Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Soup's On	By : OfFansAndFlames Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1793 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters mentioned. I make no money on this fiction.

Chapter List
- 36
- 37
- 38
No wonder there was such a pile up.
"Smell that?" Juugo asked.
"Yeah. There must be a fire somewhere."
"Shit, I hope everyone's okay…"
Sasuke frowned. His neighborhood was a tight community, one of those places where everyone seemed to know everyone else (and everyone else's business). Sasuke had lived here his entire life, and if any of his neighbors were his age, they had likely been a member of the community's ragtag gang of grade schoolers right along with Sasuke.
"Me too."
That explained why his mom had been late to pick him up. How could she get anywhere through all of this chaos? Still, it didn't explain why neither of his parents had answered their phone. Why wouldn't his mom call him if something like this happened? Sasuke reassured himself that there were many, many houses nearby and a lot of area in between. He just hoped that all of his neighbors were alright, even if the same could not be said for their houses.
The car was still for another five minutes. The sky glowed a slight bit of orange in the distance, the light fogged by smoke and clouds. Of course, everything was likely fine. All the same…
"I'm going to try to walk to my house and see what's up. Sorry to drag you out into all of this."
"Okay…"Juugo answered indecisively. Something appeared to be bothering him. "Look, I'm going to park. You go walk to your house. I'll join up with you once I get the car out of this to make sure everything's okay."
Navigating around all of these honking cars and blinding headlights was definitely going to take some time. Juugo seemed worried. Was he overreacting? It was probably a brush fire, certainly no rarity in southern California. And even if something important had caught fire, this was a congested area. What were the chances that his house would be the one? He was sure his parents were just distracted…right? Sasuke nodded.
"Thanks, Juugo."
Sasuke walked through the lanes onto the sidewalk, approaching his street. Smoke. His eyes and throat were beginning to sting. Why was it getting stronger as he approached his home? Why weren't his parents answering their phones? Why hadn't his mom picked him up? Before, Sasuke had merely wondered, but now he worried.
He quickened his pace, walking briskly now. Faster. He turned onto the main street. A deadly black spire of smoke invaded the atmosphere. That…It must've been his imagination. Rows of homes blocked the actual site of the fire, but... It looked like it was coming from his house.
Sasuke abandoned any sense of composure and sprinted towards the source, his deep breath catching as the sole of his Converse sprung against the ground. He knew everything would be just as it always was when he found his home. The same offwhite stucco and well-manicured grass, the dimly lit rooms perhaps punctuated by their television… Perhaps his mother was standing by the garage right now, impatiently wondering when she could finally pick up her son. He had to prove all the doubts nagging at his heart wrong, because they were nearing unbearable.
He tried not to cough as he panted in the hot and toxic air, his face soaked by the violent burning and his shirt dampened with sweat. The snaps and cracks of the fire grew louder. His neighbors waited out on the sidewalks, staring towards the menacing black column. One cast Sasuke a glance, eyes full of sympathy. What the hell was going on?
Faster, carelessly frantic, vulnerable to an impressive fall should the sidewalk offer any unwelcome surprises, he continued. His legs extended widely with each stride, several generous feet between each footstep. His arms moved counter to his legs, bangs blown back in the wind to expose his bare face to the night's unnatural warmth. No, this was impossible. There was just no way… This couldn't happen, not to his house, not to his family.
He could see it now. His house was totally engulfed by flames. The left half of the top floor had gone completely. And then there was a loud boom as the living room crashed in upon itself, wood, plaster, and tile blending together into worthless soot. Just hours ago, that had been the very same door he'd stormed out of, his cat locked behind him. It was nothing now. Shit… He'd trapped Ferret in the house. Maybe someone had let her out though. Hopefully his parents had…
Wait… His parents?
After that thought announced itself, Sasuke no longer was present. He stared dully at the scene of his house roaring and decaying, his arms slumped at his sides as his neck craned upward. This could have been a television show, or a dream… Certainly nothing real, happening just in front of his face. His eyes burned and watered, unfocused. His cheeks smarted from the heat of the flame. His chest had lost its substance and was hard and hollow.
A yell from a man in yellow snapped Sasuke back into reality. The firefighters hosed down the area, and he was standing in front of his neighbor's house now, caution tape forbidding him to proceed farther. Nevertheless, he ran underneath it. His own safety meant nothing to him. He sprinted to the first firefighter he could find.
"Get back!" the man shouted, covered in soot. It was black out, but Sasuke could make out the man's face in the light of the fire.
"A man and a woman were in there. Where are they?"
The man stared at him as his jaw hung open.
"Answer me!" Sasuke commanded urgently.
There was a police car. Sasuke hadn't noticed them. He also hadn't noticed that all of his neighbors were staring at him. A cop started to pull Sasuke back, but Sasuke threw the hands on his shoulder off decisively. But another police officer had come, and he was being pulled back now.
"It's too late," she whispered, her uniform tinged lightly with soot and her hair in a neat pony tail.
Sasuke stared in awe, too confused by the statement to offer more resistance, just absently following. His chest hurt, horribly, tightening so that he could hardly breathe, yet he still walked. His fingers had gone numb completely, or perhaps his body had just stopped caring about them.
"Where are my parents?" he asked, his voice far off and small.
The woman lost several seconds to what appeared to be heartache, staring at Sasuke with her brows knit.
"Sit down."
She tried to lead him to sit on the hood of the police car. Sasuke swatted her hand away.
"Just tell me already!"
