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Hidden Heartache	By : shiinechan Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2057 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn�t
belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a
work of fiction by a fan.
Pairings: SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus
others
Warnings: Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto�s POV
A/N: Finally after editing and revising the chapter is done. I�m not completely
satisfied with it but I can�t keep changing it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed
and keep letting me know what you think and I
corrected the glaze/gaze error in the previous chapter.

Hidden Heartache

Chapter 4

Having a plan gives power because you�re
no longer praying or hoping for the best but taking control. After I devised a
strategy, which might not have been complex but it gave me hope. I didn�t think to far in advance, which isn�t something I�m
good at, but planned on taking each situation as it came. It was the basic idea
that I gained something that gave me relief and for the first time in weeks, I
slept peacefully, and awoke the following morning refreshed, alert and ready
for watch duty. I smiled and hummed to myself, enjoying the dark predawn day.

The clear sky allowed the bright stars to illuminate the
area. Sasuke sat, leaning against an oversized oak
tree. His gaze looked up towards the sky. His face appeared younger when at
ease and content. I envied his ability to feel free but smiled at his attractiveness.
I took a deep breath, clearing my head of all inappropriate thoughts, and started
to build a wall between us as I walked over to relieve him. My mind replayed
what needed to be done, little conversation and contact.

�Sasuke, I�m here.� I said, but he
didn�t respond. He heard my approach because it�s rare to sneak up on him when trying, so not trying was
impossible; he has a six sense that alerts him to anyone entering his personal
space, which covers a large area. Sasuke sat staring
at the stars ignoring me. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me as an annoying
insect or pest. Normally I would yell, or call him names but today was
different. I had a plan and a new outlook. Immediately, I started to distance
myself from him both emotionally and physically. I sat down using the tree next
to him as a backrest. Sitting in silence
was something completely unexpected and unusual for me to do, but I didn�t think he would notice, or worse yet, he would be
pleased with the peace and quiet. Dread crept through me and my heart beat
faster. Maybe I was the only one that thought we were friends, and the distance
between us would be a welcome relief. But that�s what
I wanted and needed to do, or, at least, that�s what I told myself needed to be
done to stop the feelings. If for a moment,
I thought he didn�t care to see me again, my heart
would break, but if he despised me, I couldn�t survive that. Being an annoying
pest is better than being an evil monster with disgusting thoughts.

We sat quietly for thirty minutes before Sasuke
spoke, breaking the eerie silence, �What�s wrong with you?�

�What do you mean?� I asked. My body stiffened and tensed as
millions of thoughts went through my head. I looked directly at him with wide
stunned eyes, thinking about my secret.
Did he know I lusted after him? I asked myself. I mentally counted to ten, as my body calmed
when I approached the end and I forced an innocent look on my face.

�You�re never this quiet. I didn�t
think it was possible. By now you should be babbling about something.� He
stated. His eyes stared directly into mine almost challenging me to say
otherwise.

A light cool breeze fluttered through the air as he spoke. As
we traveled north, the weather became colder. I hated being cold even as a child. I remember
during an unusual cold spell, curling up in my room, unable to get warm. It was
one of those times I�d wished someone would hold me,
and I would imagine a person�s arms around me, keeping me warm, but that never
happened outside of dreams. Maybe it has something to do with Kyuubi�s power being related to
fire, but for some reason, I feel cold more than anybody else does. I shivered,
turned from Sasuke and pulled my legs close to my
chest, and curled my arms around my legs, trying to shield myself from feeling
vulnerable from the cold and Sasuke�s gaze. �Maybe I
don�t have anything to say,� I responded after a few seconds. Once again,
silence filled the air. I waited for a response but none came. If there was a
god, Sasuke would leave me to my thoughts, but as I
discovered long ago, my prays would be ignored and he continued to sit beside
me.

�Sasuke aren�t you tired?� I asked,
trying to suggest that he leave. After all his watch was over, so why stay? For a moment, I thought he would ignore my
question.

�Not really,� he responded.

