Hanging in the Balance

Sakura lay in the warm water of the deep whirlpool with her eyes closed. She was the only one in the room, and it really let her relax, the hot water and steam opening her pores, and she could practically feel the toxins seeping out of her body and away. Ino had recommended the detox for their last day at the spa, tomorrow, but Sakura had decided to start everything a bit early. She felt like sitting in here, she was sweating out all the stress and pain of her crisis with Sasuke, every one of those manic little thoughts and fears she'd held when she'd left, and it left her feeling lighter, cleaner.



Yes, she was sure she'd still be upset with Sasuke when she got home, especially if her suspicions turned out to be correct, but she didn't feel like she could worry about it anymore. She felt like maybe this was for the best anyways. Sakura, like every little girl, had planned her dream wedding out in her head, exactly how everything would look and who would be there beside her. She found that those things didn't matter to her anymore though, at least not as much as they once had.



She knew that her relationship with Sasuke hadn't really been a healthy one, built off of a dream, an idealized image of her prince charming she'd attached to her college sweetheart. She knew she loved him, when it came down to it, and she'd be hurt if he left her, but it would heal in time, and they could both move on to something else, something better. She just hoped they'd still be friends in the end.



She smiled as she heard the door open, the weight and rhythm of the steps familiar and warm. She didn't bother opening her eyes as Ino slipped into the whirlpool beside her in silence. She felt comfortable with that though, the whirlpool area was quiet and tranquil, the silence broken only by the movement of water and the soft chimes in the corner. There wasn't a need for comforting banter or excuses, not anymore.



She'd cried at the beginning, before she left and after they had arrived here, and now she felt like she didn't have anymore tears left for Sasuke and her. She felt like she should have seen it coming in the end, but she hadn't. She didn't blame herself though, not that she blamed Sasuke either. This was just the way things had gone, and in the humid room at the spa, quiet and peaceful, that realization hit her like an epiphany, or a metaphorical ton of bricks. It didn't feel heavy on her shoulders though, the knowledge becoming more like wings than an anchor.



She smiled.



X





Naruto gaped in the echoing, oppressive silence of Sasuke's loft, at once impressed and intimidated by it's scale. It seemed fitting, matching the amount he felt that he didn't understand about Sasuke right now. The Uchiha's fingers were still gripping his arm tightly, even after the other boy had left them alone, and neither one spoke out loud, but Naruto could read the fear and uncertainty in Sasuke's eyes like a book. This new openness was still weird for him, something he wasn't used to seeing from Sasuke. He felt like it was good though, healthier than bottling everything up like he had in the past.



"I'm sorry, I don't think I understand any of this anymore." Naruto broke the silence, sitting back down and putting his hand over Sasuke's, still gripping his arm. Sasuke sighed, relaxing a little now that Naruto didn't seem to be leaving anymore. Beneath everything, his good intentions and his wishes for nothing but the happiness of what were probably his only two actual friends, he was just terrified of loosing them, or Naruto really. He could let Sakura walk out of his life at this point, even if he didn't want to, because she had every reason and right to. He supposed Naruto did too, but that was something he couldn't wrap his head around. Sasuke sighed, rubbing his head.



"I'm gay, Naruto. I don't think that, I know it. I don't want to hurt Sakura, but I don't want to lead her on either. I thought I could just marry her, make her happy and we could all live together but I just can't do it. I'm horrible and selfish and I can't do it anymore. I need to be who I need to be, okay?" Naruto opened his mouth, but Sasuke put out his hand, shaking his head slightly. He was still pretty damn drunk, and he needed to finish first.



"I need you to know, Naruto, and I need you to be okay with that. I'm going to break things off with her when she gets back. I don't want to, because I know she'll cry or something, it'll break her heart, but I have to, I swear to god I have to." He slumped against the counter then, his shoulders shaking a little, even though he wouldn't let himself cry. He was startled to find arms around him then, and a soft sound of Naruto hushing him, comforting in a maternal kind of way.