Too late? Too late for what? He wouldn't take her word for it. There had to be something he could do, in which case every second might be pivotal. She sighed.
"The man and women you spoke of… Those are your parents, right?"
"Yes."
"Was there anyone else in the house?"
Sasuke shook his head.
"No… Well, there was a cat too, if that counts."
The woman nodded.
"We didn't find a cat. But there were a man and woman in the house, as you say."
Sasuke's stomach lurched. They'd been home.
"Neighbors told us that there was a mild smell of smoke, then just seconds later, an explosion. Your mother was trapped in there. She didn't suffer; she…"
Sasuke's brows knit together, staring at the woman with his mouth agape.
"She died of smoke inhalation."
His breath threatened to race off just as he had through those streets, acting independently. But Sasuke silenced himself. If he lost his composure, there was no telling how much time he'd waste listening to this woman pussyfoot around the truth.
"Your father was critically injured. He's currently in the ICU at Las Haciendas."
"Oh my god," spoke a familiar and deep voice behind him, winded.
Juugo bent over, leaning against his thighs as he caught his breath and stared at the scene wide-eyed. He'd mirrored Sasuke's pace, starting with a brisk worry and galloping down the road towards the end. He'd missed most of Sasuke's conversation with the police officer, but he had heard the cop's last sentence.
"Sasuke…"
"I need a ride," Sasuke interrupted.
"Are you o…"
"Juugo," Sasuke insisted, his voice quaking, "I need a ride."
"Okay," Juugo answered obediently.
"Wait," the police officer said. "We can't let you out of our custody. We have to check you for shock, then I can drive you. You're a minor, and you've just had a nasty…"
But as the woman reached for him, Sasuke ripped away. No. There was no time for this. Juugo sprinted with Sasuke towards the car, Sasuke following closely behind and dashing ahead once he caught sight of it. Juugo was forced to park four blocks away, but this had fortunately gotten them out of most of the traffic. The two boys sprinted together, neither offering the other so much as a glance. Finally, someone who understood the need for urgency. A split second after Sasuke had slammed his door shut, Juugo jumped into his seat and slammed the door with his left hand while he started the ignition with his right. Juugo hammered down the gas, the topheavy truck tearing down the highway like a bullet.
They hadn't even been driving for a full minute until Sasuke realized that in his rush, he was forgetting something very important: Itachi had to know. Normally, he would've dreaded making a call like this to his brother, having to inform them that their mother had died and their father's survival was by no means a guarantee, with his friend overhearing the entire conversation no less. Yet he was too distracted to ponder this, and there was no time for privacy.
"Hey Sasuke," Itachi's voice came over the phone with a laugh, and Sasuke could hear a female guffawing along with some top 40 song. "I'm kinda at a party here. You need something?"
"Come home."
Sasuke's voice was strangely unfrazzled, yet urgent. Itachi's bravado wavered as he paused.
"Sasuke, I'm two hours away. You know, up in the mountains?"
"I don't care. Come home as fast as you can."
"Sasuke…" Itachi paused, his concern now evident. "What's wrong?"
"There was an accident."
It was an awfully unoriginal way to put it, but he really didn't know what else to say. Even coming from his own mouth, it sounded unreal and oddly composed.
"What do you mean? What kind of accident?"
"The house caught fire."
"Oh my god. How did it…"
There was no time for the details. He'd wanted to prepare Itachi for this news better, but he knew that in this situation, Itachi would prefer brevity.
"Itachi, listen to me. I don't know how or why, but the house is destroyed, and Mom didn't make it."
Silence.
"…What?"
"Mom's dead, Itachi. Dad's alive, but he's badly injured."
Still silence, other than the continued laughing of Itachi's classmates in the background.
"You have to hurry home. I don't know how serious the…"
"Las Haciendas?" Itachi interrupted, his voice cracking slightly.
Clearly, the two were related.
"Yeah."
"I'm on my way right now. See you in an hour."
Click.
Sasuke had no idea how his brother was going to get all the way from his mountain retreat, eighty miles away and high in windy mountain trails, to Las Haciendas in an hour. But he prayed, for Itachi's sake, his own sake, and his father's sake, that Itachi could manage it. The air again went silent as Juugo's car ripped down the street.
"Sasuke, I'm so sorry…" Juugo mumbled, his voice in pained shock. A tear brimmed at Juugo's eye as he glanced over at Sasuke, sniffing as he wiped it away with thick and slightly oversized fingers. Juugo feared for Sasuke, but he also had his own memories of Sasuke's parents. As large and tough as Juugo could appear, Sasuke knew that he had a big heart.
"Just drive."
They'd arrived. Already? He didn't know whether to be relieved or afraid.
"Want me to come in with you?"
"No, I'm fine. You should go home. It's a school night."
Juugo frowned, and they both knew that this was only an excuse. Sasuke needed his privacy, but Juugo could hardly stand to leave him there.
"Call me if you need anything, okay Sasuke? I don't care if it's four in the morning; you call me."
Sasuke nodded, standing now as his blood pressure plummeted. The change in elevation caused everything to sink away, and it was so much more difficult to live in the moment on his feet. He moved from one location to the next, meaningless lights, sounds, and other sensory stimuli bouncing off of him. The hospital's logo, blue and glaringly bright against the black night… He was walking. Where was he going? What was happening? Someone was offering a wheelchair to him. Why? People seemed to be talking to him.
"Can you walk?"
Why would he be unable to walk?
