Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Torrid	By : KageKitsuneXXX Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 4665 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 22
- 23
- 24
A/N: The first of the double epilogues is in da house, y'all! Complain not to me of tardiness; this was truly the best I could do. First off- major props to LL who was the only person, I think, to correctly guess the scene I referenced in the last chapter. It was the one where Naruto was chasing Sasuke right before the showdown at the VoTE. I put that scene down, flipped it and reversed it, yep.

Also, give a warm hello and welcome to my brace of betas- my BFF, Enma Ai (who wants you to stop by her profile and say hello), and my personal grammar Nazi, Snowraven17. If my story has been looking tidier and more presentable lately, you have them to thank!
The second (or 'true') epilogue is on the way. This one is some lighter fare to give you all a well-deserved break from all the heavy I've been dishing out. I am blown away by all the love and feedback. Here's hoping for a strong finish on my part! Please enjoy and, as usual, tell me what you thought!

It felt like hours had gone by. Sasuke sat on the floor, fidgeting, casting furtive glances out at the teahouse that ensconced his father and his unfortunate lover. He drummed his fingers on his knees as he kept watch through the sliding glass doors. At his limit, he slapped his palms down on the floor and scrambled up, determined to save Naruto from what could be a fate worse than death.
"It's been ages- I'm going in there." The indulgent scoff behind him was enough to give him pause before he slid the doors open and flew to the rescue.
"Naruto is fine; he can handle himself even if father is on the attack. Sit down and be patient; it hasn't been nearly as long as you imagine."
Sasuke stood hesitating, one hand resting on the door handle as he contemplated ignoring the blithe reassurance. "I don't know…"
Itachi sighed as he folded his newspaper and tossed it aside. He eyed his agitated little brother for a moment and contemplated his next move. "Sasuke, Naruto will be fine. I'm sure he has a plan in case father is on the rampage. Plus, I gave him some special tips before the meeting began."
Sasuke eyed his brother dubiously. "You have tips?"
His big brother gave a longsuffering sigh before beckoning Sasuke closer. "Fine, I'll tell you. They're really only for emergencies, though."
Hopelessly intrigued by the notion of Fugaku-management advice, Sasuke abandoned his rescue mission and scooted over to his brother. For his efforts and enthusiasm, he was rewarded with one of Itachi's trademark head-flicks. He pouted as he rubbed the stinging spot on his forehead.
"Amazing…almost thirty years old and you still fall for that." Itachi shook his head as he reached for his paper. "I guess it's true- the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Sasuke continued glaring at his brother while he retook his seat on the floor of his parents' living room and muttered under his breath, "No arguments there- you're still kind of a dick."
Itachi only grinned back sunnily in response until Sasuke found himself smiling back.
"I still can't believe you're here," Sasuke murmured quietly, scratching his cheek while he assessed his brother.
"I still can't believe I'm here." Itachi looked thoughtfully about the room before his eyes settled on Sasuke. "When I left this place, I thought there was no way I'd be able to come back, that the bridge was burnt behind me. When mother called me last week and told me it was okay to come home, I couldn't believe it. After I made up my mind to come back, I tried to tell myself to expect the unexpected- but I'm still blown away, Sasuke. Everything's so different…everyone is so different. Although- I did figure that if anyone was capable of changing things around, it would be you."
"I'm not sure I did much of anything," Sasuke mused as he stared out into the surrounding gardens of the house. "It's like when the landscape is altered after a storm passes. There was no controlling the storm, but there is also no way you can stay the same after it's done."
"Hn, so you're getting philosophical in your old age." Itachi smiled soothingly when his brother growled in response. "It's a compliment, little brother. I come home to find a wizened old man where I left an uncertain little boy. It's simply remarkable is all."
"Why did you leave?" The question was simple and direct- a part of Sasuke's fledging technique that he still struggled to perfect. It was the question he had avoided asking these past few days, and it was enough to fade Itachi's teasing smile and replace it with an expression of wistful regret.
"I never wanted to leave you behind, Sasuke," Itachi began slowly and softly while his younger brother looked on earnestly. "At that time, there was no place for me here. My views and the way I chose to live my life clashed with Father's ways and the rest of the clan's. The plans I had for myself were very different from the ones they had for me. On one hand, I felt like a caged animal, while on the other I felt like I was a weed choking the life out of you. I knew you weren't paid the attention you deserved, Sasuke. I just felt that the simplest solution for everything was to leave."
"It didn't get any easier," Sasuke pointed out succinctly. "And I still wanted my brother around."
"I admit that I didn't handle the situation very well at all. From what I understand, it might be a genetic problem." Itachi's lips twitched briefly at his brother's loud snort. "I was seventeen and not the smartest one at that. I was every bit as stubborn and unyielding as father was- even thought I hated that about him. By the time I calmed down enough to reassess, I was on a train, miles away from everything I knew. I thought it was impossible to come back. Even if my pride would let me, I doubted father would have welcomed me back with open arms. I know it wasn't the best decision. I'm just glad that it seems we've been given another chance."
"Yeah." Sasuke smiled gently as he gazed out at the teahouse. "You've got to love those second chances."
The two sat in silence for a while as the clock ticked loudly against the quiet of their surroundings. Soon, Sasuke was drumming his fingers on his knees again, his anxiety slowly spiking.
"Seriously, what are they doing in there?"