Sasuke wasn't sure how to put the rest of it. Naruto was still here, which was a good sign, and he hadn't yelled or tried to talk him out of it, out of anything really. He'd just accepted everything, in a way that Sasuke's mind hadn't thought he would. It made his chest contract painfully, the words he wanted to say jumbled up in a confused mess and caught in his throat.



"I'm not going anywhere Sasuke. I know Sakura probably won't take this well, but give her time. I'm sure I can figure out a way to keep you guys apart till she's okay with everything, for her sake I think, but I think it's a good choice. Don't keep leading her on Sasuke, she deserves better than that." Sasuke nodded. He composed his face before standing, turning to look Naruto in the face, his eyes a little puffy from the tears he hadn't let fall.



He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He had no words for what he wanted to tell Naruto now. Well, he did but every thing he could think of saying came off trite or stupid, not really appropriate for right now. He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. He had to be sure.



"Promise?" He said, his voice raspy with emotion and still a little clumsy from the drink. "Promise you won't leave me no matter what?" Naruto nodded and Sasuke looked for any hint of lie in his eyes. He knew it was a big promise, maybe an impossible one, but he didn't care. He wanted to know. Naruto looked completely serious and sincere though, and Sasuke took a deep breath in preparation before taking the boy's shoulders gently in his hands, leaning in, taking in the look of confusion on Naruto's face.



Then he closed his eyes, leaning in until there was no space between them, kissing Naruto softly on the mouth. He kept it light and quick, but poured all of the feeling he could into it, trying to say something he didn't have the words to express through that action. He pulled back then, expecting to see hatred, disgust, fear, rejection, anything in those widened eyes but what he saw.



Naruto looked dazed, processing what had just happened. He hadn't hated it, like he always imagined he might with guys. He'd liked it actually, liked it a lot. It dawned on him quickly that it was probably because it was Sasuke. His rules had always warped and bent when it came to Sasuke. He'd let the man take Sakura after all, back when she'd been the corner points to his whole world.



Their eyes met then, Naruto's confused and oddly deep with kindness, Sauske's open and vulnerable in this moment of weakness. Naruto hesitated then, before putting his hand on Sasuke's cheek, cupping it, stroking it lightly in something akin to wonder. He leaned in, uncertain and slow again, pushing their lips together for the second time, this time his eyes open, watching Sasuke's widen. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but it felt right. He was working on instinct now.



He parted his lips slowly, closing his eyes as he did so. He felt Sasuke follow his lead then, his own lips sliding open, and their tongues meeting tentatively in the middle, still feeling each other out. Sasuke was dazed, this had gone better than he'd thought it would. He would admit he'd fantasized about this moment a lot, about him telling Naruto and the other boy being so much more than just okay with it. Those fantasies usually ended with Naruto bending him over the nearest available surface and fucking his brains out, or with him on his knees, sucking Naruto's cock, listening to the boy moan above him.



He closed his eyes tight then, feeling himself getting hard suddenly, trying to push the images away. The last thing he needed was to scare Naruto away now, when he was so close to holding the boy. He didn't want to ruin all of this for a quick fuck, and then lose the only friend he felt would stick with him. This kiss had been a gamble after all, and despite the pangs of joy in his stomach he wasn't sure if he was willing to double the proverbial bet, and risk losing everything.



He pulled back, gazing into Naruto's eyes nervously, but found them asking the same question. He didn't move his body, he didn't dare to, for fear everything would fall apart if he did. Naruto's hands rested comfortingly on his shoulders though, and he felt a warmth channeling through them. Suddenly he just felt tired. He was relieved, still a little frightened and unsure, but mostly he was tired, the bulk of his worry evaporating and leaving a heavy void in it's place. He laid his head on Naruto's shoulder with a sigh, so he missed the small smile on the blond's face.



