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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
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- 33
- 34
33. Soul Mates
Now that Jiraiya is no longer a presence in the valley – Gaara’s attention is solely focused on me. I can feel his mind gently press into my own, like an instinctive search for warmth. I feel a peace and happiness radiate from him that hurts too much for words. I flinch at the sensation and work to cut off my emotions from him.
No! His mental tenor is pleading. Don’t pull away from me, please! Don’t shut me out!
“You had no right to interfere.” I spit my words like acid at him.
His mind feels tormented and apologetic, but he does not regret his actions.
I will only do it again, he confesses. I lied when I said you could bring other men to your bed. I cannot tolerate it.
“You cannot tolerate it?!” I screech in rage. “You hypocritical ass!”
I throw Kankuro’s words and memories at him like kunai. ‘Gaara’s harem.’ The images of woman after woman: kissing him, touching him, longing after him. I add my own assumptions to the pile. Images of him taking them to his bed and giving them pleasure that was once only mine. His physical eyes can see my pain etched on my face, but I hold my heart back from him – the bleeding that will not stop.
No! You don’t understand!
“I do not want to.” I drop him like a hot rock from my minds grasp and throw my walls up completely as I turn to leave.
“Wait… please.” The brokenness in his normally indifferent voice makes my body pause, though my mind is still dying from the pain. After a moment, I simply collapse onto the remaining dry sand and curl in on myself to die. I realize I am sobbing; my body shaking violently beneath it. The ground beneath me shudders slightly with them as my curse spills over once again.
I feel his hands on me; stroking my cheek, my hair, my arms. I cannot respond. My skin burns where he touches like it seems it will always do. My heart is toast. I am too dead to feel comfort. He lifts me into his arms and carries me back to the blanket. He must have used his sand to spread it out again upon the sandy floor which now completely covers the grass. This meadow died with me tonight. I continue to sob like a broken child, curled up into a ball. I can feel his face nuzzle into the hollow of my neck.
“Please,” he moans into my ear. “I beg you. Do not shut me out.”
But I cannot let him in.
“Before you,” he says in a painful tone, “I loved only myself. I needed nothing – no one. But now… this ache, this pain… I would die to take it from you. Would that bring you peace?”
I am suddenly angry again and roll on my side to face him.
“How dare you!” I shout. “How dare you even suggest such a thing!”
“I don’t understand. Here…” His voice is horse and broken. He grabs my hand and places it over his heart on his chest. “It feels… like I am dying. The pain… never stops… but I never die.” He looks into my eyes and the jade in his own plead with me. “Why?”
“I don’t know why, Gaara.” I try to pull my hand back, but he grasps it desperately. I am too broken for hope.
“They were not you.” His eyes narrow, as if trying to convince me. “They did not take the pain away. I hated them for it. I was cruel.”
I shut my eyes tightly against his attempt to explain. I taste blood, and I realize I am biting my lip. I cannot breathe.
“Did…” he starts, but his voice nearly fails him. “Does Jiraiya take away your pain?”
I cannot stand this!! “Nooo…” I sob, finally sucking air into my lungs only to choke on it. “Gaara… nothing takes the pain away.”
“I am to blame.” He reaches out to touch my face again tenderly and his expression is completely open – completely broken. “I wanted to save you. To protect you from myself, and from the death I could cause you. To give you what you wanted. But this… this is a death that never comes. I didn’t believe you would feel this too.”
The sobs start to tear from my chest again and he pulls me against him tightly into his arms.
“Please,” he whispers. “Take the pain away.”
Oh God…Why? This is the Gaara I fell in love with. Not the high-and-mighty, empowered Kazekage – Lord of Suna. Not the terrifying shinobi – the death-bringer. This is the man who gave me a child. The one who showed me a tenderness most would not believe him capable of. The one who was denied love all of his life, and who wanted it so desperately. I cannot deny him this.
I bring my hands up to entwine in his crimson locks. I pull him down to me, seizing his mouth and pouring out all my love into the kiss. My mental wall is still firmly in place, but I love him with everything my body has to offer.
