Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Of Silver Linings and Blue Yonder	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 18517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or make any profit of it. Kishimoto owns it

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
Author's note: I managed to keep my updating schedule! Not sure whether you should get used to that LOL
On a serious note: while I managed to finish this chapter relatively easily, I'm a bit uncertain about it. I hope it isn't too bad!
Thanks to the following reviewers: Green-Extreme-Ninjetti13 and smint45
Warnings: Naruto's and Sasuke's pov; angst; set after chapter 18 and 19; talk about possible infertility
Dedicated to: Chi
I hope you'll like it!
Chapter 29
Crickets were chirping outside; the sound travelling through the cracked open window. A soft breeze carried warm wind inside, together with the strong scent of the roses growing right underneath the window. The sun was slowly setting, casting a red orange glow across the grass and the flowers.
If he concentrated, he could hear his mate talking downstairs with their family.
"Thanks for setting up the second bed," Sasuke said.
"Not a problem, un," Deidara retorted. "We're happy to help you."
"If you need anything, call us," Itachi advised and then the front door opened.
Naruto gazed down on the two beds in front of him. In the left his youngest son, Kenta, was sleeping; his small fingers half curled up. Next to him in the other bed, his twin sister, Kiseki, was yawning; her rose bud mouth smacking softly as she blinked dark blue eyes at him. She yawned again, her hands curling into fists and relaxing again, before her eyes slowly slipped shut and she joined her brother into the dream world.
In the room next to this one Kei was dozing off after having been told a bedtime story by Sasuke.
They were home. Finally.
It had been eleven days since Naruto had given birth – and shocking everyone, including himself, when it turned out that he had been carrying twins instead of one baby as they had initially assumed – but he had only been released from the hospital today. He had wanted to return home sooner, not at all liking the sterile scent coating the rooms and the corridors, but Kakashi had forced him to stay put, stating he needed to rest more after having gone through surgery.
His hand drifted downwards and clenched his shirt, bunching up the fabric. There was a bright red scar marring his stomach now, disrupting the once flawless tattoo. Kakashi had assured him that the scar would fade over time and wouldn't be too noticeable, but Naruto knew it was there. He saw it whenever he changed his clothes, whenever he took a bath, and felt the irritating ache when he moved too quickly. He still needed to rest some more, give the scar time to heal better, but he felt too restless now. He was finally back on his own two feet, back in his house, his home, and that already made him feel slightly better.
Still, he would have preferred it if there had been no scar.
Carefully, gingerly, he reached down and stroked a finger across Kiseki's cheek, before brushing Kenta's, feeling the smoothness of their skin against his fingertip. His heart clenched when he remembered that he could have lost them. If Fugaku hadn't helped him, if Kakashi hadn't been on time, he might have lost his babies before he even got a chance to hold them.
His breath hitched and he had to close his eyes, forcing himself to inhale and exhale slowly, fighting against the pressure on his chest.
When cerulean blue eyes opened again, they shone with renewed determination.
Yes, he might have lost them, but he hadn't. They were alive and healthy, despite being born a few weeks early, and they were here now, with him in his home.
They were safe.
"They're asleep?" Sasuke stepped into the room; his dark eyes trained upon the two beds.
Naruto turned his head and smiled at his mate; his fingers still clenched around the bars of the beds. Because they hadn't expected twins, they hadn't had all the necessary equipment, like a second bed and a second car seat.
Bless Deidara and Itachi, because they had gone out to the stores and bought the extra equipment, going as far as setting it up at the house. Their help ensured that Naruto had felt slightly less stressed at bringing the twins home.
"Yeah, Kiseki just fell asleep," the Omega whispered. He studied the faint smudges underneath Sasuke's eyes, the exhaustion lingering in those black orbs. The past eleven days hadn't been easy on the Alpha either; his protective instincts had nearly gone haywire and he had growled at more than one nurse who had come to check up on Naruto and their babies. After a few days, the staff had grown wise enough to only send Kakashi and Tsunade inside the room, lest they'd be subjected to a fierce glare and the threatening aura of a protective Alpha.
