ash and heat, dust and obscurity.
Shikamaru cut through the thick of it, his eyes narrowed against the sting.
Above the smoke, a shrill cry carried as sharp as a shuriken.
He didn't look up.
His expression was set, his mind fixed on one destination. And his feet moved with a fleet-footedness that might have shocked him if he'd known the distance he'd covered in only a few minutes. He ran without pacing himself, without consciously directing a step.
Please…
Adrenalin and fear pushed his lunge to a higher bridge and he found purchase without channelling chakra to his feet, darting along the next crossing in a dash, scaling Hanegakure's spiralling levels.
He moved like the deer his clan tended, with swiftness and agility that usually served him when his strength fell second to his speed. But now, he felt his speed falling short.
Please…
Before Neji the most instinctual of his runs had been about fleeing. With Neji, that instinct had become something else entirely. This time, the urge to run wasn't driven by self-preservation or ordered pursuit of a target or goal.
It was an urge to protect...if he could make it in time.
He clenched his eyes shut then snapped them open.
They burned, wild with the fear inside him.
God…please…!

She was singing.
The sound lilted in and out of Neji's mind like ripples breaking against his eardrums. The fever had set in fully and it's irritating waves of delirium made it increasingly harder to determine what was real, imagined or remembered.
It was maddening…and he couldn't fight it or make a move to run away from it.
Run away…?
"Hey, that's my role. Now look at me, being all responsible and crap, making sure you don't fall on your face."
Shikamaru…
The words came through so clear, clearer than the oddly hoarse tones of Kitori's singing...tears were roughening her voice...giving it a smoky quality...
Smoke…
He was so sure he could smell it. Then the taste of smoke came back to him, not imagined, every bit a memory…feeding between his lips…
"Neji…breathe…"
The stroke of cold steel across his stomach snapped him into reality.
"I used to sing this to my girl," Kitori murmured. "She had such a beautiful voice…sometimes I can still hear her on the wind. She's free now."
Neji struggled to centre his focus. If he could just pull himself a little further out of the black, just enough to respond in some way, it might buy him time.
WAKE UP!
Lips settled at his brow and his brain fired off flashes of phantom pain, as if the curse mark were burning beneath her lips.
"When you see my girl, Hyūga, tell her that I'll see her soon…"
The memory of Fukurō's voice bowled over Kitori's in a sickening echo.
"Remember my name, Hyūga. You can tell it to my daughter on the other side."
Neji's fingers twitched, his eyelashes flickering.
Not this way. Not like this.
The notion of ceasing to exist without putting up one hell of a fight just wasn't acceptable. The thought was impossible to grasp and his body, blood and brain rejected it with a violence that pushed a tremor along his muscles. They tightened in a ripple.
I will not die here…
Kitori's lips strayed to his ear again. "Now only the wind will chase you."
The first bite of the blade barely registered.
But the feel of blood spilling down along his chest did.
But there was too much of it – especially from such a shallow wound. And in his fevered mind, he couldn't make sense of it.
The beep of the heart monitor rocketed.
Kitori's fingers smoothed through his hair. "Hyūga, are you so eager to escape this world that you would bleed this way? Do you wish it was him giving you this peace? Instead he gave you a prison where you cannot move."
Neji didn't feel the second slash of the blade, because sound exploded from across the room…or was it inside of his head? Like an aneurysm detonating in his brain. The pain slammed into his eardrums and reverberated along his skull.
Birds screamed and crashed in their cages.
Kitori's hair brushed his skin.
The throb of noise crammed in his skull.
And somewhere in the warped arena of his senses, he thought he heard voices as he faded in and out of black…in and out of reality…or was it in and out of existence?

The door flew back on its hinges so hard that the broken lock went flying into one of the bird cages, startling the screaming creatures into a fresh frenzy of panic.
Shikamaru heard none of it.
All he could hear was the shrill ringing in his head the moment his heart jack-hammered into his throat violently enough that he almost choked. For the second time in the span of a few torturous hours, time stretched out again, moving with its fickle elasticity, pulling every fleeting moment into a slow motion pace.
Kitori's head seemed to turn as if through water. So slowly that he had time enough to track the swish of her bangs and the turn of her bloodshot eyes as they swivelled in their sunken sockets. Those rusted orbs locked on him and her lips parted.
It struck him then, just how corpse-like she looked from the last time he'd seen her.
"You came for him…Shikamaru."
She spoke the words in a morbid drone and they were almost lost under the screeching racket of the birds. Shikamaru's eyes, wide in their horror, lowered to the blade she held in her hand, poised above Neji's neck. The edge was laced in blood and it beaded at the pointed tip of the dagger, dripping like teardrops into the hollow of Neji's throat.
No…
The Nara's eyes rounded further, watching small crimson streams trickle along the planes of Neji's torso, tracing their route through the territory of his skin, spilling between the ridges of his abdominals like a twisted irrigation system stealing life rather than supplying it.
Shikamaru's eyes snapped towards the source of the wound.
It was a crossing gash above Neji's right clavicle.
Close to the pressure point.
Streaming thinned blood in gushes.
The brodifacoum…
Shikamaru swallowed hard, his eyes on the razor edge of the blade. "Kitori…"
"You came for him..." she echoed, raising her voice only enough to be heard above the birds. "Why?"
"Why?" Shikamaru husked the word out, fighting the urge to lunge across the room and crushed her throat as the strain in his own pulled tight enough that he could barely breathe.
God…think…THINK…
Neji was bleeding out…Isuka lay on the ground, her face turned away from him…her vet's coat blooming red to one side…items were scattered on the floor around her…beyond the window something was circling and shrieking…
All of this Shikamaru took in through his peripheral vision and focus, the details automatically filing into his mind while his attention remained riveted on the dagger.
The dagger hovering above Neji's throat…
Think! Use your fucking head!
It was all he had – there was no way he could use his jutsu. He was fresh out of the kind of chakra needed to use it. Kitori was too close to the Jōnin for him to make a rash move.
"Why did you come for him, Shikamaru…?" she bit out, stroking her fingers through Neji's blood like paint. "Why do you always come for him?"
Shikamaru almost shook with the effort of control he barely had a grip on. Its grip on him was slipping fast. The rage and fear flashed in his eyes and his voice cut out sharply and coldly in its rash logic.
"You think people didn't try to come for you, is that it?"
Kitori's lips twisted into a sour smile, but tears flooded her eyes. "Clever, clever boy. But this isn't revenge…this is mercy…"
"Mercy?" Shikamaru flicked a desperate glance at Neji, then locked his gaze back on her.
She tilted her head. "It hurts you to see him like this, doesn't it?"
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, the muscles in his jaw flexing hard. The hollows of his cheeks grew more defined with every grind of his teeth and anger drew his gaze sharper than her blade.
The force of it struck her, but not in the way he intended.
Kitori actually looked disappointed.
She stroked the blade across Neji's mouth, pressing the tip down on his bottom lip just hard enough to draw a ruby pearl. "That's not what I want to see in your eyes, Shikamaru. Anger is a mask. Give me something real."
Shikamaru stared at her, his expression fierce.
On the ground, Isuka's fingers curled and flexed.
Fighting the urge to shoot the vet a glance, he kept his eyes on Kitori. "Something real?" he snapped, stalling.
Isuka's arm began to inch across the floor, moving by degrees. Shikamaru followed the movement out the corner of his eye, unable to direct his focus there while Kitori's attention was fixed on his face.
"Blood is real…" she pressed the blade down a little harder on Neji's lip, splitting the tender skin. It leaked red to the corner of Neji's mouth, spilling down to chase along his jaw line.
Shikamaru's eyes widened, while Kitori's glistened with tears.
"Tears are real…" she whispered.
"You want my blood, Kitori?" Shikamaru ground out, stepping forwards a few paces with his arms spread. "Take it."
