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Crossing Boundaries for You	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 12499 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make profit of it. Kishimoto owns it.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Author's note: I've had a bit of trouble writing this chapter; mainly the last part of it. I hope it isn't too bad!
Warnings: some angst; nothing else in particular I think
I hope you'll like it!
Chapter 20
Deidara's muted conversation with Itachi drifted upwards through the floor; the only sound breaking the silence between the two men sitting on the bed.
"Gaara? Can you please say something?" Naruto asked nervously, no longer able to stand the silence. After his call earlier today, the red haired man had promised to come over after dinner. Once here Naruto had told him everything: from Sasuke's unexpected confession to the sneaking around to the guilt the blond man was experiencing about all of this.
Yet the guilt wasn't big enough to make him put a stop to it. He just didn't know what to do now. So he had told Gaara everything, needing at least someone to be able to make sense of the mess he had created for himself.
With each second which passed without a word from the older man, though, Naruto grew more and more nervous and he started regretting opening up to his friend. Gaara was probably disgusted with him now and really, could he blame him?
Naruto was the lowest of scum, as simple as that.
The body next to him stirred and Naruto whipped his head to the left, staring anxiously at the green eyed man. He held his breath when Gaara raised a hand and rubbed tiredly over his forehead.
"Well, at least you found out why he kissed you back in the first place," he said flatly; the first words he had uttered since he had been pulled into Naruto's bedroom upon arrival.
The pregnant man groaned and thumped his forehead on his raised knees. "Not helping," he grumbled, lowering his legs again when the position became a tad too uncomfortable with his rounded belly.
"What do you want me to say?" Gaara sighed, rolling his shoulders. "You already realise this is a bad idea; you don't need me to tell you that."
Despondently, Naruto started twisting the strings of his sweatpants around each other. "You're taking this rather well," he muttered; his voice almost too low to be heard.
He had expected Gaara to either start preaching or looking at him disgusted before leaving. Instead his friend appeared rather resigned as if he had expected something like this to happen and therefore he wasn't surprised now.
That didn't exactly make Naruto feel better.
"Even if I reacted badly – can you look me in the eye and tell me you would give him up?" Gaara asked softly; his voice too knowing, his gaze too understanding.
Blue eyes looked down in shame. "No," the blond man admitted lowly. He knew he should give up Sasuke; there was no way this could end well, not with his best friend still married, not with the whole mess the baby had thrown them in.
Not with him being friends with Sakura. Could he still call her his friend when he was messing around with her husband? God, he didn't deserve her friendship.
"That's what I thought," Gaara murmured and then his hand slipped through blond strands and started scratching Naruto's scalp soothingly. "Be honest: do you trust Uchiha to tell Haruno the truth and leave her?"
"I …" Naruto closed his mouth and thought about the question carefully. He trusted Sasuke wholeheartedly, no question about that. Did he trust him to keep his word and leave Sakura? Setting aside for a moment the issue that he shouldn't wish for Sasuke to leave his wife, he decided that yes, he did trust the dark haired man to do that. Sasuke had never gone back on his word; once he promised something, he did everything in his power to fulfil that promise.
If Sasuke said he would handle it, he would handle it.
"Yeah, I trust him," he admitted after a pause and tilted his head back a bit, enjoying the soothing scratching across his scalp despite the sombre mood. "But I shouldn't want that, right?" He gnawed on his lower lip, feeling heavily conflicted.
"Shouldn't …" Gaara trailed off and gazed contemplatively at the wall across. "I'm perhaps not the best person to ask that. Frankly I don't really care about Haruno. It was a marriage of convenience, right?"
"Yeah, that's what Sasuke told me," Naruto replied, rubbing his hand absentmindedly over his belly. The baby was fussing around quite a bit now and he hoped the soothing motion would calm him down before he would need to use the toilet – again.
"But that isn't – I don't think Sakura-chan considers it to be like that," he continued haltingly, licking his lips briefly. "She – she's really happy with him. I can't - "
"I'm not an expert in marriages, far from it, but shouldn't both parties be happy in it?" Gaara cut him off dryly.
Cerulean blue eyes stared at him confused. "What?" Naruto asked befuddled.
"Uchiha only married her because she was his best option at the time. I still consider that to be an inane choice, but we both know that family has a few screws loose."
Ignoring the jab aimed at his best friend for the moment, Naruto protested, "That still doesn't mean - "
"If he really was happy with her, he wouldn't have fallen for you," Gaara continued serenely, acting as if the blond hadn't interrupted him.
