Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
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24. New Home
I awaken to feel myself being carried by strong arms. An unfamiliar male scent tickles my nose. It is sweet and spicy like cinnamon. I open my eyes, and see a bright orange jump suit, and lift them to see Naruto’s handsome yet childish face above me. He looks distressed. I glance to the side, without turning my head, and see that he is carrying me through the streets of Konoha – the village hidden in the leaves.
Where is he taking me? I peer into his thoughts.
I can’t believe this. His thoughts are confused. It’s so crazy… but I promised Gaara…
I recoil from his thoughts, and the mention of my former lover’s name, shuddering violently with tears springing to my eyes. He tightens his grip to avoid dropping me on the pavement.
“Aw, geez,” Naruto says, looking embarrassed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t think you were awake. Do you want me to put you down?” I just stare at him. After a moment, I lay my head back down against his arm and close my eyes. I do not care. “I… Uh… I’m taking you to your new apartment. I figured you didn’t want to stay in that big old pile of rubble anymore. Your new place is really nice – right by mine.”
After a few minutes, we head into a building and up to the second floor. He somehow manages to get the door open without dropping me and carries me inside, into a back bedroom and straight to a large bed. He sets me down gently, and then stands there awkwardly – rubbing the back of his head.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asks kindly.
I shake my head no.
“Well… look, I’m always around if you do. I prom… I, uh…” he rubs the back of his head nervously. “I plan to stick around and look after you. I know it must be hard having to live in a new place all of a sudden. Konoha is nothing like Suna. We’ve got lots of grass and trees. It’s really pretty. I think you’ll like it here…”
I just stare into his eyes as I am overwhelmed once again with the desire to just fall down dead.
“Hey, hey…” he pleads. “Come on, it’s not so bad. I know you must miss… everyone from back there. I thought Temari and Kankuro were going to cry when they left. But I’ll take care of you,” he chuckles nervously.
I cannot bring myself to speak, but I am moved by his compassion. It is no wonder Gaara values him so much. I grasp his hand lightly, and open my mind just enough to let him feel what I feel. I am hollow, and crushed, and aching for Gaara, but there is the faintest glimmer of thankfulness for Naruto’s kindness. I look up at his face to see tears forming in his eyes.
“Gee…” he says slightly dazed. “You really love him don’t you?”
I pull my hand back and put the walls back in place. I close my eyes, rolling away from him and essentially dismissing him. I don’t want to talk about Gaara. It may kill me.
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Three days later, I am trying my best to ignore Sakura. I am staring at the small crack in my dresser, like I have been for three days. She is sitting on the edge of my bed and begging me to eat something. I haven’t moved from this spot since Naruto put me here, except to use the bathroom. As I have not been eating or drinking, the need for that has eventually faded as well.
Perhaps I can just decide to die… and it will eventually happen? Not with these idiots constantly pestering me, I think bitterly.
“Come on!” she begs. “You can’t just stop eating. You’re not even healed yet! If you don’t eat something you’ll die. How do you think Gaara will feel then?”
I jerk in pain at the mention of his name and try weakly to pull the blankets over my head. Gaara doesn’t want me. My lover and his baby were taken from me.
“That’s right!” she shrieks, getting more angry by the moment. “How do you think he will feel if I write to him and tell him you’re killing yourself slowly?!”
“Sakura.” I am surprised to hear Kakashi’s scolding voice. I didn’t realize he was here. “That isn’t going to help.”
“But… Kakashi-sensei … she must eat. It’s been three days.”
“Why don’t you go on out and find Naruto. Perhaps he has learned something.”
I can feel her looking back at me. I feel only mildly guilty that I am causing her pain. Not enough. She gets up with a frustrated sigh and begins to leave. “Alright.”
After a few moments, I feel him sit down in her place. Curious despite myself, I glance up at his face. I have stopped using my curse all together. There are too many thoughts of Gaara here. Too much pity and confusion.
“You know,” he starts softly, “people all deal with grief in their own way. This all may feel like it’s accomplishing something to you – but it will only cause more grief.”
I turn away from him to stare at the crack.
“I’ve lost a lot of people in my life. Seen too much death. Some choose to seek revenge for their loss. Others choose to die with those who went before them… but death only brings more grief for more people, and then… even more death.
“We lost an important member of our village recently. He was consumed by his own grief and his need for revenge. He tore a hole in the heart of this village when he left us – Sakura and Naruto especially. They have used their grief – channeled it – to fight for him. They are fighting even now… to win him back.”
I turn to look at him again. I understand what he is trying to tell me, but he doesn’t understand the real problem.
“He…,” my voice is mutilated from the abuse and disuse. “He does not want me Kakashi. I should not try to follow where I am not wanted.”
“Sometimes…” he says in a gentle voice, brushing a loose hair back from my hollow eyes. “Sometimes grief confuses things. Sometimes it changes what we want. It may be permanent, or only temporary. Would you risk that? Would you risk… not being there… when he needs you?”
I feel tears beginning to pool in my eyes. “You fight dirty, Kakashi. Isn’t it cruel to stir false hope?”
“I think… it is more cruel… to let hope die.”
I let myself think of Gaara for the first time in three days. I feel like I am going to throw up.
He doesn’t want me! I squeeze my eyes tight against the pain. But… what if Kakashi is right? What if he needs me someday? What if he comes to look for me, and I am gone? … Even if he does not want me… he would blame himself for my death. He would carry that burden to his grave… as surely as if the child had killed me. I see him standing over my grave, gripping his shirt front. Oh God…
I try to sit up, but my muscles are so weak I can’t even manage it on my own. Kakashi gently lifts me into a sitting position, and props me up with pillows. He picks up the bowl of hot ramen that Sakura left behind, and slowly begins bringing a spoonful to my lips. I comply, and swallow painfully.
I do not deserve your kindness… I think to him. I have only ever brought pain into the world. I will only bring more pain to your village if you allow me to live here. Look what I have brought to Suna…
“I think,” he answers me aloud, “that you’ve spent a long time running. I think that you have been hurt, and seen many others hurt. But… I see something you don’t. I see a Gaara who – despite its tragic ending – actually learned to love; to love someone other than himself in a very powerful way. I see his brother and sister interacting with him in a level of comfort and compassion I had feared they would never know. I have seen a Kazekage who would tear down the side of a mountain to rescue that which was important to him – and who even thought enough to provide for you after he left. I have seen the three of them working as a real team. Would you have denied them this?”
I don’t know what to think. I think you’re giving me too much credit, I finally respond.
“Perhaps,” he says, bringing another spoonful to my mouth. “But I wouldn’t risk it. Suna needs a strong leader, who can love its people in a real and powerful way.”
Naruto and Sakura come back in, dragging their feet with their heads hung low. They both glance up and freeze at the sight of Kakashi feeding me.
“Hey, Kakashi-Sensei! That’s great!” Naruto cheers. “What did you say?”
“Not much,” he says humbly, “She just needed some time.”
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Love Me When I'm Gone

24. New Home