Kitori cocked her head, eyes narrowing as she searched him, the expression on her face almost mercurial as it morphed between too many extremes of emotion for the Nara to follow.
"You'd bleed for him, Shikamaru," she muttered aloud, shaking her head. "But you can't cry for him, can you?"
Shikamaru stopped moving forward, pausing right beside Isuka.
The sound of Neji's heart rate fluctuated in jerky beeps.
Fear gripped Shikamaru by the throat, but his face remained impassive.
"Dear boy," Kitori twirled the dagger over in her hand, fingers shaking as she gripped the hilt. "You can't run from yourself and chase him at the same time, can you?"
Isuka's fingers brushed Shikamaru's ankle. She pushed something against his foot. He lowered his gaze, hooding his eyes to make it look as if he'd closed them. His vision locked onto the weapon Isuka had presented and the chill cascaded through him.
Use it.
"Guess that works out," Shikamaru uttered hoarsely, fighting for a strategy. "He always said he didn't need me to…"
His blasé response earned him a dagger glare.
"Then why do you!" Kitori's eyes flashed poisonously and she gripped the blade tighter in her fury. "Tell me why you always do it!"
Shikamaru watched her movements, his whole body tensing for a burst of speed he could feel pooling in his muscles.
"Tell me!"
"No."
Kitori snarled her rage at this denial. "Tell me why!"
The moment she made to draw the dagger high, Shikamaru drove forward and down, slamming his shoulder hard into the side of Neji's medical bed, his fingers brushing low to pick up the syringe by his foot all in the same motion.
The bed swung in a veer.
It caught Kitori in the hip, knocking her off centre in a spin.
Now!
Shikamaru lunged between her and Neji, shoving the bed to roll further away while the arc of Kitori's blade reached its apex, the glint catching Shikamaru's eye.
She twirled around before he could.
The dagger screamed down in a white flash.
It buried into Shikamaru's flak jacket with enough force to knock him back against the wall. Kitori made to twist the blade just as he swung his arm and plunged the syringe into her neck.
For a second their eyes locked.
Then his thumb jerked down on the plunger.
Kitori jolted once and slowly her inflamed eyes widened, a choked sound spluttering out of her. Shikamaru panted through his nose, his teeth grit as Kitori twisted her fingers around the hilt of the dagger, driving it deeper. Lodged in his vest at an angle, it drew no blood. But he felt cut open all the same. She searched his face, her throat working convulsively as the poison flooded her system.
Shikamaru was shaking, his breaths shuddering out as the adrenalin turned cold.
He sure as hell didn't like the memory this situation provoked.
But more important than the past, was the present slipping away in seconds.
Slipping away…
Neji…
Immediately his gaze flicked across to the Hyūga and pain and panic tore through his eyes, betraying itself in the twist of his expression.
God please…
"Shikamaru…"
He looked back to Kitori when she whispered his name.
She cocked her head like a bird, gazing into his eyes.
The stare that held was deep and disturbing.
And of all the things that could have happened, he didn't expect her to smile. She slid her hand away from the protruding hilt of the dagger to brush across his flak jacket, settling above his heart. She tapped her fingers like a child, staring at him with those red-cracked eyes.
"So…that's why…" she said quietly.
Shikamaru's face contorted in confusion and he drew his head back until it hit the wall, putting distance between them as her nose began to bleed. He jerked his hand away from the syringe protruding from her neck, watching as Kitori staggered back in a drift – and as an afterthought, she tugged the syringe free.
It dropped to the floor in a clatter.
Shikamaru remained against the wall for a few heartbeats, his brain spinning, his lungs like two sacks of blood in his chest, turning to iron as he tried to breathe.
Breathe. NEJI.
Then the world crashed back into perspective and he was at Neji's side in an instant, slamming his hand onto the pressure point at the Hyūga's clavicle to staunch the flow of blood. It oozed between his fingers and he adjusted the position of his grip and pressed down harder.
"Neji…Neji…" he choked out. "Shit…"
The birds screeched in their cages.
Shikamaru turned his head, just in time to see Kitori's braid whip the air as she staggered in a weaving veer from the room.
Dammit!
She wouldn't last long, but there was no telling what she'd do until the poison ran its course. It would work fast. That much of it, at that concentration of toxicity, wouldn't give her time to get far. He already knew how it would end for her.
Hibari's eagle screeched long and loud outside.
But the only shrill sound that caught Shikamaru's attention was the beep of Neji's heart rate.
How…how the hell did I let this happen? God, I let this happen…
Keeping one hand clamped to the bleeding gash Shikamaru turned towards Isuka as she propped herself against the wall. Her leg was twisted awkwardly to one side.
Shikamaru's eyes flicked to her face. "Isuka?"
"I'm okay…I'm okay…" She reached for the mic at her throat weakly as she radioed in for Sakura. "You need to stop her…Shikamaru…"
No.
Shikamaru turned back to Neji, shaking his head, face pale and taut as he worked to bunch the blankets against the Hyūga's wound.
Not this time. I can't… I can't walk away…not again…
Isuka raised her voice. "Shikamaru-san…I can help him…you need to help me stand up…and you need to stop Kitori…"
She'd be dead soon. What the hell did it matter? He hated his mind for responding immediately, as if on a command prompt.
Because she might take someone else with her…
With Neji's blood gushing between his fingers, maybe she already had.
No…NO…
Shikamaru stared hard at the Hyūga's blood stained lips, his teeth grit against a sound he didn't think he could afford to let loose. He gave a mental countdown, pulling his mind from the edge of panic.
"Shikamaru…please…"
Shikamaru barely heard Isuka, fighting to keep from losing both his voice and his focus as he stared down at Neji. "Dammit, Neji…come on…"
Neji didn't respond.
Those opal eyes didn't flicker open.
The Jōnin remained limp and silent, ashen and barely breathing.
Neji…
"Troublesome, Hyūga…" Shikamaru growled, blinking rapidly, forcing the words around the hoarse knot in his throat, his arms shaking as he pressed the wound harder. "You don't get to take that nap…not today…"
The blood wouldn't stop.
"Shikamaru-san…please…"
Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut, feeling torn down the centre, the pressure of the conflict and struggle building inside him.
"Please…" Isuka pleaded. "She could hurt one of the children…"
Shit…
Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, dragging the torn parts of himself back together, forcing a needle of focus and a thread of control through them. He tightened the grip he managed to get on his mind – he couldn't do the same for his heart.
But he knew what he had to do.
Swallowing thickly, the shadow-nin stared a final time at Neji's face, at the sallow skin and the dark smudges beneath the Hyūga's eyes. Then the Nara drew a tight breath, his mind slipping into critical mode as his throat closed up around the words he husked out.
"You don't lose, remember? Don't start now…"

Shikamaru didn't run.
He walked, lengthening his strides only when he crossed the tree line.
His pace was the measured, steady advance of someone who knew exactly what they'd find – and the surety that they'd find it. Maybe that's why he'd run so damned fast with Neji. He'd never been sure. He'd just hedged his bets…and then he'd hedged something more. Attempting to outrun the cruel reality his brain kept trying to wrestle his impulse into understanding.
It makes no difference how fast you moved…what you wanted to find was lost way before you thought you had it.
But he'd chased after it anyway.
Over and over.
Surely it took some kind of twisted, masochistic talent to be that stupid. His IQ wasn't offering up any answers on that front. Or if it was, the answers were unwanted, or uncertain or simply unacceptable.
He wasn't sure; maybe he didn't want to be sure.
There was safety in the 'not knowing' and 'not processing'. At least for now. The shock had hit home – hard – and he'd gone into shutdown. He'd had to in order to walk away from that room. And from Neji.
