Dirty Little Secret

CHAPTER 32



Kakashi hummed a tune he had heard from Minato-sensei so many years ago – the one he had hummed while he looked after Kakashi after a failed mission. They had been stuck in the wildnerness, and he had been hurt, developing an infection and a fever. Only his sensei’s incredible skills had saved his life back then. Kakashi had been almost incoherent from the fever, but he never forgot the melody – it was the one and only time when someone had sung a lullaby to him. Ironic, that he would sing it to the man who despised his sensei so very much.



Nagato had been drifting in and out of consciousness for several hours after Kakashi did his best to heal him as much as he could. He knew that the red-head was in a much better physical condition than when he found him, but it wasn’t enough. He was terribly weak and still shivered from time to time, causing Kakashi to tighten his hold protectively around the smaller frame.



As for Nagato’s mental state, Kakashi wasn’t even sure if he was even there with him anymore. If he had finally snapped completely. During his waking moments, the red-head called for people named Yahiko and Konan, a desperate, pleading tone colouring his voice, especially when he said Yahiko’s name. After a little while a third name entered his delirius talking – that of Jiraiya. When Nagato had called the Sannin for the first time, Kakashi had frozen in surprise and had only been able to watch as the older man called for his sensei over and over again. The calling was interspersed with endless pleas for forgiveness, for Jiraiya to come back and not to leave him behind. His tone had become that of a child begging his parents not to abandon him, not to refuse him their live. It was painful to listen. Kakashi briefly wondered if he had called out to his own father in such a way during that time when Minato-sensei had looked after him. He couldn’t remember.



It must’ve already been afternoon when Nagato finally regained his senses and let out a shuddering breath.



“Kakashi-san?” he asked softly.



“Yes, I am here.” He answered gently.



There was a long pause. Finally, Nagato asked:



“Why?”



“Why what?”



“Why are you here?” the red-head clarified. Kakashi closed his eyes and took a deep breath.



“Because I want to, Nagato.”



“I don’t understand.” Was the quiet, subdued answer.



“You don’t have to.” Kakashi answered and continued. “Just accept it. I won’t leave you behind again. I promise. I am so sorry, Nagato.”



The red-head shook his head:



“Don’t be. It is I that should be begging for forgiveness, Kakashi-san.”



“Hush now.” He chided. “I am not the one who can give you absolution of your crimes, Nagato.” He told him carefully. “Only you can do that for yourself.”



Kakashi leaned and gently kissed Nagato’s pale forehead, then buried his fingers in the soft fiery hair and began to pet it gently. Nagato appeared to relax, because he sagged in Kakashi’s arms and practically cuddled in his embracem, burying his face in his chest and sighing. Kakashi kept petting him, tilting his head to rest his cheek on top of Nagato’s unruly crimson mop of hair, smiling as the silken strands tickled his lips. The red-head sighed again and relaxed even further.



Part of Kakashi felt incredibly proud of the fact that Nagato trusted him so much, even after all that Naruto had done to him. That he didn’t shy away from his touch. He could guess why – Kakashi had never hurt him, and he had begun to associate him as a source of comfort and safety.



Kakashi felt as if his heart swelled with emotion as he watched Nagato trying to bury himself in his arms as if he were an overeager cat. He reached and gently grasped the red-head’s cheek , turning his face up to him, then leaned and planted a soft, chaste kiss on his upturned lips. There was nothing sexual about it. After all that had happened to the both of them, part of the former jounin feared that his libido was gone forever.



Either way, Nagato didn’t protest against the kiss, nor did he try to struggle in his embrace, seemingly accepting of what Kakashi was doing. When they finally broke apart, Kakashi whispered:



“…Nagato… Forgive me. I am so sorry, I never meant to take advantage of you…”



The red-head’s lips found his again in the darkness and he kissed him, as gently and tenderly as the first time, both of them sighing at the sudden sensation of warmth that surrounded them. It felt good. Right. It didn’t arouse Kakashi, not physically, at least, but he couldn’t remember any other moment in his life when he had felt so content to just sit there and kiss someone as a way to show affection. He didn’t think he’d ever kissed someone just to show affection.



He wasn’t sure for how long they had continued when the door of the closet was suddenly opened and the bright light that flooded the room made him wince and sharply withdraw from Nagato. Blinking owlishly, he turned to meet Naruto’s strangely calm expression as he took in the scene inside. He said nothing for a while, but his eyes gleamed in a way that set off an alarm in Kakashi’s mind.



“I see you are cleaning the mess indeed.” The blonde commented and Kakashi could feel the red-head in his arms tremble almost violently in fear. His arms tightened protectively around him, but he said nothing to Naruto.



The Hokage kept staring at the both of them, then said:



“I expect you to get your ass back in the kitchen and prepare dinner. I am hungry.”



Kakashi bowed then.



“Yes, Master.”



Naruto left.



“Kakashi-san…” Nagato began, but Kakashi interfered:



“It’s okay.”



“What if he punishes you?” there was terror in the red-head’s tone and Kakashi couldn’t help but cup his pale cheek, touched by the concern.



“I am not afraid, Nagato. You’d be worth it. This afternoon… it’s worth it.”



“I don’t understand…”



“Didn’t I say it before? I am not leaving you, not again.”