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Break to Breathe	By : Okami-Rayne Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Shikamaru/Neji Views: 1958 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: NARUTO and its respective characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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- 42
BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Forty One

[Dedicated to Cuzosu]

"Hyūga Neji. By order of the Godaime Hokage, you will cooperate with this procedure…or I will be forced to make you."
The words skirted around the edges of Neji's mind, not quite breaching the shock even though the wall of denial had shattered. It felt like he was caught in another dream. A sequence of surreal events playing out which were beyond his control. How fitting then, that he couldn't move – just like a dream where the body refused to cooperate.
"Cooperate with this procedure…"
Neji drew a rough breath, his voice shuddering out hoarse. "Release me, Shikamaru."
Shikamaru's eyes shuttered. "If that's your answer, then you leave me no choice." The shadow-nin delivered the words without inflection, not even his expression modulated.
The only thing that moved was Shikamaru's hand as it reached for his transmitter; Neji's fingers mimicked the gesture.
"Hinata, Sakura."
Shock struck Neji like a sledgehammer, rounding his eyes and crushing the breath from him in a whoosh. He'd have swayed forward if he hadn't been held in the shadow possession.
He accounted for this...right at the start...premeditated it...
The nauseating reality flooded through him.
His eyes dropped to the ground, wide and unseeing.
Sakura's voice crackled through the static. "I know. I'm almost there."
He didn't even register his hand lowering when Shikamaru dropped his fingers away from his transmitter. "They're under my orders. For their safety and your own, I'm incapacitating you."
Neji wasn't listening.
He couldn't hear above the rush of blood and pressure in his head.
A pain like no other was clawing through his chest, like jagged, cold blades through the tender flesh of his heart. He didn't think it was a place that could ever be torn that way again, for all the armour he'd constructed around it.
All the armour he'd had broken and shattered…or had slowly let fall in moments of stolen weakness…just to leave him open enough to be manipulated…
The events came in starbursts of flashing clarity, so clear and undeniable.
Gods..all this time...
The ice that frosted Neji eyes this time wasn't denial. And the tearing pain inside him, the excruciating sense of betrayal, began to acidize. His expression took on a corrosive edge more dangerous than his voice as it seethed out between his teeth.
"God help you the second I'm free, Nara."
Shikamaru's face betrayed nothing, but Neji felt the tightening of the shadow possession instinctively; the barest pull of the Nara's chakra around his own, like a hand adjusting its grip. In five minutes Neji would break that grip. Perhaps less if the faint pinch around Shikamaru's eyes was any indication of his chakra limit.
Three minutes.
Pushed by the threat, Shikamaru began to shift forward one step at a time. Neji, forced to mirror the movement, was pulled closer to the source of the pain he could no longer feel with the fury blistering inside him. His chakra crackled with it and the sheer force of his anger began to vibrate between them.
Shikamaru winced, a slight pull at his lips as he bit back the sound.
Neji felt the waver in the Chūnin's jutsu.
Either Shikamaru had been injured or he'd overexerted his chakra at the aviary. Neji crushed the instinctive urge to look him over for wounds rather than weaknesses. Scouting for the latter, he flicked his pale eyes over the approaching figure.
But the Hyūga's vision was tunnelling, the periphery of his senses dulling.
The injuries he couldn't see were taking their toll, straining against the anger feeding into his chakra. Every breath felt laboured, his lungs struggling to expand through the pain of drawing air.
They drew close, but the distance Shikamaru kept between them was nothing compared to the distance in the Nara's voice when he spoke. "Sakura, move it. Where is Hinata?"
"She's on her way," Sakura said quietly, her voice subdued, reluctant.
Neji's jaw steeled as he detected a vague splash of movement out the corner of his eye. He heard the pink-haired kunoichi approaching, her steps slow. A crunch of grit and swish of grass. The sounds amplified in his head with every heartbeat. It was taking a lot to keep his focus.
"Neji, this is just a sedative. I'm sorry." Sakura's words came through in waves, distorted and warped.
"Hokage's orders," Shikamaru said, clipped and unaffected.
Orders…
Neji couldn't turn his head to observe Sakura, but he thought he heard the flip of the catch on her ninja pouch. Every sinew in his hand tightened. The nausea in his gut combined with his anger, pushing bile and blood up his throat.
Fuck…
"Take it easy, Hyūga," Shikamaru said, his voice frustratingly calm. "We're not your enemy."
Neji's gaze swung back towards Shikamaru, his white eyes glazed and clouded like smoky quartz. He squinted sharply, just about able to discern the Nara's figure.
"Just you…Nara…" he growled out, not sure whether the words made it past the cough that ripped out of him.
Blood flew from his lips. And in that brief second of rib-rattling agony, his body jolted with a flash of sensory awareness. And he felt it. The weakening in Shikamaru's hold, like uncertainty…like concern…
Lies…
Neji's eyes flashed.
Whatever it was that caused the Nara's focus to break, it was all Neji needed to slip from the weakened shadow possession. His next movements were on instinct alone and summoning what remained of his strength, he reacted.
Sakura's needle never made it to his neck.
His hand shot up, the side of his palm catching her wrist to jolt the hypodermic away. It went spinning off into the grass. The knock left her wide open and Neji's hand came down hard at the junction of neck and shoulder, the pressure-hit calculated to stun. She dropped to her knees with a sharp cry.
Shikamaru also dropped to his knees, for an entirely different purpose.
Neji spun and met his gaze head-on.
Their glares crashed and locked.