Naruto sat quietly, trying his best not to fidget or sweat bullets while the Uchiha patriarch calmly sipped tea across from him. Honestly, the man must have a bladder the size of Lake Biwa- for the past hour, the man had done little else than sip tea and utter the odd, stilted pleasantry or observation. The last spurt of conversation had been about the loveliness of the weather, and Naruto had to fight the temptation to run screaming into the woods. Sasuke had vacillated between severe threats and sweet cajoling in order to ensure that Naruto was on his best behaviour. Still, even with that in mind, Naruto wasn't sure how long he could last. The itch to do something damning and inappropriate was becoming unbearable.
Unbeknownst to Naruto, Uchiha Fugaku was stalling for time. He had demanded an audience with Naruto in what he could only describe, in retrospect, as an impetuously parental moment. From the minute he had made the demand, he had realized he was at sea about just what it was he was supposed to say and how he was supposed to go about it. The problem stemmed mostly from the lack of clarity about the roles in his son's relationship, and Fugaku would be damned if he was going to ask any questions.
Since his wife had given him two sons, Fugaku had assumed that his duties as a father-in-law would extend to a pair of young ladies. Apparently, this was not the case. However, it was difficult for him to break completely from tradition, and Fugaku felt something had to be said with the advent of Sasuke's renewed relationship with Naruto. Was he supposed to regard Naruto as a son-in-law and give the speech accordingly, as Mikoto's father had done with him? This seemed to imply that Sasuke was the wife- an idea which did not sit well with Fugaku in the least. He doubted Naruto would be any more appreciative if he treated him as the wife instead. He would have risked the offence if Naruto weren't the type who would completely disregard social grace and make his displeasure known loudly and forcefully. Fugaku sighed as he continued to stall for time. Longstanding Japanese tradition simply did not give any leeway for these kinds of social deviations.
"I promise to take care of him."
Fugaku snapped out of his reverie at the sincere statement. He looked up to find Naruto looking solemnly back at him.
"I know you have your misgivings about me and Sasuke being together, and I know there is merit behind it." Naruto paused briefly and gathered his thoughts to make his case. "We're a little better now: I understand Sasuke a little more now, and he understands me. What I'm saying is- we'll both do our best, so please have faith in us and give us your blessing."
Fugaku only stared back at the young man in silence for a while. He broke his gaze to look into his half-empty teacup before giving a soft snort of laughter. "I remember the first time you came to into my home. Sasuke was so excited to introduce us, but as always, I was distracted by other things I considered more pressing. You got angry about my perceived lack of interest and you berated me."
Naruto tittered nervously under the censorious glare Fugaku shot him and awkwardly shuffled the utensils before him. Fugaku continued his rather damning reminiscence, undeterred by the young man's discomfort.
"Five years old, if I remember correctly- you were five years old and you stood there like a man ten times that age and scolded me for not listening to my son. In that moment, Naruto-kun, you had to be the most irritating and unlikable being alive, not unlike an annoying mosquito one can never find to squash." Fugaku sustained his withering look while Naruto tried his best to slump into the floor. "Needless to say, I was not fond of you, and you continued to be a bane to my very existence well into your young adulthood. You got Sasuke into all types of trouble, indoctrinated him with all manner of headstrong, rebellious and ridiculous ideas. You convinced him on far too many occasions to defy me- successfully at that- despite the fact that as his father, I had his best interests at heart."
"Is…is this going well?" Naruto interrupted Fugaku's diatribe hesitantly. "I get the feeling this isn't going as well as it could, but that could just be my inexperience with parents' talking."
Fugaku cleared his throat forcefully and tried to regain his aplomb.
"As I was saying, before I was interrupted- that despite all of these things, you easily proved yourself to be Sasuke's truest and most steadfast friend. He was always able to rely on you even when he felt he could not rely on his own family." Fugaku allowed a brief but heavy sigh to escape before looking directly at Naruto. "For that you will always have my gratitude, and I only ask that you continue to be the person on whom he can always rely. You're a good man, Naruto, and I suspect one day you will become a great one. As long as you stay on that path, you and Sasuke have my blessing."
Naruto grinned broadly at the stoic man as happiness and relief washed over him. He didn't know what he and Sasuke had been so concerned about. Once you got past the formalities, Uchiha Fugaku wasn't so terrifying at all.
"Of course, it goes without saying that if you fall off that path and end up hurting my son in any way, I will use every resource at my disposal to hunt you down like a dog in the streets and make you pay. I don't care how hypocritical that makes me sound."
"That seems stern but fair." Naruto squeaked, as an overwhelmingly threatening aura briefly filled the room.
Fugaku smiled pleasantly at the flustered young man and returned his attention to his cooling tea. The meeting had gone much better than expected. He didn't know what he had been so worried about.

