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Kyuubi's Pet	By : TJChaos Category: Naruto > General Views: 10032 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: The following is a farcical parody. The events portrayed within are a ludicrous representation of a fictional world. I don't own Naruto, but if I did there'd be a lot more nubile ninja lovin'. Also, I make no profit from this. That's a shame.

Chapter List
- 3
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- 5
++ CHAPTER 3 ++

Kyuubi�s Rampage
A building exploded, sending chunks of masonry and scattered ninjas all over the place. There were sounds of fighting, of metal and of ninjutsu, and an almighty roar that shattered glass and shuddered the foundations of the few buildings left standing.

High above the carnage, Haruno Sakura stood before the Hokage, leader of the village, and a squad of battle-ready ninjas, all ready to leap on her if she so much as moved the wrong way.

�You didn�t see this coming?� Tsunade screamed at her. �It didn�t occur to you that it might be a bad idea to encourage the nine-tailed demon fox, to weaken the seal put in place by the fourth Hokage, and to release the greatest threat ever faced by this village? None of this occurred to you!?�

�Umm�� said Sakura.

�Putting aside the fact that you were supposed to report any change in Naruto�s behaviour, you have engaged in acts that have corrupted your own chakra flow, perhaps permanently! I can�t even imagine the long-term effects this�ll have on your body, never mind your suitability as a ninja! What were you thinking?�

Sakura was looking at her feet, shuffling them distractedly. �Well� I wasn�t really thinking about much at the time��

A louder crash sounded nearby, shaking the ground violently and causing the ninja guards to look around, uneasily.

�Maybe we could� reason with him?� Sakura asked, hopefully.

Tsunade�s face was a mask of rage, veins standing out on her temple and her left eye twitching involuntarily. �Reason?� she shrieked. �That thing is not Naruto! It�s Kyuubi! The nine-tailed demon fox! You can�t reason with it! We�ll be lucky not to be killed by it!�

Sakura shifted her weight onto her other foot. �Well�� she began, thoughtfully.

�Yes, Sakura? You have a plan?� Tsunade asked in a very dangerous voice.

�If I can�t reason with it, then there might be something I can do��
It had happened quite suddenly, although in retrospect it should have been obvious. Fifteen years ago the nine-tailed demon fox, Kyuubi, had been sealed within the infant boy Naruto. Since then, the boy had struggled to contain the beast within himself and had, for the most part, succeeded.

Until Sakura came along.

She had weakened his control, letting out the beast little by little until it took over Naruto completely. Now it was rampaging about the village, an unstoppable elemental force.

So technically it was her fault, although she justified it by telling herself that it would probably have happened eventually anyway.

Sakura was now leaping across what was left of the rooftops of Konoha, towards Kyuubi and the plan she had formulated. It was quite simple, really; the beast had been unleashed because of Naruto�s lustful thoughts for her, so she would use her womanly charms to lure it away from the village.

What to do after that was another matter entirely, but she�d come up with something. Probably.

Landing on a collapsed tower in the beast�s line of sight, Sakura unzipped her top to a point just at the level of her breasts, exposing more skin for sexy effect. She then pulled her top down over her shoulder and, looking back at Kyuubi, gave it an exaggerated wink and a smile. Then, deciding that it was impossible to be too suggestive at a time like this, she smacked her lips and pouted.

The beast caught this performance out of the corner of its eye and stopped. It turned its attention fully on the pink-haired girl.

Sakura, realising that the plan was working, ran her tongue slowly over her teeth, backing away as she did. Seduced, Kyuubi followed.

That�s it, she thought. Come to Sakura�
And the plan might have worked. But it didn�t. Because it was rubbish, as Sakura found out to everyone�s cost.
�You didn�t stop it!� screamed Tsunade, as Sakura was brought before the Hokage once more. �You just made it horny! And now we�ve lost half of our female ninjas � apparently, having an orgy with the evil demon is more important than defending their family and friends!�

Sakura put on a thoughtful face. �Yes, it is a tricky situation.�

Of course, Sakura was talking about Kyuubi having sex with other women. This whole situation was a problem if it meant the cessation of good hot Kyuubi lovin�. Mind you, it had been a pretty horrifying ordeal, what with the beast extending its chakra to create phalluses and humping everyone in sight, its naked lust spilling over into the ninjas it fucked and turning them into wanton sluts. That wasn�t the bad bit, though. The bad bit was when it came, causing ninjas to scatter in all directions screaming �tidal wave!� And it was, it was a tidal wave, fifteen feet high, that drenched everyone present and created a small lake. That was what happened the first time. It then proceeded to cum several times more, turning the once-proud village of Konoha into a large lake of foul-smelling semen.

That was a pretty horrible experience. Not to mention the fact that it was still going on.

Tsunade was now shouting something, but Sakura was ignoring her. She was thinking.

There were two problems here: Firstly, Kyuubi was on a rampage; Secondly, it was sleeping with other women. The ideal solution, to Sakura�s mind, would solve both problems at once. What connected them? Naruto. He was the only one who could impose his will and stop the beast�s rampage. Also, he had deep feelings for Sakura � if he had her, he wouldn�t want to ravage hundreds of nubile ninja babes. Sakura was all the nubile ninja babe anyone needed.