"Are you going to faint?" the voice echoed, a faraway nurse holding his arm to steady him.
Why would he faint?
The image of his living room collapsing resurrected itself, and all the haphazard color of the world around him seemed to return. Right, his house… His father. If he didn't get his act together, he might never see him again.
And then, as nurses padded his expectations, he learned how to speak once again. He mechanically accepted the truth now, as it was the only way to convince these senseless automatons to take him to his father. His home was gone, along with most everything he had ever owned. His mother was dead, and his father wasn't much better off.
"His condition is very critical."
"I understand."
"He's in a lot of pain and is heavily medicated. He might not be capable of coherent conversation."
"I understand."
"He's not going to look the same. There's been a lot of permanent damage."
"I understand."
"He might not survive the night."
"Take me to him. Immediately."
The nurse gaped at the boy, surprised that Sasuke could convey composure, confidence, and authority so far beyond his years, even at such a time. She nodded, walking with Sasuke down the halls. He passed other rooms, partially opened, but Sasuke ignored the contents. His heart thudded painfully as he reached the door he had been told to expect. His hands were cold, sweaty, and shaky, but his face held its shape. This had been all that Sasuke wanted from the second he'd been told the truth: just to see his father. So why did he feel like running away now? He swallowed hard, a hundred images of what his father might look like zipping behind his eyes. He turned the door's handle and pushed, slowly. The door gently eased open as Sasuke stepped forward, and…
Machines beeped and hissed. A voice called a doctor over the PA. Footsteps filled the hallway behind him, some rushed, some reluctant, and others lethargic. Nurses read charts, a maintenance man checked a machine in the adjacent room, and a doctor spoke into a tape recorder in monotone. Everyone had somewhere to go or something to do, but Sasuke could only stand and stare.
His father took several long seconds to comprehend the presence of another person in the room.
"S'suke?" his father asked, so quietly that Sasuke could hardly hear. "Is that you?"
Valuable time passed as Sasuke's voice forsook him. What should he do? He wondered if he should sit besides his father and hold his hand, but one of his hands was gone now, and the other was so jumbled with tubes and needles that Sasuke feared injuring him. His father's useless stump of an arm was covered in reddened bandages, and a large portion of his father's face and skull were gauzed up. Sasuke couldn't see the damage to his father's abdomen and legs, but maybe that was for the best.
But his father had spoken, right? It had been delayed and distorted, but that came as no surprise. Even if he had become deformed, lost his arm, and suffered untold other damage, at least his mind was still right… for the most part. And that meant one hell of a lot.
"Sasuke?" his father called out, more clearly this time.
"Dad…"
It qualified as an answer, right? Hell, what else could he say? He'd never seen something so horrible before, and it took all of his pride and confidence right out of him. He was humbled by the unspeakable weight of reality. He'd played so brave before, but now he was afraid.
"'M so happy you're here."
"How bad is the pain?" Sasuke asked timidly.
His father merely grunted, as Sasuke should have expected.
Sasuke didn't know why his mind changed tracks so quickly, whether it masochistically wanted to torture him or really was just overloaded and randomly jumping about. But now he remembered his most recent conversation with his father, just hours ago. He remembered the look on his father's face when Sasuke had slammed the door, his now deceased mother staring at the scene in shock.
"Dad, what I said earlier… I'm really, really so-"
But his dad was laughing now, weakly.
"Y'know, sometimes it takes things like this… Duh'n't it seem silly now?"
"I guess," Sasuke replied softly.
"Don't apologize."
"But Dad…"
"If it hadn't happened, you'd 've ended up like your mother 'n me," Fugaku interrupted, his eyes falling down to his maimed arm but quickly refocusing on Sasuke's face. It was true. That argument was likely the only reason he was still alive.
"I didn't mean it."
"I know, S'suke," his father answered slowly. "So proud of you. I'm not just sayin' this cuz of the circumstance…" his father tilted his head to the equipment near his head, "Heh, or all the morphine. I really mean it. 'M lucky to have you as a son."
Sasuke rubbed the skin between his eyes, willing himself not to cry as he quickly ridded any telltale hints of moisture. He had to be strong right now. His next words were difficult, his tightening throat threatening to choke them off before they could leave his mouth.
"Dad, I… Itachi and I will take care of you, no matter what. Trust me, we'll make it work. Itachi is brilliant, and…"
"You're brilliant too, Sasuke."
"I know," Sasuke responded confidently.
Fugaku chuckled for just a moment. How typical of his son, even at such a time. He couldn't express how lucky he felt to have him here.
"But still, you'll have 'ta mind your brother now...even if he's not much older…"
What was his father getting at? He wasn't giving up, was he? Sasuke wouldn't allow it.
"Dad, please don't say things like that."
A long, quiet breath escaped his father. His heart rate shot up, and his eyelids flitted. The machines began to beep hurriedly, a fearful cacophony conquering the room.
"Dad?" Sasuke called, frightened. "Dad!"
Fugaku started, as if jerked out of a slumber.
"Huh?"
"Dad, stay awake," Sasuke implored, his voice cracking. He bit the inside of his lip so hard it nearly bled, as he saw no other way to prevent the tears threatening to fall. What had just happened to his father? "I know you're in pain, but please don't fall asleep."
"Promise me that you'll be strong, and keep your head on straight. You got a lotta challenges ahead."
"It's not necessary to say things like…"
"Sasuke," Fugaku ordered firmly, in that tone Sasuke couldn't help but obey.
"I promise."
"Alright. Now go so you can greet your brother when he gets here."
