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Slippery When Wet	By : DevilnBlue Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1984 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or make any profit by writing this fic.

Chapter List
- 1-Slippery When Wet
- 2-Chapter 2
- 1
- 2
Hello Simply Hopeless a.k.a. Assassin's Kiss here with a new chapter for you. I'd figure I'd give you one more chapter of 'Slippery When Wet' before I buckle down and start working on the other stories. I thank the very few people who bothered to review this story even though I know you guys are anxious for the day after Halloween and what stories I'll be updating again. But please don't forget to show this story some love by telling me what you like about it. It's brand-spanking new and waiting for some readers to fall in love with it and the zany characters. Well hope you love it cause I love it, and see you after Halloween!
Oh and special note, Gaara sings a line from Disney's 'Little Mermaid' called 'Kissed the Girl' by songwriter Alan Irwin Menken and Howard Ashman at the end of the story. It's a nod to another redhead under the sea. Hint, hint, she has problems properly communicating with her prince too in the movie XP
Slippery When Wet
"I'm going to hang up on you, dobe," Sasuke growled out in lieu of answering his best friend. He had known it was a risk to pick up the phone when the idiot was on the line. But unfortunately for him he kept having high hopes that Naruto would say something intelligent this time around. Yet it always fell short of happening.
Naruto hesitated from looming menacingly over the flopping redhead in his Uncle Jiraiya's rusty tub, in order to cock his head in bemusement. "That's the right word, right? If a zombie eats a human then that's being a zombie or an overzealous extra from The Walking Dead. But if a human eats another human then that's cannibalism and a no-no, right"
"…" What the hell was Sasuke suppose to say to that? 'Zombie eat human good, human eat human bad? In what fucking universe would any of that be right or good?' So he settled for keeping silence until the blonde fool elaborated further.
Naruto decided in that moment to slowly kneel at the side of the rusty tub to look at the redhead eye to eye when all he got was silence from his friend. He watched as luminous, sea foam eyes rounded before narrowing suspiciously when the blonde dared to come near him. Even though the merman had left him a tattered mess, he seemed like an intelligent enough creature that understood that he stood on a precipice.
There was no use trying to bite through the rope or tug at it when all it did was leave his mouth dry and the area under the rope raw. The damn tub was to heavy for him to turn over and it was quite hard to climb out a tub when your legs were one big fish tail. So the redhead did the only intelligent thing he could; he bared his sharp teeth in warning even as he tried to press himself as far from the human as possible. But the blonde only offered him a serene smile as he carefully lifted both hands up to show he was harmless; his cell phone was carefully cradled between his shoulder and ear so as to allow him more freedom.
The merman began to let out a hissing sound in the back of his throat that startled Naruto for a moment. He nearly fell on his ass, he was so surprised but just as quickly as his heart started to quicken, the blonde let out a soft chuckle. "Didn't know you could do that," he mused aloud. He was still all pearly white teeth and all kinds of niceties when suddenly. He wanted to loll the redhead so that he wouldn't be so guarded. And just as the redhead's shoulders un-hunched just a little bit, he reached out his hands like a cobra strike.
Strong, tan fingers quickly tangled and gripped the vibrant, red hair on the back of the merman's head. Naruto tried to wrap as much of the short hair as he could around his fist so that he had control of the sea creature's head even as he pinned the already bound wrists down with his other large hand. It was done so violently and quick that it elicited a pained moan from the merman and the wet squelching of a body forced to adjust in a small tub with water in it.
"What was that sound, dobe?" Sasuke asked cautiously. The raven had entertained ideas of hanging up. He probably would have after his first threat, but he was slightly bored and partly hoped that his best friend had somehow stumbled onto one of Jiraiya's old stashes from the 70s. The med student wouldn't mind getting high with his friend to ease the tension of taking exams. But it seemed clear that someone else was in the same room as his delusional best friend, instead of a drug induced phenomenon like Kami intended. So whatever Naruto was talking about cannibalism may just come to pass if he didn't strengthen this shit out quickly.
