Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Scars
By : djserani
Category: Naruto > Threesomes/Moresomes
Views: 1470 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! I make no money! Got it?
Chapter List
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A/N: This section ends kind of abruptly, but I didn't have a better place for the break and this last part would have ended up very unwieldy. So, it got split. The next section should be up soon (I hope), so bear with me. Also, please note, there's reference to sex between minors in this section. It's NOT described! But it's mentioned. Just thought I'd warn. Thanks for reading!

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Genma continued to stare at the wood, his mind refusing to work. Since Obito. That was... ridiculous! There was no way. That was... Gen couldn't even begin to do the math.

He shook his head hard then glanced over his shoulder to see Shikamaru still laying back on the futon, staring at the ceiling. Twisting the doorknob with more force than necessary, he yanked the door open and followed Kakashi out.

He didn't see the other man, at first. It wasn't until he made his way around the building to the hot spring that he found the copy nin. He stood a few feet away, deliberately scraping his feet across the grass to announce his presence.

"I would have known it was you, anyway. Go away, Genma. I'll be fine. I don't need help," Kakashi said, his voice sounding tired.

Genma, of course, didn't listen. He approached the side of the spring and looked down at the silver head. "How did you put it away all those years ago?"

The other man didn't answer at first, just stared at the steam as it rose from the surface of the water. Genma carefully sat down on the edge and turned to Kakashi, waiting. The copy nin took a deep breath, obviously realizing that his wishes weren't going to be granted any time soon. "I didn't. It's one of the reasons I left."

Genma's eyes dropped to the water. "I thought you left over their policies."

Kakashi nodded. "That was the other reason. After Obito, I had a hard time leaving anyone behind," he nearly whispered. "I don't. But aside from that, I simply didn't deal with the shutdown well. And, after a while, not being able to put it away got to me."

Genma said nothing for a few moments, letting it roll around in his brain. He tilted his head and considered his friend. "What happened with Obito? Not the official story, not what's in the reports and not what you've already told me." He paused to let that sink in. Kakashi had, on one of the few nights he'd gotten drunk, spilled the story to Gen - the details that weren't in the official reports. That Obito had asked him to take care of Rin, the last things Kakashi's friend had said to him. I... can become your eye... "What else is it?"

Kakashi didn't speak for a long time, simply watched the steam rise. Genma was very grateful in that moment for his ANBU training and the patience it gave him. He rolled the senbon in his mouth to the other side and waited.

"I loved him." The words were so low, Genma was pretty sure he heard wrong.

"You..."

"Loved him," Kakashi said, his voice a little stronger.

"But, you were just a kid," Genma said, shaking his head.

Kakashi glanced up at him without replying, but there was enough in the look in his visible eye.

Genma swallowed and looked away, letting his mind absorb what he learned, reminding himself of a few simple facts. Kakashi had never been a kid, not really. Academy graduate at five, chuunin at six. Sakumo's suicide before he was ten years old and jounin by thirteen. No, Kakashi had never really had a childhood.

"You loved him," Genma prompted.

Kakashi sighed, flicking at the water with one finger then watching the ripples. "I did. I played it off as if he were an annoyance, treated him pretty badly for a long time. He was in love with Rin, whom, he claimed, was in love with me, though she never told me that. I knew he'd never love me back, especially..." he broke off and swallowed. "So we fought. A lot. I picked those fights most of the time, much to the chagrin of my sensei, because it was easier to fight him then it was to watch him pine after Rin."

He shifted, leaning forward and pulled his hitae-ate off, laying it on the bank of the spring. He glanced up and Genma saw the sharingan eye watering. He swiped at it irritatedly then sat back again. "One night, very shortly before I made jounin, he'd snuck some sake out of his parents house. I gave him so much shit for that. That was before I started picking the major fights with him. See, we didn't always fight. No, that started mostly after that night." He swallowed again, then continued. "We took it up to the top of Hokage mountain. We were certainly not the first to have gone up there, but that night we were alone. As young and skinny as we were, one bottle of sake does plenty."

Genma nodded encouragement, but he had a feeling he knew where it was going.

"Too much happens when you drink. There's a reason I don't do it anymore. We got drunk. We threw fake punches. I joked and laughed for the first time since my father died. We wrestled around and somewhere in there, we stopped... wrestling." He cleared his throat. "It was my first kiss, same for him. And the alcohol did it's job." He glanced over at Genma, the open dark eye meeting the hazel ones. "We didn't stop at kissing."

Genma swallowed, but said nothing.

"It was awkward and uncomfortable to a large degree. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. But it wasn't completely awful, for either of us, either. No, I was actually pretty damned happy about it, even as drunk as I was." He shook his head. "But when it was over, and we were laying back on the grass and I was trying to figure out how to ask him if we were boyfriends, he asked me if I thought he'd be any better when he finally managed to convince Rin to go out with him."

