Illusion and Dream | By : djserani Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1300 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! I make no money off of this! |
Genma tilted his head forward, letting the hot spray wash over him. He wished it would just wash away the confusing thoughts, but he wouldn’t be that lucky. The best he could hope for was that it would wake him up. Though he’d probably need coffee for that, too.
He’d stumbled in the door that morning after reporting in and showered enough to remove the blood -- most of which wasn’t his -- and the other uncontemplable stains and fluids from his body. Then he’d fallen onto the bed and managed to achieve blissful oblivion.
Unfortunately, that never lasts. Now he was awake again, and, regrettably, coherent. Which only meant that he was open to thinking.
He didn’t want to think. There were still way too many things he wasn’t ready to face, things he’d managed to put away and forget about until now. He didn’t want to deal with them yet, wasn’t quite ready to remember all of them.
He was seriously considering that once he dragged his sorry ass from the shower, he might just go down to the Kunai to make sure he still couldn’t think or remember. Then maybe, if he drank enough, he could come back home, crash back onto the bed and go right back to sleep.
If he was really lucky, he’d be sent out on a solo mission tomorrow and he could put some space between him and his best friend. And then, when he’d completed his mission and was on his way home, he’d allow himself to think.
No, right now, he didn’t want to think. Because thinking took him right back to the end of the last mission. It took him right back to the cave, and right back to having sex with Raidou.
He’d had sex with Raidou.
He still couldn’t quite believe it.
He would have thought that, after all the people he’d been with over the years, one encounter wouldn’t mess with him so much. But then again, that one encounter was with Raidou. The man he’d been in love with for so long he’d stopped counting.
No, he didn’t want to think about that. If he thought about anything, he wanted it to be Kotetsu, the man he’d finally committed himself to.
The one who was, at that moment, on a mission with his own best friend. Posing as a lover with that best friend. Undoubtedly kissing and holding hands and any number of other things. All with that best friend.
Genma shoved the thoughts to the back of his mind and concentrated on just Kotetsu. He worked to think of only his lover. Whom he missed insanely in that moment.
He closed his eyes again and brought the picture of the man to mind. Hair in spikes, devious grin on his face, those incredibly sexy slanted eyes. He could see the lean, muscular body and that tight ass. He could imagine the man’s lips on his. And he ached.
He sighed, shut the water off and snatched the towel off the bar, burying his face in it. He needed to get a grip. It’s not like he was never without the man. For pity’s sake, they’d been apart enough that he should be getting used to it. He’d be home in a few more days and with any luck, Genma could stay for a while, too.
He finished drying his face off then grabbed the senbon that he had waiting on the bathroom counter and stuck it between his teeth. He finished drying off and headed to his bedroom to get dressed.
And stopped dead in the hallway. Raidou was standing at the end of the hall, watching him. He blinked stupidly at the scarred man for a moment. "Rai?"
"I called out twice." Raidou’s voice was a bit rusty and that caused reality to settle more firmly into Genma’s brain, reminding him that he was still quite naked.
"Oh, um..." He blinked one more time, shook his head and continued into his bedroom.
"You okay? You don’t usually miss someone else in your apartment." Raidou raised an eyebrow at him from his position in the doorway.
Genma paused at his closet to consider his choices. "I’ve had maybe half a dozen people besides myself in my apartment since the war. All were shinobi and all invited. The most recent, of course, being you and Tetsu," Genma pointed out. "I don’t think even Iruka sets his traps anymore."
Raidou shook his head. "No, he doesn’t. I was talking to him at the Kunai about it. Which is why I’m here."
Genma looked up as he pulled his pants on. "Oh? You’re here about Iruka?"
Raidou stared at him. "No, I thought you might want to get a drink or something."
Genma considered him a moment. The last person he really wanted to talk to -- especially with lowered inhibitions -- was Raidou. On the other hand, he really did not want to spend the evening alone at home, either. He knew all he’d end up doing was thinking. About Tetsu, about Raidou and even about Izumo. He’d dwell on the whole damned mess and that was just slightly worse than drinking with Raidou and taking the chance that he’d say too much.
Besides, he couldn’t avoid the man forever. "Okay," he said, finally.
Raidou nodded and Genma had the feeling his friend knew what was on his mind. And he realized it was probably on the other man’s, as well. Genma knew he did, in fact, love Izumo. He’d seen the expression on the taller man’s face when Radiou was looking at the chuunin. It was one of the things that had hurt so damned much.
Until Kotetsu, he reminded himself.
He sighed and turned to pull his shirt on. "Have you eaten?" Raidou asked.
Genma shook his head. "No. Don’t really want anything, either."
Raidou had no answer for that. It was quite obvious why he didn’t want to eat. Food meant the alcohol would absorb more slowly. "Could use a cup of coffee, though," Gen said, instead.
Raidou let the sigh out this time. "Gen..." he started, but cut himself off at the look the younger man shot him.
Genma snagged a bandanna off of his dresser and headed to the kitchen. "If you don’t want to wait for me to brew one and drink it, I can meet you there."
"You know I don’t care."
He ignored that. "Want some?" He asked instead, sticking the carafe under the water faucet.
"Sure," Raidou said and Genma heard the careful tone of voice. He glanced over his shoulder at his friend, then sighed again.
"Look, I’m just..." he bit his tongue to cut off what he was going to say. Not sure I want to face the fact that we fucked? No, that wasn’t right because he knew that, despite the fact that they’d done it to deal with the shutdown, they hadn’t just fucked. That I don’t want to address the idea that it wasn’t just fucking? "Missing Tetsu," he said, instead.
