The Canalized River | By : susanna Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 944 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
A/N:
answers to reviews at the end
of the chapter
Chapter
Twenty-Eight: What comes first
When
Sasuke woke up the first thing he noticed was Naruto sitting next to
him, his hand lying on his shoulder. So Naruto was alive, more or
less healthy, and safe, at least for the moment. Sasuke had no idea
where they were – the room with its bare concrete walls was
completely unfamiliar to him – nor had he any idea how they had
got there. The worst possibility was that they had both fallen into
the hands of Akatsuki, but even then he still had Naruto with him, so
that he could protect him if necessary.
He
was too exhausted to be really frightened. He would worry when it was
time; now he only wanted to sleep.
Naruto
was not looking at him, as Sasuke had expected. Curiously he followed
Naruto's eyes, saw his teammates and was awake immediately. He sat up
so that he could have a better look, and then tell them off, but he
ended up watching, no more able to turn away than Naruto. He was
fifteen after all, just as his friend.
During
the last few years he had convinced himself that he was not
interested in what he called “these things”. He had
focused on training and on getting stronger and had not allowed any
thoughts of sexuality or love to distract him, just as little as any
thoughts of friendship, although - he had thought of Naruto when he
had been falling asleep in his room after a day of training with
Orochimaru. Mostly he had thought of the moment when he had decided
not to kill him, and he had known that these thoughts were not an
unnecessary distraction but kept him sane – they kept him from
becoming like Itachi, or like Orochimaru. Yet he had neither looked
for new friends at Orochimaru's lair, nor for love, nor for sex.
He
had convinced himself that he was not interested in these things, not
only because of his revenge, but also because sex in itself held no
interest for him. Even when he had been twelve he had not been
interested in the pictures of naked full-breasted women the other
boys found under their older brothers' or even their fathers' beds.
He had taken part in the usual games of looking and saying “ah”
and “oh” and even choosing one he declared to be the most
beautiful, even though to him they all looked the same, just in order
to show that he was as cool and naughty and manly as any of the other
boys. However, as he was widely acknowledged to be the best fighter,
it had not been necessary for him to engage too much in these games
in order to gain recognition, and so he had avoided them when he
could. Also he had had the impression that the other boys' principal
motive had been showing off as well, only sometimes, when one of them
was looking at the magazines ion his own, he had caught a glimpse of
some real fascination with these women's bodies, which he could not
relate to at all.
He
had also taken part in the usual discussions about which of the girls
in their class was the prettiest, or the nicest, or the coolest, or
the sexiest. He had had no preferences, as a lot of the other boys
had, but had found all the girls equally useless and annoying, and
their attempts to embrace him were really getting on his nerves, so
he just took care to divide his compliments evenly among them so that
none of them might feel encouraged.
He
was not interested in “these” things. His aim was to get
stronger and to defeat Itachi, and he could not allow himself to be
distracted.
Still
he could not help being touched by the mute communication of looks
and kisses and gentle touching that went on between Karin and
Suigetsu, even though they were still almost completely dressed.
Kissing and caressing and looking...
Sasuke
was well aware of Naruto's arm that had fallen around his shoulders
when he had sat up. He did not mind it – in fact, though he
would never have admitted it, he was glad that Naruto had kept up the
physical contact. He would have felt cold and lonely if he had had to
watch Karin and Suigetsu without it, but as it was, he could watch
and enjoy.
They
were getting more courageous now, their kisses less tentative, more
intense, Karin's lips moved to Suigetsu's ear, then down along his
neck, to his shoulder. Sasuke was not aware of it, but he was
identifying with Karin while he watched, not feeling soft female lips
on his shoulders but strong masculine muscles beneath his lips.
Karin
was tucking at Suigetsu's shirt, kissing the skin that was just
covered by it, pushing down the neckline. She looked up at Suigetsu,
and Sasuke just hoped that Suigetsu would understand... He had seen
Suigetsu half or fully naked more than once, as his companion had
never been shy around him, even though he had been teasing him about
being gay for quite some time now, knowing the truth much earlier
than Sasuke himself.
It
was not easy to admit the truth, even to himself. Several times he
had accidentally walked into Kabuto and Orochimaru and what he had
seen had been disgusting. He knew rationally that using another
person for sex or using sex to manipulate another person had nothing
to do with being gay or straight, or male or female for that matter,
and that there was no way he would do “it” the way
Orochimaru did it, and still it was difficult to admit that in
principle he longed for the same thing as Orochimaru.