Hinata was a nervous wreck. This was entirely Kiba's fault, and she wished she could get her boyfriend to snap out of it. She was a wreck because he was a wreck. For the past week, Kiba had been little more than a pile of nerves as he readied himself to propose. Hinata knew what the deal was and sorely wished she could find some way to tell him it was okay- not to be anxious. He didn't need to do anything elaborate or fancy; he only needed to ask. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't figure out a way of doing so without letting it slip that she knew about the proposal. Naruto was in Oslo, Shikamaru was in Prague and Sasuke was far too painfully blunt to act as a buffer. Hana could be as unpredictable and wild as her younger brother, and Hinata didn't want to chance approaching her, either. With that, Hinata was resigned to simply enduring her nerves and Kiba's. Before long, Kiba was announcing that he was taking her out to dinner at a 'nice' restaurant for their anniversary. Then not long after that, Hinata was in the passenger seat of his car, shooting shy, furtive glances at his flushed face as they sped towards that insane French restaurant where her father had tortured them for hours.
Kiba adjusted his tie for the umpteenth time as the valet drove away his car. He flashed a smile at his blushing girlfriend and took her hand as they walked into the restaurant. With any luck, all his plans would soon come to fruition; he could only pray that the rest of the evening went smoothly. The maître d' led them to the table he had requested, and almost immediately after, their waiter, who was armed with his special instructions, appeared.
"Your best champagne, please," Kiba ordered hoarsely. The waiter disappeared to complete his orders, leaving the couple to exchange goofy, nervous smiles while the tension of the moment grew.
Kiba knew he needed to get a grip if the evening was going to be perfect. He would be suave and debonair; she would be swept hopelessly off her feet and would be physically incapable of even thinking of the word 'no'. He cleared his throat and prepared to regale her with his thoughts on her ethereal beauty, but then she smiled at him- soft, sweet and encouraging- and his brain collapsed in on itself. He could have hugged their waiter when the man returned with the chilled champagne.
The server extolled the merits of the bubbly while he poured, though his efforts went unheard and unappreciated. The minute he placed the full glass before Hinata, she seized it and downed the contents in a gulp- desperate to settle her nerves. It did not go down smoothly. She coughed and sputtered a bit as she set down her glass. When she blinked away the tears, she opened her eyes to find two horrified men gaping at her.
"What?"
Kiba looked frantically from her to the empty glass before rounding on the stunned waiter. "Did you…did she just…was it in the…"
The waiter only nodded numbly while Hinata looked on in confusion.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Hinata demanded, while the waiter peered into her glass. "What did I do?"