Frustration started to build inside of me. How could I put
distance between us if I couldn�t keep us physically
apart. I wanted to hit my head against the tree, but thought against it. In the
end, we sat in silence side by side. I caught myself wanting to make a few
comments or tell him something, but I stopped before I spoke, and reminded
myself of the plan and the reasons for it. We could only be teammates and not
friends. I could no longer share my thoughts or feelings with him. Sasuke cannot look at me like the
others do, I silently told myself. It was that pain and realization it might
happen that kept me from giving up and starting to talk, but I strengthen my
resolve. The distance between us hurt. When I�m with Sasuke the loneliness disappears, but today I felt alone
sitting by him, but this had to be done and it was working; last night I didn�t
dream about him. I pulled my knees even closer to my body for warmth and sat
silently beside him, as the loneliness consumed me.

�Why are you so cold?� he asked, but I couldn�t
answer him, so I shrugged my shoulders and continued to perform watch duty.

�Dobe if you�re not feeling well
go back to sleep, I can handle this,� Sasuke said.

�Who said I�m sick?� I asked, puzzled by his concern and
assumption.

�You�re freezing and acting strange. If you�re not sick,
then what�s wrong?� he asked.

�Sasuke I don�t get sick, but I
hate the cold. Everything�s fine so you can get some sleep.� I said, but I didn�t want him to go. He needs to stay away, I thought
before continuing, �Tomorrow�s going to be a long day and if you don�t get more
sleep you will get bags and dark circles under your eyes and trust me with your
complexion they will stick out and destroy your perfect image and the illusion
you�ve created for our client. She will be devastated when she wakes up and
you�re not your beautiful self.�

�As if I care,� he stated. � Maybe
you�re the one concerned.�

�What do you mean?�

�Well it appears you put a lot of thought into things that
could ruin my �beautiful� appearance.�
�Excuse me,� I said,
shocked by the connection he made. �If you lose your
one redeeming quality then what else is left.� I said. Then trying to distract
him from the topic, I continued, �Besides the mission is just starting and you
will run yourself down, so go back to sleep.�

�Unlike you I don� t require a lot
of sleep.�

I stopped myself before continuing. This is how our fights
start, I thought. If he didn�t want to leave so be it.
The morning will arrive soon enough.

We didn�t speak again and the hours
together in silence felt like days. Kakashi voice was
a welcome relief the following morning before he commented on the situation,
�Don�t you two look cozy sitting together. How romantic, watching the sunrise.�
My faced blushed at his innuendo, which usually happened with any mention of us
together. Embarrassment filled me. I
should have jumped up and screamed at Kakashi for
making a disgusting comment. Words wouldn�t come out
as I looked up dumbfounded. I froze at the mention of a romantic moment and Kakashi stared at me with a look in his eyes I couldn�t place.

For the first time since I met Sayori, I was happy to
see her. She appeared behind Kakashi, yawning. Her
eyes turned towards us. �It�s a shame Sasuke feels
you can�t handle watch duty and needed to watch over you,� she snorted and
smirked before walking away. But her comment broke the
tension and for that I was grateful.

For a moment, I wondered if that was the reason Sasuke stayed with me. Did he think I was incapable of a
simple watch? I was shocked and hurt. While I questioned our friendship, I had
never questioned his respect. My mouth opened to asked, but I quickly closed
it. I wouldn�t ask. It wasn�t
important right now.

�Naruto,,.� he started to say, but stopped. I looked at him and our eyes met before he
spoke again, �Never mind, it�s not important.� But his
expression said the opposite. His eyes held an unusual kindness. Sasuke wanted to say something important, but why did he
stop? I wasn�t sure if I wanted to know.

The group ate in silence. Normally we eat chatting about
random things and even when we are with clients, the conversation doesn�t stop. Now that I think back, I did most of the
talking, but everyone enjoyed it. They laughed and talked along with me. Now everyone
accepted the silence and the quiet seemed typical, but it wasn�t
and the only one who noticed it was me. I looked at my teammates. Their
expressions held a peaceful calm, while the quiet was killing me. I spent most
of my childhood without conversation and even now when I am
alone the silence makes me feel uneasy. Then it hit me, maybe I wasn�t
just an annoyance to Sasuke, but to everyone. My body
shuddered at the thought, as I forced it from my mind.

