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The Art of a Well Staged Murder	By : Night_Being Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1671 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: Here it is! Another chapter. I've tried to make it funny, but don't be disappointed if it's not. Anyway, I hope you will enjoy it! :)

Few days had passed and being the proper vampire Sasuke definitely was, he spent them preparing to execute his mission of killing a certain someone. He had been stalking the gullible boy from the day he had met him. He learned all the required information about his prey with ease. Naruto had actually quite a boring life in Sasuke's opinion. Not that Sasuke really knew that much about the boy. He had gathered only the kind of information he needed in order to carry out his master plan.
Now, hardly four days after, he had everything ready. The small device was smartly hidden inside Naruto's shabby car, every wire connected to the mechanism with perfect precision. Sasuke would never do a job halfway. He was certain this was the best way, the most reliable approach.
At first he thought about cutting the vehicle's brake hoses, but then he would have to wait for the guy to actually have a car crash. And who knew… maybe the idiot might even survive. Sasuke could not risk that! He needed a hundred percent success. He made sure Naruto would die today. No human could survive an explosion, could they?
Sasuke found himself a good position on a roof, opposite of Naruto's apartment building. The sunset was coming, but the sky was filled with dark clouds, so there was no need to worry about turning into a pile of ash. He seated himself at the very edge of the flat top and waited. If he remembered correctly, Naruto went to work early in the morning. Every week day at 6am. As Sasuke saw the annoyingly joyful person walk out of the main door, this day probably wasn't an exception. The vampire already praised himself for work well done and started to prepare for the show.
Naruto juggled with his bag and keys for a while before he attempted to violently force one key into the lock. The key was apparently a wrong one and Naruto began to juggle with his stuff again, looking for the right one. Sasuke on the roof nervously shifted, black brows itching closer. He had already seen this morning ritual and even though he had found it quite amusing before, today it was slowly starting to irk him.
After several long minutes Naruto finally found the right key. Sasuke had no idea what took him so long. He could see quite well that the boy didn't have that many keys in the first place. He was just a clumsy idiot that must have been the case. Key was turned inside the lock, door secured at last. Sasuke tensed. Naruto froze right by the door. Sasuke's eyes grew wide, as if he was trying to glare a hole into Naruto's head and see what the moron was thinking about.
But instead of going towards his car, the boy unlocked the door and disappeared back inside. Sasuke rolled his eyes, concluding that the nitwit had probably forgotten something. When he came out again Sasuke nearly face palmed. Naruto had a sandwich stuck in his mouth. He went back for a damn sandwich! The vampire groaned, becoming quite annoyed. He knew what was coming. Oh yes. The juggling…
A second after Naruto indeed began to juggle with his keys, bag and a sandwich as a bonus. Of course! Three items were a little too much for his incompetent hands and it didn't take that long before one of them fell down. First it were the keys. Sasuke heard Naruto huff something, probably a swear word. The blond bent down to pick up his keys and the sandwich fell out of his dumb mouth as well, making a funny slap against the ground. Naruto cursed and his bag slid from his shoulder, landing right on the sandwich.
Incredible. Sasuke desperately watched Naruto awkwardly gather his belongings and slip back inside the building. This time the reason stayed unknown.
A guy on a bike passed by, throwing newspapers full of ads randomly around. One of them landed right in front of Naruto's door. Sasuke ignored it, no-one never read this stuff.
Another person showed up, this one in a jumper with hood covering his head. He did seem suspicious though, Sasuke shot him a vicious look and twitched; prepared to jump down from the roof and get rid of the witness in a second. But that moment the door banged again, Naruto coming out the third time.
Sasuke growled and glanced at the shady person stalking behind Naruto's vehicle. He appeared to be doing something with the car door. He wasn't stealing the car, was he? No! Of all the cars around, he had to choose this one? But Naruto was right at his door, locking them on the first try. Yes! He should see the thief right about… Sasuke's jaw dropped at the sight of Naruto's nose buried in the colorful add flyer. Who in the world read this crap?
Apparently, Naruto did.
