Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

This is Not a Game [Complete]	By : JaydenNara Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2210 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I profit from writing this story.

Chapter List
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Well, as promised, here is some brotherly affection, and history. I know are curious as to what happened to Naruto, and here is your first real glimpse at the whole story.
It seems AFF finally fixed the chapter uploader, yay!
Now to the good stuff.

Guilt
Sunday evening, hours after the funeral, Naruto, Itachi and Kyuubi sat watching a movie. As it came to a close, Kyuubi stood and stretched before reaching down to pull his boyfriend to his feet. "Were going to go grab a few things for dinner," he announced to his brother, hugging the raven around the middle. "Do you want anything specific picked up?"
The blond shook his head, but stopped, thinking better of it. "Pick up some tomatoes, purple onion, and mozzarella," he said, then added a please when Kyuubi made a face at him.
"Something for Sasuke?" Itachi asked curiously, knowing that Naruto didn't particularly like fresh fruits and veggies.
It was heartwarming that the blond took so much effort with the young raven even though Sasuke was so cold to the Uzumaki. The youngest Uchiha's attitude towards his own boyfriend was appalling to say the least, but to Naruto's credit, he didn't give up even when it hurt.
Naruto nodded.
A weak smile spread over Itachi's tired features. "I'm going to go grab my jacket," he said, turning and heading into Kyuubi's room. "And check on Sasuke," he added as an afterthought. The youngest Uchiha was yet to leave Naruto's bedroom since shutting himself in there when they came home.
"Was I the same?" Naruto asked softly watching the Uchiha retreat to the bedrooms.
"The same?" asked Kyuubi, a single eyebrow raised in confusion.
"As Sasuke," the blond clarified, turning to meet his brothers' curious stare. "Was I as cold and unapproachable, lashing out at you all?" He could remember trying so hard to be indifferent and push them away, but not hurting them, at least not on purpose. Hurting someone was never his goal, but Sasuke seemed to be trying to hurt everyone around him, Itachi and Naruto included.
Kyuubi was silent. In a lot of ways, Sasuke did remind him of Naruto.
Taking his brother's silence for what it was, Naruto bowed his head in sorrow. "I'm sorry," he choked out, overcome with emotion that months ago never would have been there. "I never meant to so much pain, but I didn't want anyone else hurt because of me. I thought that if I pushed you away, pretended that I didn't care, that you would be left alone, that you couldn't be used against me." The needless hurt he had caused was now painfully clear to him.
"It wasn't your fault, Nar," the redhead said, startled by this side of his brother, one that hadn't been seen in years.
Watery cerulean eyes looked up into an equally emotion stare. "I know that," the blond agent tried to assure, though more for himself. "I really do, but I can't help but feel responsible. That day, they were after me, not him, but all the same, he was taken as well." A single salty tear made its way down a scarred cheek. "He's dead because of me Kyuu," he forced out in a choked sob.
"NO!" Kyuubi almost shouted, wary of the others in the apartment. "Never say that, ever!"
Naruto gave a small smile. "You really don't blame me, do you."
The redhead shook his head, returning the small smile. "Not in the least."
Naruto stepped forward, his arms moving to encircle his brothers waist. The blond mop rested comfortably on the broad shoulder. "I love you, Kyuu," he whispered remorsefully. "I'm so sorry for everything I put you through."
Overcoming the shock, Kyuubi quickly wrapped his arms around the slightly shorter boy, returning the hug. "I love you, too, Nar," he murmured softly into the tanned neck.
They stood for a long while, lost in the familiar touch that had been lost so long ago. When Naruto had closed off to everyone, he rarely allowed anyone to touch him unless it was to welcome friends or family, or engage in sexual activity. Even then the blond made sure to never make it intimate, just a simple gesture, or a needed release.
The Uzumaki's managed to compose themselves, and were found sitting on the couch joking by the time Itachi re-entered the room. The redhead immediately jumped off the couch and hugged his solemn boyfriend around the middle. "Ready to go?" he asked, nipping the raven's ear, trying to draw out a smile.
"Yeah."
"How's he doing?" Naruto asked from his place on the couch.
