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The More Things Change	By : Sushi4Brains Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 8511 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters, nor is any profit made from this fanfiction.

Chapter List
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A/N: For the tiniest bit of angst in this one I apologize in advance dear readers.
Wiping the slate clean … telling him everything
means reopening old wounds.
Tenzou seemed content; his hands cupped under his head, a goofy smile on his face ... not a care in the world.
What a blissful little idiot, you are, he thought.
Too respectful for your own good ...
always going out of your way making sure I’m not inconvenienced.
Threading a hand through his hair as he curled his body upwards; one last look at the man lying beside him with half the sheet draped across his waist and his legs crossed on top of the rest of the covers.
One blissful little idiot and one selfish, ungrateful asshole -
We make quite the pair, don’t we?
You deserve better, Tenzou; with that thought he almost put his fist through the pillow … twice … as he fashioned it into a backrest.
“Everything alright over there, senpai?”
“It will be in a minute.” Closing his eyes, he sagged against the headboard and sucked in a deep breath. “Konoha no Shiroi Kiba … the White Fang of the Leaf … he was my father,” he said softly.   “When I was a kid I remember people used to stop us in the marketplace or even inside the halls of the Hokage Tower; they’d look to him and then to me and they’d always say the same thing;
‘Oh, Sakumo-san, he said affecting a silly voice. “He looks like you chewed him up and spit him out’.
Pretty sure it was meant as a compliment. He’d always smile, thank them for their kind regard and tell them how proud he was of me.”
“Sounds like he was an honorable and handsome man, senpai.”
“Honorable … he was that alright,” he said swallowing down the lump in his throat. “And handsome … I guess.   Let’s just say I lost count of the women chasing behind him after my mother died.”
“He never remarried?”
“The Hatakes are like swans … we mate for life. But in his case, I’m not sure whether he wasn’t interested or didn’t get the chance. Little time for romance with a war looming on the horizon and a small child to raise. Anyway, it’s true I did inherit a great many things from my father - this hair, smile and physical build one other thing I can’t change; the same malady he was afflicted with.”
“The ‘anomaly’ you told me about before, right?”
“Right.   Funny thing ... my father was the sort of man who documented everything for posterity’s sake … everything except this.” Smoothing the covers at his waist, he mumbled, “Probably hoped it would skip a generation.”
“Still … you should be proud, senpai,” he said twisting onto his side. “I mean, despite his condition, the White Fang was hailed as a genius --”
“Genius and madness are kissing cousins, Tenzou … never forget that.”
“How can I?” Rolling onto his back again, he whispered under his breath, “I’ve been around you long enough to know that.”
“Yes, well; you see, our brains are wired in a way that makes us catalogue every negative emotion and we’re forced to keep ‘em on constant display like a main street convenience store.”
It was hard not to laugh when that silly voice came from the other side of the bed again.
“Bitterness on aisle one,
envy on aisle five … and look, Tenzou,
there’s a closeout on rage and shame today only!”
“Come on, Kakashi,” he laughed. “It’s not that bad, is it?”
“Yeah it is. However, if we can master that aspect of ourselves through nonviolent means it’s kinda like emptying the shelves and if we can do it consistently, there’s a chance we can we can live long and productive lives.”
With a snort, Yamato was sitting up straight. “Oh my gosh, senpai! Do you realize what this means? By the gods … you’re actually normal!”
He smiled and flicked Tenzou’s ear with his fingers the second he flopped onto his back. “That was for interrupting me. Now, as I was about say … if we don’t master that part of ourselves, it’s like turning a fire breathing dragon loose in a dynamite factory.”
“And as I was saying, that doesn’t make you make a monster, Kakashi.   Hell, … it doesn’t even make you special, so take that,” he said jabbing him in the ribs. “Learning how to deal with our emotions makes us human --”
“Your ringing endorsement of my humanity means the world to me,” he said returning the jab, “but I hadn’t finished.”
“Fine.   Go on then … I’ll be quiet.”
Cutting his eyes at his kohai, he knew the quiet wouldn’t last. But hey, we made it this far, he thought folding his hands in his lap.
Might not be so bad after all.
“Sure it’s safe for me to continue … you aren’t gonna jab me again, are you?”
Yamato tucked his hands underneath his armpits and shook his head.
“It’s like this … with the Hatake's in particular, when our emotions finally explode, they … for a lack of a better term … they split us in half. And once divided, they ultimately lead us by the hand to our eventual and very violent destruction ... like they did with my father; killed himself on the eve of his thirty ninth birthday.”
