Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

The Thin Line Between Love and Hate - COMPLETE	By : kizukatana Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2093 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Kishimoto does. I make no money from anything I write on this site.

Chapter List
- 2
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- 4
-xXx-
Shikamaru entered Gaara's office, and closed the door. "What happened?"
Gaara had been throwing nuisance lawsuits and injunctions at Sasuke right and left for the past three months. In retaliation, Sasuke had decided to try to force Naruto to sell his share of their company, but Gaara had been stonewalling, refusing to even broach the topic with Naruto and threatening to escalate matters. Even for Gaara, it had seemed overkill, and Shikamaru knew that something must have happened to trigger this overprotective stance Gaara was taking.
Gaara glared at Shikamaru, then tossed the man a file. Shikamaru opened it up, and blanched. It was Naruto's medical report from the hospital. "Naruto... overdosed on sleeping pills?" It went against everything that Shikamaru thought he knew about his friend. It was completely inconceivable. He would have been much less surprised if Sasuke had been the one to do this. Naruto had always seemed... so solid and stable. No matter what life had thrown his way, and it had thrown absolutely truckloads of shit at the man, Naruto had always seemed to be able to bounce back. He read on, seeing the report of severe weight loss and potential liver damage. "Oh my god."
Gaara was seething. "I have been toying with various ways of destroying Sasuke, but he seems to be doing a pretty good job of that on his own between drinking himself to death and being unable to focus on his company long enough to retain a suitable replacement for Naruto and keep the company on pace." There was a question buried in that statement that Shikamaru addressed.
"I still don't know why Sasuke ended things, and Sasuke has refused to talk about it with anyone. But I know that he is miserable. I know that he is hurting. And I know that he is not even looking for another relationship anymore."
Gaara nodded. He didn't look exactly appeased, but he also didn't look as close to homicide as he had earlier. "Make him back off Naruto. Distract him, drug him, lie to him, I don't fucking care. I will leave him alone, if he will do the same. But in the end, I am on Naruto's side. And if he hurts Naruto again, I won't be sympathetic to whatever personal angst Sasuke is inflicting on himself in the process."
Shikamaru accepted the olive branch, and the warning. Despite what some people thought, Gaara was not sadistic. He was loyal, and he didn't pull his punches in defense of things or people he cared about. But he also didn't kick people when they were down. Shikamaru sighed, feeling annoyed with himself for getting pulled into this mess. Why was he working with someone as high maintenance as Sasuke again? Oh, right. Childhood friends. There must be easier jobs out there. Or easier friends. Too bad he was too loyal to ever consider looking for either.
-xXx-
The doctor had told Naruto he needed to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks. Naruto stayed two days. He waited until the doctor confirmed his vitals were stable, and there was no permanent liver damage due to his rapid weight loss. He refused the psychiatric evaluation, and the robust return of his appetite and renewed interest in his personal hygiene convinced the reluctant doctor to discharge him. Either that or it was just the fact that Naruto had simply pulled out the IV, dressed in his clothes, and headed to the nurses station to have the doctor paged before leaving the hospital.
It had been three months since his marriage had ended, and Naruto had decided it was time to start putting the pieces back together instead of just laying in the rubble. He needed his own space to accomplish this, so despite Jiraya's extreme misgivings, Naruto packed up his suitcase, rented a car, and drove to Andalusia. There was something about the atmosphere there, with the different cultural influences and vibrancy that resonated with Naruto's soul. He needed this. He rented a small apartment near the heart of town, and spent his days and evenings exploring the city mostly on foot. He had always been good with languages, and Spanish was similar enough to the English and Italian that he had already studied that he found himself picking it up quickly. There is nothing like total immersion to learn a language, after all.
The move had exhausted him, though. He was still physically very weak. He had always taken pride in his body and it pained him to see the reflection that looked back from the mirror. He was gaunt and pale. He hardly could reconcile the person he saw with the mental image he had of himself. He needed to find something that he could start slowly and build over time as he regained his strength. On his third day in his new home, he was walking back from the market with a few groceries when he noticed a small, slightly run-down looking building with a wooden sign over the door saying 'Kung Fu'. He pushed the door open, and went inside. The building had just one room, with wooden floors, punching bags in each corner, and boards with leather stretched across mounted on the wall. An old man, who appeared quite small, was going through an intricate series of motions in the middle of the room. Familiar with martial arts etiquette, Naruto simply knelt down into seiza inside the entrance and waited quietly for the man to finish and acknowledge him. He came over and looked down at Naruto with curiously yellowish eyes, then motioned for Naruto to stand. Naruto bowed respectfully, then stood up.
"I saw this place walking back from the market," Naruto gestured to the bag sitting on the floor next to him. "I was hoping to join your dojo. Are you taking new students?"
The man looked Naruto directly in his eyes, then took in his pale and wasted form. "You were hurt."
Naruto fidgeted uncomfortably. He knew he looked pretty rough. "I was... sick for a few months. But I am recovering now. And I would like to study under you, and recover my strength, Sifu."
The old man smiled slightly. His eyes seemed eerily knowing, as though he could see directly into Naruto's heart and mind. "You were hurt, and you made yourself sick and damaged your body. But you have a good heart, and a strong spirit. I will help you recover. Come. Have some tea with me, and we will meditate. When you are slightly stronger, I will train your body. But first, let's start with training and focusing your mind. That has been the most damaged, and the body will not fully heal until the mind will allow it to. I am Sifu Shima.* We study primarily Hidden Toad style, though there are some nontraditional techniques that we weave in at times. What is your name?"
"Naruto," he said simply, a bit taken aback by the man's statement. But he knew the man was right, and was glad for whatever twist of fate had made him choose this street to walk on that day.
"Welcome, to-dai Naruto," the man smiled gently at him.