Releasing a sigh, the raven hugged his lover back, resting his chin on the offered shoulder while looking over at the blond. "He won't even talk to me," he said sadly. The pain was obvious in the dark eyes, even behind the carefully constructed mask.
"Not even grunts?" The only answer Naruto received was a shake of a head before the pale face was buried in his brother's neck.
"Come on," Kyuubi said softly, kissing the Uchiha's temple. "You need some fresh air. Take care of Itachi-chibi while we're gone, Nar," he called over his shoulder, guiding Itachi from the apartment, the door shutting with a resounding click behind them.
The apartment was silent, almost eerie. Throughout the last week, Naruto and Itachi had tried hard to break down the angry defensive walls the youngest Uchiha had surrounded himself with, but so far it had yielded nothing. To a certain degree, the blond agent knew what Sasuke was feeling, and the harder he tried to deny it proved that he knew what needed to be said and done.
Standing outside his own bedroom door, he gathered his thoughts, readying himself for the difficult task at hand. It was time to force Sasuke to see the truth and give into his grief.
The door swung open with an ominous creak, and Naruto wandered into his bedroom to find Sasuke leaning back against the headboard, a book in hand. The boy looked relaxed, but if one took a closer look, they could see the tension running through the small body.
"Hey," Naruto called in greeting, sauntering up to the bed. "What are you reading?"
"Hn."
"This has got to stop S'uke," the blond said wearily as he sank down on the orange comforter in front of the younger teen. "The silence and monosyllabic answers don't cut it. You're hurting everyone around you, and scaring your brother. He's worried about you." A tanned hand reached forward, cupping a smooth ivory cheek, but it was immediately batted away angrily without even a glance.
If Sasuke had bothered to look, he would have seen the hurt flash through the expressive cerulean orbs watching him closely. Instead he continued to read as the pain washed over the Uzumaki, the blonds' chest aching with the rejection.
"Do you even want to try anymore?" the agent asked quietly. Relief flooded through him when the onyx eyes stopped moving over the page showing the teen was shocked and listening. "Are we even together?" He pushed, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
"Yes." The answer was so soft that Naruto didn't hear it; he only saw the small movement of the pale pink lips.
"I love you Sasuke," whispered Naruto, his eyes swimming with emotion. All he needed was the Uchiha to look into his eyes and see the pain he was causing. "I know you're hurting right now," he continued, trying to draw the boy in. "And I know your pain, but cutting yourself off from the ones that love you and can help you isn't going to do anything."
Sasuke closed his eyes and looked away. "Please leave," he asked, his voice held finality. He didn't want to talk, if he talked, it hurt. Every time he thought of his parents he felt the guilt clawing at him, tearing at him from the inside.
"This is my room," Naruto reminded the younger teen.
"Fine," snapped Sasuke. The raven climbed off the bed, book in hand, and marched out of the room, the door slamming behind him.
"Sasuke," choked Naruto, staring at the closed door. Steely determination filled the watery blue eyes as Naruto stood and stalked to the door, flinging it open as he followed the raven. "No!" he shouted, his voice shaking with the anger he felt. Enough was enough. "You don't get to do this; you don't get to push me away. You claim to love me, but you refuse my love when you need me most." He marched into the kitchen, watching Sasuke try to ignore him. "The sun and moon Sasuke, remember!"
Ignoring his shouting boyfriend, Sasuke moved around the kitchen collecting items to make himself a tomato sandwich. Despite his show of indifference, Naruto's words tore at him. Of course he loved Naruto, but the guilt was eating him alive. In his eyes, he didn't deserve the blond's love, and if these men were after him, the less Naruto was involved in his life the better, or so he believed. He had almost lost the Uzumaki once, and he didn't want to ever repeat that again.
As much as he didn't want to play this card, Naruto knew he had no choice. "Five years ago I witnessed the bloody murder of my father."
Sasuke froze in place at the counter, his hand tightening around the knife he was using to butter the bread. Never, not even once in the time that Sasuke had known the blond, had Naruto ever mentioned his father. The subject was taboo. Even Kyuubi avoided mentioning the deceased head of LEAF.
"He wasn't just killed," the blond continued, proud he came across calm and collect, though inside he was falling apart. Other than the questioning after he was rescued, he had never once talked about his past. If Kyuubi hadn't of been present during Naruto's debriefing, he would never have learned what had happened to his brother.
