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Break to Breathe	By : Okami-Rayne Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Shikamaru/Neji Views: 1958 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: NARUTO and its respective characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 33
- 34
- 35
BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Thirty Four

Cold permeated the air like tiny needles, prickling along Neji's skin and sinking into the fabric of his robes. It didn't settle there. He felt the chill go deeper, piercing way down into the tight, locked cavities in his chest.
A sharp twinge ran along his left arm, right up to his shoulder.
The Hyūga frowned.
He ceased the slow stroke of his fingers along Shikamaru's brow long enough to flex the pale digits, clenching them into a fist before snapping them out again. The pain along his arm eased to a dull throb. Rolling his shoulder, Neji returned to smoothing his fingers across Shikamaru's forehead.
Shikamaru didn't stir.
His lips remained faintly parted, his breathing deep and slow.
Neji watched the sleeping Chūnin quietly, calm and almost meditative, his half-lowered lashes casting shadows under his pale eyes. Getting Shikamaru into this state had required some coercion on the Hyūga's part; namely pressure points and a subtle use of the Gentle Fist. Had the situation been less grave, Neji might have seen the humour in it. Enforced rest wasn't something he thought Shikamaru would ever require.
You left me little choice, Nara.
Shikamaru had gone under almost instantly and now Neji sat with his back to the wall, the Nara's head resting on the solid muscle of his thigh. The rest of the shadow-nin's lean frame stretched out across the futon, one leg drawn up a little, his heel wedged against his discarded flak jacket.
Neji had intended to leave.
He still did.
However, the instruction from his brain to 'move now' would not translate to his body. So he sat, bathed in the dim lantern light, fractured from cracks in the glass. It cast Shikamaru's face in sharp angles which Neji traced out meditatively, following the ridges and dips, rolling the ball of thumb along the pressure points. He ignored the twinges in his arm, penalty for having concentrated his chakra to his fingertips.
"Dammit. You can't fight. You can't use your jutsu and you're going to end up in a deep end you can't pull yourself out of."
Shikamaru's words drilled away in the back of his mind, driving a little deeper every time he allowed himself to consider them. His fingers slipped down to Shikamaru's mouth, tracing the parted lips, feeling the soft exhale against his fingertips. His own chest tightened, the air hurting his lungs.
"ANBU isn't worth this…"
Neji released a slow breath.
No. It isn't. No means to an end usually is…when it costs this much…
Not that the cost would stop him. He would not allow anything or anyone to sabotage what he had worked two months for – what he would continue to work for, against all odds.
I cannot be weak. Not now.
Neji grazed his knuckle down Shikamaru's forehead, following the smooth space between the Nara's eyebrows, which had been scored with a deep furrow half an hour before.
"Why is this mission so damned important to you?"
Neji frowned. One question out of countless others; all of them hammering into his skull, splintering his control…striking nerves that should have been numb. Shikamaru's kunai-like sharpness rarely failed to strike true and every time it did Neji felt less in control…less in command of what he needed to keep together so he didn't come apart completely.
I cannot afford to lose…
The scuff of shuffling feet drew Neji's gaze to the den door and he heard the light clatter of a tray being placed down. The Hyūga considered activating his Byakugan, but decided against it. It was probably just someone leaving food.
But then the door slid open a little.
Neji immediately straightened up against the wall. He stilled his hand, draping his fingers over Shikamaru's closed eyes to shield them from the slot of light that bit into the dim room.
Preparing to lacerate the unannounced person with his eyes alone, Neji turned his gaze sharply toward the opening – and lost his anger to surprise. A child peeked in through the slot, sliding the door open few more inches to stick her head in. Her bright green eyes shone and a tumble of sloppily tied locks framed her cherub face in blonde ringlets.
Neji stared, not sure how to proceed. He tensed up enough that the tightening of his thigh raised Shikamaru's head a little, drawing the child's focus onto the sleeping ninja. Reminding himself that this was a child, hardly a threat, Neji forced himself to relax. The small girl remained crouched by the sliding door, staring at Shikamaru.
"Is he sick?" she whispered.
Neji shook his head, more at the awkward situation rather than in answer to the innocent question. "No. He's sleeping."
The child bobbed her head, shuffling forward on her knees as she crawled into the room uninvited. Neji watched her uncertainly. No amount of ninja instinct or intelligence provided him with an instant idea of how to handle this situation. He could contend with children inside the controlled context of a Genin class, but even at the best of times avoided such situations at the Academy.
This child and this situation were far from the bank of his experience.
She looked no older than five.
He watched her swivel around on her knees, ruining her already paint-stained dress as she dragged a tray in after her, nudging it over with the heels of her hands as she shuffled across. Neji observed her in silence, surprised that his eerie gaze hadn't intimidated or spooked her into running off. It normally served as his best weapon and defence against persistent children.