While his heart skipped a beat at that declaration, Naruto still had trouble – even now – believing that this was all really happening. His automatic reaction was to deny. "Maybe he's just – I don't know, confused because of the baby. Maybe he mixes gratitude with this." He waved weakly at his stomach in which the baby firmly kicked, causing him to wince slightly.
"Are you trying to look for excuses? Or do you really not know him that well?"
It seemed that today he was destined to become confused several times. "What?" Naruto questioned blankly, having completely lost Gaara's reasoning.
"I don't know him as well as you do, but do you really think he doesn't know himself well enough to realise what he's feeling for you? He doesn't look like someone who would confuse falling in love," Naruto uttered a choked noise, "with feeling gratitude," Gaara finished firmly; his fingers lax against Naruto's scalp.
"I just don't want to hurt Sakura-chan," Naruto whispered, twisting the string of his sweatpants around his index finger. Guilt simmered lowly in his stomach as he conceded that it was already too late for that. Sakura would be hurt, no matter what, once the truth came out. Even if nothing happened between Sasuke and him – and it was too late for that already – once Sasuke told her he wanted to leave her, she would be the one dealing with the pain.
Was he really planning on hurting one of his oldest friends, because he couldn't stop being selfish?
A soft sigh left the man next to him. "I know you don't, but that is kind of inevitable at this point," he observed, tugging softly at blond strands when Naruto winced.
"Maybe I should just call Sasuke to end this before it can get worse," Naruto muttered forlornly and his heart squeezed in pain. He really didn't want to end things between them, not now, not after so many years of longing for it and finally having it, but he didn't want to hurt Sakura either.
"Why?"
Gaara's simple question made Naruto stare at him bemused. "Why? Because I can't hurt Sakura-chan like that!"
"What about you?" Gaara countered to his shock, regarding him solemnly. "Breaking things off with him – that would hurt you, no?"
"That doesn't matter, Gaara!" Naruto replied, rubbing a hand briskly across his stinging eyes. God, he hoped he wouldn't start crying now. "She – he chose her first, he married her and I can't come between them like that. It would be beyond selfish and - "
"If you don't care about your own happiness, what about Uchiha's then? He came to you. He confessed to you. He set this in motion, not you. If you break up with him – don't you think he'll be hurt?" Gaara raised an eyebrow, dropping his hand on the bed between them.
The pregnant man could only gape at him speechlessly; his mind completely blank. He hadn't … He hadn't thought about it like that. He had just assumed …
That it would hurt him more to end things between them than it would hurt Sasuke.
"I … didn't think of it like that," he admitted in a low voice after a pause.
The red haired man nodded. "I figured as much. It's okay to be selfish once in a while, you know. You deserve to be happy too. The happiness of two people doesn't really compare to that of one."
Naruto side-eyed him wearily. "Shouldn't you be discouraging me from continuing this?" he questioned tiredly, dropping his hands around his stomach to cup it.
Silence reigned for a while, only broken by the muted noise of the television downstairs. Then a hand slipped through his hair again and pushed his head carefully down on Gaara's shoulder. He went with it willingly, feeling soft pushes aimed at his fingers from within.
"I should, yes," Gaara agreed calmly. "I don't want you to get hurt, but if Uchiha can make you happy … Then I don't want you to give that up. You've been selfless for so long – you're allowed to be selfish for once."
If only it was that simple.
"Bad night?" Deidara inquired curiously when Naruto practically flopped down in the chair across from him the next morning. "You don't look so well, un."
Naruto grunted, resting his head in his hands. "Is that your way of saying I look like crap?" he muttered, but couldn't work up the energy to be offended about that.
He had been tossing and turning almost the entire night, only having fallen asleep a few hours ago. He had spent hours brooding, trying to figure out just what the hell he was going to do now.
On the one hand, he didn't want to hurt Sakura, but on the other hand he couldn't let go of Sasuke either. He didn't want to let go. A part of him, larger than he wanted to admit, wanted to be selfish and be happy with Sasuke after years of fearing it would never happen. Did that make him a bad person? Most likely. That realisation, however, was not enough to convince him to end this thing between him and Sasuke.
His mind had kept running in circles, torn between not wanting to hurt Sakura and wanting to be happy, and in the end his sleep had been restless. It had been with great reluctance that he had got up just now, but the call of nature had been rather hard to ignore – even if he had wanted to, the baby had made sure to let him know he was awake by kicking him right into his bladder.
Naruto was pretty sure the little brat got that nasty streak from his other father.
"You've looked better," Itachi conceded calmly, his eyes trained on the newspaper as he sipped from his coffee.
"Thanks," Naruto grunted, accepting his mug with Earl Grey tea from the older blond.