Sasuke was rigid against the counter, afraid of what he was about to hear. He knew this was something that Naruto wouldn't usually willingly share.
"My father was tortured," Naruto said, his voice only showing a slight waiver. "I witnessed every minute of his pain and anguish; I was forced to watch my own father suffer just as he watched me tortured and abused at the hands of our captors until they finally ended his life. I watched the life slowly ebb and finally leave his eyes, and I was left at their hands - alone." Fists clenched tightly as the agent struggled to reign himself in knowing it wouldn't do to lose control, not when this was really about Sasuke. "Part of me died that day," he said in a throaty whisper. "And I will never be the same."
By this point, Sasuke was fighting a losing battle with the tears demanding release, but he wasn't giving in yet. His pride wouldn't allow him to cry, whether it was for himself or for Naruto. Instead a tooth bit into his lower lip, and his mouth was filled with the coppery taste of his own blood.
Whether the message was getting through or not, Naruto didn't know, but he pushed forward in any case; the story was one that needed to be told for the first time instead of being kept locked away. "I was left in the room with his body for two days, the men continually came back to hurt me – to break me. To this day, I still don't know if my screams were for the loss of my father, or for the pain - the pain that lanced through my body as they continued all manner of torture." He choked on the last word as he forced it out.
Sasuke dropped the knife, his hands clutching the counter, his knuckles turning white in his desperation. "Shut up," he whispered hoarsely, barely containing the powerful emotions simmering beneath the surface of his cold appearance. He had wanted to know his boyfriends past, but not that he knew the truth, he didn't want to know any longer.
"I blame myself," the older teen said after taking a few deep calming breaths. "After all, they were after me. I was all they wanted, and because of that, my father is dead." He watched the Uchiha's shoulders shake violently as the boy wrestled with unfamiliar emotion. "It took me years to realize that it wasn't my fault, it was theirs. They were sick, twisted and perverted, and they destroyed you can't hold yourself responsible for other peoples actions, only your own."
Sasuke's entire body was now being supported by the counter, but he wasn't letting go quite yet, still determined to fight. Guilt was eating him alive as he listened to the story, to the blame that Naruto placed on himself so similar to what the Uchiha felt.
"When I first met you," Naruto said, his voice barely a whisper, and Sasuke had to strain to hear him. "I was a shell of a human being, but you, you saved me, made me feel again." A tanned hand came up, clutching the fabric over his heart. "What happened to your parents is not your fault Sasuke; it can never be your fault. You will drive yourself crazy with the 'what if's', but in the end, it makes no difference, they're still gone and you're still here." Cerulean eyes blinked away tears before the Uzumaki continued. "What happened – well, it happened, and that's never going to change. Do you think they would want you to live like this, pushing everyone you love away?"
There was a small lull in the one-sided conversation as Naruto let everything he had suddenly dumped on the boy sink in.
"I love you Sasuke," Naruto said, breaking the quiet. "And I will never abandon you, ever. You're stuck with me Uchiha, forever" he quoted. It was the line the raven had said to him the day their lives changed. Moving towards the trembling raven, Naruto reached out, wanting to hold the thin body in his arms and ease his boyfriends' suffering.
Hearing the agent move, Sasuke turned, his eyes wide and shining with unshed tears. Every emotion he had buried over the last week was surfacing and he couldn't contain them anymore. He ached with guilt, blaming himself for his parents deaths, but deep down he knew that his blond moron was right.
Naruto knew the pain, and wanted to help him, but Sasuke still didn't believe he deserved the love that was so freely given. His body was shaking as he backed up, hitting the counter behind him in his illogical attempt to get away from the advancing teen. "Don't touch me," he screamed, tears cascading down his cheeks.
The angry request was ignored, and Naruto pulled the small body to him. His arms encircling the trembling form.
Sasuke feebly fought against the hold, but Naruto only held him tighter. Soon he relinquished his pride and sobbed into the tanned muscle. He clung to the older boy, his entire frame shaking as he choked on heart wrenching sobs.
Comforting others wasn't Naruto's strongest suit, but he tried his best, copying everything he remembered others doing for him. His fingers were running soothingly through the raven locks, his other hand gently rubbing small circles on the other boys back.