Apparently not in this instance.
No, this child simply shoved the tray at him, sat back on her heels, clapped her hands on her little knees and leaned forward, staring at him intently.
Neji stared back.
The girl cocked her head. "Your eyes are weird."
One corner of Neji's lips twitched. "So I've been told."
"They're pretty."
He hadn't been told that before; certainly not by a child. The Hyūga hesitated a moment, trying to decide how to respond until he remembered Shikamaru's reaction to another Tsubasa child earlier.
"Thank you…" he said, quietly.
The girl grinned toothily, revealing small gaps in her smile. "Like angel eyes."
"I'm not an angel," Neji said.
Far from it.
"Are you a shinobi?" she chirped.
"Yes."
The girl looked to Shikamaru. "Is he a shinobi?"
Neji nodded, watching the girl stare at his hand. He hadn't removed it from its gentle rest above the Nara's closed eyes. Realising this, he abruptly dropped his hand away. The girl giggled. Neji glanced towards the door awkwardly.
Absolutely oblivious to his discomfort, the child shuffled closer, peering at Shikamaru suspiciously. "Is he your friend?"
Neji looked back to her. "Yes."
"Friends are precious," the girl said, adopting a serious expression that indicated someone important had told her this.
Neji smiled a little, relaxing by degrees. "Yes, they are."
"You should look after friends," she instructed with uncomplicated innocence. "Are you looking after your friend?"
The question fell heavy in Neji's mind, the weight of it drawing his gaze down to Shikamaru. His milky eyes pinched in at the corners.
"I think that he is looking after me," Neji murmured.
"That's good." The girl grinned, shoving the tray closer. "Here is food. I made the cookie."
Neji tilted his head, noting the small and vaguely heart-shaped cookie set atop two ration packs, similar to the ones used on field operations. The girl took up the cookie, waving it at him.
"I made it," she repeated.
Neji accepted it, taking it between his long fingers carefully. "Thank you. It looks very good."
"You can share it with your friend," the girl said, pointing to Shikamaru before she leaned over the sleeping ninja, cupping a hand to her mouth as she whispered. "Ssh! You have to break it. Don't tell anyone. It's bad luck. You can say I did it."
She drew back, nodding with a solemn expression, a finger pressed to her lips to seal the secret. Neji nodded, bemused by the cookie conspiracy. Almost to the point of amusement, until his gaze landed on the child's arm. A mark had been branded into her pale skin.
Is that…juinjutsu?
Neji frowned, keeping his voice soft. "What happened to your arm?"
The girl held out said arm with pride, waving it to display the seal mark, whispering excitedly. "We all have it. It's special. They do it at the Temple."
Neji set the cookie down on Shikamaru's chest, holding out his hand, palm facing upwards. "May I see it?"
The girl nodded, shuffling over until her knees almost bumped Shikamaru's shoulder. Neji glanced down quickly. The shadow-nin slept on, too deep in the slumber Neji had pushed him into to be pulled out so easily. Either way, Neji leaned forward carefully, locking his thigh to keep from shifting too much.
The girl set her elbow in his palm. "It's pretty!" she whispered.
Neji studied the mark at the crook of her arm. It was elegant and simple, but far from pretty given its ugly purpose. The Hyūga's lips tightened. He'd have activated his Byakugan but he didn't want to frighten her.
He tilted his wrist, turning the girl's arm more towards the light as he examined the brand. Its exact workings were obviously unique to the Tsubasa's juinjutsu, but Neji recognized a curse seal when he saw one.
The little girl bounced on her knees, grinning proudly. "We get it so when we grow up we can fly."
"Fly?" Neji glanced up at her, understanding touching his eyes.
"Yup! Like the birdies."
So it's for the mind-transference. Gods…they're just children…
He dropped his gaze back down to the mark, an uncomfortable feeling roiling inside him. A dormant churn of emotion he'd plugged up and choked down. He stroked his thumb over the mark, shaking his head.
Bastards…
"It hurts when they do it," the girl said cheerily. "But it's okay."
No. It's not.
Neji released her gently, swallowing down the unspoken words as he stared at her arm, watching her rub the mark – as if it would shine. The irony was cold. As cold as the shining steel covering his own curse mark.
"Don't make this personal."
Staring at the child's arm, he knew it was much too late for that.
Oblivious to his stare, the girl played with Shikamaru's hair, bumping her palm lightly against the spiky ends of his ponytail. "It hurt, but mom said it's trasision."
"Tradition…" Neji corrected softly, staring off to the side of the room.
"Yup! Mom said it's trasison." She stopped bumping her palm. "Mom flew away."
Neji closed his eyes, his jaw tightening until he felt the pull all the way along the chords in his throat. He heard the child shuffle and slipped his eyes open. Green eyes stared at him curiously.