And true to his welcome, Shima took him under his wing at the dojo. There were classes every day and open gym time most evenings. Naruto threw himself into this, finding peace in the discipline and focus required. He spent hours talking to Sifu Shima about the philosophy of the style, and continued learning meditation from him. His favorite sessions would be the afternoons where they would spend hours going through the forms, but moving so slowly that if someone had looked into the room the motion was imperceptible. He found the combination of the physical challenge of holding a stance for that amount of time combined with the mental focus on perfecting every detail of the position to be calming to both body and mind. He felt the sweat purging the toxins of stress and depression from his body, and took great pleasure in washing them away after a tough session.
He was also enjoying living in a completely new city, away from anyone who knew his past. It was liberating to be in a place where he knew literally no one. He could be whoever he wanted here. He could completely redefine himself with no one forcing him into being "like he'd always been." So many of his friends and experiences where shaded with Sasuke.
So much of who he was was based on his past with Sasuke. With no parents or family to anchor him, and a guardian who was absent more than not, Sasuke had been the one constant from grade school on. They had been rivals at first, which had evolved into brothers, then lovers. Things that Sasuke had liked, Naruto had liked. Not because Naruto was weak willed or had no opinions on his own, but rather because he had taken honest joy and pleasure in the happiness of his friend and lover. He had been his first friend, his first best friend, his first kiss, his first lover, his first business partner, his first spouse. He had bought his first house with him. So many of the biggest moments that define a person's life were tied to this person that Naruto had to now separate himself from. But he had made up his mind to get through this. And he never quit once he had decided to do something.
So now he had to remove those deeply embedded shards of attachment from every facet of his being, or risk being slowly cut to shreds by them. And there were definitely days where he bled. Memories of Sasuke would appear out of nowhere of times when they had been happy - and their appearance would almost crush him. Would he ever be that happy again? Maybe not. But still, he would not regret it. After all, how many people in life were truly as happy as he had been with Sasuke? People talked about the idea of soul mates and 'happily ever after', but he hadn't really seen many examples of it besides what he thought he had found with Sasuke. And if the rest of the world's population was able to have sufficiently fulfilling lives without that kind of insane, searing happiness, then so could he. It hadn't lasted, and maybe it hadn't been as real as he thought, but that didn't change the experiences he'd had.
Several times he almost tripped into the seductive trap of imagining building himself into someone that Sasuke would fall back in love with, but he knew that was just a shallow fantasy. After all, the Sasuke that he had been in love with had turned out not to be the reality anyway. And now that he knew that, there really was no going back. How pathetic would it be to spend so much time chasing after an illusion of a person, anyway? Naruto was stronger than that. He was still not able to fully reconcile the Sasuke he thought he had known all his life with the Sasuke who had thrown him away so coldly. But it didn't matter if it was that Sasuke had changed over time, or that Naruto had never known him as well as the though he had in the first place. There was no point in dwelling on a mystery that would only bring pain and prolong closure. He needed to focus on himself, and let Sasuke go.
He still had not signed the final divorce agreement, and that bothered him. Gaara had finally stopped asking him about it, but Naruto knew that the man was concerned. Gaara must have found some heavy leverage or legal maneuvering to keep Sasuke from slapping him with a contempt of court charge. And Naruto knew he would never get closure if he didn't cut this final cord. If he was so ready to move on, why was he holding back? Why couldn't he just sign the fucking paper? He couldn't or wouldn't answer that question to himself. He just kept waiting to be notified that somehow Sasuke had managed to make it final without his signature. Then he could walk away knowing there was nothing more to be done.
But he already knew it was fully over... he had seen the news. Googling what was going on back home had been a bad idea, he supposed, even if it had started as just curiosity to see what his company was doing. Images of Sasuke and various lovers had popped up. And Naruto had felt the anguish and jealousy surge over him at the stories of drunken one night stands, and rumors of more serious hidden relationships. But when Naruto had really looked at some of the photos, he had recognized the expression in Sasuke's eyes... and it was misery and loneliness, not lust or glee. Why did Sasuke do this if it made him unhappy? Was he still trying to hurt Naruto? That didn't make sense if he were really just bored with him, like he had claimed. Sasuke would never trouble himself over someone he didn't care about. It ate at Naruto. He knew he had always been the only one to reach Sasuke, and have him open up. Except for Itachi. Naruto sighed. If Sasuke were hurting and alone, it was his own fucking fault. Sasuke was going to have to clean up his own mess, just like Naruto was doing. It had been Sasuke's choice, after all. Naruto had tried. Sasuke clearly was not trying to mend the relationship. He was just trying to rub Naruto's nose in its demise, for whatever reason. Fuck him. I won't care anymore about how he feels, or whether he is ok. He tried to stick to that.
Naruto poured his pain and confusion and loneliness into his paintings. He knew that the images he created disturbed his godfather when he came to visit, but they were his catharsis, his outlet for all the confusing feelings and emotional turmoil he felt. They soaked out his feelings of anger, darkness, longing and weakness.
And he focused on himself. Uzumaki Naruto. What did he like? What did he want to do with his life, and how did he want to live it now that he no longer needed to answer to anyone else? The earnings that he received from his business enterprise made him financially independent for a very long time, so he didn't need to find a job right away. He knew he would go back to some sort of work eventually... he didn't like idleness. It made him feel useless. But for now, that would have to wait. He wasn't over-the-top wealthy the way Sasuke was, but he had never really been comfortable with that lifestyle anyway, if he was really truthful with himself. He hated the pretention of the people that lived in that world, and the slick facades that everyone wore that merely covered up their greed and manipulations. He had accepted it because as long as he had been with Sasuke, it didn't really matter. For all his money, Sasuke had never been like that. But Sasuke was gone and Naruto could live as he chose - and he chose simplicity over ostentation any day.
Food was another adventure for Naruto. Sasuke had grown up on gourmet, and since they had had a chef, that had become what Naruto had gotten used to eating. Most of Naruto's childhood had revolved around meals of ramen, which was a food that felt like an actual meal, but avoided the feeling of loneliness that cooking a real meal for just one person entailed. When he was older, he had enjoyed ramen and the nostalgia of remembered loneliness that had been overcome, the food a sensory reminder of his survival and perseverance through a childhood that would have crushed the spirit of someone weaker. It was something that had reminded him of who he was and where he had come from. But now, the comfort of that food was gone. Because he was alone again.