Suddenly Tenzou was upright again his eyes registering the blunder, his lips pulled into a grim line. “I heard he died in battle … I … I had no idea he --”
“It’s fine … that was the official story circulated by the Hokage. “I’m fine” he said more to himself then to the man beside him.
Shit! Never should have taken this path …
what if I don’t make it back in time?
It was already too late.
Instantly was he transported to that day the moment he squeezed shut his eyes; against his will, the sensations and images root him in place. He sees him … the proud and very happy eight year old boy, kicking off his sandals in the genkan; the light of innocence illuminating the boy's face. Stuffy breezes give rise to goose pimples as the boy took off running through the darkened house; the excitement in his voice as he called out for his father, knits row after row of knots in Kakashi’s stomach.
Running down the hallway, the smell of decomposing blood gets stronger as the boy nears the study; bile rises to the level of his throat when the child realizes the door to the study has been left slightly ajar.
Father always closes the door when he’s writing, the child thought. He must have waited up for me, anxious to hear the news of my first solo mission!
As the door creaked open, the little boy bolted into the room to see … Father … clad in a pure white kimono … rigor mortis left him curled in the fetal position on the floor, beside the low writing table in the center of the room. Next to the place he’d hung his regular jounin uniform with care, a neatly written death poem was tacked to the wall; too high for the boy to reach. His body trembled as the child stood apace and read aloud his father’s last words … it was a rambling apology for having left his only son behind.
Suddenly, the soles of his feet feel cold and sticky as he sees the little boy slosh through a pool of blood which surrounded the corpse. His muscles ached as the child pulls the ko-wakizashi from its lodging place deep within his father’s abdomen with all his strength.
A single tear slid down the left side of his face, splashing down against his chest as the boy stands over the remains; the helpless child's screams of pain and bitter tears make his skin crawl.   Echoes of the curse words which flowed like a mighty river from the little boy’s lips, ring down in his ears.
Numbness, not sorrow spreads through his body; anger and resentment erupt into a feral shriek inside his head, birthed out of frustration and anguish.
Hard to tell now, whether his body was trembling of its own accord now or if Tenzou was trying to shake some sense into him as he tried to turn away from the memories and the man at his side.
Yamato was on his knees, his nails digging into his captain’s shoulders. “Kakashi … senpai … can you hear me? Kakashi … you alright?”
“No … no I’m not.”   Blinking back the tears, he whispered, “Just need a minute to --”
“Damn it! I told you … you didn’t hafta do this, senpai --”
“Tenzou ... hush … please. It’s important you understand everything --”
“If this is how it affects you it’s not worth it!”
“You’re worth it to me,” he shouted.
One unguarded moment ...
truth revivifies both men as they move apart.
Settling down took longer than expected; by the time he’d gotten himself together, Yamato was sitting up, straightening the covers over his waist.
“Now then, if you stop interrupting me and I start over,” he said without asperity when he leaned into the pillows behind him, “all of this might make more sense to you.”
Yamato sadly shook his head and once again, he lay down next to his bullheaded captain. Why do you have to do everything the hard way, Kakashi? Folding the pillow beneath his head, he sighed, “If you insist on torturing yourself … take all the time you need, senpai.”
A weighty sigh broke through the long silence when Kakashi started afresh.
“Been a shinobi since I was five years old; jounin at thirteen, an entrenched ANBU operative by the time I was fourteen. After the deaths of my father and teammates, my sensei thought ANBU was the best way to keep me close to him. He gave me the code name, Hound ... you know, because of my summons.”
“Your sensei … wasn’t he the Fourth Hokage?”
“Sensei … big brother … savior of the village … he was all those things to me. When he died … I lost my final emotional anchor; withdrew deeper into myself ... kept digging out a dumping ground for all the pain and bad memories.”
With the agony still fresh after all these years, there was no way he could look at Tenzou now; too afraid of seeing the concern in those big brown eyes, knowing he’d clam up should his kohai attempt consoling him.
Last chance … gotta plow through it. “Giving vent to my emotions, I became Hound … a character that hid a scared and angry young man behind a mask of clay. I didn’t realize it then, but what I was actually doing feeding into Hound’s persona … making him stronger because I was so damn weak!”
“You were just a kid, Kakashi … like the rest of us were. You just found a way to cope with all the bullshit we --”
“I thought it was normal too … at first.” Suddenly chilled, he pulled the covers up to his neck. “Three back to back assassination missions landed me in the psych ward again; one morning, I woke up and saw Lord Jiraiya sitting at my bedside, he --”
“Don’t tell me he gave you one of his naughty books --”
“Course not … Icha Icha wasn’t even a series back then. Jiraiya was one of Father’s closest friends; he’d stood by him after my mother died, helped him navigate those dark times and watched him crack under the pressure when the village turned its back on him. Because of those experiences, he recognized the signs and knew exactly what was happening to me.”