"Are you sad?" she asked, pouting.
Neji swallowed. "No…"
"You look sad."
He shook his head, drawing her eyes to his headband. She stared at the hitai-ate, looked down at Shikamaru's brow, then looked back up at him. Neji could read her question.
"I have a mark too," he said softly.
Her face brightened. "Then you can fly too?"
Neji stared at her, the innocent words cutting so deep it took him a long moment to respond.
"One day," he answered, glancing away.
"Hibari-niisan says you want to help us fly free again."
"That's right."
The child wagged a finger. "You promise?"
Neji smiled weakly, barely able to pull it off; but he nodded as he looked back to her, ignoring the gravity of his next sentence.
"I give you my word."
Taking confidence from his promise, the girl tottered onto her feet, dusting off her palms on her dress. Then she grinned and planted her hands on her hips to strike a buoyant pose that reminded Neji of Naruto.
"Then I'm gonna fly higher than everyone," she promised in return, nodding until her ringlets bounced and she staggered under the force of her own enthusiasm.
Neji cleared his throat, his voice hoarse. "Make sure that you do."
The child grinned, pointed at the cookie resting on Shikamaru's chest and skipped towards the exit, her attention on some new mission. She practically bounced out the den, sliding the door after her.
She left a suffocating silence behind.

The dusty walls of the tunnels looked like a children's canvas. Murals of happily-ever-afters, magical woods and out-of-proportion animals; creature caricatures that clustered around smiling stick-figure humans holding huge hands attached to bodies with equally huge heads. Flowers, clouds and heart-shaped trees dominated the dreamscape.
Innocent, idealistic and imaginary worlds.
Impossible worlds.
Neji frowned, following the path of one of the winding passageways, tracing out the paintings with his gaze and occasionally his fingers.
The children had made the most of their prison.
They'd gilded their cage.
Neji paused as the sound of voices echoed further down the tunnels, loud and animated, then stern and low. Activating his Byakugan, he located the source and gravitated in that direction, relieved that he wouldn't have to search any further. He caught the tail end of the conversation, or a telling-off, judging by the snippets of dialogue.
"—so don't let me catch you two wandering above the surface again, got it? It's not safe." Hibari's voice filtered through. "Don't roll your eyes. Make sure you put salve on that."
The sliding door slotted back and Neji stood aside as two young boys, both shamefaced, shuffled past. One held a cloth to his nape. Neji frowned, but smoothed out his expression as he glanced toward the redhead who'd sent them on their way.
Grey eyes met opal.
Hibari blinked, drawing the door further back. "Hyūga. I was going to head over in about an hour."
"Thought I'd save you the trouble." Neji's gaze dropped to the blood smeared across the Tsubasa's fingers. "What happened?"
"Boy got injured," Hibari said as he stepped back into the room, dragging a cloth over his hands. The blood came away easily. "The kids caught one of Ozuku's birds hovering around. One of them got attacked."
Neji hummed, frowning. "Kitori said the birds were trained to target vital points."
"One thing she wasn't lying about then," Hibari snorted, moving towards a basin as Neji stepped into the room.
The Hyūga glanced around. The chamber had been hollowed out into a medical area judging by the cavities carved into the walls, stocked with salves, medicine bottles, gauze and other supplies. Futons lay to one side of the room, all marked with tattered labels reading "MED 04".
"That reminds me," Hibari said, washing off his hands. "I think one of your people have been tagged."
"Tagged?" Neji echoed, moving to stand beside a table scattered with bandages and balms.
"Yeah, the bird the kids caught was a tracker. Which means it was linked in with a target." Hibari turned towards him, grey eyes scanning him calmly. "Were any of your shinobi attacked by the birds?"
Neji nodded. "Several of us."
Hibari frowned, taking up a shallow box that he brought to the table, setting it down to begin placing the balm pots and bandages away. "Did any of the birds get their claws in?"
Neji's lip would have curved grimly at the memory but he controlled himself. "Yes."
"To who?"
"Me."
Hibari stopped stacking. He levelled Neji with a serious expression, sliding the box aside as he rounded the table, flicking his wrist. "Turn around."
Neji arched a brow, muscles drawing taut. "Excuse me?"
Hibari shook his head, stopping a few paces away. "On your nape right?"
Neji's eyes narrowed a little, but he nodded.
"That's where they tag," Hibari said, sighing as he strode past to sift through another box stashed in the corner of the room. "You've got a tracker on you."
Neji watched the Tsubasa warily. "Which is what exactly?"
"Chakra-laced bug almost like a parasite," Hibari explained, retrieving a scalpel. "They transfer from the bird's talons. Kind of like a bee's sting. Unless you want it to burrow into your spinal chord, you'll let me take it out."
Wonderful.