Again…
Shikamaru blinked slowly, following the shadow of Hibari's eagle. Kitori had made no attempt to cover her steps or keep out of sight, which made her easy enough to track. She'd cut a stumbling, weaving path, but she hadn't run; probably to slow the effects of the chemicals circuiting her system. Just as Shikamaru had thought, Isuka had doctored the poison. In measured amounts, the deadly effects wouldn't set in.
That wouldn't be the case with Kitori.
Hell, he'd shot her full of a toxic dose. She'd start to haemorrhage and bleed from the inside out. A gruesome, painful way to go and it didn't satisfy him to know that; but considering all she'd done, maybe it should have.
Above him, the eagle whirled and dived.
While the bird directed him, he didn't really need her. But she saved him time, because time had snapped back with a vengeance, making a mockery of its earlier pace. Kitori must have known she was on a quick route to death's door so it came as no surprise that she'd collapsed by the time Shikamaru found her.
What did come as a surprise was the fact that someone else had found her first.
Hibari.
Opting to wait in the wings, Shikamaru took to the canopies, keeping to the shadowed tangle of branches and leaves. He crouched on a bough, his dark eyes monitoring the scene below.
Kitori had fallen against the support of a boulder and the massive chunk of stone looked as if it had once been a carving or a monument of some kind. It had eroded and crumbled. Whatever it had been was beyond recognition now.
Strangely, it seemed appropriate.
Hibari seemed to think so, if his wry glance at it was any indication. Shikamaru watched as he approached Kitori, his jaw raised to an angle of aggression, crimson strands lashing in the breeze as his eagle circled him once and then took off.
Shikamaru leaned back against the tree trunk, considering that maybe the bird had been leading Hibari, not him.
It doesn't matter now…
The shadow-nin watched with a jaded analysis, prepared to see this stage through to completion, if only to make sure that it would finally be over.
He needed it to be over.
As Shikamaru observed, he noticed that Hibari's aggression didn't quite translate into his step, which fell too heavy to be enraged. Kitori turned her gaze up towards her son, her skin mottling as vessels began to leak beneath the surface, blood dripping from her nose. Hibari stared down at her without compassion, but without cruelty. He looked like he'd come to the end of long road and was bitterly putout by what it had cost him to get there. Like he hadn't found what he was looking for either.
Kitori smiled shakily, her voice rattling out. "Have you come to kill me, Hibari?"
"Doesn't look like I need to, does it?" he returned flatly.
She tilted her head back against the rock, shivering. "Poison isn't faster than you…you can still end it…"
The redhead scowled, his grey eyes flickering before he crouched down, levelling his gaze on her. Shikamaru watched the interaction carefully, monitoring for a threat from the woman even though he knew it wouldn't come.
She was beyond her capacity to cause damage now.
But Hibari wasn't.
Bearing that in mind, Shikamaru knew this interaction would determine what kind of man Konoha would deal with if Hibari were to become a vital player in Hanegakure's future.
No better time to gauge his mental disposition than now.
It didn't look too promising. The Tsubasa's eyes shifted between liquid pewter to something as hard as granite – dangerous, unpredictable, volatile.
Shikamaru was half-expecting an explosion of rage.
Kitori's expression, however, had drained of its sourness, leaving her gaunt and sickly as her gaze traced over her son's face. "Look at you…when did your eyes become so hard, my sweet skylark?"
Hibari hesitated at the petname but recovered with a snort, his lip curling in a venomous snarl. "Why don't you hazard a guess, mother."
The venom didn't touch Kitori; she was probably immune to it, given how much of it was inside her. "Your eyes…are not like your father's eyes. You look nothing like your father did…"
"I am nothing like my father," he uttered. "Or Ozuku." His eyes hardened. "Or you."
Kitori coughed, licking blood from her lips. Hibari offered no reaction other than to twist away from her when she tried to reach for him, grabbing her wrist hard enough to snap the fine bones. He didn't. She looked stung at his rejection, which surprised Shikamaru.
What the hell was she expecting?
"I think…" Kitori croaked. "I think…you have your justice, my sweet…"
Hibari's brow arched incredulously and his laugh was hollow, pained.
"Justice?" he echoed, casting her hand aside like a rag. "Ozuku and Fukurō were killed by the same shinobi they manipulated into killing my sister." He looked away from her, scowling at the grass. "They fell on their own blade…and considering they made Hyūga a weapon against me I guess there's irony in that…but there's no justice in it. Justice would've been to have killed them myself."
Kitori reached for him again, brushing her fingertips against the back of his hand. "Why didn't you…?"
Hibari smacked her touch away in a motion too sharp to be unaffected. "Because I hated them so much I'd have probably enjoyed it." He glared hard at her hand, not looking her in the eye. "And that would have turned me into something as poisonous as you. I refuse to go down your path."
The kunoichi hummed softly, beginning to slouch a little more, the wild, feverish light dimming in her eyes. "My path was decided…before I could change it…my brave skylark…that's why I had to save you…from the same fate…"
Hibari stared for a moment.
"Save me?" His breath shivered into a quiet laugh. "Save me…" he whispered again.
Then he exploded.
"SAVE me!" He wheeled on her in a jerk, slamming his fist into the stone beside her head, sending chips of flint flying. "How the hell did you plan to save me! You tried to fucking kill me! Your actions killed Toki and for that alone I wish to god I could kill you slower than this poison will!"
Even as he screamed the words directly into her face, he didn't raise a hand against her.
Strange.
Shikamaru wouldn't have blamed him if he had.
"My sweet Hibari." Kitori was crying, but without drama, the tears just fell in stoic, quiet streams. "I was saving you…"
"No," he growled angrily, but it wasn't anger roughening the edges of his voice. "You forced me underground…you fucking buried me…you failed to save me a long time ago."
Kitori shook her head, her tears falling red now, stained by blood. "I failed you by bringing you into this world…into this cage…the least I could do was love you enough to try to take you out of it…"
Hibari's disbelieving laugh was high and strained, the sound shaking as his voice broke a little more. "You think chasing me and trying to kill me was an act of love?"
Kitori frowned and Shikamaru detected chilling sincerity on her face and in her shaking words. "How could it be anything else? I've always loved you, Hibari…that's why I had to set you free. That's why I chased you. No one chased me."
Hibari stared in shock and sank back, his rage deflating, his eyes wide. "God you're crazy…you always were…"
Kitori watched him. "No, Hibari…I had to set you free."
Free…
Shikamaru wasn't surprised.
It made sense, in a deluded and wholly twisted way. It was sick and wrong and a perversion of maternal instinct. But the logic, for all its warped reasoning, could be followed. And for all Hibari's rage, it seemed to the Nara that the redhead was following it too. Because the Tsubasa's eyes were glistening, even as he shook his head against the slow, horrible understanding that his mother's model of the world – in her mind – was merciful and true.
Kitori's red-crusted eyes widened at the sight of Hibari's grief, then softened with a dying glow of hope. "Are you crying for me, my sweet?"
Hibari stared at her, looking torn and wretched as the tears crowded his eyes. "Yeah… isn't that pathetic? Or maybe it's just tragic that I can't even hate you…what the hell does that leave me with…other than regret…?"
Kitori smiled and reached up weakly to cup his cheek with a thin, shaking hand.
He didn't knock the touch away this time, but he didn't lean into it either.
"Mercy…" she whispered, stroking away an errant tear that escaped his eye with her thumb. "Please, Hibari…"
"Mercy…" he echoed, his voice brittle, tired. "You don't deserve it."
"That is why…it's mercy..."
Hibari struggled for a moment, lips pressed into a tight line before he closed his eyes, removing her hand from his face with a gentle grip at her fingers. "I'll pray for you."
Shikamaru had a feeling he wouldn't.
Kitori smiled though. It was obviously enough for her to believe it.
When she pressed a kunai into her son's hand, Shikamaru had already turned away.
It was over by the time he dropped down to ground level.