So he found himself having uncertain feelings about his old standby, despite being a bit of a cliché in the kitchen in terms of male cooking abilities. He wanted to be a person who found enough value in his own self that it was worth preparing a real fucking meal. So he experimented with different cuisines and discovered that he liked spicy. Any form of spicy. Thai, Indian, Malaysian, Mexican... it was all good. And he took pleasure in discovering a new dish that he liked in a restaurant and then going home and researching and trying to create an even better version for himself. And after the first month or so, he managed to do it without setting anything on fire. Things were looking up.
He spent evenings exploring the nightlife, and different types of music. He enjoyed the bars and clubs that had live music, and interesting people. He discovered that he liked Jazz, metal, Reggaeton, Goth, and Flamenco guitar. And he didn't have to justify to anyone why he had Coltrane, Shinedown, Daddy Yankee, the Cure, and Ottmar Liebert on his iPod together. But though he spent many nights in bars and nightclubs, he declined any offers for 'at home' company from the women or men that approached him, and he avoided the dance clubs, where people just went for a quick hook-up. He knew he was nowhere near strong enough to take on a relationship right now, and he had no interest in casual, anonymous sex. It just wasn't his style. He needed to get himself sorted out first, then worry about whether he would ever have any interest in trying to add another person on that level into his life. The next relationship he had, if he had one, would be one of equals. He would not repeat the mistake he had made with Sasuke. But if it were going to be equal, he needed to be strong and centered again.
He also admitted that a large part of the reason he was avoiding physical intimacy was because it brought back too many memories of Sasuke. The one downside of having a physically perfect person be your first sexual partner was that it was pretty much bound to be all downhill from there. And he didn't want to think about a comparison, or feel like he was settling. So he would wait until he found someone he didn't have to 'settle' with. Someone who was nothing like Sasuke, so that there would be no comparison. But that was a long way down the road.
He felt his strength slowly returning. He spent time out walking the streets or taking a trip to the beach. He had always been a child of the sun, feeling the warmth and energy soak into his soul. He saw a bunch of kids playing soccer in an alley by his apartment. One of them launched a ball and caught another in the ass, and a scuffle ensued followed by trash talking at a hyperbolic level that only a group of 10-year-olds can really deliver on. He laughed out loud for the first time in almost a year. And he knew it was going to be ok.
. . . . .
He had been living in his apartment for almost two years. He had settled back into life, and felt physically and emotionally strong again. He was ready to take the next step and get back to work. Maybe even find a relationship, though he had not met anyone who caught his eye.
He was coming home from a concert one night when he saw a tattoo parlor. And it got him thinking. He wanted to reclaim his body as his own, and somehow mark it as different from the one that had been shared for so long with Sasuke. So that when he was finally ready to take a lover, there would be a piece of himself that had not been seen by anyone else. An image sprang in his mind, coming from the many discussions he had had with Sifu Shima around the center of a person's chi being in the belly... the center of energy and strength. The next day, he had the tattoo done. And for the first time in almost two years, he felt the owner of his own sexuality again. Not just Sasuke's cast-off lover.
A knock on his door surprised him. There were only two people that knew his address. He opened the door, and saw Jiraya standing there.
"You going to just stare, or let your old godfather in out of the sun?"
Naruto grinned and clapped his hand on the older man's shoulder, pulling him inside. "What - forgot how to use a phone? What brings you here?"
"I received an offer from an old student of mine." Jiraya had held several positions over the years teaching creative writing at various colleges. Somehow, they always ended with him leaving under the cloud of scandal. Surprise, surprise.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "If you are going to tell me some perverted story about some schoolgirl going down on you, I REALLY don't want to hear it."
"Brat," Jiraya said, but his eyes were dancing and Naruto guessed that the scene he had just joked about had probably played out at some point in the man's past. Far past the point of being able to be shocked about such things, Naruto just shrugged and waited for his godfather to continue.
"Actually, it is an offer for you, not me." Naruto sighed and opened his mouth to protest, but Jiraya held up a hand to forestall him. "Not for sex. To show your paintings."
That stopped Naruto. "What?"
"His name is Yahiko. He runs a very well-known art gallery. I sent him some photos of your paintings, and he wants to exhibit them. He said that he could also get you an adjunct position as an art teacher at a university he has connections with, or he could get you involved with artistic direction for a production company that shoots videos, depending on your interests. He was quite taken with your work."
Naruto thought about it for a bit, feeling a little queasy. His paintings were intensely personal. He had poured the worst emotions of his life into them. Put them on display? He wasn't sure. "Is his gallery in Andalusia?"
"No. It's in Japan. Naruto, it has been two years. It's time you went home. You can't hide forever. Go back. Make a new life for yourself, but don't keep hiding from your old life. Pick up the parts of it that you still want, and shed the rest. You had friends other than Sasuke. Good friends, who miss you. And I am sure you have missed them as well."
Naruto thought about it, ignoring the wave of panic that being back in the same country as Sasuke evoked. Was he still that weak? That he couldn't even live in the same fucking country? What had he spent the past two years doing, then? No, Jiraya was right. It was time. He was ready. He was going back home. And he would finally sign the divorce papers and sell his part of the business he had built with Sasuke. He'd cut the final cord.
-xXx-
Sasuke woke up. It was dark, and he was on the couch of his study. What had woken him? He realized his cell was going off. He looked at the number, and yanked the phone open, his heart in his throat.
"Uchiha Sasuke?"
"Yes, this is Uchiha Sasuke. Is this Dr. Tsunade?"
"Yes. I am calling because-"
"Is everything alright? Has Itachi's condition changed?" Sasuke was already running to the hall, pulling on his shoes and looking for his keys.
"Yes, sir. I am calling to let you know that your brother has woken up. His condition is stable and he is alert and aware."
Sasuke started his car, his hands shaking. "I'm on my way. Tell him I will be there in fifteen minutes. Please," his whispered hoarsely. "Please don't let him go back to sleep."