Damn … just this little bit and I’m already exhausted, he thought as his pulse raced.
Gotta keep it together … almost done.
“Having the Sharingan made my situation worse,” he said with a fleer.
“Time out, senpai,” he said, turning onto his side. “The Sharingan? What did that have to do with anything?”
“You know of it’s ability to copy jutsu and such, but did you know about the curse of hatred that goes along with it?”
“Curse of hatred? Vaguely remember hearing about that in the Foundation … they blamed it for the Uchiha massacre, if memory serves.”
Running sweaty palms against his thighs, Kakashi went on to say, “Those born into the Uchiha bloodline slowly descend into madness because of Sharingan’s power. The negative effects of that dojutsu worked faster in me since I already had some unresolved issues with hatred. But getting back to Jiraiya … once I regained my strength and wits, he kicked the medics out of my room and brought in the elders of the Yamanaka and Hyuga clans to --”
“I know some of the Hyuga are medics … but the Yamanaka?”
“The last thing I needed was medic. The Hyuga traced my chakra network; he saw where it split off and turned darker inside my brain. And in that tiny space where I ended and Hound began, he guided the Yamanaka - together they erected a kekkai between us. Hurt like a sonofabitch, lemme tell ya. Hound fought against the separation with all his might --”
“Humpf … a sentient shadow clone … must’ve been a helluva fight.”
“Remember … he’s not just a shadow clone.”
“Yeah, yeah … he’s a curse too, I got it, senpai”
“Anywho … the day they released me from the hospital, Jiraiya and I went back to my family home with him. Hadn’t walked through those gates since my father killed himself … knew I had to do it anyway. We spent days sifting through the books in my father’s study until Jiraiya stumbled on a way to seal Hound’s persona inside my ANBU armor. It was a temporary fix but…”
Of course, Yamato thought, how many times did I secretly watch that transformation take place, never understanding the ‘how’ or ‘why,’ behind it - just thinking it was ‘cool?’ And how many times did I marvel over Hound’s ruthlessness in battle ... never understanding the daily struggle you hid behind that apathetic demeanor?
“ …   underestimated how deep my emotions ran and how tenacious Hound was,” he heard Kakashi say. “Threats against the village increased even as details for peace between the nations were being sorted out; Jiraiya took off and my missions resumed ... each one more dangerous and bloody than the one before.
The nightmares drove me back for more of Hound’s power
and as a result,
the kekkai between us shattered.”
He stopped himself in the nick of time; the intent of offering comfort, arrested before his arm fully stretched out to ease Kakashi’s pain.
“Good thing Jiraiya didn’t give up on me as easily as I did. Found out later he’d taken off in search of Lady Tsunade; by coincidence, he found her in Tanzaku Quarters - by providence, a mission gone wrong brought the three of us together in that place.”
“Tanzaku Quarters? Wasn’t that a town near the eastern border of Konoha and didn’t Orochimaru destroy it a few years ago?”
“Right on both counts, Tenzou.”
“Imagine that,” he laughed. “Lady Tsunade, holed up in a gambling resort.”
“I know, right … what are the odds? See this long scar here,” he said grabbing at and dragging Yamato’s hand under the covers and down his left side, “that came from a karambit. Hound's target, some crazed kunoichi fought him off and stabbed him up real good before he broke her neck and cut her heart out of her chest. And this one right here," he said drawing Yamato's fingers over the tiny scar under his left cheekbone, “this one came courtesy of Lady Tsunade.”
He wanted to linger; his hand under that of his captain, their bodies so close together, yet not touching. He knew better. Slowly, inching backwards, he returned to his side of the bed.
“The townsfolk knew Tsunade was medic-nin and since his clothing marked him as a Leaf ninja and his tattoo branded him as ANBU, they thought it best she treat him.”
“He must’ve been in real bad shape then, senpai. I can’t even remember the last time he let anybody take him to a hospital.”
“Believe it or not, he dragged himself there from the next town over ... collapsed in a bloody heap on their doorstep. Made the mistake of lunging at one of the female medics as soon as he regained consciousness … turned out to be Lady Tsunade. So on top of the rest of his injuries, he was spittin’ out chunks of plaster for days after she punched him through a wall.”
"Oh yeah," Yamato laughed, “sounds like something she'd do."