Sasuke grit his teeth when the idiot giggled at something in the text and stopped to turn over a page. The thief managed to open the car's door in the meantime. Sasuke was inwardly screaming. Naruto chuckled again. He was so close, if he made few other steps the explosion might actually hit him.
Sasuke began to pray. Only few more steps and Naruto would be in the blast radius. Three steps… two… BAM! Sasuke stared at the fire with amazement. Somewhere deep inside he felt like crying… alright, not really. But come on! This was not fair! He saw the flames lash out, he observed how they fried a person inside the car. But it was the wrong one. His darkened eyes twitched to the side where Naruto was sitting on his butt, legs sprawled on the pavement as he was gazing at his car in disbelief. Sasuke groaned at the dumb look the blond pulled out, then glanced back at the burning car and black flames rising from the wreckage.
The vampire disappeared with an angry clack of his tongue.

Attempt number two. Sasuke was ready in a week. He had wallowed in self-pity for few days before he realized that he couldn't allow himself let this go just like that. He came to a conclusion that if he didn't manage to kill the boy inside a car, he would do it with a car. That was until he decided that mere car wasn't enough and he got himself a huge badass truck instead. Better be ready this time! Yes! Naruto was basically already dead.
After shadowing the moron for few days Sasuke learned the boy's schedule. Now that he no longer possessed a car, Naruto went to work by bus every morning at six forty. The bus stop was right around the corner, but he did have to cross a street before getting on the other side of the road. That moment was Sasuke's only chance. The perfect opinion. The dumb guy had his nose always stuck in his cell phone or the stupid add flyer and never paid attention to the surroundings. To run him over would be the easiest way. It would look like an unfortunate accident. Almost…
With truck ready, Sasuke nestled comfortably on the mushy driver's seat. He had never driven such a humongous vehicle before, and it was actually quite a funny experience. Something completely different than a car. It felt huge and powerful. He started the engine and the enormous machine roared. It would be a miracle if this didn't wake up the entire street. Sasuke didn't give a shit.
Deadly dark orbs were glued to the other end of the long street. There, Naruto's door motionlessly waited for the blond to open them and then lock them on the tenth try – if he was lucky. If not for the noisy truck, the street would be completely silent. Not a bird nor a cat. Once again, Sasuke didn't give a shit. His one and only goal was to make a bloody pulp of the idiot… Oh yes! Sasuke subtly shivered with excitement. If his cold heart could, it would drum inside his chest like never before. Killing was always so much fun!
With a creak the observed door finally opened, Naruto coming out and already shuffling with all his stuff. Sasuke had never met anyone as clumsy as this nitwit and he still couldn't believe that Naruto actually got lucky the last time. It must have been a rare coincidence or something. This time Sasuke would surely be successful.
The vampire geared up with a vicious smirk and the gigantic truck heavily moved, rolling its weighty wheels on the fragile looking asphalt. Sasuke drove slowly, waiting for the right moment to speed up. Once this beauty got running, it was no stopping it. Naruto wouldn't even know what got him.
Everything around played into the vamp's cards. The street was long, long enough to get a massive truck rolling so fast it had power of a small avalanche. The trees were bare, providing excellent view through the whole alley. And the dumb idiot had his nose stuck in the addictive light of his cell phone screen. Perfect conditions for a little morning slaughter.
Just as Sasuke had predicted, Naruto moved hastily on the sidewalk, not paying attention to anything around him. Not even the diabolical behemoth pursuing him in a badass, loud truck. Sasuke thought if the guy didn't become deaf in those few days, because come on… who wouldn't notice a fucking truck in suburbs?!
Apparently, Naruto didn't!
Sasuke continued rolling, slowly at first, but he was unavoidably pushing his weapon of mass destruction faster and faster. The blond should turn soon, he was almost at the end of the pavement. His little brain was probably too preoccupied by the enslaving device to pay any attention to where he was walking. He would walk right under Sasuke's wheels. The vamp already started to plan what he would do after his work here is done. Maybe read a book? Or take a nap? Yeah, why not…
Naruto changed the direction slightly. Sasuke pushed the pedal down to the ground. Naruto turned… all he had to do to get on the road was walk around a power pole.