"You look beat, Sasuke. Maybe you should go to bed." Sasuke's stomach lurched a little. He didn't want Naruto to leave, he didn't want to be alone in the echoing cavern of the apartment, dark and forebodingly empty now. His hand gripped Naruto's arm, and he opened his mouth, his voice shaky and tentative.



"Naruto..." He was unsure, not wanting to ask for too much too soon. "Stay with me? Just sleep, just for tonight." Naruto nodded, and he didn't see it, but he felt the slight shift in the boy's body, and somehow knew what it meant. He relaxed, all of the alcohol and stress hitting him at once now.



He turned, Naruto following him through the open doorway into the bedroom. The bed was unmade, looking horrible in the low lamp light. He blushed, remembering how he'd been in here with that stupid fucking trick when Naruto had arrived. He winced a little, not wanting something that was such an obvious mistake, a symbol of his own cowardice, to intrude on their time now.



Naruto didn't notice though, busy sliding his pants down his hips with a yawn, and Sasuke tried his hardest not to look. Still, he caught a glimpse of long lean legs out of the corner of his eye and he swallowed hard, suddenly unsure. He turned when Naruto's hands busied themselves with the button up shirt, turning to the wardrobe in the corner, drawing out two t-shirts, worn soft with age.



He tossed one to Naruto, who was practically naked, before slipping his own stained shirt off, replacing it with something clean. He swallowed again, trying to focus on not taking things too far, paranoid in his drunken state. He didn't need to worry though, as he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.



X





Sakura woke up to the sun streaming into the large windows of the room, and the song of birds outside. She smiled, she could see the trees outside, blossoming in the courtyard garden of the spa. It was their last day there, and she had let herself sleep in. At home she could never really do that, Sasuke always woke up early and sulked around the apartment, usually rather loudly, cleaning and making breakfast. It was one of the annoying little things she found herself putting up with for the sake of her "dream relationship."



She yawned loudly, stretching and then snuggling back down into the soft cotton sheets on her bed, the thread count ridiculously high and it felt wonderful. She closed her eyes again, thinking she'd have to ask at the desk on the way out where they got some, maybe look into getting some of her own when she left. She sat up then, picking up the silver phone on her bedside table.



She was awake now, and she didn't want to waste her last day here away. She had things she wanted to do before she left. She pressed the yellow button on the bottom, connecting her to the room service desk, and ordered a light breakfast, fruit and scones and pastry, fresh orange juice, and a pot of tea. She gave them her room number, telling them to put it on her account before pressing the cradle button, hanging up. She waited a second before releasing it, the dial tone ringing through her ear again.



She called Ino.



X





Sasuke also woke up to sun coming through the window, high in the sky. It was weird to him, he hadn't slept that late since he'd graduated high school, he'd always had trouble sleeping, even when he was young. He found he kind of liked it, stretching lazily, snuggling up against the warmth in his bed. It took him a moment to realize it wasn't Sakura, and a rush of an entirely different sort of warmth filled him. It was Naruto, Naruto who'd kissed him last night, Naruto who'd agreed to stay the night, Naruto who had promised never to leave him.



He knew Naruto hadn't meant it that way, it wasn't like they were together in any romantic way, but it still made him almost giddy on the inside. He moved slowly, listening to the slow rush of Naruto's breath, even enough that he was probably still asleep. Sasuke couldn't help but smile. A glance at the clock told him it was almost 1 in the afternoon, and as he sighed quietly, closing his eyes again, he thought he could definitely get used to this.



The next time his eyes opened it was with a start, Naruto slipping out from beneath him. He blushed a little, realizing he must have fallen back asleep, his head pillowed on Naruto's shoulder, arms wrapped around the boy's middle. He opened his mouth and started stuttering out a long list of illegible apologies. Naruto just smiled over his shoulder, shaking his head a little as he stretched tanned arms over his head. Sasuke found himself trailing off, caught off guard by the motion of muscle over bone, the smooth flow of the flesh of Naruto's arms as they moved upwards, fingers linked over his head, the way that sliver of skin around his middle grew and bunched, the boy's back arching into the stretch like a cat.