"I can't believe I swallowed my ring," Hinata groaned as she sat on the small examination table in the emergency room.
"I can't believe I found a way to screw this up." Kiba wiped a hand over his face as he stood leaning against the table next to his ring bearing girlfriend. "Who puts a ring in a champagne flute?"
"You didn't screw anything up; I'm the one who turned into a guppy and swallowed my engagement ring."
Before the debate could continue any further, the doctor came in, waving the x-ray. "Well, it's definitely in there!"
Clearly, the young doctor was never Sherlock Holmes in a past life. Kiba was too anxious to roll his eyes after Kabuto made his dramatic statement. "Is she okay? Is the ring gone forever?"
"Gone forever?" Kabuto asked incredulously. "What did she do- swallow it or blast it into outer space? Unless she's Gamera in a designer dress, the ring will be able to survive her digestive system and live to sparkle another day."
"A simple 'no' would have been enough," Kiba grumbled under his breath. "So, what now?"
"Given the irregular shape of the ring, it was fortunate that it went down without damaging the oesophageal wall- so inducing vomiting is out of the question." Kabuto eyed Hinata closely as he continued his appraisal. "It's too early to consider any invasive procedures, and you aren't having any adverse reaction to the metal. My advice? Just wait."
"Wait?" Kiba and Hinata echoed in unison.
"It will turn up…eventually." Kabuto smiled apologetically as he moved to exit the room. "I could prescribe something if you like, but really, I think prune juice will do the trick. Congratulations, by the way!"
The door swung shut, leaving the dumbfounded couple alone in the small room. Hinata broke the silence by finally erupting into a fit of giggles. Kiba could only look on disapprovingly.
"I cannot believe you're laughing at a time like this!" he chastised, while Hinata covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle her laughter.
"Hey, it should be far funnier for you than it is for me! Although if you think about it, my net worth has increased in the past hour," Hinata added thoughtfully, causing Kiba's lips to twitch.
"You probably wouldn't say that if you knew how much I paid for the ring," Kiba muttered. "Promise me you'll adjust this story for the grandkids and the anniversary parties."
"There'll be anniversary parties? I still don't know if there will be a wedding."
"Why wouldn't there be?" Kiba blinked as confusion and panic began to set in. "We just got engaged!"
"I wouldn't say that," Hinata pointed out blithely. "I may have inadvertently accepted your ring, but if I recall correctly, you haven't asked me to marry you yet."
"Oh…right!" Kiba finally got the hint and automatically patted his breast pocket- only to remember that the ring was already onsite and very much with his future bride. He stalled for a bit, trying to figure out his best course of action in order to salvage some semblance of a romantic, polished proposal. He stood looking about the bare hospital room, his mind quickly going over the failure of the evening and the failure of any of his attempts to be someone he wasn't. He then looked over at his girlfriend, who sat patiently waiting with four months worth of salary sitting in her stomach. She smiled the same gentle, encouraging smile she always did- the same smile she would always smile years down the line when he was being a spastic, insecure old fart.
Kiba closed his hand over the demure ones resting in her lap and gave a shy, lopsided smile. "So…you wanna get married?"
Hinata released a breathy laugh before grabbing him by the lapels to yank him into a kiss. She pulled away after a while so she could pat him firmly on the chest. "Honestly, I thought you'd never ask."

"Success!"
Sasuke lowered his newspaper and raised an enquiring eyebrow as Naruto barged into the kitchen.
"Just got off the phone with Kiba- the ring is out and on Hinata's finger where it belongs!" Naruto grinned triumphantly and flashed a victory symbol, while Sasuke grimaced.
"Ugh, I hope you simply chose to omit a few steps and that the transition wasn't that direct. In any event, Hinata will join Kakashi on my list of people with whom I shall never shake hands ever again."
"Don't be gross- the ring has been properly sanitized. I'm sure there isn't a cleaner ring in existence right now."
Sasuke snorted dubiously and turned a page. "Still, who would have thought that things would go down the toilet so quickly?"
Naruto tried to suppress his smile and narrowed his eyes instead in a poor effort to stave off Sasuke's twisted humour. "Don't start…"
"Start what?" Sasuke feigned innocence as he trained his concentration on the print before him. "I can't help but feel a little vindicated, though. All this time, you've been saying that I'd be the first person to crap diamonds on account of how uptight I am. Although- to be fair, you did state I'd need coal as a prerequisite. Regardless, your prediction was still wrong."
"Are you done?" Naruto asked drily as Sasuke raised his paper a little higher. "Not that I don't enjoy your periodic forays into disturbing toilet humour, but could we wrap this up?"
"I'm just saying…" The spikes of Sasuke's hair twitched behind the newspaper. "I don't even see what all this fuss was about. I bet that ring wasn't even close to being the most expensive thing to pass through her GI system!"
Sasuke was off and running through a flutter of newspaper with Naruto close behind. Later, the consensus was reached that it was the Naruto's fault anyway. He should have been finding creative ways to keep Sasuke's mouth occupied.

