Of Silver Linings and Blue Yonder | By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 18517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3 |
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or make any profit of it. Kishimoto owns it |
Author's note: You don't want to know how many times I've rewritten this chapter. Writing this particular conversation shouldn't have been so difficult, but alas, they proved to be stubborn *sighs* I'm still not completely happy with how it came out, but there are only so many times I can rewrite it before it looks even more stupid *grimaces* So yes, apologies in advance if the chapter both isn't up to par and not meeting your expectations completely *winces*
Thanks to the following reviewer: smint45
Warnings: Itachi's pov; some angst; set a few months after Akihito's birth, so set in the past
Dedicated to: IzXaRose
I hope you'll like it!
Chapter 25
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Itachi raised an eyebrow when he entered the kitchen and encountered something akin to a battlefield.
Sky blue eyes threw him an irritated look and he resisted the urge to raise his hands in surrender. "I don't need help, un," Deidara huffed and returned to the steaming pot of vegetables, impatiently pushing back a lock of his long blond hair.
Their nearly five month old son, Akihito, was puttering around in his walker, babbling to himself as he smacked the various buttons attached to the tray of the walker. A smack on the red button created the sound of a duck quaking and the little boy squealed in delight.
"Do you want me to set the table?" the Alpha offered, smiling when Akihito bumped against his legs and let out a cry of surprise.
"No, already taken care of," Deidara muttered and dipped a spoon in the soup, humming approvingly when he tasted it. "You can take Akihito with you to the dining room and wait there, un. The starter is ready to be served."
"All right, come, Akihito," Itachi acquiesced and carefully raised the boy out of his walker, resting his head against his shoulder. Akihito murmured something and stuck his fist against his mouth, drooling a bit on it.
Not caring one bit about potential drool on his sweater – it was why he was wearing a simple sweater instead of one of his more expensive shirts – he entered the dining room and abruptly came to a halt when he noticed the table.
They had decided to celebrate Christmas without the extended family this year. His mother had been a bit disappointed, but understanding when Itachi told her that he didn't want to overwhelm his son. The Uchiha clan was large and he honestly didn't fancy dealing with a fussy and frustrated baby after the family was done passing him back and forth.
So this Christmas it would just be him, Deidara and Akihito – yet the table was set for three people, not counting the high chair in which Akihito would be seated. He furrowed his eyebrows and placed Akihito in his chair, tying the bib around his neck.
"Deidara? Did you invite someone?" he asked curiously when the blond entered with the starter, which was agedashi tofu.
"I did," Deidara hummed, placing the bowls on the plates. He dropped a kiss on Akihito's head and chuckled when the boy stared at him in wonder before he clapped his small hands together.
"Who? Naruto-kun?" Itachi inquired.
"Nope, he's celebrating Christmas with his godfather, un," the Omega replied with a shrug.
Itachi cocked an eyebrow. "Then who did you invite?"
"You'll see," Deidara grinned and perked up when the doorbell rang loud and clearly. "Ah, he's here, un." He hurried to the front door before Itachi could move.
The dark haired man sighed and looked at Akihito, who stared solemnly back at him. "Your daddy likes surprises way too much," he informed the baby and the four month old gurgled in what seemed to be agreement.
There was soft murmur in the hallway, too soft for Itachi to distinguish the voices. One of them obviously was Deidara, but he couldn't pick up who the mysterious visitor was.
"The starter is already served and the soup is nearly ready, un," Deidara was saying as he approached the dining room.
The door, left ajar by the blond Omega, swung open and Deidara strode into the room, closely followed by –
Sasuke.
"Sasuke?" Itachi asked shocked and his eyes shot instantly to Deidara, who gazed back determined. "Deidara? What …"
"It's Christmas, un," Deidara stated and only his fingers twirling with a loose thread of his sweater betrayed his nervousness. "It's a time to spend with your family and it's been a while since you last spoke to Sasuke-kun, no?"
When Itachi looked at his little brother again, Sasuke shrugged stiffly as he hovered in the doorway. "He threatened to call mother and tell her I was feeling 'lonely'," the younger Alpha sneered and threw a venomous look at the absolutely unrepentant Omega, who simply raised an eyebrow.
"What? It got you to come over, didn't it, un?" Deidara retorted flippantly and gestured towards the chair right across from Akihito, who was blinking curiously up at his uncle. "Your seat is here."
"You're still a menace," Sasuke muttered darkly, but he acquiesced and sat down with a petulant look on his face.
"Let's eat, shall we?" Deidara said brightly and clapped his hands, serenely ignoring Itachi's meaningful look.