A soft chuckle from Naruto broke his concentration again, and he blushed deeply, realizing that he'd been staring intently at that line of tanned skin only when it disappeared under the soft cotton shirt again. His heart fluttered slightly as he realized Naruto wasn't mad about that either, even though the mischievous glint in those blue eyes said he'd caught Sasuke. The Uchiha buried his blushing face back into the pillows. It was partly to hide the blush that had spread across his face, because Uchiha's were never supposed to blush like that, never be that caught of guard, but it was also to hide the equally uncharacteristic smile.



X





Sasuke woke again, realizing he must have fallen asleep there, still in the warmth of his own bed. A glance at the clock made him start. It was nearly 2, and he hadn't even called into the office. Naruto wasn't in the room, but his pants were still lying by the dresser so he couldn't have left yet. Besides, the house smelled delicious, better than he could ever remember it smelling. Sasuke didn't consider himself a good cook, and that was something that Sakura had never shown much interest in either, so the scent carrying in the air was enough to drag him from bed.



It was cold in the room, and he shivered in the short shirt and low hung boxers he wore. He snagged a plush robe from the armoire, a present from Sakura last christmas, and thought twice about it. It had too many memories attached to it, and he couldn't let that stain this wonderful morning. Sasuke wanted to remember these moments forever, because he might not have this chance again. He hung the robe back up carefully, and grabbed a loose sweatshirt instead, expensive yet fashionably worn around the edges. It was a bit big for him, but it was warm.



He pushed through the bedroom door, and into the main room, bright and cheery as he'd ever seen it. It was amazing how much better the space felt now, when there wasn't so much hanging above his head. The oppressive emptiness was gone, and he remembered why he'd liked it now. Still, his eyes were drawn across the room, to the open kitchen by the door. His mouth went dry.



Naruto was in front of the stove, humming quietly over a pan Sasuke vaguely recognized but couldn't remember ever having used himself. On the open grill beside it Sasuke could see sausages sizzling, and bread browning lightly. He tried to stop staring at the other boy, but he found it difficult when Naruto, dressed only in what he'd worn to bed, swung his hips like that, just the slightest amount, to some beat inside his head. He watched the way the boy moved, how he raised the pan and expertly flipped the contents of the pan with one smooth motion, before turning to look over his shoulder with a smile. Their eyes met and Sasuke blushed again, though it wasn't as deep this time.



"Hey Sasuke, I hope you don't mind but there wasn't anything in your fridge so I ordered a delivery from that market down the street, the number was on the fridge. Perfect timing though, I was just about to come wake you up!" Sasuke watched as Naruto slid the contents of the pan, something large and yellow and soft, onto a plate, and expertly halved it. He managed a smile then, wider than he'd expected, and took a seat at the breakfast bar, his eyes following Naruto as he moved once again, appreciatively. The blond either failed to notice this, or graciously ignored it, either way Sasuke was grateful.



The blond sat down across from him, a plate in each hand, piled high with food. Sasuke's stomach turned a little as he looked at it though, the alcohol from last night catching up to him. He must have looked green, because Naruto sprang up, like he'd forgotten something, grabbing a glass of orange juice and a smaller plate from the counter, setting them softly beside Sasuke.



"I thought you might be a little off, you had more than enough to drink last night after all. I grabbed these when I was out. They'll help." He looked down, the plate held several little white pills, in a couple different sizes. He hesitated for a moment, before looking up at Naruto's smiling face, seeing the worry for him around the edges. He trusted Naruto, he knew that, so he reached out, scooping them up and popping them into his mouth all at once, wincing a little as he slammed the orange juice down after.