Genma winced.

"After that, I realized that whatever I felt was one-sided and staying that way. I picked fights, we bickered and I'm not sure he ever figured out why." He shook his head and scrubbed his hands over his face, pushing his mask aside. He sighed as he fixed it then glanced up at Genma again. "And then he died. And I could have stopped it and I didn't."

He fell silent again, once more concentrating on the steam and the reflections on the surface of the water. Genma swallowed, wanting, once more to tell him that Obito wasn't his fault, but he knew that the copy nin wouldn't listen. "And all this time, you've never..." Genma started, instead.

"I... exaggerated that a little bit. It's happened a few times, but very very few. Usually the times I got drunk and a couple more when I was fairly certain I was going crazy. Maybe a few when Ibiki told me to get laid or get out." He laughed mirthlessly. "The last time he told me that, I left."

"Kakashi... it..." Genma started, with no real idea what to say. How do you fight something like that? A lifetime of regrets? Genma, himself, was still fighting his own ghosts, mistakes and demons. A pair of dark eyes colored with perpetual circles under them flashed through his mind. Shaggy dark hair, another bandana hitae-ate, a sword... He swallowed and forced himself to look at his friend. "You don't have to do it alone," he finally settled on.

But Kakashi just shook his head. "I'm not going to put anyone through putting up with me."

"But for God's sake, Kakashi. Shutdown? Even physical gratification?"

The dark eye shifted back to him. "What does that really get you? Is it really all that much better than a hand?"

Genma sighed. "Sometimes, Kashi," he said, deliberately using the nickname he'd given the other man on one of those drunken nights. "Sometimes it is." He stood up and turned back to the cabin. He took a few steps then stopped. Without turning around, he said, "And sometimes there are more people who understand than you think there are. There are others who blame themselves, too." And with that, he rounded the corner and went back inside.

Kakashi sat for a long time, letting those words roll around in his head.

When he got into the cabin, Shikamaru was in the same place, laying on the futon, staring at the ceiling. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, well, as okay as he ever is," Genma answered, taking his own seat. He pulled the tea kettle off of the fire and poured water into three cups. He pushed one over toward the shadow nin and set Kakashi's closer to the other man's futon. He settled more firmly on his own mattress and sighed.

"He blames himself for my injury and your chakra exhaustion." He said before taking a sip of the hot tea.

"That's ridiculous. There was nothing else we could have done," Shikamaru said, sitting up. He took a sip of his own tea and considered Genma over the cup. "Don't you agree?"

"Hmm?" Genma looked up. "Oh, of course. We'd never have found Yamada without splitting up."

"What else is it?" Shika asked, raising an eyebrow.

Genma considered the younger man for a moment. "I... well, I can't tell you all of it. But... he doesn't deal... with shutdown, well. Doesn't handle it the way most of us do." He sighed. "And he doesn't have personal relationships, of any kind."

Shikamaru frowned. "That's... not very healthy."

Genma shrugged. "I can understand where he's coming from, to a point. I haven't gone out of my way to have any, either. Not lovers, at any rate. Not since Hayate died."

"That was four years ago." Shikamaru blinked at him. "I understand grieving -- very well, but isn't that a bit much?" Shikamaru asked.

Genma considered him. "You're very pragmatic. It is. But then again..." he trailed off and sighed. "It was my fault."

One dark eyebrow went up. "You killed him?"

Gen shook his head. "No, no, nothing quite like that. But... Hayate was where he was because of me. We were lovers... I loved him. Very much. And he loved me. And I'd whined about dropping a stupid scroll off at the Hokage tower, knowing he'd give in and do it for me because he did that kind of thing a lot. So, he took it for me." He swallowed hard. "And came across Kabuto and Baki." He didn't need to finish, Shikamaru was well familiar with what happened.

"You couldn't have known that would happen," Shikamaru pointed out.

Genma shrugged a shoulder. "I couldn't have. But I can't help but think if I had been there in his place, maybe I could have handled it better. Or if I'd gone with him, we'd have been together. Or, maybe... I'd just have died in his place."

Shikamaru said nothing to that. He took a sip of his tea and stared into the cup for a moment. "I guess I can appreciate that," he nearly whispered.

Genma looked up at him, eyebrows raised in inquiry.

Shikamaru stared at him for a long time, then took a deep breath. "You're well familiar with what happened to Asuma," he started and Genma nodded. "What you don't know is that..." he sighed. "I loved him. Not as a sensei... not as a big brother or anything like that." He cleared his throat. "But as you are also aware, he was married -- happily so, and expecting a child."

Genma looked down at his tea, then took another sip, not saying anything to that.

