Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Drowning	By : ikonforlife Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kakashi/Iruka Views: 1249 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
"Damn, I actually first saw you when you were a toddler!" He giggles excitedly by himself and smiles endlessly while immersing himself through the memories.
And his eyes eventually grow heavy, drowsy as ever, then, he finally closes his eyes, drowning in his own memories, drifting away.
His head ends up leaning against Iruka's shoulder.
A few droplets of tears run down from Kakashi's eyes, then... And...

From Iruka's eyes as well.

Tsunade eyes Kakashi's slouched posture on the couch in front of her. It really has been awhile since she saw him sporting that lazy vibe, well, at least ever since he is appointed as the sixth hokage, she has never seen him like this.
But, this is not Kakashi being lazy.
He is actually dejected.
"Looking at you, I can tell Iruka's condition is still the same," Tsunade says, expecting the male hokage in front of her to frown or something.
But, Kakashi faintly smiles. "I just... Think... You might be right, after all. About him not wanting to wake up at all."
She sighs heavily. Kakashi is not just dejected. He is outright giving up on any hope of Iruka waking up!
This should be the right thing, that Kakashi finally accepts Iruka's hopeless comatose state, but for some reasons, Tsunade doesn't want him to be like this.
The both of them are supposed to be meeting here, in the hokage residence, in order for Tsunade to check on Iruka's current condition. However, Kakashi insisted to serve some warm tea for her, before anything.
Apparently, he wanted to talk to her, about Iruka.
"So... Have you... Given up on him?" Tsunade asks, her gaze sharp.
"I'm not exactly giving up on him. I'm just... If letting him go, is the only way for him to be happy, be it then."
Tsunade snorts, in a mix of disbelief and sad. "Wow, you are really serious now."
Right then, Yamato appears from the kitchen with a tray of a jug of tea and cups. Of course, when Kakashi said he would like to serve her some tea first, it was Yamato who has to do it. The poor Anbu serves the tea for the two hokages before proceeding to stand behind Kakashi accordingly.
"Thanks, Yamato," Tsunade smiles warmly at him, "Come on, have a seat with us."
Kakashi nods to him as approval. Yamato bows politely to the two before taking the seat beside Kakashi.
"By the way, I'm not here to judge or disappoint you or something. But, if you ever need encouragement, I think I should tell you that Iruka... Is still not considered as brain-dead," she looks at Kakashi pointedly with smile, "You... Don't really have to give up on him, yet."
Kakashi's dark eyes brighten a bit at her words, though not much can say anything about Iruka's doll-like condition.
"Thank you, Tsunade," he looks at her with a little bit of hopeful gaze, "I appreciate it."
"Come to think of it, you should be thankful to Yamato's quick thinking that time," Tsunade turns her attention toward him this time, "I heard you are the one who told Kakashi about the waterfall."
Kakashi nods, "And he also saved Iruka from drowning right away," he pats Yamato's brown hair softly, "I really owe you big time, my precious kohai."
"I just did what I should do," Yamato bows lightly.
"You are too humble, Yamato," Tsunade says, "I must say, Kakashi is lucky to have you by his side. I'm glad he assigned you as his right hand Anbu. I can't truly believe anyone else more capable for the position."
Yamato looks up with astounded brown eyes, "T-Tsunade-sama..."
Kakashi smiles cheerfully for the first time since the meeting. "She's right. Though I'm feeling kinda guilty for reinstating you into Anbu."
"It's no big deal, Kakashi-sama," he answers after finally came to from the daze. He is so touched that Tsunade said all that. To be recognized and acknowledged by her and Kakashi that much. He is so... contented. "It's better than having to watch over Orochimaru all the time," he adds with a small smirk at the current hokage, which brought fine laughter from the two.
"Ah, right. I have been meaning to ask you this before, but never got the chance to," Kakashi looks at Yamato with such expectant gaze, "How did you know that Iruka would be at the waterfall at that time?"
Tsunade also points her attention toward the Anbu, "Yeah. I'm actually curious about that too. I know it's not just quick thinking there."
Yamato instantly feels the heavy stares from the two and looks down before finally uttering, "It's not actually my first time seeing him there."
Kakashi and Tsunade both widen their eyes at the unexpected revealation. And the both of them get even more shell-shocked when Yamato continues, "I always seem to find him there, contemplating at the edge of the waterfall. Multiple times."
"M-multiple...times, you said?" Tsunade repeats, as soon as she finally finds her own voice.
"Yes," is his single reply. His gaze still on the floor, unable to lift his head up at the memories of Iruka's lone struggle there, probably thinking hard or persuading himself over and over that everything is going to be fine, that, Yamato really has no idea about.
