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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
4. The Offer
Gaara stands alone on the roof of his home dressed in his shinobi outfit – a long red jacket, black pants, and gray vest. I enjoy this outfit much more than the Kazekage robes, because it highlights the lean strength in his body. His gourd of sand is on his back. His face is tilted up toward the moon, letting the moonlight wash over his alabaster skin and its blank expression. Without my curse I would believe he is thinking nothing, just experiencing the cold night air of the desert.
I am still careful to not stray into his thoughts. It feels like too much of an unfair advantage on my part to intrude. I want our relationship to form more… naturally, as if that were even possible at this point. I’m not sure why – this hasn’t ever bothered me so much before with my other guardians. I’m still not quite sure why he feels so different to me, more important than the others.
I can still feel his mood radiating from him like a beacon, however, even with the wall clearly up between our minds. He is most definitely deep in thought about something. The first two nights after I approached him, the pain radiating from him was so deep and palpable, that it felt as if my heart was being bruised. During the four nights following, he has seemed to shift constantly between curiosity and desire, to pain and anger. Whenever his mood shifts more towards pain, he has a subconscious habit of clutching the front of his shirt above his heart – as if trying to reach the pain inside his chest. Tonight I can feel the desire stronger than ever before, but the anger is beginning to dominate his mood. Each night, his face remains a completely blank mask during this internal battle.
It has to be tonight – now or never. I have prepared myself for this, but for the first time in my life I am so afraid I feel almost frozen in place. What if he rejects me? What if he sees and hears my offer, and turns me down cold? Can I recover from that?... What if he accepts my offer? Will I be able to follow through on my claims? Will he see through my clever acting to the frightened woman beneath? What if I make him angry? He could hurt me. I could probably protect myself sufficiently using my curse, but at what cost? I shake my head, trying to set in place the confidence I will require to go through with this. All I can do is take the risk… put my offer out there, and then see how he responds. I suppose the true worst he could do is kill me. From what I hear, I wouldn’t suffer long…
I retreat from my hiding place, and approach him from an alternate vantage point. When I am close enough, I begin to hum softly to myself – the same melody I sung to him in the courtyard. I can feel the wind swirl softly around my ankles, and lift into the air brushing towards him – no harder than a breath. He straightens – every muscle locking and flexing in response to my announcement of my presence. I stop a good distance in front of him, letting my melody come to an end and the breeze die down with it. He slowly turns to face me. His face remains carefully composed, but I can see his eyes tracing my figure.
I managed to trade in all of my clothes for cash with different vendors and individuals in the market place. For tonight, I have purchased another cloak. Instead of the black I used for cover before, I have taken a risk. This one still hides all of my body except for my head and neck. It is bright white silk against the night, with a dark soft fur lining the inside. It is pulled together and securely fastened in the front. I have let my dark brown locks fall free down my shoulders to my low back, creating stark contrast with the pale color of the cloak. I have the faintest amount of color on my eyelids and lips, and I can only hope my efforts have successfully created a soft glow around my entire form. My stomach is quivering, but I tamp down my nerves when I see the faintest hint of heat begin to form in his eyes.
“Gaara,” I say as I nod respectively to him. “Do you mind if I use your name when I address you?”
“No.” I wait for more explanation, but none follows.
“My name is Utako Mizuki. I thank you for permitting me this meeting with you.”
“There are easier ways to make an appointment with a Kazekage.” He raises one hairless eyebrow slightly. “I take it this meeting is of a private nature?”
“Yes.” I nod, feeling my stomach begin to quiver again. “Have you considered what I said to you in the courtyard?”
He nods, but again does not provide any additional information.
“Your sand allowed me to gain access to your body, because in that moment I truly intended you no harm – only kindness and pleasure. I hope I did not cause any unintended harm through my actions.”
He hesitates, but then proceeds in a low grumble, “Your… actions… caused some aggravation amongst my guards. However, you proved a point. It has been several days since that time. I had begun to think you decided not to meet with me again.”
“Well, I am here now.” I stand up straighter, letting an air of confidence flow into my limbs and my expression. “And I have an offer I wish to make you.”
“Very well.”
“I have not been within your village long, but I have noted how you interact with your people. You rule them fairly, from what I have only briefly observed, and most of them seem to respect and value you. However… there is a profound distance between yourself and those around you.” I take a step closer to him, and he stiffens only slightly. “They flow around you like a great river around a strong stone, but they never touch you. Not even those close to you – your advisors or siblings.”
