Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Colourless Vanity	By : Cepheus Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1743 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Approach
- 2-Offer
- 3-Understand
- 4-Departure
- 5-Meeting
- 6-Truth
- 7-Control
- 8-Burning
- 9-Observing
- 10-Forming
- 11-Forcing
- 12-Portraying
- 13-Organizing
- 14-Honing
- 15-Entering
- 16-Bruising
- 17-Admitting
- 2
- 3
- 4
Edited: 07/09/2014
Cepheus: so, hello people! Your reviews are making me feel really appreciated. :D keep ‘em coming, please! ^^
Chapter warning, a bit of angst. Just the tiniest bit.
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“Talking”
‘Thinking’
–Flashbacks, memories, dreams–
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                                                                          Colourless Vanity
                                                                          Chapter 03: Understand
“He didn’t answer, Tsunade!”
Jiraiya refused to look at the Hokage.
Hands clenched into fists at his sides, head lowered so Tsunade couldn’t see his conflicted expression, Jiraiya was trying to hide his hurt and his anger from his former teammate.
“His eyes were obviously bright at the prospect of coming with me,” he spit out after a short moment of silence, his frown so deep it showed more than a couple new wrinkles. “But then… he stopped. I know he was about to accept, Tsunade! And then he didn’t! Just like that, he calmed down, hesitated, then he said he needed time to think about it!”
If he had to be honest with himself, something that came hard to him, Jiraiya would admit he was not jealous, nor angry.
Well, no, that wasn’t true. He was angry, just a little bit. He should have known better than to feel betrayed by the fact that Naruto had failed to act like he had predicted he would. No, that was normal. Naruto was a teenager, and they were unpredictable…
No. He was angry simply because of that one look Naruto had given him before mentioning he needed time. He had looked confused. Uncertain.
Yes, maybe the man would have preferred to have a joyous, spontaneous reaction that could reassure him about just how much Naruto wanted to be his apprentice, but… if Naruto, of all people, was thinking about things instead of rushing through them with haste, then…
Then it meant there were serious issues that needed to be faced. And Jiraiya did not like that even someone like Naruto had seen it, but he, the great Sennin, had once again failed to face them.
Tsunade looked down at her hands, not knowing what to say. She had not expected Naruto’s blatant lack of reaction either, and she could understand Jiraiya’s pain, but her gut feeling gnawing at her kept telling her about a different reason for his hesitance, one she was afraid to contemplate.
Sounding desperate, Jiraiya turned around. “Naruto needs this. Not just for his own protection, but to learn things he wouldn’t if he remained in the village, Tsunade. I could see the hesitation in his eyes, and yet…”
“Don’t you think I know, Jiraiya?” she snapped at him, not liking his tone.
It was too bad, really, that more than Jiraiya’s thoughts on the matter, she was thinking at Hyoo’s words. She did not like it, but maybe they held some truth. Naruto did need a break, a place safe away from the village where he could learn how to harness his skills without having to worry about anything, but… maybe that did not mean leaving the village to go on a journey was the right way.
A part of her cringed at thinking that, but it made her feel somewhat better. That did not mean she wanted him to have a go at the ANBU either. Unfortunately she could not ask someone like Jiraiya to stay in Konoha just to help Naruto, as he had his own job that he was needed to do.
But she had to ask. “Jiraiya,” she looked up at him abruptly, brown eyes serious, willing him to understand. “If Naruto… if he were to accept Hyoo’s offer… would you be willing to stay here to help?”
The sennin froze.
Tsunade knew she was asking him too much. Not just because of his information network, which he kept running from his various bases around the lands, but also because… well, she knew he wanted to leave still. The man knew, deep down, that running didn’t accomplish anything, and yet he was too used to running away, so even small little steps were met with stubborn reluctance. Naruto had helped with this, but Tsunade was not sure that would be enough.
Tsunade had to wonder if Jiraiya was trying to get Naruto to follow him in the vain attempt to see if the teen was really like him; but he wasn’t. Tsunade knew this. Naruto was not Jiraiya, just like he was not Tsunade, either.
And despite all the resemblances with his parents, with how brash and lively he was, just like Kushina, and the twinkle of his father’s genius echoing in his eyes, Naruto was not them either.
He was growing to be his own person, and they had to accept it.
“Don’t tell me you agree with the ANBU now?” Jiraiya snarled, hiding his growing distress under a blanket of rage.
She shook his head. “Kami knows I don’t want him to. But if that’s what he chooses, then… I won’t stop him. It’s his life, Jiraiya, he will need to make his own decisions, make his own mistakes…” she halted, then, softly, she added, “it won’t do for him to repeat ours”.
Jiraiya accused the blow, leaning on the wall for support and refusing to look at her.
He opened his mouth twice to speak again, to defend himself, to negate what Tsunade was implying, but found no energy to do so. She was right.
He could not protect Naruto forever, especially if the way he was trying to protect him was by making him act like himself.
“He’s going to be released from the hospital in a few hours,” Tsunade said after a long pause, not looking up from her desk. “Kyuubi’s healing power kicked in earlier today, and his wounds are completely healed already. Maybe he’d like to see you again”.
Jiraiya straightened up, hesitating.
“No. I will give him time to decide for himself which offer to take. It wouldn’t do to mess with the kid’s mind more”.
The two Sannin finally looked up and their gazes met. They suddenly felt really, really old.
                                                                          …–…–…–…
Leaving the hospital put Naruto in a very good mood.
Being idle for too long was not really his thing, and he missed running around and training already, so as he stepped out from the hospital front doors, he had plans for the day already.
“Oi Naruto!”
Looking up, Naruto found three of his friends waiting for him outside, and he smiled brightly at them.
It looked like they were fine despite their own fights, and that made his worry lessen.