Deidara sank back down on his chair with a groan, rubbing his back with a grimace. "The baby keeping you up, un?" he questioned sympathetically, leaning back in his chair to give his belly some room. At eight months old he looked nearly ready to pop and he had reduced the hours he worked to around seven a week.
Without even looking up from the newspaper, Itachi reached around and started rubbing Deidara's back, making his fiancé moan in relief.
"Something like that," Naruto muttered, pulling the cereal box towards him.
"I'd say it gets better, but it'll only get worse," Deidara informed him solemnly, though his right hand was caressing his stomach lovingly.
"Thanks for the reassurance," Naruto retorted dryly, tilting the box towards the bowl Itachi had placed in front of him. A quick dash of milk later and his breakfast was ready.
"Are you cutting down on your hours soon?" Itachi asked; black eyes coming to rest on the younger man.
"Eh." Naruto stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, thrown off kilter by the unexpected question.
"Deidara started cutting down on his hours once he entered the seventh month and you're getting close to it," Itachi remarked; his gaze remained fixated on Naruto while he continued giving Deidara a back massage.
"Yeah, but I'm only teaching," Naruto pointed out blankly, twirling his spoon in his bowl of cereals. "It's not that exhausting. Besides, Jiraiya is still looking for a replacement."
The dark haired man furrowed his eyebrows. "How long does it take to find a replacement?" he asked bemused.
Blue eyes rolled. "It shouldn't take that long, but I have to make sure he hires someone based on their educational qualifications and not their physical ones."
Deidara snorted; his cobalt blue eyes dancing with mirth. "He's got his priorities, huh?"
"You could say that," Naruto grimaced, rubbing a hand over his belly when the baby kicked.
"Teaching can be very stressful too," Itachi continued relentlessly, ignoring Deidara who chortled amused.
"But I'm feeling fine! The baby's feeling fine too!" Naruto exclaimed exasperatedly, throwing his hands in the air. "Trust me, he's been using my organs as his own personal punching ball for a while now."
"What about the paint fumes? You're still painting and not only when you're teaching, right?" Itachi narrowed his eyes, clearly not ready to give up yet.
"How do you deal with this?" Naruto complained, scowling dismayed at the older blond.
Deidara smiled mischievously, patting Itachi's arm almost patronisingly. "Mostly by tuning him out," he confided into Naruto in a mock whisper. He serenely ignored the scowl his lover gave him at that response and continued thoughtfully, "Well, that and he gives very good massages. That's worth putting up with the nagging, un." He winked, grinning when Itachi huffed annoyed.
"I apologise for worrying about the health of my son, my nephew and you two," he snarked, closing the newspaper.
"Yeah, yeah, protective papa and uncle, we get it, un," Deidara said soothingly, but his smirk betrayed his real thoughts. "If Naruto-kun says he's feeling fine, he's feeling fine. He still has a while before he has to take up his leave, un."
"See! Listen to your fiancé – he's smart!" Naruto pointed at Deidara and couldn't resist sticking out his tongue at Itachi. Being older didn't necessarily mean he had matured completely.
Itachi shook his head and stood up. "You're both stubborn idiots," he informed them with a sigh, ignoring Deidara's noise of disappointment when he pulled his hand back. "I'm going to take a shower. Deidara, you're still up for going to the store?"
"Of course! We need to get that particular colour before it's sold out, un," Deidara replied and sipped from what had to be cold tea by now.
As soon as Itachi had left the kitchen, Naruto wrinkled his nose. "He's not going to whine about me reducing my work hours every week, is he?"
Deidara chuckled, brushing a strand of his hair behind his ear. "He just might. Wait until Sasuke-kun starts, un."
Naruto groaned, but something in him fluttered at the thought of Sasuke fussing over him like that.
He was so weak.
He looked through his lesson plans, trying to figure out whether he needed to add more notes for his future temporary replacement. Deidara and Itachi had left to the store to pick up some paint for the nursery they were close to finishing up. Hearing them discussing paint colours – more like Deidara ranting about certain colours while Itachi hummed agreeably – had made something twist in Naruto's chest and he had practically fled upstairs as soon as the front door fell shut behind them. He was trying to distract himself from the mess his life was slowly but surely turning into by concentrating on his lesson plans, but it wasn't really working.
His mind kept drifting towards the nursery next to Deidara's and Itachi's bedroom. It was quite beautiful already with a soft green carpet; a changing table; a small closet with several baby clothes already put inside and a dark wooden crib, containing a snow white stuffed bear, wearing a bright red bow around its neck. The walls were a plain white, but Naruto had heard Deidara discussing painting the walls in some kind of blue with one wall depicting a forest scene.
