The More Things Change | By : Sushi4Brains Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 8511 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters, nor is any profit made from this fanfiction. |
Twelve years spent apart … in which you grew.
Three and a half days spent together – in which, I regressed …
you allowed it and I promptly made a mess of your life… again.
As if it burned, he drew back the hand resting on Yamato’s shoulder.
Hound was right … the more things change,
the more they stay the same.
You were my one-time foe,
my years long teammate …
my friend.
And now, you can’t even bring yourself to look at me.
Now, I know what I have to do…
I know I must set you free …
free to live your life …
free of me.
***** ***** *****
The borrowed shirt constrained his diaphragm with every breath ... his knees ached, an annoying crick immobilized his neck at an odd angle; even so, Yamato would neither complain nor willingly abandon his self-assigned post. His body, ready to spring into action the moment his captain gave the word; his mind, unsettled … fretful.
This is taking too long, he kept thinking. The number of pills ingested, the amount of time elapsed … why hasn’t his condition improved?
A roll of the shoulders eased the spasms in his back and to his previous position he returned; head bowed, hands folded in his lap.
Should I stay put a while longer?
Should I scoop him up and make a beeline for the hospital?
“The first one,” grumbled the analytical side of his brain. "
And while we're waiting for him to snap out of it, what say we face facts? Our captain is a dunderhead. You know why he's been mentally checked out since we walked in here? Take a good look at him."
Yamato chanced a glance upward – immediately angered by what he saw.
"Didn't Hound say, use of those seals would shave years off his life?"
It was true. Kakashi looked like one of those geezers sitting alone in the park, lost inside his own little world, talking gibberish to himself. On the upside, there was a simple way of handling this situation, but it was gonna hurt like hell. On the upside, there was a simple way of handling this situation, but it was gonna hurt like hell.
"Kakashi ... senpai ... it's me ... Tenzou, he said, cautiously stretching out his arm. We have to shut this thing down."
The sound of bones snapping … the sensation of tendons ripping from their points of origin - that’s what he expected when he raised his hand toward Kakashi’s face.
But as soon as the wildly spinning Sharingan was covered, a mournful sigh and a shaky breath of thanks were the only things he got. A chilly hand overlaid his, guiding it gently away from the haggard face and pressing it palm down on a trembling knee.
Whew!
Without warning, however, that same gentle hand shot up, stopping itself shy of his throat once more.
Yamato braced himself … waiting for the inevitable.
And as he did, it was like watching a weird tug of war. Pale appendages, hovering millimeters from his face as they rose to the level of his lips, touching and yet not touching them - threatening asphyxiation as they froze over his nose, yet daring a caress. At last, they hatchel through the wispy hairs covering his forehead. Hesitantly moving to the crown of his head, they linger, lovingly petting him as a master would a loyal canine.
No offense meant, nor taken …
it was just Kakashi’s way.
Soon thereafter, those graceless fingers card through the thicket of soft brown hair and Yamato found himself leaning into the caress.
***** ***** *****
Beneath his fingertips, something warm … velvety … tangible, tethered him to this plane, pulling him back from a place far away. The return of reason left him in awe of the control he now had over his instincts. Up until this very moment, Kakashi cared nothing for the harm he was doing himself nor did he realize the anxiety his actions aroused, until he heard Tenzou say,
“Seriously, senpai, it’s like trying to put out a building fire with a turkey baster. If you keep this thing open, it’ll delay your recovery and waste what's left of your chakra.”
A conscious effort expended, yet his fingers would not do what he wished. What he hoped would communicate his gratitude, instead became a gesture that kept his kohai in his rightful place … on his knees before him.
Shit! Will I never get this right?
Looking into those warm eyes of brown, so full of hope and apprehension, he thought, Perhaps to you, this does look like delay and waste. And perhaps, in the end … that’s what it actually is. Never before have I been so out of touch with that part of myself, he thought as he patted at Tenzou’s head. And as frightening as it is to you, for me … it’s terrifying.
Though Hound’s absence has given me a freedom I haven’t felt in years - it’s also blasted a hole clean through my identity. But how can I expect you to understand?