“Wasn’t funny at the time; cracked four ribs, broke my cheekbone, split my lip and my mask. That's when she recognized who I … rather Hound was. She cussed him out the entire time was patching him up.”
“Ah … that explains why he’s so respectful to her … she scares him shitless. Guess he’s not as stupid as he looks, huh? Oh, sorry, senpai … what I meant --”
“An angry punch from Tsunade would scare anybody shitless. Moving on ... Jiraiya spent a few days with her after Hound left; he explained my condition and pleaded with her to come up with a way to help me. She felt so bad for busting up ‘Sakumo-san’s little boy,’ that she worked for weeks developing the seals you saw me use tonight.”
“Kakashi … Hound said using them would shorten your life … was that true?”
“Hell of a side effect, isn’t it? No matter,” he sighed, “I’ve already outlived most of my generation as it is. One of the first things she did after becoming Hokage, was stockpile a mess of those seals in the emergency room, her office and Ibiki’s office. She gave me some too … just in case."
“So, does this mean that I … errr … we’ll never see Hound again?”
“Try not to sound so disappointed, and no, Hound will be a part of me until the day I die.”
“He’s a part of you … yet you refer to him as something separate from you. About that, senpai… how is it possible for him to be in the same place at the same time that you --?”
“Whenever I don’t deal with my negative emotions properly, if gives Hound more freedom to act independently. Remember that kekkai I told you about?”
“You said it shattered … so?”
“When they repaired it this last time, they made it so that it sucks Hound in another dimension; kinda like a holding pen for a rabid dog or a reverse summoning if you will.   I can call him forth or send him back there as the situation requires … the seals usually weaken him and expedite the process.”
“Is that where he is now … another dimension?”
“I honestly don’t know.,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.   “Usually when he’s sealed away, I can still sense his presence, but not this time.”
“Does he hafta come back here in order to --?”
“Yes. There are only two ways of forcing him back to where he belongs. Getting in touch with my positive emotions and verbalizing them or using the seals. The thing is he has to be in close proximity to my body for --”
“Well, why didn’t it happen when we had him tied down in the living room?”
“No idea … something’s definitely screwy this time, Tenzou.”
“This time? How many times did you have to use the seals?”
“Twice; back when we were in ANBU, he tried to kill me after a mission when I let a child survive. The other time … we disagreed about his treatment of you.”
“I see,” he said moving closer to Kakashi. “So that’s why you shared your ‘real’ feelings about me … thought it was gonna be your last hurrah, huh?”
Kakashi's rich laughter shook the bed. "Yeah, something like that.”
“Wow … I never knew any of this stuff before, senpai. I oughta thank you for trusting me with --”
He backed away suddenly.
“Sweet kami! You’re gonna bump me off now cause I know one of your deepest, darkest secrets, aren’t you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Tenzou,” he chuffed.
“You have any idea how much paperwork is involved with something like that?”

Notes:
Konoha no Shiroi Kiba: The White Fang of the Leaf (Village). Sakumo Hatake was a skilled and powerful ninja in his time. Kind hearted in his roles of husband and father, he was a ruthless weapon of war. But the village’s admiration of this great man turned to scorn when he abandoned a mission to spare the lives of his team. Sakumo killed himself to shield his only son, Kakashi from a life of shame and ridicule.
Asperity: harshness or sharpness of tone, temper or manner.
Dojutsu: ninja abilities that utilize the eyes; it refers to the eyes themselves or any jutsu dependent on their use. Dojutsu can be transplanted into others despite not have a genetic predisposition for it though it’s use places an inordinate strain on their chakra network.
Chuff: the sound of or like the exhaust of a steam engine.
Karambit: – a medium sized knife, shaped like a leopard's claw; crescent shaped, with a single or double edged blade. Used primarily as a farming implement to rake roots, gather threshing or plant rice. As it was weaponized, the blade took on more curvature to maximize cutting potential. It was a popular weapon among women who tied it into their hair to use for self-defense.
Kekkai: a word of Buddhist origin, commonly used in modern fiction to refer to a protective spiritual or magical force field of sorts; a barrier.
Seppuku: a type of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment; originally reserved for samurai. Part of their code, seppuku was voluntarily performed by samurai to die with honor because they’d brought shame to themselves.
Ko-wakizashi: short sword. Wakizashi closer to tantō length (5.9-11.8 inches in length) were called ko-wakizashi.^[5] The wakizashi worn together with the katana was the official sign that the wearer was a samurai or swordsman. When worn together, the pair of swords were called daishō, which literally translates as "big-little.”
Fleer: a derisory grin.
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The More Things Change