Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Firsts
By : djserani
Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male
Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!
Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
REMINDER:This story takes place in Darkprism's Monoshizukanohi Universe. Though the appearances of Monoshizukanohi locations in this series of stories is minor, it does exist and that world belongs to her. She graciously allows me to play.

SECONDLY: Though it can be read WITHOUT reading "Changes," it is highly recommended that you read "Changes" before you read this. That said, it is *also* recommended that you read Darkprism's "Altering Affection," "Undercurrents" and at *least* part IV of "Rhythm & Bruise." "Changes runs chronologically concurrently with "Rhythm & Bruise."

Thirdly, in the following stories, I will be outlining individual warnings for each story/chapter.

Real warnings for this chapter: Angst. Lots and lots of angst. That's... all.

* * *

Kenji held his hand out and shook the one offered to him. "I'm sure, Sir. Thank you very much."

"Well, if I can't convince you..." Colonel Parker said, sighing. "But you'd make one hell of a sniper."

"I've been in ten years, Sir. It's time for me to go home," Kenji said, keeping the "it's past time" to himself and Parker nodded.

"I guess I can understand that. You got someone at home, son?"

Kenji swallowed and nodded. "Yes, Sir." He prayed silently that the colonel wouldn't ask a name.

The colonel smiled. "Well, then I can see why you'd be anxious to go. They're lucky," he said and Kenji's eyes widened minutely at the pronoun choice. "I'll just say this: until the paperwork is final, I'll keep the option open, okay?"

Kenji sighed. "I won't change my mind, Sir, but thank you."

The colonel gave a half smile. "You're welcome. Good luck, son."

"Thank you, Sir," Kenji said, standing up. The colonel offered his hand one more time and Kenji shook it, then held his fingertips to his forehead in a salute. The colonel returned it then Kenji turned on his heel and left the office.

Once outside, he took a deep breath and pulled the picture out of his pocket. It was a bit sun-faded, old and wrinkled from too much handling, the edges worn. But he'd held on to it all these years and he wasn't about to part with it now. With any luck, he wouldn't need one like this any longer. With another deep breath, he grinned down at the two faces looking up at him, then tucked the picture back into his pocket and hurried toward the Hummer waiting for him.

* * *

Izumo swerved sharply and hit the brakes hard, fishtailing before he finally came to a stop. His heart pounded in his chest and his throat was dry. "Dammit. I need to pay more attention," he grumbled to himself and tried to take a deep breath. His chest wasn't quite ready to loosen enough yet, but Izumo forced one as deep as he could. The horns sounding at him got louder and he waved a hand vaguely behind him, threw the car into first gear and hit the gas again.

He took a deep breath, made a quick right to get off the main road and breathed a tiny bit easier at the nearly-empty street. He forced his grip on the steering wheel to loosen as he shifted into second.

One of the problems was that he was having trouble seeing. He needed to pull over and take out his contacts, he was sure that they were the cause. That's what he told himself. He refused to admit he wanted to cry.

The other problem was that he couldn't stop seeing a particular face in front of him instead of the road. Going driving was probably a bad idea, but Izumo couldn't think of what else to do. Sitting in the apartment with Kotetsu hadn't been possible, not after the comment his friend dropped that morning.

Two days earlier.

"Kenji!" Izumo couldn't help but smile widely, though he gripped the doorknob tightly. Kenji stood on the other side of the threshold in jeans and an army t-shirt, his hair longer than ever, pulled back and tied into a tail. The hazel eyes were focused on him and full of more than Izumo wanted to admit he could see.

"Hi, Zumo," Kenji said, voice shaking slightly. Izumo swallowed and gripped the doorknob even tighter at the evidence of Kenji's nervousness. Kenji's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, then he held out a teddy bear. "Uh, this is for you."

Izumo peeled his hand off of the doorknob and took the bear. It was light brown with a green bow, pink on the inside of the ears, a tiny pink tongue sticking out and a white belly. "Thank you," he managed and looked back up to his former boyfriend. "Do... you want to come in?" He asked, stepping back. His heart pounded and he fought hard against the urge to touch, to hold... to throw himself into Kenji's arms.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Kenji said and stepped through the door when Izumo waved a hand. Izumo closed the door and led the way down the short entrance hall and into the living room. It was crowded, full of technology and the like. His and Kotetsu's desks took up one full wall, their computers and personal servers crowding the L-shaped surfaces. The LCD TV they'd bought the year before covered most of another wall, a long entertainment bench stretched under it with the Xbox, PS3 and Wii, along with the various games and DVDs. In the center was the couch that needed to be replaced and a coffee table in front of it. "You and... Tetsu live here?" Kenji asked and Izumo did his damnedest to ignore the disappointment in the voice.

