Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell	By : ChaCha92 Category: Naruto AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6098 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Don't own anything in the Naruto universe. Some dude in Japan does. Make no money on my stories either.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
A/N (Revised): This chapter is a repost. I agree with some of my reviewers at fanfiction.net who stated my chapters tend to run too long.
So what I’ve done is cut this chapter in half. I thought I couldn’t originally, but turns out there was a really good point where I could do it. This is also the only story I feel I have to do this to.
As I mentioned in the original version of this A/N, Naruto is 23 her and I've more or less got to cover from the time skip in canon on. I'm not following canon in this story. It's definite AR, but I will resolve accordingly what happens to Orochimaru, the Akatsuki, etcetera. I've tried very hard to keep things interesting because I know how boring back story info can be when not done right.
One last thing. The angst gets very heavy in this chapter. There is a mention of rape. It figures significantly in my plot, but it's not the sole focus. So I won't be mentioning it every five minutes. I feel I must mention it because the tone of my story will get a little heavy before it becomes lighter again.
I hope you'll still give this story a chance and if you do, I don't think you'll be disappointed. Thank you for reading.
The weather continues being cold and frigid, but the amount of snow falling on Konoha eased up considerably since New Years. Excepting the hazards of ice patches, causing a few near accidents from careless shinobi racing across rooftops and resulting in jokes about it raining ninja, life is able to flow much more smoothly than during the blizzards.
Naruto and Ibiki see each other as frequently as possible, keeping things casual and discreet, but eventually discover how much they enjoy each other's company, resulting in sleeping together a few times as well. Both relish the fact they can be themselves around each other and that neither makes unrealistic demands of the other.
By the third week since New Years things start getting hectic as Tsunade gleefully puts Team Kakashi back on missions. She keeps things light, though, since she wants to ensure Naruto got training time. The threat of the Akatsuki looms like a dark cloud over the Jinchuriki and Naruto knows better than anyone she has to stay sharp on her toes.
Entering February, Team Kakashi is stuck mainly on escorts. Normally the biggest complainer when it came to escort missions, Naruto is uncharacteristically grateful for them. Somehow she caught some sort of virus that's wreaking major havoc with her system, causing her to constantly feel drained, which she hasn’t been able to shake and has been hindering her training. Plus, her boobs have been aching something fierce and she’s been feeling nauseas for the last few days. If that’s not irritating enough, she's practically living in the bathroom because of the constant and frequent urge to pee.
Naruto stubbornly refuses to admit she’s sick. Not only would she be dealing with the king and queen of mother hens in Kakashi and Iruka, but Tsunade would also have kittens at her being sick when they just had an unscheduled break. However, she forgets Kakashi's amazingly keen powers of observation; not taking into consideration it’d be hard for anyone not to notice her random dashes into the bushes to either throw up or urinate during missions.
Two weeks into February Kakashi had enough.
He orders Yamato, Sai and Naruto to set up their part of the camp, firmly ordering Yamato not to create his usual cabins, emphasizing their client isn’t paying for the extra perk of being provided shelter. He then converses with the merchant they’re escorting to the capital of Fire Country. While the merchant’s servants set up camp for themselves and their master, Kakashi informs him of the perimeter they set up and that they shouldn’t wander outside of that for their safety. He answers any questions and addresses any concerns the merchant might have, not failing to notice Naruto slip away into the woods several times during set up.
Once the merchant is satisfied, Kakashi excuses himself to scout the surrounding area. Instead, he hides nearby and follows Naruto on her most recent excursion into the woods.
As she disappears into a group of bushes, he waits patiently in the waning afternoon light, leaning against a tree and drawing out one of his Icha Icha to read while Naruto does her business.
Straightening out her clothes and dusting herself off while emerging from the bushes, Naruto takes a couple steps towards camp before stopping dead in her tracks when she looks up and sees Kakashi arching a brow at her over his book.
"Hey, Kakashi-sensei," she smiles with a nervous wave. "This patch of woods is sure popular."