The Alpha knew his mate was up to something; he just needed to figure out what.
"So, Sasuke-kun, how are your studies going, un?" Deidara asked when they started eating the main course, which was roasted garlic chicken with mashed potatoes.
Akihito was cheerfully smashing his hands into his own mashed potatoes; grabbing fistfuls of it and stuffing it into his mouth – before continuing to spread it across his cheeks and forehead. Cleaning him up was going to be fun.
"Good," Sasuke muttered, cutting his chicken in several pieces. "I'm working on my final thesis, so I'll graduate next year."
"That's great, un," Deidara smiled encouragingly and Itachi nodded silently when he received a warning kick against his leg. "Do you have a place in mind where you're going to work? A hospital or so?"
Dark eyes darted quickly to Itachi before they focused back on his plate. "I'm … not interested in working in a hospital," Sasuke admitted and shrugged half-heartedly. He hunched his shoulders a bit as he continued reluctantly, "I was thinking of setting up my own office. I've seen a couple of buildings on my way to class that would work out well as a practice."
"Starting your own practice immediately after graduating is risky," Itachi couldn't stop himself from commenting and was treated with a warning glance of his blond mate. Sasuke had a sour look on his face, but Itachi continued, "You haven't made a name for yourself yet and rebuilding and buying the necessary equipment won't be cheap. Wouldn't it be better if you get your name out there by working at a hospital first? News travels fast after all."
"I thought you said I would make a great doctor?" Sasuke bit out spitefully and his hand tightened around his knife. "I'm not going to work in a hospital, okay? I won't. I know what I'm doing."
"If you need help," Itachi started, but Sasuke's scowl made him sigh.
"Then I'll let you know," Sasuke said sharply and there was a moment of heavy silence before Deidara broke it by launching into a story about his friend Naruto.
Itachi didn't miss the sharp look sky blue eyes shot at him, though, and he pursed his lips before turning to Akihito to clean his face with a napkin; the baby protesting faintly.
He didn't know what was wrong now. There had been tension between him and Sasuke ever since the younger man had announced his decision to become a doctor. They had never really ignored each other or had big fights, but they certainly had went weeks without talking to each other – something they hadn't done prior before Sasuke's announcement.
Itachi had hoped that they would become closer again after Sasuke had helped out with Akihito's birth, but since that day things between them had been … strained. The tension between them had definitely lessened and there had been more phone calls, but their conversations over the phone had remained fairly neutral; the both of them trying to figure out which subjects could be breached without the other one becoming offended.
It was like balancing on a rope; one wrong move and he would fall.
It was beyond ridiculous. He didn't want this strained atmosphere between them, this walking on egg shells that made every conversation a balancing act. He didn't want to be careful anymore with what he said; he certainly could do without Sasuke acting both suspicious and surprised whenever the older Alpha inquired after his studies.
He wanted to go back to the time when they had been close, when Sasuke hadn't withdrawn himself, when he had been more than happy to tell his big brother what he had been doing, pestering the older Alpha until he gave in and spent more time with him.
Itachi wanted nothing more than their bond back, but there was still this barrier between them, this damn wall that seemed impossible to lower, no matter how hard Itachi tried.
Feeling powerless was something Itachi hadn't experienced a lot, but it figured that it would be his little brother who managed to bring up that particular emotion.
The question was: was he too late to break down the barrier completely? Did he still have a chance to repair their bond or was it lost forever?
"It was delicious," Sasuke told Deidara sincerely as the last piece of chocolate cake was scraped off the plates.
Surprise crossed Deidara's face for a few seconds, before he looked pleased. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun. Why don't you go to the living room with Akihito, un? The tea will be ready soon."
The younger Alpha looked a bit taken aback, but nodded hesitatingly and stood up, walking around the table to take Akihito out of his chair. The baby babbled softly and smacked Sasuke's chest with a fist, rubbing his cheek against the collar of his uncle's shirt. The door swung shut behind Sasuke and Itachi started gathering the empty plates in order to bring them to the kitchen.
A hand on his own stopped him and he looked at Deidara curiously. "What?"
The Omega gave him a meaningful look. "Go talk to your brother, un," he ordered, pressing down on Itachi's hand until the Alpha lowered the plate again.
"What? Why?" Itachi questioned bemused.
Deidara crossed his arms and gazed at him unimpressed. "Because this whole tension between you two needs to stop," he answered curtly. "It's time that you two talk it out. I don't know what exactly went wrong between you two and I'm not going to pry, but you obviously need to talk about it, un. Now go."
