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Denial	By : djserani Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female > Kakashi/Sakura Views: 4298 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: As always, I don't own the world or characters, I just like to torment them. Kishimoto-sensei gets to keep them permanently. (I make no money from it!)

Chapter List
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They made it four days before anything was said. Three of them at her apartment and one at his. Despite their best intentions, despite the shift in their relationship, the strain was still there, it still showed. So Ino finally cornered her at the hospital.

Sakura was sitting in her office doing the one thing she truly hated about her job - paperwork. She was pushing the papers back and forth, her mind firmly on that morning in the shower with Kakashi when Ino came in.

"Okay, Forehead, spill." Ino plopped down in the chair next to Sakura's desk.

"I'm sorry?" She said, staring at her friend.

"What is going on with you?" She asked. "You spend three weeks looking like you're going to fall apart at any given moment. Then you go away on that mission for two weeks and you come back and you're barely any better. I didn't push before, but enough is enough. What's up?"

Sakura shook her head. "Nothing, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine."

Ino snorted. "You are so far from fine, I can't begin to describe how much." She sighed. "I'm not buying it, try again."

Sakura took a minute to gather her thoughts. She couldn't tell her. Even if she wanted to, it wasn't her place. "Nothing. I don't know what you think you're seeing, but there's nothing going on."

Ino stared at her. "Sakura, it's got to be bad if you won't tell me. Look, just tell me this, something is up, right?"

Sakura sighed and stared at her desk a moment, then nodded.

"Okay." She sighed. "Well, that's something. Can't you tell me what it is? What it's about, at least?"

Sakura looked at her friend and knew that Ino would do anything she could for her. She'd do her damndest to keep her secret, but she just couldn't risk it. It wasn't just her career at stake. It was Kakashi's too. "I�can't. I'm sorry." She fought the urge to cry. She'd gotten better at that over the last four days. But it was still always there, just on the edges.

"You're not sick or dying or anything, right?" She asked, peering at her and Sakura had to laugh.

"No, nothing like that."

"Whew. Okay, well, that's one thing." Then she stopped and looked at her again. "It's a guy. And I'm guessing it's someone that a lot of people would think is really bad for you."

Sakura didn't say anything and that was probably damning enough as it was. Too late, she said, "Ino, no. Just�drop it, please?"

Ino sighed again. "Okay, I will. I'm just�worried about you. Whatever this is, it isn't healthy, Sakura."

Sakura shrugged. "I can't say if it is or not. I only know that it's important to me and that I can't talk about it."

"I'll let it go. But�I'm here. And whatever it is, I won't say anything, I swear." She leaned over and threw her arms around Sakura. "Come to me and talk, as soon as you can, okay?"

"I�I will, Ino." She hugged her back then sighed. "I've got paperwork. Better get to it."

Ino made a face. "Have fun." Sakura threw a crumpled piece of paper at her as she took off.

They were at his apartment that night. As soon as the sun started to set, when the light was its most tricky, she headed over. And as it was the last few days, as soon as they got there, they couldn't resist the need to touch, to hold, to kiss, to be together.

There was a new routine they were getting into, but this one wasn't so bad. They'd eat then clean up the dishes together. They'd usually spend some time on the couch, reading or watching some old movie. And then they'd go to bed together, showing each other with their bodies what they couldn't declare to the world. They would fall asleep together, thrilled in the ability to do so, then wake up and shower together before they had to go their separate ways.

It wasn't the life she'd envisioned as a little girl when she thought she'd fall in love. But as she told Kakashi, she had learned that she would take what she could get. Despite the rule, the uncertainty of that, there was still the chance that it would all be a moot point and one of them could get The Mission, anyway. The one that they wouldn't return from. So, as hard as it was, she was grateful for what she did have.

"Ino caught me today." She said as she idly traced his ANBU tattoo with her fingertips. They'd just finished making love again, couldn't seem to get enough of each other that night.

"Oh?" He asked, nibbling on her neck.

"You're making it very difficult to think." She complained, already starting to lose what she was saying.

"I am?" He had moved down over her shoulder, now, and was currently torturing the spot right above her right breast that made her nearly insane.

"You�know you�are�" she gasped as he took a nipple into his mouth, his hand moving down over her body toward her legs.