The journey became monotonous. For the next four days,
nothing happened. We traveled using the same formation, which left Sasuke and me bringing up the rear, but we never spoke. We
quietly walked side by side, performing our duties. Sometimes I could feel his
eyes on me, but when I looked towards him, he would be staring somewhere else. It�s my imagination, I thought.

At night, Sasuke remained during
my watch. At first, I was annoyed. Did he trust me? I asked myself. After the
second night, I enjoyed his presence. We still didn�t
speak to each other but having him close was comforting. I still kept my
distance, but knowing he was there relieved my loneliness, but left me longing
for our previous relationship. I wanted to tell him about all my discoveries
and thoughts. If Sasuke noticed my strange behavior
and distance, he kept it to himself.

As we traveled north, the weather got colder and snow
started to fall. Sayori�s village was located at a
high elevation, so we were traveling up as well. Yesterday morning we hit snow.
It started out as a light dusting on the ground, but now it stopped just below
my calves. Walking became painful as the cold penetrated my boots and pants. I
longed for nights, when we were no longer walking in the stuff. The nights were painfully cold, too. I curled
into a small ball to conserve heat and I wrapped my legs in a blanket keeping them
warm before I would be forced back it.

I longed for warmth.
Each day that past moved me closer to tolerable weather. Only two more days, I
said to myself that morning. In that time, she would be home and the mission
accomplished, so we could travel back down towards the village and bearable
weather.

Did I mention before that god hates me? Well, on the fifth
day, our mission met an obstacle or I should say an ambush.

We traveled steadily towards Sayori�s
village. The weather became bitterly cold the higher and further north we went
and everyone on the team started to feel its effect. At first, it was amusing
watching Kakashi rub his hands together and Sasuke
wrap his arms around his body, but, in the end, the effects of the cold weather
hit me harder than the rest and as we continued, it became hard to move. Each
step became a constant struggle. I didn�t want to be a
liability and Sayori�s comments about my incompetence
constantly plagued my mind, so I decided to hide my troubles.

Sasuke noticed my difficulties and
started to make harsh remarks, �come on dobe or you
will live up to your reputation of being last, but maybe you can�t help it.� The
comments where meant to keep me moving and not to hurt. We still walked in the
same formation, and I don�t know if anyone else noticed
with the distance between us and the snow falling.

As I struggled, the space between the groups grew. Sasuke stayed close by but we could barely see the others
through the snow. We were all cold but I
was on the verge of passing out. My body shook thinking about it. Sayori would love to see me falter. She still detested me
for some unknown reason. We had yet to have a conversation. To be honest, I was
a bit envious of everyone else. I could tell the girl was kind. She would have
chats with Sakura and they laughed together preparing the meals. During mealtime,
she sat beside Sasuke, asking him questions and
trying to get to know him. Sasuke remained his
distant self and I was strangely relieved. I can�t
explain why it bothered me to think about it, but it did. Anyway now wasn�t the time to debate showing Sayori any weakness. I needed to
concentrate on moving and staying focused on our mission.

During mid-afternoon, the snow fell heavier and a sound to
our left drew my attention. Before I knew what hit me, I was
being pushed back behind Sasuke and ten ninjas
appeared separating us from the rest. Sasuke
immediately raced towards them and Sayori�s bodyguard
pushed her behind him, mirroring Sasuke response.

The blinding snow made things difficult, and with my sluggish body, I leaped
towards the ninjas. As my hands and body moved but before my fists made contact,
something hit me from behind. My head started to ache and blood trickled down
my neck. It became increasingly difficult to stay conscious. I heard Sasuke�s voice calling me and I focused on that and
continued to fight, but I was being pushed back. My
body started to sag. I no longer had the ability to stand as my knees started
to buckle. Before I knew it, my attacker slumped down on the ground. Sasuke stood behind him. I mentally cursed my weakness and
struggled to stand. Sasuke turned around to discover
a group of ninja�s approaching us. Kakashi,
Sakura and the others were gone. The scene before us was bleak. Sasuke started to talk but I couldn�t
hear him. Then my sight blurred and I could no longer see as everything went
black.
- 3
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Hidden Heartache