Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

All In	By : momhuey8 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1711 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 23
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- 25
Later that week, Naruto felt Neji and Sasuke leave his head. He watched Neji go to Sasuke and put his arm around his shoulder. They both looked very upset.
"What's the matter?" He struggled out of bed and went to his friends.
Sasuke looked up, his eyes red rimmed and caressed Naruto's cheek. "My gods. I would change so much of your life."
"My life?" Naruto looked confused.
"Your childhood," Sasuke said.
Naruto's face instantly reddened and he jerked back. "My childhood?"
Sasuke winced as realized what he'd done.
"I thought we were getting rid of fake memories." Naruto's voice was rising and his breath was coming faster. "What the fuck do my childhood memories have to do with this?"
Naruto was met with silence as Neji and Sasuke watched him warily, neither knowing what to say.
"Don't tell me you have access to my whole life?" Naruto covered his face with his hands. "What the fuck have you seen?"
He interrupted any answer by slamming his fist against the wall.
"You know what? Never mind. This shit stops now."
"Naruto..."
"No. I can take a lot of shit, but I can't take your pity. I won't do it."
"Naruto, we don't..."
"Don't give me your crap. You just came out of my head with tears in your eyes." Naruto's face contorted and a sob escaped him.
"Fuck," he whispered. As he stood there facing the wall, he knew what they'd seen, what memory had been floating through his relaxed mind.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
One moment, Naruto, filthy, hungry and cold, was looking avidly through a window into the pretty house watching the little pink haired girl eat dinner with her family, the next he was being dragged by two ninja into a room full of men.
"We found him. Stinks to high heaven."
Naruto stopped struggling as an old man stood up from behind a giant desk and looked at him. The man came around the desk and then sank to his knees in front of Naruto.
"Uzumaki Naruto?" he said, fingering dirty blond strands.
Naruto tried to tug his arms free, but finally slumped and nodded.
"I'm glad we found you. It's getting cold out." He nodded to the men holding Naruto and they let go. Naruto immediately brought his little fists up in a fighting stance.
"Have you been cold, Naruto?"
Naruto's arms dropped slightly in his surprise. He nodded.
"I'm sorry you felt like you had to run away. Was Hiroto-san mean to you?"
Naruto shrugged. "He was mean to Ren and Yua 'cause they were nice to me."
"So he was bad to all the children?"
Naruto swiped his running nose. "Naw. Just the ones who give me food and stuff. I tried to beat him up, but he's bigger'n me."
"Iruka, I need some corrective counseling delivered to Hiroto from the Hokage. Can you take care of that for me?"
"Hai, Hokage-sama. It will be my pleasure." One of the men in the room vanished.
"You're the Hokage?" Naruto asked, his eyes wide.
"Yes, son, and I have a new home for you."
The next day, the Sandaime took Naruto to a tiny apartment and told him that this was his new home. Food would be delivered every day and clean clothes once a week. And next month Naruto would start school at the Ninja Academy.
The Sandaime’s men brought food everyday, but Naruto soon learned that this situation was little different from the orphanage. One of the ninja found great amusement in propping his feet up on the kitchen table and eating the food he brought, tossing the occasional noodle on the floor for Naruto to scrape up and eat.
Another ninja would laugh uproariously as he put a handful of rice on his shoe and insisted that the tiny boy eat while on his knees.
The first week's laundry delivery was full of girls clothing except one bright orange jumpsuit that was way too big for him. He had the option of wearing the clothes he’d been found in, but had immediately fallen in love with this outfit and had been wearing it for two straight weeks.
One day three ninja came and one began the usual routine of dangling a long noodle just above Naruto’s head and laughing as he made him jump for it. One of the other ninja, however frowned and touched a tattoo on his shoulder.
“Iruka? You sent for me?” The Sandaime arrived in time to see Naruto scrambling under the table for the small scraps that had been tossed under there.
The other two ninja dropped to their knees and Naruto watched them beg for forgiveness. His mouth opened and he was filled with wonder at how the Hokage was treated.
"Let's change your clothes," the Hokage said gently brushing his hands over the dirty orange material.
"No!" Naruto hugged himself.
"Do you like this jumpsuit, Naruto?" The Hokage fingered the fabric.
"The rest of the stuff is for girls, but that's okay because this is the best clothes ever." He hugged himself again and smiled. "It makes me feel like a fox!"
Sandaime's eyebrows shot up. "What do you know of foxes?"
"I saw a picture of one once. He was all orange with white fur around his neck. He had a bunch of tails and big pointy teeth. The other kids thought he was scary, but I thought he was funny." Naruto growled and gnashed his teeth then laughed. "I dream I'm a fox every night."
The Hokage looked startled but just rummaged through the basket of clothing. He frowned when he, indeed, found nothing but women's clothing. His look said that some of his Anbu were about to find themselves reassigned to the desert, and they obviously knew it.
