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Jizz In My Pants	By : PrplGrl Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Shikamaru/Neji Views: 1840 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way, shape, or form and do not make any profit in writing this story.

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A/N: This was a writing for the ShikaNejiShika Community on LiveJournal for the countdown to the second anniversary. The prompt was “switch” and it reminded me of this certain video on YouTube. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I-0badO8rc] I couldn’t resist parodying it for SNS; hopefully I’ll have more after the weekend!

Summary: A short blurb of Shikamaru’s “switch.”

Warnings: Some language, mentioned sex, and meant for fun!

Pairing: Take a guess!

Switcher

Yawn. I can’t say I’m bored with my life. I’ve been a ninja for several years now; level chunin. I’ve led my share of ninja teams, despite the fact that my very first mission at this rank was a complete failure. At that time I did consider quitting, but some wise counsel from my father and the fact that all the genin assigned to me lived, I decided to become better.

My life plans then were very ordinary; in no way did I want to become someone who stood out; I mean, who wants that troublesome mess? I wanted to be average, marry an ordinary girl, have two kids, retire once they were right with themselves, and then live the rest of my life in peace, dying before my wife.

However, something’s not right….

I wake up in the morning usually to my mother’s screeching voice chewing out my dad for something he’s done, not to mention the nagging I get while eating breakfast. At first, I was naïve to think I’d be free of that once out of the house. Getting teamed with Ino was not something to look forward to. She’s just as bad as my mom.

Some would think that Sakura wouldn’t be bad, but fuck are they wrong. Especially if she gets near Ino. Damn sometimes I think my ears will fall off while being around them.

Chouji told me that Hinata’s nice. I would agree with that…if she would speak up more often. In the beginning, I thought she might have been perfect; she wasn’t overly pretty and didn’t nag about every, little thing. Turns out I was wrong again.

I started hanging out with her in between missions and even took her on a few dates, troublesome as it was. During one of these dinners, which yes I paid for, we ate mostly in silence. Once I put my chopsticks down, I let out a little belch. Like hell I was going to let it fester painfully in my gut. Hinata gave me a bit of a disapproving look and leaned over the table to whisper, “Shikamaru-kun, that’s not polite.”

I’m like, “…huh?” That was our last date. Troublesome.

So, my pickings for women in this village are extremely slim. Don’t know why that should be a big surprise; I mean, come on! In all the three and four man groups, there’s always one kunoichi.

I believe I have enough to offer a woman; I’m pretty average-looking, in the process of mastering my shadow techniques, and love playing shougi. What more do women need?! I don’t anger easily and am pretty easy-going, plus living in a beautiful forest where deer roam freely. Don’t girls like that cute, baby deer crap?!

On top of that, I’m destined for mockery. The women who know me, or anybody really, usually think of me as a “lazy, good-for-nothing.” Just because I’m more practical than most doesn’t mean I don’t come through when needed! Plus, my hairstyle gets a giggle out of people, even those who have known me (and usually my father) forever. So what if it looks like a pineapple? Why should I care about how I look to others if I’m comfortable?

So, I decided, it’s time for a switch.

Now, I’m a happy homosexual chunin in a very serious relationship. When I decided I wanted to date men, it was like whoosh! There are guys everywhere in Konoha. I had a tough time deciding who to go out with, seeing as soon as my “out-of-the-closet” news spread through the village I had guys damn near pounding down my door to get a piece of me. Even Shino gave me a flower!

Not only that, but I find that the girls are even nicer to me than they were. My mom seems to screech less and Ino treats me like a better friend than Sakura. She enjoys telling me secrets and “going shopping,” to which I can barely tolerate, and even insisted going on a double date with Chouji and…whoever I’d been dating at the time. But that’s not the best part.

Sex, sex, sex! Fuck I’ve never felt more relaxed and stress-free before! It’s amazing how many guys came up to me and offered to be simple fuck buddies until I found someone to be serious with. I never knew having a cock up my ass would feel so…gratifying.

Of course, I did find that certain someone after only a few weeks of dating around.

Neji told me he’d been waiting for me when I found him standing outside my door one night. He offered to sleep with me and, really, who was I to object? It was a fantastic night filled with intense orgasms and heavy words. By morning, we were both covered in dried spunk, sweaty, and sore, as we took turns topping. We’ve been nearly inseparable since.

Yes, someone who I can play shougi with (and actually have a challenge doing so), not worry about when out on missions (although I do anyway), and not having to answer frivolous questions about weight gain!

My name is Nara Shikamaru, and I’m a switcher.

Although, not being able to have kids does kind of suck.
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