Kakashi feels himself shaking at the mere thought that Iruka actually tries or has the desire to actually kill himself, even before this. And like Yamato claimed, MULTIPLE TIMES! How... How could he not know about those multiple times? Sure, he always watches Iruka from the tree, he has seen Iruka cried by himself, but Iruka always recovers again afterward. So, there is no way- How did he not know that Iruka always go to the waterfall instead?
"I actually managed to stop him from jumping into the waterfall once," Yamato discloses the fact that he keeps as a secret from anyone, as per Iruka's quiet request, "But I was wearing Anbu attire at the time, so he surely didn't know it was me."
"W-when..?" Kakashi's hoarse voice asks.
"Around the time Tsunade-sama come back to Konoha as Godaime," he reveals, "I think it was the day that I went to visit you in the hospital. Tsunade-sama healed you from Itachi's genjutsu, remember?"
Kakashi can feel his throat constricted as he remembers vividly what happened at that time of the day. He was just healed by Tsunade and he found out some disturbing rumors regarding Iruka. People keep talking about how Itachi had stayed overnight at Iruka's house (after all the stunts that Itachi pulled at catching both Kakashi and Sasuke into a very hard genjutsu) and the fact that Iruka was brought into T&I for interrogation after that. And people were finding it suspicious that Iruka was being released on the same day, without being charged for anything. At that time, he was so angry that Iruka let Itachi in his home, OVERNIGHT, right after what he did to them! He was so so angry and disappointed and sad and broken. He really wondered what the hell did Itachi do with Iruka for a night? Surely, not that, right? But, what threw him off more was when he heard those people claimed that in order to escape the interrogation, Iruka seduced Ibiki- that stoic and big big Ibiki!
He still remembers Iruka's bright smile as he came to pay Kakashi a visit, but an asshole as he was, Kakashi confronted him about those rumors. And that bright smile turns pale, straight away. And how could Kakashi ever forget what he said to Iruka that same day. You are such a slut, you know that?
Kakashi can hardly feel his fingers trembling, he doesn't even realize that the cup he is holding from before falls from his hold already. He is too shook as the image of Iruka's teary eyes upon those words being muttered toward him, resurfaced after so long. He hurt Iruka, he caused Iruka to-
"Kakashi!"
The said man comes back from the trance like state he was in from Tsunade's worried yell. As he came to, Kakashi looks at the mess on the coffee table and his lips quiver, recalling back what Yamato just said a few minutes ago.
"Kakashi, are you okay?" Tsunade asks, her eyes scanning over him, "It seems like you were once again caught in Itachi's genjutsu," she means it as a joke, but finding no expected response from the Rokudaime, she bits her lower lip and asks again. "What's wrong?"
Kakashi takes a deep breath and tries to breathe more slowly. As he looks up again, he finds Yamato peering at him gravely.
"I'm really sorry for not letting any of you know about that. But, it seems Iruka really doesn't want anyone to know about that part of him. I wish I at least let someone else knows, then Iruka would probably get all the helps he needed."
"It's not your fault, Tenzou," Kakashi murmurs weakly. Then, silence follows right after. All three of them lost in their own thoughts, about a certain brunette lying lifelessly on the bed in Kakashi's bedroom.
Gathering his courage, Kakashi inquires, "Tell me, Tenzou. About all those time you found him at the waterfall. How and why, and what happened."
Tenzou sighs softly. He thinks hard before uttering, "To be honest, I don't know him at all. But, he was there when Uchiha massacre happened, right? So, I kinda remember him because of that," and he gestures over his nose to portray the signature horizontal scar over Iruka's nose. "Sandaime personally requested me to watch over him after the massacre. Sandaime said he was afraid that Iruka would be too heartbroken over the train of tragedies of losing people in his life. After all, Itachi put him in a genjutsu which showed him the moment of Shisui's death repeatedly. So, I followed him quietly after he was discharged from the hospital and found him going to the waterfall."
Tsunade swallows heavily. She doesn't think she can survive this. She doesn't think she can do this. How come she not know at all about Iruka's life? She thought she is pretty close with the teacher, but no... She really knows nothing about him. It seems Sandaime particularly didn't include that event in Iruka's file.
"But, he only stood there. And watch the rapid current of the water below. After that, he left. From my observation, every fortnight, he went there and repeated the same action. But, once he started taking care of Naruto, I found him not coming to the waterfall anymore. And Sandaime told me to stop watching over him after that."
Tsunade smiles sadly. It was Naruto who managed to indirectly cheer him up, after all.