As his fingers rake through silky hair, gently massaging a tense scalp, he kept thinking;
Tenzou … my Tenzou.
What would I do without you?
How I wish I could make you see why…
why I have to keep on trying …
why I have to be absolutely certain Hound is no longer a threat.
I know no other way but this.
Torrents of chakra, discharged from my body … they’ll act as a heliograph for Hound. The weaker these torrents become, the stronger Hound's will to survive. Lured back to the place where he belongs, the chakra he’s stolen will funnel itself into my body; only then can I lock him away.
***** ***** *****
“Senpai, we have to make a decision … quickly.”
Disentangling his fingers, Kakashi reared back, his hands at his sides, his eye skimming over the other man’s body. “Right,” he said, “but first things first.”
Yamato leaned in closer, anxious to hear … eager to obey.
“Take off that uniform … you look ridiculous.”
Confused and slightly peeved, Yamato looked down at the expanse of skin not covered by the bunched up shirt.
“Not my fault I’m broad-chested and you aren’t,” he huffed, fumbling with the button digging into his rib cage. “Never mind this … what are we going to do about Hound?”
Kakashi focused his attention on the place where an angry red line bisected Tenzou’s chest. “I’m working on something even as we speak. In the meantime,” he said with a wink, “what say you help me get my pants off and climb in bed with me?”
And …we’re off, he thought when Tenzou predictably recoiled in shock.
Cue the blush, exaggerated eye rolls and angry exhales of breath
in three … two … one –
“Can you be serious for like … two seconds, Kakashi?”
“Of course … but I'd rather we were both naked.”
That scarlet blush shot higher up Tenzou’s cheeks. Yeah, red was definitely a good color on him.
At last, Yamato ceded victory to the infernal fastener. “Fine, since Hound swiped your sense of propriety before he left, and since I’m in no mood for your foolishness,” he said scampering to his feet, “I’m outta here!”
Watching his kohai beat a stiff-legged retreat to the door, Kakashi maintained a poker face; he even acted surprised when Yamato turned himself about as he knew he would.
“If you wanna treat your health like a joke, senpai … that’s on you. Just don’t expect me to stick around and --”
“You know I never joke, especially about important things, Tenzou. And while I find the idea of having your hot naked body pressed against mine appealing … truth is, what I really need is your body heat.”
“So help me, Kakashi --”
“If only you’d storm back over here and touch me ... you’d realize I’m freezing cold. Surely you haven’t forgotten how chakra restoratives work… have you?”
Pfft! It’s basic shinobi knowledge, he thought when he let go the door handle. “Who doesn’t know that they move through the circulatory system faster when a body is --”
Oh crap!
“Beg your pardon?” Kakashi said cupping his ear. “What was that last part?”
“You’re an ass,” he said without malice. “And no, I haven’t forgotten that chakra restoratives move through the circulatory system faster when a body is nearer its euthermic range.” He took a few steps away from the door. “Why didn’t you just say that in the first place, senpai?”
“When have I ever passed up a chance to give you a hard time?”
“Never,” he sighed. “So happy the elevation of my blood pressure gives you the giggles.” Undoing the last three buttons on the shirt and peeling it from his body, he let it slip to the floor. And after a few seconds wriggling, the pants joined the shirt. Once again, he found himself naked, kneeling before this smirking man; his hands sallying up cloth covered legs and scudding over the bulge at his captain’s crotch.
And here I thought things couldn’t get more awkward …
Kakashi was leaning back on his elbows with a cheesy grin on his lips and a lustful twinkle in his eye. Oh good lord … this is like a scene from a bad porno flick, he thought when his hand crept inside the waistband of the pants. If he isn’t wearing underwear, I can pass my actions off as protecting his short and curlies from the zipper’s teeth. Then again, if he is wearing underwear … he’ll never let this pass without commentary. Hell, knowing Kakashi's sense of humor, this gesture might be the talk of the jounin apartment complex for months; I can hear it now -
‘Keep an eye on that Yamato character ... I heard he
copped a feel on his incapacitated squad leader
– who knew he was such a pervert? ’
He held his breath and grit his teeth when his palm settled unobstructed, into a snuggery of grey hairs.
