To live again | By : assassi Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. This story is written for fun, not money. |
! Izumo POV !
“Mmm…” It was warm. Good. Homey… I love warmth. I love the feeling of a home to belong to… Skin. Warm, naked skin under my hand. He slept; his arm was around me, not having moved at all since he pulled me into the bed last night, whispering reassuring words I so craved but did not at all deserve… I didn’t deserve him. But I wanted him. So much. I shifted a bit to get a better look at his sleeping face – wild hair, even more messy, closed eyes (has he always had those long eyelashes?), lips, slightly parted… Perfect. Almost mine, but not really. Would have been, but wouldn’t ever be now… Kami, I sound so mushy; worse than a chick… He shifted slightly and opened his eyes slowly. He almost smiled; almost. “Mornin’…”, he rasped. …There ain’t anything sexier in the world than a man’s sleepy voice… I muttered something inadequate-sounding in return. He looked at me thoughtfully. “Want eerm… some help…?” “Hm?” He shifted his hips a bit, making his point without words. Oh. I know I was blushing again. Damn it. “I eer… t-thanks, I’ll… handle it…” He sighed, rolling his eyes. “Come here…” “You d-don’t have to…” “Shhh… less talk. Haven’t had my coffee yet…”, he grumbled. I hid my smile in his shoulder as his hand slipped in my boxers; we were laying on our sides now, facing each other. His hand was big… warm…rough. It felt goooood….. “Mmmmmh!” I was biting his shoulder by this time, to muffle my moans. Just a few years ago I’d be embarrassed by how little was needed now to make me cry like a bitch. Yeah, well… I was a player back then. I’d had that almost every night. And now, before last night, it’d been months (fine, years) since I’d had anything like that… My moans, however, must have gotten him in the mood too because I felt a responding budge poking my thigh. Again, I wanted to slap myself. I’d never been a selfish lover… except… that one thrice cursed drunken time… I shook my head – now was not the time to think about it… My hand slipped into his boxers in return. All movement stopped at once. He tensed all over, his breath hitched. Was… my every touch… terrifying to him; repulsive? I was on my way to remove my hand, muttering a quiet “I’m sorry…” He exhaled shakily and said, with a voice just as trembling… “You can… go on. Just… just the front, ok!?” In a moment of clarity I understood what he must have felt – we’d done that last night too, but then he’d hold both of us. He’d been in total control. Now, control was divided in two equal parts. I had control over him as well as he had over me. I was partly in control, touching him – wherever I wanted, and it terrified him, that I might want to touch more than it was in his comfort zone. “I promise…”, I said just as shakily, hoping it’d tell him how much I just wanted to please him, how I’d do anything not to frighten or hurt him, ever again… His hand moved again, up and down, slower in the beginning, waiting for the moment when mine would move too … waiting to see if it’d be unbearable. I moved tentatively. He sped up. Ok, so I’m doing it right, yeah? It’s ok…? Should be ok…? “M-mh…” That was him! He moaned! I was doing ok, he was feeling good, it was ok! I wanted to laugh. To dance and scream from joy. Instead it only brought me closer. “I’m…”, I only managed. “Me too…”, he hissed. We both sped up… and then, just like that, we were screaming, coming together, as one. And it was… perfect. * This started happening every morning – it’s actually a bit funny how our bodies worked as if we were horny teenagers, but on the other hand I guess that’s what happens when you sleep with the guy you are at least strongly attracted to (or in my case – in love with). We’d jerk each other off, or we’d let our hips grind, creating a friction through the material of our underwear, or we’d line our erections and hold together, one hand over the other as we finished. I’d offered to suck him once, but he declined. Not that I really expected it, but he didn’t offer either. On Sunday I gained some courage and decided to try my luck. We laid facing each other, touching the other just like that first morning. He was heavy in my hand; a bit of precome was already leaking. He was panting harshly, moaning, eyes closed. I stopped all movement. His eyes immediately snapped open, questioning. I turned on my back and spread my legs, trying to ignore the blush I was sure was making my face deep red. That had always been the hardest part for me – opening up, inviting the other party in the times I’d been the bottom. I guess some guys, the more feminine amongst us, didn’t have problems with that, but I’d always seen myself as a man. And as such, it was a hard thing for me to invite another man to fuck me, good as I knew it could be for me too. With Kotetsu, given our history, it was even harder. I couldn’t meet his eyes, cowardly as I knew it was. “Come on…”, I just said, putting all my will and control in not stuttering. The bed creaked and suddenly felt lighter. My eyes immediately were on him. He’d turned his back on me, shoulders slightly hunched. “I can’t… I’m sorry, I can’t yet…”, he muttered and hastily left the room. I slowly stretched back my legs, then turned on my side and brought them to my chest, curling in a ball… trying not to feel like a whore, who’d just been told that they’re not even worth the fuck… * I hate Mondays. Mondays… should be banned. Deleted. Skipped somehow. Another boring day at the station; sitting at my desk, staring at his empty one… Watching Iruka’s glowing face. I was jealous and I hated that. I was happy for him, I really was! Damn, he was a great guy and deserved happiness more than anyone! But… looking at him and knowing that I’d never have that – could have it, but my own idiocy had made it so it was impossible now – made me feel like the lowest scum. Which I was. I knew I wouldn’t try anything anymore. I would ask for nothing from him. I’d just… give what he wants, for as long as he wanted it… or as long as I could bear. I caught myself thinking of ways to gently separate from him, before I’d fallen apart. But that was not an option either – I’d just fall apart, because I’m separated from him. It hurt to be with him and it was unbearable to be without him… I all but crawled up the stairs to my apartment that evening. I was considering a long shower… or lounging in the bathtub… accidentally drowning in it… [A.N. insert Simon Curtis – Flesh here] The beat caught me at the threshold – it sounded through the whole, semi-dark apartment, as if it was alive and that was its heartbeat. Some other electric instrument interwove with the beat as the song proceeded. I frowned a bit. “Kotetsu?”, I asked lifelessly. Something… a strong hand grabbed me and slammed me to the nearest wall, leaving me breathless. A hard body pressed to mine… and his mouth slammed onto mine. The kiss was hard and demanding, making it clear who was going to be in control. Because if nothing else, the whole setting suggested that the night wasn’t gonna end with just this one kiss… He suddenly pulled back, then pulled me from the wall. He dragged me through the living room then entered my bedroom and tossed me like a rag doll on the bed. “This is not the way into my heart, into my headWhile AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
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