"And I just kinda forgot about him. Then, Sandaime died. And Itachi came back, trying to kidnap Naruto. And there was news of Tsunade-sama's return to Konoha. I totally forgot about him, until that day, I was on my way home from a mission near the waterfall and decided to visit Kakashi-sama. I found him mindlessly trying to jump into the waterfall. Luckily, I managed to catch him with my Mokuton." I really can't ever forget how blank he looked at the time.
"Just like that time," Kakashi adds with voice fill with heaviness, "I said really mean things to him that time. And this time too." All my fault. Mine. He mostly broke because of my words.
Tenzou glances at Tsunade, quietly asking if he should continue or not after seeing how badly Kakashi perceives it. She subtly nods at him, giving him the approval.
"After that, I didn't see him there anymore. Well, at least, from what I have seen. And again, just like that, I kinda forgot about him. Until, you know..." Tenzou sighs, "I wish I remembered more quickly. If I did, we might be able to stop it."
Tsunade crosses her arms, trying to hide her sadness and misery, of not knowing about any of this. She feels so sick.
"Iruka once told me that I was his childhood friend, together with Shisui," Tenzou says again with a small laugh, remembering back the moment Iruka informed him that with that sunny smile and excited voice, "But I totally not remember any of it, since I lost my childhood memories after Orochimaru's experiment. But I guess, I gotta thank him for that. I saved Iruka twice with the result of his experiment, after all."
"You did well, Yamato," Tsunade says, in his effort to cheer him up and turns to the downhearted hokage, "And you, Kakashi, stop moping over things that happened already. Now, you just have to treat him better. Once he wakes up, that is."
"Thank you, Tenzou. I really can't thank you enough for everything you have done for Iruka," Kakashi smiles after a long hard thought. "I wish Iruka realizes that he has a lot of people by his side."
Tenzou nods lightly. And it turns silence again.
However, a very loud shriek from upstairs immediately breaks the deafening silence in the hokage residence. Both of the hokages widen their eyes in utter shock, both naturally stood in defensive stance. Tenzou already disappears to check on the noise.
"What the hell is that?" Tsunade asks while trying to sense any disturbance or weird chakras but she can only feel hers, Tenzou's and Kakashi's chakra there. Wait-
"Kakashi..." the Rokudaime nods understandingly at her, "I know. It's from my room. And Iruka's in there."
Then, Tenzou appears together with two Anbus by Kakashi's side.
"Report," Tsunade demands right away, noticing the slight tremble from the two Anbus and also Tenzou.
"Umino Iruka..." One of the Anbus with raven mask unexpectedly stutters, "He- Iruka is-"
Without waiting anymore, Kakashi disappears in a swirl of leaves.
"What the heck happened?" She asks impatiently, ignoring the more impatient Kakashi who just left.
"Iruka Sensei is... Awake." Tenzou tells her. And Tsunade also disappears from the living room.

Kakashi stares in disbelief at the sight in front of him. He is just standing rooted to the floor, with unblinking eyes. His mouth losing for any words.
There, Iruka standing right in front of him beside the bed, with questioning gaze toward Kakashi. He looks at himself once and then, he turns to look at Kakashi again, before asking in a strained voice, "W-who... Are you?"
And Kakashi finally loses his footing, stumbles weakly onto the floor, breathing heavily as if he just ran over a mile. Tsunade arrives then and crouches down to Kakashi, "Are you okay?"
Kakashi nods quickly, still panting, his eyes fixated on Iruka's dumbfounded look.
"Iruka... It seems... He lost his memory," he murmurs weakly.
"Memory loss?" Tsunade repeats back his words and focuses her entire attention toward Iruka and stands to walk toward Iruka.
However, the latter staggers backward in fear, "W-wait! Don't come here!"
Tsunade stops, "Why?"
Iruka looks around him frantically, "I don't know any of you! Even those two mask people before! I even have no idea where I am! This place is not my house, too big! And it's definitely not a hospital or something–"
Suddenly, Kakashi is standing right in front of Iruka, by the bed.
"This is my home," he answers softly, "And you are on my bed now."
Iruka widens his eyes in shock. "Why– why would I be here?" He looks up at Kakashi timidly before scrutinizing his own body. And that's when realization caught him, "Wait, the thing is, I don't understand why my body is– Too big! I'm supposed to be 10! But I am so tall!"
Kakashi's eyebrows furrow confusedly. He glances at the fifth hokage.
"Is it what I think it is?"
Tsunade nods to the question, "I think so."
Kakashi stares at Iruka who looks so frightened and anxious at the sight of two intimidating presences in front of him. He notices the younger's fear of them.