Sasuke hesitated. He didn't want to leave his father's side. He didn't want to admit that if he left now, he might never speak to him again.
"Okay, but you need to be awake when he comes back here."
What Sasuke really meant by "awake" was no secret to either of them.
"…It'd be rude otherwise," Sasuke finished awkwardly.
Yet Fugaku merely smirked.
Sasuke turned, his palms covered in sweat now, but he stopped before leaving the room.
"I love you, okay Dad?"
He spoke quietly. Sasuke didn't believe in saying these things unless he was telling someone something new. But perhaps this was something his father had forgotten, and Sasuke didn't know how many more chances he'd have to remind him. He didn't want to live with that kind of remorse. As awkward and small as the words sounded leaving his mouth, he couldn't regret them.
"I know," Fugaku responded, repeating Sasuke's exact response to Fugaku's earlier compliment.
Fugaku was smiling at Sasuke now, his lips quaking. It seemed as though it had taken so much of his strength. Fugaku could count on his son to understand what he really meant by that comment. Sasuke didn't need his father to directly affirm their relationship. He understood his father, because if Sasuke had been in his situation, he likely would've said the same thing. No matter how often they clashed, in some ways the two of them were very similar. Perhaps that had been part of the problem to begin with. One was every bit as stubborn as the other.
Sasuke had never seen his father so close to tears before, and the freshman wondered if even he could've avoided crying at such a time. His dad was sure to be in horrible pain, but aside from that… His wife had died, and perhaps he would too. Why did he seem so unafraid? How could he be so strong?
Sasuke couldn't leave. It seemed so wrong to turn away. Perhaps he was being greedy, but if his father's time really was limited, he wanted every last second.
"Go ahead now, Sasuke."
Why did his father want him to leave? Was he too tired to talk to him? Was he embarrassed of the way he looked? Or perhaps there were things that Fugaku didn't want him to have to see. Regardless, if this was his father's wish, he'd reluctantly obey. He stared at his father, realizing now how much he'd taken for granted the limited time they'd shared over his life.
"I'll be back with Itachi in a few minutes. Stay up."
And though it was one of the last things in the world he wanted to do, Sasuke closed the door.
This was the story Sasuke told Naruto as they respectfully inhabited the plot where Sasuke's house had once stood. Of course, Sasuke found it prudent to substantially water down the details to avoid the situation being any more painfully awkward as well as to keep his own composure. Still, it was enough to leave Naruto open jawed, staring towards Sasuke empathetically.
Sasuke had never expected the day to go like this. Naruto piqued his curiosity when he told Sasuke that his coworker mentioned a mansion being built in Sasuke's old neighborhood. Sasuke had heard about home values increasing over the past few months, but mansions? The ever-skeptical Sasuke would have to see it to believe it. So Sasuke had accepted Naruto's invitation to see "the new crib" with him.
Yet Naruto was right, the impressive structure on the opposite side of the cul de sac nearly finished. It appeared that his boyhood neighborhood was getting pretty damned classy. Naruto gandered at the real estate with unadulterated wonder, though Sasuke was far too cool to gawk, of course. Regardless, it was interesting to see the neighborhood. It had changed, but, aside from the out of place mansion, not by much. Though he wasn't sure what he had expected after only a year. Yes, it had been interesting, but now, as a mild anxiety began to make itself known in Sasuke's chest without notice, he decided he'd had enough time to reminisce.
"Sasuke, where did you use to live?" Naruto asked, as if somehow able to read his thoughts.
Sasuke paused, finding it difficult to speak for the quick second it took for Naruto to correct himself.
"Never mind," he added nervously, scarred cheeks lightly blushing. "You don't have to show me if it's too tough. Sorry, I wasn't thinking."
"Of course not," Sasuke answered, now finding it necessary to prove that nothing was "too tough" for him. "I can show you."
After all, how difficult could it be? The thing was leveled, so what was there to say? Exhibit A: where my bike crashed and I got that nasty scar on my knee, Exhibit B: Itachi's favorite playground, and Exhibit C: bigass plot of dirt.
Yet what Sasuke had expected to be a thirty second tour became a heavy conversation. With enough encouragement from Naruto, Sasuke began to remember and began to speak. Sasuke wondered if this had been Naruto's plan to begin with but didn't bother to figure it out. He was glad Naruto was here with him to keep his mind from wandering too far. There was no telling what he could have put himself through.
The sky was crowded with clouds, and the breeze had a bite to it. Naruto sat on a dried up tree stump in Sasuke's former backyard, and Sasuke rested on the ground. It was too difficult to look at Naruto directly, so he pulled out blades of recuperating grass one by one as he spoke, just for an excuse to stare at the ground. Sasuke suspected that the vegetation had begun to recover last spring, though he had no way of knowing for sure. After the day of the fire, he'd never gone back. There was nothing here for him now.
Itachi went back to salvage some possessions, but all he found were the family's birth certificates and social security cards, which had been kept in a safe in the basement. Sasuke tried to save Itachi the trouble, insisting that everything had been destroyed, but he suspected that Itachi had other reasons for returning as well. After all, Itachi lacked closure. For him, he just left for a party, and when he came back, everything was gone. It still felt unreal to Itachi, but to Sasuke it was all far, far too intimate. Itachi invited Sasuke to join numerous times, but Sasuke always had some excuse to avoid it. Eventually, Itachi had to go without him.