Even through the blurring of his vision, there was no mistaking the look that held. It lasted for the briefest of seconds, but it felt like an eternity opened up between them – and inside of them. In that cold, hostile void, Shikamaru's lips framed words Neji didn't need to hear to know what was coming next. The Nara's hands had already shaped the sign.
The shadows burst forth like black vipers, slender threads closing distance fast.
Neji staggered, barely keeping his balance as he raised his palm and slid a foot back, forcing his body to respond to commands that just wouldn't translate to his limbs. His left side was in agony and he was shaking with the strain, roped muscles tightening to keep him from collapsing.
Then his vision washed out again.
His eyes lost focus completely and his chest seized.
He couldn't breathe.
Tentacles of black snaked around his wrist, jerking his hand down from its raised jut, pulling him forward as another coiled up along his arm, more dark vines twisting around his legs. He jerked in the hold, garnering more lashes of black around his other wrist, binding him, holding him…
Controlling him...
Neji's eyes widened and a slash of panic stole across his face.
Let me go.
The helpless sensation of being overpowered and outmanoeuvred without a chance to even try to defend himself brought back memories and fears blacker than the shadows wrapping around him.
Chaining him...
Let me go!
He didn't hear Shikamaru shouting for Hinata.
The memories, the cruel and condescending words, the pain in his head, the echo of a hundred nightmares were closing around him too fast, faster than the restraints.
Caging him...
LET ME GO!
The fear and rage sparked, ignited and tore like a blue firestorm through every artery and vein. The force of his chakra exploded just seconds before Shikamaru could anchor him.
Hinata's scream rent the air. "Neji! NO!"
A flood of ice-blue light ripped out of him, every blocked tenketsu bursting.
"ROTATION!"

Shikamaru sensed the backfire coming seconds before it happened.
Shit.
The hair on the back of his neck went electric. He felt the crackle of chakra, the volatile snap of it through the binds of his shadows after he lost his focus to his concern. A vital mistake that cost him everything.
Oh God no…
It happened so fast that it played out slowly. Like time wanted to sadistically drag out the seconds it took for him to watch it all go wrong. The look on Neji's face had his heart twisting so violently in his chest he could have sworn the Hyūga's jutsu had wrapped around it and torn it in two.
NO!
The shadows were repelled so fast they blew apart from the force of the palm rotation, taut black ropes snapping like elastic. Shikamaru fell forward, catching himself on his hands as he half-crawled, half-shoved himself up again.
"Sakura!" he roared.
The kunoichi was already staggering to her feet.
Shikamaru pushed into a run, watching as Neji's blinding revolution imploded in a violent flare, sucking all the chakra back out of the air in a vicious reversal. Neji's spin slowed to a grinding halt and he collapsed as he turned on his heel, dropping into the crater created by his jutsu.
Shikamaru's heart stopped dead in his chest.
He froze on the spot.
Hinata dashed past, screaming. "Neji-niisan!"
Her voice jolted him.
Panic slammed through, followed by the whiplash sensation of a hundred other emotions. They thrashed him numb. Numb enough to bypass emotion and grab onto his fraying focus.
Move!
He bolted forward and skidded down the shallow crater, crouching beside Neji, forcing his mind into autopilot as he rolled the Hyūga onto his back while Hinata straightened out his legs. Sakura rushed down, sliding her hands under the mass of mocha hair to support Neji's head on her lap as he was turned.
"Neji…"
Neji's skin was grey and taut against the high bones of his cheeks, his lips a shade of blue that had the colour draining from Shikamaru's face in an instant. The Nara stared, muscles petrified by panic. It didn't touch his face, but it was crushing the breath out of him.
No…not like this…
"He's breathing," Sakura said, her fingers sliding to check vital signs. "His heart rate is elevating, which means his oxygen saturation rate is dropping."
Shikamaru didn't respond, react, or understand – he just stared.
"Hinata, quickly," Sakura said, her voice firm, her medic's training kicking in as she popped the button on Neji's robe and parted the fabric. "I need to dissolve the embolisms fast, or he's going to go into cardiac arrest. Shikamaru move, we need some space."
Neji's eyes flickered open, paralysing Shikamaru completely.
White eyes, glassy and unseeing, turned up towards him.
Those dark lashes drooped heavily but didn't fall shut.
Shikamaru watched in numb shock as Neji fought the black of unconscious, stronger in its pull than his shadows had been. Stronger than the Hyūga had the energy to resist – but still he fought. Like that mocha bird Shikamaru had watched in its cage; broken but clawing against the inevitable.
Neji just wouldn't stop.
Stop…please stop…stop fighting…
A burn was pressing hard against the backs of Shikamaru's eyes.
Stop…
Blood leaked from Neji's lips, bringing a morbid colour back to the ashen mouth as it moved soundlessly. Shikamaru kept out of Hinata's way as she scanned Neji's chest, but leaned his head down enough to place his ear to the Hyūga's lips.
Neji's words choked out in a hoarse and broken rattle…
Words that had Shikamaru sinking back on his heels as if he'd been stabbed, his eyes blank and wide as he felt the gutting sensation of an unseen hole opening up deep in his chest.
Pale eyes dulled and rolled back as Neji arched in pain, choking out a cry.
Shikamaru's throat tightened.
"Shikamaru, move!" Sakura pressed a hand to his shoulder.
The Nara shoved to his feet and backpedalled out of the crater and out of the way.