Hibari met him halfway, looking haggard, but the Nara noticed something had shifted from his eyes, leaving them a little less bleak. It wasn't easy to tell, considering Shikamaru's brain had closed up shop on the emotional radar front. He was fresh out of energy, especially the kind required to deal with what he suspected was coming next.
The questions, the suspicion, the lies, the bullshit, the risks…
I can't keep doing this…
Hibari pinned an odd look on him and released a heavy sigh through his nose. A prelude to disaster. Despite this, Shikamaru arched a brow and tried to prepare himself with energy he didn't have but would have to find.
Hibari looked at him quietly for a long moment.
"Your Hyūga…" he began.
Shikamaru almost closed his eyes in exhaustion.
Here we go…
"He didn't return my sword."
What…?
Shikamaru blinked. "What?"
"My sword," the redhead reiterated, arching his brows at Shikamaru's lack of response. "Big jagged thing that tends to glow? Yeah, I'll be needing that back. Strictly for intimidation purposes," he joked weakly.
Shikamaru offered no smile, no smirk and no sarcastic reply. He just stared blankly, tense and confused, not about to believe that Hibari would let him off the hook. The safest response was to discern whether Hibari was playing a game here, or was genuinely letting unspoken truths slide.
"Your sword…" Shikamaru said, making no effort to disguise his unease.
Hibari's lips twitched and he shrugged. "It's not like I can just pull those things out of my ass, Nara. I shed a lot of blood getting that."
The breath-crushing tension inside of Shikamaru broke up into a flurry of nervous, disbelieving bubbles that juddered out in a short, shaky chuckle. He shook his head, trying to wrap his brain around the fact that he wasn't being interrogated and backed into a corner.
"If you're trying to soften the blow, Tsubasa…don't…"
"I'm not completely caveman, Nara. I'm good with negotiation, so how's that work for you?"
Shikamaru nodded, but his eyes were wary. "It works."
Hibari's features relaxed further. "Don't know about you, but I'd rather start with a fresh slate. Wipe this one clean." He cast a grave glance over his shoulder to where Kitori lay. "I think what you helped me do for my village cancels out whatever you've not been telling me."
Shit. Is he serious?
Not trusting that he wasn't just falling into wishful thinking, Shikamaru's eyes narrowed, scrutinising Hibari. He detected no lie or latent suspicion from the other ninja. The words were direct enough, his stance displaying no obvious signs of deception – no lines to read between. All the same, the shadow-nin's mouth turned down in an uncertain frown.
Hibari turned back, scowled at the look he was receiving and snorted. "No need to look so surprised. I'm reckless when I'm angry, remember?" He sobered, glancing away. "I've been pissed off all my life. Getting kind of tired of it now."
Shikamaru flicked his gaze over the Tsubasa's shoulder, glancing towards Kitori's body without directly looking at it.
Guess he found some peace with that closure…
"Clean slate, huh?" the shadow-nin murmured.
Hibari tipped his head. "I want a future for my village, not a bitter memory. Negotiation, peace and we'll take it from there. I don't need to know what's been, only what's going to be from this moment on."
"I can work with those terms."
"Glad to hear it." The redhead managed a weak smile. "Guess you'd better get your AWOL ass back to the council and we'll seal this peace treaty. It's not going to look good if you keep them waiting much longer."
Shit. Mission. Complete the mission.
The Nara's eyes strayed to the sky, closed briefly then drifted back down. "Sounds like a plan."
The final stage. You can do this.
It's not like he had a choice either way.
Shikamaru slid his hands into his pockets, turned on his heel and began to walk, calling back over his shoulder in a lazy drawl that was more forced than it had ever been.
"AWOL ass? How the hell are you getting away with not being there?"
He heard Hibari snort amusedly. "Like you don't know. Nice try."
Shikamaru shrugged, but true to Hibari's assumption, he wasn't surprised when the Tsubasa's clone burst into white feathers behind him.

A cool wind carried through Hanegakure, a breath of crisp air that blew the last traces of smoke away, lifting the veil that had fallen on the village. There was a sense of closure that had come from the flames, hope for a kind of resurrection, which fit the image of the Phoenix monument the council had decided to create for the Temple; to commemorate a rise from the ashes of their past.
It's finally over…
Shikamaru felt the grainy, golden glow of a late afternoon sun dappling his face through the leaves. He stood alone on the tier outside the great hall, keeping aloft and out of the limelight. The lack of attention suited him just fine. To quietly slip into the shadows would have suited him even better. But he made no move to shift from his current spot on the balcony.
Besides, he knew where his steps would take him if he even tried.
A sharp pang pulled across his chest, tugging at the chords in his throat.
Don't…not now…later…
When he was alone, back home, he'd face that pain. But right now…
Just do what you gotta do…
Needing a distraction, Shikamaru dropped his gaze from the flame-hued leaves and watched the procession of elders and clan leaders streaming out from the great hall, many stopping on their path to speak with the Konoha shinobi, expressing gratitude and budding amity.
A bark of nervous laughter drew Shikamaru's focus to a loose pocket of villagers. Naruto was in their midst, accepting the somewhat reluctant thanks of the owner of Trading Talons. The man didn't look overly impressed, his mouth twisted to one side of his face, a pipe hooked on his bottom lip, looking down his nose at Naruto through shrewd ice-blue orbs.
Naruto flashed a teeth-baring grin, his own sky-bright eyes creasing nervously. The man snorted with awkward and grudging acceptance, twin jets of smoke streaming from his nostrils.
The smoke drew Shikamaru's mind to Asuma.
For a brief moment, he wondered what the hell his sensei would have thought about his recently developed talent for screwing up. Good thing he 'cleaned up' good enough to pass it off as all part of the strategy. But now, as the outcomes of his strategies unfolded around him – he felt detached from them. Like an observer rather someone who'd had a hand in making it happen.
You wish.
Denial was a beautiful lie.
And until they were home, he'd keep pretending to believe it.
You're not home yet. So be here. Keep it together.
Shikamaru's eyes held fast on the scene below, on the tentative beginnings of growing trust. Now, instead of stern, tight-lipped glances, villagers offered timid smiles and the children played rather than marched, mixing in with the orphaned rebel kids that wove between the shifting mass of clans.
They had the freedom Neji had wanted for them.
So Shikamaru shouldn't have felt hollow standing there.
They'd won, hadn't they?
Hadn't he?
For all the wrong turns taken, he'd accomplished both goals and completed both missions in the most fundamental sense. Yet here he was, keeping as far away as he could from it all. Well, as far away as he could without disappearing altogether…although he had a feeling even that wouldn't have been far enough away.
"Shikamaru…"
The Nara lifted his head at Sakura's voice, but didn't glance over his shoulder. A few tense seconds passed before she finally stepped forward. Her hand came to rest on the railing, fingernails clicking against the metal.
"The others are wondering where you disappeared to."
Yeah…me too…
Shikamaru shrugged, a half-assed lift of one shoulder. "Figured I'd skip the mingling part."
Sakura's lips twisted. "Considering everything that's happened, that's probably a bad idea."
"Yeah, I've got quite a few of those."
The sarcasm was weak and Sakura made no attempt to buy it, but she didn't needle him about it either. She gripped the railing instead, drawing his eye. Blood still lined the creases of her nails. She must have sensed his gaze, because she tucked her fingers against her palm, setting her fist on the railing instead.
"Isuka said there's a guesthouse a few miles from the borders," Sakura informed, lifting her face into the gold hue of light filtering through the trees. "They have a healing lodge. Hinata and I will stay with him, until the treatment runs its course and his fever breaks."
Shikamaru hummed. It made sense. In his head at least.
"Yeah…"
"Shikamaru…" Sakura pressed, drawing his gaze askance. Brow knitted in concern, her voice hitched in a wince when she finally spoke. "Are you okay?"
