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Shadowplay and Hurricanes	By : CosmicStorm14 Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 2912 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Naruto, including any of the characters, locations or themes in this fiction. I receive no money for publishing this fiction.

Chapter List
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Choji and Shikamaru were sat on the rooftop, sharing some free time between training sessions together. They were often sent away on missions separately now, so tried to spend as much time together as possible when they were both in the Village. On this occasion, Shikamaru had just been dismissed from Tsunade's office after begging her forgiveness for ignoring her summons recently. At least, he had intended to beg. As soon as he made up some excuse about helping Temari settle into the village, the Hokage had just smiled to herself and accepted his apologies without any further questions. He had expected a punishment from her and receiving nothing but sympathy left him confused and unsatisfied.
Choji, however, was delivering quite an interrogation.
"I've been bursting to tell everyone, Shikamaru," Choji told him, opening up a bag of crisps. Secretly, Shikamaru had been dying to speak too but whether he wanted to brag, or rant, or cry, he didn't know.
"Not without her permission Choji. You know I can't betray her trust like that."
"I know," he resigned, "but nothing interesting has happened around here in so long."
"This isn't even interesting. She just popped in to say happy birthday," Temari was the most interesting thing that had ever happened to him, but that didn't mean it had to interesting for anyone else. It now seemed like it wasn't even important to her. "It won't happen again."
"You're a lucky guy, Shikamaru!" Crumbs fell from the shadow of stubble on his chin as he laughed. "Do you think she'd come see me for my birthday?"
Shikamaru's gut leapt. He'd never felt such a strong urge to punch his best friend in the face before. No. She would never give away her affections like that. She had only done it with him because they were already special to each other. Maybe he wouldn't be so filled with rage if he actually believed his own thoughts. He remained composed through his anger but his friend must have seen that he wasn't laughing.
"Hey, it was a joke. I just want to know what it's like, that's all."
"It's… good."
"It must have been pretty damn good if she kept you busy for days at a time."
"It's not like we were in bed the whole time." He used the term in bed loosely.
"What else did you do?"
"Nothing. Just sat around talking, sleeping, playing shogi."
"That sounds like a perfect first date for you!"
"It wasn't our fi-" Shikamaru stumbled over his words but Choji seemed to not to notice. "I mean it wasn't a date."
Maybe if it had been a real date things might have been different. Maybe if they'd taken it slowly and he'd just asked her out from the start instead of getting physical right away then it wouldn't have been so difficult. It had crossed his mind before they had first got together, but Temari was scary and he had been cowardly, hoping his feelings would pass. Even if he had been brave, where was he supposed to start? Somehow he thought Temari wouldn't enjoy being given flowers or chocolates like most girls were supposed to, and she would definitely never let him buy her dinner. You think I can't afford to pay for it myself? he could imagine her shouting.
"Well, whatever it was," Choji continued, "I hope you're going to give me all the details."
A part of him wanted to tell Choji everything. About how he first noticed her at the Chuunin exams, how she saved his ass against Kayuya and was there for him when he failed that mission. About how he wanted her there with him when Asuma died and didn't know why. About finally getting close to her in Tanigakure, then again at the Kage Summit ceremony. About how last week had felt like a dream, but he knew it had been real because all of his things still smelled of her. About how whenever she smiled at him, she shone so bright that the rest of the world just faded away into nothing.
He wanted to tell him about the argument they'd had when they last parted. Choji might not know an awful lot about women but he would be honest. Had Temari overreacted, or was he really treating her badly? Could she have been playing a game or testing him like he'd heard women often do, or are they really just no good for each other? Should he fight for her, or let it end so they would never have to hurt each other again?
He mumbled something about her shouting at him, trying not to give away too much. "I guess it was kind of a love/hate thing." Using the past tense was painful, but something he was going to have to get used to.
"Yeah right – you love her, she hates you!"
"Hey, she doesn't hate me…"
"But you do love her?"
