Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Not good enough?	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 4480 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto owns the rights. No profit is made

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
Author's note: And here's the final part! It took me a bit to write it and rewrite it and add things etc. but I finally managed to finish it (it took me a month to post an entire birthday fic, damn)
I hope it doesn't feel too rushed; I rewrote it a few times and this was the best I could come up with *sweatdrops*
Warnings: drama; angst; open ending (you'll see what I mean at the end); time skip. Oh and the new character mentioned in this chapter is actually someone from the series - I just didn't mention the name, because you can imagine him who you want him to be. (More information about that at the end)
Thanks to the following reviewers: Athrun434 and pssnangel4
I hope you'll enjoy this last chapter!

Part 3
Sasuke hadn't been willing at first to agree with my condition. It was no wonder; he always liked to be in control and with this particular condition he would practically give it away. However, while I might have changed during the last year, my stubborn streak was still present and after a few hours of arguing, shouting and putting my foot down, Sasuke finally agreed to inform his family about our relationship at the next gathering.
I was so pleased that the rest of the night was spent in bed, our bodies sliding easily against each other, while we fell into a comfortable rhythm. For the first time in months I felt hopeful again and a spark of happiness was cautiously spreading throughout my body. I admonished myself, told myself I shouldn't get too excited yet, not until I heard Sasuke informing his parents, but I couldn't hold back the giddy feeling that was cradling me in its grip.
Finally, finally, after all those years of hiding, after all those months of dressing up as a girl, finally Sasuke would inform his parents and while I wasn't that naïve to expect a positive reaction immediately, it was enough that our relationship would finally be in the open.
The sun was slowly rising when we finally collapsed in a sweaty heap on the bed.
"Hm, love you," I murmured sleepily and I closed my eyes, letting sleep take me over.
A kiss was brushed over my lips. "Love you too."
For the first time in a long while, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The next family gathering turned out to be two days after Christmas. For – hopefully – the last time I put make-up on and forced myself in a red dress that swished around my ankles every time I took a step while putting the hair of the wig in a high ponytail.
The few hours between waking up and departing to the Uchiha Manor had Sasuke stalking through my home, snapping through the phone at whoever had been unfortunate enough to pick up the phone. His forehead was creased with annoyance and I had lost count of the times he had raked his hand through his hair.
I was watching him from my spot on the couch while I sipped from a mug filled with coffee. I knew he was nervous. He only acted this rude and snappish towards other people if he was feeling nervous or uncomfortable. And while I did feel sympathetic for him and didn't want him to be this nervous, I also couldn't help but be excited that he would finally acknowledge me as his lover in front of his family. I had been waiting years for this and I couldn't wait until the whole gathering was over and they finally knew who Sasuke really loved. It wasn't Manami, but me, Naruto.
I had to stifle a smirk when I imagined Fugaku's spluttering face when he heard the truth.
Sasuke passed me by once again; his explanation of a case riddled through with curses.
Shaking my head, I walked to the kitchen to put my empty mug in the sink and then went to Sasuke so that I could rescue the unfortunate employee to whom he was talking.
"Sasuke, I think he understands it now," I murmured and pressed a hand against his shoulder.
Sasuke stopped and black eyes searched my face. He narrowed them, pursed his lips and for a few seconds I thought he would ignore me and continue berating the poor employee about whatever he had done wrong in the preparation of a case.
But no, he sighed and told the employee to leave the file on his desk before he cut off the conversation.
"Too bad he didn't understand it sooner," he muttered darkly and pocketed his phone.
I rolled my eyes and gave him a quick peck on his lips. "Everyone makes mistakes," I reminded him and he scoffed.
"That doesn't mean we can afford those mistakes. Especially not with this particular client," he pointed out with a grimace.
"Well, this particular client will have to wait," I announced and turned around to grab his jacket. "Otherwise we'll be late and you know how your mum gets when we're late."
He snorted and murmured something underneath his breath, which I ignored.
During the entire car ride, I tried to calm down. Butterflies were fluttering around in my stomach and I clasped my hands together to avoid wrinkling the dress. The evening before I had let Haku know through a message what Sasuke had promised to do and he had bid me good luck. I still didn't know whether to consider his message as positive or negative, but honestly I didn't have the courage to call him and ask for further confirmation. He had told me quite clearly what his exact thoughts were about Sasuke and the incident with the women's lingerie and after that particular conversation, I didn't have the energy to talk more about it. To be honest, I just wanted to forget what had happened during the birthday party of Sasuke's grandmother and his peculiar gift and concentrate on the fact that after today I wouldn't need to hide anymore. After today Manami could disappear again and I could finally be with Sasuke in the open.
The car was parked behind a row of five cars, but instead of stepping out after killing the engine, Sasuke stayed seated, staring at the steering wheel.
"Sasuke?" I murmured and touched his hand.
He glanced at me and sighed. "Be prepared to run for your life after my father hears the news," he muttered darkly.
Weakly I smiled. "Your father will eventually give in. You're his son; nothing is going to change that."
"I really hope you're right," he said and slowly released the steering wheel.
"Besides, who else is willing to put up with the people you call your co-workers?" I said lightly. "Juugo is probably the only relatively sane one of the entire bunch."
He groaned and shook his head. "Don't remind me. It still amazes me that those idiots haven't been fired yet."
"There you have it. Everything will be all right, you'll see." I hoped I sounded confident. Honestly, I wasn't certain how Fugaku would react, but that he would be furious at first was practically a fact already. But after all Sasuke's accomplishments, the man should realise that in the end Sasuke was still the same person, only with a preference for men instead of women.
Sasuke gave me quick kiss on my mouth and then we both stepped out of the car, bracing the cold.
Despite my warm jacket, I was still relieved when we entered the warm hallway and I was immediately swept away by Deidara, who excitedly showed me his new chemistry set that he had received from his Uncle Sasori. I didn't need to look at Itachi to know that the man was pissed off with this particular present – which explained the obvious absence of the chemistry professor.
Deidara kept chattering about the various chemical solutions he could make with his set thanks to his uncle, showing me some vials with coloured fluids in them. He had pulled me towards a small table, so that I was sitting on my knees on the pillow in order to not tower over him. I didn't mind this particular place; as long as Deidara kept talking to me, none of the other Uchiha members would try to strike a conversation with me and honestly, it was fun talking with the boy, even if I didn't know much about chemistry.
When I next looked up, I noticed Sasuke catching his father's attention and saying something to him. Fugaku nodded and followed his son, who looked very pale – paler than he was already.
My heartbeat quickening, I hastily rose up.
"Aunt Manami?" Deidara looked at me with huge, questioning eyes.
I smiled weakly. "Sorry, Deidara-kun, I need to go to bathroom."
He nodded solemnly and returned his attention back to his chemistry set, transferring pink coloured water to another vial.
Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I made my way out of the room, catching sight of Fugaku turning around a corner. Praying that they wouldn't enter a room and close the door, I followed them. We passed a few waiters and turned around two more corners, until we were nearly at Sasuke's old bedroom. He must really want his privacy. They halted right in front of the room and I hid myself behind the corner, making sure none of my fake hair or dress could be seen.
The corridor was empty and because of the distance between Sasuke's old bedroom and the ballroom, I didn't have to fear someone discovering my hiding place and revealing my presence to the two men.
"You wanted to speak to me?" Fugaku's deep voice asked.
"Yes," Sasuke paused. "It's about Manami."
My heart seemed intent on beating straight out of my chest and I hoped my heartbeat wasn't as loud as I thought it was.
"What about her?"
"There is something I need to tell you about … her."
"Oh? Is there something wrong?"
"Well, it's … She is …"
Come on, Sasuke, I thought and bit my lip hard. Just say it. Say 'Manami doesn't exist. She is actually a he.' Just spit it out.
Please, just say it.
"She is what?" Fugaku asked confused. "Is something wrong with her? She looked fine earlier."
"It's … It's like this …" Sasuke stammered.
I closed my eyes and mouthed, "Please say it. Tell him the truth."
Please, Sasuke.
"Sasuke, stand up straight. I taught you better than to slouch like that," Fugaku scolded. "Now are you going to tell me what's wrong? I don't have all day."
Say it. Tell him the truth.
Please …
"I'm thinking of asking her to marry me next week. Do you think a spring wedding is possible?" Sasuke blurted out.
I didn't hear Fugaku's reply. I didn't hear their murmuring or the shuffling of their feet. I didn't hear the music that tried to enwrap me when I somehow found my way back to the hallway. I didn't register the question Konan asked me, but I heard myself giving her an answer. She nodded earnestly and handed me my jacket.
As if on autopilot, I pulled it on and without even waiting for Sasuke to join us downstairs, I left.
The door closing behind me sounded final.
He hadn't told him. Despite his promises, despite dressing up for months to please him and this family, despite everything – he didn't tell him.
He told them yet another lie.
I snorted bitterly and walked past the car. What had I expected? Had I really thought, hoped that Sasuke would come clean and tell his father the truth? How could I have been so stupid to expect him to keep this promise?
In the end, Fugaku's expectations were still more important.
What was I? What did Sasuke expect from me? That I would just keep dressing up like a girl for the rest of our time together? That I would just meekly follow with whatever lie he sprouted against his parents?
I had enough.
I had enough of dressing up like a girl; I had enough of seeing Sasuke doing everything just to please his father, because that bastard couldn't be content with the kind of sons he had now. I had enough of waiting for Sasuke to finally fulfil his promise to me.
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't go on dressing like a girl, constantly hiding behind the girly mask, because Sasuke didn't want to disappoint his father. I didn't want this feeling, this feeling of being inadequate, of not being good enough for Sasuke to inform his parents about me. I wanted Sasuke to be proud of who he was and not hide the fact that he was together with a man. I wanted him to tell his parents that he loved me, not a girl. I wanted to be able to tell everybody that I was together with him, that I loved him and I wanted to be able to show that by holding his hand in public just to give an example. I wanted to be able to kiss him in public without him looking around nervously and pushing me away as soon as he could.
I just wanted to know that I was important enough for him to stand up against his father. I wanted to know that he wasn't ashamed of our relationship.
But I guess I wanted too much. I wanted things that Sasuke was not capable of giving me now and I doubted for the first time that he would really give me those things eventually.
Was I patient enough to wait for the day that Sasuke would finally inform his parents of the truth? Was I strong enough to hide behind a girly mask for how long Sasuke wanted to play this charade?
The answer came to me like a piece of wood that rose up in the water: no, I wasn't patient enough. No, I wasn't strong enough.
I couldn't do this anymore. I just couldn't. No matter how much I loved Sasuke, I couldn't keep on dressing like a girl. I couldn't keep on wondering whether Sasuke actually preferred a girl next to him instead of me. I couldn't keep on doubting whether he made love to me instead of Manami.
I just wasn't capable of being what Sasuke wanted.
I just wasn't good enough for him apparently.
And that thought hurt a lot.
When I finally arrived home, the first thing I did was chucking off the dress, wig and shoes. I then called Haku and asked him whether I could come over for a few hours. He must have heard something in the tone of my voice, because he murmured his consent and asked whether I needed him to come over.
I didn't.
As soon as I hung up, I picked up a box which had contained some stuff I had ordered a while ago and started to collect everything Sasuke had left behind: clothes, toothbrush, some shoes, his cup, a bottle of cologne … I then put all his stuff in the box, which was just large enough to contain everything and taped it close.
Right when I put the tape away, I heard the door open and hasty footsteps nearing me.
"Why the hell did you leave so suddenly?" Sasuke snapped and when I turned around, I saw how frazzled he looked.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds. As much as I didn't want to do this, this couldn't continue. As much as I loved Sasuke, I just couldn't handle it anymore.
Haku was right: I knew what I had to do.
I just wished it didn't hurt so much.
"Your stuff is in that box," I murmured and jerked my head to the box standing on the kitchen table. "Return the key and leave."
"Naruto, what the hell is going on here? What do you mean 'my stuff is in that box'?" he asked warily and narrowed his eyes.
I clenched my teeth and glared at him. "So did your father think a spring wedding is possible?" I asked snidely and crossed my arms.
He stiffened. "You heard that," he murmured and he sounded vaguely choked.
"Yeah, I did. I told you this was your last chance, Sasuke! You blew it and now I want you out of here."
"Are you not overreacting? Can't we just talk …"
"We talked weeks ago!" I exploded. "I told you I couldn't keep doing this and you promised me you would tell your parents the truth next time we saw them! That was the fucking condition I gave you! Why the hell didn't you tell your father the fucking truth?!"
"It's complicated! You know how my father is! I just can't tell him out of the blue that I'm gay!" Sasuke snapped, glaring back at me.
"That's the thing with you, Sasuke," I laughed bitterly. "It's always complicated with you. But the truth is that you're just too scared to stand up against your father. You still try to please him instead of living your own damn life! How much of a coward can you possibly be?"
That made him snap. "You don't fucking understand anything! You don't have parents so what the fuck would you know about pleasing them or standing up against them? It's easy blabbering about standing up to your parents and telling them you're gay when you don't have to do it yourself! You never have to risk being called a disappointment by your father! You …" he fell silent and stared at me shocked. "I didn't mean to say that."
"We both know you never say anything you don't mean, Sasuke," I smiled sadly. "You're right: my parents aren't here anymore so I never had to tell them that I'm gay. Who knows, maybe my dad would have thought I was a disappointment. But I have never tried to hide who I really was. And I think I deserve someone who is proud to be my boyfriend and who doesn't need to hide his relationship from his parents, because he is ashamed to be seen with me."
"Naruto, don't do …"
"So I think it's best if we … break up," I said through the lump in my throat that seemed intent on strangling my voice. "I'm sick and tired of dressing up like a girl. I'm tired of wondering whether you really see me or Manami."
"I never saw you as …"
I cut him off again. I needed to say this before I broke down. Already I could feel the hot sting of tears pressing against my eyes. "It's probably selfish of me and you can call me selfish, but I want to be happy again. I want to be myself again. I want someone who is proud of me and isn't scared of showing me to his parents. I want someone who isn't ashamed of me. And I don't think you are that person anymore, Sasuke."
"But you love me."
If my heart wasn't already broken, it would have shattered instantly at hearing the broken, small voice of Sasuke, who was now staring at me with desperate eyes.
"You love me," he repeated as if he wanted to remind me of that fact. "And I love you. You know I do, Naruto!"
"I know, Sasuke, but it isn't enough," I whispered and my fingers clenched around my arms. "It is best for the both of us to break up. We're not good for each other."
"That's not true; you've always been the best thing in my life," he said without even looking uncomfortable and stepped forwards, his arms spread out in a gesture to embrace me.
I flinched and stepped back, trying to ignore the hurt look on his face. Why the hell had he decided to throw away his emotionless mask now? This would be so much easier if he wore his blank mask. It would be so much easier to pretend that he didn't really care about me if he stopped looking so hurt.
How had the situation changed so much that it seemed I was the bad guy now by breaking up with him?
"Sasuke, I can't do this anymore," I said and some of the desperation I felt must have slipped through my voice, because he halted and stared at me helplessly. "I just can't. I'm tired of this; this whole thing was supposed to only last a few months. It has almost been a year now and I'm sick of it. I just can't do it anymore."
"You don't have to," he suddenly said hastily, and his eyes flared up with something that resembled hope. "I know I screwed up now; I promised I would tell my father, but I didn't dare to do it. But I swear that I'll tell him next time we see him. I just want one last chance. One last chance and I'll tell my father next time that I'm together with you and that they can expect a son-in-law, but not a daughter-in-law. What do you think? We don't need to break up. I've been acting stupid, but that will all end soon. I promise. Just please, Naruto? Just give me one last chance."
I really wanted to agree. Every cell in my body screamed to agree with him, to give him just one last chance to prove that he meant us, meant our relationship. I didn't want to break up and Sasuke had offered me an alternative. Just agree with him and I could have him back in my arms. We could forget this particular argument, pretend it hadn't happened and Sasuke would tell his father the truth next time.
But he had made that promise so many times already and every time he had neglected to fulfil it. Could I handle him breaking his promise again if I gave him another chance? Could I risk it?
Even though I wanted to risk it … I didn't dare to anymore. I had always loved to take risks, but this time the risk just wasn't appealing enough. I didn't trust him anymore to keep his promise. I didn't trust him anymore to do what he said he would.
And what is love without trust?
"Naruto?"
His eyes were so hopeful, his arms still outstretched, ready to embrace me the moment I gave in. He looked at me expectantly, his lips slightly parted. Gone was the cold, blank mask; instead he displayed clearly how much he wanted me to agree and it would be so easy to give in, to let myself be swept away by his loving embrace and his soft lips and burning eyes.
So easy …
And yet so difficult as well.
Hearts weren't capable of shattering into tiny pieces, but I could swear mine did shatter when I finally shook my head and his face fell, his eyes showing his incredulity and hurt.
I swallowed and managed to choke out, "It's over. I'm done with this, with you. Please take your stuff, leave your key behind and leave."
"Naruto, you can't seriously …"
"LEAVE!" I shouted and smacked my hand on the counter, not registering the sharp pain that followed.
His movements were rather abrupt when he snatched the box off the table and threw the key on it; the sharp sound of the key hitting the wooden table resounded in the too silent room.
He looked at me with unreadable, dark eyes; an angry flush decorating his cheekbones. "I'm not giving you up. Not like this. It's not over yet."
"Yes, it is and I need you to leave now," I stated, clenching my fists tightly against my sides.
He opened his mouth, but closed it after a few seconds and after throwing me one last unreadable look, he left. Left out of the room, out of the building, out of my life.
"It was my decision," I muttered to myself and stared helplessly out of the window. "I'm the one who can't deal with it anymore. It's stupid to keep going on like this. I can do better than this."
Now if only I could convince myself of that.

The next few days passed by in a blur. I couldn't remember much of what I did during the days following my break up with Sasuke. I had left my home immediately after Sasuke had left and had crashed at Haku's place. I had kept myself rather well together on the way there, but the moment Haku had opened the door and had looked at me with concerned eyes, I had broken down. Tears had started pouring down my face; my body trembling with the force of my sobbing and I only vaguely remembered him steering me to the couch where he held me for what seemed like hours before the tears finally stopped.
He hadn't said anything; he had merely held me, my head resting against his thin shoulder, his hand caressing my sweaty hair. At one point Zabuza had entered the room, but he had left as silently as he had come in.
Eventually night fell and Haku offered me the bed in the guest room. Normally I would have refused, but now I didn't want to be alone. And I also didn't want to take the chance that Sasuke had returned to my home for some reason.
It was three days later when Haku finally asked me what I would do next.
"Do next?" I repeated apathetically and stirred my noodles with my chopsticks.
"Yes, do you have any plans?"
I looked up and narrowed my eyes. "Sounds like you already have planned something," I remarked and put the chopsticks down. I didn't feel like eating much today.
He hesitated and bit his lip, looking at me guiltily.
"Just say it," I sighed and rubbed my forehead.
"Have you considered taking up photography again?" he suddenly asked.
I blinked. Where had that come from? "Eh, I haven't thought about it lately. My job at the supermarket has kept me rather busy and with Sas …" I cut myself off, not feeling up to reminiscing about my ex-lover. God, I was becoming pathetic.
Haku shared a look with Zabuza.
"What?"
"Haku told me that you are able to produce some very good photos of whatever the subject is," Zabuza said calmly.
I stared at him and then at Haku, who smiled back encouragingly. What was going on? "Eh, yeah, I guess so, but it has been a while since I last took professional pictures."
"Even the nonprofessional ones looked very good," Zabuza informed me and I looked at him puzzled.
"Where are you going with this?" I asked wearily.
"My company is seeking a new photographer. The former one decided to go solo and since then we've been without a decent photographer," he explained and took a sip of his water. "We've been searching for a decent one for weeks now, but all the ones we've interviewed until now just aren't good enough. They are not bad; just not good enough to meet our expectations. However, Haku has shown me some of your work and in my opinion, your work is even better than that of the former photographer. And he ranked in the top three every time in several competitions."
Haku took over. "So we've been thinking that you could accept this job if you want. It would give you the chance to leave this town for a while and well, maybe a change of scenery is what you need now."
"What do you mean 'leave this town'?" I questioned bewildered. My head was spinning with the sudden onslaught of information and I didn't know what to think of it. Me taking a job as a photographer? Sure, during high school I had dreamt of taking up a job as a photographer, because I loved the thrill of capturing the subject in a perfect picture, but I had let go of that dream once I saw how much it would cost to study photography professionally. I didn't have the money for the studies and the equipment, so I had contented myself by just shooting pictures occasionally of my friends and sometimes nature.
Now I suddenly had the chance to become a photographer? Even though I didn't have any degree?
"Well," Haku hesitated before he pursed his lips and continued, "I think it's better for you to leave this town for a while so that you can start anew. You know: new city, new beginning and all that. It could help you clear your mind."
In a sudden flash of clarity, I murmured flatly, "You don't want me to remain in the same town as him."
He looked at me and replied cautiously, "I don't like seeing you in pain, but I think that this break was the best solution for the both of you. You both need time apart from each other and if you remain here, you'll probably run into him soon even if you don't want to and well …"
"You think I would take him back?" I asked and rubbed my temples. I felt a headache creeping up.
A pale hand reached out and touched my wrist. "Honestly, Naruto, you've always been a very forgiving person and while I don't think you should hold a grudge for the rest of your life, the fact stays that this particular relationship wasn't healthy anymore. I think you would forgive him soon even if he didn't make any changes in his life and that's not something that you need now. You deserve more than a hidden relationship and maybe you'll find something better if you leave this town for a while." His brown eyes looked at me worriedly.
"Nobody said you can never come back here, Naruto," Zabuza said calmly. "It's just that for the time being it's healthier if you and Uchiha stay apart and don't cross paths."
I stared down at my by now cold noodles and sighed softly. As much as I wanted to protest, Haku was probably right. The moment Sasuke made another attempt to apologize and ask for another chance would probably be the moment when I gave in and let him do what he wanted.
In the past few days I had picked up my phone various times, my finger hovering over the button while I wavered over the decision to call him and apologize, asking whether we could talk. Every time I had thrown down my phone on the bed again and stalked away to do something else, but the temptation was there. Even though Sasuke could be stubborn, he would probably agree to meet up and talk and that would be my undoing. If we talked again, there was little that would stop me from giving him another chance.
I missed him – more than I ever thought I would. Only once before had we spent more than two days without each other; there had been those three weeks during middle school when Sasuke had suddenly started ignoring me and all my messages until I had gone to his house and demanded he let me in. Back then I had only been worried that I had lost my best friend.
This time I had lost both my best friend and my lover. I had no illusions that Sasuke was willing to still be my friend after this. Sasuke had always been an everything or not type of guy – well, in most aspects of his life anyway. Either I gave him another chance and got my best friend and lover back or I would refuse to give our relationship another try and then I could most likely say goodbye to our friendship.
Well, that was certainly not a healthy relationship; I hated it when Haku was right. Maybe it was indeed for the best if I left for a while. I could start over again in another city. A city where nobody would know me except for Zabuza and where I wouldn't be haunted by the memories of my ex-lover. A place where I wouldn't have to hide anymore. A place where I could discover myself again, find out what exactly I wanted in my life.
Change would be good, right?
"Do I need to make some sort of portfolio?" I asked after a bout of silence.
Haku gave me a small smile and Zabuza started explaining what kind of pictures he expected to see in my portfolio.

After celebrating New Year with my friends while at the same time saying goodbye to them and promising them to call them regularly, I departed to a city a little more than three hundred and ten miles from my town, so that by the time the third week of January was rolling by, I had installed myself in a nice apartment on the sixth floor of a huge building. The apartment had the advantage of being relatively close to my new work place, which was good because it meant I didn't have to get up at a ridiculous early hour to arrive on time.
Zabuza had been put in charge of me as some sort of supervisor, but before I could receive my first assignment, I first had to prove my photography skills to the boss of the company (an old man named Tanaka) through various small photo shoots to show that I actually knew what I was doing. I didn't feel offended by it; I didn't have a real degree so he was taking a huge risk by hiring me.
After two months of various small photo shoots that varied from taking pictures of first time models, nature to photos with special effects, I was given my first real assignment.
I had to admit that taking pictures, developing them and seeing the end result was satisfying. I didn't think I would feel content doing this job in an unfamiliar city, but Haku had been right when he said I needed to get away from my hometown for a while. A change of scenery was exactly what I needed. Here I didn't have to look behind me to check whether Sasuke was in the same shop or worry that I would run into him on my way home.
Sasuke had tried to contact me several times during the time I had spent at Haku's house. Every time I had seen his name flashing across the screen I had to hold myself back from answering. After hearing my phone ring several times during the weeks before I left town, Haku had grown fed up with it and the day before I left the town, he had taken me to the store to get my number changed. I had refused at first; it wasn't like Sasuke was some kind of stalker who forced me to change my number to get rid of him, but Haku had been very persistent, not giving up until I finally accepted the new number (I was pretty certain the salesman had been relieved when we finally stopped arguing).
So here I was now: in a new city, in a new apartment with a new number that only a few people knew and a new job that kept me busy throughout the entire day and part of the evening as well.
Before I knew it the weeks passed and I met more people: co-workers who became friends and who invited me to go drink with them. Weekends were filled with developing films, catching a movie and calling my friends in my hometown to let them know how I was doing. Haku was the one who I called the most and he kept me updated on whatever had happened in my old town. One subject in particular he kept quiet about and I was both grateful and annoyed by it.
During the first few months my head had been filled with memories of Sasuke and I, often leaving me in a broody mood until I forced myself to pay attention to something else. However, time did heal some wounds – not all, I wasn't certain whether that would ever be possible with how deeply integrated Sasuke had become in my life before I left him – and soon I could spent a few hours doing something without thinking about him once. Those few hours turned into a day and that day turned into a couple of days in the week.
I still thought about him. How could I not? He had been there for me when I was at my loneliest and even though Haku was one of my best friends, Sasuke and I always had had a deeper bond, even without the romantic side to it. So no, I couldn't forget him. I wasn't planning to either. I didn't want to forget him. I just wanted to be able to think about him without feeling all the hurt and anger welling up, coupled with the shame that rose its ugly head whenever I spent too much time thinking about how long I had let that charade go on.
With every month that passed by, it became easier to think about him and it became easier to let go of the hurt and the anger until I woke up one day and realised that I had been living for fifteen months already in this apartment.
Almost sixteen months since I last had seen Sasuke. Fifteen months since I last had seen my friends, even though I heard their voices every week.
I realised I felt good. I was … not exactly happy – I didn't think I ever would be the happy Naruto from three years ago again, but I was content. Something which I hadn't expected I would ever be.
Coming to this city and accepting the job had definitely helped me and I made a mental note to buy an extravagant gift for Haku to thank him for giving me the push in this direction.
During a sunny day in May I met an interesting guy who was chosen to model for a particular eau de cologne brand; when I looked at him through my lens, the intensity of his eyes struck me and I nearly screwed up the first picture before I got a hold on myself. A tiny smirk lingered on his face throughout the entire photo shoot and by the time I had finished taking pictures of him, I was completely flustered and fumbled with my camera, nearly dropping it various times.
Two weeks later, he asked me out and before I knew what I was doing, I had blurted out an agreement.
The date had gone better than I expected; it had been a lot more fun than I thought the guy was capable of and it didn't take me long to decide to go on a second date with him. A second date was followed by a third date and then a fourth, until three months later I realised I was actually dating someone else. Haku had been ecstatic when I told him I had found somebody. I guessed I had a new boyfriend now which was a strange thought to consider, because Sasuke had been my first in all aspects of a relationship. But I felt good around him; he had dry, sarcastic wit, he was charming, knew what to say to make me relaxed, had piercing eyes that made my insides feel like jelly and when I finally took the last step and went to bed with him, I actually had to beg him to go faster because I couldn't take the slow, tender approach anymore.