Neji had arrived at the hospital depleted of chakra and with all tenketsu points almost completely exhausted, but after some intensive care he looked just fine; he was going to have to rest for a while still, but the medic-nin had done wonders for him.
Shikamaru was the one who had been physically hurt the least, and only had a couple bandages on his arms, but he looked pensive and serious, and his mood made Naruto worry for him instantly.
The lazy butt was clearly bothered by something, but knowing him he would not share his worries until he had come up with a proper explanation, which made Naruto tense up a bit.
Last but not least, there was Kiba, leaning against the wall of the hospital and looking almost naked without his usual hood and Akamaru on his shoulder; the dog had been left at home with Kiba’s older sister Hana, forced to rest after his battle. Kiba looked a bit battered still, but he was smirking, which Naruto took to mean he was feeling better.
The sight filled Naruto with relief, as it had been his fault his friends had been hurt.
As he approached them, the three stared at him, almost as if appraising his health, and when they decided he didn’t have any lasting damage that they could see, they all relaxed, and even Shikamaru’s frown smoothed out.
“Nice to see you out of that stinking place, Naruto!” Kiba patted his back in a show of camaraderie. “Is everything ok? Oh, is the prick still in the hospital?”
Naruto smirked and pushed a thumb to his chest. “I’m always fine, Kiba! Nothing can keep me down, I’m a fast healer. And yeah, he’s still recovering”. He paused, then glanced at the three. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
Kiba shrugged, pointing at himself as if that was enough of an answer.
He had been deathly worried for his friends and Akamaru back at home, but seeing Naruto this boisterous and smiling put his worries to rest.
Neji offered him a smile. It was still somewhat awkward to push aside his usual cold attitude, but he had to admit that having friends to worry about made it a bit easier. He hadn’t felt at peace for a long time, but lately he had started to think that things were definitely getting better.
He had emerged victorious from his brutal fight, with a burning desire to not just grow stronger, but also learn more about himself, and his own goals. He was glad that his companions were also fine, and that the frail friendship he’d formed with them was allowed to grow.
Shikamaru observed Kiba and Naruto’s idle chat, scratching his head and keeping quiet. His shoulders were heavy with guilt, coming back almost unscathed from their mission only to see his friends all hurt, but seeing as they had succeeded, he was grateful. He did not know what could have happened if the rescue mission had failed, but thankfully he would never know.
They had not failed. Sasuke had been taken back, and Naruto was still smiling.
Shikamaru thought back at what his sensei had said –that this would be a lesson for him, to learn from what he perceived as mistakes in order to become a better ninja, a better strategist, and slowly straightened his back, resolve turning into steel.
He would never let his friends down ever again.
“Are you going home now, Naruto?” he asked, slouching down again.
Naruto turned towards him and smiled, sheepish. “Not really, no! I am hungry, and I’ve missed Ichiraku’s ramen so much!”
Which was the truth –the cups Sakura had brought him had sustained him to face the hospital food, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want more. Besides, he had the feeling that if he stopped to think about the ANBU’s offer, and Jiraiya’s, he would not feel good for a while, so he was planning to eat first, act like nothing was wrong, and then face things afterwards.
There were also other things to ponder about. What to do about Akatsuki, what to do about Sasuke, what to do about… everything. Just because he had won this time did not mean he wouldn’t have to fight soon, and falling into a false sense of security would be his downfall.
Would Orochimaru attempt to lure Sasuke away again? Naruto trusted his friend, but he did not trust Orochimaru, or Kabuto.
He could not let himself believe that everything was fine anymore.
What did he accomplish? He had reached Sasuke by sheer luck, and the fact that he had accepted to come back was good, but he couldn’t take praise for that. There was nothing to boast about. He wasn’t strong enough to back up his claims.
“Wish I could join you, but mom said to come straight home after meeting you, sorry mutt,” Kiba elbowed him in the side, smirking at him. “But what about celebration ramen tomorrow? What’d ya say??”
Naruto’s eyes lit up at the prospect. “I’m in!”
Shikamaru snorted but nodded his consent; he wondered if Chouji would be up to join them as well.
Neji also nodded, grateful he had been included in the friendly meet-up.
It felt good to belong –not just to his team, but also to a group of friends.
The four split up, each of them going into a different direction, and Naruto walked towards the ramen stand feeling lighter. His friends were doing ok, and they were going to spend time together (with ramen!) the following day, and that was… good. More than good.
Slowly, day after day, he was gaining acknowledgement from more and more people, and who cared if most of the village still disliked him?
He would slowly win them all over.
For now, he had his friends, Iruka–sensei, Jiraiya the pervert, Tsunade obaa–chan…
The rest of them would come with time.
“Naruto,” a deep voice coming from behind him startled him out of his thoughts.
He didn’t even have to turn around to recognise who had spoken. He could not forget that voice –it was the ANBU who had visited him at the hospital.
Naruto’s excitement over the prospect of eating ramen quickly disappeared, and he suddenly felt overly embarrassed for some reason; he still felt uneasy around the ANBU, for no particular reason, and it was only because he had been with Kiba until moments before that he could finally think up of a comparison –he felt like a pup next to a feral, adult wolf. Or well, a panther.
A feral panther that was not showing any sort of aggressive behaviour towards him, and that confused him. He was used to adults treating him with scorn, or like he was invisible, but there was something about Hyoodoku’s focus on him that made him feel suddenly in the centre of attention, and it was unnerving.
“Ah, err, hello!” he greeted, halting mid-step and finding himself swiftly heading towards his apartment instead. “I mean. Good morning,” he corrected himself.
Although the man did not laugh at him, Naruto could almost sense the smile under that mask; fighting the urge to shift away from the imposing figure of the ANBU at his side, Naruto wondered how did it look like from an outsider point of view, watching the village demon’s container and the respectable ANBU commander walking side by side.
It probably looked like he was being escorted somewhere, or just really strange.
“Maybe not as strange as you think”.