He smiles. "Iruka, it's fine. Don't be scared," Kakashi slowly crouches down to reach Iruka's head. He ruffles the messy brown hair softly, "We will take you to the hospital. And," he glances at Tsunade's direction, "This lady here will examine you. And we will find out then, what exactly happened to you."
Iruka looks into Kakashi's eyes bravely, "Why should I trust you? How do I know you are not a kidnapper or something?"
Kakashi can't help letting out a smile at Iruka's challenged gaze toward him.
"If I kidnap you, would you be able to sleep in a cozy bed like this?" Kakashi gestures his eyes toward the crumpled comforter on the gigantic bed, where Iruka lied on just awhile ago.
"That makes sense," he nods as if agreeing with the other, before he gasps and points his fingers to Kakashi, "I shouldn't be talking with you! You are a stranger!"
Tsunade snorts and that grabs Iruka's attention to her. "You too!" His eyes turn to another person there, whom he never noticed before.
He wore face protecter and has almond shaped eyes with brown hair.
Iruka furrows his eyebrows at Yamato, "Who are you?"
Tenzou smiles and puts on a frown, "I'm hurt, Iruka. You used to always claim me as your childhood friend, but you don't seem to recognize me now."
"Iruka, you shouldn't talk to strangers," Kakashi teases him.
"Yeah, I shouldn't talk to you! Wait, I'm not responding to you!" He drifts his gaze to Yamato, "You! I think I remember now. Tenzou! Your name is Tenzou, right?"
The said man nods warmly.
"Then, I can talk with you," Iruka flashes his bright smile. "But, Tenzou, you used to have long hair. And back then, you just disappeared out of nowhere! So, it must be awhile since I last saw you. That's why I didn't recognize you just now. Please don't be upset over this!"
Yamato glances at Kakashi who is very much in awe with the pleading eyes Iruka gave to Yamato there.
"I'm not upset, Iruka," he replies.
"I'm glad," he smiles happily but it fades away slowly, "I'm very confused, Tenzou. The last thing I remember is my parents telling me to sleep. But then, here I am, waking up here. I almost thought I got kidnapped or something, but then, I looked at that mirror and found my body like this. This is so weird. I bet Shisui will laugh at me for two weeks if he knows–"
"Shisui... Would never find out," Kakashi blurts out, stopping Iruka's blabbering.
Tsunade clears her throat awkwardly after being quiet for awhile, "Enough, brat."
She turns to Iruka, "Iruka, I will have to bring you to the hospital to check on you. It is very likely that you lost your memories. Like you said, you thought you were 10 years old. But, you were supposed to be almost 30 now–"
"Thirty?!"
Tsunade beams. She is shocked at his sudden outburst, but it is totally understandable.
"Yes, you lost your memories worth about twenty years, which is very long. So, you might not know most of the people here, since... I assume most people that you know from childhood... Were no more here now..."
At that remark, Iruka blinks. "What...do you mean?"
Kakashi softly holds Iruka's hand, "Your parents... Died not long after you entered the academy."
Iruka shakes his head, "No..."
Kakashi pulls Iruka into a comforting hug, as best as he could.
"I'm sorry," he utters apologetically, over and over while rubbing Iruka's back soothingly.
"T-then, what about Shisui?" He asks, once again presenting his pleading eyes, "Itachi-kun? Mizuki? Are they still alive now?"
Kakashi shakes his head slowly, expecting a teary eyed Iruka. However, the other only looks down sadly, with a small I see.
"Come on. Let's get you to the hospital!" Tsunade exclaims excitedly.
Kakashi's lips keep curving upward now. He is so so happy. Beyond relieved. And thankful to God.
"Freaking finally," he murmurs as he hugs Iruka again, "I'm so glad you are finally awake."
But Iruka still doesn't understand why is this Kakashi looks so happy to see him. But he will just play along, for now.
Though it quite hurts, to find out that people close to you already died.
Oh, he still has Tenzou!
He smiles at the man. Feeling pleased that he at least find one person that he knows from the limited memory of his.

"How are you feeling, Iruka?" Kakashi asks as he takes the seat beside the bed in the hospital. It has been a few days that Iruka stays in the hospital for a thorough checkup from Tsunade and her professional team, but they found nothing harmful in his system, no weird or unfamiliar chakra whatsoever.
Iruka shrugs, "I'm fine."
"You will be able to discharge this evening, since your condition screams fine and healthy."
Iruka nods understandingly and looks at Kakashi with curious eyes. The older notices it, so he smiles, "What is it, Iruka?"
Iruka looks away, suddenly flushing madly, "N-nothing!"