Being back in his own home caused the older man to be more relaxed, but Naruto hadn't missed the tension in his husband's body, the way his eyes flashed with a sort of pain that didn't only come from nearly losing his mate and children.
He hadn't noticed anything amiss the first few days, too doped up on painkillers and the euphoria coursing through his body as he bonded with his baby boy and baby girl. But slowly, as the painkillers in his system were reduced and he became more coherent, his mind clearer, he started to realise that something was wrong with Sasuke. It was in the way his fingers had been clenched around Naruto's own, nearing the edge of being painful. The manner in which he kept his eyes trained on the Omega and the way his eyes flashed up curiously at times as if he was remembering something unpleasantly.
Perhaps he was remembering all the ways it could have gone wrong; the man had foolishly thought Naruto's state had been his fault because he hadn't noticed the second baby hiding behind the first one. While he perhaps was indeed torturing himself like that – and Naruto would set him straight about that as soon as he could – there was something else bothering the dark haired man. Something which filled him with something akin to grief whenever he glanced at Naruto's stomach.
The heavy glances certainly didn't make Naruto feel better about the scar, even when he knew Sasuke didn't care about that. That had been one of the first things he had reassured the blond man of when he noticed him staring wide eyed at the reddish scar.
The hospital hadn't been the best place to interrogate his mate, though. Not with the nurses rushing back and forth in the corridor, with the visitors piling in and out of the room, and Kakashi or Tsunade showing up frequently to check up on him and change his bandages.
But now they had time and Naruto wasn't planning on keeping quiet for any longer.
"How are you feeling?" Sasuke asked softly, his arms gently winding themselves around Naruto's waist.
"I'm fine," Naruto murmured, squeezing Sasuke's arms reassuringly. "I need to lay down for a bit, though," he admitted begrudgingly.
Sasuke nodded and practically whisked him out of the room, hand resting on Naruto's hip, as he guided the younger man to their bedroom.
The sight of their comfortable bed on its own was already enough to make Naruto heave a sigh of relief and he sank down on the mattress carefully, his hands brushing against cool sheets.
"Do you need anything? A drink? Something to eat?" Sasuke questioned, fussing, and halted in front of the bed.
Naruto looked up and smiled, patting a spot next to him. "I want you to sit down with me," he replied simply.
The Alpha cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, but nodded and sat down next to the blond, automatically reaching out to grab his hand.
"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Naruto asked, not beating around the bush. The fingers around his own tightened in surprise.
"Nothing's wrong," Sasuke automatically denied.
"That might have worked if I didn't know you so well," Naruto retorted dryly and bit his lip. "Look, Sasuke, I can see something is bothering you. You've been acting strange ever since I woke up and I really like to know what's wrong."
Sasuke clenched his jaw and looked away, but not before Naruto noticed his eyes darkening. Silence reigned between them.
"I don't want to force you to talk about it," Naruto murmured, breaking the silence tentatively. "But I know you'll just keep brooding about whatever's on your mind and it's only going to get worse then."
Sasuke's hand rose up and rubbed his forehead and the lines of exhaustion etched around his eyes deepened when he turned his head and looked at the Omega. "It's … something I should have told you about sooner, but – it never felt like the right time," he started carefully, clearly choosing his words.
Naruto's stomach cramped and he tried to smile, but his lips merely twitched and he swallowed. "That bad?" he inquired and the fingers of his free hand buried themselves into the sheets.
He knew Sasuke wasn't going to break up with him, not when he knew how much he loved him, but that didn't lessen the anxiety at all. What was so bad that Sasuke had thought he needed the right time to talk about it?
"It's something Kakashi told me about before you woke up," Sasuke said softly and a distant sheen covered his eyes.
"Woke up when exactly?"
"Right after the surgery."
"So … what did Kakashi-sensei say?" Naruto questioned apprehensively. His mind went quickly through all the interactions he had had with the older Alpha. Nothing had seemed amiss. The man had informed him that surgery had been necessary because he had been losing too much blood, but he would get better soon. After a few days the doctor had even started to joke around again, riling up Sasuke even more.
Nothing had seemed really amiss.
Then again, Naruto reminded himself, he didn't know Kakashi that well.