Perhaps this is what Naruto had meant when he told Sasuke that he needed to "deal with" his past. Naruto said that he couldn't run away forever, and it was true that the past still crippled him. Otherwise, Sasuke wouldn't have found it worth the effort. He had wondered how facing such a thing might be possible, but perhaps it could be accounted for by even little decisions, like the one he had just made.
"So, did your brother make it in time?" Naruto asked quietly.
Sasuke shook his head, frowning deeply.
"No. Dad was dead not even fifteen minutes after I left the room."
Itachi had never gotten to see their father, and Sasuke told Itachi very little about the fire or its aftermath. Itachi had no final words with his parents. As much as Sasuke knew this tortured his brother, he wondered if some things were better left unseen. Sasuke knew that those sorts of things tend to stick in your skull, haunting you at their own discretion. Sasuke hated the nightmares and the flashbacks he had following the fire. When he felt especially weak, he sometimes wished that he'd been too late as well, that he'd spent the night at Juugo's and found out the next morning. Naruto inhaled deeply and gave a long exhale, finding the heavy mood almost painful.
"Shit, Sasuke…"
What else could Sasuke do but shrug? Yeah, it was a messed up thing to happen. That much was obvious. But Sasuke didn't want pity, and that was no secret between them.
"Oh my god…" Naruto said, as if he'd had a sudden realization.
"Hm?"
Naruto's mind traced over the second time he had spoken to Sasuke. His brother had been late to pick him up. Sasuke had tried to call him, but no luck. It sounded awfully familiar.
He'd dismissed Sasuke as intriguing, but, nonetheless, pampered and sheltered. That day, he thought Sasuke was just overreacting and creating his own problems. He never would have guessed what lay behind his behavior.
"When we met…and your brother was late. I understand why you were upset now."
Sasuke frowned, wishing that Naruto hadn't remembered that. It had only been chance that Naruto had been present at such a time; Sasuke would have never revealed so much to a stranger under any other circumstance.
"You still remember that?"
"And then I called you weird! Holy shit, I am a horrible person!"
Sasuke snickered, quietly amused by Naruto's reaction.
"I don't even remember you saying that."
This was a lie, but in all honesty, the "insult" never bothered him.
"It's official. I'm going to hell."
"So, do I go to hell for all the times I've pointed out your weirdness?" Sasuke teased.
"Hmmm…" Naruto answered, squinting his eyes at Sasuke in thought. Sasuke seemed distracted by something, tilting his head as he stood and walked towards a large rock. Naruto watched him curiously.
"Well damn…" Sasuke said, staring down at it with a slightly smirk. It was still there?
"What's that?"
"It's Mr. Squooble's gravestone."
Naruto dramatically arched a brow, staring at Sasuke in confusion.
"Who's Mr. Squooble?"
"He was my first hamster. The one my brother murdered," he replied with a hint of dry humor.
"Where'd ya get the name Mr. Squooble from?"
"He'd run on his hamster wheel all day, and I thought that the squeaking of the wheel sounded like someone saying 'squooble.' So I named him Mr. Squooble."
Naruto made some sort of odd noise between a croak and a squeal, having a hard time containing himself now.
"Oh my god, Sasuke, that's adorable."
Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"Shut it, I was four years old."
"Even cuter!"
The raven groaned as Naruto looked down at the headstone with a frown. There was a yellow flower that had been growing there, but someone or something must've uprooted it. Other than that, it was only sparse blades of grass. Naruto picked it up.
"Aw, there was a flower growing here?"
Sasuke leaned away as Naruto held it up, holding the flower by its stem and roots. It did seem a shame that the only flower growing in this desolate plot of dirt had met such an untimely demise.
"Look, it was a big one too," Naruto continued, showing it to Sasuke now.
Sasuke took a full step away.
"What's wrong?"
"It's gross."
Naruto looked at Sasuke dryly, wondering what exactly he was going on about.
"But… It's just an uprooted flower. How's that gross? Is it because it's going to die?"
Sasuke shook his head, sighing. Did he really need to explain this?
"No, it's the roots. They look like…they'd suck at you or something."
Naruto gave him a look.
"What?" Sasuke asked rather demandingly. "Don't you ever think that plant roots are disgusting?"
"Uh… No?"
Sasuke merely crossed his arms, still edging away from the flower.
"Wait a second…" Naruto stopped, grinning evilly as he finally comprehended the situation. "You're afraid of this?"
Sasuke, afraid of something? Did he have a phobia? That was something new.
"I'm not afraid of it," Sasuke corrected. "It's just unsightly."
Oh, this was a priceless opportunity.
"So then you wouldn't mind if I did this!"
Naruto shoved the dead vegetation towards Sasuke's face. Sasuke struck Naruto's hand away, only for Naruto to let go of the plant in shock. The flower, roots first, arched upwards in the air elegantly before falling directly onto Sasuke's chest.
"Agh!" Sasuke interjected, a little more loudly and urgently than he'd intended.
The way he chucked the flower off of his body to the opposite side of the plot would have made his school's varsity volleyball team jealous. Naruto, meanwhile, erupted into laughter.
"Dude! You're afraid of a flower! A fucking flower!"
Naruto basked in the hilarity of the situation until Sasuke's fist collided with Naruto's bicep. Naruto responded with like enthusiasm, and the next thing Sasuke could remember was toppling Naruto to the ground, the blond cackling the entire way down.
They rolled around each other, each struggling to pin the other with frustrated grunts and challenging glares. Sasuke was sure he'd seen someone stare, but he didn't care about that at the moment, even himself fighting the temptation to smile.