The two on the floor bent further, putting their foreheads on the wood. "Hokage-sama, please forgive us. We were just playing with the boy. It was all in fun."
Naruto watched the exchange and almost cried with longing for such acknowledgement.
"I want to be a Hokage," he whispered, tears threatening.
The old man lifted a hand to stroke Naruto's hair several times, while Naruto held himself stiff with fear at the hand being lifted toward him.
"You are such a special boy, Naruto, the most special boy in the world. I believe you will be Hokage someday." Naruto's eyes widened in wonder and he couldn't wait to tell everyone.
That night after he put himself to bed, he stroked his own hair and face trying to remember every single detail of the only gentle touch he'd ever received, whispering to himself, "Special boy."
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Sasuke turned to Neji. "Go. I'll deal with this."
As Naruto threw his hands in the air and cried, "Now you'll deal with me?" Neji nodded reluctantly and left the room.
Naruto turned away from Sasuke and leaned on the bed. "Get out."
"No."
"Get! Out! I can't take your pity."
"I don't..." Sasuke was frantic. They couldn't stop.
"How can I face you now?" The bleakness of Naruto's voice matched the pain in his eyes. "God knows what you've seen. All of my weakness..."
Sasuke spun Naruto around, gripping his arms. "I've never seen a single weakness in all the years I've known you; only strength. Strength I can't even comprehend."
Naruto just looked at the floor, his arms hanging limp.
"You want to see weakness? I can show you weakness." Sasuke shook Naruto. "Look." He shook him again. "Look! I know you can."
Naruto didn't raise his head. "Look at me, damn it!" Sasuke shouted.
Naruto raised his head. The slits in his eyes morphed from vertical to horizontal and he found himself inside Sasuke's mind.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Sasuke laughed lightly as he studied his lover; Naruto was the messiest sleeper.
Naruto was on his stomach, his head at the wrong end of the bed. His arms and legs were taking up the entire surface of the mattress.
Sasuke moved to his side and brushed the blond strands at Naruto's neck. Then his eyes wandered to the tattoo on his back.
He crawled carefully onto the bed so as not to wake Naruto, then knelt at the blond's side. He leaned close and studied the creation in the afternoon light, occasionally brushing sections that tempted him to see if he could feel them under his lips or fingertips.
He closed his eyes and remembered sitting in his cold, dank room in Sound, yearning for this very thing, this very battle. On a couple of occasions he'd heard some commotion or other and let himself hope for several brief seconds that Naruto had come. Hoped that his friend was there to rescue him, making him change the decision he'd made. Prayed that Naruto was even then, killing the Sannin, forcing Sasuke to turn from the road he'd taken.
For many minutes he would let his secret heart yearn for someone to wrest his life from him again and take control, setting him on a new path, absolving him of the old decisions as well as the new.
At those times, he'd never felt like more of a child and hated the universe that he couldn't be one.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
"Kill me!" Sasuke flung himself at his brother in a hospital hallway.
Of course, what came out of his mouth was, "I'll kill you," but either result was okay with Sasuke.
Die or kill; he was willing to do anything to end this pain. The space inside him was such an ugly place. It was dark and filled with fear and grief and anger. He physically hurt all the time, although no one knew it because, with hands clenched in his pockets, he'd shut everyone out.
He'd had to. Something was going to happen to this new group he’d begun to think of as family, and then he'd lose his sanity. Better to end it now, before he became what he saw standing down the hallway by Naruto's door; his brother.
"Kill me..."
XXX XXX XXX XXX
"Come with me."
Sasuke watched the tiny sun dance around his face, brush his cheek as though a kiss.
That wasn't what it was saying, though.
"Goodbye."
But Sasuke's heart heard what it needed to hear. What he needed to justify his next actions.
Once again in his life, he asked, begged, someone else to make his decisions for him. And since it was Naruto this time, he had to comply. He could deny his beloved nothing.
Besides, who would care? And if Naruto wanted to take him to task in the beyond, he'd accept it. It was a small price to avoid another loss that would take his very soul.
So, relief enough to fill the universe coursed through him and he pressed the blade to his forearm.
“Wait for me."
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Sasuke sat at the top of the tallest pine and cried. This with Naruto was falling apart and he knew why; Naruto had finally seen the real Sasuke and had come to his senses. Naruto had finally realized how unworthy Sasuke really was.
Sasuke thought about all his efforts to end to own life or let others end it for him, and how Naruto was always there either in person or as a light in his heart, stopping him. Naruto, who carried the burden of the entire world. Naruto, who was as alone as he was, and who also hurt.
They both had been knocked down, again and again. Sasuke let others pick him up and choose his next destination; let others use him for their purposes.
Naruto had picked himself up and refocused himself over and over toward the same goal, one of his choosing, allowing no one to use him, ever.