Sasuke sped through town, amazed that he didn't get pulled over for speeding or reckless driving. He ran in through the emergency entrance, knowing that the main doors would be locked at this time of night. Dr. Tsunade was waiting for him, and escorted him down to his brother's room. Where for the first time in more than three years, Sasuke saw the eyes open on the face he had looked up to his entire life.
"Nii-san," Sasuke's voice was thick with emotion, and he quickly crossed to the bed and embraced his brother, feeling how thin he had become from years of hospitalization. They talked for a bit, Sasuke explaining what had happened in the accident, and the doctor explaining Itachi's current medical condition.
"Where is Naruto? Is he on a business trip?"
Sasuke's face shuttered, and Itachi raised an eyebrow. "Let's talk about that later. For now, let's just focus on getting you out of here. Your house has been closed up for three years, so we'll need some time to get it ready for you to move back in. You can come stay with me for now in my apartment."
Itachi noticed that Sasuke had said "me" not "us", and also noticed he did not mention the house that he and Naruto had built together. He also had not missed the smell of alcohol on his brother's breath, nor the marks of dissipation on his face. Something had gone terribly wrong while he had been trapped in a coma. But he was going to get to the bottom of it. That's what big brothers were for.
. . . .
Itachi had been at Sasuke's penthouse for two days before he decided it was time to address the large technicolored elephant sitting in the room. They were sitting down at dinner. "So when are you going to tell me why you are living separately from Naruto, aren't wearing your wedding band, and your kitchen and office are stocked with more booze than a Las Vegas bar?"
Sasuke froze with a bite of food halfway to his mouth.
"I filed for divorce a year ago. Naruto doesn't live in the area anymore," Sasuke stated this casually, as though he were talking about the weather. But Itachi wasn't fooled.
"What happened?"
Sasuke put his fork down. There was no pretending that he was going to eat anymore. For all the people that had asked him, he had never answered this question. But refusing to answer Itachi was an entirely different matter. He knew this conversation was not likely to go they way he wanted it to. But that didn't mean that he wouldn't try. He fixed Itachi with his most formidable Uchiha 'back-the-fuck-off' glare. "We grew apart. It was time to end it, so I did."
Itachi looked at him for a moment in almost disbelief. "Of course. So that is why you are drinking yourself into a stupor almost every night, and spent the first two months after the breakup fucking anyone who was willing. Which, for you, is a considerably long list. And all this because you had 'grown apart'?" Itachi even used the finger quotations. Not a good sign.
"You've been catching up on old news, I see," Sasuke said, refusing to look away. He would not be apologetic for what he had done. It was no ones business but his. And Naruto's.
And evidently his big brother's. "That's what Google was invented for, little brother. So are you going to tell me what happened, or would you rather I looked into it myself?"
Sasuke forced himself not to rub his temples in frustration. Part of him really wanted someone to talk to. He had prayed those first few months after the breakup that his brother would wake up so he would not have to face this alone. But time had passed, and the wound had started to close over. The memories of Naruto had faded a little, and he didn't wake up every night sweating and shaking, dreaming of him anymore. Now it was only once a week, sometimes less. He could go to work, and no longer expect to see Naruto walking out of a room, or coming into his office, or slammed up against his door...
Did he really want to re-open all those feelings and memories again? But looking at the black and foreboding eyes of his older brother, he realized that he wasn't going to have much say in the matter. It was just as Itachi had said. Either Sasuke could tell Itachi now and get it over with relatively quickly, or Itachi would dig it up on his own. And the digging would be painful, and protracted.
"Naruto slept with at least two other people while we were married. I found out, and I ended it. Abruptly."
Itachi blinked in abject disbelief. He had known Naruto almost as long as Sasuke. He found the notion of Naruto cheating on Sasuke almost inconceivable.
"And you found this out how?"
Sasuke kept his expression carefully blank. "I received photos of Naruto in bed - in our bed - with two women. At the same time. Additionally, there were hotel records showing he had met these women separately on multiple occasions while he was on 'business trips'."
"There can be misunderstandings... photos taken out of context can appear to indicate something that isn't really happening."
"Maybe. But it's pretty hard to misinterpret Naruto naked in bed, with two women also without their clothes on, and one of the women's face in his crotch."
Ouch. Itachi took a breath. But it just couldn't be what it seemed. There had to be some explanation for this, and he was going to fucking find it. "Where did you get these photos and hotel records?"
"They were sent to me," Sasuke shifted uncomfortably. A dead giveaway. Clearly this was the weak link in the chain. It was the only evidence that Itachi had that Sasuke had some doubts about the information.
"Sent to you... anonymously? You ended a marriage with a man you had known and loved for more than a decade for a pack of anonymous information? Did you even verify it? Have you heard of Photoshop?" Itachi's disbelief at his brother's stupidity was almost overwhelming. How could Sasuke have been so easily manipulated? It had always been a weakness that Sasuke had when he was younger, especially after their parents' deaths. But he had really not thought that anything could turn him from Naruto. Naruto was his anchor. How had this all happened?
"Do you think I am an idiot? Of course I verified it. I had the photos professionally analyzed. They were stills from a video, and they could tell by the patterns in the background static that there was no pixel manipulation, no alteration of any kind. They were real. And I went to the hotels myself. They remembered Naruto... it's pretty hard to forget someone who looks like him. And they remembered the women he was with at the bar or at dinner. He was there. With them. Without me. And he never mentioned those meetings to me at the time. Naruto - who talks about everything." The bitterness of betrayal was dripping from his words. His hands were shaking, so he clenched him into fists to make it stop. This was exactly why he had never told anyone about this. He didn't want to remember the way he felt when he found out. He didn't want to think about this anymore. The two days Naruto claimed to be in the hospital, Sasuke had been visiting the hotels and having the photos examined, praying that it would turn out to be some trick, something that could be explained away. He didn't want to remember the sinking feeling in his stomach when everything turned out to be real. He stalked over to the kitchen and poured himself a large glass of vodka from the freezer. Itachi had already noticed the alcohol. There was really no point in hiding it. Itachi's eyes narrowed as he watched his brother, but he didn't comment.