"Why?" Kakashi asks again with more teasing tone.
"I told you I don't talk with strangers!" He crosses his arms while still looking away. He really hates that he keeps blushing out of nowhere now whenever he sees Kakashi.
Kakashi chuckles deeply. "It's very cute that your body is 30, but you still talking like you are 5."
Iruka glares at him, "Shut up."
Kakashi chuckles again, enjoying how this is going, so far. Iruka is back. He is really back. For some reasons, he wishes Iruka will not remember anything from the past. Sure, there are some nice and precious memories between him and Iruka, but there are much more terrible memories between them. He hopes he will be able to use this chance to right the wrongs, to treat Iruka better, no, the best ever that he can. Yes, he will never hurt him again.
"You do look familiar, though," Iruka murmurs, his arm suddenly lifts to the mask Kakashi is wearing which covers half of his face, "I think I can remember someone in a mask like you. But it is pretty hazy, sadly."
Kakashi puts on a smile at that recognition. "So you do remember."
"I'm trying," Iruka flashes a smile at him, "But I can see flashes of red camellias whenever I see you."
And that definitely gets Kakashi to burst out in a fit of mild laughter as one particular event struck in his mind; one that little Iruka clumsily tripped before the beautiful flowers scattering everywhere, around little Kakashi. Meanwhile, Iruka confusedly peers at him, upset that Kakashi laughs over that. He is really saying the truth, though. What's with the red camellia, though?
"I'm sorry," Kakashi apologizes sincerely, "I just remembered the stunt you and Shisui pulled back then. You guys tried to summon red camellias from a scroll using Summoning Technique," he stops to wait for Iruka's reaction, quietly hoping the younger will be able to remember it.
As realization sinks in, Iruka feels a red tint forming on his cheeks again. Kakashi takes it that he finally remembers. "Recall something?"
Iruka smiles sheepishly, "Yeah. I finally remember it. It's actually Shisui's idea to steal the red camellias from Aunt Mikoto's garden-" noticing Kakashi's small snort, Iruka only then realizes that he just told Kakashi that they STOLE the flowers! He slaps his mouth with a grunt, "Darn it, I shouldn't have told you that."
"Does that mean, the flowers that I kept for so long are actually stolen ones?"
"No worries, I already let Aunt Mikoto know about it," Iruka supplies with a wink, "And she didn't even get mad about it, I swear!"
Kakashi is only relieved that Iruka doesn't question about any of the other Uchihas' whereabouts. He knows Iruka is very close with most of them, thanks to Shisui and Iruka's mother who used to be in the same genin team with Uchiha Fugaku.
Iruka really shouldn't find out about the whole Uchiha massacre. Or he will be very devastated. And Kakashi doesn't want to even imagine Iruka reliving the event. No. Never.
Even if he is to discover about it from the history book or something, Kakashi hopes the details about his involvement will not be disclosed to him. Please.
What matters the most right now... Iruka is happy. With no memories about any of his horrible future.
Kakashi only wants Iruka to remain innocent like this.

"This is my apartment?" Iruka asks, his eyes examining every inch of the space in there, but he remembers nothing, as expected. Surely, his house must have been destroyed from the kyuubi attack, as told by Kakashi before. The older reluctantly lets him know that both of his parents died from the tragedy. They died protecting him and Konoha, their home.
"Yes, you live here ever since you become a chuunin," Kakashi says, leaning against the wall while Iruka is busy checking out his own apartment.
"Do you...perhaps, remember anything?" The hokage asks, in a whisper.
Iruka shakes his head with a heavy sigh, "Nothing. Nothing at all."
"It's fine. Take your time." Kakashi really wants Iruka to continue staying with him, but it is just his selfish desire.
It is only appropriate that Iruka returns to his own apartment, since he is not hurt at all. He can definitely live by himself. There is no reason for Iruka to live in the hokage residence with him anymore.
But, on a positive note, Kakashi hopes Iruka might be able to remember something from this place. He spends his time here more than everything, so this should remind him of one or two things, right?
Kakashi enters the kitchen to prepare a cup of warm tea for Iruka while the latter disappears into his bedroom.

Iruka smiles a little at the sight of a tidy and simple bedroom. Everything is organized neatly and clean.
I guess I did turn out a fine man in the end.
He unknowingly smiles fondly at the pictures on the nightstand and a few more pictures on the study table. Without waiting anymore, Iruka sits on the bed and grabs the picture beside the lamp on the nightstand. He recognizes one of the person in the picture as a much younger Kakashi in a green uniform, smiling quite awkwardly, with three...kids? below him. Two of them are boys with irritated expressions on their faces while the pink-haired girl in the middle happily smiling with a tint of blush on her cheeks. Now, why would I have this picture on my nightstand when I'm not even in here?