I let a broad and sly smile cross my lips as I continue. “At the same time, I notice you have gathered quite a… following, should we say?... of women who desire your affections. You appear to allow this… yet choose not to take any of them up on their obvious attempts to pair with you, in even the most simple way. Many men… even many Kages in your position would not hesitate to take one or more of these women up on their offers, and take them to their beds. Have I misjudged the situation? Do you have a secret love in your life, or do you exercise this pleasure more than it appears?” I hold my breath awaiting his answer. His continued cool distance increases my nervousness.
His voice is as distant as his expression, “They have no true interest in me. They desire my position, or my power. They are young… perhaps in love with the idea of me.” He paused, but I wait for him to continue. He clutches his fist absently in the fabric of his shirt again. “If they truly knew me as I am… understood my thoughts as I once was… they would recoil in disgust or fear of me. They would have no true interest. I do not take them up on their offers of affection, because they are not real.”
“That leaves you in a very vulnerable position.” His eyes reflect confusion at my claim.
“Explain.” His demand is firm and somewhat agitated.
“You are denying yourself affection and pleasure, even when offers for that very thing are piled high upon your head each day. You are a man, not a child. Eventually your resolve will fail you. You will accept one of them, and you will most likely regret that action.” I walk gracefully to the edge of the roof and lean my back upon the tall railing at the edge, still facing him. I know the cloak will hug the contours of my body from this angle. “A woman can lie with her body, as easily as she can with her lips. Choosing the wrong woman could prove detrimental to you, even fatal. If a woman is skilled in her advances, and the pleasures she can grant you, but you are inexperienced – it could prove more difficult for you to safely judge her intentions or the sincerity of her gift.”
“I do not understand.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest, and narrows his eyes at me. “What does this have to do with you? Are you one of these women? What is it that you intend to offer?”
“I offer you experience. I offer you myself – my body to do with as you wish.” His eyes narrow further, but they drift down the contours of my body once more. When he brings his eyes back to mine, I continue; staring intently into his own. “My offer has nothing to do with your position as Kazekage. I do not wish to be acknowledged publicly. In fact… I do not wish for anyone else to ever know of our agreement at all. I will only meet with you alone, each night – and only if you wish me to join you. Once I am there… you may do as you wish. You may practice what brings you pleasure.”
I pause in an attempt to let my words begin to work. His expression doesn’t change, as if it is frozen in place.
“Come now Gaara… how long has it been since you truly kissed a woman with all the desire coursing through you? How long since you’ve felt her warmth beneath you, or fallen asleep with her soft body cradled against you? How much longer can you keep waiting before your resolve falters again? Do you know intimately which caresses truly bring pleasure and which bring pain? I will answer any questions you have as best, and as honestly, as I can. I will not deny you a pleasure you choose to explore. However, I will call a limit on pain. I will not allow you to beat me, or inflict intentional harm.”
Garra turns his face away from me, to stare out again into the starry night. He is silent for a long time. “And how do I know you are not one of these women who wish me harm? Who lie with their body? What do you get out of this arrangement?”
“I unfortunately cannot prove my intentions. I have no village or home of my own. I have no history or contacts for you to check into, although you are welcome to try.” I push gently off of the railing and take a few steps closer to him cautiously. “I am a wanderer, running from demons in my past that I do not wish to explain. My relationship with you would grant me shelter from the cold nights alone. You will simply have to decide whether you wish to take the risk on me or not. Whether that which I offer you is common, or rare enough to outweigh the risks. As for what I get out of our arrangement…” I let the heat of my desire shine clearly in my eyes as I rake his body over again. “That is simple. I want pleasure.”
He turns to face me again. He has a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth, and his eyebrow is once again raised high. “Pleasure?”
“Of course,” I return his seductive smile. “It is no secret, Gaara, that your form is very pleasing to women. You are lean and strong. You are striking and handsome. Your voice can make a woman breathless. I have wondered many times what your strong hands would feel like running over my body. What your mouth would feel like, moving with my own. I want to experience these things, and this arrangement would grant me that pleasure for as long as you choose to continue it.”
The heat in his eyes is intense, and the desire radiating from him is like a strong wave. I can feel my stomach flutter in response. “And how do you suggest I make this choice?” His voice is pure challenge, but I have anticipated what is coming next. “How do I even know if your form pleases me? If your body will provide the pleasure you seem so confident in?”