Naruto’s eyes widened. ‘Is he reading my mind?!’
Hyoo smirked under the mask at the teen’s astonished expression. “ANBU don’t walk through the village like that, so we might attract some unwanted attention, but there are no rules about who we can interact with”.
Naruto was now absolutely sure the man was smiling. Too bad he couldn’t see his face.
Still, the casual reply soothed his worries, and even though he still felt awkward, he relaxed a bit, walking idly down the street as the ANBU matched his pace.
The silence between them stretched on, and not liking it Naruto cleared his throat, searching for something to say. “Why a panther?” he found himself asking.
A split second later, he covered his mouth with one hand, feeling stupid.
That wasn’t really a question one could ask an ANBU, let alone the commander of the corps, ri0ght?
Nonetheless, the man didn’t seem to mind his curiosity at all, and Naruto felt a bit relieved.
“Panthers are lethal animals. They can hide themselves in the shadows and attack their prey without warning or sound –moving like silk, mortal and deathly,” the ANBU replied. “I thought it was pretty neat if I could get my enemies to think of me as one”.
Naruto stared at the man in awe. He had received a clear answer without being reprimanded for his curiosity, and the man didn’t even seem angry about it… besides, his words held pride for his mask choice, and Naruto could admit that it was a fitting choice for the man.
Mood cheerful once more, Naruto smiled up at the ANBU. One of the things everybody knew about the corps was that each of them was allowed to choose the traits of an animal for their mask, and their training often tried to mimic motions and styles that would remind opponents of that animal.
Hyoo’s words held no arrogance to them, either.
“Each ANBU member receives a blank mask to paint, to symbolise their inner traits and power, so that the mask will reflect them for others to see –like a mirror of their soul,” Hyoo continued, eyeing Naruto’s reaction curiously.
Considering the man’s words for a moment, Naruto’s face twisted into a grimace, before the teen schooled it back to show indifference. “I guess I would be pretty boring then, with a fox mask,” he shrugged, trying to sound casual.
It wasn’t like being constantly compared to a fox was an insult for him. There were many characteristics that Naruto shared with that animal, and not just because he was the host of a fox demon… but it did annoy him that he would be forever associated to the Kyuubi no Kitsune, no matter what he could do.
Despite that, if things came down to that he would learn to use that to his advantage. He didn’t want to be known for the skills of the stupid fox, so if the chance arose, he would definitely pick something else, anything else.
“Who said that?”
The carefree tone of the ANBU shocked Naruto just as much as the words he’d spoken; he wondered how a killer could look so detached and sound so carefree whenever he wanted, but then he reminded himself that ANBU at least had a mask, while people like Kakashi-sensei or Jiraiya didn’t even have one, and they could move from cheerful to dangerous when the need arose.
A person didn’t need a real mask in order to hide who they really were.
“Well, I’m… I mean, I’m the Kyuubi’s vessel, so–” a hand rose to his face, stopping him.
“Exactly. You are its vessel. Whatever trait you were told you had in common with the creature you host has nothing to do with who you are,” the mask tilted slightly, and Naruto had the impression the ANBU was pointing at where his seal was. “You are you, and the demon is the demon. You don’t have to feel like you should associate with images that tie you to Kyuubi simply because you are what keeps it caged”.
During the first few days after Mizuki revealed to him that he hosted Kyuubi inside him, Naruto had often wondered just how much of what shinobi and villagers thought of him was the truth. He had agonized over whether he was the demon, really, not just its container –if they were all so convinced of it, was Naruto just fooling himself?
Then Sandaime had explained it to him in a way that he could understand. A sealing scroll was still just a scroll, it did not become the object it had sealed within it. Like a bowl was still a bowl, not the ramen it contained. And that was the same for Naruto. Just because he hosted Kyuubi did not make him Kyuubi at the same time.
And yet it seemed such a hard thing for most people to understand, that hearing Hyoo say it so casually made Naruto feel once again unbalanced. It seemed to be a common reaction to the ANBU’s words.
“If you want others to realise that you are not the demon, if you want people to consider you for who you are, then you have to be the first to realise that the demon does not define you. You have to recognise the things you accomplished by yourself, and keep working with your own strengths”.
“I–” Naruto did not know what to say.
The ANBU stopped, and looked down at him. Naruto swallowed and looked up, meeting the eyes behind the mask.
“Once you are aware of where the demon ends and your own self starts, then you will be able to find your own strength, and with your sheer will, I don’t see why you wouldn’t become a strong ninja on your own. This is why I offered you to enter the ANBU. Our methods might be brutal, but it is through harsh training that you can find your own limits and overcome them. That is what we offer to you –a way to unlock your potential and let it grow”.
Naruto looked away, mulling over his words, then dared to ask the only question he had been thinking about ever since Hyoo had given him his offer. “Why?”
Why me, why go out of your way to explain yourself, why indulge my questions, why… why?
Hyoo sighed.
This boy, even if he did not know it yet, was the Yondaime’s legacy. The Hokage had sacrificed his life to try and save his son and the village, and even if his idea had been for Konoha to see Naruto as a hero, things had not gone the way he had hoped they would.
And yet, despite that, Hyoo had seen how someone hailed as a prodigy by the village had turned out. It was a miracle Naruto was still willing to fight for Konoha, instead of wanting to leave.
Naruto had enough determination to control and tame the beast, and he was strong enough on his own to show that the demon wasn’t what gave him power, but…
He was supposed to be happy. Despite everything, Naruto was supposed to have a normal life, not this.
What was the point of this all if Yondaime’s son couldn’t even live his life as he was supposed to?
He shouldn’t question Hyoo’s honesty. He shouldn’t be used to being treated poorly simply because of the demon.