He
felt scared, as if he was stepping on a light flat rowing-boat on a
fast-flowing stream – and still he knew that it was better than
remaining on the shore for all his life.
Finally
Suigetsu took his shirt off. Unfortunately Naruto chose this very
moment to speak.
“Are
they really your team?”
“Yeah,
why shouldn't they?”
“I
mean, I thought I knew you a bit – I thought that they would
drive you crazy.”
“They
haven't done that before. At least not when I was watching. When I
was watching I had a hard time to keep them from killing each other.”
Why
was he saying that? And to Naruto among all the people in the world?
“How
did it happen anyway?”
“I
don't know. One minute he was persuading her from having a look at
his wounds, the next minute they were kissing.”
Karin
and Suigetsu became aware that they were being watched. Suigetsu
wrapped his cloak around Karin's shoulders, then they got up and went
over to the boys.
“We
are sorry”, Karin said. “We did not mean to...”
“Never
mind”, Naruto said.
Sasuke
felt annoyed and jealous that Naruto had answered before he had. He
was still their captain, after all, and Karin's words had been
addressed at him.
“It's
okay”, he said. “Now, what has happened since I passed
out?”
“Do
you really want to know in detail?” Suigetsu asked back.
Sasuke
shook his head in annoyance. “Only the important points.”
“We
got caught by the Akatsuki who had been on Naruto's trail”,
Karin answered, more seriously than Suigetsu. “The man and the
woman, you know, those who fought him when he had taken the demon's
form. Otherwise we would have come to support you.”
“I
remember. I heard you welcome them. How did it go? Did you defeat
them?”
“We
did.”
“How
are you? Did you get hurt?” He looked at the two of them and
knew the truth. “How is Juugo? He is still alive, is he?”
“He
ended up with the strongest opponent”, Karin told him. “The
man who had been pursuing Naruto. We had not planned that, it just
happened. He turned into the second stage form of his cursed seal,
and his opponent, though he was strong and knew a lot of jutsus,
could not stand up against the sheer amount of the energy of his
chakra. Juugo killed him, returned to his original form, and
collapsed.”
“Is
he dead” Sasuke asked, now really scared. “Don't wait
with the most important information until the end.”
She
shook her head, and he was relieved.
“Juugo
is alive, but I don't know whether he will make it. I have managed to
stabilize him, but his chakra has dropped to a critical level, and
what's worst, the flow between the head and the rest of his body has
almost stopped. He won't regain consciousness unless we can make it
flow again.”
“Come
to the point: Can you do it?”
“I
have tried everything. I have even considered asking your friend to
give him some of his chakra, as he has a lot of it.”
Sasuke
looked at Naruto whose presence he had nearly forgotten, even though
he was sitting next to him, his arm still around Sasuke's shoulder.
“Yet
this would not have resolved the main problem, which is the low
exchange of chakra between his head and the rest of the body. It is
as if the head was repelling the chakra. Infusing a large amount
either to the head or to the body would make it only worse. We must
be content that at the moment he is stable at a low level, and hope
that we find a solution before things get worse.”
Having
calmed down Juugo repeatedly when he was changing into his Cursed
Seal form Sasuke had some idea what was going on.
“I
can have a look”, he said. “I might know how to unblock
the chakra channels and make his head accept chakra again.”
“Give
him some rest”, Karin replied. “He will need it before we
try anything.”
“Alert
me as soon as you sense any change.”
“I
will.”
“So
what about the two of you? Did you get hurt?”
“Karin
has got some minor wounds”, Suigetsu answered. “She
fought the female Akatsuki member and defeated her. I have seen to
her wounds – she'll be fine soon.”
“And
you yourself?”
“I
am not wounded at all.”
“How's
that?”
“I
did not fight. I talked Kisame out of fighting.”
Sasuke
gasped. “You – you do have some unexpected talents.”
“Everybody's
underestimating me”, Suigetsu complained in a mock whine. “Even
Karin would not have believed that I might be a better lover than
some fifteen-year-old boys.”
“I
have never competed with you over Karin”, Sasuke said
irritatedly. “Anyway, how did you manage to talk Kisame out of
fighting? And why? I thought you could not wait to fight him and gain
his sword.”