"We don't - "
A huge sigh left Deidara and he pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes. "Look, I know that you Uchiha men are emotionally stunted idiots, but I'm pretty sure you're capable of talking out differences, un. He's your brother, Itachi, just talk to him for fuck's sake."
"I knew you had an ulterior motive for inviting him," Itachi said grimly.
The blond shrugged. "You both need a push, un, and I like Sasuke-kun. It's nice to have him over. It's clear as day that you miss him and I know he misses you too. Now stop being an idiot and go, un!"
"Fine, I'm going," Itachi muttered, knowing when to give in. An annoyed Deidara was one thing – a pissed off Deidara was a whole other thing.
Sasuke was sitting on the couch with Akihito lying on a pillow next to him when Itachi entered the living room. The baby was focusing on Sasuke's finger, which was held up in the air a bit above his head, and he was grabbing at it, letting out a sound of delight every time he managed to snatch his uncle's finger.
The scene reminded Itachi so much of how Sasuke had tried grabbing his finger when he had been a baby that he abruptly halted and swallowed, his hand resting on the doorknob.
"Itachi," Sasuke greeted him, a tad wary, and his eyes flashed when Itachi closed the door behind him. "Where's Deidara?"
"He's cleaning up," Itachi replied and slowly approached the couch, trying to gauge how welcome he was.
Sasuke stiffened a bit, but didn't move when Itachi sank down next to Akihito; the cushion dipping in a bit.
"Don't you need to help him?" Sasuke asked in a neutral tone; eyes fixated on his nephew.
"I've been banned from helping him," Itachi answered dryly and his own eyes landed on Akihito, who stared back and then cried out happily, waving his right fist around.
An uncomfortable silence rang between them, only disturbed by Akihito's murmuring as he wiggled back and forth on his pillow, unable to decide whether he should grab his uncle's finger or his father's.
Sasuke cleared his throat and retracted his hand; Akihito releasing a sound of dismay. "Thanks for the invitation; I'll be go - "
"No, you won't," Itachi interrupted him and was instantly gifted with a heavy scowl.
"Excuse me?" Sasuke asked; his voice dangerously low.
"It's time we have a talk," the older Alpha said and grimaced lightly. This would either go well or very badly. They both didn't excel in talking about their feelings, so this would be quite the interesting conversation.
"No, it's not," Sasuke instantly countered, features darkening, and he started to rise up, clearly intent on leaving as soon as possible.
Quickly Itachi grabbed his brother's wrist, ignoring how the younger Alpha's scowl deepened into a glower, and pulled him back down. "Yes, it is; this has been going on for far too long."
Sasuke snatched his wrist back, but didn't stand up again. Instead he crossed his arms and started tapping his foot agitatedly on the floor.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked brusquely, refusing to look his brother in the eye.
Where to begin?
"I – shouldn't have reacted badly when you told me what you wanted to study," Itachi started slowly, putting his thoughts in order. He wasn't ready to explain his inane worries, the insecurities that had plagued him ever since Sasuke had informed their family what he wanted to study, but he would just go through with it. If he wanted to have a chance at gaining a close bond with his brother again he would just have to suck it up; there was no other solution.
Sasuke stilled and dark eyes quickly flicked up at him before they returned to staring at the floor. "Why did you?" he questioned quietly; his entire form tense. His voice was mostly neutral, but still a hint of hurt slipped through.
"It's …" Itachi released a sigh, picked up Akihito and let him rest against his chest. The baby fussed a bit before he closed a tiny fist around a fold in Itachi's sweater and closed his eyes. "Nobody ever told you this, but when mother was expecting you, she started bleeding during the seventh month. She was on forced bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy."
"I didn't know that," Sasuke admitted after a short pause. "What does that have to do with your reaction, though?"
"I'm getting to that," Itachi smiled faintly, stroking his son's balled fist. "When I asked about it, father just told me that mother needed to rest a lot to make sure you would be born healthy. I was … worried. You weren't even born yet, but there was already a chance I wouldn't get to meet my little brother if something went wrong." He slowly exhaled, vividly recalling spending all his free time with mother in her bedroom to keep an eye on her – and by extension his little brother. He had only been five years old, but he had felt responsible for his mother and unborn brother.
"On the day you were born, I made a promise," he continued and felt more than heard Sasuke turning to face him. "I promised that I would always take care of you, no matter what would happen. You're my little brother and I didn't want you to be hurt."
"I know," Sasuke murmured, but he sounded confused; clearly not understanding where the other Alpha was going with this story.