Shikamaru stared at her impassively, almost incomprehensively.
Was he okay?
His lip quirked without a trace of humour.
In spite of everything, he thought he was doing a pretty good job of okay. If okay meant his insides wanted to be his outsides and his heartstrings had tied themselves into Gordian knots his brain had no hope of untangling.
Was he okay?
Sakura never got an answer, which was all the answer she really needed.

"Hold him still, Akamaru!"
"Kiba, you jerk! OW!"
Shikamaru paused halfway into the open courtyard, hands slotted into his pockets, one foot extended in a step that never touched down.
He suddenly reconsidered the wisdom in having vacated the balcony.
The screech of outrage which had drawn him down had sounded like a bird being killed. It turned out to be Naruto. And as Shikamaru's hooded gaze scanned the crowd of giggling kids and the targets of their hilarity, his overall impression was simple...
Troublesome.
"Watch where you're swingin' that! You nearly hit me in the—!"
"Would you quit freaking out! Stay still! Then it'll land!"
"I don't want it to land! And not there, you jackass!"
"You said ass!" one of the kids laughed at Naruto, pointing at his posterior rather shamelessly.
Shikamaru's brow flicked up.
The double act was drawing increasing amusement and attention – but the nature of the comedy had him considering the wisdom of stepping onto the stage to close the show.
Naruto, with one foot caught in Akamaru's mouth, was putting up a valiant effort to dodge the little orange bird that whipped between his blond spikes. Kiba, with a look of intense concentration, circled around him with a butterfly net grasped in one hand, making an effort to capture the little orange perpetrator.
Shikamaru blinked very slowly, muttering beneath his breath. "Who the hell gave him a net?"
"Ne, I'd be more bothered by the camera Lee's got," Chōji laughed, strolling up behind him with a yellow bird perched on his broad shoulder, its little head cocking every time the Akimichi spoke as if it were being personally addressed. "He's hiding around the place snapping shots."
"Great." Shikamaru set his still-hovering foot down, cocking a hip against the railing of the walkway as he sighed.
His eyes strayed to the little yellow bird, which took a few bitty steps across Chōji's shoulder as if ready to switch perches. Shikamaru leaned away, waving his hand in a lazy sway that prompted the bird to shuffle back again.
"How's Neji doing?" Chōji asked, stroking the bird's head gently with the pad of his finger.
"Sakura and Hinata will stay with him until he recovers, but the rest of us have gotta get back." Shikamaru slouched against the railing, his eyes on the crowd of kids, though he wasn't really paying attention to them. "We'll head out soon," he said.
Chōji watched him quietly, his large finger ceasing its gentle pat. Before the Akimichi could speak, Akamaru bounded across Shikamaru's field of vision, drawing his eye sharply to the large white dog as he wheeled in dizzy circles, chasing a tiny pink bird that had perched on his tail.
Shikamaru couldn't help but think the dog's dilemma was a reflection of his own. Running in circles as everyone looked on, expecting that it was all part of the plan. To make the picture even more ironic, Akamaru somehow succeeded in nipping his own tail. The dog yelped and turned another circle of miscalculation, accidently bowling a kid over in his haste.
Shit.
Shikamaru tensed as the child sat up, stared at her hands for a long moment and decided it was time to let the world know how unjustly she'd been treated. Her delayed reaction exploded into a shrill bawl that cut above the giggles of the other children.
Ugh…
Shikamaru leaned forward, lifting away from the railing. Sakura beat him to it, which he was more than a little grateful for. She rushed over from the sidelines where she was speaking with an old woman, hefting the bundle of troublesome wails and hiccups onto her hip, stroking the red curls.
"You should keep a leash on that one," Hibari said, rounding one of the trees in the courtyard as he moved over to Shikamaru and Chōji.
Shikamaru's lips twitched upward at one corner. "Tell that to Kiba and see what it gets you."
Hibari arched a brow, following Shikamaru's gaze across towards said dog-nin. "I was talking about your Uzumaki."
"Right…"
Hibari's grey eyes strayed across to Sakura a second later, watching her bounce the kid on her hip. His naturally stern expression changed to something softer. Chōji chuckled good-naturedly, nudging Shikamaru with his elbow. Shikamaru shrugged, not possessing the energy to do much else.
Thankfully, an easy quiet fell.
It was broken only by the peals of laughter from the kids as they chased after Naruto, giving away his position to the flock of orange birds seeking him devotedly – or dementedly – possibly both.
The disposition of the birds varied.
After the smoke had cleared, flocks had come to settle back into their native sections of the forest and village. Some of the tamer, more trusting of the birds had no trouble striking up fresh bonds with any who would pay them attention. It added to that feeling of a new start – the clean slate Hibari had talked about.
The smoke had been like acurtain closing on the last act of Hanegakure's tragedy and now a new stage and a new beginning would mark the destiny of these people.
How their story played out was in the hands of the people.
Those hands had chosen Hibari as one to guide them – at least on their defence front.
As if sensing the Nara's thoughts, Hibari spoke. "Shikamaru."
The shadow-nin looked across from beneath his lashes.
Hibari was frowning, but he looked more thoughtful than troubled. "When your Hyūga wakes up, make sure he knows…he will always have friends in Hanegakure."
Shikamaru closed his eyes. "What about your 'we'll never be friends' justice?"
"I think I've still got a lot to learn about what that means…" Hibari murmured, his voice barely carrying his next words. "About a lot of things."
"You'll do fine." Shikamaru hummed, managing a shadow of a smile. "Besides, you've got a really big sword."
Hibari chuckled quietly, glancing over when Shikamaru straightened up against the railing. "Good point. Even so, it's going to take time to make things right, especially with my clan and getting the birds to trust our shinobi again. Not to mention educating the kids properly about mind transference."
"We'll bring a friend with us next time we visit," Chōji said, smiling as the bird at his shoulder serenaded him in soft coos. "She'll be able to help."
"And she'll love the diet you've got going on here," Shikamaru muttered dryly.
"Shikamaru," Chōji chided.
Hibari looked between the two friends questioningly.
The Nara shook his head. "Never mind." His eyes strayed skyward, clocking the deepening gold of the light filtering through the leaves. "We'll need to make a move soon, Hibari."
The Tsubasa nodded. "Whatever you need to take with you, it's yours. I've already got transportation organised."
"Thanks," Shikamaru said, straightening away from the railing. "We appreciate it."
Hibari followed suit, turning to face the Nara. "Right back at you. You Leaf shinobi, you're not all that bad."
"Dammit!" A yelp from Naruto signalled a badly-timed and badly-aimed swing of the net from Kiba.
"Aww man, so close!"
"Maybe a little lacking in the discipline department," Hibari added, shaking his head.
"Stop scaring the kids!" Sakura growled, her fist raised in a threat that had Naruto using Kiba as a human shield, both against the kunoichi and the birds trying to settle on him.
Hibari pursed his lips to keep from smiling. "But she seems to have a handle on things."
Shikamaru watched Sakura smack her fists to her hips. "Yeah, our women hit a lot."
"Apart from Hinata," Chōji chuckled.
"A Hyūga being an exception to the rule, huh?" Hibari did smile then. "I'd believe it."
The pang was instant and Shikamaru closed his eyes against it. But he wasn't fast enough to stop his next words. They pushed out from behind the paper-thin wall still standing between his head and his heart, rolling off his tongue with deceptive ease, as if it didn't pain him to ask.
"Hibari, I think I'll cash in one last favour."
"Hn? What's that?"
Shikamaru slipped his eyes open, gazing at the sky. "Something I'd like to take back to Konoha."

The sun had begun its slow descent, a great fireball fading into a horizon far beyond the trees. The sky had stained with molten hues, a magnificent turn in colour that not even Shikamaru could have predicted.