Naruto laughed a little, telling him maybe he should take it a little slower next time, and though the sound hurt his head a little, Sasuke found himself smiling back and really, really meaning it.



X





Sakura settled into the front seat of Ino's convertible with a smile. Sure, she was sad to see their little vacation come to an end, but she was also looking forwards to going home, in a way, getting all of this over with. She had been planning out how to tell Sasuke that they needed to split up, and she glanced down at the ring sparkling on her finger. She kind of hoped he wouldn't ask for it back, but she knew she'd probably end up giving it back anyways. Too many memories, too much had been riding on that ring when she'd gotten it. She sighed.



She wasn't as sure as she had been that Sasuke had been cheating, so many things didn't add up when she thought about them. That wasn't what this was about really anyways though, it was about their lack of communication, the lack of comfort between them anymore. She sighed again.



It would be tough, sure, but she knew that Ino would be there, and Naruto, and everyone else. She hoped Sasuke would understand, she really didn't want to have to find a new job on top of everything else.



X





Sasuke hadn't moved from his seat at the bar, after watching Naruto clean the dishes and then brew a small pot of coffee, the two of them making comfortable small talk. Neither brought up last night, and as much as Sasuke knew they had to talk about it, preferably soon before Sakura got back, he was glad for this. He didn't want to wonderfully comfortable, domestic moment with Naruto to end.



He'd never had anyone cook him breakfast since he'd lived with his parents, staff and cooks aside, and then it had only been on the rare occasion that his mother was home when he woke up, and not hurrying off somewhere. It was just nice to do with Naruto, rolling out of bed so late and being able to just sit down and talk.



He smiled, as Naruto fumbled through the cupboards, cursing quietly, and laughing, alternately. Sasuke got up, standing behind the boy. He couldn't resist, when Naruto looked so sweet, and he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around the blond's waist loosely, burying his face in Naruto's hair. The boy stilled, his body going stiff for a second before relaxing, leaning back a little. He smiled.



"What are you looking for, anyways?" Naruto was silent and still for a second before shrugging.



"I don't remember." Sasuke chuckled, holding him a little bit closer, sighing into his shoulder.



"You made me get up for nothing then? Inconsiderate..." Naruto smirked, pulling away a little bit and turning.



"No one made you get up, bastard." The tone was soft and playful, the smile that played across Naruto's face delectable. Sasuke had the urge to kiss him, but stopped himself. He didn't know where they stood now, not after everything that had happened. That kiss could have been a signal that Naruto liked him, really liked him, or it could have just been an attempt to calm him down, a clever reassurance on Naruto's part. He had no way of knowing. He found his face growing more serious, and he turned, looking into Naruto's eyes as the boy sipped his coffee.



"Naruto, about last night..." The boy's smile faltered a little. Sasuke opened his mouth, his eyes redirecting to the mug in Naruto's hand out of uncomfortable instinct. He wasn't quite sure how to put it.



"Was that-" He was cut off by the door sliding open noisily on it's tracks. He turned to find Sakura there, smiling brightly, dragging the weekend bag on one arm. Naruto set his cup down, walking over to greet the girl, and taking her bag awkwardly as she said her good afternoons. Sasuke fidgeted a little, unable to look directly at her. He didn't want to break her heart, not when she looked so much better than the girl that had walked out of that apartment that night. He swallowed as she came to a stop in front of him.



He opened his mouth but nothing came out, the words freezing in his throat. Suddenly he just felt foolish and dirty again, felt like he wasn't worth all of this. He couldn't hurt her, they'd been friends for too long and he just didn't want her to hate him. He knew he should- had to -tell her the truth, but he didn't know if he could stand that look in her eyes again. It was Sakura that broke the silence.



"Sasuke, I think-" Naruto cut her off, laying a hand on her arm. Sasuke felt his eyes drawn to that connection, the contact between them, and he felt like he didn't belong here anymore.