“Ah,
now it's my turn to be surprised. Hasn't it been you who kept telling
us not to kill?”
“But
I mean – Kisame.”
“I
told him that Itachi has betrayed him and that he was only cannon
fodder for the bigheads of Akatsuki.”
It's
probably true, Sasuke thought. If Itachi dreams of a world where the
Uchihas, that is, where Uchiha Itachi rules, with me carrying out his
orders, then there is no place for Kisame in it.
“You
did well”, he said and turned to Naruto. “How are you? I
am sorry that I broke down. I hope you did not get wounded.”
Naruto
stared at him in confusion. “You don't have to apologize for
getting wounded while you fight for me”, he said.
“Did
they hurt you in any way?”
“No.
They fled after I got them with my jutsu. I am not sure whether
Itachi is still alive. Look, I am sorry about it...”
Astonishingly
the idea that Itachi might be dead, killed not by him but by Naruto,
did not make him angry, but just left him feeling weirdly empty.
Anyway, there were some more important questions at the moment. “You
still haven't told me whether you are hurt.”
He
thought that he was expressing his concern, and showing his
responsibility as his team's captain, who has to care for everyone,
but to his surprise Naruto only looked hurt and did not answer.
“You
dislocated his shoulder, but Karin put it back into place”,
Suigetsu answered in Naruto's stead.
“I
– I dislocated your shoulder?” Sasuke remembered dimly
that he had been dragging at Naruto's arm. “Listen, I am sorry,
it was not my intention. I just wanted to make sure that you were
keeping to my side.”
“As
if you had ever been in need to make sure of that”, Naruto
replied. “But never mind, it's almost healed by now. You know,
the kyuubi's chakra is healing my wounds. But look, about your
brother, I am really sorry. I did not mean to kill him.”
“We
had to get out”, Sasuke answered.
“Naruto,
wait a bit”, Karin intervened. “Sasuke has learnt it,
though it took him some time, and I am sure that you will learn it as
well. We are more important than Itachi. Seeing that we are all safe
comes first.”
“I
have always cared for your safety”, Sasuke protested.
“But
not for your own”, Suigetsu replied. “And we damn well
need you against these genjutsu thingies.”
“How
are you feeling?” Karin asked him. “And anyway, what
happened?”
“It's
okay. I feel a bit dizzy, and exhausted.”
Already
there was Karin's hand, hovering over his body and checking the
chakra flow. He still hated her being so close to his body, but he
could not rationally protest against it.
“Indeed,
you are recovering”, she said. “Some sleep, and some food
and drink and you should be fine soon. You should thank your friend.
He gave you some of his chakra.”
“It's
okay”, Naruto said. “I have a lot of it, you know. But
the other guy, the raven, I mean, he's a man actually and can change
his form into that of a raven - ”
“I
guessed so”, Sasuke interrupted him. “No normal raven can
have the Mangekyou Sharingan.”
“You
got caught again by that damn thing?”
“Yes.
But it's okay now. We will think about it tomorrow.”
He
knew that the Mangekyou Sharingan was still the weak point of all his
plans to fight Itachi. The raven had used the worst memory of
Sasuke's life, the murder of his parents, just as Itachi had done
three years ago, and just as three years ago, Sasuke had broken down.
He tried to tell himself that he had not broken down completely, that
he had recovered much more easily, and, most importantly, that he had
not lost his mind, and still there was the fact that he had been
helpless against his brother's most lethal weapon.
He
tried not to think of it.
“What
happened to the Akatsuki?” he asked. “I understand that
Kisame is still alive.”
“He
is, and the woman is as well. She is wounded but I have looked after
her wounds and Kisame is watching over her. He will give us a sign
when he needs me. Only Juugo's opponent got killed.”
Juugo
killed him, Sasuke translated.
“Where
are they now?” he asked. “Have you made sure that Kisame
and the woman won't escape?”
“We
are not stupid”, Suigetsu answered. “I have barred the
door and Karin has secured it with some chakra seals. Besides they
are only next door so that we would hear them.”
“They
won't want to escape”, Karin said. “The woman still needs
me to look after her wounds, and Kisame won't leave her. She's all
that remains to him.”
Against
his will Sasuke felt pity for them. Seduced and used and abandoned.
It was their own fault, he reminded himself.
