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Slightly Awkward	By : tillean Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1731 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do NOT own or make any profit through Naruto or any of its characters, that right is reserved for Masashi Kishimoto.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto or any of its characters, that right is reserved for Masashi Kishimoto.
I’m sooooooooo sorry about the loooong delay in updating. I’m sure most of you thought that I was either dead or had given up on my stories, but both are far from the truth. It’s too long and boring of a story to really get into, but let’s just say that real life was too busy to leave me time to feel anything but exhausted. Things are a little better now and I am back to writing! I did promise that I would at least never give up on my stories and I am proud to say that I am keeping that promise.
And as always: Please read and review, reviews are the #1 best motivation in the world! Criticism welcome! ^_^v
Break
Chapter 2: The Words We Don’t Know How to Say
To say that Sakura felt a little awkward right now would be like saying Naruto liked ramen, an under-exaggeration to the point of dishonesty.
She was sitting in the Hokage’s waiting room watching as Kakashi’s newest assistant cleaned his nails with the tip of a kunai. He was the sixth one since Kakashi had taken office, but then, when the elders kept insisting on ANBU operatives versus one of the chuunin or tokubetsu-jounin that had been the norm with all previous Hokages, they should have expected some problems.
Really though, with a Hokage like Hatake Kakashi who continually insisted on hiding in some unlikely location to read his beloved porn, Sakura couldn’t blame them. She would probably have assigned an entire squad just to keep tabs on him, but assigning one ANBU assistant was almost entirely useless. Kakashi could outsmart any single one of them with both of his eyes closed.
But right now wasn’t really the time to be thinking about Kakashi’s newest assistant. Already she had wasted three days trying to figure out what she was going to say to him, and she still didn’t know… but she wouldn’t put this off any longer. Kakashi deserved more than second hand knowledge about this.
The Hokage’s door opened and a team of rookies and their jounin instructor stepped out after a twenty minute briefing. The gennin looked almost queasy but their team leader was all smiles. Genma really was a sadist.
Sakura smiled briefly before she noticed Kakashi standing in the doorway, watching her. When he was sure he had her attention he waved her in and walked back into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar behind him.
All of a sudden she felt like a gennin again herself; knees knocking together at the prospect of meeting with the Hokage in person for the first time, palms sweating, heart beating irregularly fast, she felt like an idiot. Taking a deep breath Sakura got up and entered the office, being careful to close the door fully behind her.
The office had changed so much in the last 14 years. When the Sandaime had been in office the room had been spartan, not even a throw rug to break up the space. When Tsunade had taken office she had redone it entirely; moving the desk so any visitor looked out the window towards the village, plush chairs sitting across from her, a large rug that drew attention to the center of the room, and even pictures on the walls. But it was different for Hatake Kakashi.
He hadn’t cared much about changing things at first, but over the years he had begun to change things one at a time: The desk had been moved so that the windows would be to the right of anyone facing the Hokage, and the door would be to the left. The chairs that had been across from the Hokage for guests had been removed (forcing any visitors to stand), and a large couch had been placed on the opposite end of the room (on the off-chance that Kakashi decided to take a nap). The large rug had been replaced by hand-made tatami in a complex pattern of rectangles, and the pictures had changed from landscapes to portraits of each Hokage as well as pictures of their teams.
It didn’t even feel like three years since Kakashi had taken office, but in actuality it had been closer to nine.
Kakashi cleared his throat to catch Sakura’s wandering attention and she could feel her cheeks burn in embarrassment. She had been the one asking for a meeting and she hadn’t even looked him in the eye properly since entering the room.
“If this is about implementing your new procedure into the official lesson plan for the med-nin trainees, I already told Ino that I couldn’t care less what you teach them so long as they are capable of working both in the hospital, and on the field. There’s no purpose in a nin with no flexibility.”
Sakura smiled, this had been a bone of contention between Kakashi and Ino since Sakura had put her in charge of training the chuunin trainees… Her smile faded slowly, this wasn’t why she was here.
“No, it’s a bit of a more personal matter.” At her words Kakashi leaned forward in his chair and propped his elbows on the desk, a look of genuine interest lighting his features.
“Are you having a torrid affair with one of your teammates and you’ve come to request a transfer before one of you gets caught? Because if you’re worried about getting caught I’ll have to look into furthering your training; no former student of the Hokage should be stupid enough to get caught by the general populous.”
