Love Me When I'm Gone | By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story. |
As I walk into Tsunade’s office, Jiraiya is sitting on the edge of her desk. She is standing with her back to the window facing him. His back is to me and he ceases his conversation with her abruptly. He also cuts his train of thought short, just as abruptly.
Hello again, beautiful. He turns around and winks at me. I take it things went well after I left last night? Your lover seems quite… motivated.
You should be more careful, I scold him and narrow my eyes. That kind of game could have gotten you killed!
It was a calculated risk, he replies with cockiness in his tone.
“Ah, Mizuke,” Tsunade interrupts unknowingly. “I’m glad you stopped in. The Kazekage of Suna just came to see me recently. He seems to think you would be interested in becoming a Shinobi of the Leaf Village. What do you think about that?”
Temari gasps quietly. She is terribly confused. Why on Earth would Gaara want that?!
I don’t have time to explain it to her right now.
“Yes,” I confirm to Tsunade, “Your village has provided me with safety I haven’t known for a long time. I would be… honored if you considered me as a candidate.”
“Well,” she holds her hand up in a gesture saying to wait. “You first need to know there are many processes in place you must go through first. These include a full battery of medical exams. I would like the opportunity to go over the details with you privately.” She glances pointedly at Temari.
“Very well,” I turn to Temari, who does not like being dismissed so blatantly. “Temari, would you mind meeting up with me later? Maybe you can stop by my apartment for dinner tonight?”
“Sure,” she says with a huff. “I’ll tell the boys to join us.” She turns and leaves the office, closing the door quietly behind her.
Tsunade sits down again in her chair in a huff and I am surprised to see that she looks strained and exhausted. Her mind is tired and she is trying very hard not to think of… something.
“Did you know?” she asks me, thinking each word individually.
“Know what?” I ask genuinely confused. She stares into my eyes, calculating whether she thinks I am lying or not, but not what about.
“Why are you being so evasive with your thoughts?” I challenger her. “What is this about?”
“The baby.” She replies coldly and she lets loose on her train of thought.
Jiraiya was originally here not to tell her about my renewed relationship with Gaara… but his belief that I am pregnant! I sit down quickly in the chair Gaara had taken before. I cannot breathe. I turn to look at Jiraiya and leap into his mind. I was foolish to have sheltered myself from it before. I run through his memories, trying to find the reason for his belief.
Part of his brain is appreciating the warmth of my lips and the softness of my body… but the larger part is trying to pay attention to Gaara’s movements. He knows he was followed by Gaara… a wise move as I would have heard him coming from a long way off. Jiraiya could too but had worked to act as if he didn’t. He is hoping that this will push Gaara’s careful control into finally snapping. He remembers his possessive outburst in the Kazekage’s office in Suna.
He suddenly can’t find Gaara though… This worries him tremendously. He doesn’t want to be caught off guard. Is he blocking his chakra signature? he wonders… He scans for it with the majority of his concentration, which is astoundingly difficult when trying to make it look like he’s thoroughly enjoying my body. He runs his hand up my stomach and freezes.
What?! He internally screams, truly thankful for the first time tonight that I am not listening. That’s… not possible! Is it?
He can feel a very faint chakra signature… just below his hand. It is not purely Gaara’s, but the similarity is strong and undeniable.
Does she even know? he wonders.
I pull myself from his mind just as the sand hits him in the memory.
“That’s… not possible,” I whisper, as I feel tears build in my eyes. I turn to look at Tsunade in confusion. “That’s not possible! Gaara and I hadn’t made love again until last night! I can’t be… I can’t still be pregnant!” I am screaming but trying to keep my voice low and it breaks under the strain.
“Not even once?” she asks, also confused.
“No!” I sob. “He wouldn’t even touch me after I lost the baby! That’s why he left. This is some kind of sick joke! It has to be.”
“Mizuke,” Jiraiya scolds me softly. “You read my memories yourself. You know I cannot make that up. Gaara’s chakra is sitting in your womb one way or another. I’m not going to pretend to know what that means, but you know I’m not making this up.”
“IS it possible?!” I ask Tsunade, truly afraid of her answer.
“I’m not sure,” she says honestly. “I’ve heard of such things happening before but it’s very rare.”
“HOW!?” I choke.
“In very rare cases,” she starts with a sigh, “a woman’s body is sometimes unable to expel the child even when it attempts to. Even in those cases, the baby is usually unable to survive, because the body has expelled most of the protective lining it needs to carry the baby successfully. It is even rarer for a baby to grow to term and be born after such an incident… but it is not impossible.”
I am reeling in shock. My body feels numb, and I grip the chair with both hands as the room begins to spin. The baby could be alive?! I want this to be true so badly I could die. At the same time, I am terrified. That means I am going to die! Gaara will be furious. I remember my dream, with Gaara’s sand pulling me away from my baby by force. He… he would likely try to take the baby from me even now! And I have only just renewed his love for me! Oh God… I moan to myself, What have I done?