Hyoo felt anger bubble under his usual calm composure, and he forced it away. “I could tell you that I’m simply looking forwards to seeing how strong you can be if you channel your energies in the right way, or that I think you’d grow to be strong and I want to add you to my squads,” he said, looking ahead towards the busy streets of the village, “but the truth is simpler, and it might be less interesting because of that. I just think it would be a waste to prevent you from achieving your dreams because you were not given the chance to show what you’re made of”.
“… oh”.
Naruto was once again at loss of words. Hyoo said it was a simple thing, but to him it meant everything. He had always had to fight to have what for others was a given, and it was as simple as that –Hyoo was treating him like any other person. Not because he was special, but simply because he had the right to have a chance he wouldn’t get otherwise.
He started walking again, and the ANBU followed him at his pace. Something had changed though, and even as they fell silent, he did not feel as fidgety and awkward as before. The ANBU at his side didn’t feel like an imposing, scary figure anymore –his presence now was almost comforting.
‘I deserve a chance,’ Naruto found himself grinning. ‘He didn’t put me down, he simply thought I would do well, and offered me the place to try it. He trusts me enough to say I can become strong, and that’s all’.
It was a weird thing. Iruka had only started to believe in him because he had seen him go against Mizuki. Ebisu hadn’t even wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Jiraiya had dropped him more than once to do things on his own, and had only started to believe in him after Naruto had surprised him. Even Tsunade had looked down on him until he had shown her the Rasengan. Kakashi… Kakashi-sensei had thought he wasn’t even worth training for the matches, because of Sasuke. He wondered if he had changed idea now that Sasuke was back from his attempt at defection.
But all of them had only seen Naruto after he had proven himself to be better than their assumptions. He had done nothing to impress Hyoo, and he still put his faith in Naruto’s growth.
The ANBU commander trusted him ahead of time.
“You have continuously fought to have what others consider a given,” Hyoo broke the silence, almost as if reading Naruto’s mind again. “You deserve the same as them. Still, the fact that you’ve had to fight for everything makes you, in a way, stronger than most”.
Everyone had always more or less implied that to get what he wanted –attention, acknowledgement– he’d have to fight for every bit of it. And now this man was saying that he deserved it –without favouritism or antagonism.
Naruto could also see what he meant, though. For every small achievement he’d had to fight his hardest, and that gave him an edge, because he was used to working hard for the things he wanted. He was not afraid of training to the point of exhaustion.
He could see how things worked better than most, he could use this edge to exploit a situation so that it would benefit him, because he could see a side of people that most could not.
“Ero–sennin… no! I mean, Jiraiya,” he hastily corrected himself, not wanting to badmouth the sennin in front of an ANBU guard, “he said he wanted me to join him as his apprentice. Away from Konoha, for three years”.
He hadn’t really wanted to tell that to the ANBU, but he still did. He guessed that the ANBU wouldn’t hold it against him for having another option to choose from.
“Oh, that is a honour,” the ANBU had known Jiraiya would make his countermove. After all, it was only fair. “Is that what you want then?”
Naruto hesitated.
“I want to be stronger… that’s something I’ve always wanted,” he replied hesitantly. “Maybe this time he would concentrate on me instead of doing his research… last time I had to work all on my own,” he muttered, referring to the way Jiraiya had only given him a hint to learn the Rasengan steps, and then had left to ‘gather some info at the local onsen’.
The sennin wasn’t really a bad teacher –Naruto was aware the man had just wanted to test him and keep him busy, and that was coupled with the fact that he was pretty sure Jiraiya lacked people skills, or just his ‘interact–with–teenagers’ skills were sort of lacking. Either way, he could understand his motives, and had it been any other person but Naruto, he guessed it would have been effective.
But it wasn’t. Not with him. Naruto had never had positive attention given to him, and Jiraiya’s careless attitude only enraged him and made him feel uncared for. He guessed he just had bad luck with teachers, after Iruka-sensei. Kakashi had done the same, after all.
Maybe he was cursed with the ‘teachers-who-think-they’re-doing-the-best-thing-while-actually-messing-shit-up’ curse.
He desperately wanted… needed… someone who would dedicate attention to him, just as much as they did to others. It wasn’t even egoistic, because Naruto didn’t demand full attention. He just asked for the same as everybody else.
Hyoo remained silent, watching as Naruto seemed to consider what to say next.
“But I am not sure this would work out the way I want it,” he finally blurted out. “Besides… uuh…” he looked anywhere but at Hyoo, and finally spit out what he was thinking. “It’d feel like I’m running away!”
He stopped again, fidgeting, and then he rushed to explain himself, not wanting the man to get the wrong idea.
“I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t love to be trained by Jiraiya. He’s an old pervert but he’s strong, and he knows a lot of things about everything! It’s just that… I love Konoha. I really do. and I want to be Hokage! But three years is a lot of time. And what would I miss if I left? Isn’t a Hokage supposed to know and love his village? Would that really help me? Can’t I learn everything while still having a stable base here?”
He ruffled his hair, annoyed at his own inability to explain himself. He was really bad with words.
It felt like it was important for him to stay. Sasuke had wanted to run away, and now he wasn’t anymore. Naruto wasn’t abandoning his village by leaving, but… it still felt like he was.
There was too much of Konoha that he still couldn’t understand, and would he lose what little he had learned by leaving?
He’d only seen the evil glares of a lot of the civilians, he’d only seen their bad side. He loved the place, but there was so much of it that he’d only caught a glimpse of.
It was important –or at least it felt like that to him– that he was allowed to learn everything now. Not later. Now. Before… before…
Hyoo let out a soft sigh, but he nodded. He could understand what Naruto was saying, and even more what he wasn’t saying.
What if the world outside was more welcoming than Konoha? What if he found somewhere he liked more, somewhere that liked him more? What if he found himself starting to dislike Konoha for… everything?
Naruto wanted to steel his love for Konoha first –it meant that somewhere deep inside, the kid was aware that he still didn’t love it as much as he proclaimed.