"I would do�no such�thing�" he said between nibbles around her breast. His hands made their way up her thighs, teasing the sensitive skin on the inside before parting her and teasing her with his fingers.

"Yes�" she stopped, having completely lost the thread of conversation. He started stroking her sex, doing his best to drive her completely crazy. A moment later, she buried her face in his neck and shouted as she came.

He rolled onto her, entering her in one swift stroke, needing to feel her around him again. They'd already been together three times that night. The first was right after she'd gotten there. Dinner had gone cold and they'd managed to break two plates when he'd put her onto the kitchen table. But neither had cared, they'd needed it too much.

They did warm the food back up and actually eat, though it was more feeding each other and that got lost somewhere along the way too. But they'd actually made it to the couch in the living room at that point, so he figured it was progress.

They were currently in bed, settling in to sleep, though neither really wanted to. This was another part of the new routine. By unspoken agreement, they spent as much of the night together awake as they could, not wanting to give up the time it took to sleep. Eventually, their bodies gave out, but they pushed it off as long as possible.

When they started to calm down again, he rolled once more, pulling her with him and they settled in together, tangled the way they liked. "So, what was it Ino was saying?"

She laughed. "You are so not fair." She poked him in the ribs. "She knows something's been up with me." She gave him an abbreviated version of the conversation.

"I'm sorry." He said, brushing her hair back from her face. "It can't be easy to lie to her."

She shook her head. "It's not, but it's worth it. Anyway, I hope my damned emotions don't end up messing this up."

"Don't. It'll just add more stress to you." He tightened his arms around her. "With any luck, you've calmed her fears and she'll leave it be." He dropped a kiss on her. "Now, as much as we don't want to, let's get some sleep. You've worn this old man out tonight."

Sakura snorted. "Old. Right." She fell into a full-fledged fit of laughter. "Try that on someone else, it won't fly with me."

Kakashi just smiled. Now they could fall asleep. He couldn't fix the situation, but at least she didn't have to go to sleep sad.

--XX--

"Ino, come in here and stop wearing a rut in my hallway!" Tsunade shouted through the door.

Ino blushed and hurried into Tsunade's office. "Sorry!" She stood in front of Tsunade's desk nervously, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Well�?" Tsunade said, tapping her fingers on the desk.

"Um, well." She blew out a breath. "Um. SomethingswrongwithSakura." She blurted.

Tsunade blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Ino sighed. "Something's wrong with Sakura."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Oh? What's that? I'm guessing she's not hurt or you wouldn't be pacing my hallway."

"No, I mean, not physically, anyway. But something's wrong and she won't tell me and I'm worried and�"

Tsunade held up a hand to stem the flow of words. "Slow down, Ino."

Ino's mouth closed with an audible snap. She swallowed, then took a deep breath. "I don't know, exactly, what's wrong with her. But I'm worried, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade nodded. "Okay. Now that you're a little calmer, I can tell you that I already know this."

"You do?" Ino stared.

Tsunade nodded again. "Yes, I do."

"Oh. Well, what's wrong with her?" Ino looked really disappointed. "And how do you know and I don't?"

"I can't tell you what's wrong with her, it's not my place." Tsunade sighed. "And I've gathered information from some other sources."

"Oh. Well." Ino paused, not sure what to do with that. "Well. Um, I'm�sorry. For wasting your time." She frowned and turned toward the door.

"Ino?"

Ino turned. "Yes, Tsunade-sama?"

"She'll be fine. Don't worry." Tsunade gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." Ino said as she left.

--XX--

It was going to happen. It was inevitable, she just wished it didn't have to happen quite so soon. They'd only been home two weeks. Though, she should have guessed they'd gotten lucky, really. It could have happened even sooner.

"How long? Did she say?" Sakura was fussing with his clothes, re-folding the stuff that had already been folded to put into his pack.

"Just a couple of days. This time it really is a basic escort mission. Just me and a merchant on his way to the border village." He took her hands in his to stop her from refolding his clothes. Again. "I wish I had time for more than packing." He smiled. "Will you stay here?"

She nodded. She glanced around at his bedroom at the things that were his. "I doubt I could sleep at my apartment." She chuckled. "I doubt I'll sleep here." She went over to his closet and pulled one of his uniform shirts out. "Take your shirt off."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I don't really have time."

