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Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again	By : PrplGrl Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Happy Medium?

This was how it was supposed to be.

Shikamaru was happy.

It was the only word he could find to describe the feeling swirling inside him, although he was reluctant to do so. He never imagined he could have found a solution that compromised between his life with his parents and Deidara.

As it turned out, Sai was an entertainer who worked for Itachi. That night, Itachi had offered Shikamaru a job with him. The rules were a little different and he took a larger cut of the profit, but the drugs were better and he got to stay with his parents.

The raven-haired man thought differently from Deidara. While the blonde had preferred his entertainers stayed at one location, leaving their life behind, Itachi believed it was less suspicious to have his entertainers come to a certain location only a few times a week. In that way, they could continue their “normal” lives while still getting the same benefits as a full time entertainer.

Shikamaru liked that.

The job he had been offered was not exactly like his last one with Deidara, though. While at the party, Shikamaru and Sai had sex right there, in the bedroom, in front of dozens of people. Many had commented how they enjoyed watching the two. It gave Itachi an idea, so instead of having actual clients, Shikamaru and Sai would get together three times a week (for what he told his parents were “study nights”) and make movies, with Itachi as their director.

After their homework was done, with the raven-haired man was adamant about, Shikamaru and Sai would have sex in front of a camera two or three times, then get high. It was a new routine that the Nara found he liked.

He liked it a lot.

He found himself smiling a lot more. Shikamaru was even talking to his parents without snapping. His need was being fulfilled and his lust calmed. Life just seemed a whole lot better.

He was happy.

He should have known all good things must come to an end.

“Shikamaru, could you set the table?” his mother called out one Sunday night. He quickly obliged. His parents weren’t nearly as irritating anymore and were none the wiser to his new routine, which had been going on for well over a month now.

As soon as he finished placing the silverware onto the table, his father walked into the house, followed by his close friend and fellow cop Chouza Akimichi. His father looked grim; a scowl was set onto his features and his eyes were sad.

“Rough day?” Shikamaru asked, going to grab another plate for their guest; his father would bring one or both of his friends home from time to time.

“Shikamaru,” his father commanded, softly, “I think you should sit down.”

He raised an eyebrow and placed the china on the table. “Why?”

“Shikamaru, listen.” Shikaku grabbed his son’s shoulders and looked into his eyes. “I’ve… got some bad news.”

The teen stood still as his father sighed and took a few steps back, curiosity keeping him quiet.

“Sai… is dead.”

His eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat. A dark feeling began to pool within his chest, making breathing somewhat difficult.

‘No,’ he thought, shaking his head. “He can’t be,” Shikamaru said, releasing a small laugh to try and ease the tension within him.

His father merely gave him a sad expression.

The small smile that had been on his face vanished and he gazed at the floor. ‘No….’

“He was found this afternoon,” his father continued, his tone soft. “The coroner… believed Sai was killed from a drug overdose.”

Shikamaru flinched. Since when had the pale teen gotten stupid? That idiot should have known when enough was too much! He… he couldn’t leave Shikamaru. They had been friends, lovers.

His routine was shattered.

Again.

Several minutes passed in silence, the teen fighting a battle he could never win, trying to figure out how Sai could have been murdered. Maybe someone covered it up by making it look like a drug overdose. Maybe the coroner was mistaken; he had just seen the pale teen yesterday!

“Shikamaru?” his father asked, taking a step closer to him.

“I’m all right,” he said, maybe a little to quickly, retreating a step. He looked away from his father and walked to the stairs. “I’m all right,” he repeated, slowly walking to the second floor of the house, opening the door to his room.

Closing it behind him, Shikamaru leaned against the cool wood, glancing up at his ceiling. It was a beautiful sky blue, with white, fluffy clouds painted on its surface. He loved to gaze up at the clouds; when he was a child, they had lived in the country, and it had been his favorite pastime. Moving into a city had been hard on him, and his parents had surprised him by painting the ceiling. His bed sat underneath his favorite cloud, one he could conjure into fifteen different shapes, when looked at correctly. It was always fun to stare at it.

It brought him no comfort now.

He walked to his bed and sat down on the sheets, his eyes drifting to the picture on his nightstand. His chest tightened and an all too familiar darkness reached out. He could almost hear the mocking voice greet him, “I’m baaaack!”

Misery had returned.

Tears stung his eyes and Shikamaru placed his face within his hands, quietly sobbing.

He should have known better.

‘Some people just aren’t allowed to have happiness,’ he bitterly thought. He just wished someone had told him. He never should have gotten so far as to be happy. He should have stayed away from people and drowned in his misery. Then maybe the closest thing he had to a friend might still be alive.

‘Maybe I’m the real idiot.’

Maybe this was all his fault.

If he hadn’t gone to Deidara, his parents wouldn’t have spent so much time and effort to find him (which he had just recently found out about) and he’d still be going to that stupid public school, getting beat up daily. Everyone around him would have been happy; what did his own matter?