Naruto ignored Sasuke's question this time, pressing on to what he was getting at. "If I find something that was human, but not quite. And I feel like eating on the part that's not, it can't be cannibalism, right? If he looks delicious enough, it wouldn't be wrong to bite him even here, right?" He questioned even as he readjusted his hold on the back of the merman's head so he wouldn't be able to bite. He was in complete control and the captive knew it. It was a heady feeling as soon as he assured his own safety, he bent his blonde head down to gently scrap his teeth against a chilled, pale shoulder. The taste of sea-brine and something undetectably wild exploded on his tongue and sent his tone tummy, growling in need. He could lick this merman like a lollipop and still not feel satisfied.
But before he could ponder further on this possibly new addiction, his teeth nearly pierced the merman's flesh. It was because the redhead, who had lain stiff like a dead fish since he had been manhandled, jerked suddenly in alarm. Quickly before the redhead could retaliate by trying to slap him with his fin or renew his struggling, he pressed his hot lips against the jugular of that milky throat. "Or what if I take a big juicy bite here Sasuke?" His question was shaky and slightly muffled as his slightly dull teeth teased along the throbbing jugular of the stricken merman, which only drew a ragged breath from his captive.
If the blonde had been serious in taking the cannibal route all he needed to do was bite down hard here and let the poor fucker bleed out. Then he could season and fillet him before enjoying the fruits of his labor. Shit, if he planned it right he could dine for days if he wasn't squeamish about eating the top half. But even as his stomach rumbled eagerly at any idea of food, he decided to take a different route by playfully nipping the vulnerable neck hard enough to leave slight indentions of his teeth, but not hard enough to tear the flesh. His azure eyes lit with devilish glee when he finally lifted his handsome head to see the merman staring in alarm at the blonde's actions, pouty lips slack open in surprise.
Naruto was almost tempted to kiss the merman to see what other reaction he could get out of the redhead. But that was asinine. He was more than sure that if his captive's arms weren't bound and held down, then the redhead would finger the place where he was bit before trying to bite him back or even worse. So to distract the merman from retaliating he began to gently massage the back of the sea creature's head even as he prepared to stand. "You knew you deserved that for what you did to me," he scolded lightly, offering an appeasing smile. "But I'll be damned if you aren't a pretty, feisty thing. I won't be eating you just yet, I think."
"Don't flirt with someone else while you're on the fucking phone with me Uzumaki! Did you seriously forget I was on the phone?" Sasuke growled out, pissed. The idiot was his! His friend he meant. There was nothing sexual about how possessive he was of the blonde that had bulldozed into his life. But he'd be damn if he were forced to hang out with another brainless twit and have her hog up his blonde. He was an Uchiha and he was used to getting what he wanted, including a certain blonde's attention.
Naruto wasn't certainly the brightest crayon in the Crayola box, but he knew that if he didn't assuage his prissy friend's feelings now, then the teme would be giving him the silent treatment for a week. And then where the hell will he get free food and health care services if he pissed off his friend? It took months for the Uchiha to like him enough to even entertain the idea of being friends, but it took little to nothing to piss him off.
So carefully he picked himself up off the ground, his hand still gently stroking the merman's head to keep him at bay, like he would a skittish animal. Finger pressed to his lips for silence from the merman, he turned his back on the redhead with a wink and gave his friend his undivided attention.
"Sassycakes did I hurt your feelings by ignoring you?" He chuckled in amusement. "You know I could never forget about you. I'd flirt with you any day if that meant getting what I wanted," he practically purred out.
"Idiot, I'm not bringing you any food and stop calling me Sassycakes you asshole. It took me weeks to convince Aniki to stop calling me that after that one slip up of yours. God forbid if our other friends heard half of the other stuff you try to get away with me," Sasuke grumbled, sounding quite flustered.
"But Sassycakes is sassycakes. Remember that time I dressed up as a pimp and had convinced you, well blackmailed you, to dress up as my number one ho… hello? Sasuke-teme did you hang up on me?" Naruto asked, chuckling nervously when he heard the dial tone. Then cursed softly to himself when he realized that he most have pissed off the Uchiha more than he thought while trying to help alleviate hurt feelings. He was not the most tactful person for sure, but surprisingly he remained flushed with friends. All who had things to do this summer while he was stuck babysitting his Uncle Jiraiya's home, leaving his prickly friend the only food source for miles.