"Mostly with you," he replies with disinterest, eyeing her shrewdly. "It's not for the view, is it?"
Chuckling while nervously rubbing the back of her head, Naruto desperately tries to come up with a good distraction when Kakashi snaps his book shut and walks off. Knowing there's no point in stalling, she sighs heavily and dejectedly follows him further away from camp. Finding a satisfactory spot to ensure privacy, he stops in another small clearing, stuffing his hands into his pocket and faces his former student.
Watching her with feigned disinterest, he lets the silence stretch out. Knowing he wants her explanation, she sighs heavily, breaking the tense silence.
"I'm sorry for disappearing so much. I haven't been feeling well. Think I caught a virus or something 'cause I keep pissing and puking a lot," she admits reluctantly, flushing slightly in embarrassment.
"How long have you been feeling this way?" he asks with a quirked brow.
"Um, nearly two weeks," Naruto admits reluctantly.
“And despite everyone noticing how much you’ve been running into the bushes, you couldn’t have said something sooner because…?” he irritably asks, causing her to cringe. “Naruto, two weeks is too long to be sick,” he scolds. “With your history you can’t try sweeping something like this under the rug, not when we’re here to help you. Iruka and I try to give you the space you need so you won’t feel smothered, but we can’t help if you don’t meet us halfway and let us, or anyone, know what’s going on.”
Looking guiltily down at her feet, she listens to him quietly read her the riot act, knowing he’s right. It pains her to hear the worry in his voice.
"I'm sorry, Kakashi,” she begins, finally raising her eyes to meet his. “I didn’t want to worry anyone, not when I honestly thought I'd be over this shit by now," she explains, running a tired hand through her hair. "'Sides, we just had an unscheduled break and I didn't want to piss off Baa-chan by taking more time off. And you know I can't slack off on training. I just can't let this slow me down."
Crossing his arms across his chest, Kakashi scrutinizes her. Although she's presenting a very good front, he can tell she's not feeling well. Not with the slight shadowing under her eyes and her sagging demeanor. Dropping his arms, he steps closer, pulling off the glove of his right hand to place it against her forehead before feeling her cheek. Not feeling a fever, he drops his hand away and pulls his glove back on while considering his options before coming to a decision.
"Since we're in the middle of a mission, Naruto, I'm going to allow you continue with us instead of forcing you to wait at the nearest inn until we get back. However, you are going to get checked out by a medic when we return home. Is that understood?"
"I don't need to see a medic!" Naruto protests. "One good night's sleep, a couple of bowls of chicken soup and I'll be fine. 'Sides, the hospital's been overrun with patients suffering from the flu. I don't have that or I'd be flat on my back. It's probably a minor bug, so why tie up a medic who could be treating someone who really needs them?"
"If you don't see a medic when we get back, I'll simply tell Tsunade-sama about it during my mission report," Kakashi threatens, refusing to budge.
"Bullshit! What do you think will happen then?” she challenges. “Baa-chan will go after your ass for letting me get sick in the first place. Do you really want to face the wrath of the ultimate mother hen of Konoha?"
Kakashi glowers at her. He hates admitting defeat, but Naruto effectively called his bluff. He also has to admit she hates being in the hospital as much as he does.
"All right,” he reluctantly concedes. “Promise me to go see a medic if you're not better after a good nights sleep."
The smirk melts into a glower as she struggles with his request before sighing in defeat.
“Alright, I promise,” she grudgingly concedes.
“Good,” he chirps cheerfully with a smile, irritating her further. “Now let’s head back to camp.” Naruto falls into step besides him when he adds, “Oh, by the way, you’re not taking a shift for watch the rest of the trip.”
“Kakashi!” she protests, stopping dead in her tracks.
A pale hand covering her mouth prevents her from saying anything more. Leaning in, he bores into her eyes, his cheerful voice belying the firm glint in his eye.
“That’s an order from your team captain, Naruto-chan,” he replies with continued false cheer. “In fact, your only duty when we set up camp each night is to sit and supervise. Is that understood?”