Still, Iruka finds it endearing to see Kakashi with kids like that. He puts back the picture on the table and picks another one. Well, this one has me in the picture.
He looked so so happy in the picture. Wearing a green uniform, like Kakashi's one, though Kakashi's seems to be in a darker shade of green from him. In the photo, his eyes already gone from sight, as he smiled too brightly there. It was a picture of him draping his arm over smaller Itachi who only lightly smiled, in contrast of his own big smile. Itachi wore a grey flak jacket over black clothing, just like the one Iruka's mother always worn, as far as he remembers. Behind them, Shisui in the same green uniform grinned with his index fingers spotted on each side of Iruka's and Itachi's head. Iruka chuckles, Did that Shisui freaking made devil horns gesture on us?
Iruka gasps as realization dawns on him that Itachi looks similar with one of the boys in the picture with Kakashi. He quickly snatches the picture again and compares the two. I'm right! These two must be brothers!
Iruka gasps again, Itachi did has a little brother that just bornt, right? But, I couldn't remember his name. Iruka giggles, proud with himself, this must be his little brother! The resemblance is uncanny!
He stops giggling as he puts them away and grabs ahold of the framed photo on his study table. It is a photo of him with his parents. Another photo has Kakashi and him together, with a cheeky blond hanging between them. Oddly for him, the kid has whiskers on his cheeks, like cats. Or foxes.
He wonders who the boy is.
Iruka suddenly laughs, That boy is the other boy in the one with Kakashi and the kidsss!
He can't help snorting at the picture. He looked so confused in the photo while Kakashi seemed annoyed for some reasons, of course unknown to him. But the blonde kid undoubtly looked so happy. And that totally warms Iruka's heart. Okay, enough about that.
He puts the photos back and beams at the cards pasted on the wall; mostly colourful cards from students and a few birthday cards from his...friends?
He reads all the names carefully, Anko, Genma, Asuma, Raido, Hayate, Yugao, Izumo, Kotetsu
But, he sadly knows none of them.
He opens the drawer and discovers more cards and an envelope...is it a letter?
Iruka hesitantly grabs all of the cards only to learn that all of the them are from.. Mizuki?
Why would he send me so many cards? I thought he's dead?
Iruka takes the seat on the chair and decides to start reading them one by one carefully. He yawns, mostly the cards are some simple wishes for Iruka's birthday and one of the cards is an invitation card for a... Wedding?
"Mizuki... And Tsubaki..?" Iruka tries again to storm his brain and find out if he knows this Tsubaki, but he really doesn't remember it. Too bad, I wonder if they even manage to get married before he died. Maybe I should ask Kakashi about this.
Iruka arranges the card back into the drawer before grabbing one and only letter there. The letter is kept in a blue envelope which has "For Konoha Strict Correctional Facility use only" neatly written on the bottom part of the envelope. With strange feeling surrounding his whole system, Iruka starts to open the envelope and takes out a letter, as expected. He unfolds the letter and inhales deeply before starting to read through it carefully.

To the most naïve guy I have ever known.
Umino Iruka.
If you read this letter, that means I must have already get executed to death by your dearest hokage. Meaning, I'm finally gone from this sick and twisted world. For real.
Iruka furrows his eyebrows. What does that mean? Kakashi doesn't tell him anything about how Mizuki died yet. But, execution? What did Mizuki do to receive such punishment from the hokage? Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't even know about who is the current hokage in the village. After all, Kakashi and Tsunade have never worn any Hokage robes in front of him, ever since
Brushing the thought aside, he continues his reading.
I'm sorry, Iruka. I know I kinda promised you that I will never leave you alone. But I keep breaking them, over and over. Well, you pretty much begged me before, to not leave you. But then, you probably didn't even mean it, since you were too occupied with the lost of Itachi. I know how important he was to you, after Shisui.
So, don't be angry too much with me, for breaking that promise again. I can't do anything to prevent your hokage from getting rid of me. He really hates me to the gut, I think? But yeah, who wouldn't hate me?
Only you.
The guard here told me that I can write a letter for my kin for the last time. I really don't know why. But the first person I thought of is you. I don't even think about Tsubaki. Which is so so wrong. She probably cries right now. But never mind that. I have written a lot for her before.
Yes, that probably why. I have never written to you, while I'm here, in the prison.