Sasuke sped up, malice shine in his eyes. The truck dashed past the pole, hitting… nothing! Sasuke swiftly glanced into the back mirror.
And there he was – the golden child of fortune – standing right in front of the power pole and massaging his nose. The vampire's mouth fell agape. He hit the brakes and stopped. A bus drove past Sasuke's truck, aiming to the other direction.
Sasuke helplessly watched how Naruto ran across the street in a hurry; eyes focusing only on the cell phone. The bus almost hit him, the driver honking in annoyance and Naruto getting in with an apologetic smile.
Sasuke banged his head against the wheel and the bus with the very much alive guy was driving away.

Lucky attempt number three. Sasuke figured out a bulletproof plan. After two failed shots he came up with something that simply could not backfire! Because yes... he indeed had in mind to finally use a different invention of the twentieth century and instead of bothering himself with useless explosives and clumsy trucks he got himself a nice, black, shiny gun!
However, he wouldn't just go and shoot the dimwit. No! For once - it would be too easy. Two - no fun. And three - he would have to pull the trigger. Nah. Too much effort.
Because to find a way to install mechanism which would trigger itself at the right angle of the door and shoot anyone who would walk through the main entrance was way easier. Plus of course measure Naruto's height and calculate the position of his head, which was - of course - a piece of cake. Sasuke's logic! As I said, bulletproof!
This time it took him a single day to get ready. He sneaked inside Naruto's apartment through the window. It went smoother than he had expected, but only a true idiot would let a window right next to the emergency stairs half open during winter. That was Naruto's own logic though, no use trying to understand that one.
Sasuke worked his way through the apartment - measuring, assessing and preparing all the delicate wires and threads. He didn't really pay much attention to how the flat looked and if it was cleaned or not. Well, maybe occasionally when he stumbled upon some forgotten piece of clothes… or a dirty cup… or a licked plate… or an empty bottle of beer… or a half read book… or some other object which got in the way of his work. Alright! This guy was a slob! Who owned this much junk anyway?
Apparently, Naruto did.
With an annoyed huff Sasuke took Naruto's who-knows-how-old sock into two fingers and carefully put it away from the door knob before be neatly applied one end of the thread to the door. There! Done! The set was ready. All Sasuke had to do now was wait until the idiot would come back from work and open the trap. Bam! He would be dead before he would realize he was home. Splendid!
On his way out of the apartment Sasuke noticed a certain book. He had heard about it few times and actually planned to read it. Well, it was not like Naruto would need it anyway. He grabbed it. Borrowed book in his possession Sasuke climbed out of the window again. The day was once again cloudy and it even looked like snow. The vampire wasn't very happy about it, but he refused to stay inside the apartment. It smelled funny. Exactly as the guy who killed his hunter instinct, which made Sasuke feel awkward. And no, he wasn't going to analyze this further. The guy was about to die – today! At last! Sasuke wasn't going to dive deeper into the whole murderous impotency problem. There was no point… because the blond was almost gone anyway! Dead! Deceased! No longer alive! Alright… almost.
Sasuke waited. Who the hell was at work for that long anyway? Why couldn't he get back home at some normal hour? Gah! Jackass…
The vampire found himself a pretty spot on the roof, opened the book and got into the reading. Hopefully, Naruto would be home from work before it would start snowing.
Approximately three pages after, a sharp gunshot resonated through the cold winter air. Throwing away the book Sasuke jolted out of his seat. He didn't remember Naruto should come back home this early. He never did! Could it be that Sasuke was lucky for once and the idiot actually came back sooner? With an evil gleam he swiftly climbed down the steel emergency stairs and carefully peeked inside the apartment.
As if being hit by a brick Sasuke's features painfully twitched. He stared at the opened door on the other side of the room in stunned awe. Middle aged man about head smaller than Naruto stared back at him into the window. He seemed to be in more severe state of shock than Sasuke was. Probably having a stroke or something. But who the hell cared if the guy was dying on a heart-attack?! He wasn't Naruto and he had ruined Sasuke's master plan. He had triggered the gun! He had destroyed the fragile but precise mechanism! He had fucked up everything!