"Shut up, Choji!" His best friend's teasing really had cheered him up somehow. He had never been very good at sharing his feelings with anyone - his father had warned him about how all of the Nara men were so emotionally constipated – but he did feel better for knowing Choji was a good friend, and that he could let him in if he felt the need to do so. With the first hint towards his troubles spoken from his mouth, it was as though they couldn't weigh so heavy on his mind. It would be easier from now on. He would get over Temari. It was just a matter of time. He just needed a little time to forget her, some time for her name to heal and disappear from his skin. He was a still a young man, and probably would have become infatuated with any woman who had let him see her naked. Temari wasn't special. She wasn't special…
* * *
"What's eating you, Shikamaru?" Days later, he was still trying to clear his head and had chosen to have lunch alone. He asked Ayame for his favourite ramen at Ichiraku, but stirred more of it round and round the bowl than he ate. He needed to get things straight in his head and he wasn't much good at anything else until his mind was clear.
"Ayame, has a guy ever bought you flowers?" Maybe it would be useful to get a woman's perspective. He had never spoken much with Ayame but she had always been kind to him.
She blushed a little, "just once."
"Did you think it was patronising? Like an insult, that he thought you weren't capable of buying flowers for yourself? Did it feel like he was trying to bribe you to be with him?"
"That's a strange question," she laughed at first but then did think it over as a serious question. "But no, not at all. It was flattering. I think that if you like someone, it's natural to want to do nice things for them."
He nodded his head slowly, staring into the bottom of his ramen. That was the reaction he'd been hoping for; the affirmation that he wasn't crazy for wanting to go about dating a girl the traditional way. How he and Temari had gone about it had made no sense and his feelings had been irrational, illogical. But to start out with a normal date and work up to a physical relationship? That was something that made sense. That was how it was supposed to be done. That was what he needed.
"Why do you ask such a thing, Shikamaru? Has some nice boy bought you flowers?"
He couldn't help but smile with her. Ayame was a nice girl. She would never fight over something stupid like laundry. He couldn't imagine her ever even raising her voice. "Ayame, are you doing anything tonight?"
"Well, I am supposed to be working until eight."
"Do you want to go and get food somewhere after your shift? Not ramen – I mean go for a real meal somewhere. With me."
She blushed again and looking him up and down where he sat, flashing him a playful little smile.
"You know what? I can probably get out of here at six. That'll give me time to do my hair."
* * *
He agreed to pick her up, and had decided to dress up for the occasion. His mother had ironed a black shirt for him and he had even found Ino to ask for her advice on flowers. He had opted for a single red rose, and by the time he arrived at Ayame's place and knocked on her door, he was exactly as nervous as he decided it was appropriate to be.
Her father answered the door first and immediately approved of Shikamaru seeing his daughter. He invited him into their home and Ayame joined them moments later. She had made an effort, too, with her chestnut hair put into loose curls and a knee-length green dress with yellow floral embroidery. He had never seen her out of her white Ichiraku uniform, and told her how beautiful she looked. She blushed and thanked him sweetly. He had never called Temari beautiful. She would probably have bitten his head off for considering that her physical appearance was more worthy of compliment than anything else about her, but not Ayame.
Winter was coming to the Hidden Leaf Village, so she put on a long coat and he took her out to a nice restaurant. Working for her father in the ramen shop didn't exactly pay well, and she made a point of thanking Shikamaru for his generosity in taking her out. She held onto his arm as they walked and he enjoyed her acting shy and graceful in all of the ways that Temari didn't. She let him pull out her chair for her to sit on and took his advice on what to eat and drink.
Conversation was easy and uneventful. He asked her all about what happened to her mother and told her some of his stories from his missions. She would gaze at him in awe with her big eyes when he told her of the dangers he had encountered and kept making comments about brave and strong he was. At first, it made him a little uncomfortable to be complimented like this – he didn't think of himself as brave or strong, and to let Ayame believe that he was felt like he was deceiving her. He thought of how no one had ever been impressed by him before. Everything he could do, Temari was sure she could do better. But now he was with someone who really did think highly of him. Surely, that should be a good thing? Still, he stayed modest and they enjoyed an evening of learning about each other through conversation, not through sex.
When they had finished their meal, he paid with a generous tip and walked her home the long way back so they could talk arm-in-arm for a while. The air was cold and she held herself close to him. When they finally arrived back at her house, they stopped to say goodbye at the door. It was customary to kiss a girl goodnight after a first date had gone well. He knew very well he wouldn't be following her inside and would be going back to his own empty bed that night. But that was OK. That was how it was supposed to be done.
