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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves	By : c0p13r Category: Naruto > General Views: 33163 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I make no money off this fic

Chapter List
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Balls to the walls to deck the halls!
~~~
            Naruto limps out of the ‘Captain Marvel’ movie after having a whole heap of feminism shoved straight up his sphincter. Now he is angry and sexually aggressive. “I will make a girl pay for what I just watched! You better know and believe and dattebayo it!” At once, he lunges through the village at top-speeds, snarling furiously. “That movie sucked!”
            He reaches the Haruno household; outside, Kizashi prepares to slip on a noose and step off the porch. Ignoring the father just as the father ignores him, Naruto kicks in the door, runs through the house, smashes Mebuki’s face into the kitchen sink where she was washing dishes – “Plow me in ‘Of Jinchuriki and Uzumaki’!” she gurgles amongst the suds – and rushes upstairs. He breaks down Sakura’s door and stands ominously in the broken doorway.
            “Saku-chan!” he calls to the one standing in front of her mirror. “I am here to plow your brains out!”
            “But Naru-chan,” whines Sakura, “I love Sasu-chan! Cha! Shannaro!”
            “Fuck that sasuage!”
            “I want to!”
            “Fuck you!” Naruto amends. He walks over, and with great authority of the supreme male, he slaps her and tells her to bend over. “Fuck you by forking me!” He doesn’t make her bend over and instead throws her on her bed. She scoots back, breast heaving with anxiety. Naruto… is going to fork her!
            With his bestial strength, he rips her clothes asunder, and she responds positively to his show of masculinity. He gropes and pokes and gooses before getting ready to pull his pants down and his winky free. “You’ve not seen the likes of me before,” he says, and then, under his breath, adds, “except in every single piece of shit fanfic out there… ya know?”
            He drops his kegs and pushes out his erection, and Sakura is floored… with revulsion and disbelief and just plain old ‘what the fuck’-ness. He was huge… Monstrously huge… Gargantuan. But not at all magnificent, as dicks are usually described when they are at their standard 12+ inches (Sasuke and Naruto fics… congrats…). There are lumps and displaced, stringy hairs poking out of the shaft; one such hair sticks out from the rim of the tip. Girth-wise, how else to describe it but saying that Sakura couldn’t even fit her hand around it?! (Seriously… any fic out there. Take your pick; it’ll say something along those lines)
            “What the FUCK, Naru-chan?!”
            “Fuck you!” Naruto repeats, and then slugs her pussy with his dick. She miraculously takes him all in in one go. [Insert tired, overused verbal response of the receiver now!] “You like that, whore?”
            “No!” says Sakura honestly.
            “You like how big my willy is, slut?”
            “No!”
            “You like being called names while I fork you, prostitute? I could fork you for days.”
            Sakura, while pained in her pussy, rolls her eyes with a grimace at his awkward attempts at dirty talk.
            “Sweaty skank,” wheezes the male. “You like how I fork you like an armpit-smelly, butthole-crevice, dirty cheese, foreskin cheddar-eating bitch?” He grunts and groans and steadily continues to topics outside the bedroom. “’Incredibles 2’ sucked! It was just the same movie as the first one!” He speeds up. “They even had a train derail at the beginning because of some corny-named villain! Ah~, Saku-chan! Is my dick not the best because it is big and inside your practically-virgin pussy?”
            “No, dammit! Shut the fuck up! Having a big winky doesn’t make the sex or the story good! It just shows a lack of creativity and effort on the writer’s part!”
            At once, Naruto shrivels back and begins to sob. “I just… I just wanna have a big willy!”
            “Narut-chan… I hate to break it to you, but… that’s not your willy.” Sakura puts a hand on his shoulder. “That’s a seriously bad growth. Come. Let’s go see Tsu-chan.”
~~~Tsunade’s room or something~~~
            “Ugh! Gross!” Tsunade pokes and maneuvers Naruto’s wang with a pencil, stifling vomit as she sees patches of green and rubbed-raw sweat. “Goddamm, what the fuck?”
            “I… I have to have a big one!” said Naruto, now in Naruko form for some reason. Also perplexing is all around, every woman of ‘NARUTO’ is rocking a set of DD’s. Even lithe Kushina, back from the dead for this one instance, is suddenly shaking sweater pillows the size of basket balls; Sakura, also, also of a sudden has grown assets.
            “Dumbass,” Tsunade says after smacking his wiener. “This is a big tumor! Your balls have shriveled up from all your hot spring sessions, and now [Insert science mumbo jumbo] and because of that, tumors!”
            “I understand everything you said up until you opened your mouth.” Naruto-in-drag slaps Tsunade with his deformed penis. “Only by having a long schlong can I prove myself good in bed! Believe it!” He walks to the window, returns to a boy after being a girl… a BOY after being a GIRL… (How do people…? Is this…? Ugh…) He waves bye, saying, “Smell ya later, Ts-chan. A.k.a, you need ta douche, ya bitch!” He leaps out into the world, presumably to go home and abuse his wife again from repressed-homosexual rage.
            Little does he know, another repressed-homosexual has set his sights on the boy-turned-girl-turned-boy again. Sasuke crouches like a gargoyle. “Goodbye, asexuality,” he murmurs to himself, and licks his lips as he stares at Naruto’s butt. “Hello, world of sexual confusion!” With a screech, he rushes after Naru-chan!
~~~
What the fuck will our hero do when his Sasu-chan catches up with him? Will yaoi ensue, or will it be justified as hetero because Naruto (a boy) hides his penis with a jutsu? Find out next time with my supreme authorial powers!
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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves