Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

One Unfortunate Blonde	By : Provocative_Zephyr Category: Naruto Crossovers > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1544 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Naruto. I assure you, no profit is made from this work of fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
Five. Fucking. Hours.
Five hours of practically shoveling up black mold into a new garbage bag, scrubbing linoleum, ripping up carpets - regulations be fucked in the ass - unclogging drains, and sweeping and they were just now making a little progress.
Fucking twin. Shiro was now ready to break into his brother's apartment and break the rest of his precious electronics.
The albino continued to grit his teeth in utter frustration even as he scrubbed under his sink - from which an absolutely rancid rotten egg smell came from - growling to himself and giggling in hysteria. Naruto, standing behind the pale Kurosaki, sweat dropped.
"Ah…Shiro?" Shiro grunted in response. "How do you feel about taking a break?"
How did he feel? How did he fucking feel? "Of course I wanna take a break!" He jumped up in what could almost be described as excitement and threw off his gloves into the sink. Turning around, he caught his neighbor's amused glance before the blonde turned around to lead them out of the hell-hole that was now Shiro's home.
They made it into Naruto's house and Shiro had to stare in appreciation of what an apartment was really supposed to look like. It was clean…for the most part. Nothing was dirty, there were no stains, and no food over a day old laying around. The only thing he could see was a pile of books on the floor, an empty container of instant ramen on the kitchen table, and a blanket tossed haphazardly on the couch, as if someone had slept there recently. It actually looked cozy.
Sure, the couch was an ugly brown with some horrendously orange pillows; there was some paintings of ramen cups on the walls; and everything smelled like miso, but it was comfortable.
Naruto beckoned for Shiro to follow him inside further and the albino complied, allowing his host to seat him at the kitchen table and serve him lemonade. Shiro sipped idly as he watched, over the rim of his cup, his blonde neighbor work his way around his kitchen.
The kid truly had a nice body. He was so going to fuck him one day.
"So, Naruto," Shiro called on the blonde's attention, "Ya got any friends?"
The whiskered teen sent him a look, brow raised and semi-offended, Shiro chuckled in amusement; it was cute.
"A few."
"Heh heh, don' get offended now."
Naruto tapped a few buttons on the microwave to start the cooking of instant ramen before turning to look at the albino. "I'm not, tebayo!"
"Yep. That's why yer poutin' so cutely." The blonde flushed. Whether it was in irritation or embarrassment at being called 'cute', Shiro wasn't sure. It'd be amusing either way.
There was a brief silence before Naruto was saved by the timer going off, he spun around so quickly Shiro barely noticed it happening and busied himself with the ramen. The albino's neighbor quickly set the cup in front of Shiro along with some chopsticks before preparing his own food. Shiro uttered a quick thanks out of habit - blame Yuzu - before breaking into the steaming noodles. It was a couple minutes later that Naruto joined him, breaking into his own ramen with an almost disturbing reverence.
They ate in more silence; Naruto finishing before the albino despite eating after him. When they were done they cleaned up their mess, mentally preparing themselves for he chore ahead.
"So ya never answered my question."
Naruto shrugged. "Dunno what to say…they're an odd bunch, but they're great, tebayo."
They stopped in the hallway that would lead them outside, Shiro leaning against the wall, and Naruto standing a little in front of him. "Girlfriend?" The albino paused, smirking. "Boyfriend?"
The blonde smiled slightly. "Neither at the moment."
Shiro grinned. "Surprising."
"…I know what you're doing, tebayo."
"Eh?"
Naruto smirked. "You're trying to avoid cleaning."
"Heh…am I that obvious?"
It was partly that. Partly.

The carpet could be seen now, and Naruto was making good use of one of their neighbor's steam cleaner. Nagato, was it? The red-haired man lived across from Naruto in apartment 6 and actually seemed alright despite his generously-pierced body and tattoo/pierce parlor, Akatsuki. He was well-mannered, sort of quiet, and, according to Naruto, had two lovers. Heh, more power to him.
Shiro was scrubbing the kitchen, removing layers of scum, mildew, and build up as best he could…though it was obvious the blonde was getting further than him. Thankfully, they were about halfway done now. They had tackled the bathroom - it looked clean, which was fucked up - the bedroom was clear of trash, and all the closets were cleared. All that was left was cleaning carpets, the kitchen, and a shit ton of air freshener.
It was, however, nearly midnight and they were definitely not going to be ready by the time Grimmjow came by with all of Shiro's belongings. Well, maybe if they pulled an all-nighter, but there was no way in hell the albino was going to do that, or make his neighbor do that.
"Hey, Naruto." Shiro called. The steam cleaner went off and the man continued. "I'm ready to turn in, you?"
"Oh kami, yes."