"Sakura, wait. Before you start, I think you should let Sasuke speak. He needs to get this out there." Naruto turned his eyes to Sasuke then, and their gazes locked. He saw that promise, the one the blond had made him last night, swimming in them. He knew at least Naruto would stand by him, and that fact made him just a little bit stronger. it was enough.



"Sakura..." His voice was small, tired and scared, but he forced it out. "Sakura, you were right. I was cheating on you. It wasn't just once, but before you react it isn't what you think. There wasn't another woman, it wasn't women Sakura." He could see confusion in her eyes, and he almost stopped there. He knew he had to finish, had to see this through. It would hurt less that way, for both of them.



"I'm gay. It was with men Sakura, never more than once though, I couldn't make myself start anything else with them. It was just sex. I just..." He trailed off again, his eyes searching both of their faces. Sakura's eyes brimmed with tears, but Naruto's shown with support. He knew he could make it through this then, even if it hurt. Naruto moved to touch his arm then, softly, just a reminder of what didn't need to be said again between them. They both waited then, and Sasuke couldn't even bring himself to breath. Sakura was crying, silently, tears sliding down her cheeks in little streams.



"I knew it was over, I was going to end it when I got home anyways." Her voice was choked, but her words were clear. "I had hoped I wasn't right about the cheating, but I knew your heart wasn't in it anymore. At-at least you told me, but Sasuke..." She trailed off, smiling now, even though tears were still streaming down her cheeks. "You could have just told me, it would have hurt but I would have understood, I would have let you go. In the end, I just hope we can still part as friends, you know?" Sasuke felt something in his chest grow lighter at that, and he almost smiled. He crossed the distance then, hugging her to his chest tightly, like he used to. She just cried.



It seemed like a long time before she pulled back, drying her tears on the sleeve of her sweater. She smiled weakly at him, and then at Naruto. Sasuke returned the smile.



"So... can we still be friends? I can understand if you hate me for this, and I can find a way for us to be able to avoid each other at work and things... I-I don't want that though. I still love you, just not... like that, you know...?" He trailed off again, hating himself for the way the words kept coming out of his mouth in jumbles and stuttering stops. She smiled.



"I'd like that."



X





Naruto had walked Sakura to the street, and called her a cab to Ino's. She'd promised her friend that she'd come stay with her after everything, and she promised she'd be back to pick up her stuff before the week was over.



Sasuke was surprised when the buzzer on the door went off again, and when he opened it his heart skipped a beat. Naruto was back, standing there kind of awkwardly, hands in his pockets, blushing just a tiny bit, but smiling. They just looked at each other for a second before the blond launched forwards, hugging Sasuke tightly to his chest, still smiling like an idiot. The Uchiha couldn't wrap his mind around this.



"Sasuke, that went so well. I'm so glad you guys are friends again. I wasn't sure where you'd stand with each other after that and I didn't want you to fight. I hate it when you fight." Sasuke's breath stalled in his lungs again, and the familiar apprehension crept back into him, clouding his voice again.



"And what about us, Naruto? Where do we stand?" He pulled back a little, cupping a tanned cheek gently and looking into clear blue eyes. He felt his heart beating faster than it had ever gone before, his body suddenly very very hot.



Naruto's smile faded a little, his eyes unsure, and Sasuke closed his eyes to hide the hurt, readying himself to be pushed away, either physically or verbally. He wasn't expecting the arms that threw themselves around his neck, the hesitant lips that pressed against his. He couldn't move for a second, he couldn't even think. He was too afraid that if he did this would all go away again. It didn't though, and Naruto pulled back, burying his face in the crook of Sasuke's neck, still just standing there in the doorway.



"We're still the same, Sasuke. I'm still right here. I have no idea where we're going, but we're going there together." The words made Sasuke's heart skip a beat.



"Promise?"



"Promise."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N: IT"S OVER!!

p.s. there will eventually be an omake with secks but it's not on th top of my things to do list right now so i dunno when it'll be out.