To be honest, there are a lot of things I wanna tell and talk with you. But every time I see your face when you visit me, I remember what I did to you, to Naruto. And I feel so embarrassed. Yeah, I know it's weird coming from someone like me. But, it's the truth.
I don't think I can ever face you.
In the same time, I also remember your face when you found out that I only used you for all the times we have spent together before. The look of misery, your tears. I thought if I ignore you during the visit, you would cry again. And that's why, I keep ignoring you.
Just for the sake of watching you cried.
I'm sorry, for being this sick. I really find pleasure in that, I'm not even lying, Iruka!
And that time when you tried to hold the tears while telling me about you comforting Naruto, Kakashi, Godaime and the others for Jiraiya's passing, I felt so mad that you didn't cry. That's why, I mentioned about Itachi's death, knowing it would trigger you. And you did cry, so hard at that! I even tried to manipulate you into asking if there's anyone that comforted you for Itachi's death instead. Well, it's true though. No one realized how you were in so much pain over his death, yet no one realized that. Only me! Only me knows!
But I guess, it was only because Itachi died around the time that Jiraiya-sama also died. So, probably people just forgot or not notice about it. After all, people remember Itachi as the missing nin. Not a hero like Jiraiya-sama.
I know that, but I just wanted to see you in tears, so I didn't say anything about it.

I was a jerk. A total bastard. I know that. But there is nothing that I can do now. I do wish to start anew with Tsubaki as my wife and you as the uncle to my future kids soon. However, that will never happen, I guess. I will be executed to death, after all.
Sends my regards to Tsubaki. Please let her know that I love her a lot, though I keep hurting her. I'm really sorry, to all of you.
Damn, this letter turns out to be too long. I guess that just shows how much I want to talk with you, but didn't.
Lastly.
Iruka, please be happy. And get married to someone.
But please not to my Tsubaki.
Well, I'm just kidding. I'm fine if you guys get married after my death. She shouldn't be alone for too long, anyway.
Oh. Maybe you should really get it on with your hokage. He looks so infatuated with you, to the point that he wants me to vanish from your life this much haha! I actually heard a lot about you and him while being stuck here in the prison. The guards love to gossip about you guys, you know! From the whole gossips that I heard though, I can easily conclude one thing.
If someone can make you happy (aside Shisui, of course), it must be him. When I saw him face to face before, I could really see that he truly cares about you. I know he actually tries so hard to find a reason why he shouldn't execute me, but in the end, he couldn't find even one. I just couldn't help showing my arrogant side to him. It is just my nature, after all, right, Iruka?
Okay, scratch that. Iruka, you really should be with him. It's a wonder that you guys still not hooked up, up until now. Even when he finally becomes a hokage. Is it too late? I hope not.
But I swear I will kill you in your sleep if the reason you didn't date him is because of Shisui!
The guy's damn DEAD! You shouldn't think that you would be betraying him if you date another person. He's dead. I doubt Shisui would be angry at you. Shisui's too kind for that, right?
In conclusion, I hope you will be happy. Since the only person who ever hated you will finally be gone. (Welp. Gone by the time you read this)
Bye.

I love you, Iruka. You are definitely the one and only friend that I ever truly feel happy to be around.

-Mizuki.

Iruka didn't even realize that the so-called tears Mizuki claimed to love the most, are flowing like a fountain down his cheeks. He didn't even realize the letter is now soaked with his own tears. He is panting very heavily now. His hands trembling and the letter falls from his hold, swaying lightly before landing on the floor.
Iruka lifts his hand to his heart and clutches it, like why is his own heart hurting so madly? He really doesn't understand it! What the hell is wrong with him???
He doesn't even notice Kakashi finally holding him together, hugging him softly while muttering helplessly, "Iruka, what's wrong??"
If only he can find the answer himself.
But he really doesn't know. So, he replies with a shake of his head relentlessly, with tears still dripping down all over his face, "I don't know, I really don't know! But it hurts!"
Kakashi sighs, while trying his best to provide some comfort for the other, "It's fine, Iruka... Calm down..."
"How can I calm down?" He slaps his own chest repeatedly as if to emphasize how hurt his heart is, "This hurts... A lot... Kakashi-san..."
The said man hugs him tighter, pulling Iruka into him as the younger soaked his clothed shoulder now. He doesn't mind at all. He rubs Iruka's shoulder soothingly, while unable to say anything.
When Iruka finally calms down, Kakashi asks, "Did you remember anything here?"
Still burying his face against Kakashi's shoulder, Iruka shakes his head.
After a few deafening minutes of silence, Iruka murmurs, "I can't remember anything. But..."
"But?"
Iruka hugs Kakashi's waist tighter without realizing it.