"Did you talk to him about it?" But of course Itachi already knew the answer to this. He knew his brother well enough to know he would have gone into self-protection mode, just as he had done when he had found out about their parents' deaths. He would have shut down and withdrawn to try to minimize the emotional damage. Fuck.
Sasuke laughed. It was a horrible, hollow sound. "I told him I had caught him, and he didn't deny it, or even question what I was talking about." Sasuke thought of that night at their house, their last night together. He had hoped that Naruto would somehow deny it when he had accused him of wanting to have sex with other people in their bed, that he had been caught. But Naruto had just ignored the accusation and thrown it back at him. "But I didn't bother showing him the photos as well. I mean, really, what was he going to say? 'Oops, we all tripped and somehow our clothes all fell off when we landed on the bed and then her mouth accidentally connected with my dick?' I saw the photos. There's really not much room for interpretation there. I didn't need the blow-by-blow of how long it had been going on or how many others there were. It was over. There was nothing to discuss," Sasuke's voice was sneering and bitter, but he could see the underlying pain and loneliness. It made Itachi bleed for him. He felt a cold anger and sense of purpose wash over him. Well, he needed motivation to get through the next months of physical therapy to get his strength back. And he had fucking found it. No one messed with his brother.
. . . .
The next day, while Sasuke was at work, Shikamaru found himself summoned to the Uchihas' apartment. Itachi was seated at the kitchen table, having just returned from his first session of physical therapy for the day. His body might be weak, but his mind was focused as ever. "I want you to tell me everything you know about what happened between Naruto and Sasuke, and where Naruto is now."
Shikamaru swallowed nervously. Itachi was incredibly protective of his brother. And incredibly dangerous when angered. But Shikamaru had seen, as few others seemed to recognize, that Sasuke was destroying himself. If anyone could pull his friend out of his downward spiral, it was the man sitting before him.
"I don't know what caused the split. I can honestly say that Naruto didn't either. I haven't seen him in almost two years, since Sasuke put the divorce proceedings in motion -" Itachi's head snapped up at that deliberate choice of wording, and Shikamaru paused.
"You mean the divorce isn't final?"
"No. Naruto won't sign the papers. He retained Gaara -" Itachi's eyes narrowed at that news... this would make things much more difficult. "And Gaara has been throwing every trick in the book to prevent us from filing contempt of court charges or getting it pushed through without Naruto's signature."
Itachi looked at Shikamaru. He had always respected this man's intelligence, and knew that it would be next to impossible to outmaneuver him in the legal realm, even with someone as skilled and determined as Gaara. Unless Shikamaru was willingly going along.
"What aren't you telling me about Naruto." It wasn't a question.
Shikamaru hesitated only a second. No matter how intimidating Itachi was, there was no doubt that he would see the truth behind things where Sasuke was too blinded with hurt to be able to. Shikamaru described exactly how Sasuke had ended the relationship with Naruto, and Naruto's clear bewilderment and hurt. Itachi sighed, recognizing the trademark Uchiha ruthlessness in his brother's actions, but regretting it nonetheless. "Itachi, when Naruto left here he had a complete mental breakdown. He... ended up in a hospital and almost died. He had lost over fifty pounds by the end, and took an overdoes of sleeping pills." Itachi blinked, the mental image of the happy, energetic blond almost killing himself was something he could hardly get his mind around. Shikamaru nodded in acknowledgment and continued. "Gaara won't tell me where Naruto is, but I don't think he is in the country anymore. He hasn't made contact with any of his friends or business contacts since Sasuke threw him out of their house. Gaara says he has been recovering since then, but - he's in at least as bad of shape as Sasuke. Whatever Sasuke thinks Naruto did, he didn't."
A tension that had nested in Itachi's stomach uncurled slightly. He trusted Shikamaru's judgment. And his own. Whatever had happened, he was sure that Naruto didn't do this. It was always easier to take down an enemy that you didn't like. He wouldn't have to go after Naruto.
"Does Sasuke know?"
"No... Gaara only agreed to keep me informed if I promised not to tell Sasuke. He said he 'didn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction'," Shikamaru grimaced.
Itachi narrowed his eyes again, but didn't argue. He would feel the same way if roles were reversed. But it was painfully clear to Itachi that things were not what they appeared to be. He had to get his hands on those photos and hotel records. He wondered where Sasuke kept his safe. If only so much time hadn't passed. If only his brother hadn't done what he had. If only he hadn't been in a coma. So many wrong turns. Itachi sighed. The hard part would be to get Sasuke to acknowledge that he even had any interest in fixing things.
"Don't let Gaara finalize the divorce until we know what really happened," Itachi stated flatly. Shikamaru looked skeptical. What was it with these Uchihas thinking he could make Gaara dance to his tune? They were both insane. But he would try. And he knew that Gaara cared for Naruto. It's possible that he could be persuaded that this was the right thing.
"I'll try. But it might become necessary at some point for you to talk with him directly if Naruto gives in and signs the papers. Gaara backed off a bit when he saw what a mess Sasuke was becoming, but he still is going to do what is best for Naruto."
Itachi nodded slowly. He would need to get his strength back. He hated being weak, be it physically or mentally. Mentally, he didn't have to worry any more. He was fully back. But physically... it was going to be a long recovery. And he was going to make sure that Sasuke got back on track, with or without Naruto. Itachi spent the rest of the afternoon pouring bottles of alcohol down the drain while on the phone with the head of every department from both the family corporation and Sasuke's own. By the time Sasuke came home from the office, Itachi had a list of things for him to do that was so long it would take him at least 6 months to be even halfway through. He didn't even leave his brother time to pitch a proper fit about all his alcohol being missing.
Itachi smirked, watching his brother stomp off to his room like he was still a teenager. It was good to be the older brother.
-xXx-
It had been an exhausting month since Itachi had come home, but a healing type of exhaustion. With Itachi pushing him, Sasuke had thrown himself back into work with ferocity, replacing his addiction to alcohol with an addiction to work. He only took breaks for helping Itachi with his physical therapy. It gave him a sense of purpose, and he finally felt the haze lifting that he had been living under for the past two years.