Shikamaru wiped the tears from his face and slowly stood, glaring at the picture.

Sai stood with an arm around the Nara, smiling brightly to the camera.

This would be the start of it, he knew. His parents would start asking him questions again. They would suspect him of getting back into drugs, seeing as the guy he hung out with a lot just overdosed. There would be questions up the ass about what he and the pale teen had done on their nights together, and that might lead them to the movies that had been made. Drug tests, court dates, and rehab clinics; that’s what Shikamaru saw in his immediate future.

For tonight, however, he figured he would be left alone.

Pushing back the tears that wanted to continue flowing, he walked over to his desk. He grabbed the edge and very slowly and carefully picked up the heavy wood and moved it away from the wall. Shikamaru knelt down and grabbed at the air conditioning vent, gently removing it. He reached inside the duct and took out a small box, about the size of a soda can.

Usually, he only did drugs three times a week, when he’d visit Sai.

This was his emergency stash.

He placed the box on the desk and removed the cover. Inside it was a fresh syringe, a rubber tie, and small bottle with a bit of clear liquid.

The darkness within him pulsed harshly, causing a gasp to escape his lips. It had been quite sometime since he had felt it, and Shikamaru couldn’t help but think that it had gotten stronger.

He grabbed the syringe and poked the needle into the cork top of the bottle. He didn’t pay attention to the numbers on it as he emptied the container. All he knew was that this would quiet the darkness for a time, maybe long enough for him to sleep without unpleasant memories.

Sitting back on the bed, he pulled up the short sleeve of his shirt and tied the rubber around his arm. He worked very slowly, finding the correct vein, pushing the metal into his flesh, watching as he injected every drop into his blood stream.

When it was over, Shikamaru placed the used needle and rubber tie on the nightstand and lied down, staring up at his favorite cloud.

He watched as it morphed and contracted as a real cloud would. Tears came to his eyes again, the puff of white looking like the pale teen.

“You’re new.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

The cloud smiled. “I’m Sai.”

Shikamaru turned his head away, his gaze now focused on the picture. Sai was moving there, too. The arm that wasn’t around Shikamaru’s shoulders brought his hand up to grope at his groin.

The Shikamaru in the photograph glared at the other.

“What? From what I understand, you should be used to this kind of thing.”

“Curious about the rumors are you?”

“I’m curious whether or not the Pleaser can live up to the name.”

Shikamaru placed his hands over his face, covering his tear filled eyes.

He didn’t want to remember.

Time passed him slowly, although he wasn’t even given solitude within the darkness of his mind. Words Sai had spoken to him kept popping out of nowhere, making the darkness swell, the drug doing little to stifle it.

“You have a nice dick.”

“I’m surprised you’re not rusty, since you haven’t done it in such a long time.”

“Oh, yes…. Suck my cock….”

“Let’s make this show the one people remember.”

“You are a fantastic lover.”

“I guess ‘the Pleaser’ was a very correct name for you.”

“Shut up,” Shikamaru whispered, trying to quiet the onslaught. His mind was bringing up emotions that he refused to acknowledge and scenes he didn’t want to see.

That beautiful pale body writhing beneath him.

Water trailed down to Sai’s erection, and Shikamaru licked his lips in anticipation.

Sai’s goofy smile when he smoked a joint always brought a smile to Shikamaru’s face.

That pale hand moved quickly on his stiff manhood, moaning and arching, shooting hot cum on Shikamaru’s clothed groin.

“Stop it!” he almost shouted, sitting up incredibly fast. His vision blurred a moment before he sighed, trying to calm his racing heart. Rubbing his temple, he looked over at the picture again and shook his head. ‘Idiot,’ though to who he was referring, Shikamaru didn’t know. He spotted the discarded syringe and rubber tie. Figuring it would be best to put them away before he fell asleep, he grabbed the items and stood from the bed.

As soon as his body left the sheets, his mind began swirling heavily, his vision spinning the room to odd angles, a heavy wave of nausea clenching at his stomach. He tumbled to the floor, his heartbeat pounding hard in his chest.

Shikamaru looked at the needle in his hand and his dark eyes widened.

He couldn’t remember how much he had put in it.

The bottle was empty.

He had taken too much.

He lied there for a few moments, breathing heavy as panic began settling in on his mind. What was he supposed to do?

There was a knock on his door. “Shikamaru?” Was that his father or his mother? He couldn’t tell.

Praying to whatever god that would listen that it was his male parent, he found enough strength to move another foot before his muscles became jelly and he collapsed completely.

A harder knock and louder voice followed.

Shikamaru’s eyelids were growing very heavy and darkness tinged the edges of his vision. “Dad…” he whispered, his voice leaving him after that one word. He saw the door open, before his lids shut out the world around him throwing him into darkness, the rest of his sentence never leaving his lips.

“…help me.”
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Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again