Oddly, there was a little bit of comfort in that.
A soft, sharp cry drew his gaze to the silhouette against a flame-touched cloud. The golden eagle soared high, mastering the winds that carried the scent of wood-smoke and the heady aroma of baked goods being packaged for the journey.
Hanegakure kids were helping to load the wagons; two trading carts, to be exact. One had been fitted with a tent canvas, affording privacy to the shinobi that lay in a fevered, almost comatose sleep beneath its shelter.
Hinata had not left Neji's side.
Shikamaru was grateful for that, one of the only states he could afford to be other than focused or distant. Fortunately, he could pretend to blame the latter on fatigue – which wasn't stretching the truth too much. He couldn't remember the last time he'd properly slept.
"Hi, Tricky!"
Startled, the soft chirp had Shikamaru jolting against the wagon, his idle lean against the cart turned rigid as he glanced down at the little girl.
Maki tilted her head, squinting up at him disapprovingly, her tumble of blonde curls struck by a hint of fire in the dying light. "You should say hi," she scolded. "It's rude not to say hi."
Shikamaru gazed at her quietly. The child who had unknowingly saved Neji's life. His eyes gentled from their brooding stare.
"Hey," he said, his tone softer than it had ever been when addressing a kid.
She forgave him instantly, hopping closer to hold out her hands. "Here!"
Shikamaru looked down at them. They were empty. Confusion slotted a faint line between his brows. She lifted them higher, waiting until he unfolded his arms.
Then she threw herself against him.
Her little arms wrapped as far around him as they'd go, squeezing in a hug.
Shikamaru stared ahead in shock, his arms held out to the side awkwardly, shoulders hunched.
He sure as hell hadn't expected this and his stunned expression illustrated it.
She was completely oblivious to his discomfort and embarrassment, which troubled him less than the choked feeling low in his throat that pulled a pinch to his eyes. It didn't really make any sense to him and he made a pointed effort to ignore any possibility his brain rushed to supply. He just stood there and let the kid hug him, not that he thought he'd be able to pry her off either way.
Maki clung like a limpet.
A whole minute must have passed by the time she turned her cheek against his flak jacket and craned her neck to look up at him.
"You give bad hugs."
Shikamaru stared ahead, taking a moment to respond. "Sorry."
Maki giggled, turned her head – without letting go – and called out. "Yuko-chan! Come say bye to Tricky!"
Ah shit.
Another little girl with long ebony hair, who obviously understood this stupid nickname Maki had dubbed him with, shyly shuffled over. A little butter-yellow bird haloed around her head playfully. Shikamaru glanced at her, still uncomfortably trapped in Maki's grip, hoping that his stiff expression would telegraph a signal along the lines of 'give-Tricky-a-break'.
She gave him a hug instead – or at least angled herself enough to tentatively grip his left arm in a squeeze.
Ugh. Troublesome.
Sandwiched awkwardly between the two kids, Shikamaru considered the best way to extricate himself without making them cry. To deal with crying women was one thing, but crying kids was another. Effectively these were little women, which made the potential crying disaster even worse.
Great.
A snicker drew his gaze up.
Naruto lay lounging in one of the trees, probably hiding from his orange-feathered fan club. He grinned down at Shikamaru, mouthing "Tricky".
Shikamaru was tempted to scowl.
Instead he was temporarily blinded as a flash went off a short distance away.
What the hell?
He dropped his arms from their rigid hangman position on reflex, moving to protect the children only to blink the dots from his vision to find Lee a few paces away, a clumpy-looking camera in hand.
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed witheringly.
The girls giggled.
Kiba's voice drifted from behind one of the trees. "Did you get the big softie?"
"A tender moment captured! Mission accomplished!" Lee affirmed, saluting with the camera.
Shikamaru wanted to smack Kiba around the head with it. "Too bad, as team leader I'm confiscating that."
"Pfft," Naruto dismissed from the canopies, dropping down in a rustle of leaves and twigs, plucking both from his hair. "Don't be a killjoy, Tricky."
Shikamaru's eye twitched.
Sakura popped her head out from the canvas flap of the wagon, scowling disapprovingly at the level of noise. Her sharp words died on her tongue when she spied the children – and the strained look on Shikamaru's face.
He looked to her for assistance.
The kunoichi slipped out of the wagon quietly, moving over quietly. That is until Hibari stepped suddenly and silently into view, having passed by from the other side of the cart. Sakura's hand flew to her throat as she shrieked a cry of surprise.
Hibari arched a brow, his lip curving slowly. "You know, that almost sounds like the mating cry of one of our birds."
Sakura shot him a flustered look, gaping for a moment.
"Then it's a pretty confused bird," she growled, trying to recover some decorum.
Hibari braced an arm against the wagon with an arrogance softened by humour, looking her over. "Not sure about the confused part," he hummed deep in his throat, "but it's definitely pretty."
Naruto's jaw dropped.
The kids burst into a fresh round of giggles.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes, clearing his throat non-too-subtly.
"Maki-chan, Yuko-chan, that's enough," Hibari's voice smoothed over the girls' amusement. "Let Shikamaru-san go now."
Yuko obeyed in an instant, whereas Maki took full advantage of the opportunity to stick her lip out in a pout and milk her childish defiance for all it was worth. She gave Shikamaru a tight, lingering hug just to be troublesome before she let him go.
When she looked up, her green orbs shone like malachite. "I wanna say bye to your friend!"
Shikamaru swallowed hard, her words like a knife in his gut.
He kept a careful control of his expression. "I'll tell him for you."
"But I made cookies," Maki said, pointing at the wagon. "Birdies and hearts."
"Maki…" Hibari said, his tone firmer now. "Enough."
The child ducked her head, hiding behind her curls.
It didn't take a genius to predict the tears.
Shit…think…
Shikamaru hesitated, then flicked the catch on a slim compartment of his flak jacket. A sound suppressing jutsu scroll slipped out. He caught it nimbly and detached the chain and musical-note charm. He looped the links around his fingers and dangled it in front of her.
Maki's eyes caught the glint of silver and she looked up, her eyes luminous as she sniffed. She watched the music note charm sway back and forth like a hypnotist's pendulum, eyes wide and captivated.
"Take it," Shikamaru said. "My friend likes birdsong…he wanted me to give this to you…so you don't forget him."
Maki's eyes brightened instantly.
Shikamaru didn't see Sakura's expression crumple sadly.
The little girl bounced on the spot and took the offered gift into her hands as if it were as delicate and precious as spun glass. "Thank you!"
Shikamaru nodded, watching her bite her lip to hold in her glee. She spun in a whirlwind of curls and chased after her dark-haired friend, cradling the item to her heart. Shikamaru watched her for a long moment, a brooding look in his eyes.
"That was kind of you," Hibari said.
Shikamaru shrugged it off, rejecting the attention. "Come to say goodbye, Tsubasa?"
"I'm not giving you a hug, if that's what you're worried about."
Shikamaru snorted, struggling to find his humour. "Smart move."
Sakura looked between them and attempted to lighten Shikamaru's mood by flicking her hand in a feminine gesture of exasperation. "Pfft. Men and their fragile egos. Hugs from little kids can't injure you, you know."
Hibari turned his gaze towards her. "That's too bad. I was hoping to get some of that medical attention."
The pink-haired kunoichi scoffed and crossed her arms several times in front of her as if not knowing what to do with them while she tried not to smile. "Do you have no shame?"
"Absolutely none," Hibari assured with a glint of amusement, looking to Shikamaru. "Stay safe. If you need any medical supplies you can't get there, send that carrier pigeon we gave you. I'll have whatever you need delivered."
"Thanks," the shadow-nin replied, clicking his fingers in front of Naruto's face to snap the Uzumaki out of the protective death-glare he was sending Hibari. "Knock it off."