The only problem was that Itachi would not let his marriage to Naruto go. He kept asking Sasuke to let him have the photos and hotel records so he could look into it. Sasuke didn't want to look into it anymore. He had done that already, and was finally starting to be able to function normally again. The absolute last thing he wanted was to get sucked back down into the hell of hoping it was some sort of mistake, only for it to be proven real. Again. There is no way he would take that emotional risk. He couldn't imagine anything that would convince him otherwise, and had told his brother as much. He wasn't interested in Naruto or their past relationship anymore. It was done and he was over it. He knew that Itachi had searched through both their houses, and all the company properties looking for it. But Sasuke just ignored him. He was finally getting his feet back under him, and he wasn't about to be knocked down again.
Sasuke was standing in the corner of the office lunchroom, waiting for his tea to steep. He had been working through most of the night and was feeling exhausted. He tried to ignore the sounds of the chatter from the workers behind him, but they were annoyingly loud. He vaguely recognized several of them as belonging to the marketing and creative advertising groups. Figures - loud and talkative as usual. He tried even harder to shut them out. The new head of the group had started today... Suigetsu, he recalled his name was. He was the 5th person to take on that role in two years. Karin, also in marketing, was sitting next to him. She had just been hired in the past month, but apparently she and Suigetsu had known each other for quite some time. Hopefully they would stay. He was tired of hiring someone new into those roles every few months. They just hadn't been able to really find a replacement for - he shut himself off from thinking about that, looking at his tea to see if it was ready yet.
"Karin, you have to come to the Onyx club this weekend," Suigetsu was talking in an annoyingly loud voice. "You haven't been there in months! Yahiko has been chasing this new artist and has actually been turned down at least twenty times by the guy. No one can believe it."
"Yahiko? Since when does anyone turn down Yahiko? He usually barely has to look at someone and they jump him. Especially an artist. Doesn't this guy realize that Yahiko runs one of the most influential art galleries in Japan? Not to mention being unbelievably hot and a total legend in the sack?"
"No, this guy, Naruto, totally fucking knows. Yahiko is actually the one who brought him over. He was painting in Andalusia, and his godfather somehow knew Yahiko from way back and sent him some pictures of this guy's work. I swear Yahiko had a hard on for him before he even saw him. You should see his paintings. They are seriously dark... made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. But then you meet the guy, and he's like this blond haired, blue-eyed, innocent looking Adonis." Suigetsu was completely oblivious to the abrupt silence that had fallen in the lunchroom at the mention of that name, nor did he notice the sudden and utter stillness of the dark haired man holding his now-forgotten tea.
"Are you sure that Yahiko is the only one falling for this guy? You sound pretty into him as well," Karin teased.
"Well, I generally prefer girls, but this guy is worth the swing," he waggled his eyebrows expressively. "But I don't have a chance if Yahiko is after him. Even Konan is eyeing him, and she has never looked at anyone besides Yahiko, despite their open relationship. Everyone is just waiting for Yahiko to bag him before they make their move. I mean, if they guy won't even say yes to Yahiko, what chance do the rest of us have? Besides, I think he's starting to give in. There is definitely interest there on both sides. But evidently Naruto is pretty messed up about relationships or something." Suigetsu shrugged, as though this was a minor inconvenience soon to be brushed aside.
"He seems stable enough now, but he definitely was in free fall when he painted some of his stuff. Holy shit. You need to see it. You'll freak out it is so good. Yahiko is planning a big exhibit next week at Akatsuki Galleries, though the guy seems a little uncomfortable about which pieces he'll display to the public, so they've been arguing about it. Anyway, you know Yahiko and his obsession with "soul tormenting pain"... it was love at first sight for him. And they really hit it off right away, but Naruto had totally friend zoned him. Can you imagine? Yahiko blue balled," Suigetsu was laughing again. "Every time he'd try making a move on the guy, the blond would just send him flying and laugh it off. But then last week," Suigetsu lowered his voice a little, clearly getting into his gossip, and still failing to notice the way necks literally craned to hear what he was saying. "Friday, he had pinned Naruto up against the wall, but instead of shoving him off, Naruto just flipped him so their positions were reversed, and told him not to get too far ahead of himself assuming what their roles would be. Can you imagine? Yahiko bottoming? And the smile that Yahiko gave him was so fucking hot I couldn't believe that he didn't jump him right there, but Naruto just turned and walked back to the bar and finished his beer. Everyone is placing bets now to see if and when the deed will get done. Not to mention who will top," Suigetsu said, snickering.
"God, you should see what Yahiko has tried to do to this guy. Two weeks ago, someone started a poker game in one of the back rooms at the Onyx, and Yahiko and Naruto were the only two left in the hand, and Yahiko makes this insane bet with Naruto that if he loses the hand, he will stop hitting on Naruto, but if he wins, Naruto has to let everyone do body shots off him. And Konan totally helps Yahiko cheat to win. Even the kid saw it, but he just rolled his eyes and said something about people being so desperate to see some fucking skin, pulled off his shirt and went and laid down on the bar. And you should see this guy's body. I mean, fuck me! He's all tan and hard abs, and he has this totally tribal tattoo on his stomach. Yahiko was just about cumming. I seriously thought he was just going to slap some shackles on the guy right on the bar and do him. But everyone was lining up to do shots from this guy's navel, and so Yahiko had to just stand there and watch everyone else lick this guy he's so hot for." Suigetsu was laughing so hard he was almost choking at this point, and he missed the nervous glance that Karin shot around the room as she became increasingly aware that literally everyone was listening to the lewd story that her friend was telling. Would they get fired for this? But Suigetsu was blissfully continuing.
"And then Konan actually climbs up on the bar and straddles Naruto, and bends over his abs like she is going down on him or something, and takes her shot. Man, I thought Yahiko was going to lose it. And Naruto is just laying there like he doesn't even care that the hottest chick in the bar is on him. I mean, he's got these tight black jeans on, so you could totally see if he was into it or not, but it was just like -"
"Suigetsu!" Karin interrupted, clamping a hand over her friend's mouth. "Um... I think that people aren't used to these kind of stories being told in the workplace. Let's catch up over drinks tonight, ok?"
Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Fine. Why are people so up tight? I mean, it's not like I'm showing them the video of it."
"You took a video?" Karin asked.
"Well, I'd hate to say anything that would make you uncomfortable -"
Karin just glared and grabbed Suigetsu's phone. "Hey! I have private videos on that you bitch!" He lunged to grab it back and she raced out of the room, Suigetsu following, leaving the heavy awkward silence behind them as everyone remaining in the lunchroom tried very hard to NOT look at the dark haired CEO who walked stiffly out of the room.
Sasuke closed the door to his office, wondering who he knew that would be able to hack into someone else's cell phone, and what the penalty for something like that was. He had just sat down when his phone rang. He looked at the extension, and picked it up.
"What, Shikamaru," he bit out.
"Cheerful. You should be. I just received the final divorce agreement from Gaara. Naruto signed it. I'll go down and file it today."
"Wait," Sasuke felt a small thread of panic snaking through his stomach. Were his hands clammy and shaking? What the fuck? "It's been two years since I've looked it over. Can you just drop it by my desk for a final review before we file?"
Shikamaru silently breathed a sigh of relief. When Itachi had told him to go ahead and tell Sasuke about the signed agreement, Shikamaru had thought maybe the man was giving up on this after all. But apparently he knew his little brother quite well. Of all the filings, this last one was strictly boiler plate. A standard government form. There was nothing to review. Why was Sasuke asking for it? A flicker of hope came to life in Shikamaru. Sasuke was evidently having some serious second thoughts. Shikamaru wondered what had brought them on. "Fine, I'll drop it off before I head out for the day." He hung up the phone with his boss just as someone burst through his door. Something about a video of Naruto in the lunch room?
Sasuke just nodded, even though he knew his friend couldn't see him, his mind focused on the mental images that the overheard conversation had put into his mind. Images that he had been trying hard to block out for over two years. Evidently Naruto was back in Japan. And ready to move on. Suddenly Sasuke wasn't sure he was ready to let him. Maybe Itachi was right. Maybe it was worth one last fight after all. He needed to see Naruto.
-xXx-
Stalking was such a strong word. Sasuke preferred to think of it as... following an interesting lead that a fellow employee had mentioned. For reasons that he didn't want to fully explore, he had felt a visceral need to see Naruto when he learned he was back in Japan. For so many months after the breakup, Sasuke had been looking, searching the faces on the streets, in the night clubs, anywhere he went for even just a glimpse. But there had been none. And now, suddenly, he was back. Sasuke walked into the Onyx club on Friday night, and was instantly enveloped by the dark, pulsating music. The Onyx was not a dance club, like the ones Sasuke had frequented. It was much more intimate, with its unusual interior architecture more composed of secluded alcoves, the floor disjointed with several small areas raised up or lowered down, surrounded by beams and cloth draped around them. Sasuke stood for a moment, absorbing the atmosphere and finding himself strangely drawn to it. He waited for his eyes adjust to the dim light.
There was a small stage in the center for live music and a bar just to the left of it. A figure at the bar immediately caught Sasuke's attention. Naruto. Sasuke immediately pulled back into the heavy shadows of the nearest alcove, which appeared to lead to a balcony over the club entrance. Naruto was sitting on a stool with his back to the bar as he watched the band. His elbows were resting on the bar behind him, and the position drew attention to the defined muscles in his arms and pulled the black tank top he was wearing tightly across his chest. He was so much the same, but different, too. Still blond and tan, but somehow his body looked leaner and harder than it had before. Sasuke's fist clenched at the force of the feeling of possessiveness and desire that surged through him as he looked at his former lover. Why did he still feel this way, after all that had happened? Why was it still only Naruto he wanted in this way? God, he'd missed seeing him. Just looking at him. Something he had been deprived of for almost two years. But now, feeling the desire fisting inside him again, Sasuke realized that maybe it had been a good thing he hadn't seen Naruto before. He might not have been able to end the relationship otherwise. He knew he should walk away now, but he just couldn't.
Naruto's face was shadowed, so Sasuke couldn't read his expression, but he could tell he was talking to the man next to him. Sasuke instantly disliked that man. He had red hair, and multiple piercings. But he was definitely attractive. And definitely interested in Naruto, watching people approach them with a proprietary air, and glaring at anyone who got too close to Naruto. When he got too overt about it, Naruto would roll his eyes and nudge him with his elbow. Must be the infamous Yahiko, Sasuke thought with a mental sneer. He's not THAT hot, he thought, then instantly was annoyed at himself for the show of jealousy. Even if it was in his own mind.
Naruto threw back his head and laughed at something that Yahiko had said, and Sasuke felt his stomach twist at the sight - a pull of equal parts lust and jealousy. Why, after all this time, did the feeling of overwhelming attraction not fade? Why was it only Naruto that made him feel this way, despite his betrayal? Images slammed through his mind of their bodies twined together, and the searing pleasure that had always come of their couplings. The sense of belonging that had made him feel whole and human. Looking at Naruto casually lounging at the bar, Sasuke tried to shut down thoughts of just walking over and running his hands over Naruto's stomach. And that tattoo that Suigetsu had mentioned... Sasuke was suddenly very curious to know what it looked like. Exactly. Even thinking about it made Sasuke's pants start to feel tight. What am I doing here? he thought angrily, adjusting the front of his pants slightly. I don't want him back. He forced himself to think of the pictures that had ended it. But the sordid image in the photos just seemed so disconnected with the person he knew Naruto to be. The person who was in front of him, still seemingly... untouched wasn't the right word, but he had seen Naruto casually turn down at least four advances from pretty attractive potential partners. And he wasn't doing it for the guy he was sitting by. There had clearly been zero interest in Naruto's expression.