He was everything I could wish for in a new boyfriend: charming, handsome, funny, not ashamed to be seen with me; he was a great kisser and great in bed. He made my heart flutter and me stammer whenever he looked me deeply into my eyes.
And yet …
And yet something seemed to be missing. I couldn't give myself completely to him. Something in me seemed to hold me back from surrendering completely to him and that puzzled me. What was wrong with me? I had finally found a guy who wasn't ashamed to be seen with me, who willingly took my hand in public, who had introduced me proudly to his parents as his boyfriend after five months – all those things I wished Sasuke had done and yet a part of my heart stayed closed off. I tried. I really did. And yet … and yet …
It was he who finally broke up with me. His otherwise sharp, glinting eyes had softened and his hands felt cool around mine.
"I don't think you're completely over your ex, Naruto," he murmured and squeezed my hands.
"But I am!" I insisted. "I really am. I love you, you know that."
Didn't that sound eerily familiar?
He looked at me with a vague smile on his face. "I love you too and I know you love me; I just don't think you're in love with me."
"Of course I'm in love with you," I protested and scowled. "I wouldn't be with you otherwise."
"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"
The sudden subject change threw me off and I stared at him bewildered. "What? What has that got to do with …"
"You do," he interrupted me calmly. "And I've figured out after you accidentally broke that one plate at my home that you tend to tell the truth when you're sleeping."
Suddenly I didn't like the direction this conversation had taken.
"You still want him, Naruto," he said softly and caressed with his thumb over my cheek. "You still love him and I don't think you'll ever be able to love me as much as you love him. And I deserve your love completely; not a part of it."
"But I do love you!" I gripped his wrists tightly, afraid he would disappear if I let go of him.
"I never said you didn't," he replied gently. "You just don't love me as much as you love this guy." He let out a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm actually jealous of a guy I have never met before. I don't know what kind of guy he is, but he must be an amazing piece of work to still have such a tight hold over your heart to the point that you call out to him in your sleep."
I opened my mouth … and then closed it again when I realised that nothing I said could convince him otherwise. Because he was right. Because no matter how much I liked him, there was always a part of me that kept thinking about Sasuke.
Funny how it always took other people to make me realise things about myself. Guess I wasn't that mature as I had hoped I had become.
"I'm glad I got to know you, Naruto," he smiled sadly and hugged me – for the last time I realised numbly.
And then he was gone. Out of my life.
I was left wondering whether I had fucked up the one good thing in my life – whether that thing was Sasuke or him was a question I couldn't – and didn't dare to – answer.

Haku insisted I came home to visit him in the weekend of my birthday. I guessed he didn't want me to be alone now that he had broken up with me and I was grateful to have such a good friend. Stamping the feeling down that I was running – again – I packed a light travelling bag and went back to my hometown for the first time in a long time.
Not much had changed in my absence: some roads had been fixed, some stores had closed down and new ones had opened up, but overall everything had stayed the same. Even my home was in the same state I had left it in (Haku visited it weekly to clean up a bit so that when the time came that I wanted to come home, I would have my home ready).
After dropping off my bag, I made my way over to Haku's house, taking in the new changes in the town.
He hugged me tightly as soon as he had opened the door. "God, I missed you," he murmured and I smiled, hugging him back.
"I missed you as well."
"Come in; you can tell me what's been happening in your life while we drink some tea," he smiled and guided me to the kitchen where he poured me a cup of green tea.
We quickly fell into our old routine of chattering about everything that came up into our minds so that it seemed as if I had never left. Only the new additions to Haku's home and his slightly longer hair reminded me that I hadn't been here for a long time.
I had been talking about a particular model, who was quite arrogant and annoying, when I noticed how silent Haku had become.
"Something wrong?" I asked and raised my eyebrow while taking a careful sip of my hot tea.
He smiled faintly. "Not really. It's just …"
"Just what?" I repeated.
"I'm not certain whether telling you would be a good or a bad thing."
"Would you stop being so damn cryptic and just tell me what's on your mind?" I asked exasperatedly, putting my cup of tea down on the counter.
"When you drove into town – have you noticed something different?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Some roads were fixed; the old pub seems to have disappeared and there is a new grocery store it seems. I haven't really paid attention to anything in particular. Why?"
"Well, some buildings were converted into something else. It's really remarkable how fast construction workers can be when a lot of money is involved," Haku mused and I narrowed my eyes.
"What are you saying?"
"There is a new lawyer firm," he said slowly. "It's been slowly overtaking Fugaku's firm when it comes to the amount of important clientele and rumours say that it won't be long before it takes the first spot in the list of most important and influential lawyer firms."