It was a week until the wedding, and four men shuffled into the booth at the Korean barbeque restaurant to discuss an issue of vital importance: the bachelor party.
"It has to be epic," Naruto averred sagely, and his friends nodded their agreement.
"Monster," Chouji added helpfully.
"Brobdingnagian…" Shikamaru murmured in accord with his friends.
"Now you're just making stuff up," Kiba accused blithely, and the two other poorly-read idiots readily agreed. Shikamaru only rolled his eyes, finding it too bothersome to refute the slander. "Shino is going to be so pissed that he missed all of this. How does he manage to miss everything?"
"Who would have guessed that running a flea circus would be such a demanding and exacting business?" Chouji mused as he picked up a sizzling piece of meat off the small grill.
Shino had long been of the opinion that his so-called friends waited until he was either out of the country or unavoidably indisposed before they did anything remotely interesting. Honestly, it was a small miracle that they even remembered what he looked like.
"Anyway, we've got to make this party count. Kiba's the first of our group to take the plunge." There was a brief silence as three pairs of eyes stared askance at Naruto after his erroneous statement. "Well, you know, I meant for realsies."
"I'm all for making this the party of the century, but I've been given some restrictions," Chouji murmured sheepishly.
"Restrictions?"
"I can't have cake…or strippers, or strippers in cakes, or cake-bearing strippers," Chouji admitted regretfully. "Ino's worried about me, so she's trying to regulate my blood sugar levels and the stripper content of my surroundings."
"I'd make fun of you, but Temari basically said the same thing." Shikamaru patted his best friend comfortingly. "Except I can have cake; at least I think so. I'll have to double check."
"Hinata was suggesting that we nix alcohol because I 'can't hold my liquor'," Kiba scoffed lightly. "Although- I did get drunk on cough syrup once and woke up in Akamaru's doghouse. So in retrospect, she may have a point. Maybe we can have a perfectly tolerable bachelor party without nudity, alcohol, sweets or…fun."
"I cannot believe what I'm hearing!" Naruto stared, flabbergasted, at the three shamefaced men. "How can you guys be this whipped without even going through legal proceedings yet?"
"I wouldn't throw any stones, glasshouse-dweller," Shikamaru said witheringly. "You expect us to believe that you got sanctioned without any sanctions?"
"I'm a grown man. I can do what I want, when I want!" Naruto sniffed haughtily, only to cave gracelessly under the weight of the disbelieving stares coming his way. "Okay, I got one rule about not coming within five hundred feet of slutty, t-shirt stealing bartenders, but that's it. Everything else is par for the course."
"What an oddly specific rule. What did you do to get that one?" Chouji was still being brought up to speed on the rollercoaster melodrama that his friends called life. His biggest struggle had been to feign surprise when Ino dropped the bombshell that Naruto and Sasuke were sleeping with each other. Astronauts in outer space could have told her that.
"It's a long story," Naruto began thoughtfully.
"He was about to rebound with this bartender from Sasuke and Sakura's wedding. Sasuke showed up and chased her off; however, he caused the hapless girl to inadvertently pilfer one of Naruto's trendy orange t-shirts," Shikamaru summarised succinctly before taking another sip of his beer.
"Huh, the story was a lot more involved and dramatic in my head," Naruto muttered to himself before remembering the pressing issue at hand. He slapped both hands on the table and stood solemnly. "Gentlemen, we cannot just sit here and let Kiba's bachelorhood simply go quietly into the good night! It is our responsibility, nay, our right to celebrate the way we want. A right we must fight for. Don't we deserve it? Are we not men?"
"I am so voting for him in the next election," Chouji whispered admiringly while Shikamaru and Kiba- who were far more desensitized to a sweeping speech- rolled their eyes.
"Or… we could get smashed after you guys rig the machine so I can finally reclaim my DDR record," Kiba suggested thoughtfully. "That pretty much circumvents most of the rules right there."
"What about the 'no alcohol' one?" Shikamaru reminded pertinently.
"It was only a suggestion, and besides, she's not the boss of me yet." Kiba's false bravado was immediately betrayed: "You guys would sober me up long before the wedding, right?"
His three friends quickly nodded the affirmative, and Naruto added his reassurance with a dramatic narrowing of his eyes and a lift of his chin. "Let's make it so."