They left Shiro's apartment in a rush, entering Naruto's like it was sacred ground and they were being chased by demons. "The shower's right across from my room…you can go first, I'll get you a pillow and stuff."
"Ya sure?"
"Yeah."
The albino grinned wickedly, "We could shower together, ya know."
Naruto flushed. "Shut up and go take a shower, you pervert." He had been at the pale Kurosaki's joking mercy for several hours now, and he had basically been brushing it off with little discomposure at this point.
"That a command, master?" It should be illegal to say 'master' that way.
"Go!" giggling perversely, Shiro finally gave some mercy to his attractive neighbor and went into the bathroom, starting the shower and gladly washing off the grime on his body.
When he came out, Naruto had put out blankets and a pillow down onto the horrendously ugly couch, hands noticeably cleaner than the rest of his body. "Got any clothes I could borrow?" he wore a black towel around his bottom half and the blonde flushed bright red when he turned around, eyes undeniably going to the muscular torso presented to him.
"Y-yeah." Naruto was quick to flee into his bedroom, rustling around audibly in his dresser. He came back, handing black sweatpants and a blue t-shirt that looked too small over to Shiro, eyes decidedly averted. "Here…."
"Thank ya."
The blonde nodded, then was quick to make himself scarce into the bathroom. "M-make yourself at home!"
Shiro quickly put on the black pants, noticing how they hugged him way tighter than any of his sweatpants - which was to be expected. He attempted the shirt briefly, but at a dangerous near-ripping noise, he forwent the blue cloth. Which worked out better anyway; he enjoyed seeing his sexy neighbor flustered.
The albino seated himself on couch, scanning the apartment a little more closely. There was a small T.V across from him, a pile of books nearby, and then a coffee table with a notebook right in front of him. Curiously, he sprawled across the couch to reach the books, and picked one up.
'Fishcake' by Jiraiya Sennin. A popular book by a famous author about a child who had no parents. Shiro had never read it and idly he flipped open to the first page, reading about the boy on the streets who was known as 'Little Fishcake' because of his love of the delicious additions to ramen. Almost without even thinking, the albino continued reading, making himself comfortable on the worn couch.
A little while later, Naruto came out of the bathroom, hair wet and dripping, and he paused at the sight of his neighbor reading one of his books. He swallowed when he took note of the man's bare back and the shirt left on the floor.
"Shiro?" he called as he reached for the discarded article.
The albino jumped slightly, glanced at the page number - 15 - and then turned to look at the blonde who had somehow finished his shower and gotten dressed without Shiro noticing. "Pretty good book. Jiraiya Sennin is a pretty celebrated author, ne?"
Naruto nodded. "Yeah….I have all his books."
"What…is he an idol of yers or something?"
"I guess."
Shiro noticed the man's unwillingness to talk about the subject and actually backed off. "Time is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
"That all? It feels later."
Naruto half-smiled. "Maybe it has to do with that disaster you call home?"
"Heh. I suppose that has something to do with it." they lapsed into silence, Naruto fumbling with the shirt still in his hands. "What ya got planned tomorrow?"
"Off day."
"Hmm…."
Shiro shifted from his spot on the couch and Naruto diligently stared at the floor, away from his abs.
"You -" they both started at once then cut off. Shiro raised a brow expectantly.
"You wanna watch a movie?" the blonde asked quickly.
Hell yeah. Movie nights are always a good sign! "Sure. What, ya want it dark in here, sunshine?" he winked mischievously and delighted at the blush caused afterwards.
"Whatever, tebayo…." Naruto quickly turned on the T.V. and Wii, then opened Netflix. From the limited options there, they agonized over what to watch.
"The Human Centipede." Shiro said, smirk plastered on his face.
"Shove the centipede up your ass!" the blonde quickly disagreed with the disturbing movie. "Uh…how about Wayne's World?"
"Paranormal Activity."
"The Notebook."
"Are you shittin' me?"
They scrolled through all the categories before stopping thoughtfully on anime.
"Death Note?" Naruto asked hesitantly.
Shiro nodded. "I could go for that. Raito's a sexy piece of eye-candy."
With a snort, the blonde complied, picking the first episode and settling down onto the couch next to his new neighbor.
A few hours later found them still watching Death Note obsessively.
"Ryuk and Light have some sexual tension going on."
"What the fuck?"
"Admit it. If Ryuk had a human form, you'd ship them."
"Uh…." Naruto shuddered. "I'll stick to L and Light, thanks."
"That works too. Anything's better than Misa." Shiro scowled. "Annoying lil' bitch."
And it continued on...until, as it would turn out, they'd pull an all nighter anyway.
Just a less productive one. Unless you considered a popcorn war and unhelpful commentary through the entirety of 23 Death Note episodes productive.