And so, in a flash of inspiration, Sakura came up with her second plan, which was much like the first, only less awful.
Ino was exhausted. She had been fighting like everyone else, and when Saku-SLUT had done whatever she had done to make the situation worse, she had narrowly managed to avoid being doinked by the earthly manifestation of the living apocalypse. She�d also narrowly avoided drowning in the lake of love custard, which, contrary to popular belief, was not the way she wanted to go.

She was annoyed. She didn�t want to fight anymore � what was the point? There wasn�t much she could do anyway. She was just entertaining thoughts of moving to some tropical island somewhere when a shadow flitted across her vision. She readied herself instantly, expecting another attack. What she saw instead was the figure of Sakura leaping through the rubble.

Ino grinned wickedly. Exhausted as she was, she was still boiling with rage at her encounter with Sakura the other night. If nothing else could be done this day, she would have her revenge, her hot, sticky revenge.

�SAAKUUURAAAAA!� she screamed, leaping at her rival.

The pink-haired girl turned, surprised, and was almost swept off her feet as Ino attacked. She did a backflip and landed on the ground, kunai at the ready, and then they were facing each other at the edge of the filthy lake.

�Ino!� Sakura said.

Ino�s mouth was spread into a leer that, together with her wide, staring eyes, created the image of someone gone quite mad. She had produced her own ninja knife and grasped it firmly in her hand, more than ready to use it.

�I�m gonna drown you!� she growled. Sakura looked to the lake.

�Eww�� she said.

�That�s right! I�ll own you like you owned me!�

Sakura raised her hands in a placating gesture. �Listen, Ino, this isn�t the time! I have to stop Naruto!�

�I don�t care!� Ino screamed, mad eyes dancing. �There�s nothing you can do! There�s nothing anyone can do!�

She started advancing on Sakura, slowly.

�I�m gonna have you, right here, right now!�

She lunged, slashing a wide arc with her blade. Sakura ducked and leapt to the side, bringing her kunai up swiftly as she deflected a second strike. At that moment, Ino brought her foot up and kicked Sakura in the stomach, the force knocking the pink-haired girl backwards. She let the momentum take her outside of the knife�s range and then got to her feet, ready to resume the fight.

The two girls stood facing one another. Silently, they glared into each other�s eyes. Ino�s blue eyes blazed with fury; Sakura�s wore the expression of great irritation.

�I don�t have time for this!� Sakura growled. She was annoyed. She really didn�t have time for this! She had a village to save. The last thing she wanted to do was waste time with this whore who, by the way, wasn�t complaining when she fucked her the other night. In fact, she should be grateful!

Ino didn�t agree. She suddenly sprung into action, pulling a handful of shuriken from her pack and throwing them at Sakura. The pink-haired girl, to her credit, leapt just in time to avoid the spinning blades, which struck the wall behind where she had been standing harmlessly.

As Sakura landed, Ino completed the arc of her jump and swung her leg round in a vicious roundhouse kick. Sakura brought her forearm up to block it before punching out at her opponent. The blow connected with the blond girl�s torso and sent her flying back to land flat on her back upon the stony ground.

Ino spat out some dust that had entered her mouth and looked up at her rival. Sakura had the higher ground, and her silhouette was framed against the glare of the midday sun. Her short hair fluttered in the slight breeze. She looked down at Ino with a frown.

�If you want to settle this, we can. But first I have something I need to do. If you�re desperate for another beating, I�ll come back. You wait here and I�ll be back.�

Ino gave a bitter smile. �Fine. Go. But you�d better come back, Sakura! Then I�ll show you whose ass belongs to who!�

Sakura gave her own crooked smile. �Whatever makes you happy, Ino.�

And with that she leapt away, to face the beast and save the village.

�Good luck, Sakura,� Ino muttered, grudgingly.
Past the broken buildings, the collapsed rooftops and uprooted trees, around the groups of the injured and displaced, over the great lake of semen (which really was vile. I mean, ugh � can you imagine?) Haruno Sakura kept her eyes forward as she advanced on her goal. The great demon fox loomed large as every swish of one of its many tails caused a juddering tremor that loosed rock and caused more devastation. It was currently engaged in battle with a group of elite ninjas, their feeble attacks meaning little to the enormous beast. At its feet, smaller shadow clones ravished the aforementioned hot, nubile ninja girls. The Kage Bunshin no Jutsu was Naruto�s signature move � an indication that he was still alive in there. That was good. Sakura would have to use that.

She ran past these wanton love-a-holics � fancying she could hear a distant high-pitched voice squeaking, �Please take me too, Naruto-kun!� � and stopped before the beast. She thought she heard the voice of Kakashi-sensei shouting, �No, Sakura! It�s too dangerous!� but she ignored it. Only she could win here.

Sakura planted her legs apart and put her hands on her hips. Then, in her bossiest voice she screamed, �NARUTOOOOOOO!!�

The sound resounded through the shattered remnants of the village.