Sakura took charge, the green glow of her hands drawing to a sharper, petal-shaped precision. Hinata's eyes directed her, the dark-haired kunoichi's hand moving to Neji's head. A touch of her Gentle Fist was all it took.
Neji's body jerked against the touch then went limp, his lashes falling shut.
Shikamaru stared down, stunned and unblinking.
Only his eyes made a mockery of his composure, glistening and shuttered.
He stood trapped in a state of utter uselessness as the two key players in his strategy took the reigns. They worked swiftly and spoke quickly. But it all moved so slow…and all he could do was watch, hovering on the edge of the small dip. A symbolic irony of the edge he'd tried to pull Neji back from. But when Sakura looked up, her aqua eyes fierce and luminous with fear, Shikamaru wondered if he hadn't pushed the Hyūga off it completely.
"Shikamaru," she said in a voice too shaky to be calm.
Hinata's eyes were wet and wide.
A nameless alarm took hold of Shikamaru's brain, shaking it from its lockdown even as his blood chilled. His hand moved automatically, something else taking over before the panic could. His fingers touched his mic and he cleared the rock from his throat, expression so still his lips barely moved.
"Chōji…" he croaked.

The whisper, deep and soothing, came again. Haunting and familiar.
"Neji…you must live…"
Why? You didn't.
Something cold swept across the fever of his skin, a rush of air or breath. The scent of birds, sweat and smoke and a hint of…
"Shikamaru-kun!"
Sound exploded into the matte black but swirled out again like water down a plughole, spinning around dialogue, voices, breathing. He couldn't breathe…he felt oddly disembodied…like this arms and legs weren't attached to him…there was just his torso…and the intense sensation of his heart strings turning to barbed wire…wire wrapping around his lungs…squeezing…
I can't breathe…
"Shikamaru, you need to listen."
"No, you need to find another way."
Another way…?
He was either being carried or floating…maybe both…or neither…he knew this feeling…the sensation of slipping…the voices pulled him back from the numbness…a badly tuned reception in his head…picking up on pieces…
"Shikamaru-san, it's worse than…"
"…asking me to let you poison…"
"…understand the number of blood clots then you'd…"
Gods…where am I?
Solid, something solid beneath him…cold…metallic…birds were screaming.
Stop…
"…she said you'd be able to handle this."
"…out of my league, Shikamaru…it's this level of damage…precision of…"
"…needs a medic, not a god damned vet…"
"I'm all you have…"
"…work with it, or Hibari and the others will know something's wrong…"
"…let us work. Please."
"…mission is over…Shikamaru and this…isn't that what you wanted?"
Mission…it was a mission…all this time…
Neji felt fire spreading down his left side, the pain so intense the black seemed welcoming…he let it take him…it was quiet…peaceful…
All this time…

"Hey, Shikamaru! Nice of you to show up!"
Kiba's voice rolled down the aviary dome.
The dog-nin sat on Akamaru's back, waving one hand, a pair or binoculars in the other as he surveyed the village from higher up.
Shikamaru ignored him, moving along the parapets of the aviary in quick, sharp strides. Chōji followed behind him; quiet and concerned but asking no questions. Shikamaru's eyes were like flint, dark lashes framing a set of mahogany orbs that stared just a little too intensely as they scanned the scorched ground below.
To anyone else he might have looked deep in tactical mode.
But the mode of analysis he was operating in now wasn't tactical. It was critical. Critical because it was the only thing keeping his head together and his body moving forwards instead of backwards. He felt like his stomach was turning in on itself.
The mission.
His brain fired out commands, clipped and quick.
Clean up. Calm village. Hold council.
He reached for his mic and tuned the feed. "Team R, the water scrolls took out the flames, but make sure we're completely clear closer to the village. We don't want any embers. Double-check the other spots we hit. Make it quick."
I was too slow…too slow to react…one hesitation…that's all it took…
Shikamaru shook his head sharply. He flicked his gaze upwards, watching the mass flock of birds orbiting the sky in a signal of peace and calm that every man, woman and child of the village would understand. The citizens of Hanegakure, including the shinobi, had stopped fighting.
He never stopped.
Shikamaru clenched his jaw, taking a moment to speak.
"Naruto," he said, adjusting his mic again.
"Yeah?" came the husky response down the line.
"What's your status?"
"Really hungry."
Shikamaru gestured to Chōji, his palm curving in a sign toward the Temple. "Where's Hibari?"
"In the Temple. Still doin' that mind transference. Er, Shikamaru…these guys are looking at me funny."
"That's the natural affect of your face," Kiba laughed down the line.
"Jerk. Seriously, Shikamaru…they're er…not looking friendly."
"With the birds holding formation, they won't attack," Shikamaru said, his strides lengthening as he approached the bridge that Chōji had thundered down during the fight. "They're scared and leaderless. Don't piss them off. Their clan elders and rebel benefactors are who we need to talk to."
"Yeah, alright. Hey, where's Neji?"
Shikamaru blinked hard, picking up his pace.
"He was injured, but he's gonna be fine." The words rolled out with a kind of detached composure that seemed effortless. It wasn't.
"Dammit," Naruto growled. "Was it that ugly Priest guy?"
"Yeah…" Shikamaru leapt over the ditch surrounding the Temple, the flames having been doused. "Naruto, stay where you are. Kiba, make sure any injured Hanegakure shinobi are getting medical attention."
"Right."
"On it."
Shikamaru cut the feed, pacing across the stone apron towards the great stone doors. A shadow cut across his path, smooth and swift and circling. The Nara glanced up, watching the golden eagle turn graceful loops above him. She let out a soft, piercing cry.