It had taken a sledgehammer to persuade the ancient, malfunctioning machine to crown Kiba its conqueror once again. After that, it had taken obscene amounts of coffee, dunking and bathroom breaks to sober Kiba after his indulgence in a scandalous four beers. The man really couldn't hold his liquor. Still, by the time the groom was deposited at the feet of the priest, he appeared none the worse for wear. With Hyuuga Hiashi holding his tongue, albeit grudgingly, the ceremony was able to go off without a hitch. Before long, Hinata was officially an Inuzuka, and all the happy and relieved couple had to get through was the reception.
The part which was nerve-wracking for Kiba was the first dance of the married couple. In his desperation, he had turned to Neji for help, since his closest friends had been busy scurrying all over the globe. To his surprise, Neji had agreed to teach him how to waltz, providing that Kiba refrained from grabbing his ass. Unfortunately, between the facts that Neji still intimidated the crap out of him and that Kiba had to spend much of his energy focussing on not grabbing his tutor's ass, the lessons proved to be failures. Neji had declared the situation hopeless and had hobbled away to tend to his injuries. Ergo, when the MC instructed him and his wife to share their first dance for an expectant audience, Kiba was not a happy camper.
He kept swearing in his head even as Hinata led him out onto the dance floor of the silent reception hall. His dread heightened as he waited for the song to start, and then, just as he had imagined he would, he froze. Only, it wasn't because of the ridiculous Viennese-type waltz he had been fearing; it was quite the opposite. Unless he was gravely mistaken, it was definitely the 'Safety Dance' being belted out at full volume over the speakers. He stood dumbfounded as Hinata broke away and started to get down.
The 'robot' had never looked so graceful.
Naruto breathed his shining admiration as he watched the scene unfold: "Brilliant."
Kiba was a little slower on the scene, but once Hinata mimed lassoing him to get him to join her, he needed no further encouragement. Such was his relief that he would not be breaking his wife's foot in several places in some lame attempt at waltzing that Kiba proceeded to bust a move. To think that the doubters had scoffed at his finely honed DDR skills. That'll learn them.
The MC soon encouraged the guests to join the blissful couple on the dance floor. Using Hyuuga Hiashi's stupefied look of slack-jawed horror as a cue, the Hyuuga clan members remained seated, afraid to incur the wrath of their patriarch. As expected, however, there was at least one person who was either totally oblivious to the awkwardness of the moment, or outrageously dismissive of it. The person in question turned eagerly to his date.
"Sasuke, you want to…"
"Touch me, and I'll break bones in places you don't know you have," Sasuke cut in blithely.
"You really need to embrace the simplicity that is just saying 'no'." Naruto rolled his eyes and turned to Ino, who sat to his right. "Ino, you wanna dance?"
Ino, who had been having the same amount of luck with her obdurate date as Naruto was having with his, readily agreed.
"Hell yeah, let's turn this mother out." She stood and sent a withering glare down her nose at an unmoved Chouji. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going out there to shake what my momma gave me."
"I'd do it carefully," Chouji said drily while his girlfriend prepared to stalk off to the dance floor. "She didn't give you much."
Ino turned back briefly to deliver a swift kick to Chouji's shin before rejoining Naruto. Once in position, she struck her fiercest pose and centred herself. Clearly, the cabbage patch dance that she was about to do was very serious business. Naruto was content to simply glide around her voguing.
"That has got to count as some form of bioterrorism."
Chouji snorted and nodded his agreement to Sasuke's quiet statement. Shikamaru, who was one half of the only other couple at the table, stood and addressed his date.
"Want to dance?"
Temari almost spewed her red wine. "Really? Seriously?"
Shikamaru only sighed and rolled his eyes in response- which meant that this was a limited time offer. She quickly tossed her napkin and followed her boyfriend onto the dance floor. Who knows when Shikamaru would make such an offer again, if ever? Clearly he was supporting his friend, and if she could wrangle a few dances out of it, it was all the better.
At the head table, Neji was hiding his amusement behind his wineglass. His uncle sat gobsmacked at the three couples dancing heedlessly, attracting the non-Hyuuga guests into joining. The rest of the patriarch's clan still sat, waiting on some kind of signal as to how to behave. Neji looked over at his young cousin, who sat silently between him and her father, looking enviously at the growing crowd of revellers enjoying themselves.
"Hanabi-sama, would you care to dance?"
The young woman blinked at him in surprise before nodding emphatically. She snuck a surreptitious glance at her father as she and Neji rose from the table. The action was enough to snap Hiashi out of his daze.
"What do you think you're doing?" Hiashi snapped at them as Neji prepared to lead his cousin to the floor.
"Helping my cousin celebrate her marriage," Neji responded promptly. He paused briefly to lean down to his huffy uncle before walking off. "It's your daughter's wedding day and the happiest day of her life. You might consider adding to it rather than detracting with all this sulking. It's a party, Uncle. With all due respect, lighten the hell up."
With Neji and Hanabi now onboard with the celebration, other willing members of the clan milled onto the dance floor. The festivities were officially underway.