But there was interest for the man he was sitting next to, and it made Sasuke's blood boil. While Naruto casually pulled away from the flirtatious touches of most people, he was allowing the pierced man to rest his hand so that it touched Naruto's forearm. And when their knees brushed, Naruto would just glance over and raise an eyebrow. And the smile that Yahiko sent him... Sasuke knew that look. And it was really pissing him off. He had noticed that the man was quick to refill Naruto's drink whenever he had finished one, but Naruto was drinking at his own pace, not getting himself smashed. Yahiko finally leaned over and said something in Naruto's ear, and Sasuke felt almost queasy when he saw the slow blush form over the tan cheeks. After a slight hesitation, Naruto nodded and the two got up and walked over toward Sasuke.
Panicked at the thought of being discovered, Sasuke slipped out the doorway to the street. Voices sounded above him, and he realized that the two had made their way to the balcony that had been directly behind where he had been standing.
Their voices drifted down to him
"Yahiko... this is not a great idea. I've had a little too much to drink. And don't think I didn't notice you trying to help that along, by the way." Naruto rolled his eyes when Yahiko just shamelessly shrugged.
"You need a little loosening up."
"And you're volunteering for the job?"
"I know you're attracted to me," Yahiko's voice was husky. Sasuke started to get pissed off again.
"Yeah. But that doesn't mean it's a good idea to just go for it. For either of our sakes."
"Why?"
"Look, Yahiko. You are in an open relationship, so I know you aren't looking for anything serious. And I'm not into casual sex. You know I was with Sasuke for a long time, and what a huge mess that ended up being."
"That ended two years ago. What does that have to do with anything now?"
"It's just... well... I've never really... been with anyone other than Sasuke. And I don't know that I'm ready to just jump right in yet."
Sasuke froze, trying to understand what Naruto was really saying.
"Wait. Are you telling me... are you honestly telling me... that you haven't had sex since you and Sasuke broke up two fucking years ago?" Yahiko seemed both shocked and amused.
"Fuck you. I was pretty messed up for the first year after the break-up. It took me a year to just physically recover. And longer than that to get my shit together mentally."
"Messed up?"
"I landed in a hospital. Whatever. Long story, don't want to talk about it. But, I finally got my shit together. And for the past year, I've been just focusing on who I am. I don't want to be part of someone else anymore. I'm finally comfortable with myself as a completely separate, individual, functioning human being. And I don't want that to change. I don't want a relationship. But I also don't want to just fuck around." Hospital? Naruto was in a hospital? Sasuke felt rooted to the spot as the words floated down to him.
Yahiko laughed softly. "Naruto. I'm not asking you to marry me. And I'm not thinking of you as just a fuck. Can't there be a middle ground, like normal people have? I like you... I think you are interesting, talented, and... incredibly attractive. There is a connection between us. You feel it, too. We have experienced the same darkness. Whatever this is, I think we would enjoy each other for a while, or even just for tonight. As friends, but still two completely separate, individual, functioning human beings." He leaned in kissing just below Naruto's ear, grinning wolfishly. "And I have to say, the idea of having sex with you when you have been abstinent for two years is pretty fucking hot."
Naruto shivered. God it had been so long. And he wanted this. He liked Yahiko. And Yahiko wasn't asking for something serious. Could he do this? Was he ready? Yahiko leaned in, his body flush against Naruto's. And a heat he hadn't felt in two years seared through his body.
"Friends with benefits, huh?" Naruto asked. Trying but failing to keep his voice unmoved.
"Friends with un-fucking-believable benefits. Your body is definitely ready to move on, you little nun," Yahiko said huskily.
"Heh. Fuck you... after two years my body would probably be ready to move on with an inflatable doll. And don't get your hopes up on the nun thing. I don't role play on the first date," Naruto gasped as Yahiko's hand slid down his erection through his jeans.
"No role play tonight, huh? How do you feel about bondage then," Yahiko said suggestively, beginning to unbutton Naruto's shirt while grinding against him.
"Holy god, Yahiko," Naruto's voice was shaking. Sasuke clenched his fists, remembering that sound so well. He needed to get the hell out of here. It was pretty clear now where this was going, and he didn't want to hear it play out to its obvious conclusion. This was bad enough.
"Let it go, Naruto. It's past time. Have some fun with me tonight," Yahiko's voice had gone back to its seductive rasp.
"Ok... ok," Naruto said, his voice raspy with arousal.
"Let's get out of here," Yahiko said.
Sasuke stumbled as he walked quickly to his car. He sat behind the wheel, frozen. All this time... he waited for me all this time. He had known Naruto almost his whole life. And he would bet almost anything that Naruto was not lying. What guy would admit to that kind of vulnerability and sexual inexperience if he were trying to score? But it couldn't be true that Naruto hadn't had sex with anyone other than him. He had the fucking photos. All he had wanted to do was go back in and grab Naruto out of there. But he had no right. And after everything that had happened, Naruto would likely just throw him off the balcony if he tried. The last thing he needed was more public humiliation over the end of his marriage. Nothing was making sense. Sasuke felt his head spinning. Could he have made a mistake? He felt his stomach drop at the thought. He had been so sure. He had checked so closely. But now... he didn't know what to think. There was only one thing to do at this point.
. . . .
Sasuke walked into Itachi's room at two in the morning, dropping a folder down on the surprised man's lap as he instantly woke up.
"There. This is what I received. Now you tell me how this is not real."
Itachi opened the folder, and looked at the pictures for several minutes. He decided not to mention to Sasuke that Naruto had made an appointment with him on Monday to sell him his part of the business. "I think we need to call in Hyuuga Hinata and Haruno Sakura and ask them directly. Yes?"
"Fine. And I also want to find out about Naruto being hospitalized after the break-up."
Itachi looked at his brother, wondering where he had heard that information. Something had happened tonight. He considered all the potential barriers that were going to be in Sasuke's way if he decided he wanted another try with Naruto. "If you want to find out what happened to Naruto after you dumped him, you'll have to go see Gaara."
-xXx-
to be continued... .
*of course, Shima is not actually a geezer toad in this story... just a geezer man. :-) But he still teaches Naruto meditation and helps him to become stronger.
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The Thin Line Between Love and Hate - COMPLETE