We explode. Like fire and hot oil, I feel myself burning into him, frightened by the heat but desperate to increase it. I drink from his mouth greedily, suckling on his tongue, and he moans in relief at my response. I tear at his clothes, instantly frustrated by their presence. He rolls enough to tear them off and then settles himself back down above me, tearing my cloak open and off my shoulders. I throw my arms around his waist, and run my hands along the smooth skin of his back.
He looks down at my dress and I know he is remembering watching me dance while the flames lapped at my skin. He briefly looks broken before dropping his mouth to my breasts. He kisses and suckles his way between them, pulling the material down off my shoulders to torment my hardened nipples with his tongue and teeth. I cry out in pleasure at the sensation, tugging at his hair with my hand, yet holding him to me. He kisses his way back up my neck and gently nips at my ear.
“Open to me,” he whispers.
I bring my knees up, wrapping my legs around his strong waist. He presses his arousal firmly against me and his body shudders in response. A soft moan escapes my throat and he chuckles darkly.
“Yes,” he whispers at my ear again. “But I want more, Mizuki. Open for me here.”
He kisses my temple, and I pull back from him in surprise. I gaze into his lust-filled jade eyes and shake my head feverishly in denial. I cannot do what he asks. It’s not possible.
“Please,” he moans. “I want all of you. I want everything. Let me in.” His tone is getting darker and more insistent. He pulls back briefly again to shed his remaining clothing in a hurry, and presses himself to my wet heat once again.
“No,” I gasp. “I could hurt you! Gaara I don’t know what could happen if I let you in like that.” I’m also terrified of what I will find, or what he will find in me. If I truly took all the walls down… I don’t think I could hide anything from him.
“I don’t care,” he growls, kissing my throat again. “I need you. All of you.”
“Gaara,” I try to reason with him. “What if I kill you? What if I kill us both? The last time I threw my memories at you full force, you passed out for hours, and you were bleeding!” I’m desperately trying to maintain my argument, but his hands and lips are driving me mad. I can feel my eyes closing.
He chuckles darkly again. “Then I die happy.”
I am just about to retort on how selfish that is when he reaches down and strokes me at the juncture of my thighs. My mind goes blank as his fingers slide deep within me. The only thing that exists is pleasure. He begins torturing me in earnest now: with his mouth, and his hands, and his body. I am desperate to get closer. The tension in my belly is building. It has been so long since he touched me. I am close… so close.
“Please, Gaara,” I begin to beg. “Please don’t torture me.”
His jade eyes hold the predator again as he smiles devilishly down at me. “Give me what I want.” His voice is pure challenge.
I fight to bring him closer. I flip over quickly, rolling my hips against him, but he counters just as quickly and pins me beneath him again. He leans down and bites my neck. I cry out, begging in earnest now. “Please, Gaara. I need you. Now!”
His sand grabs both my hands and pins them up over my head. His voice is rough and demanding. “Open your mind to me!”
I cannot take it anymore. I drop my mental walls, drop everything.
The force of his desire and pleasure slam into me like his tsunami of sand – but there is so much more beneath it. There is torment, and agony. There is fear and rage. There is hope, and there is desolation that leaves me gasping for breath as tears flood my eyes and overflow. He roughly tears my clothing out of his way and drives himself deep inside me.
Feeling his pleasure and mine is too much! There is too much excess as he begins to move. I’m going to explode. I am going to die! I channel off the excess that I can manage out from my body, and the ground around me shudders in protest. He tries a similar method, and the sand begins to whip around our bodies in a fury. It’s like being trapped within a sand storm, but the blast never touches us.
It feels like I am drifting through his very soul. I can feel his guilt at lying and leaving me here – at lying to his siblings to keep them from discovering the truth. I can feel the torment within him as Naruto screamed at him, telling him how much I was suffering. I feel his rage and anger at my display at the bar – wanting to protect me from the men who wished to use me. I feel his pain about the baby. He wanted to be able to give me such a gift. I feel his fear that he could have been too late, that he wouldn’t have found out in time to save me. The soul-searing grief at knowing his baby would have killed me – and my terrifying response to the news of its death – is so overwhelming. It feels like dying again and again. My soul screams and cries for him even as my body burns at his feverish thrusts.