She sighed. "Not for that."

He blinked at her, then shrugged and took off his vest. After he unbuttoned his shirt and handed it to her, she gave him the clean one. "I don't need a clean shirt."

She rolled her eyes, blushing. "This one is for me."

Understanding dawned. "Oh."

"Right." She tucked it under the pillow, then cleared her throat. "Well, um�" she paused, then chuckled. "I feel like such a wife." She shook her head.

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her. "I wish you were." He brushed her hair back, then kissed her again. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

She nodded. "I know. I love you."

"I love you." He kissed her once more, then grabbed his pack and took off before it could get any worse.

Sakura sat back on the bed and picked up the pillow he'd slept on the night before, burying her face in it. She needed to get used to this. This was not the first time they'd be separated for missions. Somehow that didn't make it any easier to take.

--XX--

She didn't sleep that night. Not much, anyway. She wore his shirt the whole time and didn't take it off until she showered. Then she dressed and hurried to the hospital. At least she could be distracted there.

But when she got there, Shizune wasn't ready with her patient list yet, so she wandered to the cafeteria for tea. As she poured the honey and started stirring, she heard the brisk footsteps coming up to her. "Sakura."

She looked up to see Tsunade walking toward her. "Shishou!"

"You're past due for your physical. Ten o'clock today." She started to walk away.

"Um, but�my patients�" Sakura started.

Tsunade turned around. "Shizune can cover for that short time. Ten o'clock, apprentice."

"Yes, Shishou." Sakura sighed. She'd just been hoping to escape into work for the day. This was definitely not in the plan.

--XX--

"Okay. Well, you've lost weight." Tsunade said, looking over Sakura's chart. "Eat more."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "That's a new one."

"You don't weigh enough, Sakura. If you're not eating, you throw your system out of whack, which messes with your chakra. You know this."

"I know. Sorry. " She sighed.

"Now, when was your last period?" She set the chart down on the counter in the exam room and turned back to her.

But Sakura just stared at her. She had no idea. "I don't usually keep track of them. You know I'm really irregular. Um�" she turned to look at the calendar and started counting back. When she got to six weeks and still didn't get there, she stopped dead, the blood draining from her face. No. It wasn't possible. It had to just be the stress.

"Well?" Tsunade asked, waiting.

"Um�seven weeks, give or take."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember it usually being this late. Have you been under stress?"

Gee, Shishou, would being in love with a man I'm forbidden by law to love be stressful? "Yeah, I guess so."

"Why?"

Sakura swallowed, trying to think fast. "Well, the mission was somewhat stressful. And I wasn't sleeping really well for a while, so that had something to do with it, I'm sure. And, well, like I said, you know I'm usually irregular."

Tsunade gave her that look. The one that said she knew better. She leaned back against the counter. "Is that all?"

Sakura's heart was pounding. She'd never considered lying to Tsunade before. Then again, she'd had no reason. If she wasn't the Hokage, it might not be so bad, she might be able to tell her, at least some part of it. But Tsunade was shrewd and too observant and Sakura knew that if she let anything on, it could mean the end of both of their careers. She sighed. "Yes, Tsunade-sama, it is."

Sakura held her breath while Tsunade considered her. "Well, okay. If that's all. Lay back and let me check you over so you can get back to work."

Sakura let out the breath and lay back on the exam table, her mind a jumble. That had been close. She was going to have to watch her step carefully around Tsunade. This was getting more and more complicated by the day.

"Well, you look healthy enough." Tsunade said as she moved her glowing green hands over Sakura. "Go ahead and sit up." She said, then went back to Sakura's chart and made a few notes.

Sakura sat up, "am I through, then?" She picked up her lab coat and got it ready to put onto her.

"Not quite." She turned around and stared at her. "Sakura�" She sighed. "I know something is going on with you. If you want to talk, you can tell me. Anything. Really."

Sakura stared at her. She could have sworn Tsunade knew. But that wasn't possible, because if she did, then� well, then, she'd have to discipline them. Wouldn't she? "Um, really, it's just been busy and I haven't been sleeping all that well. I'll be fine. Thank you, though."

Tsunade considered her another minute. "Okay. Get back to work. Just remember what I said."

"I will. Thank you." She said and made her escape.
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Denial