One year ago, something had happened at this very spot that changed him forever, that scarred him and haunted him. This is where the accident that killed both his parents occurred, where his mother had actually been suffocated to death. This spot of land had consumed his nightmares. And despite how many times he'd been pressured to share these memories with social workers who treated him like a toddler and psychiatrists with horrible combovers, until today, he had trapped everything in his own mind, where it had festered in the dark.
Yet here he was with his lover (a male no less, who saw that coming?) wrestling each other on this very same plot over the sounds of laughter and swear words. As distracted as he was by this imbecile's hands smashing into his face, he couldn't help but be impressed by how much one's life could change. And as pointless as today seemed, for whatever reason, Sasuke felt like he'd surrendered a small chunk of his burden.
Sasuke tumbled on top of Naruto, holding him down as Naruto laughed and tried to tug Sasuke off by his hair. Sasuke looked up, noting an old man in a maroon cardigan limping towards him. Sasuke knew that he was passing by his Sasuke's house, on the way to his own.
"Shit," Sasuke hissed quietly. "I know that guy."
"Pffft," Naruto snorted, only to get a boney elbow to the stomach.
The man stood in front of them now, the right side of his hair unkempt. The white strands were too thin to withstand the aggressive December breeze.
"Hello, Sasuke," the man said, staring down at the debacle in confusion as he stood on the sidewalk. He arched a brow at the two boys, who had stopped sparring and were merely lying on each other awkwardly.
"Hello, Mr. Wagner," Sasuke answered, not sounding the least bit embarrassed. It wasn't Sasuke's tradition to address others like this, but in the history of his contact with Mr. Wagner, he had never spoken to him any other way.
Sasuke and Naruto now freed themselves from each other, sitting apart now.
"I haven't seen you around here in a while."
Sasuke knew what he was getting at. He never knew Mr. Wagner all that well, besides the times that he would babysit Sasuke when his wife was still alive. But Mr. Wagner knew what happened, obviously; everyone in the neighborhood did.
"I haven't had a reason to come back, honestly," Sasuke admitted.
Mr. Wagner nodded silently. He remembered, long ago, when his mother told him that Mrs. Wagner had died. At only seven years old, Sasuke had insisted on bringing Mr. Wagner every single cookie his mother had baked for him that day. ("He needs all of them, Mom! Now is not the time to be selfish!") He'd always thought that of his old neighbors, if it came to an issue like this, Mr. Wagner would be one of the most understanding.
"Well… Tell me if you need anything. You know where I live."
"Will do," Sasuke responded, curtly but respectfully.
They waited in silence as the man hobbled past, Sasuke greatly appreciating the man's briskness. Naruto waited until he was out of earshot before he decided to tease Sasuke again.
"'Hello, Mr. Wagner,'" Naruto imitated, using the best nerd voice he could muster.
"Cram it, dumbass," Sasuke answered, yanking on Naruto's ear.
"Ow!" Naruto shouted, pushing Sasuke off and nursing the sensitive cartilage.
They were silent enough for the mood to change, just slightly.
"Hey, Sasuke…"
"Mn?"
"Do you ever talk to any of your old neighbors?"
Sasuke shook his head. Now that he thought of it, it was a little odd, considering how much time he used to spend with them. He used to have four or five good friends here, but after the fire, he fell out of contact with all of them. Three had even left him voicemails checking up on him, but he'd been too overwhelmed at the time to call them back. He'd procrastinated for months, and after enough time had passed, he figured that there was no point anymore.
"No."
It was difficult to speak with his old neighbors, because he associated them so closely with his home and family. They had known each other since early childhood. His mom had even babysat them. No wonder it was painful. That might have provided enough of an excuse, but it wasn't only his old neighbors he'd distanced himself from.
"They sound pretty cool, or at least that old guy did just now. And your friend too."
Thinking about all of this again reminded him of how close he used to be to his friends, especially Juugo and Sakura. It felt strange to know that so recently, he'd vented even something as silly as a family squabble to two different people with almost no encouragement. He spoke to these people almost every day. He realized now how drastically he had distanced himself from both of them.
In Sakura's case, that, combined with Sasuke's darkening personality and delinquent tendencies, caused them to part for good, and not on the best of terms. Juugo and he still hung out, but their friendship was nothing like it used to be. Basically, they stuck to casual topics of conversation in public settings. They never went to each other's houses anymore. Sasuke only socialized in large groups, almost never spending time with anyone alone. That could get demanding, and it made him feel far too open. Whom had he kept close, anyhow? All of his friends had become acquaintances.
The main exceptions: his brother, of course, and the guy beside him. How had Naruto found his way in just when he was pushing everyone else out?
"I wonder if I could meet him one day."
Sasuke nodded. The thought of Naruto meeting his friends felt strange, since none of them had a clue Naruto even existed. Yet another secret he was keeping from his clique. But things were going to change soon, and he had no bets for the future.
He reached into his back pocket for a pack of cigarettes that Juugo had given him last week. He felt some odd sort of resolution and introspection that he felt deserved a cigarette, and speaking of Juugo had reminded Sasuke of their presence. He frowned as he noticed that at least four cigarettes had been broken in their scuffle, holding one of the few intact ones between his lips as he reached for his lighter. But Naruto swiped it out of his mouth before he could get a light.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I was trying to light a cigarette," Sasuke said matter-of-factly.
"What the…" Naruto waved it in the air. "I seem to hear something."