I can feel him roaming through my mind, through my memories and my pain. He sees the kindness and compassion I have been shown. He knows the desolation I have felt. He finds my nightmares and I scream out in protest of him seeing them. He screams out his own protest against the pain, the fear, and the all-consuming desolation I feel each night. He realizes that I completely believed that he no longer wanted me, and he rages against my feelings of worthlessness and defeat.
I am so sorry, he cries out to me. How can you love me with what I have done to you?
But he knows I love him. He can feel it written into the very cells of this body. There is nothing I can deny him. I would give my life to protect him. I feel more tears running from my eyes as I feel the evidence of his own love. He doesn’t truly understand love, but it runs deep for me. He wanted to stay away to protect me, but his resolve was already fraying. He didn’t know how to deal with the emptiness.
I start to pull back, to shy away. No! Please! I don’t want to know!
I need you to understand, he begs. Please.
His movements slow to a torturous rhythm as he laps hungrily at my skin. I try to pull away but I can’t find my way out. I no longer know where he ends and I begin. Our bodies continue their sinful dance, and our souls twist and turn together through passion and pain.
I find his memories of the other women in Suna. My mind screams out its rage. I can feel his desperation. He burns for me, he aches, but he will not allow himself to return to me to ease his torment. He wants me to find happiness without him. He is barraged with offer after offer of pleasure, and he tries to find me within them. He tries to ease the emptiness. Some have my hair, some my eyes, some my skin. No one has my voice. No one has my touch. His anger grows. He is cruel to them. Tossing them aside when it is clear they will not satisfy the ache in his chest. He cannot sleep with them. He feels nauseous at the thought. He cannot stop seeing me every time he closes his eyes. He picks one woman up and literally throws her at Kankuro, telling him to ‘deal with the problem.’
Our soul-melding shifts again, and his mouth and hands become rougher against my skin. He suckles and nips at my flesh. He drives himself harder within me, reveling in my pleasure – sending more sand to whirl and rage around us. I hear the ground beneath us groan, and crack. He finds Jiraiya’s touch in my mind. He feels its reservation and stiffens in surprise. He feels my frustration, my panic, my fear. He feels my brokenness when I learn I am just part of one of Jiraiya’s games. He is shocked to hear the man’s thoughts. He was intentionally being provoked into displaying his love for me – again – despite his best attempts to hide. His rage against Jiraiya fades – but not completely. He is still angry that he touched me.
Mine. I hear him growl with a possessiveness that would terrify if it weren’t an even match for my own. He wants to be the only one allowed to touch me, to bring me pleasure. He desperately wants to fulfill my needs and erase my own emptiness.
Please Gaara. I find myself begging again but I can feel my own anger. Don’t leave me again! I cannot bear it.
Never. I will never leave you again. He swears to me. You are mine! Only mine.
I can feel myself on the edge of release and he is standing upon his own. I am gasping and crying out without restraint. His groans are constant and powerful. He drives us forward with a blinding need, to a rhythm I feel deep within his chest. I feel myself tip over the edge and I’m frightened by the strength of it. My entire body constricts down and explodes. At the same moment the ground beneath me truly quakes and ripples, and I feel a searing pain briefly above my left breast. He is only moments behind me, and he pulls out of me quickly as the sand seems to explode around us. It rains down against his shield, completely covering and protecting us.
I love you, I think weakly as I try to find my way back into my own mind and body.
I love you, also. He chuckles, allowing me to pull back and drifting in his own pleasure. He is in awe of the sheer intensity of our love making and I can feel his heart swell. He kisses my forehead softly and I’m suddenly too tired. I shut my eyes and drift away into peace.
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Love Me When I'm Gone

33. Soul Mates