Dirty Little Secret

CHAPTER 31



After he left Nagato back in his closet and locked the door after him, Kakashi felt like he was suffocating. The whole house felt oppressive, it was as if the walls were coming closer and closer with each passing second, threatening to crush him. What had he been thinking, allowing for such an attachment to grow between him and that man? The man who had caused them all so much pain and grief? Had it been loneliness?



Kakashi took a deep breath and quietly left the house, walking out of the front door and deciding to take a long walk in the quiet, sleeping village to clear his head. He needed to think.



As he walked in the deserted street the full moon shined brightly from a sky riddled with thousands of twinkling silver stars, like mirror shards spread over dark velvet. The ghostly light illuminated every detail of the street, and he had no problem to pick his way so that he wouldn’t trip and fall over.



Kakashi reached the Academy and quietly slipped in the deserted cortyard, going to sit in one of the swings, feeling it creak under his weight. Had he ever played here as a child? Had he ever allowed himself to be child enough to play here? He couldn’t remember. Probably not.



His mind once again focused on Nagato and he winced with annoyance – at himself, mostly. Growing so fond of the man had been a bad, bad idea. He knew that he had been lonely, and ever since Naruto began to hurt him he had felt even lonelier than before. Rationally, he was aware of what the blonde had been doing – at least, he had become aware of it after months of mental lethargy – depriving him of an independent income source, alienating his friends, making him feel like he was worthless for anyone else but Naruto… It had all been so very methodic and well-executed that he never realised when he fell in that trap until it was already too late. But even know, despite what his mind told him, in his heart he couldn’t help but believe all the things that the Hokage had said to him. His hands tightened on the chains of the swing.



Then Nagato had entered the picture – someone who had once been his enemy, but who was now nothing but a victim, as much as Kakashi, of a violent abuser. Perhaps even more so than Kakashi. Someone who carried surprisingly similar guilt in him – not to mention that it was shocking that he was capable of such an emotion.



And then there was the fact that during their forced cohabitation, Kakashi had grown to know him – not the ruthless, vicious Akatsuki leader, but the person behind the title and the position and the one-time power. The person untainted by the madness that the Rin’negan brought with itself. And that person had turned out to be a broken, confused boy – someone who had been broken long before he even imagined he’d become the Akatsuki leader… and then broken once again when Naruto decided to bestow his tender mercies on him. But inside that broken person there was a sharp mind and a kind heart, as odd as that was. Kakashi remembered something that Minato-sensei had told him once “From the kindest heart comes the greatest cruelty.”



Pein had meant well, but in his madness he had tried to destroy that which he wished to save. Oh, the irony of it. If it wasn’t so damn tragic, Kakashi would have been able to appreciate it.



And of course, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had to admit to himself, at least, that whatever he felt for Nagato didn’t end with simply emphasising with the fact that Naruto abused the both of them. It was something deeper, needier, and it frightened him. He couldn’t afford such feelings, even if Nagato a fellow Konoha jounin, let alone the prisoner of war that he was. The enemy.



He rubbed his exposed face with frustration. Naruto would kill him. He would kill them both. There was another sharp pang of frustration when he realised that the second part frightened him more than the first. Perhaps that was why Nagato’s admission about his reasons to attack Konoha hurt so very much. If he had done it out of twisted, misguided idealism, perhaps it would have been easier to swallow than the truth.



Kakashi sat there thinking for a very long time, completely deaf and blind to his surroundings, until finally the sharp voices of children brought him out of his reverie. Dawn had come and the students would soon begin to arrive. It would be awkward if they saw him there, so he quickly left the yard and headed for Naruto’s house.



Oddly enough, the blonde was drinking his tea sitting on his porch, basking in the pale morning sunlight.



“Good morning, pet.” He said when saw Kakashi.



Kakashi bowed.



“Master.”



“You didn’t come to sleep last night.” Naruto observed mildly.



“I went for a walk, Master.”



“Aaah. Must’ve been a long walk.”



“It was, Master.” He sent Naruto a worried glance. “It was only walk. I haven’t seen anyone.”



Naruto only smirked and sipped his tea.



“I know. I would have been able to smell it on you, if it had been any other way.”



He put the cup back on the wooden floor and stretched like an overgrown cat.



“I am going to work now, Pet. You’d have to stay, to clean up things back there. I think I overdid it a little this time.” He said and left, sending Kakashi a warm smile.



Kakashi’s feet felt cold and leaden as he opened the front door with numb fingers and went inside. He smelled the stench of blood right when he passed the corridor and entered the living room. The whole house was eerily quiet, only the old clock on the wall ticking incessantly. Kakashi hated that sound.



Quietly, he followed his nose and followed the smell to Naruto’s bedroom, staring in terror at the sight inside. Naruto had never gone that far before.



Nagato was hanging, his tied attached to a chain hooked to a loop stuck in the celing. He was naked as the day he was born, his head lolling back as he went in and out of consciousness. His entire body was covered in bleeding lashmarks, the gory bullwhip laying discarded on the floor in a corner. Blood and other fluids was seeping between his thighs, more than Naruto usually caused, burn marks clearly visible on the thin chest and stomach. One of his ankles appeared twisted at an odd angle.



Horrified, Kakashi stared for a few moments, then his mind and body suddenly went to an overdrive as he rushed to take the man down. The moment he released his wrists the red-head sagged right into his arms, painfully thin and feeling terribly fragile. A soft keen, not unlike the one he had made the previous night sounded right in Kakashi’s ear and he wrapped his arms gently around the trembling torso, struggling to remain calm. He had to stay calm, because that was the only way he could help the red-head. Lifting him, he hurried back into the bathroom and ran the water, eager to clean him as soon as possible so he could begin to heal his wounds.



When he was done, he carried him back to the bedroom and layed him carefully on the ground, then prepared to do something Naruto had forbidden him. Soft glow wrapped around his hands and he began to heal the worst of his injuries – first some of the deeper lash-marks and burns, then gently sliding his fingers between his cheeks to touch the ruined entrance and attempt to mend it as much as possible.



At some point, Nagato began to regain consciousness, and he cried out in terror.



“Hush, it’s me, it’s Kakashi, you’re safe now.” He told the prostrate man hurriedly, despair lacing his tone.



“Kakashi-san…” the red-head whimpered.



“Yes, I’m here, stay still, I’ll heal you.” He urged him desperately.



“He’ll punish you…” was the whispered answer.



“I am not afraid.” Kakashi said, and suddenly realised that this wasn’t far from the truth. It was both a terrifying and liberating epiphany at the same time.



“Kakashi-san…” the red-head caled again. “Please don’t go. Please…”



“Hush now.” Kakashi chided.



Hours later he was finally pleased with the end results of his healing efforts. While he wasn’t a medical nin his experience had taught him what could hurt or kill a human being… but he had also learned to heal injurted comrades and even himself.

When he was finally done, he took the blanket he usually curled under as he slept on the floor and wrapped Nagato’s shivering body in it, then lifted his bundle gently and carried him back to the closet, closing the door after himself.

It was pitch dark inside, but somehow Kakashi managed to find the mattress and curl on it, Nagato still in his arms.



“Please don’t go.” Nagato begged again.



Kakashi’s hand slid under the blanket to splay securely on the man’s sore back, spreading his fingers and beginning to pet him gently.



“I’m here now. I won’t be going anywhere anymore.” He said. “Not anymore.”