Instinctively, Neji felt his body turning at an angle. A few degrees more would have put him into a stance bordering on defensive. The motion was ingrained. But his intuition told him a threat wasn't present in Hibari's voice or the man's expression.
Not that it made him feel any less guarded.
The Hyūga erred on the side of caution, his gaze straying to the scalpel in Hibari's hand as the Tsubasa stepped over. He followed Neji's gaze to the thin blade.
"It'll be quick, but I can't promise it'll be painless."
Neji smirked humourlessly, making no move to cooperate. "I can assure you that it's not the pain that concerns me."
Hibari smiled at that and flipped the scalpel over in his hand so the blade faced away. He set it down on the table beside him. "I understand. I'll have someone else do it."
Neji watched the Tsubasa stride over to an adjoining room, sliding a panel back to speak to someone on the other side. "Please get Isuka."
The name sounded familiar. Neji frowned, recalling that Sakura had mentioned it once or twice to Shikamaru. The Nara had responded with something about malnourished women eating birdfeed for breakfast.
"I've heard that name," Neji said as Hibari turned back towards him.
"Yeah? She's one of our people on the inside," the redhead explained, moving to take a seat at the medical table, kicking up his feet onto one of the opposite stools. "She's a vet, but don't worry, she knows her way around humans too."
If that was meant to be reassuring, it wasn't.
Neji offered no response. He remained standing, taking a moment to flick his gaze over the supplies in the room. He could sense Hibari watching him, but allowed the man his inspection without challenging it. He only turned his gaze when Hibari reached for the discarded scalpel. The Tsubasa simply set it further away from both of them, draping his arm along the edge of the table as he continued to observe Neji.
"So, did my mother get her claws into you too, Hyūga?"
Neji arched a brow, angling Hibari with a sidelong glance; a silent cue for elaboration.
Hibari took it with a bleak smile, shrugging. "You wouldn't be the first if she had."
"What makes you think she's had any such influence?"
"You seemed very reluctant to believe that she'd sell me and my sister out," Hibari cocked his head, curious. "Why is that?"
Despite the defensive bristle along Neji's spine, he kept his expression unreadable and utterly stoic. He didn't want to turn his thoughts towards Kitori and her callous intentions. Her betrayal hadn't been personal, yet it felt as though he'd been stabbed in the back by a hot poker.
It incensed him dangerously.
It shouldn't have.
But then, he'd seen something in that woman that had resurrected ghosts. Old phantom pains that still lingered. She reminded him of two months of a bitter haunting he didn't want to be plagued by but couldn't escape.
Stop. Focus.
Neji drew a slow breath, grateful that Hibari took his silence as an opportunity to continue speaking, drawing Neji's thoughts back to the present.
"She's probably had her eye on you for a while," the Tsubasa remarked, sounding contemplative.
Neji looked across again. "What do you mean?"
Hibari didn't respond right away, considering his own thoughts. "You said she showed you the Temple right? Weird that she'd do that. Ozuku probably flayed her for it. She must like you, in her own twisted way."
Neji didn't even want to consider that. So he abruptly veered the direction of the conversation. "Hibari, can your mother also use this forbidden mind-transference jutsu?"
"Hn. Every chance she probably gets," Hibari muttered, a bitter smile curving one corner of his mouth. "One thing I remember from being a kid? She used to love using the mind-transference. She'd rather spend her time doing that than protecting her children."
Neji frowned sharply. "Why?"
"For escape I guess," Hibari sighed, rocking his stool onto its back legs as he glanced towards the ceiling. "Up in the skies as a bird? Probably the closest she could get to freedom." Hibari shrugged. "Must have screwed up her head…she'd get Toki to sing with her every time she came back to her body. Kind of like a bird."
"Sing with her…?" Neji looked away, staring off into the corner of the room. He recalled Kitori mentioning her daughter's talent for singing.
The memory of the girl's lifeless eyes came back to him; as did the memory of that fading pulse of life, struggling for a chance he'd taken away in a heartbeat.
Gods…I should have known…
"Yeah," Hibari continued, tapping his head. "But then, Kitori's not right in her head." Hibari paused, his voice sobering into something softer. "At least that's what I tell myself when I hate her a little less. Doesn't happen often."
Neji watched the redhead wrestle with a private conflict, wishing for a moment that he didn't understand Hibari as well as he did in that moment. The Tsubasa sighed, switching topic.
"That sharp one of yours," Hibari commented, looking up. "He's extraordinarily intelligent for his age."
Neji smiled slightly without realising it. "Shikamaru."
Hibari nodded. "That's right."
"Yes, he is."
Hibari pursed his lips, looking a little uneasy. "Does Ozuku know he's that smart?"
Neji studied Hibari out the corner of his eye. An immediate and lethal protectiveness for the Nara prowled through his blood. It settled inside him like a crouched predator, claws flexing. He tried to ignore the feeling, not liking how irrational and uncontrollable it felt.