Kiba strolled onto the scene, effectively diffusing the tension. "I got an owl."
Naruto, attention-span switching in an instant, looked over. "Eh?"
The Inuzuka tipped his chin toward the little brown owl perched on his shoulder. The bird swivelled its head around, blinking eyes that looked freakishly like Lee's.
Naruto squinted, leaning in. "Hey, why do you get an owl and I get creepy little mosquito-birds?"
"Because they want your blood?" Kiba grinned. "Notice how I get the smart bird."
The smart bird took that opportunity to crap on Kiba's shoulder.
A long, heavy pause held.
Kiba turned his head very slowly, staring at the brown offender in shock.
Naruto was the first to lose it and his laughter triggered a ripple of chuckles and hoots around the gathered shinobi, lightening the air almost immediately.
"Oh I'm gonna screw," Kiba growled, jerking his shoulder like he had a nervous twitch, trying to get the bird off.
"Why? You just got lucky already, crap-magnet," Naruto laughed.
"Freak!"
The round of abuse that fired off sent the owl into flight.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes and then rolled his step, using the same motion to lean over and extend his hand to Hibari. The Tsubasa reached across, sealing the gesture in one solid shake. Both ninja drew back to nod.
"Don't be strangers. Stop by again," Hibari said. "As long as I sit with the council, this alliance is more than ink on parchment."
Shikamaru inclined his head. "Our Hokage will be glad to hear it. Take care, Hibari."
Hibari touched a hand to his heart and then curved his palm towards the sky in an age-old gesture of blessing that Hanegakure hadn't used in years.
"Fly free," he said.

Dusk stole the fire from the clouds, turning them to smudges of purple ash against a darkening sky. The stars were beginning to peak through by the time the Konoha team settled into their accommodation a few miles from the borders of Hanegakure.
It turned out to be a shukubo, rather than a guesthouse.
A Temple lodging which served as more of a spiritual retreat for weary, soul-sick travellers labouring on their journey or 'lost on the path of life' as Naruto paraphrased in an imitation of Kakashi that was so poor it was 'lost on' everyone but Sakura.
Shikamaru had wanted nothing more than to lose himself somewhere quiet.
Lose himself for just a moment – a moment where he didn't have to lie, didn't have to think, didn't have to pretend that the concern and fear inside him wasn't ripping him up. Stupid then, that straight after debriefing the team, he'd taken himself to the very place that forced him to suffer all three things. The place where Neji lay, deep in the grip of a blackness he still couldn't shake.
Shikamaru hadn't even stopped to remove his flak jacket, just his sandals. He'd spoken only to convince Hinata to go and get some sleep. Then he'd taken over vigil of Neji without looking at the Jōnin's face. And in silence he'd knelt, tending each of Neji's numerous, blue-black bruises with the salve Hinata had given him. Each time a fresh wave of fever had broken out, the Nara had dabbed the Hyūga clean and reapplied the salve.
Over and over...
And then, two hours later, the sliding door scraped open softly.
Shikamaru, his eyes half-lidded with exhaustion, paused with his fingers settled above Neji's chest and flicked his gaze up to the kunoichi that stood in the doorway. Sakura offered a fragile smile that pursed in a knot of disapproval when Akamaru nudged past her and into the room, batting her with his tail.
"He keeps coming in here," Sakura muttered.
The dog padded over, ears arched and muzzle twitching as the strong scent of Hinata's salve drew him over to Neji. Shikamaru frowned at the canine, but the scowl dissolved when Akamaru cocked his head down at the sick ninja, ears arched as he yipped softly then whined at the lack of response.
"Where's Kiba?" Shikamaru asked, his voice scraping out hoarse and tired.
"Sleeping, don't worry." Sakura folded her arms, her face a picture of tense concern as she leaned against the frame. "Shikamaru…you need to rest too."
"This isn't exactly taxing on my brain," he replied, a little caustically.
Sakura's shoulders stiffened. "It's not your brain I'm concerned about."
Shikamaru's jaw twitched, his eyes on Neji's chest as it rose and fell in shallow, sharp breaths, the skin raw beneath his fingers. "Give me a break, alright?"
"Why do you think I'm here?"
Shikamaru sank back a little on his knees, calmly setting the salve pot down with his free hand, his other still keeping contact with Neji's skin even though he'd finished covering the last contusion about ten minutes ago.
"That's not what I mean."
"I know what you mean." Sakura frowned, then sucked in a breath, controlling herself before she stepped over. "Let me take over."
Shikamaru waved her off. "I'm done."
"Then you can rest."
"Just back off, alright!" Shikamaru snarled, his eyes flashing like brandy set on fire.
Akamaru's ears flattened and his tail tucked.
Sakura went rigid against the door, drawing her head back at the cutting look in his eyes, her own widening at the rare display of disturbing aggression from the shadow-nin. But the concern held strong in her expression, her lush green eyes soft and sad.
Shit.
The anger sucked out of Shikamaru's eyes as a cold gush rushed through him, settling at his temples in an ache. He sank back further onto the futon and his hand slipped off Neji's scorching skin.
He drew a leg up to prop his elbow, rubbing at his brow, his voice a ragged whisper. "Sorry."
Akamaru's ears lifted, nose twitching, scenting the tension. He whined consolingly and padded around to Shikamaru's futon, flopping down beside it with a bat of his tail against the Chūnin's leg.
Sakura took longer to respond.
She held a tense and pensive silence, eventually slotting the door shut behind her to walk over without a word. She checked Neji's pulse and the gauze taped neatly at his clavicle, moving to the low table where the medicinal supplies were laid out.
Shikamaru heard her grinding something with a pestle and mortar. He was almost in sympathy with whatever she was crushing, given that the two vital organs in his chest and head felt like they were being similarly ground into a pulp.
But as he listened, the scraping grind of the tools began to lull his mind into a trance. The monotonous, steady sound…slowly eroding the edges of his awareness…slowly making every blink a little bit heavier…his breathing deeper…
When he finally crumpled sideways, he didn't feel Akamaru cushion the fall.

Singing…they were singing…
Kitori had been singing…hadn't she?
No…
No, this was chanting…a mantra of deep, steady voices…prayer…like Temple song…
Temple…?
Neji's eyes flickered open, glazed opal orbs struggling to focus through splashes of black and bursts of fizzing colour…all warped and melting into the cauldron of his skull…feverish…blistering…
Where…?
He turned his head a little, pain stabbing behind his eyes at the small movement.
Where am I…?
He squinted, trying to clear his vision.
It sharpened just enough for him to discern features cut in familiar angles…angles his fingers, mouth and eyes had traced before…
In that weak flash of clarity, it was easy to forget that he'd been betrayed.
It was easy to believe…that it had all been an imagining…that even the lies had been lies...
"Shikamaru…"
Neji rasped the name as he slipped into black, just seconds before Shikamaru slipped back out of it.

"Shikamaru…"
Shikamaru stirred when warm breath feathered across his forehead.
His brows drew together in a drowsy frown.
Hn?
The Nara tilted his head back, his mouth brushing something that tickled his lips, causing his nose to wrinkle as he sniffed and slowly blinked his eyes open.
The hell?
Shikamaru blinked a little more, dragging his tired body into responding as his brain revved into gear almost instantly. When he finally blinked the fog from his eyes, the tickling sensation resolved itself into Neji's hair…which had fallen across his face…they were that close…close enough that Shikamaru could taste the Hyūga's shallow breaths…
God…
Shikamaru jerked up onto his elbow on reflex, wincing at the throb in his temples.
Akamaru's ears twitched and the dog's head raised, turning towards Shikamaru, tail wagging once. The Nara barely noticed, his attention riveted on the sleeping figure beside him. As a very belated afterthought, the shadow-nin took a quick glance around the room.
Other than Akamaru, he was alone.