Naruto would give his life for his friends, but would that love stand tall even in the face of protecting the whole of Konoha? He could say it would, but he hid inside himself a seed of doubt nonetheless.
And yet, Hyoo understood, because this confused person was young, and there were so many incognita in front of him.
Hyoo’s view of the village was as a whole. He didn’t think of it as single individuals, and even if he did, they were all worth saving for the sole reason that they were part of the village. This sort of ideal was what Naruto needed to learn. This place gave birth to many worth shinobi, just like it did to unworthy ones, and to nice villagers just the same as stupid, uncouth ones.
But they were all people, and the only reason they needed to be protected was that this was the place that had given birth to him, the place he belonged to, and one that, despite those against it, loved him.
Of course, the village was biased against Naruto, and he could never learn this truth by being himself… not yet. He was too young to make a name out of himself, they wouldn’t believe in him.
But this could change if Naruto chose the path of the ANBU.
Of course, this wasn’t fair –Hyoo was painfully aware of that– but if this was the only way to give Naruto a chance, then…
“Naruto,” he said, compelling the teen to look at him again. “Are you convinced that staying here would let you learn how to understand” ‘and love’ “all of Konoha? I won’t lie to you. I can’t offer you false reassurances. Many here despise your very existence, and it will be hard to gain their acknowledgement, let alone their respect”.
Naruto huffed. “I know this,” he replied, looking miffed. “I know, but…” But they just did not know him, nor did they want to get to know him. But he would make it so they would not be allowed to look away.
And if in the end they still disliked him, well… Naruto could live with knowing not everybody loved him. It was ok. He knew some people were suffering because of Kyuubi’s memory parading in front of them in orange clothes and a loud voice. He could understand that. But he was still going to try for their hearts nonetheless.
It was important that even if they never found in them to care about him, that they at least acknowledged that he was different from the demon he contained.
That he would never do anything to harm them, or Konoha.
Hyoo hadn’t said it would be impossible to win them over. He just said it would be hard.
“I know you want to get results now. But rushing never helps, especially when you are a ninja. You’re gaining more support day by day, but you’re failing to see the small achievements because your eyes are set on the ending result, which is still out of your grasp”.
“What do you mean?” Naruto frowned, confused.
“You want to be Hokage because this way people will recognise you, right?” at Naruto’s nod, Hyoo continued, “but being Hokage doesn’t mean you will be automatically respected. It’s actually the opposite –the respect will make you become Hokage, not the other way around. Building your strength, showing Konoha’s citizens that you are reliable and love the village… this is what will make the change”.
The blond froze in mid-step. This was the first time someone actually talked to him about his dream, acknowledging it as something possible, but it was also the first time someone worded it in such a way. He hadn’t thought of it like that, ever.
He had assumed that once Hokage, the village surely would…
“Being Hokage is more than just being strong and reliable, Naruto. Try to think about Sarutobi-sama”.
Naruto licked his dry lips.
He couldn’t remember a time when Sandaime hadn’t been taking some time to just walk around the village, smiling at the children, talking with the villagers and the shinobi, inquiring about their lives.
He hadn’t been just a great strategist or a great shinobi –he’d been a great person, too. One that people could respect and love.
The man had truly cared for the village –with all his heart. So maybe Sandaime had kept Kyuubi’s existence from him. So maybe he had made some mistakes in his life… and Naruto had felt some resentment towards him, at first. But that did not mean he loved him any less, or that Sandaime was a lesser person because of it.
The memory of the now deceased Hokage brought forth a sharp pain in his chest. Sandaime had been a great Hokage, yes. He had lived for the sole purpose of his village, and he had died to protect it, believing that it would rise again.
“If you want to be appreciated, you don’t have to be overly strong or cunning –you just have to show it with the little things. It might be harsh to hear that, but as you are now, the village would not allow you to learn about the everyday life. If you really wish to see how any other person sees it, this is why you should choose the ANBU. You could see a side of Konoha that normally is not for you to see. You’d learn how people act, and by doing so you’d learn more about them, and this in turn would let you find ways to make yourself useful once you are living there as yourself. It is not a painless path, and it is not a short one, but it is one that might bear some fruits”.
Naruto blinked.
Hyoo snorted, the sound muffled by the mask. “But don’t be mistaken. If you pass the test, you will spend three years exclusively doing missions with us. You won’t be Naruto anymore. You will just be a faceless ANBU newbie. You would have to train harder than you’ve ever had to, and give it your all without questions asked”.
Three years to see this village the way it should have been for you.
The straightforward speech made Naruto feel strangely better. He was putting down his cards without hiding anything, treating him like an adult.
For this man –the commander of the ANBU, Hyoodoku– Naruto was worth the chance.
Once again, Hyoo answered the unspoken question, as if reading his mind. The man truly had a scary gift. “It is because you deserve the chance, and I think it would be the right choice. Because I believe in your potential. I believe in you”.
Naruto looked away, the honesty making his chest feel painfully tight, and when he glanced at his side again, the ANBU was gone, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the street.
                                                                          …–…–…–…
“Iruka-san!”
Iruka turned around, face set into a frown as he muttered something under his breath about how unwanted visits always happened when he wanted to go check on Naruto, but upon seeing who was calling out for him, his displeasure melted into a small smile.
He had been trying to find Naruto, who had already left the hospital before he could get there, and was now somewhere in the village (possibly at Ichiraku?) but he guessed Naruto would have to wait a bit longer.
“Ah, Raidou-san, good afternoon,” he replied politely, fighting the urge to twist his smile into a much more fitting smirk. “It is unusual to see you around the academy… did you need me?”
Raidou’s face, as expected from a Jounin of his level, showed nothing of his inner amusement; lifting a package he’d been holding so that Iruka could see it, he offered it to the younger man, who made a show of picking it up with an exaggerated confused face.