"She likes you."
The shadow-nin dropped his gaze, slowing to a stop when Hibari met him at the threshold to the Temple.
Shikamaru arched a brow, his expression as flat as his voice. "I held her down and incapacitated her. Not much to like."
Hibari smiled, leaning against one of the massive doors for support. "Yeah, but she knows why you did it. Guess she forgives you."
Shikamaru stared blankly at Hibari, his throat starting to tighten despite the look of disinterest he kept pulled across his face. He cleared his throat quietly, glancing skyward as he flexed the fingers of his bandaged hand.
"The peace will hold with that bird formation?"
Hibari nodded, the light catching his hitai-ate as he tipped his head back to follow Shikamaru's gaze. "Yeah, the village know that's a sign of amity and peace." A faint smile tugged at his lips and the hard, jaded look fell away from his eyes. "Hasn't happened in a long time and even if the people aren't feeling secure, I know they're curious as to what this all means. We're safe for now."
"How do you know for sure?" Chōji asked, also watching the birds.
"Well," Hibari shrugged and hobbled forward. "We're not dead."
Shikamaru forced a weak smirk, the strain showing in his eyes. "Let's keep it that way. Where do we meet with the clan elders?"
Hibari tilted his chin towards the bridge, something like hope touching his eyes. "Our people on the inside are already making arrangements. Isuka radioed in a complication with some of the birds but said she'd be along shortly. It'll help to have her present. She holds a lot of sway with the people."
Shit…
Shikamaru shuttered his eyes, struggling to keep the façade in place. God, he was suddenly so damned tired. He would have closed his eyes if he didn't think the look would give him away or that he'd collapse on the spot. Something must have been leaking through because Hibari glanced back at him and paused for a moment.
All the shadow-nin could manage was to raise a brow in response.
The Tsubasa hummed and a grim twist touched his mouth. "Looking rough around the edges there, Nara."
Shikamaru shrugged wearily. "Yeah. It's been a rough day."
"How are your people doing?"
The question hit the bull's-eye on his guilt, striking a nerve dead-on-centre. It spread fresh tension to every part of him. The chords in Shikamaru's throat flexed uncomfortably beneath his turtleneck, but his face didn't change.
"We survived," he said.
Hibari cocked his head, confused at the bleak response. Shikamaru pretended to glance into the Temple. He had no energy to react to that look.
"Shikamaru!"
It took every bit of energy not to react to that voice. Instead of whirling around, he tossed a casual glance over his shoulder, half-turning. Sakura jogged across the stone apron, her pink strands fastened up and out of her face with her headband. There was blood on her, but she didn't look panicked, just tired. Shikamaru searched her face, but she gave nothing away, aware of the company around them as she approached.
Hibari straightened up against the stone door. "Wondered where you ran off to."
The kunoichi stopped beside Shikamaru, her eyes straying briefly to Hibari as she looked the redhead over. One corner of the Tsubasa's lips quirked upwards, his eyes locked on her face in a blatant stare.
Shikamaru arched a brow.
Sakura blushed, attempted a scowl and raised her chin. "Well, you're not dead. So I guess you didn't do anything reckless."
Hibari smiled wryly, feigning a look of disappointment. "And here I was thinking it might get your attention."
Shikamaru looked askance at Hibari, wondering if he'd misheard.
What?
"Only my medical attention, Tsubasa," Sakura warned, trying hard not to smile as she grabbed Shikamaru's wrist and tugged him away with a huff. "Excuse us."
Hibari's smile cracked into a chuckle and he limped across the apron, halting awkwardly when Lee bolted out of the Temple and offered to carry him – which didn't happen.
"Shikamaru?" Chōji called, looking to him for direction.
The Nara waved him on with his free hand. "Yeah, I'll catch up."
Dragged out of earshot, Shikamaru held his tongue. But his silence was based more on fear of knowing the answer rather than any pretence at patience. Inside, his nerves were tighter than trip wires.
Sakura released his wrist and turned to him. "He's stabilised."
The relief gushed through Shikamaru so fast and strong he almost swayed forward to grip his thighs. He blinked slowly and drew a quiet breath through his nose, visibly sagging as some of the tension bled out. Sakura watched him carefully, monitoring him like a heartbeat.
"But if Chōji hadn't cleared that path for us, then it would have been really…" she trailed off, sighing. "Shikamaru, will you listen to me this time?"
He inclined his head, too relieved and drained to single out her words and pick them apart for possibilities. Not that it stopped his mind from pre-empting, or continuing on ahead of his exhaustion. The relief was short-lived, his eyes sharpening on hers.
"Yeah, I'm listening."
Sakura rubbed the back of her wrist across her cheek and blew an errant strand of pink from her face. "There was a lot of mess to clean up."
Shikamaru stared expressionlessly. "Explain."
"You already know that his stagnant chakra blocks created blood clots." She waited for his nod. "Well, when he used the palm rotation it blew open all the chakra blocks and at the same time it dislodged all the blood clots. There were too many of them for me to dissolve with chakra and they were moving too fast in his system. We needed something else."
Shikamaru would have felt that cold dread crawling through him at this point, but Sakura still looked too calm for alarm to be kicking in.
The Nara's eyes narrowed. "You needed the poison, is that what you're trying to say?"
Sakura nodded. "I understand why that freaked you out."
No, you don't.
Shikamaru scowled. "Isuka suggested brodifacoum, Sakura. Do you know what the hell that is?"