"Ozuku entrusted the entirety of the operation to Shikamaru and Kitori. I imagine he's aware of Shikamaru's intelligence." Neji's voice dropped. "Why?"
"Then Shikamaru may be targeted," Hibari explained. "Ozuku sees intelligence as more of a threat than raw power. Better keep him out of range."
And to think I put him in direct range when I sent him off with Kitori…
Neji clenched his jaw, his fingers almost gnarling into a fist as dangerous as that protective thing clawing around inside him. Thankfully, the sound of the door sliding open redirected his attention. A waif-like woman slipped into the room. She was kitted in a medic's apron, her hair scrunched up in a bun. Her sharp aquiline features softened with concern when she looked to Hibari.
"Another kid's been tagged?"
Hibari shook his head, jerking his chin towards Neji. "Leaf shinobi."
Isuka's eyes slid across and the minute Neji met her gaze her lips parted in surprise. She stared for a moment. "You're a Hyūga."
"I hope that isn't a problem," he replied, softening his words with a weak smile.
"Oh! No, not at all." Isuka shook her head, stepping across the room to retrieve a small medical kit. "It's just that I was speaking with your ninja about the talents of your clan not so long ago."
Something about that statement caused Neji's brow to furrow, but he recovered quickly. He had no desire to entertain a discussion about his clan's talents on the best of days, let alone in the company of a man who still harboured grief over the outcome of these 'talents'.
Isuka must have realised her mistake, because she slid Hibari an apologetic glance. The redhead waved it off, but looked away, frowning. Neji glanced at the pendants hanging from the chain around Hibari's neck. He quickly set his attention on the bony Isuka, watching her extract a fresh scalpel from the medical kit.
She gestured for him to sit. "Did Hibari explain to you that I'll need to cut it out?"
Neji slid onto the stool, placing his palms atop his thighs calmly. "I believe it's necessary."
"I'm afraid so."
He felt her slip a hand under the thick fall of his hair, which she appeared to admire for a moment until he reached back to hold it away from his nape for her, not wanting to remain any longer than was necessary in this somewhat vulnerable position.
Isuka patted his shoulder gently. "I'm sorry but it will hurt."
"It's fine." Neji blinked slowly, activating his Byakugan, which had Hibari glancing across curiously, if not a little uncomfortably.
Neji made no apologies, his focus on the actions of the woman behind him as she went about performing the small incision, carefully and quietly. He watched her reach for a crude looking implement that vaguely resembled tweezers. The cold steel bit into the wound. He felt blood tracing down his skin. Isuka tilted her head a little as if to catch his gaze, unaware that he could see her just fine with his dōjutsu, given the angle at which she stood.
"I'm sorry," she winced, digging around. "They burrow deep."
"It doesn't hurt," Neji said.
Hibari arched a brow, drumming his fingers against the table. "It should."
Neji smiled a little, his ghostly eyes staring across at Hibari though his vision wasn't centred on the man. "Sorry to disappoint you. I have a high threshold for pain."
Hibari hummed, chuckling quietly. "Clearly. Those parasites have claws too."
"You speak from experience?" Neji guessed, feeling the cool press of a sterile pad against his nape as Isuka dabbed away the blood.
Hibari nodded. "That's right. My mother sent some after me. Isn't she a peach?"
Neji let his lashes flicker as he deactivated his dōjutsu, setting his gaze on Hibari as Isuka taped a slim gauze to his nape. "To be honest, Shikamaru harboured suspicions about your mother from the start."
"Oh yeah?" Hibari frowned. "And you didn't think to take his suspicions onboard?"
Neji's jaw twitched. "No."
"Because she pulled the wool over your eyes," Hibari assessed grimly.
No. Because I understood the look in 'her' eyes…her pain…her…bitterness…
Neji looked away, pretending to glance over his shoulder towards Isuka. "I suppose I needed more than his dislike of her."
"What?" Hibari snorted. "You need to hear the ugly truth straight from her mouth?"
Yes…
Neji didn't reply, forcing his attention onto the vet, who he thanked with a faint smile and nod. When he looked back to Hibari, the redhead was watching him with significant scrutiny. Neji returned the stare calmly, unaffected – outwardly, at least.
"Hn," Hibari tilted his head, curiosity replacing his suspicion. "She really did sink her claws in. What did she do? Play off the fact that you killed my sister?"
Neji shook his head. "No, actually."
"So she didn't guilt trip you? That would have played in her favour." Hibari frowned, tilting his head the other way. "Guess she likes you more than I thought, Hyūga."
Why?
It was a disturbing thought. One that Neji didn't want to consider as anything other than a bit of hyperbole on Hibari's part. Unfortunately, the man looked as serious and disconcerted as Neji felt.