"Yeah, we moved in here last year. Had another place before it - which was the first one we got after moving out of Mom's, but it got too small." He paused, fingers picking at the bear's ear. Kenji just watched him, hazel eyes moving over his face and Izumo fidgeted. "Um... drink?" He asked for something to say. "We've got, uh, soda, coffee and beer," Izumo offered.

"Um, coffee'd be great," Kenji said and Izumo nodded.

"Uh, have a seat. I'll be right back." With that, he escaped into the kitchen without waiting to see if Kenji took the offered seat and stood for a long minute, staring at the bear in his hands. He hugged it to himself a moment and buried his face in the top of its head. When he inhaled, he found Kenji's cologne and despite himself, a tear escaped. He couldn't do this again, could not get involved with this man again, only to watch him leave - again. Because he would, Izumo was sure of it.

He always did.

Ten years. They'd done this for ten years, back and forth and Izumo didn't know if he could take it one more time. They'd made it the first time for three years, but when Kenji re-upped, they�d decided to "take a break." Izumo wondered if Kenji had found someone on the base, but he didn't have the balls to ask and so just agreed to the break. After he'd hung up, he'd gotten roaring drunk and it was only by the grace of Kotetsu that he'd gotten home in one piece.

Since then, every time Kenji had come home, Izumo hadn't been able to resist the smile or the hazel eyes. He'd found himself in Kenji's arms and Kenji's bed with little more than a crooked grin and an "I love you." He'd broken up with more than one boyfriend over Kenji.

He wasn't dating anyone right now. No, that, at least, wasn't an issue. He hadn't been seeing anyone seriously in a while and it wasn't until recently - just a few days ago, in fact, that he understood why.

He and Kotetsu never stopped being fuck buddies between boyfriends. Kotetsu swore he never really had a steady boyfriend, but was always up to fuck and so if Izumo expressed even the slightest frustration, Kotetsu was right there, happy to relieve it. And one such time, they'd passed out right after. Izumo woke the next morning to Kotetsu's arms around him and it had hit him with the force of a freight train why none of his other "steady" boyfriends - save Kenji - had caught his heart.

He realized, then and there, that he was in love with his best friend.

He had no idea when it happened, except maybe somewhere in between the times with Kenji. Maybe longer than that and that was one of the reasons he let Kenji go. He didn't know, had spent the last three days trying to figure it out, but he still hadn't come to any kind of understanding.

He took a deep breath, worked to force the tears back and set the bear on the counter next to the coffee maker. He brushed his fingers over its head and turned, yanking the carafe out. He focused on filling it with water, taking out the grounds, fighting with the filter and so didn't notice when he was no longer alone. His hand shook as he tried to measure out the coffee, but gave up, slamming the can onto the counter and gripping the edge hard.

"I'm sorry, baby," Kenji whispered and Izumo found himself enveloped in familiar arms - arms he'd never managed to get over needing. Izumo turned in them and buried his face in the grey t-shirt.

He wanted to ask, "Why now?" Wanted to demand a million things, a million promises, but he couldn't form words, couldn't find the coherency to do it. The words stayed locked in his throat and despite himself, he found his face turning up, lips seeking the ones that were oh-so-familiar.

And then they were there, Kenji's lips covering his and Izumo made a small sound in the back of his throat, his arms coming around Kenji, hands gripping the back of the t-shirt. The lips moved on his and his tongue reached out, needing the taste, the feel of this man that he never seemed to be able to let go of. When Kenji's tongue met his, slid along it and danced, the tears Izumo had worked so hard to hold back fell.

He didn't know what to do, how to handle this. He knew he was setting himself up for more heartbreak, knew it was just a matter of time. Sometimes days, maybe a few weeks, but that's all he'd get. There would be letters and phone calls, then somewhere along the line another "it's not fair to you, you should have someone close by, let's take a break" conversation that would shatter him again.

Leaving Kotetsu to pick up the pieces and try to glue him back together. Again.

He couldn't do it, couldn't take this again. "No," Izumo managed, pulling back. "I... can't. I can't do this again, Kenji, I can't go through this again." He shook his head, fighting hard against more tears.

He stepped back, wiping the back of his hand over his lips then eyes. Kenji held a hand up, "Wait, it's... it's not like that."

But Izumo wasn't going to listen. Not to new promises, new assurances that it was just one more. He shook his head. "No. Don't," he said, cutting Kenji off. "I can't hear this again, don't you understand? I can't go through it another time!" He kept shaking his head, unable to do anything more. "How long this time? How long before you decide you don't want me anymore, Kenji?"