Why the hell was he in Naruto's apartment anyway? Where the fuck did he get the keys? Who the fuck was this asshole?
Sasuke growled, measuring the pervy looking man. With a small jerk the guy seemed to come out of his confusion and his eyes finally registered Sasuke spying him through the window. The man blinked few times, focusing on the blurred lines of Sasuke's figure. It was getting dark outside.
A wave of rage came over the vampire and before the man could even blink, his smaller fatty figure was plastered against the wall of the corridor and wrathful red eyes stared into his own muddy ones. The window through which Sasuke stormed inside creaked once and then it was left wide open and still. Cold whiz of wind reached their ears.
Without a word Sasuke squeezed the held throat and sneered, showing two extremely pointy fangs. The man's eyes widened in terror and he squealed like a pig, but not much voice could go through his clenched neck. Sasuke emitted a low growl and with a slide of crimson eye he scanned the middle aged guy one more time. He didn't plan to question, he only planned to murder this person. Here! Now!
He couldn't.
Red pupils evaporated, making space for two onyx diamonds to pierce the man's face instead. Sasuke grunted in displeasure and let go of the guy, his instincts of a killer gone again.
"Wh-o are you?" the man mewled in still strangled voice and massaged his released throat.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and didn't answer the irritating question which had been heard so many times before. Only another annoyed huff found its way through his nose.
"A-are you his boyfriend? Because I swear I didn't mean to… I was about to return it, really…"
There was a dangerous flutter in the vamp's face on the word boyfriend, but this man seemed to have something to tell. And against his will Sasuke realized he was actually a little curious. He set his hypnotizing stare on the man, urging him to continue with his shaky rant.
"Here, take this back… I swear it's over! I won't…" but the deadly glare had a completely different effect. The man took out some small piece of fabric from his pocket, threw it on the ground to Sasuke's feet and then began to hastily wobble away.
Sasuke cocked his head to the side, no longer interested in the guy. His full attention was now tied upon the small piece of cloth. It didn't take longer than a second to recognize it was Naruto's underwear. Sasuke turned away with disgust and his eyes fell on a bunch of similar keys stuck in Naruto's apartment door from the outside. All of them were dulled silver color, only the one in Naruto's lock had a plastic orange cap on it. The vampire reluctantly glanced back at the underwear, then at the door again, he replayed the image of a middle aged man wobbling away only in his slippers in his head. It wasn't that hard to put one and one together.
Perverted landlord with secret depraved tastes and a weak spot for silly blond boys… gross! And what more, Sasuke just helped Naruto get rid of him, probably for quite some time. So instead of killing the jerk, he was actually helping him. Sasuke felt like ripping his hair out in despair.
A familiar voice singing loudly from behind the corner of the corridor sent a jolt through the vampire's flesh. With the last glare towards the source of the off tone singing, Sasuke disappeared. A moment after Naruto came home, staring dumbly at the mess in front of his apartment door.

After the third failed attempt Sasuke's annoyance grew, inwardly fueling his determination and desire to kill the boy. He came up with several more ways to murder Naruto Uzumaki. Every time he was one hundred percent sure that his plan would be a success. And every time he miserably failed he dived more and more into some weird obsessed trance. Sasuke banged his head against a wall until a crack appeared in it. He facepalmed so hard a red imprint of his own hand shined over his entire face. He rampaged, roared and seared after each and every unsuccessful shot. But a few weeks later he realized, that maybe… just maybe… he might not be trying as much as he was in the beginning. His efforts became a daily routine and somewhere deep inside he actually enjoyed observing the boy during his everyday life. It was strangely amusing to watch how Naruto managed to escape Sasuke's traps without even being aware of them.
Poison his coffee? Naruto accidentally spilled it. Drop a piano from the roof on his head? Naruto changed the direction a second before. Put a kitten to the middle of a busy road just in the moment Naruto was walking by? He rescued the poor little creature without so much as scratch. Sasuke wasn't really sure how he managed to do that, but he found himself smirking at the sight of Naruto cuddling the little furry ball and taking it away with him.