"Well, great for that person and it sucks for that old man, but I've never been interested in lawyers and all that stuff," I huffed and waved my hand impatiently. Sure, I felt a bit of guilty satisfaction that Fugaku was losing his power to a newcomer, but I didn't understand why Haku had been so worried about telling me.
"Do you know who the owner of the new firm is?"
"How the heck would I know? I haven't lived here for almost two years, remember," I snorted and shook my head.
"Uchiha Sasuke."
I froze, my eyes fixed on the counter top.
"Three months after you left, there was a big row in the Uchiha family," Haku continued softly. "I don't know the details, but I have heard from Kisame that the fight was between Sasuke and Fugaku." He paused to look at me and when I didn't reply in any form, he went on, "Sasuke apparently told him he was gay."
My breath hitched.
"Fugaku of course wasn't happy with that and basically disowned Sasuke. I don't know where he got the money – I'm guessing both his own funds and some help of some relatives – but Sasuke bought up an old building, ordered a crew to renovate it and started his own lawyer firm, which has been steadily rising in the list of influential firms for months now. He and his father don't speak to each other anymore. I'm guessing Fugaku would have been willing to forgive him if Sasuke hadn't told him who he loves."
"It's late; I think I'm going home," I muttered and turned around. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't bear to hear it.
Right before I could escape, Haku murmured, "When that guy loves, he gives his entire heart. Took him a long time to gather his balls, but well … Don't do something you'll regret."
Don't do something I would regret? Like what? I would just go home, take a quick shower, sleep and then come back here tomorrow to celebrate my birthday.
I wouldn't think about the new firm or about Sasuke's fight. I would ignore the entire last fifteen minutes of my stay at Haku's house and pretend I had misheard him.
The cold wind howling outside was quickly accompanied with the sound of heavy rain when I stepped into my shower.
Quickly lathering and rinsing myself, I exited the shower again and wrapped a towel tightly around my waist, while rubbing my hair dry with another one; trying to ignore my cramping insides. Without wanting it, my mind returned to the conversation I had had with Haku. I didn't know what Haku had intended by telling me that. What did he want to say? That Sasuke had changed? Well, obviously he had, if he had finally told his parents that he was gay. I frowned and I ruffled my hair roughly with the towel. Why had Sasuke suddenly decided to inform his parents that he preferred men? Was it because I …
No, I wouldn't think about that. It didn't matter anyway. I wouldn't see him. I would go to sleep now and then tomorrow I would celebrate my birthday with Haku, Zabuza and some of my friends and then afterwards I would leave again to my apartment.
No thinking about ex-boyfriends and their sudden change of mind. Not thinking about whether this meant …
I looked up when the doorbell rang loud and clearly through my home and I frowned. Who would be stupid enough to brave this weather? God, I hoped it was not a telemarketer. I seriously wasn't in the mood for that.
"I'm not interested in whatever you're offering, so you can go back to …" My voice died out when I finally registered who was standing in front of me.
Expensive suit sodden, dark bangs clinging to his rain soaked forehead, Uchiha Sasuke was standing on my porch. His dark eyes looked tired, but there was a strange fire burning in it.
"I told you I wouldn't give up on you," he murmured. "It took me a long time, but I found you again. Can we talk?"
I stared at him for a long time, taking in the small changes he had undergone while I wasn't here. A small cut near his chin made me suspect he had cut himself during shaving; his tie was crooked as if he had been pulling at it constantly and his jacket was a bit rumpled, as if he had hastily pulled it on, not caring whether it wrinkled.
He looked almost the same – but I knew we both had changed. Whether it was for better or for worse …
Don't do something you'll regret.
The old Naruto surfaced again for a minute and I stepped aside, clearing the doorway. "Yeah, we can talk," I replied and my heart resumed beating – as if it had ever stopped.
Before I closed the door, I saw the rain lightening up until a small streak of sunlight managed to wriggle through the heavy clouds and I smiled.
Even through the darkest clouds, the sun always managed to wriggle its way through. Sometimes it just took a while.

AN2: So what do you think of it? (I seem to be bad at writing endings ...). Now I actually have an idea in mind to create a side story (just a oneshot) where Naruto's relationship with the other guy would be put into more detail; his relationship here didn't get a lot of details because it wasn't that important for this story. Would you guys be interested in reading such a oneshot? And if so, who do you think this mysterious guy was? I have two people in mind, but I like to know which character you imagined when reading that scene :)
So let me know whether you're interested in reading a side story and or who you think the guy was.
(I can't say for certain when the side story would be posted, but at least it would be on my to do list)
As for what happens with Sasuke and Naruto after this: that's up to you ^^ I purposely made it an open ending so you can decide whether they give their relationship another try, whether they decide to stay friends or they live their lives seperately.
Cuddles
Melissa
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Not good enough?