And nearly lost his senbon when he saw the minor wince pass over Raidou’s face. He blinked at his friend for a moment then turned back to the coffee maker. He managed to spill water as he poured it into the machine and miscounted twice while he measured the grounds. The idea that he missed Tetsu bothered Raidou?
But... why?
He swallowed hard, flipped the switch to start the brewing process and busied himself with cups, spoons and the sugar bowl -- which, he knew, was the only way Raidou could stand the coffee. His mind was going in about fifty different directions, but it kept coming back to the same place. Why on Earth would him missing Tetsu have bothered Raidou?
Raidou watched his friend fight with the coffee and fought the urge to offer to help. He knew Gen needed to use it to get himself together. He wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind to help, anyway.
Because he was still trying to come to terms with what happened. He wasn’t entirely sure it had sunk in yet.
Though that seemed a little ridiculous because it was the only thing on his mind since they left the cave and started home. Which they’d done not long after it happened. Neither of them had really wanted to hang around. They’d decided in their own silent way to keep going.
He hadn’t slept much at all that day. He passed out for a while from sheer exhaustion. But he had the kind of metabolism that let him go when a lot of others quit. It was what made him a good bodyguard.
But it only succeeded in making him rather miserable today. There’d been very little escape from the constant thoughts and questions circling in his head.
He hadn’t been the playboy that Genma had, but he’d had his share of experience. Even after the scars, there were still other jounin and even a few of the ANBU who prowled the Kunai for partners. So he’d never lacked for someone to help relieve the tension, until Izumo.
But even Izumo hadn’t felt like Genma had. It was close, he’d give his boyfriend that, but it wasn’t quite the same. And that had been driving him damned near insane.
But what, exactly, did that mean? Was he wrong all this time to bury his want of Genma and go after Izumo? Should he have pushed harder, maybe? Fought for Gen instead of just letting him go?
How much does that matter now? He had another person to think about. And he did love Izumo. Just the thought of letting the smaller man go made him ache.
More circling. He sighed and looked up when Genma set the coffee cup on the table in front of him. "I’ve sweetened it for you," he murmured then turned around to get his own cup.
He didn’t sit. Instead, he leaned against the counter and watched Raidou over the top of the mug. Raidou took a sip of his coffee, nearly burning himself. He managed to not spill or spit it out through sheer force of will. He set the mug onto the table and sat back, Genma’s flimsy kitchen chair squeaking in protest.
The silence and tension hung heavy between the friends, frustration at their situation, at the awkwardness that had leaked into their friendship, underlying it. Raidou opened his mouth to speak with no idea what he was going to say when there was a knock at the front door.
Genma threw him a puzzled look and headed out of the kitchen. Raidou followed him just in time to see an ANBU nin at the door. "Namiashi," the turtle-masked nin greeted him. "Glad you’re here, too. You and Shuranui have been requested in the Hokage’s office as soon as possible."
"Thank you, Turtle," Genma replied, voice rough. The ANBU nin nodded and turned to Raidou to wait for his nod. As soon as it was given, the turtle-masked ANBU poofed.
Raidou and Genma stared at each other for a long moment. "It could be anything," Raidou said, not sounding one bit like he believed that.
"Right. It could be," Genma agreed. He turned and stuffed his feet into his sandals and snatched his keys off the hook with jerky movements.
Raidou put a hand on Genma’s shoulder. "Gen."
Genma looked up at him and Raidou was surprised at just how much fear was in his friend’s eyes. "Don’t tell me they’re fine. We don’t know that."
"No, we don’t know. But they could be. And this could have nothing to do with them." Raidou reminded him.
Genma closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then a second. Finally, after the third, he opened them again. "You’re right. Let’s go."
It took them less than two minutes to make it to the Hokage tower. If Tsunade was surprised at all by how quickly they got there, she didn’t let it show. She also didn’t waste any time.
"You’ll go home and change into uniform and leave as soon as the briefing is over," she began and they glanced at each other again. "We’ve just received some very disturbing information."
She paused and looked at each of them. "You need to keep a cool head, do you understand me?" She asked and waited for two heads to bob in curt nods. She considered them again briefly, then continued. "The intel we received on the River daimyou and those surrounding him is wrong."
Genma gritted his teeth around his senbon and he saw the muscles in Raidou’s arms tense from fisted hands inside pockets. He took a deep breath and worked to concentrate on the rest of her orders. "We were told that he didn’t trust ninja and, as such didn’t employ them. But we just received word from Suna about three of their missing-nin who were discovered to be working for him."
"Have..." Genma started and Tsunade shook her head.
"Not yet. But we aren’t expecting them for another five days, at the earliest. You orders are simple - stop them from trying to retrieve the scroll. If not, or if they’re already in the middle of it, assist them as needed." She paused and took a sip of something that was obviously not tea. "We’re only aware of three missing-nin, but I don’t have to tell you what that means."
If there are three, there could be more. Genma was well aware of it, especially after the faulty intel they had on their last mission. He glanced again at Raidou who met his look briefly before turning back to Tsunade.
"At best, it’s a day and a half to Kouyou. Take some civilian clothes, so that you can blend in if you manage to make it in time. Questions?" She looked from one man to the other.
"If they’re hurt, do we have to leave anything?" Genma asked before he could stop himself.
Tsunade again considered them both before answering. "No." She paused once more, then said quietly, "Bring them home."
They both nodded again. "Yes, Lady Tsunade," Genma answered for them. Every bit of his normally lazy appearance gone.
"Good. Dismissed!"
Less then five minutes later, they were changed, packed and through the West gates, on their way.
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