Thank god … at least I didn’t accidentally grab his cock.
He forced himself not to dwell on that nor on the provocative way his senpai shimmied as the dark blue fabric rolled over sharply defined hipbones. He damn near wrenched his neck, looking away from the semi-hard cock, cradled at the juncture of his pelvis and an ivory thigh. As he yanked the material over bony knees, Kakashi suddenly twisted his body, rolling onto his stomach … purposely flexing every muscle in his back, legs and those smooth, perfectly rounded butt cheeks. He made a show of pulling at the comforter and linens, while he inched his way toward the head of the bed. And then, lickety-split, he was between the sheets, snagging one of the pillows and folding it up under his neck.
"Oi, Tenzou …if you hop in right now, I'll let you be the 'big' spoon.”
He tried not to lose his temper … he really did.
Digging his nails into his kneecaps, kept reflexive wild gestures to a minimum; focusing on the alarm clock above Kakashi’s head, prevented direct eye contact. Nevertheless, the irritation rising within found vent in the tone of his voice.
“With all due respect, sir, I'm not hopping anywhere until I know what we’re gonna do about Hound."
“Oh, that ... it's simple," Kakashi explained. First, we wait ... second we pray, that those chakra pills haven't passed their expiration and that they kick in before Hound kicks down the door "
So much for being polite.
With arms akimbo and eyes narrowed like slits, he echoed -
“We wait ... and pray? That’s it?”
“Yep. Now do get a move on ... I’ll never warm up with you sitting all the way over there."
How the hell can he be so calm?
Has he been lying about Hound since we came into the bedroom? Damn it!
He was on his feet, yelling and cursing before he could censure himself.
“Unbelievable! This is … you are … unfreakin’ believable! The fuck, Kakashi!” Leveling a threatening glare, he pointed a shaking finger at the lounging man. “We’re in the middle of a bad situation here … or so you say. Quit dickin’ around!”
He was pacing alongside the bed now. “A few minutes ago, you were all wild eyed and breathless,
‘Hound is coming after us’, you said.
Now listen at ya… going on with all this bullshit as if --”
“Tenzou! What the hell is your problem?” Kakashi propped himself up on his elbow. “It’s not like we’ve never done this before --”
“Yeah … well, we weren't buck naked-- ”
“Seriously? How many times have we bathed together … stitched up wounds on each other … hell, less than an hour ago I gave you a hand job and now you're shy?”
“Please,” he spluttered. “Ten minutes ago, you had no idea how and when we got here … but a hand job almost an hour ago … that you remember?”
Kakashi shrugged. “I’ve got my priorities. Now, if you've finished your tirade," he said beckoning him closer while he flopped down on the folded pillow, “get over here and keep your hoary senpai warm.”
Story of my life … saving this jackass from himself! "I oughta let you freeze," he grumbled while he trudged the long way round to the opposite side of the bed.
Kakashi threw back the covers in welcome. “Ah, now there’s a good man --”
“No … here stands a crazy man. Holy hell! The things I do for you - need to have my freakin’ head examined!"
“Tenzou, don’t be so hard on yourself. One of your best qualities is that soft heart --”
"Yeah and I'm kind to dumb animals too," he said sliding beneath the covers and pulling them up to his chin. "Maybe that's why I've put up with you for so long."
Finally, he settled in; lying flat on his back, about eight inches from his captain.
After letting him sulk for a few beats, Kakashi whispered, “You do see how this defeats the purpose of getting in bed with me, right? It's not that terrible is it?”
That garnered a harrumph.
“Come on … I won’t bite… unless you ask me to of course --"
“Just roll onto your side and for the love of god, Kakashi … stop talking!”
Yamato ignored the smug chuckling beside him and scooched over gingerly, mindful of his senpai's typically violent reaction to sudden intimacy. Dragging the extra pillow under his head, he let his arm over hang Kakashi’s midriff, the tips of his fingers braced against the mattress. “When this is all over,” he said, “remind me to give you a swift kick in the ass. And for the last time … what the hell are we gonna do about Hound?”