It lasted several long weeks, and without Naruto knowing it, Sasuke had learned almost every single detail about the blond's life. Where he lived, what he did in his free time, who were his friends, what was his job. He watched him juggle with his keys and rush to catch the bus every morning and then tiredly mope back home in the evening.
Another insignificant week of a vampire's existence flew by and Sasuke suddenly realized that he didn't try to kill the boy even once. What more, he actually didn't mind him staying alive as much as he did before. Because after all, this human would live for few more years. Sasuke could always try to kill him some other time. Right?

Days passed and weeks changed into months. White blanket of winter melted away and new life began to sprout from the ground. Spring was just in its outbreak and Sasuke was currently sitting on a top of another high building and curiously watched how Naruto hastily made his way through a narrow alley of the city centre. He had been out with his friends and missed the last night bus home. Sasuke found that as the perfect opportunity to spy on him the whole long journey towards his apartment building. Maybe tonight he could even try to kill the boy again. That could be fun. A small smile flickered on Sasuke's face, but instantly vanished when he saw another man step into Naruto's way.
A shaky hand jerked out and aimed right at the startled blond; a gun being tightly clutched in it. "All you have! Now!" the man demanded, voice stuttering with suppressed fear.
"Hey... sorry! I don't have-"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Only Naruto could actually apologize for not having any money to a thief.
"Everything you have! Now!"
Sasuke frowned at the tone of the thief's voice. It was scared, insecure and nervous. There was a bigger chance he would fire the gun accidentally than that he would do it intentionally. The vampire didn't like that. Naruto shouldn't die here. That wasn't the way it was supposed to go. He shouldn't be killed by some insecure thief in a dirty alley. He was his entertainment and without Naruto Sasuke would be alone again, with nothing to do. And what more… Naruto was his to kill! He was his victim! His!
With one long elegant jump Sasuke materialized right between the idiotic thief and Naruto. The guy yelped and his gun fired. Hitting Sasuke right into his shoulder. The vampire rolled his eyes. "I should have known you would miss anyway," he huffed, annoyed.
"Sasuke?!" An ecstatic call came from the other side. He actually remembered his name after all the months? Impressive.
Tilting his head to the side Sasuke gave Naruto one short acknowledging nod before turning back towards the thief.
The gun in the hold began to tremble even more. "W-who a-a-are yo-ou?" the man stammered. Sasuke hated these types of queries.
"An android programed to capture incapable thieves and answer stupid questions," Sasuke declared calmly.
Naruto behind him chuckled. "So… A robot or a vampire? Pick one, dude," he teased him.
"An alien, you moron," Sasuke answered with a twitch of amused smirk Naruto couldn't see.
The thief looked absolutely stunned, his terrified eyes frantically switching from Sasuke to Naruto and back.
"Well, to me you seem like a big fat loser, that's all," Naruto said happily and chuckled again.
Sasuke growled. Stupid idiot who provoked a vampire with short temper! That's what he was!
He swiftly grabbed the gun which had been shakily aiming at him and stole it from the stupid man. The thief began to cowardly run for his life. Neither Sasuke nor Naruto paid attention to him anymore. With deft move the vamp turned around and aimed the newly gained weapon at Naruto, his arm so quick and the gesture so unexpected that the smile on Naruto's lips faltered. He made two rickety steps back, then tripped and fell down on his butt.
Naruto stared up at Sasuke, bewildered and hurt. Why did he have to look so betrayed? It wasn't like Sasuke was doing something wrong! He was simply doing what he was meant to do! This was who he was! And his only chance to kill Naruto might be exactly this one.
This was it! His moment! All Sasuke had to do now was pull the trigger. There was no way he would miss. One brisk move and bam! Naruto's life would be over! Just like Sasuke had planned from the very start. He would be dead, by Sasuke's hand. And it would be over…
All would be over.
"Why won't you just die?" Sasuke ranted under his nose and let the stretched arm fall.

I am prepared for any kind of criticism!
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The Art of a Well Staged Murder