The Kyuubi stopped. So did the shadow clones. The elite ninjas held back, not knowing what would happen next. The horny ninja girls also stopped, except for a sole voice, which said meekly, �W� Why are you stopping? Is� isn�t it my turn, yet?�

Kyuubi turned its full attention on Sakura. Its mouth split into a wide leer, exposing its many teeth, each sharpened to a point. Its eyes goggled at her, each almond-shaped globe the size of a single-story shack, like Naruto�s had been. She could feel the full might of its deadly gaze and the feel of the malignant chakra to which she had grown so accustomed.

SAKURA. MY PET.

�What perverted thing are you up to now?� she continued, crossly. �Honestly! I leave you alone for a little bit, and you start doing things like this!� She indicated the spread-eagled ninja sluts. �You should be ashamed of yourself!�

ASHAMED, SAKURA?

�A fine example you�re setting! What about Konohamaru? Eh? He�ll only copy you! Next thing you know he�ll be molesting perverted girls � in broad daylight, no less!�

One of the above-mentioned perverted girls said, �Hey!�

�Oh, shut up and close your legs.� The girl hastened to oblige.

�I�ve honestly had just about enough of your shenanigans! Just when I thought you�d started to mature, when I thought you were grown-up enough for us to have a normal relationship, you start doing something like this! Well, I�m angry! What do you have to say for yourself!?�

In the short time it took for the demon beast to answer, everyone watching this spectacle simultaneously thought, What the fuck is she doing!?

I AM KYUUBI, AND YOU ARE ALL MY PREY.

This wasn�t good. Sakura was trying to catch the beast off balance, but it was keeping its cool in an I-Am-Rage-Incarnate sort of a way.

�Oh� oh, is that so? Well, I don�t suppose you�ll be interested in my deal, then! Maybe I should find some other Jinchuuriki who knows how to behave themselves in front of a lady. Gaara, maybe?�

GAARA? �DEAL? WHAT DEAL?

This was good. Naruto saw Gaara as a friend, but as something of a rival also. This shows that I�m getting through to him, she thought. It�s time to put my heart on the line.

�There�s a deal we can make. An agreement. Between you and me, Naruto and Sakura. It�s a special agreement. I�ve thought about it long and hard, and this is what I�ve come up with.

�You get me. Just me. And not like it was before, not just the perverted stuff. Me. All of me. My love. I�ll be with you forever, just me and you. Together. We�ll run away, it�ll be like we�re married. We�ll spend the rest of our days together away from all these people, and we�ll make love all the time, Naruto. Just you and me.

�What do you say� Naruto?�

There was a pause. Not a sound filled it.

Then.

HO HO HO.

The beast laughed. It was a wicked laugh, deep and booming. It spoke unto the hearts of all who heard it, saying �I am an evil villain. Fear me!� It was just the sort of laugh you�d hear from a demonic beast, devoid of joy, the antithesis of all that was good and caring � like Bizarro Santa, if you follow.

I CAN HAVE YOU. RIGHT HERE AND NOW. YOU CAN�T RESIST ME, YOU�RE ADDICTED. WHAT IS THIS TALK OF LOVE? I NEED NO SUCH THING! I CAN HAVE ANYONE I WANT HERE AND YOU � YOU! YOU WILL BEND OVER FOR ME WILLINGLY AND I WILL FUCK YOU �TIL YOU BURST! THERE IS NO BARGAIN! THERE WILL BE NO DEAL! I AM THE NINE-TAIL AND I OWN YOU NOW!

NOW� BEND OVER FOR ME, SAKUSLUT.

The beast leaned in closer to Sakura.

There was another pause. Nothing but silence.

Sakura raised a single eyebrow.

Then, summoning all the chakra she could into her fist, she gave Kyuubi an almighty punch. The beast�s head whipped round at a tremendous speed, uprooting trees and sending the people watching flying from their feet.

But Sakura stood her ground. Her short hair whipped furiously in the wind, but Sakura kept a defiant pose.

�You watch your language! Honestly, Naruto, you�ve picked up some bad habits over the last three years! I blame that Jiraya.�

Jiraya, the legendary ninja, said, �Hey!�

�Oh, shut up, you perverted old toad!� Sakura scolded. Jiraya shrank back, afraid.

YOU LITTLE BITCH! I�LL�

�I thought you might not go for that straight away,� she said. �So I have a counter-offer.�

With this, she unzipped her top and tossed it away. There, all and sundry could see around twenty explosive notes strapped to her body.

She put on a coy smile. �Welcome to my counter-offer, Naruto.�

Kyuubi laughed again.

SUCH TRICKS CANNOT HURT ME!

�No,� said Sakura with a gleam in her eye. �But they can hurt me.�

Kyuubi�s expression wavered.

WHAT�

�Let me make this simple for you, Naruto,� she said, quietly. �If you turn down my offer, I will die. You will never see me again, and you will be forever haunted by the thought that you could have had me. Because I know you, Naruto. You�re not a bad person. You would never do this�� she indicated the desolation around them ��willingly. So this is the deal. You turn back into your human form, now, and we can leave together, today.�

SAKURA� CHAN�

Her eyes shone with the strength of her convictions.

�Choose,� she said.
++ END OF CHAPTER 3
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Kyuubi's Pet