Sakura drew her head back at his sharp tone. "Yes, it's what Ozuku had them killing the sick birds with. Like rat poison."
"Yeah, ever seen what that stuff can do to a human?"
"No, but—"
"Well I have," Shikamaru snapped, then pressed his lips as she looked at him in question.
Dammit.
He glanced away from her, working his jaw as he stared hard at the ash-scarred stone of the apron, trying to clear his head and centre his thoughts from their wild spin into the past, present and possible future.
"Still racing a mile a minute, Nara?"
He closed his eyes in a kind of pain at the memory of Neji's words.
And I still wasn't fast enough…I never was…every time…
Sakura studied him in silence.
Leaves scraped across the ground between them, tumbling and turning on a cool breeze. Shikamaru felt her hand settle on his arm lightly, falling away when he glanced back at her out the corner of his eye.
"Shikamaru, you need to understand. We needed to thin Neji's blood fast to dissolve those embolisms." She held her palms apart to illustrate time. "Normally with his condition it's done over a period of time with an anticoagulant. But it can take up to a week for the blood to be thinned." She touched her palms together. "There was no time for that. We needed to use that poison. Isuka knows what she's doing."
Shikamaru's chin tipped down, not quite a nod. "Yeah, I hear you."
"Good," she murmured, some of her own tension dissolving. "Right now his blood is thinning. I healed all the external wounds he took, so he won't bleed out. We have to keep him wound-free. It will be a few days before his blood clots normally again, but the embolisms will be gone."
Shikamaru frowned, calculating time as he scanned the ground, pushing himself into a steady pace. Sakura followed him and they moved across the stone apron in a slow walk. He didn't sense her watching him with concern, his focus turned too far inward.
There was so much that he still had to cover.
The peace alliance, the team debrief, the mission reports – which he'd have to check and doctor accordingly – plus the assurance that all loose ends were tied and covered and double guarded against some disastrous backfire.
The memory of blue chakra tearing into the clearing tore a look of pain across his face. He raised a hand to his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the sound of Neji's voice and the image of his face.
Forget this was anything else…don't fuck up…not again…not now…
The thoughts churned so fast he didn't realise his pace had accelerated until Sakura jogged a little beside him, forcing his step to slow.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah…headache…"
"Shikamaru."
He stopped walking but didn't face her, forcing Sakura to step around him as they paused near the edge of the moat Chōji had carved. Her aqua-hued eyes softened with a gutting sympathy when he met her gaze through his lashes.
"He's going to be fine, Shikamaru," she encouraged, smiling.
The Nara's eyes strayed to the side. "Yeah."
"Shikamaru, call it a mission if that's what you want, but you saved his life."
No…I didn't…
He failed to hear the reassurances that followed. Her voice began to recede, as did the chatter of thoughts, the scrape of the leaves across the stone and the chorus of song in the skies. Sound vanished into that pit that had opened up deep in his gut and chest, leaving a horrible pressure in his ears and in his head and in the backs of his stinging eyes as he stared down at the sludge of ash and cinder lining the base of the moat.
All he could hear was the hoarse echo of Neji's voice against his ear.
Ghosting over and over in his mind…
"You killed me…before this could…"

A breeze through his hair...that's what it felt like...a delicate, dragging sensation...
But there was no wind.
Light played across Neji's eyelids, creating a dappled effect like a shimmer of distant sun above black water.
Water.
His throat felt raw, like it would tear and split if he tried to swallow…his muscles ached with a force that pulled nausea through his gut…grounding him back into his body…dragging him back towards awareness…blistering…shivering...awareness…
Fever…?
Poison. He could feel it, almost taste it coating his teeth. Chemical, bitter and burning through him in ribbons…veins on fire…lungs as heavy as lead in his chest…it was where the staccato bursts of pain struck like little razors…cutting…sharp…
Sharp…
Shikamaru's eyes came to mind…
Mind…
That mind was sharper than those eyes…both had united to cut Neji open…dissect him and…
Break me down…
Something burned inside him…it hurt worse than the pain…worse than the poison…because Shikamaru ran stronger than the chemicals in his veins…as treacherous and deceptive as smoke…smoke in his blood…
I'm going to…tear you out of me…Nara...
That soft comb through his hair returned, then a pull that would have had him frowning if he could have shaped an expression.
"Maki-chan! Don't do that."
"But…I'm just brushing it…he's my friend."
"He needs to sleep, okay? Go run along now."
The scrape of chair legs screeched like nails against a chalkboard in his head; a good comparison, given how black his world had become. Everything was dark and dusted with motes of reality and delirium drifting across the screen. Sound swelled against his temples, the pressure throbbing and building.
A hand smoothed his hair back. "Maki-chan is quite taken with you. She really likes your eyes, bless her."
He knew that voice…a fuzzy image conjured in his head…clothed in white…frail looking…the feminine tones pitched like lilting birdsong…the vet…he remembered her voice…the name slipped in and out of his consciousness…
Isuka…?
The sensation of something cool dabbed across his brow…
Wake up…
Neji's eyelashes flickered against his cheekbones but his eyes wouldn't open.
He couldn't frame words, but he felt the gentle tap of water slipping between his chapped lips, cool and clear and sliding in thin rivulets down his throat. A welcome distraction as the pain pulsed, waves of nausea ploughing him back towards the black.
No…get up…
His fingers flexed weakly and a sharp beep sounded to his left.
Like a measured heartbeat…
Is it even beating…? Am I…?