She only glowers before mumbling her agreement behind his hand.
“Good,” he chirps again cheerfully before removing his hand and ruffling her hair.
Within moments they return to camp, noticing Sai and Yamato already had the bedrolls set out while the merchant and his servants are a short distance away. Sai is preparing dinner on the fire as Yamato steps over from checking on the merchant after noting their return.
“I was wondering what happened to you two,” Yamato comments, joining them to settle around the campfire.
“I was keeping an eye on Naruto since she’s not feeling well,” Kakashi explains, ignoring the evil glare she threw at him.
She knows exactly why he said that. The silver haired bastard knew they'd be keeping a close eye on her when he couldn't.
At Yamato’s concerned look she sighs, “It’s not the flu or anything real bad, just something that’s knocking me for a bit of a loop.”
“Enough to cause her to constantly keep running into the bushes to pee or puke for the past couple of weeks,” Kakashi supplies helpfully, earning another blue-eyed glare.
“That doesn’t sound like a minor ailment, Naruto,” Yamato observes in concern. “I can create a clone to escort you back to Konoha to get checked out.”
“I don’t need a medic!” Naruto snarls. Noticing Kakashi’s contemplative expression she incredulously asks, “You’re not seriously considering it, are you?”
“It’s a good suggestion,” he begins before she cuts him off.
“You agreed to let me continue with the mission if I promised to go to a medic if I don’t feel better after a goodnight’s rest!” she vehemently hisses.
Kakashi holds up his hands placatingly while Yamato chuckles at her glower.
“I know and I’m not going back on our agreement,” he reminds her. “I was just teasing.”
Naruto growls in irritation as Sai hands her a plate of stew then hands the other two men their plates.
Sitting down, Sai takes a couple bites of the stew before speaking.
“Maybe Naruto has finally snapped and her illness is psychosomatic.”
“If that’s the case then you’ll be the first I go nuts on and tear into itty, bitty teeny pieces, you idiot!” she snaps.
Kakashi and Yamato chuckle at their antics before the younger jounin volunteers his thoughts.
"Naruto's legitimately sick, but her symptoms can easily apply to a number of different ailments such as some sort of internal infection to pregnancy."
The word 'pregnancy' captures Naruto's undivided attention, but Sai beats her and asks about it first.
"I thought women mostly suffered from 'morning sickness' when pregnant?"
"A kunoichi I know who was pregnant recently suffered from all those symptoms plus bloating, a heightened sense of smell, heartburn and indigestion," Yamato explains between bites of stew. "Those symptoms weren't restricted to the mornings either. She had them at all hours of the day and night until the end of her first trimester. In fact, she thought she caught the flu at first until she finally went to see a medic who shocked her when they said she was pregnant."
“I don’t understand how she didn’t realize she was pregnant,” Sai muses. “Wouldn’t there have been something that hinted to the possibility?” he asks Yamato.
Before Yamato can reply, Naruto interrupts.
“Does anyone want to finish the rest of my stew? I can’t eat anymore.”
“Are you okay?” Kakashi asks in concern while Sai takes her plate.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she smiles. “More tired than hungry. I think I’m gonna lay down.”
“Go ahead,” Kakashi nods before turning to Yamato. “I’m finished eating too, so I’ll take the first shift while you two finish up. Sai takes the next and you have the last one.”
Naruto hears Yamato’s acknowledgement as she moves over to her bedroll nearby. Settling in with her back to the remaining two men, she listens to Sai continue asking Yamato about pregnant women and their symptoms, hanging onto every word.
The remainder of the mission goes in a smooth blur as Naruto quietly obsesses over Yamato's pointing out her symptoms are also associated with pregnancy. She never considered the possibility and is absolutely terrified of the idea. Since her team knows she's sick, they don't question her subdued behavior, thankfully leaving her alone to her thoughts.
However, as much as she wants to deny it, she recalls she and Ibiki never used protection once. It isn't like she’s so naïve that she doesn't know about contraception. Before she left on her training trip with Ero-sennin, she briefly tried birth control at Tsunade's insistence. The blonde knew her former teammate too well and that it was very unlikely the young teen would return a virgin.