Sheets had been draped over him, suggesting that either Sakura or Hinata had checked in.
Shit…how long was I out?
Looking across at Neji, he examined the Hyūga's wound. The gauze needed to be changed, which suggested he couldn't have been out for more than a half hour or so. Taking care to avoid looking at Neji's face, the Nara brushed the mocha strands away from Neji's throat and checked his pulse…then against his brain's order, he arched his thumb, stroking it along the underside of the Hyūga's jaw.
Fuck…stop…
Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut and tore his hand away.
He quickly set his mind to the task at hand and went about cleaning up Neji's wound, dabbing away the mess and tapping Sakura's powder into the cut to help clot the blood. But even this simple, focused task was starting to pull Shikamaru's breath into something rough and tight in his throat. He swallowed and blinked, trying to keep his hand steady as he applied the gauze, taping it down carefully. Then suddenly, his breath caught so hard in his throat that he choked on it.
Fuck…get out…get out…
Shikamaru pulled himself away, almost tripping over the sheets in his haste to disentangle himself. Akamaru watched him with his head cocked, clearly not understanding the shadow-nin's panic, woofing softly.
Get out...
Shikamaru practically tore the door across, startling Hinata, who had made to slide it from the other side. Her wide eyes settled on his face. Wide, white, Hyūga eyes.
"Shikamaru-kun?"
Shikamaru blinked and brushed past her, moving fast in whatever direction seemed like the quickest exit.
Walk it off…breathe…
His strides grew with every pace, almost breaking into a run.
A monk passed down along the other end of the corridor.
Shikamaru cursed beneath his breath, veered his path and moved for a side door. It led him out into one of the Zen-like gardens. The minute the cold night air hit his face, he jolted to a stop and passed a hand across his face, running it around to the back of his neck, gripping hard as he squeezed his eyes shut.
A light flickered on in one of the rooms.
The illumination startled Shikamaru into movement.
He turned his step and began to walk.
Just move...
Without direction, he idled down a path formed by broad stepping stones.
It led him to a hot-spring.
It had been crafted into a simple onsen, the waters obscured by a fog of steam.
Shikamaru stood, gazing into the vapours while fireflies floated like lost spirits around him. A fragrant, smoky waft of incense carried heavy on the air, drifting with the evening song of monks in prayer.
Shikamaru inhaled deep, released a shaky sigh.
He stood there long enough for a firefly to land on his shoulder, twinkling gently. Sucking in another cold breath, he tucked his hands into the pockets of his Chūnin pants and composed his rattled emotions.
Not here. Not now.
He turned to head back, only to freeze on the spot.
Further up the path, an elderly monk dressed in orange robes stood unmoving, watching him with a sage expression, his arthritic hands gnarled around a cane.
Crap…
Sensing that he might have trespassed unknowingly, Shikamaru bowed and quickly moved to exit the area. He didn't get very far. As he made to pass by the monk, the old man smacked out his cane, barring Shikamaru's path.
The Nara paused, brow creasing in confusion.
The monk's face, etched deep with stern lines, bore resemblance to weathered tree-bark and his oval eyes were whitened by cataracts. His blind orbs stared straight ahead, not looking at Shikamaru.
Shikamaru cleared his throat, about to offer a spoken apology.
His attempt at courtesy was cut short by the cane poking into his ribs, followed by a surprisingly strong shove in the direction of the hot spring. The shadow-nin backtracked, unable to do anything else with the cane held out like a sword as he was backed up towards the lip of the pool.
What the hell?
Suddenly, the monk dropped his makeshift blade, cracking the end of the cane back to the stone slabs. Shikamaru frowned, trying to understand why he'd been corralled with a damned stick like a misled deer. Before he could ask, the monk's cane swung up again, stopping a scant inch from his forehead.
"You," the old man croaked. "Stay."
Shikamaru blinked, not appreciating that he was being talked to like a dumb dog. However, he had the feeling that any attempt to go against the command might cost him his eye if the shake of the cane above his brow was any indication.
It's not like he could get aggressive with an old man - a monk, at that.
If he thought it would do any good, he might have considered getting the monk to knock him over the head with the damned stick, if only to do his brain a favour. Instead, he watched as the monk lowered his cane and shuffled his way around the edges of the pool, lighting a ring of small paper lanterns placed there. Any attempts Shikamaru made to assist the stooping man only garnered him another poke in the forehead or ribs. So the Nara stood to one side, watching exhaustedly through his lashes.
God dammit, he just wanted to be left alone. Not shepherded into another uncomfortable situation he had no escape from. His nerves were rubbed raw, coated in a pathetic layer of lies that were beginning to slip.
God…I don't have the energy for this…
He watched in silence as the monk reached a shaking hand into the sleeve of his orange robe, leaning on his cane as he sprinkled some salts into the steaming waters.
Shikamaru frowned.
Not a second later that cane was swinging back up, tapping the furrow in his forehead like a finger. This time, those blind eyes stared directly into Shikamaru's dark orbs with a deep, eerie kind of knowing.
"You," the monk said softly, nodding towards the pool. "Wash it away."

It washed over him in waves…waves of fire…god it burned…
The world was like black flames around the edges, his nerves shrivelling under the heat of it, his breaths thickening in the humidity of it.
Wet fire in his veins…
He could taste it…
"Like fire on my tongue…"
A jumble of sensations, pain and pleasure...one real and one remembered...
"God…how can you think you're cold? Fuck…you're burning…"
Shikamaru moving above him, inside him, beneath him...
This time he wasn't tasting Shikamaru...he was taking him...
"I should tear you up instead..."
Anger. Need.
"If you need to hate me...then hate me..."
Neji's lashes flickered, his lips shaking out a breath as he tried to escape the sheets draped over his fevered skin, raw and stinging like razors were scraping across it.
"He's still burning up…" a voice said from somewhere above him.
Or was it behind him? Was he even lying down?
"It should break by morning."
Break…?
Something wet nuzzled his temple. A whine sounded at his ear, low and raspy and tapering into a pitch that caused him to wince.
"Akamaru…" Hinata. Hinata's voice.
Then the scent of something like incense...he tried to follow it...hold onto it…
Wake up…
He felt the barest prick at the crook of his arm…and the black surged inside him again…spinning his world into a dark firestorm…
"You don't lose, remember? Don't start now…"
Neji's heart pulsed…and it began to beat stronger…

Don't. Fall. Asleep.
Shikamaru lifted his heavy lashes.
He tilted his head back against the edge of the onsen pool, gazing up at the star-scattered sky through the heavy layer of steam and water wrapped around him like a sheet.
He was finally alone…
Fighting sleep…
Fighting thoughts…
Fighting himself…
Fighting the reality that dawn would come and he'd be gone, leaving behind what he'd left Konoha to fix in the first place. Maybe it was arrogant as well as stupid to assume it would turn out clean-cut…that they'd both escape unscathed…
I can't be sorry…
If he was, then what did that say? That he regretted it? He shook his head sharply, sending droplets scattering from his jaw.
He wasn't supposed to be thinking about this.
But he couldn't just wash it away…
Sorry old man…wish I could…
And when he looked back to the stars with tiredness eating into every fibre pulling tight inside him, he felt that hole in his chest yawn as wide as the endless sky.
"You killed me…before this could…"
The Nara's eyes burned wetly then drifted shut, the water rippling as he sank deeper, tempted to just sink to the bottom and let out a roar that wouldn't be heard. But when his jaw touched the steaming surface, he rose up again, thudding his head back.
The healing waters could steal the ache from his body.
Too bad they couldn't touch the place he needed it the most.
Shikamaru drew a slow breath.
He pushed down the sadness rising up.
Not now…
He was coming dangerously close to being just a little too tired to fight it anymore.
It was time to go.
A good thing that dawn would break before he did.
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Break to Breathe