"Just let it out S'uke," he whispered softly, his chin resting on the raven head. "You've been holding onto the pain too long."
Weak in the knees, Sasuke's legs finally gave out, his body collapsing into the blonds'. Naruto easily supported the extra weight as he lowered them to the ground, his hold around the distressed boy never faltering. They knelt on the hard marble floor of the kitchen, one quivering mess of a pale raven enveloped in the warmth of his friend.
Sasuke continued to howl into the others chest as he was gently rocked. Naruto never pushed him away or told him to stop. He just let him cry and sat there holding his friend while his shirt soaked in the salty tears.
When Itachi and Kyuubi finally came home, they found their brothers on the floor of the kitchen, Sasuke still sobbing into Naruto's chest. The redhead had to hold his lover back, preventing him from going into over protective brother mode. It wasn't what the youngest Uchiha needed right now.
When the distressed teen calmed, Naruto picked up his boyfriend and sat them on the couch, the raven cuddling into the warm body holding him.
Eventually Itachi managed to compose himself enough, and sat with them while Kyuubi made dinner. All in all, it was an emotional evening for everyone.

It was about one thirty in the morning when Naruto was rudely awoken by a slap in the face. Bolting upright in bed he found the source to be Sasuke. The small raven was tossing and turning violently beside him, his breath coming in painful gasps as he whispered pleas to be saved.
"S'uke," cried the blond, gently shaking the squirming body in an attempt to rouse the other teen. "Wake up, it's just a nightmare."
Onyx eyes snapped open as the pale body suddenly sat up, narrowly missing a collision with the worried blond. With a quick glance at the teen watching him closely, Sasuke let himself flop back onto the mattress, panting heavily. "I'm sorry for waking you," he mumbled, turning away from the anxious stare. He was ashamed to have his boyfriend see such weakness, especially after breaking down earlier.
Naruto lay back down on the bed next to the shivering teen. "Come here," he called softly. "You don't need to do this on your own, I'm here." He held his arms open, motioning for the raven to move to him.
Slowly but surely Sasuke turned back over and shifted into the tanned arms. It wasn't long before his face, skewed in pain, was pressed into the broad chest of Naruto. He expected to feel tears, but nothing came having already cried himself dry earlier. Instead, there was a dull ache in his chest, a gaping hole. Choosing to ignore his pain, he focused on the strong steady beat of Naruto's heart.
Naruto was anxious for the well being of the youngest Uchiha. This was the first time all week that Sasuke had let Naruto hold him consciously, and he relished in the warmth. They still woke up in the mornings wrapped in each other's arms, but the raven would always pull away immediately when he woke.
In his sorrow, Sasuke should be crying, screaming, even throwing things, but the boy did nothing. He just lay there in Naruto's arms, taking comfort in the older teens' body and warmth. He had cried at the manor, but it had been shock induced. It seemed as though Sasuke had been rejecting the loss, and refusing to mourn, trying to bury his pain, but Naruto wasn't going to let that happen. He had done the same thing, but he wouldn't let that happen to the pale teen in his arms.
"It gets better," the older boy promised. "Eventually the nightmares fade, and you will move on."
It was months before Naruto had finally slept a full night without a nightmare, and years until they stopped plaguing him completely. Considering that the Uchiha had managed to sleep through the previous week with no problems, the road to his recovery would be simpler. Chances were the nightmare was triggered by him finally accepting the death of his parents.
"You promise?" Sasuke mumbled into the bare chest.
"I promise, but for now try to sleep," the blond whispered into the other teens ear, his breath ghosting over the soft shell, causing a shudder to run through the small body in his arms. "I'll be right here, and things will look brighter in the morning."
Nodding, Sasuke gave in to his fatigue, and he drifted off to the soothing beating of a heart.
Sighing with relief, Naruto hugged the sleeping raven, pulling him into his body. All week Sasuke had been pulling away from him, not just physically, but emotionally. At first he thought it may have been a good thing; Sasuke would reject their relationship and he would be safe from the agents' life, but now Naruto was starting to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Sasuke needed his blond, just as Naruto needed his raven.