Sasuke had lost track of Naruto somewhere during the course of the evening. Not that he was ever really alone at any point. His time was well spent in the company of little girls and very forward old ladies, who were the only ones not terrified of asking him to dance. He was still surprised when one particular visitor sat in the empty seat next to him.
"The Hyuuga Clan is pleased that you could join us for this happy occasion, Sasuke. Enjoying everything so far?"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at his unwelcome guest and took a measured sip of wine. "Don't mistake this for admiration on my part or any such sentiment, Hyuuga, but you have got to have balls the size of full moons, coming over here and talking to me. I say this only because you don't seem to have any difficulty walking- a fact which, quite frankly, disturbs me."
"I won't stay long, since clearly it's that time of the month for you. Neither of us is here of our own volition, so we just have to make the best of it." Neji gave a longsuffering sigh as he prepared to do his duty. He checked the crib notes in the palm of his hand and also checked to see if his uncle was still watching with his eagle gaze.
Sasuke did not miss the look that passed between the two men. He had to hand it to the Hyuugas- they always had their mind on the bottom line. Hiashi must have been eager to put any rumours of a hostile rivalry between the two clans to rest. Such things made investors nervous. It would also explain why Neji chose to show up just when the society reporter was making her rounds.
"My uncle has instructed me to extend the olive branch to you, and by extension, your father and your clan. He looks forward to the day when we can get past our animosity and settle into a healthy, productive rivalry."
"I look forward to the day when I can be in the same room with you and not have the primal urge to bash your head in with a jagged rock. Hope springs eternal…"
"Indeed… " Since his instructions said nothing about trying more than once, Neji was more than content to leave things at that. He was stopped by what he thought was Sasuke's parting salvo.
"I'll pass the message along." Sasuke surprised and annoyed himself with this bit of capitulation. He couldn't help but empathise, having been the right hand man with the unsavoury tasks nearly all his life. "It was an okay wedding. Thanks for the hospitality."
Neji raised a brow at the unexpected civility on Sasuke's part, perfunctory as it was. It was clear Sasuke was starting to soften around the edges, although Neji would have been more surprised if he wasn't softening. Neji simply nodded and walked away. He guessed things had managed to get a lot less complicated.

It took some doing, but Naruto finally found Sasuke in one of the gazebos that littered the reception grounds. Sasuke was resting his head against one of the columns, trying to get the world to stop tilting randomly.
"There you are- lost you for a bit."
Sasuke took a chance and opened his eyes to look over at Naruto. He took an even bigger chance and flipped around. "Yeah, needed a break…"
"Yeah, I figured." Naruto smiled sympathetically and reached up to stroke Sasuke's cheek soothingly. "Thanks for coming with me tonight. I know this is one of the last places you want to be."
Sasuke sighed and gave a small, lopsided grin. "It's fine- anything for you."
Naruto blinked in surprise before doing a quick mental tally of how many glasses of wine Sasuke had had during the reception. "You're not just tired, you're drunk!"
"Pfft, you're drunk!"
Naruto only grinned harder and rolled his eyes. "You prove me wrong. Your sharp words cut to the quick, as always."
Sasuke snorted and pushed away from the column and flopped against Naruto. He knew his lover was teasing him and being a smartass, but he was beyond caring at the moment. He was chilly and woozy, and Naruto was always the right type of warm and steady. Naruto linked his arms loosely around the tired and pliant Sasuke and began humming and swaying slightly. If he wasn't afraid of turning Sasuke's liver into a rock, he would keep him inebriated all the time.
"Quit moving: I require stability. What do you think you're doing anyway?"
"You owe me a dance," Naruto reminded blithely. "You let Kiba's grandma grab your ass."
"You can't reject children and the elderly. I'd go from being standoffish to monster. It's bad for business," Sasuke reasoned. "Besides, I dance with you all the time- usually naked…and horizontally."
"I think we've also had good times vertically, and all angles in between."
Sasuke couldn't help but agree. "If you take me home soon, I'll let you pick the angle."
Now who could pass up an offer like that?