"It … after the surgery, he …" Sasuke trailed off and shook his head; pain flashing across his features. "He told me that – that the chance of you becoming pregnant again … Naruto, there's a," his breath hitched, "a big possibility that you won't be able to have another child."
It felt like someone had sucker punched him in his gut. Naruto gasped, all his breath escaping him in a painful 'whoosh' and he stared at Sasuke disbelievingly, shaking his head.
"That's – are you sure? He could be mistaken, right? I mean, everyone makes mistakes," he chuckled, but the sound was so shrill that he winced and clamped his mouth shut.
"Naruto …" Sasuke reached out to cup his cheek, but Naruto shot up and took a few steps away from the bed, his emotions so tied up, so entangled with each other, that he couldn't even start figuring out which emotions were filling him up to the brim.
Disbelief. Sorrow. Pain. Anger. Panic.
They all swirled together, like water rushing through a drain, and his breathing quickened and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold himself together.
"So I – I can't get pregnant anymore?" he asked in a small voice, staring desperately at his mate. "I – I – I can't have another baby?" His voice broke and a lump blocked his throat; tears burning behind his eyes.
Sasuke shook his head; his own pain clearly radiating through his eyes. "Kakashi said that – something had gone wrong when you were pushing for the second time and while he managed to fix it, he thinks that – that you won't get pregnant anymore. Said we shouldn't hold out much hope. There's still a chance, but it's so small that …" He stopped talking, but he didn't need to finish his sentence.
The chance was so small that it was probably negligible.
Something in Naruto broke and he bit down harshly on his lower lip; the stinging pain only briefly distracting him from the heavy pressure in his chest.
He wouldn't be able to get pregnant anymore. There would be no more children for him.
Nails dug down in his arms and hot tears wiggled down his cheeks as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that he was probably barren now.
Infertile.
The word echoed mockingly in his mind and he closed his eyes, a choked sob escaping him. Instantly there were strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him against a firm chest radiating heat.
"It'll be okay," Sasuke whispered, stroking his hair, but his voice wavered and his body trembled and Naruto knew without looking up that the older man was crying as well.
Crying for what they had lost.
Naruto pressed his face into Sasuke's shoulder and let his tears fall, his sobs wrecking his body, as he released his pain and sorrow through them.
He knew he should be happy that he was still alive. Should be relieved that Kiseki and Kenta had survived, despite the odds being against them. He had three healthy children and he was married to the love of his life – he should be happy.
He and Sasuke had never discussed how many children they actually wanted. Kei had been an accident – a very welcome one, but an accident nonetheless. Kenta had been planned, but Kiseki had been a complete surprise as well. As far as Naruto knew there weren't any twins in his family, nor in Sasuke's. So yes, Kiseki had been completely unexpected, but nevertheless he was happy with her.
He had two sons and a daughter. Three beautiful, healthy children. That should be enough, right? Three children – that was better than none, surely?
Life had given him the chance to have three healthy children, when once he had despaired he would have none. He should be happy now.
And yet the hole in his chest continued to ache as he cried about his loss.
"How's he holding up?" Itachi asked; concern weaved through his voice.
Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair, leaning back against his pillow. Naruto was taking a shower at the moment, taking a moment's reprieve from taking care of new born twins and a three year old.
"I – don't know," he admitted begrudgingly. "He – hasn't talked about it since I told him."
There was a short pause. "How are you holding up?" his older brother questioned softly.
The younger Alpha released a huff that might have been a chuckle if he was actually amused. Instead bitterness filled him. "I'm – I don't know, nii-san," he admitted and sat up again, staring down at the wrinkled sheets. "Naruto and I – we never talked about how many children we wanted, you know? We felt ready for a second baby, so we went for it and now we have twins. I'm happy I have them, but … It hurts that we'll probably never can decide on our own whether we wanted more than three children."
If it had been anyone else than his brother, he would never admitted that aloud. It was too personal, too intimate. But because it was his older brother, he was able to confess, to tell him how hurt he was at having their choice snatched away from them.
Yes, Kakashi had said there was still a chance Naruto could get pregnant and though the man could act like a right arsehole, he wouldn't lie. But the chance of actually succeeding was small and Sasuke knew that had been Kakashi's way of telling him it was better to give up, to accept the fact that they might never have more than three children.