"I can feel a lot of emotions and feelings here."
Kakashi smiles a bit, "You are always full of emotion, Iruka."
"But, when I read the letter, I can only feel one thing."
"Hm?" Kakashi is confused. What letter is Iruka talking about?
"There is a letter from Mizuki," Iruka pulls away from Kakashi weakly, not even noticing the way Kakashi grunt from losing the contact.
He reaches for the abandoned letter on the floor and shows to Kakashi. He sits back on the bed while Kakashi sits more properly on the chair.
"You didn't tell me he died from execution," Iruka utters, his voice so small Kakashi almost cannot hear it. And again, he looks away from Kakashi.
"You didn't ask," Kakashi replies calmly before taking the letter, inspecting it carefully, in case it is fabricated or something.
Halfway through the letter, Kakashi knows he blushes furiously to know what Mizuki thought about him and Iruka. For sure, the hokage in the letter meant him!
Though, his heart sure hurts when Mizuki said about how Iruka has no one to be comforted about Itachi's death when he has been comforting everyone else for Jiraiya's death. Including him!
He really doesn't know much about Iruka. For all he claimed to love so much about Iruka, he really knows nothing about him.
"And what is the one feeling you had from this?" Kakashi asks, expecting the answer to be sad, jealous, angry–
"Guilty."
Kakashi jerks his eyebrows, "Guilty? Why, though?"
Iruka snaps, "I don't know, I told you!"
Kakashi gulps, "Sorry."
"I'm really angry with you, Kakashi-san! I told you so many times that I don't know. I don't remember! But you keep asking me if I remember–"
"Iruka, I said I'm sorry–"
"I really want to remember, you know! But this damn head doesn't let me! You hear it! It doesn't let me–" and Kakashi takes the cue to pull Iruka into his body again, keeping him trapped there, with all his might.
"Let me go!" Iruka yelps now. He is turning so frantic.
"Iruka, calm down. I'm sorry, okay," Kakashi says in a whisper, softly, so Iruka can register how badly he needs him to be calm now. This isn't going anywhere if Iruka keeps throwing tantrum like this, like a goddamn 5 years old kid.
Iruka takes a deep breath, regretting the way he is behaving like a child. Damn it, even when his parents were still there, he never behaved like this. Maybe he did, but that's not the point here.
The point here is, why does being in Kakashi's arms feel so consoling? Warm, soft and...loving?
Like he is meant to be there.
"Okay, time's up. We have to head for T&I now," Kakashi ruffles Iruka's brown hair softly, "We have to see Ino for your next checkup."

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-sama," the blonde haired girl bows apologetically at the hokage, "I found a seal that binds Iruka sensei's memories. But, the seal is too difficult and complicated. I... I can't break the seal. I'm sorry."
Kakashi smiles assuringly, "It's fine, Ino. It's not your fault. There's no need to apologize."
"If only my father was still here," she mumbles by herself and Kakashi quickly pats her shoulder, "You have done your very best, Ino. You are still young, so there is still a lot of time for you to learn until you can surpass your father."
Ino flashes a small smile and nods. She glances from the glass wall at her former sensei peacefully resting on the bed in the hospital.
"Anyway, I'm so glad Iruka Sensei finally awakes," she turns toward Kakashi, "Though it's too bad he lost his memories."
"It doesn't matter for me," Kakashi forces a smile at her, "As long as he is finally awake. That's all I wish for."
"I will try my best to find the solution for the seal," Ino sounds more confident this time and Kakashi couldn't be more proud of her for Inoichi. And Asuma as well.
"Thank you, Ino. But remember, we also have to find out who put on the seal onto Iruka's mind," Kakashi replies with a heavy sigh.
"I doubt it."
Both Kakashi and Ino turns to the source of voice.
"Tsunade-sama," Ino bows politely at her.
Tsunade gives a curt nod at her before walking toward them. She gives a short glance at Iruka in the other room and diverts her attention toward Kakashi particularly.
"What do you mean by that?" Kakashi asks sharply.
"It is very likely that Iruka himself puts the seal on his own mind."
Kakashi sighs, "It makes no sense."
"Kakashi, from what Ino showed me, it is a seal of high credibility. Iruka has high proficiency in seals–"
"No, that's not true–"
"Are you doubting his ability, Kakashi?" Tsunade crosses her arms, with challenging gaze now.
"That's not what I mean. Iruka... He is unconscious the whole time! How would he–"
"Then, what are you suggesting? Someone planted the seal into him while he's unconscious?"
Tsunade stares at Kakashi skeptically, before muttering, "If I have to guess, I would say it's you."
- 3
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