"You've got an amazing constitution," the voice nattered softly above him, fading in and out as if a volume dial was turning in his head. "I've never seen anything like it. I wish I was strong, but my talent isn't in my body. I've got weak bones."
Weak…?
The word filtered through the thick fog in his head, permeating with a sense of utter disgust at his incapacitation.
Move…God just…get up and…move…
No command would compute, in fact, his consciousness struggled to even complete the instruction, deliriously mixing memories in his head…a psychedelic swirl as distorted as his dreams…
Move…
"It's your move…"
Move. A game…a lie…lies…
Shikamaru.
Get out…of my blood…get out…of my head…
The heart monitor beside the rickety medical bed beeped loudly, an erratic shift that caused the stroke against his hair to stop. He heard footsteps, the rustle of movement and a gentle pat to his forearm.
"I know, it must be horrible. It's okay, Hyūga. It will pass. I promise."
Neji felt her pat his arm again…then a different sensation followed it, further away, on the edge of his awareness…almost like a chakra signature…flaring and fading…
Am I hallucinating?
He tried to move. And couldn't. The beep to his left piqued and sped a little.
"Hush. You're as restless as our birds," Isuka murmured warmly. "But don't worry. Your friends will be bac—!"
Her voice cut off in a choked gasp and something smashed on the floor.
The sound struck Neji's mind like the clash of symbols, reverberating through him.
Birds screamed in their cages, rattling steel, upturning feeding trays.
A wet spray struck his fevered skin.
It was warm. Too warm.
No… GET UP!
The surface he lay on rocked under the weight of something collapsing against it, rolling it across a little way before the chord binding his arm to the drip pulled taut. The needle slid out. He didn't even feel it. The sensation of spinning didn't stop and his brain reeled, fighting to cope with the influx of nausea and distorted gravity.
He could no longer hear Isuka…just the shrill beep to his left and the panic of birds.
He struggled to stretch his senses, to search for the sound of her breathing.
Nothing.
Just the scrape of talons and thrash of wings.
But even through the addled mess of his perception…he knew he wasn't alone.
The tension drew his nerves into brittle strands, vibrating with a powerless anger as paralysis and pain held him captive, leaving him without any comprehension of what the hell had just happened.
Until something touched his wrist.
It trailed up his forearm in a gentle scrape, tickling his skin, brushing along the crook of his arm and following the strong curve of his bicep, scaling higher to skim his across his collar bone…then down along the hurting slabs of his chest, to the delineated plates of muscle that corrugated his stomach…
"Oh Hyūga," a deeper, feminine voice crooned in his ear. "What has that boy done to you?"
The fever suddenly felt cold on his skin.

"Oi Shikamaru, didn't think we'd be back here again, huh?"
"It was so empty the last time," Sakura said, shaking her head. "Look at it now."
The hum that filled the great hall was like a buzz of static against Shikamaru's skin. It seemed more a hive, rather than a hall, the activity and anticipation picking up as Hanegakure shinobi and clan elders filed in. The hushed anxiety had begun to slide in favour of mounting anticipation and curiosity. Faces that had held stern and suspicious expressions had softened or become animated.
"Flock mentality," Hibari chuckled, glancing at Shikamaru.
Shikamaru said nothing – he just scanned the crowd.
"As long as it doesn't go all mob mentality," Kiba muttered, crouched down with an arm slung around Akamaru.
"Won't happen," Hibari assured.
Shikamaru wanted to take this word for it, but his brain continued to predict any potential disaster and the ways to counter it. He stood with Hibari and the rest of the Konoha Team on a dais to one side of the hall. It gave them some vantage point before they'd have to step down and join the elders at the stone table. The same one they'd sat around when they'd held council with Ozuku days before.
The Nara's eyes strayed further along.
Across from the table, the great hall continued to fill with the relevant figureheads and clan representatives – it would be more of an open council, allowing citizens to take the floor and express their views. Shikamaru had seen Hibari do this with his rebels. The Nara had been impressed with the coordinated discipline of the rebels, but not entirely surprised by it. They obeyed Hibari unquestioningly, out of respect and devotion with no hint of fear or obligation.
Not like with Ozuku or Fukurō.
Hibari encouraged questions and welcomed suggestions, coming to collective verdicts with his trusted shinobi. But once the weighed decisions were voiced and the judgment carried, his final word was law. Discussion over; discipline and order maintained.
He'd make a good leader, if the people would accept him.
His clan name was heavily tainted – it would take time to be free of the stain.
"Giving the villagers their voices back…" Sakura was saying, her voice carrying across. "It's a good start."
Hibari hummed. "Not too reckless either. Does it win me any favours?"
"No." Sakura folded her arms, but Shikamaru knew she was smiling.
Never saw that coming…like so much else…
The Nara continued to scan the hall, searching for any ripples of aggression. There didn't seem to be any. The sudden smack of Akamaru's tail against his leg drew his focus down. The dog had his head cocked up, floppy ears arched and tongue lolling as he gazed at the shadow-nin with a troublesome intensity.
Shikamaru sighed, a dark brow rising in a weak imitation of its normal arch.
Akamaru whined and batted his leg with his tail again, back and forth like a friendly pat – the canine equivalent of one at a least. The odd, knowing comfort in the gesture caused Shikamaru's jaw to tighten, the rock of emotion rising up his throat again.
Fuck…I can't do this shit right now…
He resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut.
"Hey!" Kiba barked, pointing towards the dome of the hall. "No way! It's Naruto's lovebirds!"