"Well isn't that just fucking great? I'm still hungry and I can't eat you because you might give me indigestion and a guilty conscious. So what do I do Red? 'Cause I'm five seconds from reconsidering the whole cannibalism thing," he grumbled, pouting. He wasn't kidding. He was just that hungry, despite the fact that he loved exotic marine creatures like octopi, sharks and apparently rare, psycho mermen.
"You can untie me and stop drooling obsessively over my body. I promise I won't attack you anymore if you don't," sighed out the redhead. Scathing glares and vicious attacks did little to the dense blonde but get him a bite on the neck and the feeling that the blonde human probably would try to cook him or molest him.
"Merman say what?!" Naruto cried out in total shock. First guy mermaids that attacked and now to find out they talked too. Today was full of surprises. He mumbled as much to himself as he eyed the merman cautiously. Then seeing that unless he wanted to drag Sasuke into this matter, he was better off untying and trying to have a civil conversation with the red head, he got to work untying the knots.
"You know this shit would have run that more smoothly if you just spoke up instead of attacking me in the first place. Honestly, it's not like you're a Disney mermaid who made a bad deal with a sea witch. You can fricking talk! How awesome is that? Do you speak to whales and shit like Aquaman or something. That'd be epic if you did," he began to rattle off excitedly. This was so much better than Shark Week or Deadliest Catch. Who could claim they had a real, live, talking fish man in their tub.
But even as he was prepared to settle on the toilet and ask the redhead more insipid questions, he heard a knock on the door.
"Who the hell can be knocking on the door this late at night?" He questioned, a little pissed off. He was eager to talk more with the merman but if the guy at the door didn't stop knocking on his door like a maniac then he wouldn't be able to think straight enough to ask his first question. So with a sigh he stood up and walked out the bathroom, assured the merman really couldn't go anywhere. There wasn't really that much water inside a house.
"I'm coming! Damn!" he growled out, yanking the door open. He was prepare to give the solicitor an earful when he received a shock. There standing at the door was another ethereal beauty from the sea. Except this sea creature was stark naked, had long chocolate locks and human legs with iridescent fish scales here and there. "Well I'll be damned," was all he could say before it happened.
Pupiless lavender eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight as the brunette quickly swung a huge flounder at the blonde, knocking him out cold. Then delicately the chocolate haired merman stepped over the graceless body of the blonde human with a huff. His hand carelessly tossed the still flopping yellow and blue striped flounder to the side.
"Damn it Gaara, you're too old to be caught in a fishnet," the brunette scolded as he came further into the house.
The red head shrugged nonchalantly as he stepped out of the bathroom if it was no sweat off his back. Gone was his fishy tail and there were two long legs similar to the slightly scaly ones of the brunette. "Took you long enough, Neji," he deadpanned while smacking off bits of rust.
"You could've easily dispatched of him and returned on your own Gaara," Neji began in on his lecture as he neatly turned around. He had seen the capture of his best friend and charge clearly from a hidden sea cave. He had hesitated to come to Gaara's rescue because the redhead was a vicious little thing who could handle himself most of the time. But surprisingly enough the blonde human refused to cower at Gaara's ferocity and there was too much daylight out to stage a rescue without fear of being spotted in his nude magnificence.
The redhead waited until the brunette disappeared out the door before he looked fondly at his blonde captive. "See you later loser prince," Gaara murmured affectionately. Then bent down to place his first ever kiss on the unconscious blonde's lips. He could barely relish in the feeling of those chapped lips against his own when suddenly he jerked his head back seconds later. His bottom lip totally bloody from the sudden bite from what he had thought was a knocked out blonde.
"This isn't fucking over, tuna breathe," spat out Naruto, smiling a bloody smile that would do Gaara proud under normal circumstances.
"I hope not," Gaara purred out dangerously. He leaned closer to the frustrating blonde before smacking his forehead against Naruto's and knocking him out cold. He then closed the door, singing under his breath, "Sha-la-la-la-la, my, oh, my, look at the boy too shy, he ain't gonna kiss the girl..."
Nope, Naruto wouldn't be kissing any girls, if Gaara had anything to say about it.
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Slippery When Wet