Aware that there were other shinobi and civilians walking around them, Iruka kept his face schooled into a curious frown as he looked down at the sealed package. “What is this?”
Raidou had to inwardly snort. He had somehow missed this silent, private kind of fun; it felt highly refreshing, sharing a silly act with a friend.
“I was told it contains a few academy books that were mistakenly sent to the Hokage’s office this morning,” he explained, tone low and laced with warmth. “I was sent to the academy to give it back but couldn’t find anyone… you were still around, so I thought you would know what to do with them. I hope the mistake didn’t cause you any inconvenience”.
The weight of the package was familiar to Iruka’s hands, in a way he could not fully explain in words; it was like an old, comforting burden that he had accepted after a long period, but that instead of feeling heavy on his shoulders was more like gentle warmth surrounding him. He welcomed it with a wry smile.
“Ah, I was wondering why we hadn’t received them yet… thank you, Raidou-san,” he smiled at him. “I can’t wait to unpack and use the books with my students!”
Raidou’s polite smile was more of a smirk now than a grin. “Well then, I’ll be off, Iruka-san… goodbye!”
With that, Raidou disappeared in a small swirl of leaves. Iruka was still smiling, holding the precious book package into his arms, but his smile faltered when he felt another chakra signature flicker behind him.
“Hello there, Iruka-sensei!”
Kakashi was standing there, looking as happy and cheerful as ever, waving at him.
Iruka groaned, slightly peeved; in the past few days, Kakashi had visited him rather often, and ever since Naruto and Sasuke had returned he seemed to have taken a liking to interrupting him at random, and Iruka was starting to feel uncomfortable with that.
What did someone like Kakashi want from him?
If Iruka had been a fellow Jounin, then the fact that Kakashi seemed to want to keep in contact with him would be understandable, but Iruka was a Chuunin, and a teacher at the academy…
There was no reason for Kakashi to want to be this friendly with him. The only thing they had in common was that they both cared for Naruto, and maybe with a stretch, Kakashi wanted to repent for his actions and understand Naruto more, but…
Unfortunately, Iruka did not think that was it. Or better then, Kakashi probably did want to repent, but this was not the reason he was bothering him.
Iruka had a vague idea of what Kakashi was hinting at, but he seriously didn’t believe it would be anything serious, not really. That was why the package the Jounin has sent him was still unopened on his kitchen table, as he did not dare try to open it in fear of what it would contain.
Kakashi’s tastes were rather questionable –what with his perverted books– and Iruka did not want to know. At all.
Despite all that, Iruka could have entertained the idea of forming some sort of friendship with the man, if he hadn’t been popping around uninvited at all the most inconvenient times, such as during his academy lessons or in his private time. Kakashi was a nice person, and even if his people skills were somewhat lacking, Iruka could address them in time and kick him into the right direction… but he wasn’t entirely convinced he wanted to at the same time.
As said before, Kakashi had no cognition of when to butt in.
He guessed he could reserve a judgement until he decided Kakashi was no danger for his sanity. If that was the case, then he would accept Kakashi’s offer of friendship and see where that lead them.
“Kakashi-sensei,” he greeted. At first he had referred to the Jounin with a more formal address, but with the recent visits he had decided to indulge to a more familiar wording, but still keep a good distance, just in case. “What are you doing here?”
“I heard Naruto was allowed out of the hospital and decided to drop by,” Kakashi smiled under his mask. “Also, I heard something you might want to know”.
Iruka frowned and scratched the bridge of his nose. “What?”
“Jiraiya-sama offered Naruto the chance to travel with him for three years, all the while training him as his apprentice. This is the reason I’m going to see him, to settle a few things before he leaves. Knowing Jiraiya, the two will be gone the moment he knows Naruto has everything ready, possibly even sooner than that”.
Iruka’s eyebrow threatened to move upwards, but he quickly schooled his expression into the expected mix of surprise and concern; he wondered how Kakashi had gotten the news, since neither of the Sannin had wanted the proposal to be revealed too soon.
He guessed Kakashi was far too good at finding information when he wanted to.
“And you know this… how?” he started walking again, and Kakashi followed him. “Did you spy again on Tsunade-sama and Jiraiya-sama?”
“Maa, maa,” Kakashi scratched the back of his head, closing his visible eye and laughing meekly. “It wasn’t really spying…”
Iruka barely restrained himself from swatting Kakashi like he did with his students, but he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to act upon such childish behaviour. Besides, it would be impolite, the two of them were not at that close level of acquaintance yet.
Not that he wished they were, but the itch to hit him was quite strong.
“Are you sure about that?” he asked instead, appearing even more worried.
Kakashi nodded. “I heard Tsunade speaking with Jiraiya this morning, so it’s confirmed news”.
Iruka remained quiet, pondering over Kakashi’s position on the whole situation.
He seemed to be convinced that Naruto would say yes, and if Iruka didn’t know any better, he would have thought the situation to be ideal for the teen, everything considered. But as it was, he knew that wasn’t all of it. Not at all.
Undisturbed by Iruka’s sudden silence, which he interpreted as worry for his student, Kakashi pulled his most recent book from a pocket of his vest and flicked it open to where he’d stopped earlier.
Iruka glared at him, clenching his hands to stop himself from ripping the book from his hands, and tried to dispel the anger by mentally counting down from 100.
It didn’t really help much, but he managed.
Kakashi simply grinned under his mask.
                                                                          …–…–…–…
Naruto stared at the walls of his apartment with some sort of apathy, a small grimace on his lips.
He had returned to his apartment, thinking that maybe he would forego his ramen need and just focus on the choice offered to him, but once there he found out someone had preceded him.
The front door was open wide, the lock broken apart, and although it seemed like the vandals had not destroyed anything of his possessions, aside from making a mess of his room, they had left some nasty messages scribbled on his walls in black and red ink, and that pissed him off more than a bit.