"Well, I never told him. I wasn't going to do that to him - put him in that kind of position. The one where he had to tell me he didn't go that way or even that he was already in love or maybe just that he wasn't interested in me that way." He jerked a shoulder in a facsimile of a shrug. "But I didn't give him the chance to say those things because he never knew. Then he died. And I would never get a chance to hear him say those things." He took an unsteady sip of his tea. "And I can't help but think that maybe I should have been a little smarter, or thought a little faster or planned a little better." His voice could barely be heard above the pop and crackle of the fire, but Gen caught it.

They stared in silence into the flames for quite a while. "Isn't it funny how we can see other people's situations and see just how ridiculous they are, but when it comes to our own, it's impossible?" Genma asked, finally.

Shika nodded. "Yeah..." The shadow-nin shrugged. "Who really knows? I can tell you that maybe Kabuto and Baki still would have gotten the better of both of you or you might have been killed yourself and instead of you teaching me how to deal with shutdown, it would have been him. But in all likeliness, it may well still have ended up being Hayate who died, leaving you to grieve."

He paused to take a long drink of his tea, letting his words sink in. "But if I look at myself, all I see is blame. All I see is that I should have been faster, smarter, stronger, learned more, done... something more." He cleared his throat. "I got revenge. I killed his killer -- as much as Hidan can be killed. But..."

"Yeah. See, that's just it. I can look at you and all I see is one of the most brilliant strategists -- maybe the most brilliant -- in Konoha history. Top of your class, smart enough to be one of, if not the first the Hokage calls on to consult with. And I can't possibly see how any of you could have done anything differently. You just didn't know." Gen shook his head and finished his tea.

Shikamaru upended his cup. "And we've both read the reports. I've gathered enough on my own , you know him well enough to have first hand info, but we both know that Kakashi blames himself for Obito's death. And we can say that there's no way it was his fault. There's always something we could have done differently, but really, the chances are, they would still have ended up in a collapsing cave and he might have still gotten hit. Obito may still have shoved him out of the way..." Shikamaru sighed.

"And yet neither of us can see our own situations clearer," Genma finished for him. They sat in silence for a long time, sipping the last of their tea. Finally, Gen looked up at Shikamaru. "You said you don't have anyone back in Konoha? Anyone you're interested in?"

Shikamaru swallowed. "Not really. There's someone that I'd like to get to know better, but he's not interested." He sighed. "Which I've discovered is even worse than I thought." He shook his head, "But not really. I've only recently begun to think about stuff like that again. After seeing Asuma during the war..." He trailed off, then looked up again. "What about you?"

Genma hesitated. "I haven't had a lover since Hayate. I've fucked, I won't lie about that. I'm not a monk, either. But... I haven't let myself care about anyone, either." He sighed. "But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. Yes, there is someone. I just haven't been willing to..." he let the rest go, knowing that the other man knew what he was getting at.

"May I ask who?" Shikamaru shifted on the futon, setting his cup aside and stretching out again.

Genma didn't answer at first. He copied the other man, laying so he didn't disturb his wound. "I feel like I'm back at the academy asking this. You're not going to say anything, are you?"

Shikamaru chuckled. "I promise not to pass him any notes during chakra control lessons."

Genma laughed. "Okay. It's Kotetsu," he said, a blush on his cheeks. He closed his eyes and brought the other man's image to mind. Sexy slanted eyes, a mouth just begging to be kissed, gorgeous ass... all of which Genma had watched from a distance on many, many occasions.

"Huh," Shika said, looking over at the taller man.

"Hmm?" Genma asked, bring himself back to the present and out of Kotetsu's eyes.

"I thought it would be Raidou. You're rarely seen apart," the younger man said.

"Oh," Gen laughed. "No. Not him. Rai's my best friend. We're a little... I don't know, too close. Kind of like you and the Akamichi kid."

"Chouji. Yeah, I get you."

"Yeah. Besides, he and Izumo have been together for a long time. I'm not about to get between them." He chuckled again. "Nope. Definitely not Raidou. I like 'em a bit shorter. Thick black hair, slanted eyes... yeah..." he trailed off again, his smile fading. He swallowed.

"Is he why you didn't kiss me?" Shikamaru asked, quietly.

"Noticed that, did you?" Genma asked, chagrined. At the affirmative sound from the other man, he sighed. "Yeah. I don't. Kiss, that is," he cleared his throat. "Haven't since Hayate. Don't want to, well, not with just anyone. Silly, I know, especially since I've fucked, but it just seems..." he shrugged a shoulder, regretting it, immediately. Pain from his back flashed through him and he grunted.

"You okay?" Shikamaru sat up.

"Yeah. Just shrugged and it pulled at my back," he answered, rolling onto his side. When he did, he saw Kakashi standing in the doorway. He didn't say anything and Kakashi didn't either, right away. Genma wondered from the look on the copy nin's face how long he'd been standing there and how much he'd heard.
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Scars	By : djserani Category: Naruto > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 1470 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! I make no money! Got it?

Scars