Unfortunately, Naruto didn't react well to any of the medications they tried. Tsunade finally resorted to forcing her to sit through a safe sex lecture, including a hilariously embarrassing demonstration using bananas to show how to use a condom. Naruto never looked at bananas the same way again. As the final nail in that proverbial coffin, Tsunade gifted Naruto with a multi-pack of condoms right before she left with Jiraiya.
During the mission Naruto struggles to keep from panicking. Getting tested by a medic is definitely out of the question. Even if the results are negative, the fact she's getting tested will make it's way out into the gossip grapevine and she doesn't want anyone speculating on her personal business. She especially doesn't want Baa-chan knowing. The blonde became obsessively protective of her after her breakdown a few years ago and Naruto knows she'll be questioned within an inch of her life about every particular.
Her only option is to purchase a home pregnancy test. To buy one, however, she’ll have to wear a henge. Someone recognizing her and seeing what she's buying would be just as bad as getting tested at the hospital.
Having decided on what to do eases her fears somewhat. She's still at a loss at to what to do if she is pregnant. Her mind buzzed with questions she doesn't have the answers to. Like how will she take care of the baby? How is she going stay out of clutches of the Akatsuki during her pregnancy? How can she keep some pissed off villager from hurting the baby? What in the hell is she going to tell Ibiki? Each question leads to others and it’s overwhelming.
So, thinking now is a bad time to be pregnant would be the understatement of the year. That's not even taking into account all the old shit from the past few years resurfacing with a vengeance. It is all Naruto can do to keep from having a panic attack.
Days later when they finally return home late one morning Kakashi pounces on her as soon as they enter the main gates.
“Okay, Naruto, go straight home and rest,” he orders. “We’ll report in to Tsunade-sama and say you’re not feeling well since you’re not with us.” At her irritated scowl, he adds, “She’s going to notice, but I’ll downplay your symptoms so she doesn’t send ANBU to drag you to the hospital.”
“She’ll probably dismiss sending Naruto home as you being overprotective, sempai,” Yamato adds.
“Yeah, probably,” Naruto sighs. “Thanks.”
She waves as she heads straight to her apartment, grateful to finally be alone. Once safely inside, she tries relaxing and focusing her thoughts with meditation and a nap, but finds it hard to do either when she feels like puking just about every minute.
Finally fed up, Naruto sneaks out through a window and in a shadowed alley around the corner, she henges into a very ordinary looking brunette. Heading to the nearest market she spends several minutes looking through all the different pregnancy tests before deciding on the two easiest to use, boasting the highest accuracy rate.
Returning home through the same window an hour later, she shuts it just as someone knocks loudly on her front door, startling her.
“Naruto?” Iruka’s voice drifts through the door. “Open up. I know you’re home.”
“Shit!” Naruto hisses as she frantically races to the kitchen to stuff the tests into the spice cabinet.
Taking a deep, calming breath despite Iruka knocking again, she steps briefly into the bathroom and flushes the toilet, knowing the older woman would hear it. Stepping out she crosses the room to open the door.
“Hi, Iruka,” Naruto greets cheerfully.
“Hi, Naruto,” Iruka greets back, stepping inside and closing the door behind her.
Crossing her arms, the academy sensei eyes the young redhead shifting uncomfortably under her scrutinizing gaze, mentally noting the subtle signs of illness.
"Kakashi stopped by the academy on the way home from reporting in to Tsunade-sama and told me what’s going on. Why didn't you say something, Naruto?" she asks in quiet concern.
Naruto would've preferred if Iruka yelled at her. She knows she isn't in as much trouble and doesn't feel as guilty as she does with such a quiet admonishment. She figures Kakashi probably told his lover the excuses she already used on him and doesn't waste her breath repeating them.