Most of the insults were slurred and written with uncertain hand, not to mention full of glaring mistakes, so Naruto supposed the people who had broken into his house were drunk, not thinking straight, but the fact remained that his walls were dirty and someone had shoved all his photos onto the floor, smashing the frames so the shards of glass were everywhere.
Not a nice picture to come home to.
It was disturbing that someone had taken it upon themselves to find some paint, smash his door down and then leave without a trace, but he guessed they hadn’t wanted to stick around any longer in the ‘den of the monster’.
At least it was just paint, not blood. That would have been really creepy.
It was also the first time something like this had happened. Usually people were more meek in their dislike –a few muttered words of hatred, a lot of glares, a shop owner asking him to leave, or refusing to sell him things at normal prices, if at all, and there was one time during the Celebration for Kyuubi’s defeat that someone had thrown a rock at his window, but…
Well, nothing like this. They had never dared to break into his home.
Rolling his eyes at the situation, annoyed that he’d have to clean it up by himself, he moved to the small kitchen and grabbed a broom, sweeping the floor first so he wouldn’t step on a shard of glass while cleaning.
The pictures were not ruined, so he’d only have to switch the frames, and he really hoped whoever the drunken person had been, that they hadn’t vomited anywhere in his apartment, so he felt it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
“I am not a fox, idiots,” he snorted, starting to clean the wall with a sponge and a bucket of water. “Tsk, I thought people were more intelligent than that, jeez… and it’s written with just one ‘n’, not two…”
He scrubbed at the wall, but the sponge only managed to smudge the paint a bit. Waterproof, huh? Would it be worth to keep scrubbing in hopes it washed off, or should he paint the wall again?
Amusingly, he did not really feel angered or annoyed, or hurt by this obvious act of vandalism. Maybe it was because of Hyoo’s words, maybe it was because he was used to it, and could see it as what it was –the act of a drunken person who didn’t think it through– but he wasn’t as bothered as he should have been.
Had this happened years before, Naruto was sure it would have hurt… but as it was, this stupid act, with all its grammar errors splattered on his walls, was more pathetic than hurtful.
“Yo, Naruto!”
“Oi, Naruto, it’s me, Iruka-sensei, you weren’t at the hospital so–”
Iruka’s voice stopped abruptly as he and Kakashi entered through the door, and saw the painted walls and the broken frames Naruto had placed on his bed. Iruka gasped in shock, and Kakashi’s visible eye narrowed in clear anger.
“Naruto! Who did this?!”
Naruto turned around, stopping mid-motion. “I dunno,” he replied, shrugging. “Someone who missed a few lessons at the academy I think, they don’t even know how to write…” he snorted. “It’s waterproof though, do you think I should paint it over or…”
“Naruto…” Iruka took a step towards the blond, feeling dread fill his heart, but was stopped by Naruto’s calm stare. The teen didn’t look depressed, nor bothered, which was probably even more worrisome.
“Iruka-sensei, you worry too much!” he grinned at him, poking the wall with a finger. “This means nothing. It’d take something worse to get me riled up! Though I am not sure I’ll have the money to pay for the paint, hmm… I wonder if Tsunade baa-chan would give it to me for free if I ask…”
Iruka and Kakashi were taken aback by Naruto’s carefree attitude, and Kakashi couldn’t help a small smile; Naruto was growing up, and it was good to see that something like this would not push him down. Still, if Naruto would not get angry at this, Kakashi would for him. It was a disgusting act, and he would get to the bottom of this and find the culprit.
Iruka’s shoulders relaxed despite his worry, sincerely proud of his boy.
“Well, seems to me like a D–rank mission,” Kakashi said smoothly, hiding his anger inside himself. “I think a genin team will find they are lucky enough that they get to paint a wall today”.
Naruto stared at him, then smiled brightly at that, reminded of a time when he’d thought D-rank missions were the worst thing ever. He did not envy the poor genins who would have to work for him…
He was glad Kakashi was showing him his support without pity or anger.
“How does one apply for a mission anyway?” Naruto asked, looking at Iruka.
“You should head to the Hokage tower and talk with Shizune, she’ll show you where the papers to sign are,” he answered gently. ‘Besides, once she knows what it is for, she will inform Tsunade, and she will make sure the culprit is rightfully punished’.
Kakashi looked at the broken lock on the door with a hidden grimace. “I suggest you to sleep somewhere else tonight as well, it is not safe if you cannot close your door properly”.
Naruto shrugged. “I don’t think whoever did this would come back while I’m here,” he reasoned, but at a glare from both his sensei he cowered. “Ok, ok! I will go… somewhere else, ok! No need to look at me like that!”
Iruka did not like the idea to leave everything as it was, so he helped Naruto pick up the photos and remove them from the broken frames, then promised he would fix them as soon as possible, and suggested Naruto to pick up the things he didn’t want to leave there and bring them over to the Hokage’s office, so Tsunade could give him a place to store them in the meantime.
Naruto saluted with a smirk, but did as he was told, gathering a few clothes in a bag and staring at his plants with a frown. He couldn’t move them, but he couldn’t let them stay there either. Besides, whether he decided to join the ANBU or Jiraiya, he’d have to find someone to water them while he was gone.
Asking for a long-term D–rank didn’t seem viable –even if he was sure the painting would be kindly taken care of without him paying for it, he did not want to stretch it too far with his plants, but he didn’t have the money to actually pay for such a long time.
He’d have to ask one of his friends maybe, or even Iruka-sensei himself. He’d have to find a solution soon.
Iruka observed him for a while, still concerned. He didn’t seem hurt by the obvious disrespect to his house, and the teacher had to wonder what this meant for him. It was true that Naruto’s house was mostly bare, and everything he held dear he shoved into his small bedroom, but it had to have some sort of meaning to him, right?
