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Drowning	By : ikonforlife Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kakashi/Iruka Views: 1249 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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It was like a routine now, even for his life as a Hokage. The Sixth Hokage.
Waking up at dawn, visiting the memorial stone for a few hours not doing anything but thinking of his past mistakes and the people whose name carved on the stone, which hopefully will not include the name of the person he's visiting every night in the hospital after spending half a day in the tower.
Iruka...
It has been almost a month since his suicide attempt.
Kakashi realizes that there is no point agonizing over the younger's unconsciousness, when he is the Hokage now, a leader to his village. He has to be strong, or he might dash the hopes of his people as well. He has already disappointed Iruka. He can't let himself do that to the others too.
Therefore, while carrying out his responsibilities to the village, he still put some time to visit Iruka during his free time (every night, yes).
He will never give up on him. No matter what.
He knows, there is still a part of Iruka that might still want to come back, though Tsunade disagrees with him completely. She said it's very certain now that the chunin wants no salvation.
Yet, Kakashi refuses to believe it.

In the hospital room, sitting by the bed like usual, Kakashi stares at disheveled form of the chunin and can't help but smiling sadly. How come he still look flawless like this?
He caresses Iruka's hair lovingly, the part that he likes a lot about the other. The brown hair used to be always in a neat high ponytail, but now it lies messily all over the pillow.
He also loves Iruka's hands. His smooth fingers are now gotten a bit rough, but they still fit in Kakashi's, so he doesn't mind it as well.
Now that he thinks about it, he always seeks out to touch Iruka at nearly any given chance, though truthfully, he is not a touchy-feely person, at all. Commonly, he would be holding his book or a weapon. Other than that, he tends to keep his hands to himself (mostly his pockets), as though he’s afraid he can only use his body as the weapon he was trained to be.
But with Iruka, he acts differently. He would either hold Iruka's hands, or most of other times, his shoulder. Well, based on the situation.
Snapping him out of his own reverie, he hears Tsunade's voice, "You might as well just take him to your place if you are going to come here every night."
Kakashi turns to see her beside him, feeling rather funny that he doesn't sense her presence at all. He then asks with a serious look, "You being serious? Because I will gladly accept the proposition."
And Tsunade giggles teasingly as she smacks him softly. She focuses her sight on Iruka's comatose state and sighs, "I will try to arrange it," she puts her palm on his forehead with another sigh, "Well, since his condition needs no treatment anymore, I guess he can basically get discharged."
"Thank you."
She waves her hands as if to dismiss herself as she turns to leave Kakashi alone with the patient.
As the door closes back, he also sighs. "When are you going to wake up?"
With his long and lean fingers, he traces Iruka's dry and pale lips, which used to be so full and warm, yes, he really misses it since he used to taste it long time ago, fuck, it just seems like yesterday the two of them kissed passionately on the rooftop, under the full beaming moonlight, filled with bright shining stars. Yeah. On the night after the funeral for the death of Sandaime and the others.
He is aware that he totally took advantage of Iruka's vulnerability at the time, but obviously, he couldn't help it at the time. And thankfully than ever, Iruka reciprocated his bold action that night and thus, Kakashi is able to experience the best sex– he shakes his head, it wasn't only sex(at least for him), it was a lovemaking.
He poured everything in his fervent kisses and touches just to show Iruka how much he means the world to him, how much Kakashi is desperately into him, how much he is... In love with the teacher...
But he just couldn't say the word...
And the time passed by just like that, without any declaration between them, but unexpectedly, they did get closer since then, instead of getting awkward with each other.
Of course, each encounter will end with arguments or stupid bantering between them. They just can't seem to agree with each other, no matter what. No matter what the topic is on about.
Perhaps, that's why Iruka said the things he said to him, before he decided to attempt his failed suicide.
Did he really not understand Iruka, at all?
He keeps questioning himself, over and over.
He used to think that he understands Iruka the most, but maybe, Iruka is right. He doesn't understand Iruka at all.
Kakashi wipes the tears flowing down his cheeks, dampening the mask immediately. He really misses him. He really does. God, he wishes nothing other than seeing Iruka's warm smile and infectious laugh, and even that nervous smile, he only wants Iruka to lead a peaceful life, even better if it is together with him.
Kakashi plants a gentle kiss on Iruka's forehead, after moving some of his splaying hair from that area, like a ritual of every night when he has to leave Iruka there.
"Goodnight, Iruka," he whispers to Iruka's ear and kisses his cheek then. He chuckles like an idiot, "Okay, I promise that was the last one. I will really leave now, okay?"
He sighs at the totally unresponsive lying figure on the bed.
And he steps out of the hospital room, reluctantly.