I feel nausea building in my throat. My face feels numb now and my ears begin to burn. I distantly realize someone is calling my name but I am falling. Strong arms catch me just as I succumb to darkness.
-----------------------------------
I start to become aware of strong arms carrying me. I open my eyes and see Jiraiya staring purposefully ahead with me clutched to his chest.
“Oh my!” I hear a woman shout as my nose is hit with the sterile smell of hospital. “What happened? Is she alright?”
“Oh, she’s fine,” Jiraiya shouts back to her. “Just got a little over excited. The Hokage offered to make her a leaf shinobi and she fainted right there on the spot! Can you believe it?”
“Oh the poor dear.” The woman’s voice is kind and concerned.
“Would you mind if I put her in a room for now?” He asks the unnamed woman. “Just until she’s back on her feet? I think the Hokage wants to run some of the standard tests anyway.”
“Of course!”
I turn to see the woman through half-closed eyelids. She has a kind face. She opens a sliding door and ushers us inside. Jiraiya sets me carefully down on the hospital bed, the way you would a sick child. The woman turns and leaves, closing the door behind her.
“I…” my voice is thick, and I can feel tears dripping down my cheeks. “What am I going to do?”
“First,” he states in a low soothing voice, “You’re going to let Tsunade run all those tests she’s been so irate about. Then we’re going to find out the truth about what’s really going on. It is still possible that the baby isn’t…” He doesn’t know how to finish his thought. It is possible the baby is alive, but not even really whole or a baby any longer. I could just be harboring lifeless cells.
I am so confused… I don’t even know what I want. I want Gaara. I want my beautiful jade-eyed, crimson-haired baby. I want to live. I want everything, and no matter what… I cannot have everything. I have to lose something. Again. Tsunade bursts through the door holding a basket of vials and needles. I start in surprise at her entrance.
“You should have let me run these tests weeks ago!” she scolds me with fury in her eyes. “We would have seen that something was wrong! Your hormones are probably all haywire!”
“Please!” I beg, suddenly desperate. I jump up and clutch my hands into her shirt front. “Tsunade, no one can know about this! No one! Please!”
“Shhh…..” she tries to calm herself and me, pressing me gently back against the mattress on the hospital bed. “No one else will know. No one knows now, except Jiraiya and myself. I will run these labs personally.”
She draws vial after vial of blood from my arm. I begin to worry that I am going to run out. Then she looks up at me, the look in her eyes severe.
“Now,” she declares. “You are going to stay here and not move until I get back. Or so help me… I will send Naruto after you!”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say with a voice full of defeat. I turn away from her and roll into my pillows. “I’m going to sleep.”
-------------------------------------
I feel a large warm hand on my face, rousing me from my sleep.
“Mizuke,” Jiraiya whispers from beside me. “Mizuke, you need to wake up now. Tsunade is back.”
I stir and turn my eyes to find her. She is wheeling a large piece of medical equipment into my room. Her arms are full of papers. She pulls the door closed behind her and turns to face me with solemn eyes.
“I would ask if you want the good news or the bad news… but I don’t know which is which,” she admits.
My face crumples and I begin to sob.
“Well… how about you tell me?” Jiraiya suggests, “Since I cannot read minds.”
“According to her blood work… she’s still pregnant. And right on schedule.” Tsunade pinches the bridge of her nose and Jiraiya sighs deeply. “By my best guess… this puts you at 10 weeks. However, that still doesn’t truly confirm anything. To really be sure, I need to try and see the baby. I need to see if it is growing properly and that’s what this machine is for.”
I cannot bring myself to say anything. I have my blanket shoved in my mouth trying to hold back my sobs. I don’t even know if I’m happy or sad. I am terrified. No matter what… I lose. All over again!
“It’s called an ultrasound,” she continues. “It will allow us to see the baby using sound waves. It will not be… comfortable. But it’s the best chance of getting our answers.”
She explains what is required for the machine, and I am embarrassed by the idea but willing to do anything for a clearer answer. She asks if I want Jiraiya to go… but I am too frightened. I decide to swallow my embarrassment, keep myself covered as much as possible, and cling to his hand like a lifeline. These two people are the only ones on Earth who know my life is ending.
The machine kicks into life, and I watch a tiny monitor light up with images I don’t understand. She is going to take images of my organs first, to ensure everything is in order there. I hear a faint rustling sound in the room and it distracts me from watching her thoughts. I look to the floor, and the dust and dirt appears to almost be stirring. The same sound is coming from the open window as soft as a bird’s wings. I turn to look and gasp when I see a hint of sand trickle over the windowsill. Fear slams into me.
“Jiraiya, shut the window!” I screech softly.
He sees the sand and slams it shut quickly. “Is Gaara watching us?” he asks, worried that we were too late.
I scan for him and find him quickly. He is sitting in my apartment with Kankuro and Temari. He is explaining his plan to them. He is not even looking for me.
“No,” I reply, confused. “He is back in my apartment. Jiraiya… he didn’t move that sand…”
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