The world should love Naruto, not in spite of the demon, but because of the demon. He protected them with every fiber of his being. Anyone else would succumb to the lure of that power, using it for personal gain. But Naruto would end his own life before he would let that happen. With the demon, he could buy love and fear and respect from the world, but instead chose the noble road, yearning for acknowledgment and affection for the human boy instead.
And this miraculous person had chosen Sasuke to love, had taken that warm sunshine and poured it down on his undeserving head.
Sasuke, a prickly, worthless sponge, had selfishly taken it, soaking it all up.
Naruto was giving him the chance, the freedom, to become a better man, and, selfish bastard that he was, he was taking it, letting Naruto be his beacon, lighting the path.
Show me... Help me... Save me... Love me...
In return...in return...I have nothing. I am nothing.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Naruto left Sasuke's mind and found that they were sitting on the floor, Sasuke in his lap. Tears were running down the pale face.
"Now you've seen true weakness. I'm nothing compared to you."
"No..." Naruto shook his head in denial.
"Do you hate me now?" Sasuke interrupted.
Naruto slid his fingers into Sasuke's hair. "I only love you. That's all. I just love you; all of you."
"I want you to see something else." Sasuke sniffed and swiped at his cheeks.
Naruto cocked his head, then nodded and reentered Sasuke's mind.
This memory had stood out more than all the others, good or bad. When it had swirled around him, the feelings coming from it had brought him to his knees and tears of absolute joy had streamed down his face.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Sasuke remembered Naruto coming and telling him there was going to be a lunar eclipse and wondered if he'd like to watch it from that tall pine on the edge of the property.
Sasuke had been tired but the evening was warm and the idea of leaning back against his beloved, listening to the sounds of the night wrapped in his arms seemed like the perfect ending to the day.
He hadn't remembered the eclipse because he'd fallen asleep. The beat of Naruto's heart at his back and the warmth of his breath on his neck had lulled him to sleep within minutes of finding a comfortable spot.
But from the memory, Sasuke had learned that Naruto hadn't watched the eclipse either. He'd pulled Sasuke so he could watch his face as he slept. Naruto had sifted his fingers through Sasuke's hair and basked in the joy of feeling that he was not alone, that he was part of someone else's life.
Then in his sleep, Sasuke's lips had twitched. Unguarded and obviously dreaming of happiness, Sasuke had smiled. Then he'd smiled again, a tiny noise, laughter, accompanying the smile.
A sob of joy had escaped Naruto. Such a wave of love and longing had filled him at seeing Sasuke's secret, genuine happiness. Tears of ecstasy had spilled over and he couldn't ever remember being this at peace in his whole life.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Naruto pulled out of Sasuke's mind and they just looked at each other for several seconds, clinging to each other.
"I wanted to show you that for a reason. Because I feel the same way." He put his hands on Naruto's cheeks. "Look."
XXX XXX XXX XXX
Naruto and Sasuke were in bed. Sasuke had maneuvered himself into a position of submission and Naruto could feel his struggle to get Naruto to take the hint and take control of him.
Naruto was always hesitant, not one hundred percent sure Sasuke could be happy being dominated. But as Naruto experienced Sasuke's perspective, he felt Sasuke's burning need for Naruto to take control.
Sasuke yearned to give himself over fully and slip into the world of pure sensation his lover was trying to create. But only with Naruto would this work. Only with Naruto would he feel utter safety. Only with Naruto could he disappear from the cold world and burn in ecstasy. Only with Naruto could he let his brain fog over completely, allowing his world to shrink to the ends of Naruto’s fingertips, the warm wetness of his tongue, the heat of his breath.
It was unfair, he knew. Sex, love, such as theirs could make one vulnerable. If Naruto would let him, he could completely vanish from the substantial world; Akatsuki could show up in their bedroom and he would die before he realized that he was even in danger. Even knowing it was unfair, he was asking it anyway, begging for it. He asked Naruto to give this to him. Because he was a taker. And Naruto was a giver.
Finally Naruto had decided this was really what Sasuke wanted. He wrested control from his lover's token resistance and made the world go away.
The utter trust and elemental love Sasuke felt for Naruto at these times bathed the blond in warmth and light. Sasuke’s joy and gratitude for this second chance, this freedom to be himself wholly and completely, with no judgments, no ridicule, burned in him like a living flame. They would be one now and always if Sasuke's breath and blood could make it so.
XXX XXX XXX XXX
This time when Naruto left Sasuke's mind, Sasuke was still in his lap, but his arms and legs were wrapped around him.
"Do you see?" Sasuke said quietly. "I love you and respect you and need you. There’s nothing I could see that would change how I feel. I think you're perfect and wouldn't change anything about you.