Either way, it makes no difference to what is necessary now.
"If that is true, it may prove useful after we apprehend her." The Hyūga kept his voice flat, his statement practical.
Hibari's eyebrows shot upward. "Apprehend? You think I'm going to spare her? Where's the justice in that?"
Neji sat back, weighing diplomacy against bluntness and opting for the former.
"She will have vital information, Hibari. Especially with regards to infiltrating the Temple," Neji reasoned. "I may be able to use whatever leverage I have regarding her apparent 'like' of me to get the relevant information. That failing, a standard interrogation will be necessary before any pound of flesh is taken."
"Hmn." Hibari rubbed his chin and thudded his stool forward onto its four legs. "I see the sense in that. Better not have me around at the time."
Neji blinked, not having expected that. Mostly because it put the Konoha ninja in a position of power and trust he didn't think the Tsubasa would grant them.
Hibari caught on with a smile, shaking his head. "As if you haven't noticed, my temperament isn't as coolheaded as yours when I'm pissed off."
Neji tried not to smile bleakly.
You haven't seen me 'pissed off', Tsubasa…
Hibari continued, oblivious. "If I see her, it'll get ugly. Best if you interrogate her and then let me deal with the justice part afterwards."
Neji regarded him in a measured silenced, waiting for the man to reconsider. He didn't.
"Very well," Neji slid off the seat, rising to his full height. "How soon can we move on this?"
Hibari stood on cue. "I was going to give your shinobi a little more time, but if you're ready to move now then we'll collaborate with a strategy."
Neji nodded.
It was time to wake Shikamaru.

The pain blindsided him.
It struck with an aggression it hadn't possessed before.
It happened so suddenly that Neji didn't realise he'd lost his balance until his shoulder struck the side of the tunnel, his body jolting from the impact. A sharp breath tore from his lips, followed by a hacking cough that rattled his ribs.
The copper tang of blood stained his lips.
Raising the back of his wrist quickly he rubbed away the offensive crimson, staring at the glistening smear against his pale skin. As he stared, the skin around his eyes and temples tensed, pulling into the familiar veins of the Byakugan. He assessed his chakra flow, searching for loose blocks in his tenketsu, damming them up with sharp prods of his fingers.
Not now. I have no time for this.
The pain lanced through him with every touch of the Gentle Fist, quick taps feeling like the stab of a blunt knife grinding into his chest. He tidied up the mess quickly and efficiently, sucking in cold air that snagged in his lungs as if laced with razorblades.
Breathe…
It took a while to draw air through the initial surge of panic and a few minutes more to ascertain he had his system under control. Sagging against the tunnel wall, he allowed himself to lean into the solid support, keeping still and silent as he breathed. But he only allowed this for a moment.
Move.
Releasing a sharp breath, he straightened up.
Move now.
Not allowing the pain to sink in, he pushed through it and continued his path along the tunnels, heading towards the main room branching off into the dens the Konoha Team currently occupied. As he drew nearer, he began to suspect that waking Shikamaru wouldn't be necessary, especially considering the volume of the voices echoing down the passageways.
The noise upped a notch with every step the Hyūga took.
"What the hell is that crap-magnet?"
"Hey shut up, your sheep looks like a cow!"
"I don't think that's a sheep or a cow, Kiba," Sakura pointed out.
"Yeah, it's Akamaru!" Naruto corrected, sounding way too proud for someone who had obviously failed.
Akamaru yapped out what could only be an offended bark.
Naruto yelped. "Oi!"
Neji heaved a sigh and pushed aside his reluctance to step into the room at the same moment he slid the door open. The Hyūga paused mid-step past the threshold, his pale gaze straying to Kiba and Naruto, who had equipped themselves with crayons, currently adding their lack of artistic ability to the children's murals.
Akamaru had his jaws locked harmlessly around Naruto's wrist, attempting to control the movement of the crouched Uzumaki's hand as he drew.
"What do you two think you're doing?" Neji admonished mildly, shaking his head.
"Vandalising." Sakura shook her head, sitting cross-legged on the ground, watching them as she sipped at a cup of tea.
"Contributing!" Naruto grinned, using his other hand in an awkward attempt to draw a somewhat retarded looking stick-figure next to the sheep-like Akamaru.
"That better not be me," Kiba growled.
Naruto snickered. "Heck yeah, and this," Naruto drew a winged blob, "is the bird crapping on you."
"Dumbass. You're gonna scare the kids with that shit," Kiba muttered.
"If your language doesn't corrupt them first," Neji warned, shaking his head.
Kiba shot him a snappy look that instantly transformed into a smirk. The dog-nin took up a fresh crayon and quickly sketched out a figure with long hair, robes and a headband.
Neji could see where this was going.
"Inuzuka…"
Kiba grinned, unthreatened. Naruto even stopped to watch.