7 A.M rolled around and there was a loud banging noise from one door down. Namely, Shiro's door. Naruto, giggling from lack of sleep, announced the obvious into Shiro's ear with a stage whisper. "Someone's at your shithole!" he burst into laughter.
It was almost obnoxious but the overly-sleepy blonde was cute, and currently draped across the albino's lap, so he didn't mind. "Prolly Grimm-kitty." he continued to sit, wondering if he really wanted to bother with the blunette right now. He probably should, it would be rude to keep him waiting. But…for some reason he didn't really give a shit.
The blonde yawned. "Don't you think you should go talk to him?"
"And waste the opportunity of him not knowing where the fuck I am?" Shiro curled into the couch, dragging Naruto with him. "I don't wanna talk to him. He's an asshole." then something akin to a pout crossed the albino's lips. "He didn't get in trouble and I did…."
Naruto chuckled. "But he's got your stuff."
"…Shit. Forgot about that." the banging, which had been pretty consistent through their little exchange stopped abruptly when another door slammed open. "Pissed neighbor?"
The blonde paled. "Anyone one on this floor getting pissed could lead to bloodshed…." He hopped up and ran to the door just as loud voices echoed through the hallway. Shiro shrugged, sitting back and watching his neighbor look outside the door.
"What's wrong with bloodshed?" the albino asked himself.
Naruto on the other hand cringed as he saw Hidan outside, looking very pissed at what he presumed was Grimmjow. Tiredness forgotten he watched the two with bated breath. Hidan was swearing his head off at an irritable looking blunette in clothes that spoke of just getting out of bed. He wore a leather jacket with a sweater underneath, very worn sweatpants, and fluffy leopard print slippers. Naruto sweat dropped.
"Keep it the fuck down, you sky-haired little bitch or Lord Jashin will make you pay in blood and AGONY." Hidan laughed in hysterical delight at the thought. Grimmjow raised a brow.
"You don't wanna fuck with me righ' now." the blunette said, a sadistic grin spreading across his face. "Ya want ta try me? I'm game for some bloodshed."
"You bitch, who the fuck do you think you're talking to? I'll beat the shit out of you, asshole!" Grimmjow's stance changed and it was obvious things were about to turn ugly.
"OI!" Naruto yelled in his loudest voice. Which was probably a little too loud for the situation taking place at 7 in the morning. Hidan and Grimmjow jumped at the noise now echoing through the hallway and Shiro cursed from inside the apartment.
"What the FUCK?" Grimmjow scowled, pushing a finger into one of his ears, one eye squished in pain. Both Hidan and him had turned to look at the interrupter of their dispute. Naruto didn't falter at the admittedly frightening sight, instead he gave his best face to counter it. Namely a wide smile that spoke of his readiness to beat the shit out of both of them - one he learned from his Uncle Kurama.
Surprisingly, both of the men faltered at that look. "Hey. You're Grimmjow, right?" Naruto asked and from in the apartment, Shiro groaned unhappily.
"Yeah. What of it?" now the man looked confused.
"Shiro's in my apartment."
"You know Shiro?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Come on. It's to early in the morning to be having a bloodbath." then he walked into his apartment, fully expecting Grimmjow to follow him. Thankfully he did, leaving a pissed off Hidan behind to swear at him.
Once the blunette was inside, Naruto shut the door and Shiro sighed loudly at the sight of his brother's boyfriend. "Hey Grimm-kitty."
"The hell are you doing?"
"Mooching off my new neighbor?"
Naruto snorted and Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "You ready to move your stuff?"
Shiro shrugged. "Not really?"
A blue eyebrow twitched. "…Come again?"
The blonde jumped in again. "Ah, well, the place is a wreck. We're almost done cleaning! But, yeah, it's not done, tebayo."
Grimmjow turned to look at the blonde. "What, yer helping him?" he jerked a thumb to the figure on the couch behind him. "Who are ya?"
"Naruto Uzumaki." the blonde smiled sweetly and Grimmjow twitched.
"Yer helping out a complete stranger that looks like that?"
"Yup."
"The hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you look like a rapist." Grimmjow tossed over his shoulder. "So how much still needs to be done? I don't think Ichi will take well to me bringing back his shit."
Shirosaki rolled his eyes. "Please…."
"Well, we have two rooms left, and steam-cleaning."
"When do you think you'll get done?"
Shiro jumped in. "Y'know, Grimm-kitty. If yer so impatient to finish up, you could help out."
"And I'd do that…why?"
"Because, deep down, ya feel guilty that you got let off easy and I got the short-end of the stick…even though it was really yer fault too."
…
"…I don't feel guilty at all, ya manipulative asshole."
"Keep telling yerself that, kitty-bitch."
And in the end, Grimmjow got strung into cleaning along with Shiro and Naruto.
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One Unfortunate Blonde