He put his arms around her waist and she put hers over his shoulders. He could tell she was a little nervous, but brushed his nose against hers and they shared a soft kiss on the lips before she went inside he took himself home.
* * *
They waited two days to see each other again. This time they agreed to bring their own picnic and climb the Hokage monument. Some of the steps were steep and Shikamaru helped his date up the more difficult parts when she got tired. He wondered if the walk was too much for her – forgetting that the general villagers didn't have to be as physically fit as the shinobi – but she ensured him that the exercise was worth it for the view. The sat near the edge of the cliff face, above the huge carved faces of the five Hokage. There were buildings up here, and the walls of the tall Library Archive building sheltered them from the worst of the icy winds. But aside from some scholars working late in the warmth of the library, they were alone up there.
The lights from the village sprawled out below them and he pointed out some of the major landmarks of the village to her. They ate the small picnic that they had carried with them, feeding mouthfuls to each other, and when Ayame expressed how cold she was becoming, Shikamaru gave him her jacket. Temari would never have had accepted a jacket from him. She would have been too stubborn to tell him that she was suffering even if she was losing her extremities to frostbite. As he laid his jacket over her shoulders, she nestled up close to him and rested her head against his shoulder. She smelled different to Temari.
He told her how lovely it was to spend time like this with her and she turned her head to look up at him. He took her face in his hand and kissed her softly on the mouth. How far would she be expecting him to go on a second date? He stayed on her lips for a long time, trying to read her reactions, and considered it safe to put a hand on her waist to pull her closer to him. She was slimmer than Temari, and where Temari's skin sat above a heavy layer of muscle, Ayame's body was softer and more delicate. He felt strong against her in comparison, like he might break her if he wasn't careful.
He let his hand brush over her hips, not venturing under any of her clothing, and moved upwards to lightly squeeze against one of her breasts. She gave a little gasp and pulled his hand away with hers. He had found her boundaries. That was good. People were supposed to have boundaries. This was how relationships were supposed to go.
* * *
"Did you have a nice time with Ayame?" his mother asked him when he arrived home after walking his date back to her place first. He had.
It was already late so he decided to go to bed straight away and turned his light off. He undressed down to his smallclothes and climbed under his blankets. Almost by habit, his hand migrated beneath his underwear and he began to touch himself, thinking about Ayame's breasts, feeling himself get hard. Was this wrong? He knew plenty about being chivalrous while on a date but nothing about what it was appropriate to think about when he was alone. Surely there was no harm in it, and it wouldn't be considered disrespectful to think about her body. He would be happy enough for her to be thinking of him in this way right now. He brushed the flicker of shame to the back of his mind and carried on.
In his head, he put a hand under her top and felt her warm, soft skin against his hands. He thought about undressing her there on top of the monument, with the whole village below. With Temari below. Shut up. He thought about Ayame's body against his, about what her face might look like with his cock inside her. His hand continued to work under his blankets. He used his own saliva to lubricate his hand and thought about Ayame's mouth about his cock, her eyes looking up at him. What colour were her eyes, again? Brown? They'd be nicer in green. Shut up. Her face blurred into a horrible mess in his mind, so he thought about doing her from behind, hearing the sound of her ass slapping against his hips, listening to the moans she might make. He imagined looking down, watching himself enter her in this way. Who's name is that carved above your dick? Shut up!
His grip was tighter than usual, and it almost hurt. He just wanted to finish so he could sleep, but he couldn't. The angrier he got with himself, the more violent his hand became, until his arm was sore. He thought about grabbing Ayame's hair, pulling a handful of it tight to pull her head back as he thrust himself inside her. He thought about hurting her, and hated himself for it.
It didn't help.
Cold air hit his body as he threw his blankets aside and sat up on the edge of his bed. His erection still throbbed between his legs and he knew it wouldn't be satisfied by just his imagination. Should he? If thinking about Ayame's naked body beneath him might be wrong, then this was definitely wrong. But there was nothing else for it.
