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Icha Icha Man of Mystery	By : Araneola Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1432 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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He stopped and cautiously looked up hoping that who he
thought was there was actually not. This was Jiraiya�s sick, perverted dream.
He had actually died on a mission and was now suffering in Hell being tortured
by women he couldn�t have. The blonde hairs lingered between his outstretched
fingers.

Ino was in her sexual glory. She stood confidently in his
personal space, practically straddling one of his legs by squeezing her thighs
as though to keep him in place. Kakashi�s arm was pleasantly bound to his side
by a breast on either side. She stared up at him, blue eyes determined yet
lacking a sober clarity.� One hand was
pulling on the collar of his vest to bring his face closer to her. The other
hand was currently squeezing his buns of ninja steel. She was growling
predatorily in his ear.

For the second time that night, as Kakashi�s uncovered eye
took in the curvy form pressed erotically up against him, Jiraiya�s mind began
to work its magic.

�Are you purring for me, pussy cat?�

Drunk as though she was, Ino had clearly not been expecting
this reaction. Her eyes widened in shock just the tiniest fraction before she
recovered by taking her hand from his ass and the leg behind his calf. Kakashi
was still mentally scolding Jiraiya for his excellent timing when Ino had roughly
shoved him backwards into the nearby table, successfully bending him backwards
enough to scramble on top. She was resting precariously on top of his most
tender part which had conveniently forgotten that this was Ino, and thus was
definitely off limits.

�Show me how it�s really
done, Sex Bomb,� Ino had taken Jiraiya�s comment as an invitation to ride
Kakashi then and there, lifting a hand to assist him out of his clothes.

Ino�s carnal proclamation to the entire bar snapped the Copy
Nin back into focus. She is off-limits.
Images of Sakura pounding fists of fury into his stomach and breaking every
bone in his body quickly flooded through his mind. Ino was sexy, on top of him,
and breathing hard against his chest, but despite Jiraiya and certain body
parts disagreeing with him, he couldn�t have her. He took calming, controlled
breaths as he caught her arm. Rule #1,
state the obvious.

�Ino, you�re drunk.� Easily overpowering her, he unbent and
stood up with her legs still clutching him firmly around the waist.

�And you�re hard, Kakashi.� Apparently, she followed the
same rules. Sacrificing what little dignity he had left after tonight in return
for a relief to his shortening patience, Kakashi turned and left the bar with
Ino sitting quite content on his rolling hips.

Wolf whistles and cat calls followed them to the exit, but
Kakashi practiced extreme control and stepped out into the cooler night air. He
had already decided to drop Ino off at Sakura�s apartment, considering he had
no idea where the girl lived and he was quite unwilling to bring the vixen back
to his place. He needed witnesses to ensure his innocence.

He tiredly hobbled down the street and regarded the giggling
demon around his middle. I feel like a
pregnant woman.

Pregnant with the
perfect opportunity, Sex Bomb Kakashi. The Sannin snickered and was
undoubtedly grinning wickedly now. How
exactly did you get that nickname?

Kakashi grunted in response. It had been Genma, of course.

Some years back, after
a long night of drinking and general debauchery, he found himself with Genma
and Asuma in the park. His eternal rival Gai had been suspiciously absent that
morning, and they had assembled themselves into a sort of search party, only to
find the unconventional man passed out under a particularly lovely looking
tree, curled up in the fetal position snoring loudly. The intense curiosity of
finding him with a woman broken, Genma�s wandering eye happened upon Kakashi�s
bedfellow from the previous night.

Subtle as ever, �Ain�t
that the chick you banged last night, Kakashi?� Genma nodded in the direction
of a slightly flustered woman who was talking with her friends a little bit
down the path.

A deep chuckle rose
from Asuma, and he added, �She looks shell-shocked.�

And that comment was
the grave digger for Kakashi. Genma�s eyes had lit up at the immediate
connection and his senbon-wielding mouth couldn�t stop itself even if Genma had
wanted to avoid Kakashi�s wrath.

�That�s because
Kakashi�s a Sex Bomb.� Kakashi glared. Asuma found it greatly entertaining.
Genma started singing and swaying his hips in what was suppose to be a sensual
way.

�Sex bomb, sex bomb,
you�re a sex bo�� Kakashi had tossed a kunai which landed with a gentle �thunk�
in the tree, mere inches from Genma�s head.

The death threat had shut Genma up, but Asuma was another
story. Something must have slipped and Asuma had let his genin team know about
Kakashi�s little nickname, which Ino was now singing suggestively, if not a
little slurred, into his ear while grinding as much as Kakashi�s movement
allowed.

�Care to tell me why you chose to bestow your womanly
affections upon me this evening, Ino?� Anything to get her to stop singing that
awful song. A big boost to his ego wouldn�t hurt, either.