Deidara had shown him the nursery a couple of weeks before, brimming with pride, and while at first Naruto had just considered it to be a beautiful room, now the sight of it made him uneasy. All he could think of now was whether or not Sasuke was putting together a nursery with Sakura.
How long would he still remain with her? Would he leave her before the baby was born? Or afterwards? If that was the case, what would happen to the baby then? Would he need to hand over the baby still? His hands drifted down to cup his belly; a nudge was aimed at his left thumb to which he pressed back lightly.
His conversation with Deidara and Itachi during breakfast had succeeded in taking his mind off his problems for a while, but there was no escape from his intrusive thoughts now. What were they going to do about the baby? Once Sasuke left Sakura – would she still demand the baby to be hers? If so, what were they going to do then? What was Naruto going to do?
Could he …
"Holy shit!" he breathed out startled when his phone suddenly started blaring his ringtone loudly. His hands scrambled over the desk, pushing papers aside in search of his elusive phone, which kept ringing loudly. He was so sure he had placed it –
Ah, there!
Triumphantly he snatched his vibrating phone from underneath a bunch of report cards – and why on earth had he put that there? – and accepted the call hastily without checking the name blinking on the screen.
"Yeah?"
"Naruto!" greeted Sakura's cheery voice and he froze, feeling uncomfortably warm all of a sudden.
He hadn't spoken or seen her since he had kissed with Sasuke in their kitchen and he didn't know what to say now. She didn't know yet about what was happening between him and Sasuke. If she did, she wouldn't have greeted him so happily now and that only made the guilt stab him harder.
"Hey, Sakura-chan," he returned the greeting, forcing himself to sound normal. "What's up?"
"I actually don't have that much time to talk," she replied sheepishly and in the background there was the noise of her heels clacking against the floor. "I need to leave in a moment to start my next shift, but I called you to let you know I made a new appointment with Tsunade-sensei."
"Oh, eh, I didn't know I needed another one so soon. Baa-chan didn't say anything about it," Naruto remarked confused, trying to recall whether the doctor had mentioned something about a new appointment during their last check-up. He didn't think she had.
"Oh no, normally you would have the next one when you're eight months pregnant, but I just wanted to make sure that everything is progressing as it should," she answered lightly. "So the appointment is on the eight of June at one thirty. You don't have any classes then, right?"
"Eh no, not unless the schedule changes," he said, a bit surprised that the pink haired woman had just made an appointment without consulting him about it.
"Great!" she said brightly and giggled. "I can't wait for the next appointment! At seven months the images will be much clearer and I can't wait to see my son on the screen again!"
"He's not you-!" he cut himself off abruptly, staring wide eyed at the desk.
What was he about to say? Had he really just –
"Naruto? What were you going to say?" she asked confused.
"That's not – sorry, just a mistake I noticed in one of the essays," he laughed awkwardly and swallowed down the bile burning his throat. "The student apparently didn't really listen well to my lectures."
"I know someone else who thought the teachers' lectures were useless," she retorted teasingly and chuckled. "Make sure to rest on time, okay? Don't want you to overwork yourself; stress isn't good for the baby! I'll take to you later, bye!"
Click.
The sound of the call being ended echoed through his ears and slowly he lowered his phone, staring at it blankly. It laid so innocently in his hand. As if nothing life altering had happened whilst using it.
He's not your son!
That was what had been about to slip out of his mouth before he had stopped himself on time. Where had that come from? Since when –
Since when had he started thinking about the baby inside of him as his? Since when had he started despising the idea of Sakura taking care of his baby? At what moment had the thought of handing over his baby become terrifying? Caused nausea to fill him to the brim and his heart clenching with pain as he tried to imagine giving up his baby after the birth?
Oh god, his baby.
Oh no, no, no, no, no!
He shot up and left his room, down the stairs, and out of the house, no longer able to stand the pressing silence and his racing thoughts.
He needed to leave, get away, go …
Sleepy, emerald green blinked and gazed at him bemused. Then they sharpened as the owner of them realised who – and more importantly in what kind of state - was standing in front of his apartment door. "Naruto, what are you - "
"I can't give up my baby!" Naruto choked out; tears leaving a fiery trail behind on his cheeks. His arms protectively wrapped around his belly, looking like he wouldn't let go, no matter what.
He was so fucking screwed and he didn't know what to do.
All he knew, the only truth he was certain about, was that he couldn't give up his baby.
AN2: I hope I didn't screw up the last scene. I mostly wanted to convey the shock in this one, while the next one will go deeper into Naruto's thoughts about it. At least that's what I wanted to portray in this chapter ^^;
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
The next chapter will be posted on the 29th of December! See you all then!
Cuddles
Melissa
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Crossing Boundaries for You