Three children was enough, right? They were healthy, happy – it was all Sasuke could ever have wished for. Three was better than none after all.
Yet he still hurt.
"I'm sorry, Otouto," Itachi said quietly. "I'm here for you. You can talk to me any time you want."
"I know," Sasuke choked out and pressed a hand against his right eye, gritting his teeth at the sensation of hot tears pricking his eyes.
"Sasuke?"
He looked up sharply when his mate's voice travelled towards him and saw the man hovering in the doorway, clad in nothing but a tank top and loose shorts. The clinging summer heat made it too uncomfortable to wear anything longer. Blue eyes glowed luminously when they met his own dark ones.
"Sorry, Itachi, I have to go," Sasuke muttered, taking a deep breath.
"Of course," Itachi murmured. "We'll talk soon, Otouto."
Then the line died and he placed his phone on the nightstand.
"Enjoyed your shower?" Sasuke asked, forcing himself to sound more light-hearted. "Kiseki and Kenta are still sleeping."
"I know, I just checked in on them," Naruto murmured and approached the bed. He hesitated before shaking his head and sinking down on Sasuke's side; his arse touching Sasuke's right thigh.
Absurdly Sasuke took notice of the couple of droplets dripping down bright golden strands of hair, getting absorbed by the thin cloth of the dark green tank top.
"I'm sorry," the Omega suddenly said.
The dark haired man started. "What for?"
"I should have talked to you about it, but I – I couldn't," Naruto whispered, wringing his hands together between his splayed knees. "I'm sorry for shutting you out. That wasn't fair of me. Can you forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," Sasuke murmured and shuffled further down the bed until he could sit behind Naruto, swinging his legs on either side of tanned legs. He linked his arms around Naruto's waist and pressed his forehead against Naruto's right shoulder. "I know it isn't easy to talk about it."
"Still, that's not an excuse." Naruto's voice wavered, but his hands were steady as they gripped Sasuke's wrists. "I – I hate it that we might never have another baby again. I'm angry that that choice was taken from us."
"There's still a small chance," Sasuke interjected, but he didn't believe in it and they both knew it.
A harsh snort left the blond man. "A small chance, yeah, but even I'm not optimistic enough to pin my hopes on that," he said and swallowed audibly. "It's – I hate this, Sasuke. I wish things were different. Maybe we would have never decided to have a fourth child, but now we'll never know and that hurts." His voice cracked at the end and Sasuke tightened his grip, feeling Naruto tremble in his embrace.
Or was he the one trembling? He didn't know.
He lifted his head when he sensed Naruto turning his head around and he looked at fierce glittering eyes and his breath hitched at the fire burning in them.
"We'll never know and that fucking hurts, but I'm not going to let this tear us apart," Naruto said, voice strong once more. "We – we can't let this take us down. We have three beautiful children, Sasuke. We still have them. We made them and nothing can take that away from us. We still have each other."
Some tears escaped, leaving a silvery, shining trail behind on flushed cheeks. Hands curled tighter around his wrists.
"We still have each other," Naruto repeated, choked.
Sasuke closed his eyes briefly, but when they opened again, they shone brighter than before as a hidden strength unravelled in him.
"We have each other," he agreed, echoing his mate and he was rewarded by a trembling, but pure smile.
A smile he had thought he would never see again after being forced to tell the devastating news.
"We're strong," he whispered and their lips met in a salty kiss; their hands desperately clutching at each other.
It still hurt. The loss of a potential fourth child would never be forgotten, would leave a mark behind.
But they couldn't let this drag them down. They still had each other; they still had three children who they loved and who loved them in return.
They were a family.
That was what really mattered.
They would get through this, he was certain of that.
They just needed time to heal.
AN2: Chi, I hope I didn't screw up your request! This chapter was both easy and difficult to write at the same time - a strange sensation, I can assure you. The chapter itself was finished rather quickly, but I've changed some scenes quite a few times and I hope the end result isn't too bad!
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
See you all in the next chapter!
Cuddles
Melissa
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Of Silver Linings and Blue Yonder