"I'm fine, nee-chan,” she reassures her. “I just need some sleep." At Iruka's skeptical look, Naruto sighs wearily, adding, "I'm not trying to hide anything from you guys. I don’t want you worrying about stupid shit. I'm mostly feeling rundown and you know I usually bounce back after a good nights rest."
Iruka eyes Naruto. The younger woman is clearly preparing to dig in her heels, but she also realizes Naruto is being honest.
"Are you sure? You can come over and stay with us so we can take care of you," she suggests hopefully.
“Thanks,” Naruto smiles fondly. "But I’m sure. I swear I'm just gonna park my ass here and sleep the rest of the day away. I’ll be over this in no time and if not, I promised Kakashi I’d see a medic if I’m not better by tomorrow morning."
Aware this is as good as she's going to get, Iruka sighs in resignation and steps forward to give Naruto a hug.
"All right. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?"
"Don't worry, nee-chan, I'll be fine," Naruto assures her, returning the hug.
Releasing her, Iruka reluctantly leaves. After securing the door, Naruto immediately draws all the curtains closed, wanting to make sure no one will think she’s awake. Grabbing the pregnancy tests from the spice cabinet she rushes to the bathroom and locks herself inside.
Not wishing to screw up the tests, Naruto reads the instructions very carefully before using both of them. She's practically jumping with anxiety as she waits several minutes for the results. When they show, she stares for what feels like an eternity in disbelieving horror at the two positives before slowly sinking to the bathroom floor and sobbing over the closed lid of the toilet.
Naruto has no idea how long she cried before passing out, but takes the opportunity to withdraw further into her mind to pay her tenant a visit. She rarely speaks to the demon anymore, not wanting to deal with its mind games. Besides, it never willingly helps, so she feels no need to speak to it if she doesn't have to.
When she arrives in the sewers and approaches the cage, she's surprised the fox is waiting.
Red eyes eerily glow from behind the bars of its cage, studying her before finally speaking.
"I've been waiting for you to learn you were pregnant and come to see me."
Naruto glares angrily at the bane of her existence.
"The only reason I came down here, furball, is to warn you. Don't interfere or hurt the baby in any way shape or form. It's my baby and I decide what happens. If you try anything, you'll regret it. Got it?" she growls menacingly.
The fox closes its eyes briefly with a nod.
"I have no intention of doing anything. I learned my lesson and understand, as you put it, that you call the shots. It is why I did not attempt to make contact with you mentally sooner. I wanted to prove my compliance so I could offer my help if you need it. You are well aware I do not want to die, so I will do whatever it takes to make certain you do not."
"Fuck off!" Naruto shouts at the demon in near hysteria. "I don't want a damn thing from you except to leave me and the baby alone. You've already fucked up my life, but I'll be goddamned if I let you hurt the baby!"
Not giving the Kyuubi a chance to reply, Naruto leaves the seal quickly.
Naruto woke up immediately with a major headache. Uncertain whether she can take anything, she merely climbs off the bathroom floor, snagging a washcloth and wetting it. Leaving the bathroom she lies down on her bed, draping the washcloth across her eyes, focusing on relaxing.
It’s dark when she finally gets up. She couldn’t get any sleep, but her headache abated and she had decided what to do next. Grabbing her woolen, hooded cloak, she leaves her apartment.
Although the skies are clear and liberally dusted with countless stars, the biting cold keeps saner people inside their warm homes, which suits Naruto just fine. She doesn’t want to chance running into someone she knows.
Within minutes she arrives at a medium sized, wood frame house located near the woods on the outer edge of the village. Stepping onto the small porch she feels her resolve weakening. She manages as far as the front door, raising a hand to knock before backing up and turning to leave. Stepping off the last step onto solid ground she forces herself to turn around and try again. She ends up wasting several minutes repeating the attempt to knock or leave.
"Isn't it a bit cold to hang outside my door, Naruto?" Yamato’s amused voice startles her as she tries leaving again.
She whirls around as Yamato steps around the corner of the house with a teasing grin tugging at his lips. Paralyzed by her indecisiveness and feeling like she's busted in the middle of a prank, she feels distinctly small and vulnerable.