Sakura couldn’t help it, she laughed. “Even though 70% of the general populous are either active or retired nin?”
Kakashi’s eye creased in a smile. “Of course, I don’t remember teaching any of them anything.”
She laughed harder and grinned. “Really, I don’t remember you teaching me anything either.”
Kakashi’s face crumpled into a look of dejection. “Then are you just here to make fun of your old sensei?”
Sakura laughed lightly for a moment before the situation she was actually in quieted her again. She didn’t feel so nervous anymore, but she couldn’t continue smiling either. Kakashi seemed to read the change in her mood and stopped smiling as well, watching her intently.
“I’m pregnant.”
Kakashi froze, for a second he didn’t even breathe. “I’m sorry, you’re what?”
“Pregnant.” Sakura pressed her lips tightly together to keep herself from saying one of the snide remarks or horrible accusations that were floating around inside her head to give him time to respond.
He stared at her for a long moment before taking a deep breath. “You know I was just kidding about the torrid affair bit right? You’re not telling me that you really are…”
“No!” Sakura blushed with both embarrassment and aggravation. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t immediately pick up on the fact that he was the father, most men who’d had a vasectomy didn’t spend too much energy thinking that when a woman told them they were pregnant they also meant that he was the father.
“I don’t think that having sex to keep our cover can qualify as a torrid affair Kakashi.”
The breath whooshed out of him as Kakashi understood her implication. Clearing his throat, Kakashi forced enough air into his lungs to speak. “You’re not implying that…”
“I am.”
Kakashi stood and his voice became just a touch louder. “It’s impossible.”
“It’s not.”
“Damn it Sakura, I told you it’s not possible!”
Taking a deep breath, Sakura opened her eyes and looked directly into his. She was as calm as she ever was during a life threatening surgery, this was something that had to be done- and all the rest were just distractions she couldn’t afford.
“In cases where a vasectomy is done poorly and there is scar tissue left the body can attempt to clear away the scar tissue to heal its self. The body has a natural tendency to ‘fix’ itself. The doctor who performed your surgery was old, his hands may not have been perfectly steady, or he may have been distracted, or he may have just always been incompetent and we’re only finding out just now- but whatever the case, he fucked up.
Hell, even a routine check-up, the one that is supposed to be performed one month after any vasectomy, would have been able to tell that your surgery had been less than successful; but you never got one!”
Kakashi was sitting limply at his desk staring at the surface in front of him without expression, and when he spoke his voice was barely more than a whisper “…Sakura”
“Don’t you dare try to tell me it’s impossible, I know it’s yours!”
Kakashi took a deep breath and forced his eye up to meet both of hers. “There’s no chance that it’s someone else’s? I wasn’t the only person you slept with to keep your cover Sakura.”
Quiet settled over the room as Sakura fumed. She faced away from him, staring blankly out the window without actually seeing it. For a minute she did nothing but breathe, collecting calm around her like a shawl.
“You are the only one I didn’t use protection with.” She turned back to him and stared at him until he looked back up at her. “Because I trusted you Kakashi, I believed that if you said there was nothing to worry about- there wasn’t. I guess I was wrong.”
Without giving him a chance to respond Sakura turned and walked towards the door, but just as she pulled it open to walk out his words stopped her.
“Sakura, what are you going to do?”
She didn’t look at him but continued to face out towards the empty waiting room, speaking in a voice that was almost entirely lifeless. “It’s funny isn’t it? Whenever a woman goes to her lover or one night stand to tell them she’s pregnant they always ask that. ‘What are you going to do?’” Sakura looked back at him over her shoulder. “I came here to say what are we going to do? … I guess that was too much to hope for.”
The door closed quietly behind her as she walked out the door, and Kakashi cradled his face in his hands. “What am I supposed to do?”
He hadn’t felt so helpless since the day Konoha had voted to make him Hokage.
Break
Sakura made it all the way to the foot of the Hokage tower before she began to cry. It started with silent tears that slid hotly down her cheeks before being brushed away by her impatient hands. By the time she was a block away they had begun to fall too rapidly for her to keep up with and she was forced to bite her lip to keep herself from sobbing in rage. But by the time she had made it half-way to training ground 4, where she had intended to destroy half the forest in rage, she was a sobbing mess that couldn’t take another step.