Kenji's mouth dropped open and he shook his own head. "Zumo? Is that what you thought?"

"What else was I supposed to think?" Izumo asked. His chin wobbled and he steadied it, gritting his teeth. He forced a breath, then another and shook his head again. "Nothing I said mattered! I told you I didn't care! I told you I'd wait, but it wasn't enough, wasn't good enough. The pictures, the gifts, the letters, tapes... videos. I sent everything I could think of! I did everything I possibly could! But you still didn't want me." He swallowed the sound that wanted out, a sound he refused to acknowledge was a sob. "What's wrong with me?"

Kenji shook his head and took a step forward, "Oh, God, baby, I didn't know... I had no idea that's what you thought!" He reached out, but Izumo shook his head and stepped out of reach. "Please, I... I didn't want to tie you down to someone you couldn't have!"

"You could have left the army," Izumo said, softly.

Kenji stopped and dropped his hand to his side. He swallowed and nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor. "Yeah."

Izumo fought with the urge to wrap the man in his arms. "Why?"

"I... I don't know. I kept thinking that I could save more, maybe... give you a good life..." He shook his head.

Izumo stared at him, shaking his head again. "I wouldn't have cared about that. All I wanted was you!"

Kenji flinched at the shout. "Wanted?"

Izumo swallowed, tried desperately to take in a deep enough breath, but gave up. "I... Kenji, I.." He closed his eyes and just let the tears fall. "How long before I get a call from your mother, Kenji? How many times are you going to tempt fate? God! Do you want to die? Is that it?"

Kenji dropped his eyes and stared at the floor, kicking at nothing. "Of course not."

"Isn't it bad enough I've lost one love to death?" Izumo asked. He was being unfair and he knew it, but he had to stop it, had to keep himself from falling again. From giving in.

"That's not fair."

Izumo swiped at the tears on his face. "And leaving me here is? Leaving me behind - telling me you love me, then not wanting me is?!" He shouted. "Don't! Just don't! I don't want any more of your broken promises, no more of your bullshit! Go! Go back to the army that means more to you than I do. Go back to whoever it is you found to fuck when I wasn't good enough anymore."

Kenji flinched again and shook his head. "Maybe I will, if that's how you feel. Maybe you never loved me, like you said you did."

Izumo's eyebrows shot up. "I never broke up with you! I waited for you! Turned down other people for you! Broke up with other people for you!"

Kenji dropped his eyes. "I'm sorry. You're right. Look, I'm home now. Can't we... try again? Or... start over? Or something?"

Izumo bit his lip hard, fighting the plea he saw in Kenji's eyes. He noted that there was no mention of how long and Izumo, suddenly very tired, shook his head. "Not this time, Kenji. I'm done. I can't go through it again."

Izumo watched Kenji's jaw tighten, watched him swallow and the chest rise and fall rapidly. He fought to keep from giving in, desperate to not let it get to him. "If that's how you feel..." Kenji said on a whisper.

"Yeah, that's how I feel." Izumo managed, the hardest words he'd ever forced out in his life.

"I'm sorry," Kenji said. He stepped up and, not giving Izumo a chance to retreat, had his arms around Izumo and their lips fused. Izumo's eyes widened, then slid closed and he couldn't stop himself from returning the kiss. He felt the tangle of emotion coming from Kenji, the need, the want and he fought it with everything in him.

When they broke apart, Kenji paused, lips to Izumo's temple. "I would have married you," he whispered, then stepped back. "I'm sorry," he said again and turned on his heel.
Izumo stood, frozen to the spot, staring at the place Kenji had just been. It wasn't until he heard the door open that he managed to move. What was he doing? He took off at a dead run, was down the hall and out the door as Kenji reached the car. "Kenji!" Izumo shouted. He held the wrought-iron railing in a death grip, eyes glued to this man - this man that, despite his feelings for his best friend, he realized he still loved. "Please... I'm sorry, don't go."
But Kenji shook his head. "No, you're not," Kenji said. "But that's okay. Go to Tetsu. He's better for you, anyway." Kenji paused and they simply stared at each other for a long moment. "Have a good life, Izumo."
"No, Kenji!" Izumo shouted, "Don't! I'm sorry, please... please..." he was begging and he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself, couldn't care. Kenji either didn't hear him or ignored him. Because a moment later, he was in the car and it was pulling away from the curb.
Izumo slid down the banister and sat hard on the concrete landing. He gave in, then, and let them fall, dropping is forehead onto his knees. "I'm a fool," he whispered to himself, hugging his legs. "A goddamned fool."
- 28
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Firsts	By : djserani Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1305 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this!

Firsts