Naruto stopped, placing a hand on his ear and straining to hear some imaginary noise.
"Oh, hello! That's the sound of lung cancer!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"Naruto, I'm not a smoker. You would've smelled it on me by now."
"Eh…" Naruto answered skeptically. Even if Sasuke hadn't smoked before today, no one plans on getting addicted.
"It's rare, maybe a couple times a month. So don't throw a fit."
"Wait, you've smoked cigarettes before?"
Sasuke arched a brow nonchalantly.
"Did you think this was my first time or something?"
"What the… How did I not know this?!"
"You never asked."
"Jeeez, first I find out you're all pro at basketball, now you're smoking a cigarette, and gah, too much, Sasuke. Who are you?"
"Calm down, spazzoid," Sasuke answered.
Naruto scowled, handing the cigarette back begrudgingly. He stared at Sasuke as he lit the cigarette with a couple short puffs. He took a deep hit and blew the smoke in the direction of the wind, trying to save Naruto from a face full of smoke. He finally looked back at Naruto and inhaled again, getting sick of his staring.
"What?" he asked, breathing out a stream of warm smoke into the cool December air.
Naruto couldn't help but stare… The sight of Sasuke smoking was just too weird! His mind had never put Sasuke and cigarettes together, though considering what occupation Sasuke had been taking up lately, maybe it shouldn't have been surprising. He hated smoking, sincerely. It was unhealthy and tacky. But he couldn't admit that he thought Sasuke looked a little cool with a cigarette between his lips, like in the movies or something. Dammit, what couldn't that bastard make look good?
"Nothing."
The blond shrugged but continued to watch him closely. Smoking was taboo for people their age. Taboo, deadly, and…he was horribly curious. It's not like he wanted to develop a habit, but… What could one hit hurt? Just to say he'd tried it? But Sasuke was staring at him impatiently, flicking some ash into the dirt with this thumb.
"Hey, do you think I could try it?"
So it wasn't nothing. Sasuke's right brow inched up.
"You want to smoke?"
"No, not really… I just wanna take one puff! To see what it's like."
"Maybe when you're older."
This caused a squawking sound to erupt from the blond, who looked ready to choke on his own spit as he flailed around.
"What the hell?! I'm older than you are!"
Sasuke merely smirked, used to such a reaction by now, but finding it no less amusing. He hadn't actually meant it; he just wanted to find a new way to get under Naruto's skin.
"One cigarette. If you get addicted to these things, I am beating your ass in. I won't be responsible for a habit," Sasuke stated, handing over the smoke.
Naruto stared at the burning tobacco cancer stick. He felt like a little bit of a hypocrite, but it's not like he was going to do it regularly. Still, he felt so nervous. Why? It was just a cigarette! And of course Sasuke had to be here, staring at him all smugly. He was smirking now… Dammit, Sasuke could tell he was hesitating!
Staring at Sasuke challengingly, Naruto took a long drag from the cigarette. There. That would show him!
Wait… Oh god, this stuff was foul. It seemed to expand in his throat, scraping and irritating it. He couldn't inhale. His throat pushed back up, and Naruto held his breath to avoid any coughs. He wouldn't do it, not in front of Sasuke. He just sat with the cigarette between his lips, the smoke burning his eyes.
But the more he fought his lungs, the more insistent they became, and the next second Naruto was hacking, the cigarette falling out of his mouth and onto the ground. He bent over, his face reddening as he gagged, his body threatening to wretch.
When he finally caught his breath, he looked over at Sasuke reluctantly. The bastard was smirking at him.
"Shut up! You…"
But apparently Naruto's throat wasn't ready for shouting, the blond once again descending into body-wracking coughs. Sasuke just watched and shook his head.
"Sasuke! How the hell can you actually enjoy this?"
"The buzz is nice. You know, if you can actually keep a breath down."
A small stream of smoke was wafting up into the air.
"Shit!" Naruto shouted.
He bent over, quickly grabbing the still lit cigarette and putting it out. What could Naruto had been afraid of? There was nothing to catch fire here.
"Chill. You act like you're gonna burn a house down or something," Sasuke told Naruto with a straight face.
"Well, it's not good to leave a burning cigarette… Wait a second."
Sasuke rolled his eyes, taking out another cigarette and lighting it. He had wondered if the comment would go over Naruto's head altogether.
"Oh my god! Sasuke, the master of dark humor. My disciple surpasses me!"
"Disciple?" he asked, taking another puff. "More like you've contaminated me."
"Defiled…" Naruto waited before adding with a devilish grin, "Deflowered."
"Says the dumbass who begged for me the other night."
"Hah! Hardly!"
A loud chime sounded, informing Sasuke that he'd just received a text message. Pulling it from his snug jean pocket, he unlocked his phone and began thumbing back a response without much thought. Just another acquaintance wondering "wats ^." Was "^" supposed to stand for "up"? God, people could be so dull.
As he returned to his inbox to check for any other new messages (apparently there were two), he pulled the cigarette from his mouth, flicking some of the ash into the dirt absentmindedly.
"You know… I never deleted the texts from that night."
"Huh?" Naruto answered, too distracted by their previous conversation to change tracks so quickly. "Oh…" he added, finally understanding.