As he arrives home, he closes the door quietly while muttering "I'm home", of course to no one in the house.
He leans his back against the door, his gaze fixated on the floor. Then, he slowly lifts his eyes to look around the Hokage compound.
Too big. Too spacious. Too much emptiness. With no company.
And another flow of tears fill his cheeks, again.
His back harshly slides down the door, before he sprawls on the floor like a child, crying.
And that's how his day ends. Days. Repeatedly.
That's how, he spends his time, everyday.

"Kakashi Sensei."
The said man looks up from his reading in the Hokage room to see Naruto clenching his fists, undoubtly from his own frustration about some things, none other than–
"Iruka Sensei..." He starts again, his lips tremble from trying to keep himself steady, "Is he really... Not gonna wake up anymore? It's almost been, like, what, three months?"
Kakashi sighs tiredly.
"I firmly believe he will wake up again. I'm sure you too, Naruto."
The younger presses his lips together and he lets out a relieved sigh.
"God, I really want to hug you right now, Sensei, I mean, Kakashi-Hokage-Teacher," and he forces out a mild laughter, in his poor attempt to improve the mood in the room.
Kakashi smiles, almost blurting out how gross that sounded, but then, he remembers the time Naruto used to question what should he call Kakashi for becoming a Hokage, Iruka was also there.
And damn, now that he recalls, it really took Naruto for him to be able to get Iruka's attention.
Well, he still vividly remembers, how he sneaked some time before the Sixth Hokage inauguration to drag Iruka with him for some discussion. He suggested to Iruka for Naruto to be promoted to Jounin and then, the academy teacher protested saying the teen lack of concentration and he barely knows any theory or whatsoever... Naruto can only learn fast in practical ways, after all.
He smiles to himself at the memory of him trying so hard to convince Iruka to teach and assist Naruto in his study for Jonin exam.
And how will he be able to forget the instant fond smile and blush on the chunin's face after that?
"By the way," Naruto says, "I'm here because, I need to ask you on something."
"Hm, what is it?" Kakashi asks curiously when he notices Naruto's serious mode activates back.
"Sasuke," he looks down, "Does Iruka Sensei really hate him?"
Ah...
Kakashi only looks at Naruto, utterly helpless. He really...doesn't know what to answer the younger.
"I'm sorry, Naruto. I... Don't know," he looks away, pretending not to think too much about the question and instead, drifting his eyes toward the orange novel, like always, "Hate.. Might be a bit extreme choice of word, but nonetheless... That's Iruka's personal feeling. You might have to ask him yourself once he wakes up."
"Okay," is his weak response before he excuses himself to leave.

Kakashi stares longingly at Iruka on the bed inside his own room at the Hokage residence. He is leaning his body on his side to face the other, selfishly lying beside Iruka's vegetative state.
He adjusts the blanket covering Iruka's now clothed body, to ensure that he feels warmer. (he knows Iruka doesn't feel anything, but still...)
He just gave Iruka a bath, as he is sure the younger will not want to wake up feeling all dirty or in uncomfortable state.
Hesitantly, he places his hand against Iruka's neck to feel his temperature. He's warm.
And damn, Kakashi will forever be proud of himself that he managed to control himself from taking advantage of Iruka's naked body while bathing him before.
He's ridiculously looking more and more like, a still doll.
And Kakashi sobs uncontrollably then, against Iruka's neck.

After awhile, Kakashi is back to gazing upon the academy teacher.
"You know, this morning, after delivering her mission report, Sakura asked me how did I first met you," he flashes a small smile thinking back to her giddy eyes, obviously trying to cheer him up, in her own way, what they call it fangirl way.
"At that time, I only then realized that I almost forgot how, our first meeting went. But I simply told her that it was during our first mission together. Do you remember, that was the one which you almost drowned–" he stops abruptly and bits his lower lip, dejectedly. "Isn't it irony how a dolphin tend to let himself get drowned?" and I was able to save you easily back then... But now...
As he lets himself thinking further, Kakashi's forehead wrinkles a bit then, "Wait, I think I actually am confused. Which one... Is our first meeting?"
His eyes blinks rapidly when a few surprising memories struck his brain, out of the blue. The memories that he probably buried deep inside his head from past traumatic events, and ended up forgetting them all.
And only now, it seems like the switch is finally turned on. And he remembered back, everything.
"Damn, I actually first saw you when you were a toddler!" He giggles excitedly by himself and smiles endlessly while immersing himself through the memories.
And his eyes eventually grow heavy, drowsy as ever, then, he finally closes his eyes, drowning in his own memories, drifting away.
His head ends up leaning against Iruka's shoulder.
A few droplets of tears run down from Kakashi's eyes, then... And...

From Iruka's eyes as well.
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