“You must decide that for yourself.” With a flick of my wrist I release the ties on the front of my cloak, allowing it to drop and pool at my feet. Beneath it I wear nothing. The moonlight alone caresses my skin, and my breath catches slightly at the chill which hits it. I make sure to keep my confident expression on my face, but I am truly afraid now. Now he can honestly reject me, simply because he doesn’t find my form satisfactory.
He did not expect my response. His arms fall to his sides, and his eyes grow wide with surprise. His expression seems unsure, but slowly the heat returns as he runs his gaze along my body – over and over again. Suddenly, I hear a faint hissing sound and realize the sand is moving slowly towards me. I hold very still, but my pulse quickens. When it reaches me, small fingers of sand begin moving up my legs from my ankles. The smooth sensation, like roughened silk, continues moving up my body caressing each curve. It swells over my hips, across my belly and back, over my chest, and even hesitantly along my cheeks. I cannot hide the faint blush that darkens my cheeks at his intimate attention. Slowly, I feel the sand begin to retreat along the same course as before. I close my eyes and take a steadying breath.
When I open them again, he has his back turned to me and once again appears to be watching the night sky. I wait for an answer, but he does not move – does not speak. Cautiously, I collect the cloak from around my feet, and tie its warmth back securely around me. I am so afraid of his answer that I can feel my hands tremble and try to steady them.
What should I do if he says no? What should I do if he wants what I offer now?
I told myself I was prepared for that possibility, but I am suddenly unsure. I have never made myself this vulnerable to anyone before. He sighs deeply, and casts his eyes to the ground, but does not turn to face me. I cannot see the expression he wears. His mood is suddenly hard to interpret without actively pressing harder – caught somewhere between pain, desire, and… confusion perhaps?
“Why do you wish for no one to know of this arrangement?” His voice is suddenly rougher than I remember. I decide to answer him honestly.
“There are people who wish to find me. People who would harm me if they did; who would not hesitate to bring you trouble. I wish for as few people as possible within the walls of this village to even know that I exist.” I hesitate, not sure how to put the rest into words correctly. “I also want this agreement to be between you and I only. I do not want to deal with the pressures of what others will think, how their opinions of you could change based upon your decision. I desire you Gaara, and I do not wish to spend my nights here alone. However, I truly do not wish for this to cause you trouble.”
He is quiet for a long time before speaking. “I need time to think about what you have offered.” My heart begins to sink, but he continues by saying, “I will not tell the others of your visit, or what you offer me. How will I contact you when I have made my decision?”
I pull a small, red-bead bracelet from the pocket within my cloak. I toss it to the ground at his feet.
“When you have decided, simply tie that around your right wrist. I will come to you.” With that, I turn away from him and quickly fade into the night.
I can feel him tracking me for some distance before I scatter his thoughts and ability to trace me further. When I return to the room I have rented, I let out all of the air I have been holding in a great rush. My entire body begins to shake from releasing the great strain it has been in. My face feels hot, but my body cold. I begin rubbing my arms to ward off the chill. I had been sure I was ready for this, but now I can see how foolish that was. I am experienced in courting men, winning their affections, and dodging their advances. To say I am an experienced lover is an outright lie. Surely, if he accepts my offer and takes me as a lover, this will be obvious to him soon enough. I will just have to deal with that problem when it arises, and hope the pleasure he finds with me is sufficient to lessen the strength of any anger from him.
I look into the mirror in my room, as I drop my cloak once again. My body is lean but strong. My long legs and waist are slightly unbalanced from my broad shoulders and full breasts. The little scars I have across my body are all well faded, and small enough to overlook in the right light. I can only hope he enjoyed the sight, and is interested enough to truly consider my offer.
I realize that in courting Gaara as my new guardian in this way, I truly have solved very little of my problems. Normally, I would entice my guardian to take me in and provide for my needs in exchange for my company. Some of them found this to be a worthless chore when I would avoid their advances. Some of them spoiled me, in an attempt to soften my careful distance. With Gaara… I haven’t even truly given myself this option. I am already out of money, and will have nowhere to stay after tonight. However, Gaara does not appear to truly sleep except for short periods in the early morning. Perhaps, if I can get him to accept my physical presence with him at night, I can achieve some rest in his arms. This thought lifts my spirits. I still have no idea why I am going about this all backwards and upside down, but I do not want to worry about it anymore tonight. For now, I am going to curl up in this bed and sleep non-stop until I have to leave it tomorrow.
Hopefully… Gaara will not take long to decide.
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Love Me When I'm Gone

4. The Offer