She sat down next to the path with her back against a large tree and her knees pulled up to her chin. She stopped trying to hold it in and simply let herself cry until she felt numb.
Kakashi wasn’t a man she could hate. He was the one man she respected above all others, both as a team leader and as Hokage.
Despite everything, Sakura trusted him more than anyone else. She was frustrated and hurt, but she also hated herself for saying those words to him. She hadn’t been wrong to trust him just…
She didn’t know what she was supposed to do to make things right.
If she simply apologized it would be like saying that she didn’t have a valid reason to be upset at him for doubting her- trust was a two way street after all. But if she didn’t say anything, would he?
Kakashi was notorious for simply ignoring or avoiding personal problems. So if she didn’t say something did that mean that they would simply stop talking to each other outside of official business? Because she didn’t think she could take that.
After a while Sakura decided to wait before deciding anything important, for now.
Tomorrow was her morning hospital rotation, and despite wanting to curl into a ball and ignore the world until she knew what she was going to do, she happened to know how much her presence would be missed. So she picked herself up and brushed herself off.
She would go home, take a shower, and sleep until morning. What did it matter that it was only three in the afternoon?
Break
“You know this is all your fault, right?” Despite coming here alone and seemingly talking to a stone for the last 28 years, this was the first time Kakashi had actually been talking to himself.
After Sakura left, Kakashi had sat at his desk thinking for almost an hour before clearing his schedule for the rest of the day and heading down to the ANBU records room.
It had taken him much longer than he thought it would to find his own medical file, and he was a little taken aback that he actually had a whole drawer dedicated to him… a very full drawer dedicated to him.
Before he died there would almost certainly be two drawers dedicated to Hatake Kakashi.
First he had found the record of his operation, absorbing every detail for later dissection, and then he had gone through every record after that. Sakura had been right, the follow-up examination had never happened. He had missed the scheduled follow-up due to a mission had beginning early, and it hadn’t been rescheduled. No other procedure or examination had had anything to do with the vasectomy, so there was nothing he could even possibly use to persuade himself that he might not be the father.
Sure he could say that it wasn’t his, after all, he’d had the operation hadn’t he? Unless they did a paternity test there was no way to know for sure except… he trusted Sakura.
If Haruno Sakura, joint-chief of the Konoha medic-nin said that she knew he was the father, he was.
In frustration he had come to the memorial stone in search of some peace from his racing thoughts, but it was in vein. Every time he tried to quiet his mind enough to meditate in the way that was his norm Sakura’s voice would shatter the peace and leave him feeling like a jumbled mess all over again.
“I guess I was wrong…”
Looking down, Kakashi noticed a name he hadn’t thought about too much in the last few years. Sarutobi Asuma. It was disconcerting to realize that Asuma had been dead for almost eleven years.
His daughter Chiharu was already ten years old, studying in the academy and getting into trouble all over town. As the daughter between two of the rookie nine’s sensei she had been spoiled by teenagers and adults alike since the day she was born. She had Shikamaru and Choji wrapped around her little finger and had even managed to cause Sakura to express her desire for a little girl just like her sometime.
And now that was an actual possibility.
Kakashi sighed, he wasn’t proud of how he had reacted- but he also didn’t feel like he had gone overboard. He had been in shock, for most of his life he hadn’t really cared much about children or a family life; and since the vasectomy nine years ago he had never stopped to really think about it ever being a real possibility.
Kakashi’s life didn’t have room for any serious dating, or at least he didn’t enjoy trying to start a new relationship enough to really take the time it would require. And who else was there?
Kurenai had been one of his best friends’ lover, and despite what she had said that night when she was drunk off her ass two years ago- it did matter.
Anko was beautiful and if his memory still served, a good lay- but she was… Anko. She was the twisted little girl that Orochimaru had discarded out of hand, and she never let herself forget it. She wasn’t the type to have a serious relationship, let alone a family.
He supposed that Shizune was alright, probably even the type to settle down someday- but he just didn’t look at her that way. She just… didn’t have the fire in her eyes that attracted Kakashi to a woman.
And that was pretty much it for the women in his generation that he had anything to do with whatsoever.