Ino paused her chant momentarily and leaned back to glance
over Kakashi. She seemed almost thoughtful, appraising his features as though
she were carefully considering an answer to his question. �Well I already slept
with Genma��

Kakashi�s bubble burst at the name and he wondered if
hitting his head against a brick wall would allow him to forget that piece of
information.

��and you were next on my list, Sex Bomb.� She tossed her
hair in the iridescent moonlight and threw a mischievous glance at Kakashi,
eyes lowered, peeking at him through long, dark lashes.

Her attempt at seducing the Copy Nin more went unnoticed. He
had stopped � dead center in the middle of the road � a mere hundred feet from
his salvation. There was no noise, no people milling about this time of night,
no lamps illuminating panes of glass. His sole eye was focused upon the half
moons reflected in her eyes in disbelief and morbid curiosity.

�You have a list?� Surely, there was not an actual list. A
drunken Ino simply had the capacity to remember who she had already slept with
and he was the only one left. An image of Gai sleeping in the park emerged from
the dark corner in his mind. He blinked to put it back in its place. Not even
someone as flirtatious and drunk as Ino would sleep with that man.

But Ino had leaned back even farther, putting Kakashi�s
balance into question and they stumbled forward to land in the reverse position
of the one at the bar. Ino seemed unfazed, however, taking it merely as a more
aggressive move from her date. She stuck out her chest and coyly dropped her
fingers down into her ample cleavage and slowly pulled out a folded piece of
paper. A trash can rattled somewhere down the street. Nosebleed was the only response from the Sannin.

Kakashi tentatively took the paper and sat back on his
knees. There were two columns. The first was �Things to Do�, and the second was
appropriately titled �People to Do�. Scanning down the first list, he noticed a
few of the items had been crossed off. Fruit. Heels. Blindfold. Bondage.
Threesome was still left unblemished. His eye tarried to the other side of the
paper dangerously, but he was distracted by the sound of a closing door inside
the apartment complex. Anyone chancing upon them in that particular position
would definitely get the wrong idea about what he was doing with Ino in the
middle of a deserted street.

As the common door to the complex opened, the window he knew
to be Sakura�s opened, as well. Kakashi grabbed Ino around the waist and hauled
her into the shadows of the nearest building like the sneaky ninja he was. He
clamped the hand not holding Ino�s sex list over her mouth to keep her quiet
while he peeped around the corner at Sakura�s mystery guest.

The green suit glistening in the moonlight made Kakashi choke
on the air he was breathing.

�Goodnight, Sakura-chan! Sleep well!�

�I will! Goodnight Lee!� Sakura whispered from her second
floor window. Kakashi thought he saw cute little red hearts float up towards
her, but they popped as his rival�s prot�g� leapt off into the night. Leaping with the grace of the evening wind,
snorted Kakashi in an afterthought.

He turned his attention back to Ino, who was currently
working her tongue over one of the fingers meant to keep her mouth shut. He
slowly retracted the saliva covered digit along with the rest of his hand.

�Can I have my list back now, or am I going to have to use force, smexy man?� There was no promise
in Ino�s threat. She was leaning heavily against the brick wall behind her and
her eyes screamed �I�ll sex it back from you�. She attempted a
dirty old man eyebrow wiggle.

Kakashi returned his attention back to the piece of paper in
his hand. Scanning the second column, he quickly realized that the entire
column was crossed off, save two. Kakashi�s name was in the second slot. No
amount of alcohol could save him from the first.

In curly, giant letters read �Jiraiya�.

A noise resembling a small explosion erupted from behind the
trash cans down the street. Kakashi could hear the Jiraiya�s triumphant shouts
echoing inside his head.

Fangirls here I come!
Eehehehee! Number one! Take that Sex Bomb!

�The fangirls� theme
song rang in his head with the background music taken from �Sex Bomb�.� Apparently the man could get off by just
hearing that he had made the top slot on a �to-do� list. The loud, initial ruckus
involving toppling over a few trash cans had stopped, but Kakashi was willing
to bet that Jiraiya was rolling around in his delirious pleasure somewhere
behind those overturned cans.

Needing to focus back on the task at hand, he abruptly
picked Ino up and slung her over his shoulder at she stared in the direction of
the commotion.

�What was that?� Ino wondered aloud to Kakashi. His mind
could only handle so many perverts at once, and he replied with a grumbled
��youthful passion�.

Ino giggled again. Kakashi had successfully picked the lock
on the front door and was heading up the stairs. He went as fast as his feet
would carry them. Just to the end of the
hall.

�That�s exactly what Gai said when we fu��

Thunk.

Kakashi�s head knocked on Sakura�s door while he fervently
tried to erase the unholy, green-clad images scarring his mind.
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Icha Icha Man of Mystery