"Hey that's Neji!"
Neji shot the Uzumaki a withering 'you-don't-say' glare as Kiba proceeded to draw a crude looking line, circling it pointedly.
"And this is the stick up his ass!"
"Kiba!" Hinata squeaked from across the room.
Naruto burst out laughing while Sakura almost sprayed tea from her nose.
Neji's lashes flickered shut halfway, a feeble attempt to stop his eyes from rolling. He looked over towards Chōji, who watched with amusement as he munched on a packet of potato chips, choking on one of them when he sensed Neji's gaze, attempting to sober up his expression – unsuccessfully. Lee clapped him on the back, making him choke even more.
Neji shook his head. "Is Shikamaru awake?"
"If he is, he's being smart and hiding," Sakura said, throwing a crayon that bounced off Naruto's head.
Neji turned on his heel, quitting the absurd scene as he moved over to the only den with the door drawn shut. He slid it back, stepped inside and closed it behind him. Releasing a soft sigh, he glanced up to find a profile cast in shifting shadows.
Shikamaru made no move to acknowledge him.
The shadow-nin sat with his back to the wall, his heavy-lidded gaze fixed on the heart-shaped cookie the child had left. The Nara turned it over in his hands repeatedly, the lazy motions at odds with the hard set of his jaw. The furrow had returned to his brow, etched into his face as sharply as the tension.
Neji stood stiffly, watching him from behind the defence of cool, calm eyes – as if staring long enough might blur the edges around Shikamaru's form and have those shadows swallow him up altogether.
Disappear…slip away…do not make me drive you out…
It should have been easy to do this. Once, it would have been utterly effortless. But to push Shikamaru away now would require a force he didn't dare release, for fear of what would follow behind it…
"If I push you, I will kill you…"
His own words came back to him in a chilling reminder, along with the memory of that feeling he'd had at the Chūnin exams those three years ago. That nefarious, uncontrollable urge to bruise, batter and break the source of what kept causing him this inescapable pain.
It would be so easy for him to make Shikamaru that source – that excuse, that undeserving target.
He'd done it with Hinata.
I will not allow myself to do that to you. Or to anyone else…ever again.
Knowing this, Neji could not drive forward, he could only draw back.
The silence in the room grew thick, uncomfortable…churning with undercurrents that failed to stir up any response from the Nara or any words from Neji.
Outside, Naruto laughed at something Sakura said.
Kiba retorted with something that was muffled by a crash.
Akamaru barked loudly.
Shikamaru didn't blink. He just kept turning that heart over and over in his fingers.
Over and over and over and over and a sharp crack sounded as the cookie broke.
It happened so suddenly that Neji's breath halted.
Split down the middle in a neat, clean snap.
Shikamaru blinked; a slow, hypnotic droop of his lashes. Neji watched him study the two halves with disinterest before the Chūnin vaguely swayed his wrist in the direction of the door, offering one half to Neji without a word. Neji stared at the broken piece, tracing out its edge with a small frown. Despite his hesitation, Shikamaru didn't even look over, just kept his wrist tipped out, elbow braced on his raised knee.
"Better take it. Wouldn't wanna break the kid's heart too," the shadow-nin drawled, low and quiet and lacking the humour the words intended.
Neji's eyes flicked up to Shikamaru's face. Shikamaru didn't move, but sensing the opal gaze, he arched a brow in response. Neji found no ease in that familiar expression and his own remained stoic and stern.
"Hibari is ready to discuss a strategy," the Hyūga said, the words bypassing anything else he might have thought to say.
Shikamaru let his wrist flop back, the cookie pieces cradled loosely in his fingers. "Give me a minute."
Neji nodded and his brain gave the instruction to his body to leave the room.
But he didn't.
Couldn't.
Against all sense, he stood rooted in the proverbial moment of one step forward and two steps back. Paralysed by ultimatums he didn't understand or even realise had been created. But he felt them resting heavy on the air. He glanced down, just to check that he wasn't held in a jutsu. He wasn't. His shadow remained separate from Shikamaru's, stretched out in a dark wobble, free from the paralysis his body felt locked in.
Move…
He couldn't. He felt torn in two directions; which meant that the only way to stay whole was to not move at all. This left him standing frozen for long enough that Shikamaru finally deigned him with the slightest turn of his head, letting his hooded gaze stray across. Those dark eyes narrowed - but not a moment later they softened around the edges, thawing into dark pools warmed by the lantern light.
Neji felt his throat tighten.
He drew a slow breath…feeling that fraying pain he'd felt last night…a sensation of small, hairline cracks…breaking up something crusted around parts of himself held in suffocation. Parts that Shikamaru's breath had seeped into…animating what he couldn't allow to be revived, for the risk of everything else it would resurrect.