A civilian wouldn’t cut it, Kakashi enjoyed a woman with fire in her eyes who could at least hold her own against him; and if they were going to be more than a one night stand they would also have to be able to make him laugh, and work with him versus around him, and…
Kakashi sighed again and let his face fall into his upturned palm. Since when did his ideal type sound so much like a certain pink-haired former student of his? Or was it that she had simply become very much like his ideal? Was there a difference?
Either way, she was currently a very angry, very pregnant, version of his ideal- and he would be beyond surprised if he ever touched her again…
“Arrrg!” Sick of his own thoughts Kakashi smacked himself in the head as if to jar even the thought from his mind. As if it wasn’t enough that she was pregnant, he wanted to fool around with her too? Moreover, getting into Sakura’s pants wasn’t the problem right now. He needed to think, maybe even bounce some ideas against someone else…
Yep, it was time for Hatake Kakashi to hit the bar.
Sixty minutes and three drinks later Kakashi was feeling a bit better. That might have something to do with how funny it was to watch Tenzo’s face contort and cringe as he explained the situation though.
“Wait, you’re telling me that the time last month when I had to cover for you, you were busy impregnating your former student!?”
Kakashi frowned at Tenzo’s choice of words. “First off, I went on an assassination mission- a successful one I might add, the sex was just the two of us attempting to keep our covers. Second, the important thing right now isn’t what happened but what we’re going to do about it.” Kakashi took a long drink from the glass of shouchu in front of him.
“I get the feeling that Sakura wants me to have a real, thought out opinion before she sees me again; and that’s if she doesn’t kill me off before I have a chance to give her one.”
Tenzo shook his head despairingly. “It’s not as hard as you’re making it out to be.” Kakashi’s face was comically confused. “Do you want to have children?”
Kakashi sighed and ran his hand through his hair.“That’s the thing, I don’t know…” He stared out the window to his right and into the darkening sky that had just begun to show some of its brighter stars. “I never really thought about it before.”
For a minute they both remained silent as they contemplated what Kakashi should do, and then Tenzo spoke quietly without looking up from the table. “Imagine a younger version of yourself, of the things you wish someone had said to you, of the things you wish you could do for him… Picture a five year old version of Sakura, what would you tell her, how would you protect her?... Now imagine them calling you Daddy, relying on you, trusting you completely… How does that make you feel?”
“Terrified.” There was no hesitation in the response at all; it was as automatic as breathing.
Tenzo smiled vaguely. “Why, what part of it terrifies you?”
Kakashi stared at him like as if he had lost his mind. “Are you kidding me? Someone relying on you completely? Someone who can’t even defend themselves as well as the dullest gennin? I’m not like Asuma, I don’t have the patience to deal with teaching someone who doesn’t even understand the basics, I don’t have any good bits of wisdom to pass down to the younger generations besides how to protect and how to kill. How could I be expected to be responsible for a baby?”
Tenzo laughed lightly, ignoring the deadly glare Kakashi sent his way. “So what are you going to do if she decides to have the baby? Are you going to ignore them? Force Sakura retire from field work so she can be a proper single-parent?”
Kakashi was dumbfounded. Sakura, retired from field work? She’d hate it. On more than one occasion she had said that though she loved working and teaching in the hospital- it was the field work that kept her sane. Would he take that away from her just so someone could stay home with the child? Never.
“… I guess that I could look after it while she was on missions…”
Tenzo smiled while Kakashi was faced away from him, he had him right where he wanted him. “So the child would know you as what? Uncle Hokage who looked after him or her while mother was away?”
Kakashi looked back at him, surprised. “Well, I don’t know why we’d have to lie…”
“And what about Sakura? Would she really want to be alone for the rest of her life because she was a single mother? There aren’t many men who have the guts to have a real relationship with a woman who already has a kid. What if she doesn’t really want to be a mother but just can’t bring herself to take the life of a child before it’s begun. She’s not really the type to be cool in the face of personal issues.”
It was like being hit in the face with ice water. Kakashi tried not to grind his teeth at the thought of Sakura wanting a relationship and not being able to because she was raising his child. Of her trapped in a role she hadn’t planned on playing, but had been forced into because she was a compassionate person.
But then Tenzo said something that left Kakashi reeling, unable to even form a response.