"So I did my best to take care of you, but I also knew that father was on your case about your marks and your extracurricular activities," Itachi went on and irritation at their father's behaviour flared up again. He had never understood why father had been so hard on his youngest son; it wasn't like Sasuke had been stupid. He had been consistently first of his year and he had excelled in every extracurricular activity he had taken on.
"You're the golden child, not me," Sasuke said wryly and shrugged, but the roll of his shoulders was stiff and his face darkened slightly.
"None of us are golden children." Itachi shook his head. "Doesn't matter. The point was that I knew he was preparing you to enter the family business. The children of the main branch take over the family business – that has been the case for centuries."
"Until I broke the cycle," Sasuke smiled cynically.
"I … I actually expected that you would follow me into the family business as well," Itachi admitted and he met Sasuke's surprised gaze straight on. "You were always following me around, wanting to do everything I did, proclaiming that you were going to be as great as your big brother."
The other man flushed darkly. "I was a little kid," Sasuke defended himself; embarrassment colouring his voice.
Itachi allowed himself a smile. "I know, but you did take up the same courses as I did in school which would prepare you for a position in the company. And then you suddenly decided that the company wasn't for you and you wanted to become a doctor and help Omega."
"So what? Because I didn't want to be like you anymore, you got pissed off?" Sasuke asked incredulously and his mouth tightened; his hands balled into fists.
"Not pissed off," Itachi corrected him and this time it was he who looked away as embarrassment flared up. "But anxious."
Helpless.
"Why?" Sasuke questioned baffled; his dark eyes wide with bewilderment.
Akihito smacked his lips and drool began slipping out of his half open mouth as he slept peacefully, unaware of the tense conversation occurring between his father and uncle.
"Because I couldn't help you anymore," Itachi admitted; his thumb – which had been stroking Akihito's cheek – stilling. "I'd become so used to helping you out that I had already come up with positions in the company that would be suitable for you. If you had questions about your studies, your professors, and so on, I could help you out. I had become so used to being the big brother who you looked up to and whose footsteps you wanted to follow in, that I hadn't even considered the idea that you might not be interested in joining the company. It was a … shock to hear you say that you wanted to become a doctor."
He took a deep breath. "I couldn't help you with this; I have no knowledge whatsoever in this field so any problems with your studies I wouldn't be able to help you out with. I know it doesn't excuse my reaction. I know my reason for having reacted like that is ridiculous. I should have supported you from the start; I shouldn't have made the same mistake as father and assume you were joining the company just because I had done so. You're your own person, Otouto, not my copy and you're more than capable of making your own decisions. I just … wasn't ready to stop being the big brother who took care of you."
Silence reigned for a long time after Itachi's confession.
It felt … not exactly good as he still felt the shame of behaving so ridiculously merely because realisation had sunk in that Sasuke wasn't that little boy anymore who clung to his hand and who needed his big brother to guide him through life. But at the same time it was as if a burden had fallen off his shoulders. It was out now; whether his admittance would bring them closer again or not …
"You're still my big brother," Sasuke broke the silence; a rose hue of embarrassment dusted his cheeks. "That's … that's never going to change. No matter how old we become. Nii-san … I may not need your help anymore, but you're still my big brother. Always will be. You're still the person I look up to the most; that's never going to change. Okay? I might not need your care anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't want you in my life anymore. I just … I need you to be on my side, even if I'm never going to join the company."
"I'm on your side," Itachi declared without hesitation. There had never been any question about that; he was on his little brother's side, no matter what happened. "That's never going to change, I promise."
"Good, that's … that's good," Sasuke muttered, nodding quickly. "If – if you have time, if you want to, I mean, you can come look with me for potential places for my practice next year. Only if you want to of course."
Itachi smiled, relief blooming open in him like a flower, recognising the request for what it was: the sign that he had been forgiven. "I'd like that."
"Good." Sasuke nodded and then cleared his throat, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I don't think I've said this yet, but Merry Christmas, nii-san."
"Merry Christmas, Otouto." Itachi met Sasuke's eyes and they shared a smile; the awkward atmosphere finally breaking down and dissolving.
They still had a couple of issues to work through, but that was okay.
The barrier was finally down; he had his brother back. That was all that mattered to him now.
AN2: I hope it doesn't suck as badly as I fear it does *grimaces*
I figured that with the upcoming holidays, a holiday themed chapter would be fitting - though there wasn't actually much of the holiday in it, but you know *coughs*
I wish you all a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Whichever holiday you celebrate!
Please leave a review behind with your thoughts; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
See you all in the next chapter!
Cuddles
Melissa
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