Gods…I can't…
He felt the pressure pressing into those closed-off areas, threatening to turn something numb into something infected, raw and rancid with feeling.
I won't…
Neji shook his head, not realising that he almost took a step away. He would have, if the door hadn't been at his back. And if his body hadn't been betraying him with its utter refusal to move or function in accordance to instruction.
He didn't move. But Shikamaru did.
The Nara set down the cookie pieces calmly and rocked up in that enviably easy sway, rising onto his feet and carrying forward with the same languorous movement. Neji watched him, wanting to lash out, lean in and leap away all at the same time. He did none of these things and just released a slow, controlled exhale when Shikamaru came to stand directly in front of him; so close that the Nara's breath caressed his mouth.
"You're a pain..." Shikamaru muttered; an apathetic drawl that was almost convincing.
Neji might have bought it, had it not been for the barest fracture in that voice; the smoky timbre faltered faintly at the end. Neji almost missed it. But he knew. He could taste the shadow of hurt in those words, despite the bored tone meant to disguise it. Neji could understand the meaning on a level he wished he didn't – and even wishing this didn't stop him from responding before he could draw back and detach.
He lifted his hand, ghosting his fingers along Shikamaru's arm, across the Nara's shoulder and up to the back of the shadow-nin's head.
Shikamaru reached up, plucking his touch away sharply.
Neji accepted this with the same calm he forced into his eyes.
"I know," was his quiet response. "That won't change, Nara. So be smart."
"Hn. Stupid is as stupid does," Shikamaru murmured, not releasing Neji's wrist.
"A good thing then, that you're not stupid," Neji said, raising his other hand instead to cup Shikamaru's head, rubbing softly. "No matter what you do."
Shikamaru snorted, his fingers slipping down from Neji's wrist to his elbow. "You think, hmn?"
"No. You think," Neji corrected. "I do. I do what is necessary."
"Yeah, you do what's necessarily stupid," Shikamaru remarked, but his words lacked bite. He shook his head. "Guess we keep coming full circle, don't we?"
Neji drew his head back, but found himself unable to take offense. Maybe he was too tired, or maybe he'd rather have traded his pride in a brief exchange for this connection that he didn't want but couldn't let go of.
It changes nothing.
He told himself this repeatedly as he leaned in, sweeping his lips across Shikamaru's – the only warning he gave before crushing their mouths until the clash of teeth jarred the shadow-nin's jaw into loosening. Neji took the opening, driving forward in the only way he could, plunging into the hot, moist recesses to mark out territory with his tongue.
You will not deny me this.
Powerful, possessive, with just a touch of punishment.
Shikamaru's head bowed back under the onslaught of the kiss, but he snapped forward with returning force. Tongues wrestled for dominance, demanded surrender from each other as they laid equal siege to each other's mouths, both trying to steal back the breath they kept sharing.
Laughter carried beyond the door. Soft and relaxed.
Shikamaru bit down on Neji's lip.
Neji bit back – harder.
They hissed into each other's mouths, carving each other up with their fingers; dragging over fabric, through hair and across flesh…almost under skin.
"How damn deep under your skin do I have to get…?"
I don't know…I don't care…but you won't deny me this…
The kiss was angry and aching and countless other wretched emotions all communicated through tongues not speaking a word. But every slick caress and every scrape of teeth screamed one undeniable thing…
I need this…
Neji's eyes snapped open at the treacherous thought…the shocking slip.
I need this...
He tensed up in rejection.
Shikamaru hands cupped his face - he didn't feel it.
Dread had closed around him like a fist, crushing his breath.
But it was fed back to him, breathed through his parted lips like smoke. Warm, steady air, rolling soft and smooth and saturated with the same taste that snaked in with Shikamaru's tongue. It slid alongside his, caressing as gently as the hands that suddenly drew up his back, stroking, soothing. He wanted to lean forward.
No.
He jutted his shoulder blades against the touch.
Shikamaru's hands stilled.
Their tongues brushed and withdrew, but their bruised lips hovered close.
"Neji..."
Neji swallowed thickly, parting his lips to respond.
A light smack against the door had them both jolting.
Akamaru whined restlessly outside, prompting a shout that muffled through the door.
"Neji! Did Shikamaru die in his sleep or what?" Naruto called.
"Hit him really hard and he'll move!" came Kiba's sage advice.
Gods…what the hell are we doing…they're right outside.
Something else bounced off the closed door, probably a crayon.
Shikamaru's breath puffed softly against his mouth. "Troublesome."
Neji's frown fell away and a shadow of a smile touched his lips. Lips that he set against Shikamaru's brow with a tenderness that bruised him more than Shikamaru's sigh, but less than the aching kiss they stole before the moment slipped away and time – with all its pending urgency – came rushing back.
Time wouldn't wait.
Especially when it was running out…
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Break to Breathe