Kakashi snuggled against him, his shoulder blade grazing a sensitive nipple. “Kinda thought we'd lie here for a while. Use the time to clear the air between us, explain a few things and you know ... apologize --”
“What? Already said sorry for putting us in danger, didn’t I?”
"Shush… it's my turn to make amends." Pulling Tenzou's arm closer around his waist, he heaved out a long breath. Well, here goes nothing. "Lookit … there are only two things in this world that scare Hound shitless. Lady Tsunade for one; the other is me getting in touch with my … emotions.”
“Well isn’t that perfect? Why don’t I go fetch the Hokage while you lie here ... touching your emotions?”
Kakashi turned in the circle of his kohai’s arm. “I summoned Hound, because I wanted to teach you a lesson … thought his presence would force a quick confession outta you.” Carefully, he reached up supporting Yamato’s jaw with his hand, stroking his thumb over sneering lips. “But I never thought things would go as far as they did. Tenzou, I’m … I’m sorry. If I knew this would make you hate me … I never would have done it.”
Though he could never tell when he was winding him up until it was too late, he’d known Kakashi long enough to know when he wasn’t.
“Senpai … now you’re being too hard on yourself. I mean sometimes, sure, you’re a right idiot and other times … you can be a rat bastard; despite that …I could never hate you and I --”
“Please … let me get this out, Tenzou,” he said, closing his eye and swallowing down the lump in his throat. “Once Hound manifested, everything went straight to hell; things got out of hand ... had to let him think I was willing to keep going along with him. Don’t have to tell you how much Hound despises weakness … especially in me... I used that to my advantage. Tapping into my real feelings, kept Hound so busy suppressing my emotions, he couldn't concentrate on anything else--”
"Hang on. When you said, your 'real' feelings what exactly did you--?"
“I’ll get back to that in a minute,” he said, pressing a finger to Yamato's lips. Maneuvering his body away, he turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.
“It’s been a while since I had to explain this out loud … not sure where to start.”
He felt the waves of his captain’s vulnerability lapping at his conscience – Kakashi wasn’t joking around. That’s what scared him most; his captain, coming undone. He took a deep breath and rolled onto his back too, his hands folded on his stomach, mimicking the man to his right. Closing his eyes, Yamato determined to remain silent for the most part, knowing he could do nothing more.
Kakashi cleared his throat and said, “Once Hound’s ferocity on the battlefield was established, he was held in high regard… but his ruthlessness wasn’t restricted just to our enemies. After a while, many of our ANBU operatives feared working with him ... hardly anybody was crazy enough to stay with him for long.”
How well did Yamato understand; for years, he was mercilessly teased for remaining at Hound’s side and sometimes ostracized for defending Hound’s actions.
“Don't get me wrong," Kakashi continued, "Hound was and still is an excellent leader of men, but like me … he sucks at maintaining healthy interpersonal relations. At least he or rather I, did until you came along."
"Can’t decide if I should be flattered or insulted, senpai."
"I’d go with a little of both," Kakashi said with a chuckle. “But there came a point in my life when I couldn’t switch Hound off after missions, especially the real bloody ones. The Sandaime kept us in ANBU because the village needed a killing machine like Hound; just the mention of his name or the sight of him was enough to make our enemies compliant.”
“I know … Hound’s reputation was feared even in the Foundation.”
"Yeah, well … back then, the only way to deal with him after long missions was to keep me pumped full of tranquilizers and tied down to a bed in the psych ward. It usually took at least five days to declare me fit for duty after those episodes … too much time wasted, given the political and military climate of those days.”
“I understand all that, but obviously I’m missing something else, senpai. I mean … since Hound is just a shadow clone, all you had to do was break the jutsu and make him disperse, right?”
“Well … yes, and no...
Hound isn’t just a shadow clone.
What he is,” he sighed, "is a curse.”
Notes:
Hatchel: a comb for dressing flax or hemp.
Heliograph: a device for signaling by means of a moveable mirror that reflects beams of light to a distance; the Sharingan is so named the Mirror Wheel Eye.
Euthermic: normal body temperature.
Snuggery: a cozy, comfortable place.
Hoary: gray or white with age; ancient or venerable.
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