His perceptive eyes note it all. His smile drops into a concerned frown.
"Naruto?" he gently prods.
Her eyes can’t hold his concerned gaze and fall guiltily to the ground. She shifts uneasily from foot to foot, struggling against the desperate urge to flee as he steps closer.
"Naruto? What's wrong?" he asks worriedly.
She finally manages to hold his gaze.
"Sorry for bothering you so late, but I really need to talk to you," she answers tremulously.
Without another word, Yamato places a hand on her back and gently ushers her inside.
Knocking on the front door draws Iruka out from the hallway into the living room, wondering who’d be visiting so early on a Saturday morning. Crossing the room she wonders if it’s a summons for Kakashi. Reaching the door, she opens it and gapes in surprise to see a serious Yamato standing next to a subdued Naruto.
Recovering her senses, she steps off to the side.
“Come in you two.”
Yamato gently guides Naruto to the sofa, causing Iruka to frown in concern as she closes the door. The redhead settles on the center cushion while Yamato sits to her left. Figuring neither has probably eaten due to the early hour, Iruka decides to make sure they have something in their system before finding out what’s wrong to bring them here like this.
“Would either of you like something to drink or eat?”
“I don’t want anything, thank you, but crackers and juice for Naruto would be great,” Yamato suggests, causing Naruto to glare at him in annoyance.
Relieved Naruto is reacting normally Iruka nods and briefly disappears into the kitchen, returning moments later with a glass of cranberry juice and a plate of wheat crackers. She firmly places them in Naruto’s hands with a look daring her to refuse. While Naruto grudgingly eats and sips her juice, Iruka sits down to her right.
“How are you feeling today? You still look really tired.”
"Not any better," Naruto reluctantly admits between bites. "And not likely to improve anytime soon either."
Kakashi enters the room from the hallway at that moment.
"Guess your next stop is the hospital then."
Sighing heavily, Naruto sets the plate of crackers down on the kotatsu in front of her next to the glass of juice. Grabbing a throw pillow from behind her, she clutches it to her stomach and slouches deeper into the sofa.
"Not until I tell you guys what I came to say."
Confused, Iruka and Kakashi share a look. Stepping around the low table, Kakashi pushes the plate and glass out of the way to park himself on the kotatsu between the two women. Neither fails to notice Yamato placing a reassuring hand on Naruto’s shoulder.
Straightening up from her slouch, she shifts her right leg, bending it to rest on the sofa to face Iruka better. Clutching the cushion tighter, she takes a deep shaky breath.
"The reason I've been sick lately is I'm pregnant. I took a couple of home pregnancy tests yesterday and they were positive."
The silence stretches uncomfortably out as Kakashi and Iruka digest the news. Naruto's gaze drops to her lap, unable to look at them. Kakashi is the first to recover from his shock, clearing his throat a little.
"Who's the father?"
Taking another deep breath Naruto quietly states, "Ibiki."
Kakashi and Iruka only manage to gape stupidly at her in shock. If the situation weren’t so serious, Yamato would’ve laughed at their expressions. He can’t remember seeing Kakashi ever look like that. Out of all the possibilities, neither sensei expected her to say that name. They would've been less shocked if she named Yamato. Iruka is the first to recover this time, unable to resist spitting out the questions.
"How long were you two together? Does he know yet? Are you two planning on raising the baby together? What…"
Holding up a hand, Naruto cuts her off.
"I'll get into the details later, but, no, he doesn't know. There's something more important I have to say and it's really hard 'cause it's something I never wanted anyone to know. Ever."
She pauses to take another deep breath before looking at a solemn looking Kakashi and Iruka.
"I need you to listen and not interrupt.” Her worried gaze shifts between them. “I'm not sure I can do this. The tests freaked me out and I had to go to Yamato last night for help. I didn't come to you 'cause I was worried about your reactions. Yamato was the only person I could think of who wouldn't fly off the handle."
Seeing she has their full attention Naruto closes her eyes briefly to take several deep, calming breaths. She feels Yamato squeeze her shoulder reassuringly and reluctantly opens her eyes.