Looking Kakashi dead in the eye he spoke in a quiet voice that would echo through Kakashi’s head for the rest of the night. “And what if she decided not to go through with the pregnancy at all? What would it do to Sakura to go through with something like that? What would it do to the both of you?”
Kakashi sat in stunned silence as Tenzo stood and patted his shoulder before walking away with a quiet ‘good luck’ thrown over his shoulder. There was nothing else that could be said after that, Kakashi would either figure it out- or he wouldn’t and Sakura would be forced to make a decision by herself. Either way, Tenzo had done his best to make him see what it was he wanted.
It was sad really, a man of Kakashi’s age not being able to admit to himself what he wanted; but that’s why Tenzo had pushed so hard. Sometimes only friends could see what you were hiding from even yourself.
Break
Kakashi woke to bright sunlight shining directly in his eyes and a head-ache threatening to crack his head into pieces. And once he opened his eyes he realized that his face was also somewhat stuck to the sticky surface of the bar counter.
Sitting upright Kakashi ran a hand down his distinctly naked face with a groan. What did he do last night?
Oh, yeah…
After Tenzo had left and Kakashi had gained back enough facilities to move he had gone over to the bar and ordered another drink. Without the need for privacy that speaking to Tenzo had facilitated he had sat at the counter and simply continued to drink himself into oblivion. At one point though, things had changed.
When the bar crowd had begun to thin out and the bar tender had been left to his nightly cleaning duties Kakashi had found himself talking again. (As Hokage he didn’t usually get hassled to leave if he didn’t want to.)
It had begun with a vague monologue about women in general, but then he had stopped and really looked at the man he was talking to. He was a man somewhere between forty and fifty, built- but only in a civilian sort of way, and he had smile lines at both the corners of his eyes and mouth. It made Kakashi’s drunken mind curious.
“Do you have kids?”
The man looked caught off guard at first but then he had smiled and begun to laugh. “Six!”
Kakashi’s eyes had almost bugged out of his skull. Six, he could hardly contemplate one! “Isn’t that a bit overwhelming? From what I know, just one kid can be a ridiculously large handful.”
“Hahaha, you don’t have to tell me. There were days when I wondered if we should have just given the first one away! You wouldn’t believe some of the nightmarish pranks kids can pull. Especially my little Miwa, she’s in the academy right now- first one in the whole family to make it in.
Can you even imagine the kinds of pranks she can pull on civilian parents like us? I thought water buckets over the door were bad enough, have you ever seen a grown adult try to ground a kid in the academy? It’s like their made of oil, you can’t keep them in, you can’t keep them out, and if you get them fired up they destroy the house!”
Kakashi could imagine it, and just the thought of it had made him a bit queasy. “And you can still laugh about it? Aren’t you going mad with that kind of kid running around the house?”
The man had quieted his laughter, but his smile had stayed firmly in place. “Sure, she drives me crazy sometimes- they all do at one point or another; but it’s worth it. When one of them accomplish something and come running to tell you all about it, or when you see them doing something you taught them when they don’t think you’re looking… The pride I feel in those kids couldn’t be rivaled.”
“But weren’t you scared, with the first one I mean; weren’t you worried that you would somehow mess it up?”
“Oh yeah, I think every parent feels that way. ‘What do I have to teach them?’ ‘What if I’m just like my parents?’ or ‘What if I can’t do as well as my parents did?’ They’re the type of thoughts all parents have. But if you didn’t think that way, what kind of parent would you be? It’s just proof that you want to be a good parent, don’t you think?”
The conversation had hit Kakashi in a way that nothing else had.
When he thought about it clearly he remembered that when he had agreed to get the vasectomy in preparation for a long-term undercover mission, he had promised himself that one day he would have it reversed. Without the panic of Sakura’s announcement pounding through his veins he could remember how he had felt when Chiharu had been born. How when Kurenai had placed the infant girl in his arms and she had looked up at him with those big red-brown eyes and grabbed his pinky finger with her little fist, he had been jealous that she wasn’t his.
And not because he had had any designs on her mother either.
His heartbeat quickened and his headache no longer had any importance. He needed to talk to Sakura.
Kakashi stood from the bar stool and stretched his arms above his head, cracking his back and catching a whiff of himself in the process. Perhaps a shower was in order first…
Break
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Slightly Awkward