Naruto wasn't the only one about to benefit from some post-wedding celebrating. Since Shikamaru was making a clear effort to step out of his comfort zone to accommodate her every so often, Temari figured it was as good a night as any to show she was more than willing to do the same. It was in this spirit that she decided to debut her enslaved Princess Leia metallic bikini to the unsuspecting young man waiting on her bed.
"So?" Temari prodded encouragingly, while Shikamaru stared back at her, gobsmacked and wordless. "What do you think?"
Never had the duality of human nature been more evident to Shikamaru as it was then. On the one hand, he was touched- on several levels- by the effort Temari must have put in to track down the slip of an outfit. True, she clearly confused two very popular franchises, seeing how he was a Trekkie and not a…whatever the heck Star Wars fans were; but it wasn't as if he didn't like Star Wars too, and quite frankly, Star Trek could have benefitted greatly from a few more skimpy, metallic bikinis. He wasn't about to start complaining about her faux pas. Still, the meticulous fan-boy in him could detect at least four mistakes in the execution of the outfit in question. Fortunately, said fan-boy was much too intelligent and far, far too horny to highlight those errors.
"You look amazing, Temari," Shikamaru breathed appreciatively.
The young woman grinned broadly before closing the distance between them and pouncing on him. "Call me Princess Leia."
"In that case, who am I supposed to be? Han Solo, Jabba the Hut, Luke before they found out they were siblings…or Luke after they found out?"
"Whatever floats your boat the highest, Nara. I'm not picky." She covered his mouth quickly before he could ask another hopelessly nerdy question. "What have I told you about overanalyzing before sex?"
"That I'm going to think my way out of sex one day?"
"Exactly! Now shut up, go with it and treat me like a dirty, dirty princess."
Now really- who could pass up an offer like that?

Wanted- fourth member to round out our avant-garde string quartet 'Hebi'.

Must be talented, very open-minded and willing to push all kinds of boundaries.

Preferably someone with extraneous bone growths this time.

Not kidding…last guy was kind of a pain.
Contact Karinxxx-xxx-xxxx
Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he read the hand-scrawled note on the company notice board. He snorted and began to walk off, wondering how so many insane people managed to slither into his employ. He managed to get a few feet before he paused briefly, only to find himself backtracking to the board. He stood before the notice and looked it over one last time. He looked about him surreptitiously before yanking down the paper and stuffing it into his pocket.
You can't fault a man for being just a little curious.

Karma, Sakura decided, was a raging bitch.
It wasn't as if she wasn't trying. She had a cosmic debt to work off, she knew that, and she had been trying her damndest to do it. She was in therapy, she was making progress, she was on her way to being a better, stronger, healthier person. In short, Sakura was trying to get her groove back.
Still, there were these little things that seemed to constantly remind her that the universe wasn't quite ready to let bygones be bygones. Like now, for instance, as she was hurrying through the crowded streets of downtown, trying to get to work. After weeks of nothing but brilliant sunshine, the one day she chooses to wear her tan, suede boots- which had fit perfectly in the store, but were now at least a size too small- the heavens decide to release torrential downpour upon her sinful head. She continued dashing through the rain, praying she'd get to work on time and hoping the damage to her boots or her toes wouldn't be irreparable.
She got to the corner of the street only to find that the pedestrian crossing was hidden by a pond of water. She would have to hobble down the length of the block just to find a moderately safe place to cross the road. She reflexively jumped back as a car raced through the huge puddle, sending up a flume of water that just narrowly missed dousing her.
"Oh, come on!" Sakura appealed to the heavens in general. "When are you going to cut me a break?"
Her complaint was cut short by the flutter of fabric descending before her. She blinked as a trench coat floated down and came to rest on the puddle before her. Sakura could only stare at it. Did men still throw their coats on puddles to let women cross the street? What century was this nutjob from?
"That was so rude and reckless of the driver to speed like that. I hope you managed to avoid the worst of it."
Sakura turned towards the proper-sounding voice to determine whether she should thank her Knight in Shining Armour, or dropkick him before making a screaming run for it. However, when she stared up into the face of chivalry, she could only think one thing...
Those had to be the bushiest eyebrows she had ever seen.
TBC
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