Naruto recounted the day he had combed through Sasuke's cell phone, ultimately sending some rather incriminating text messages to a female friend of his. He remembered seeing a set of messages from who he had assumed was Sasuke's mother. At the time, he had not even known that Sasuke's parents were gone, so he had no real reason to pay them much attention. Even if he had remembered after he knew the fate of Sasuke's parents, he had no reason to think that these messages were anything out of the ordinary. He only recalled several of them, but Naruto swallowed hard as the fact hit him: the messages he had unwittingly read were Sasuke's last communication with his mother. He felt guilty for invading Sasuke's privacy, yet honored that Sasuke would willingly share this with him to begin with.
Meanwhile, Sasuke took an especially long drag, regretting that he'd admitted this. Not enough nicotine…
"Doesn't it… Isn't it difficult to see that? I mean you must see it when you go through your messages, right?"
As he had sat beside Naruto in front of St. Magdalene's that night, his brother far too late… He had scrolled through the phone first to check for a text from his brother before he decided to worry. He'd allowed himself to linger over a certain one: September 27, 4;01 pm.
"Your father and I love you very much. Be safe."
In fact, he tended to linger over that a little too often… At least when he wasn't so eager to avoid it that he wouldn't even scroll his inbox past November, lest his thumb prove overzealous. It seemed to be either one extreme or the other.
Two weeks after the accident, he had stared at the message a couple hours before sunrise, a little overdrugged and sedated thanks to a new medication regimen his quack of a shrink had been so keen on. His thumbs clumsily tapped the screen.
"I shoukd have told you to come earlier. I miss you mom…"
Are you okay?
The familiar phone number asked, weeks ago. Sasuke propped himself up that night, the walls warping slightly, seeming to slant inwards at the ceiling. This medication was strong.
"no." he admitted, for the only time in his life.
These were messages he knew she'd never receive, and the ones he liked to ignore. Fortunately, he rarely had a reason to look over his "sent" folder.
Again, he was repeating his mistakes, letting the memories take him. Naruto quietly awaited his answer, however, figuring that Sasuke needed this time to contemplate.
"Yes," he admitted. "But I can't bring myself to delete them. And even if I could…"
Naruto nodded slowly, placing his hand on Sasuke's shoulder.
"In your shoes, I could never delete it. I don't think you should."
Sasuke looked away, deciding to speak but then thinking against it. He occupied his mouth with his cigarette. He was grateful to have such a powerful memory of his parents. He just wished that it didn't have to be accessible through something he so frequently used. This wasn't something he could shove in a box and bury in a basement. If he became morose, torturing himself was as easy as reaching into his pocket.
Sasuke was still fighting for a proper grasp of balance. He could read over the messages every day if he wanted to. But at what point would his efforts be treasuring his parents' memory, and at what point would they become unhealthy and masochistic? It would be so much simpler to do one or the other: to repress or dwell. It was healthy moderation that was so difficult to achieve.
"I just hope the phone doesn't break," Sasuke said, unnecessarily ashing his cigarette in his uneasiness. At this rate, he'd shake the remaining tobacco out. Fortunately for Sasuke, Naruto had no idea how to properly ash a cigarette.
"Do you look at them often?"
Sasuke frowned, breathing in the tobacco deeply. It seemed so unfair to Naruto… It was one thing to know that Sasuke's parents were gone, but to hear him talk about it… He felt his eyes going wet, and he tried to hide it from Sasuke.
"You look like you feel a little too badly for me," Sasuke said, smiling slightly.
"It's just…"
"Heavy."
"Yeah."
Despite everything Naruto had gone through, the guy was a bleeding heart. Naruto had way, way too much empathy, but then again, Sasuke supposed that someone in the relationship had to balance him out. Still, he didn't want Naruto wasting his emotional energy fussing over him. That wouldn't do any good for either of them.
"I've got someone to take care of me now. I have a great brother, an attractive boyfriend, a decent education…"
"Attractive?" Naruto answered, cocking his head slightly. "Is that all you have to say about me?"
"What? You're a hot piece of ass."
"Perv."
Sasuke merely shrugged, genuinely unapologetic. Naruto snorted, noting how Sasuke made no attempts to fight him on that accusation. There was a pause between the two, the tense atmosphere having lifted somewhat. And then…
"…It really does taste like licking an ashtray."
Naruto stuck out his tongue, making a face. Sasuke smirked. After all of the oddly tasting kisses Naruto had put him through, from morning breath to creamed herring, vengeance was sweet.
"Ch, idiot."
There wasn't much else to do here now, and the clouds were darkening. A light drizzle of rain fell down upon the two. With only a shared nod, the two of them stood and began to walk home. Naruto stood quickly, reaching out his hand to Sasuke. When Sasuke accepted, Naruto attempted to fling his dark-haired lover into his chest, but Sasuke saw it coming in advance. Instead, Sasuke took his momentum and jerked Naruto towards him, the blond almost losing his footing.
If he'd learned one thing from all of his introspections today, it was that things could change one hell of a lot. As draining as it had been to think about the past, he couldn't feel melancholic as Naruto teased him, making an imbecile of himself and occasionally hanging on him. Naruto was acting a little sillier than usual, it seemed. Perhaps he was trying to distract him.
This would've never been what he had wanted for himself, a year back in time. He would have never chosen this life, yet things happened that were out of his control. Things happened that Sasuke would have never been able to imagine. Now, his life was again on the brink of great change. His brother's health was still questionable, Naruto was bound to be discovered, and the little "arrangement" he had with Kabuto? He could only hope that it would be as simple as calling the deal off.
What could he control? The frightening thing was that there was no way to know. But now he knew that he had more control than he had once realized. He was strong. Whatever happened, he knew that he would find a way around it, over it, and through it.
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