Naruto moved so fast it was like a strobe flash of yellow, orange and black all at once. He dived behind Chōji, hands already waving through his hair in case he'd been dive-bombed unawares.
"Hide me!"
"You total wimp," Kiba laughed. "They're only after 'the one who got away'."
Shikamaru flicked his gaze upward, trailing the flock of small orange birds zipping around the timbers higher up. He focused on this distraction until his gaze alightened on a flex of powerful wings. Hibari's eagle sat in the rafters, gazing down at them.
"Lovebirds?" Hibari echoed, his brow knitting in confusion. "Those aren't—"
"Don't even bother, Hibari," Sakura sighed.
"They're Naruto's lovebirds." Kiba waggled his eyebrows. "Naruto's the one that got away."
"Shut up!" Naruto's fist ducked under Chōji's arm, shaking wildly.
Hibari smirked. "Those birds are good luck. You should take one with you back to Konoha."
"Hell no!" Naruto yelled.
"Hell yes." Kiba was on his feet in an instant, hand held out like a mechanic asking for a tool as he flexed his fingers. "Hinata, get me a net. Or some of Naruto's blood or whatever. You can bite him."
"What the hell, Kiba!"
"Kiba-kun!" Hinata said firmly, as close to admonishing him as she could get while blushing.
Shikamaru didn't react and simply stared at Akamaru's tail as it swished softly against his leg. "Hibari, are we waiting on Isuka here?"
"Well, a couple more elders. I'd appreciate if she was here though."
"She said she'd call me in to replace her," Sakura said, looking across as she tapped the mic she was still wearing. "I'll check in with Neji too."
Shikamaru took her meaning and nodded. "Yeah."
It went against every grain inside him not to have Sakura or Hinata with Neji. But it was imperative that the Konoha Team showed their faces. At this point, the trust was so damned tentative even the slightest suspicion of unaccounted for allies might provoke a knee-jerk reaction from suspicious elders. It was hard enough explaining Neji's absence.
Isuka better hurry up…
"So how's your Hyūga doing?" Hibari asked gravely, his eyes on the crowd. "Will he be alright?"
The answer to that should have been automatic, but Shikamaru found his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth.
"He'll be fine but he needs to rest," Sakura said, coming to Shikamaru's rescue before he could exhaustedly force an answer. "Chakra expenditure. His ninjutsu requires a lot of it."
Hibari hummed, grey eyes narrowing in consideration. "Yeah? I never saw him using any ninjutsu when we were fighting. Not even the Byakugan."
Fuck.
Shikamaru recovered fast, his lazy tones rolling out unaffectedly. "Guess he saved it for Ozuku."
"Saved it? That doesn't seem odd to you?"
The Nara shrugged. "I'm not a Hyūga."
Hibari left it at that and Shikamaru couldn't help but feel that the Tsubasa sensed a raw nerve beneath the surface. Or perhaps he was just being paranoid; which might have been cruelly ironic given how many times he'd accused Neji of being mistrustful of others.
And now you've given him every reason to be…
Crueller still, was the fact that he could have stopped it. That he could have lessened the impact of his actions. That he could have walked away from the territory he'd lost himself on and in. Better to have kept distance and have lost nothing he couldn't suffer himself to walk away from at the start; detached and unaffected.
It doesn't matter…you can't lose what you never found…
Perhaps that was the cruellest lie of all.
And for all his intelligence, he knew he couldn't fool himself.

"You may have fooled them, Hyūga…but I could see it in your eyes."
All Neji could see was black.
His other senses weren't doing much better, though Kitori's voice was stabbing through, like honey-coated thorns, the sticky sweetness of her tones disguising the deluded bitterness he could detect.
I need to move…
But nothing would respond. That incorporeal feeling, like he was experiencing the pain outside of his body as well as inside of it, continued to disorient and confuse the signals firing off in his head; he wasn't even capable of commanding them.
Move.
The sluggish pull of his breaths laboured a little more as he struggled to impose his will over his weakened state.
MOVE!
The heart monitor beeped out his efforts.
"Sssh," Kitori's breath played across his brow and that soft scrape he now knew to be her fingernails traced out his ribs, raising higher to drag through his hair. "I'm good at fooling people too. We're two of a kind, you and I."
I am nothing like you…
He fought again to open his eyes, but only his lashes flickered in response.
He heard Kitori move, noting that her pace halted and a single step fell heavier, as if she'd stepped over something.
Isuka…
Anger and guilt crawled under Neji's skin more potently than the heat from his fever. How the hell had Kitori gotten loose? Hadn't she been locked up? Had she fought? Who else had she harmed? The questions rolled around his head like sharp rocks, heavy and scraping against his skull.
"Foolish of them, really. I'm very good at escaping from cages…ever since I was a little girl…" Kitori trailed off, her fingertips skimming Neji's jaw. "This bird is not without her wiles. I grew wiser than they knew."
Wiser…
Unbidden, one more memory dislodged from his consciousness, the voice of Shiranui Genma swirling around with the rest of the debris in his head.
"When captured birds grow wiser, they try to open the cage with their beaks. They don't give up, because they want to fly again."
Neji's fingers twitched.
God, maybe it was all a sick hallucination.
But then hands cupped his face and the cool pads of Kitori's thumbs caressed his cheekbones, following the proud ridges. "Did he bring you peace? I saw how you touched him. Like this."
Her fingers traced out a path similar to the sweep his fingers had taken across the sharp angles of Shikamaru's face.
How would she know that…?
"I saw how he told you to stop." She paused with her fingertips at his temples. "And you did. It was hypnotic, the way you looked at him. The way he wouldn't look at you."