"Here's one final weakness," Sasuke whispered. "I can't live without you. So I'll do whatever it takes to fix this. If I can't have your permission, I'll just do it anyway and beg your forgiveness later."
"Hey, Dobe, how are you feeling today?" Sasuke sat on the edge of the bed and sifted his fingers through Naruto's hair. "How's the headache?"
"Okay, I gues..." His voice faded and his gaze lost focused. This happened frequently. Tsunade explained that he was probably have fleeting images from the right side of his brain that went nowhere because the corresponding memory on the left side was gone. She thought this would lessen in time.
"Can I lie with you, or do you want me to sit somewhere?"
"Uhm, can you hold me while we talk?" Naruto blushed.
"I'd like that." Sasuke crawled in the bed and wrapped his arms around Naruto, cradling the blond head to his shoulder.
This had become the routine, the deal they’d made. Sasuke had argued and begged. Finally he negotiated. Open communication was the card that had won the hand.
Sasuke and Neji would work to restore Naruto's mind and then Sasuke would tell Naruto everything about the memories that were removed and the real memories they’d also encountered. Then they’d talk about them if Naruto wanted. After that Sasuke would share an even number of his own memories and feelings, even if they embarrassed Sasuke, and even if Naruto didn't like them.
So, after each extrication, Sasuke would tell Naruto everything he'd seen, real and false. Then he would talk. And talk some more, about whatever came to mind, usually until Naruto fell asleep.
When they first started working in Naruto’s mind, it was so crowded Neji and Sasuke could barely work.
There was a constant barrage of harsh sounds, screaming and howling. Memories swirled and slid, crashing into them and each other. The two shinobi were buffeted by Naruto’s intense emotions as they struggled to make headway.
The overriding feeling in the blond was the desperate wish for death. Sadly, they were not surprised by this. Almost without exception, every active memory, real or false was bad. Also, they discovered how much physical pain tortured Naruto. Shooting bolts of agony speared through his skull constantly.
Their friend had spiraled into a permanent state of exhaustion, fear and anxiety. A huge weight of depression had settled over him and he just wanted everything to be over.
In the beginning, the two had to keep the treatments short, and they had to keep an eye on each other. One would invariably find the other becoming lethargic as Naruto’s sense of hopelessness dragged them into a pit of despair.
Then after the extractions, Sasuke would sit with Naruto and as he watched Naruto sleep, the sound of breathing and the feel of his hair under his fingers would give him strength. He would find his center; determination and hope would be restored.
One afternoon, Tsunade pulled him aside.
“Any clues as to who did this?” She asked the same question every day. He shook his head.
She nodded then said, “I’m worried about Neji.”
“Neji?” Sasuke looked across the cafeteria and spotted the Hyuuga. His own thoughts had been on nothing but Naruto for days and he was surprised at what he saw.
The other brunette was slumped over a cup of tea. His skin was pale and his hair hung in dull clumps around his face. He must have felt eyes on him, because just then he looked up. Sasuke flinched at the hell he saw in the other’s eyes. He recognized the look immediately; he felt it every morning after leaving Naruto’s mind. He recognized the effects of dealing with the crushing depression and the reverberations of the physical pain. He recognized the result of feeling the enormity of the task as well as the uncertainty that what they were doing would even work.
Talking with Naruto and holding him each afternoon helped ground Sasuke and prepare him for another round each morning. But Neji was going home to any empty apartment. His last thoughts each day were the horrific sounds of agonized screaming. His first thoughts each morning were of his best friend’s fervent wish for death.
Sasuke nodded at Tsunade. “I’ll see if I can help.”
That morning, after they had made an unknown amount of progress, Neji rose to leave.
“Hyuuga, if you have time, I think it would be helpful if you stayed.”
“How so?”
“I would ask another very difficult service of you.”
Neji looked as though he would balk without even knowing what was being asked. Since Sasuke knew that Neji would give his life for Naruto without thinking about it, he took it as a sign of the duress under which Neji was suffering.
“You may already know that Naruto has put stipulations on this course of treatment.”
“Such as?”
“Since I have access to his most private thoughts and memories, I am now obliged to dump my brain and heart out into his lap every morning to balance the scales.”
Neji smirked halfheartedly. “My sympathies. How can I help?”
“Naruto’s aware that you are also in his mind every morning. Since you always leave right away, I think he believes you have no further wish to be his friend.”
Neji sat up straight. “That’s not true. I was trying to give you privacy. To give you a chance to repair…”
“I know that. Perhaps under normal circumstances, he would know that, as well.” Sasuke stood. “You have already done more than anyone has a right to ask, but Neji,” he waited until Neji looked up. “He needs you.”
He felt badly about manipulating his friend, and indeed, Neji had become his friend, but the thought of him taking another day’s lot of tragedies home with him to his lonely apartment hardened his resolve.
“Join me. Us.”
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