Love Me When I'm Gone | By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story. |
I found myself on my feet again, not many days after my discussion with Kakashi. As much as I hate to admit it, it would have been selfish to allow myself to simply die from the pain; so I am choosing to live with it instead. I will not allow myself false hope, but I will live within each moment. I will get stronger. I will push harder… and if Suna ever needs my help – I will give my life to defend her people. For now, however, I must rebuild the ashes of my life here; within Konoha.
Naruto is ecstatic at my sudden recovery, and I feel like rolling my eyes at his enthusiasm. If he is not out on a mission for the Hokage, he is practically glued to my side. He bounces and shouts, and constantly shows me new things he loves about his village. He introduces me to everyone as Mizuki, his friend who just moved here from Suna. I was shocked at first to learn that the people of Konoha, in general, do not know of my curse. Other than the few who knew before my arrival, and a few hospital staff who attended me; people are oblivious. Everyone who does know was sworn to secrecy by the Hokage herself. They blamed the damage at the hospital on a normal earthquake – even though Konoha has never had one before. So for now my secret is safe, and the village only slightly safer. Apparently, Orochimaru has it out for this place anyway, so my presence should not increase the threat much.
Tsunade gave me a thorough scolding on my very first day out of bed. She has forbid me from attempting my normal pattern. Despite my assurances that Gaara no longer wants to continue our relationship, she does not want to risk his anger. Also, she still fears my curse enough to want to keep me away from the men of the village. She has not outright forbid me from having a lover, but she has asked me to alert her if my mind changes in the area. It will not. I am still too broken. The thought of anyone touching me other than Gaara sends me into a cold sweat.
Gaara was true to his word. He has more than provided for my needs. I have my own apartment, insane amounts of my own clothes, and food for my table delivered every week. I am so bored! This life is too easy, and I hate it. It is so empty it makes my chest ache. I have been plagued by constant nausea, which riots to near uncontrollable levels when I think about Suna or Gaara. My body is healing much slower than they had hoped. Tsunade worries about it, but I will not submit myself to more of her useless tests. They can deal with it when I drop dead if that’s to be my fate!
I miss Temari and Kankuro also, and my eyes begin to fill with tears again. I had a family for those brief weeks – and I miss it with a hunger that terrifies me. I miss Kankuro and Temari fighting. I miss Kankuro leering at the women in the street. I miss Temari’s awful mothering. I miss how they fret over their brother. God… I miss them yelling at me.
As I wander through the streets of my new home, I see a familiar figure lying in the grass staring up at the clouds. I have never officially met him, but I would know his face and form anywhere. Shikamaru!! I can’t help but run over to him.
“Shikamaru?” I ask, a little breathless in my excitement.
He glances at me and I am surprised to find that he is irritated. “Yeah?”
“Oh, I’m sorry… I…” I blush, pulling back from him and sitting down on my knees. “I guess we haven’t officially met yet. In the hospital doesn’t count since I kinda… Sorry.” I turn my eyes down to the grass ashamed.
“You’re even more troublesome than Temari.” He sighs deeply and stares up at the clouds again.
“I apologize. I didn’t mean to intrude,” I try to find a way to reach him. “I just feel like I know you so well, from knowing Temari. She had been hoping we would get a chance to meet. How is she?”
“How the hell would I know?” he sits up suddenly, angry; throwing his arms around his knees.
“But you… I…” I glance around, wondering if he is upset by the public setting. No one is here… “I know you two are seeing each other. I thought you might have heard from her…” I cannot keep the pleading tone from my voice.
He watches me closely, as if analyzing my every movement. “I haven’t heard from her since they left for Suna.”
More pain. I try to hold back the tone of grief from my voice. “Oh… I… am sorry to have troubled you.” I start to get up to leave.
“Wait,” he says sighing heavily. “You guys are the biggest pain. Mind telling me what the hell is going on? I’m not the mind-reader you know.” I am not surprised that he knows. He was with Temari at the hospital – he saw my rage.
“I…,” I hesitate. “I’m not sure what you know.”
“And how exactly is that?” he scoffs.
“I can choose not to read people’s minds you know. It is harder to block out emotions, kinda like body language, but not impossible. I haven’t been reading minds almost at all since coming to Konoha.” I fiddle with my fingers in my lap. “It’s too… painful. Too many things I don’t want to see.”
He stares at me for long moments, thinking intently. I just watch his face, keeping the wall firmly in place. Eventually, it fades into surprise. “Huh… I guess that’s true.”
I am confused. “What do you mean?” He places his hands in front of him in an odd shape and pauses for a long time. “I don’t think I want to know.”
I start to leave again and he glances at me from the corner of his eye.
“I was just thinking that it was a shame Gaara went through all that trouble for nothing,” he says suddenly. “He didn’t get the baby from the deal… or anything worthwhile really.”
The pain is more sudden and real than a physical slap to the face. I cannot breathe. I see my beautiful jade-eyed baby crying again. I leap to my feet and run from his cruel words.
Temari didn’t say he was cruel! I cannot stop the tears from flowing down my face as I run. I cannot see through them and I trip and fall into a pile of wicker baskets in the alley way, scratching up my arms as I sob.
“Hey wait!” I hear him shouting as he runs to catch me. He reaches to pick me up, and grabs my arm. I lash out violently and slap him hard across the face.
“You bastard!” I scream at him. “Let go of me!”
Suddenly, orange and blond flashes in front of me, and I see Naruto hit Shikamaru hard in the center of the chest with both palms; sending him flying across the alley.
“What the hell Shikamaru!!” he screams. “What are you doing?!” He is standing in a defensive stance over me, but he looks like he’s going to tear Shikamaru’s throat out.
Shikamaru stands up slowly and dusts himself off, rubbing his neck and rolling his head around on his shoulders. “God damn troublesome women and their hormones…” he mumbles.
“Hormones!” I screech. “I’ll show you hormones!”
I lash out at him with my mind, my anger getting the best of me. I don’t use physical pain, but my own emotions. The loss of the baby… my beautiful crimson haired, jade-eyed little baby… the earth-shattering emptiness… Gaara’s impassive face as he tells me he’s leaving for Suna… the physical ache and longing without him… the longing for death. My longing to see Kankuro and Temari again… for Kankuro to tease me… for Temari to give me her knowing smile.
“You asshole!” I scream through my tears.
Both Shikamaru and Naruto fall to their knees gripping their heads. They cough violently as blood trickles from their mouths.
What? I think in mild shock. In my anger, I did not realize I caught Naruto in my wake… I hadn’t meant to. He was trying to protect me. Damnit!
“Oh God, Naruto. I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” I crawl over and grasp his face in my hands, raising it to look at him. I am not surprised to see tears running down his face. “I’m so sorry. I hadn’t meant for you… to see that.”
“How…?” he asks in a broken voice, looking up at me with wide and honest tear-filled eyes.
“I can project my mind into someone else’s if I need to,” I try to explain. “I can project things that are not real too, but it tends to be worse when it’s real emotion…”
“No,” he cuts me off. “How… can you… ? How do you keep breathing?”
I turn away from him, embarrassed by misunderstanding his question. “You don’t know what you’re capable of until you have no other choice.”
I am surprised when he throws his arms around me, and chokes back a sob. “I swear I will protect you,” he says fervently. “I don’t really get what’s going on, but I won’t let… you get hurt anymore. Not by Gaara, not by this asshole… not anyone! Believe it.”
I smile sadly to myself, thankful for this unlikely friend.
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