Neji's mind struggled to follow the words and link them back to a time and place that wasn't likely to be a fantasy in Kitori's head. But what she was describing seemed too familiar…her touch too intimately directed and precise…
"And do you know what you did next?"
He instinctively knew.
The puff of her breath fluttered against his lips. "You didn't want to stop, did you?"
Inside, he recoiled with disgust at the bold caress of this woman's mouth above his. Just the fact that she could get this close to him was enough to provoke a violent urge to make her regret it. But it was one thing to feel the urge, another thing entirely to be able to make good on the threat.
FUCK. MOVE!
He couldn't. He could only suffer the nauseating sensation of her tongue snaking out slowly, tracing along his bottom lip until her teeth bit down just shy of drawing his blood. Then she drew back, cupping his jaw as she set her face so close to his that he could feel the dangerous tremble in her voice.
"He chased you," she whispered bitterly. "Why did no one chase me? Why did no one come for me? They left me in that cage. Branded me, ensured that I birthed two beautiful babies. I tried to save them."
Save them?
Inside, some of Neji's anger tamed, banking to a simmer as he tried to make sense of the words pressing against his eardrums with the added pressure of blood roaring in his head.
"But you saved my Toki, didn't you? You showed mercy. You saved her."
Saved her?
He'd killed her. Cut her down. Under the illusion that she was a threat when in reality she had been a terrified, pregnant girl – no more than a child herself – hiding behind courage that might have crumbled long enough for him to realise the truth if he'd given her the chance.
Some of the fight left him then, the rage giving way to a horrible confusion and regret.
"I tried to get my Hibari to see," she whispered, her fingertips smoothing over Neji's face like a child might touch a treasured doll, the keeper of her secrets.
I don't want your secrets…I don't want your pain…
It was too close to his own…if he cut away the circumstances and tore away the contexts… the pain was the same…raw…bitter…strong enough to attack other people's hearts if only to protect what was left of his own…
Not that he'd managed to do it.
He forcibly tried to banish the image of those burning mahogany eyes, deepening to obsidian.
"I tried to tell him when he was a child," Kitori went on. "Tell him that I've seen things…up there in the sky, soaring like a bird. There's no restriction, no pain, no chains holding us down. There's just the wind."
Something wet hit Neji's cheek.
He belatedly realised it was Kitori's tears.
"Only the wind has chased me, Hyūga. No one else ever did." Her fingertips dragged the tears along the hollows of his cheeks, as if painting her grief onto him. "But I will give you the mercy you couldn't give me. Because I understand what freedom is…I understand that only one thing brings people like us that kind of peace. Do you know what that is?"
For a treacherous second, the image of Shikamaru's face flashed in Neji's mind – a haunting snapshot that his anger would have torn down the middle if the pain hadn't ripped him up first.
Something else touched his skin then - angled against the slant of his cheek.
Cold steel.
Kitori's lips touched his ear. "Death."

This is taking too long…
The nerves at the base of Shikamaru's nape tightened and tingled. He reached a hand back, rubbing at the tension, his eyes scanning the crowd. His temples felt as tight as the skin stretched across a drum; his brain had no trouble supplying one thought after another to beat his head into a pulp.
Shit…I can't think like this…
Under the excuse of catching some air and clearing his head before the last elders arrived, Shikamaru slipped out a backdoor, stepping onto a large veranda. It was decked with tables and chairs for open dining in the summer; an upper tier that overlooked the village.
Shikamaru strolled to the balcony and set his palms on the railing, gripping hard as he bowed his head and pulled a cool breath through his nose, holding it deep as he stared at the back of his bandaged hand.
Get it together. You've got a role to play. Do it. Quit whining like a kid.
A soft giggle drew his gaze across.
Shikamaru raised his head a little, his shoulder blades shifting beneath his flak jacket as he straightened up. A blonde kid, crouched by one of the tables, waved at him. The shadow-nin stared at her quietly, then tipped his head in acknowledgement. He didn't mean for it to be an invitation, but the girl sprung up all the same and tottered over.
"You're tricky!" she announced, stabbing a finger up at him.
Tricky?
Shikamaru cringed inside. He felt awkward around kids at the best of times.
Troublesome…this is the last thing I need right now…
The green-eyed girl paused with her hands on her hips, looking up at him with a sincerely unimpressed expression that had him slouching away from her. He didn't want to be on the receiving end of a kid's tantrum – especially one that looked as troublesome as this one. He slid his gaze away, hoping that the break in eye contact might translate his disinterest.
"You're clever tricky! Your friend said so!"
That got his attention.
He looked back at her, arching a brow. "My friend?"
"The sad one. He has angel eyes."
Shikamaru stared at her, his lips parting as the breath died in his throat, forcing him to swallow hard. "What?"
"He said you were looking after him." The girl cocked her head, blonde ringlets tumbling as she twisted her mouth into a small knot, clearly suspicious. "But now she's looking after him," the child whined, drawing out the 'she' for all it was worth. "I don't like her!"
Shikamaru frowned, looking away as he rubbed at his brow. "Isuka-san is a good lady."
"Nuh-uh, not Isuka-san, silly! Isuka-san is sleeping."
Shikamaru went completely still. "What?"
"Yup!" the little girl nodded. "On the floor. It's dirty on the floor. But the braid lady is looking after your friend. I don't like her though. She's got scary eyes."
For a heart-stopping moment, Shikamaru just stared.
Then he ran.
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Break to Breathe