“It
might have been safer to have them with us”, he said. “But
never mind – it's more important that we are among ourselves
tonight.”
Now
that he had said it he realized that it was true: Being together with
the people he had grown to love during these recent weeks was what
was most important to him now.
“You
should sleep”, Karin said. “You'll need all your strength
tomorrow.”
He
nodded. “You'll watch over Juugo”, he said. “Suigetsu,
I trust you to keep her awake.”
“You
bet”, Suigetsu replied.
Sasuke
looked at Karin again, and following a sudden impulse he touched her
upper arm (still covered by the cloak Suigetsu had wrapped around
her.)
“You
look beautiful tonight”, he said, and he meant it, for her eyes
beamed with happiness and warmth and she seemed more beautiful than
ever, even though she had not even cared to take off her glasses.
“It's
too late”, Suigetsu said, drawing her to him. “You've had
your chance.”
“I
have never been interested in women”, Sasuke said. He was
surprised that the admission was so easy suddenly.
“Maybe
it's me who should be on the lookout”, Karin said, putting her
arm around Suigetsu's hips.
“I
have never been interested in men”, Suigetsu answered her. ”But
you owe me an invitation for dinner now.”
“Shall
I cook a four-course menu tomorrow or shall I invite you to a
restaurant when we are in town again?”
“You
shall cook. We had a bet going”, he explained to Sasuke. “Since
we met the pink-haired kunoichi.”
Sasuke
gasped.
Naruto
gasped as well. “You met Sakura?” he said. “Behind
my back?”
“I
don't know who you are jealous of, him or her”, Suigetsu said,
“but you heard him: He's not interested in women, so in either
case your jealousy is unfounded.”
“Why
did you meet her and not even talk to me?”
“You
had already left the team, moron”, Sasuke replied.
“You
could have come before I left.”
“Where
would have been the point in this?”
“You
might have met me!”
“Why
should I have wanted to meet you?”
“Why
did you want to meet Sakura?”
“To
ask her what had happened to you. Why should I have come when I knew
that you were still fine and safe with your friends`”
“To
meet me!” Naruto repeated.
“Stop
arguing and try to get some sleep”, Karin said. “Tomorrow
you will have to fight Itachi's raven companion.”
“Don't
forget that tomorrow I have a prize to collect!” Suigetsu
added. “We have to be alive to enjoy Karin's cooking.”
“I
will keep watch”, Karin concluded. “We will try to be
silent.”
They
withdrew into some corner. Sasuke was still busy coping with the fact
that his sexual orientation had been the subject of a bet between his
teammates. Only slowly he calmed down: They were making fun of him,
but they did not despise or hate him because of his preferences. They
treated him as they had always done.
The
little boat on its river was swinging less wildly now... He'd have to
rethink his relationships to men, to women and to himself. Funnily
enough, women seemed to be the easiest of the three. He could be
friendly with them now, give them compliments, even embrace them, and
still make clear that it wasn't anything personal but that their
relationship would go to a certain line and not beyond.
His
relationship with himself – he felt strange on his little boat,
not knowing where it would take him, and still he felt light-hearted
about it, because it was carrying him away from some bleak, barren
land.
His
relationships with men... this would be the most difficult point.
He'd have to find a way to reassure them that though he was
interested in men in general there was no danger of him falling in
love with them, so that they could still be comrades, teammates, even
friends. He'd have to think about it: For the moment he was content
that Naruto had not withdrawn his arm.
Spoon
and dkf: I only got your reviews this morning, so I will answer
them with the next chapter. But I am glad that I have not lost you!
Thanks for commenting!
LadyRonin:
Thanks for liking this chapter! I am a bit sorry that I used Jiraya
as I did, after all what has happened; on the other hand I think that
it is in accordance to canon. And Naruto – well, people (erm,
women) say that men are all hormone-driven, and that it's even worse
for teenage boys, but they can be very romantic as well. I think that
Naruto is a very romantic boy, in spite of his sexy no jutsu, and
that thus he is able to perceive that something is wrong with what
Jiraya does. But Jiraya is romantic as well, in a rather twisted way,
and perhaps in a rather teenage way. (There are grown-up ways of
being romantic. I just remember my grandfather calling my grandmother
his dear bride at their fiftieth anniversary.)
Well,
the main problem with Jiraya is that I cannot see him in a long-term
relationship.
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