Naruto woke first, the small raven still wrapped securely in his arms. The pale body was partially sprawled across the blond, making the Uzumaki chuckle quietly at how affectionate the bastard could be in his sleep. Deciding to spare Sasuke the embarrassment, Naruto slipped out from under the warm body and brought himself to sit on the edge of the bed.
Looking back at his sleeping companion, Naruto watched the slow rise and fall of the bare chest before his eyes slowly travelled upward to the serene face. The boy looked almost angelic in Naruto's opinion, and there was little doubt anyone would disagree. Raven hair splayed out over the pillow, framing the pale face as the Uchiha rolled onto his back, one arm across his chest, the other reaching out to where Naruto was lying moments ago.
Sighing, the blond looked away, readying himself to get up and make breakfast. As he was about to stand, he found a long pale fingers wrapped around his bicep. Turning back around, he found himself starring into bleary onyx eyes.
"Naru?" the sleepy raven murmured.
"Good morning S'uke," was the cheerful greeting from the blond. "Did you sleep well?" he asked, and then mentally slapped himself upon remembering that the teen had a nightmare. To his surprise though, the Uchiha nodded.
Releasing the tanned arm and stretching, Sasuke sat up, regarding the blond curiously. After waking from his nightmare, the young Uchiha had fallen asleep to the steady beating of his boyfriends heart. The older teens presence had been soothing, letting the traumatized teen sleep through the rest of the night.
To Naruto's great surprise, Sasuke scooted closer to him and pulled him into a warm embrace. Shaking off the shock, the blond eagerly returned the unexpected so of affection, strong arms winding around the thin frame, pulling the boy closer. Maybe last night had done more than he thought.
"Thank you Naruto," whispered Sasuke, cupping a scarred cheek and leaning in to press his lips against his boyfriends' in their first kiss as a couple.
Naruto's eyes widen in surprise when he felt the light touch, before melting into the soft sensual kiss. It was unlike anything he had even experienced before, but just as quickly as it started, it was over.
Pulling back, Sasuke stared into the warm cerulean eyes to find only love and adoration. Unable to hold the eye contact due to overwhelming embarrassment, Sasuke averted his gaze and blushed cutely.
Naruto grinned at the gorgeous flush spreading over the pale cheeks of his little raven. "Was that your first real kiss, S'uke?" he asked slyly, to which the blush only darkened. Unable to help himself at his boyfriends' adorable response, Naruto pulled Sasuke into another kiss, this time longer and more heated.
When they parted, both were panting, but not heavily, and Naruto couldn't keep the silly grin off his face.
"Tch, moron," the younger teen snorted, but his face was still bright red. It had been his first kiss, and the most amazing experience thus far. To Sasuke's chagrin, the shit eating grin on the Uzumaki's face only grew.
Deciding to cut the boy slack, Naruto kissed the pale forehead and stood up. "I'm going to go make us breakfast," he announced, stretching. He grinned again when his noticed the raven checking him out. "I'll tell you about it later," he said when a slender finger traced the spiral tattoo around his navel. Ruffling the messy locks of the nodding raven head, he turned and headed out the door. "Stay in bed and relax," he called back. "I'll bring the food to you."
Within twenty minutes, Naruto returned with a small tray with a tomato salad, and a glass of water. Sasuke stared down in awe at the julienned tomato and onion, with the shredded mozzarella, in a vinaigrette dressing.
"You made this?" the raven asked incredulously, unable to keep the shock from his voice.
"Hey! I resent that!" But the blond climbed into the bed nonetheless and cuddled up to his boyfriend. "By the way," he said, leaning in and giving the raven a quick peck on the lips. "I love you."
"Hn." The Uchiha took a bit of the salad, and had to begrudgingly admit it was one of the best concoctions he'd ever eaten. "I love you to."

So, what did you think of their first offical kiss as a couple? Hmm... let me know. Also, let me know what you think of Naruto's past, and what you think the missing elements are since he can't tell Sasuke the whole story yet.
By the way, the tomato salad Naruto makes Sasuke is actually one of my own recipes, and it's really good. If you're curious, just ask me for it.
Well, that's it for this week. If you want updates on what I'm doing, just add me of facebook (Jayden Nara) and you'll instantly get access to story previews, and when you can expect chapters and stories to come out.
In the meantime, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. Please?
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This is Not a Game [Complete]