Or maybe it was just a place Naruto returned to at night. Iruka had to admit that Naruto seemed the kind of person who wouldn’t think much of his house, at least not now. He lived alone, and cared more about his training than anything else.
Iruka had to wonder if this would change in the future, if Naruto would find a place –maybe somewhere else, rather than in this palace– where he could feel truly at home. A place he could love.
He hoped so.
Naruto really was the most surprising ninja, after all.
                                                                          …–…–…–…
Jiraiya and Tsunade stared at Naruto with trepidation.
He was standing in front of them, chin held high, and it was clear he had picked his answer already, and they were both trying to hide their interest.
Of course, both Sannin had been informed of what had happened to his apartment; just as Iruka had predicted, Tsunade’s countenance had been barely held in check, and there was a conspicuous hole in the desk, fist-sized, that was currently hidden under a pile of paperwork. Jiraiya himself had been seething, and the two elders had indulged in more than one cup of sake before getting ready to face Naruto.
Tsunade had allowed Kakashi to start an investigation on the matter, of course, but wanted to be alerted before the copy-nin did anything to the culprit, once found. She’d called dibs.
The fact that Naruto hadn’t seemed bothered by the situation only served to remind them that he was his own person, and his reactions were different than their own. Yet, Tsunade was proud of him for that. He had built a shield against the cruelty from the village, and rather than lash out he was calm and collected. Still she would never let anything like that happen ever again.
Shizune was standing outside of the room, with the pretence of fixing the paperwork for the new D–rank mission, but actually listening on them, one ear pressed against the door.
None of the three occupants flinched or showed any surprise when a figure appeared out of nowhere, after having sent a pulse of his chakra as a warning. Hyoo took place on the right of Tsunade’s desk, keeping quiet.
Naruto inhaled deeply, knowing it was time to speak up now that all participants were in the room.
“Tsunade baa-chan…” he started, smirking as a twitch developed at the side of her eye, “Ero–sennin… I had some time to think… about what to do,” he nodded to Hyoo, who nodded back, acknowledging his words.
Tsunade and Jiraiya stood straighter, feeling the seriousness of the situation creep on them. he hadn’t used their official names, preferring to still use his nicknames for them, and they understood what he was trying to say.
“I really thought about it,” Naruto continued. “Training with you, Ero-sennin, would make me one of the happiest people alive, and you can’t understand how much it means to me that you actually want to train me,” Naruto flashed him his foxy smile. “I know you are one of the best teachers I could have, no matter if you spend half a day peeping in the onsen or if you do your ‘researches’ by spying on naked women–”
Jiraiya cleared his throat, not knowing if he was being praised or insulted, and Tsunade coughed threateningly at him.
“But… I can’t come with you. I… I don’t want to leave Konoha,” he fumbled with his words, trying to find a way to explain his decision. “Iruka-sensei once told me that the village is trying hard to get itself back together after Orochimaru and Sand attacked, and to gain back its status and strength in front of the other countries. Konoha now needs all the shinobi it has, and even though most of the civilians think the opposite, Konoha needs me, too,” he concluded, shrugging the feeling of embarrassment as the three adults stared hard at him.
As disappointing as it was to hear him say that, Jiraiya had known it would end like that. Even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it.
Because… because Naruto was different from him.
“I might not love all the people that live in Konoha,” Naruto coughed sheepishly. “But this is the place Sandaime died to protect. This is what Yondaime died for, too. This is the place where I was born, where my friends were born, where all of you now live –my precious people,” Naruto beamed at them. “The place you are all protecting right now. I want to become stronger, so that I can protect this place too, without boasting off a power I don’t have”.
He wanted to gain Konoha’s love, because the village had caught his heart the moment he had been old enough to think. He’d seen only one side of it, but he still couldn’t help it.
At first, he’d wanted to be Hokage simply to show the villagers that he existed, and that he didn’t deserve their hatred, but now… now he wanted to become Hokage to protect the village. And maybe…
Maybe it would matter, in the end.
He would become Hokage, not to be recognised but to devote himself to protect.
This was his decision.
This was his nindo.
“I want to stay,” he stated, facing both Tsunade and Jiraiya, and then he glanced over at Hyoo, still silent. “I want to see everything of Konoha, and for that reason, Ero-sennin, I cannot come with you”.
Jiraiya inhaled slowly, then exhaled equally slowly, and nodded.
Because deep down, after layers of bitterness and weariness, he felt the same.
Maybe he had never cared for Konoha like his teacher and student had, but he could understand why Naruto had decided to walk down that path, and he would be at his side all the while, and would do it proudly.
Naruto made the decision that Jiraiya had been too weak to make, and he would respect that.
“Tsunade obaa-chan, Ero-sennin, Hyoodoku-san… I want to be an ANBU”.
                                                                          …–…–…–…–…–…–…
Cepheus: there we go, another chapter is done.
Now, drop me a review, I know you want to… and you know I want you to :D
Also: fox in Japanese is ‘kitsune’, and where Naruto says it’s written with one ‘n’, not two, he refers to one of the writings on his wall, which reads ‘kitsunne’. Drunken person knows not how to spell.
Glossary:
Obaa-chan – actually it means ‘grannie’. Obaa–san/sama means grandmother, while the suffix –chan is used to add familiarity. Just like you see in anime and manga when young men refer to older ladies they meet on the street as ‘auntie’, and to older men as ‘uncle’. Think of GTO.
Ero-sennin – means perverted hermit. Sennin was used to indicate people who took their training (ascetically or other) in solitude and meditation. In this case, Jiraiya conduced his own training together with his summon toads. Thus, Toad Hermit. As for ero… well, we all know why he’s called that.
Sannin – means three people. In this case, it expresses the power Jiraiya, Orochimaru and Tsunade have, meaning they are the three above others.
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Colourless Vanity