He flicked on his smallest lamp and fell to his knees on the floor of his room to open a low cupboard and took out one of his storage boxes. He rummaged fast through one of his storage boxes in the semi-darkness. He could barely see a thing and his hands were still clammy and clumsy as he discarded handfuls of objects from the box. At last he came across what he was looking for and turned to see it in full view underneath his lamp.
On his knees on the floor, he crouched over the image of Temari's dirtied breasts and put his sore hand around his numb erection again. The wet sound of his own hand pleasuring his cock was disgusting and every heavy breath through gritted teeth was a betrayal. He studied the image of the nipples that he had sucked on, the collar bones that he had bitten, the lips that he had kissed, and he came.
* * *
For their next date, Shikamaru had invited Ayame round to his house. He met her at the edge of the village and walked with her up the path to the Nara Clan household, through the gardens. She expressed an interest in seeing the deer in the forests around his home and he offered to show her one day.
His parents had kindly gone to have dinner with other members of the clan so that their son could have some privacy, and he made the two of them a round of tea to drink. He had seated her in their living room while he went to the kitchens to boil a kettle and thought of whose lips had last touched these tea cups. Shut up.
It was the first time she had been to his house so once they had finished their tea, he gave her a quick tour. He showed her around the study where he had fucked Temari on his father's desk, the bathroom where he had fucked her on the floor, the kitchens where he had fucked her on the counter tops, the view of the gardens from his bedroom window where he had fucked her hoping someone would see them together. Shut up.
They sat together on his bed discussing one of the paintings on his wall, but he was distracted. He couldn't stop himself from glancing over and over to the cupboard which held the photograph, as though it might somehow jump out of its box and show itself to Ayame, ruining everything for him just like Temari herself had a habit of doing. After abusing her picture, his relief had been unsatisfying and filled him with self-disgust. He had thrown the picture across the room and paced up and down until he had calmed down enough to try to sleep again. He glanced up to the wall he had punched into in his frustration. If Ayame asked why it was cracked, he didn't know if he would be able to think up an excuse. She didn't ask him about the wall, but was not completely unobservant or oblivious to his discomfort. They kissed a little on his bed, but she interrupted it.
"Are you OK?" She asked. "It feels like you're not really into this."
"No, that's not it," he wanted to tell her that he was into it, but knew if would have been a lie. "I just haven't been sleeping too well, that's all."
"Alright," she said, although it didn't sound as though she truly believed his answer. She took her hand from him and sat a few inches away on the bed. "But I'm not imagining it, am I? I've had a really nice time but it seems like you might have invited me up here because you felt like you had to."
"What? No, I don't mind." Even as the words were still spilling from his mouth, he knew it was a stupid thing to say.
Ayame closed her eyes to sigh, and then looked at him with a warm smile. "I need someone who does mind. I need someone who wants to go into this with everything he has. Someone who can't wait to see me and never stops thinking about me. That's not you, is it?"
Shikamaru shrugged. She was right. He wasn't obsessed with her like that. Not with her.
"That's that, then. I've had a really nice time with you, Shikamaru." She didn't sound angry at all. Was she breaking up with him? He couldn't deny her reasons, but he found it hard to imagine any relationship ending so amiably. "I'm glad we gave it a shot."
"Me too," he finally managed. "It's been fun. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry!" She leaned forward again to hug him. "If you ever want a discount on your ramen, you know where to come."
She gave him a kiss on the cheek and stood to gather her things. It was so easy. So painless.
"You're a really nice person, Ayame," he told her sincerely. "You know that?"
"That's very sweet of you to say. But somehow I get the feeling that "nice" isn't exactly what you're looking for."
He hugged her goodbye at the door and watched her walk slowly back down to the village. Shikamaru was alone with his thoughts again.
* * *
"Do you have any dirty clothes, sweetie?" Yoshino called to him from the other side of the house. "I'm putting a wash on."
He hated how she would shout through the house to him, and took himself through to the kitchen to find her so he could speak with her face to face.
"Actually Mom," he began, "could you maybe teach me how the washing machine works?"
"Of course, Sweetie. Why do you want to know?"
"I just think it's about time I learned how to take care of myself."
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Shadowplay and Hurricanes