"This isn't the first time I've been pregnant," she begins quietly. "When Orochimaru captured me five years ago, he claimed he was intending to use me for leverage with the Akatsuki. It's what he wanted Konoha to believe so I'd get rescued. The real reason was for Sasuke."
Naruto pauses again, struggling to take a couple, deep shaky breaths.
"Sasuke spent the entire time repeatedly raping me, trying to get me pregnant," she explains softly into the stunned silence. Unable to meet anyone’s gaze, her eyes remain downcast. "He made a deal with Orochimaru. If the snake helped him restart his clan he'd have the added bonus of a future Uchiha or two to take over later. What Orochimaru didn't know was Sasuke had no intention of letting him take over his body and planned on returning to Konoha after he took care of Itachi. He just wanted to restart the clan just in case he didn't survive either situation."
Taking a few more deep breaths Naruto finally forces herself to meet their concerned gazes.
"I'm sorry for lying,” she whispers hoarsely. “I couldn't believe Sasuke would do that. He kept saying I should be honored he chose me to become his clan matriarch. He needed an equal and decided I was his."
Blue eyes drop again and in a softer, emotion filled voice she continues.
"I kept begging him to stop. That he should return home and restart his clan the right way, not force anyone to do it."
Tears spill from her eyes when she shakes her head.
"He refused to listen. He said he was just claiming what was rightfully his and would later reclaim me once he finished fulfilling his oaths."
Looking down in shame, Naruto apologizes again.
"I'm so sorry for lying and for being such a failure," she whispers.
Swallowing the brick in her throat, Iruka's barely steady voice asks, "How are you a failure? Sasuke's the failure."
Agonized blue meet worried brown.
"I didn't keep my promise to bring Sasuke back,” she explains, desperately shaking her head. “I-I didn't save him from the darkness. Worst of all, I was too damn weak to stop him from doing that to me. I not only failed my team, I failed the village by not stopping him."
Unable to hold Iruka's gaze, Naruto stares down at the pillow she was clutching. She's surprised when she feels strong arms wrap around her shoulders.
"No way in hell you’re a failure,” Kakashi's voice softly declares in her ear. “None of this is your fault."
Unable to hold it together anymore Naruto breaks down, resting her forehead against his shoulder as she cries. It takes several minutes before she struggles to pull herself together.
"You should lie down and save the rest for later, Naruto," Yamato gently suggests.
Shaking her head against Kakashi's shoulder, Naruto hoarsely replies, "No, I’ve got to say everything now."
After a few deep, calming breaths she straightens in Kakashi's hold. He's kneeling on the floor next to her, refusing to release her. She still feels Yamato's hand on her shoulder and swallows thickly before continuing.
"Even though it didn't seem that way, Orochimaru allowed my rescue. When they knew you guys were on your way, Sasuke had Kabuto heal any signs of rape. They wanted to make sure there wasn't a reason for a medic to check and discover the pregnancy and abort it."
Naruto's expression darkens at the memory.
"Sasuke really screwed with my head. Enough to where I wouldn't be able to decide right away to keep the baby or not. It was way too early to tell, but both were sure I was pregnant. They wanted to give time for the pregnancy to take without outside interference or having to use a jutsu 'cause a jutsu can be detected and broken. That didn't stop them from beating the crap out of me, adding to the injuries they already inflicted so it'd look like they just tortured me, nothing else."
She sighs wearily while rubbing a hand across her forehead.
"Since I couldn't admit Sasuke would do that to me and didn't say anything, no one could check. It was less real, like a nightmare. Wasn't long before the fox clued me in I was pregnant. Then I couldn't ignore reality anymore. I didn't know what the hell to do and it didn't help that was when Sakura was at her worst."
She pauses to take another shuddering breath.
"Part of me wanted so bad to tell the idiot exactly what kind of scum her dream guy really was, but I knew that would translate in Sakura's mind as a lie or a declaration I was after Sasuke." Naruto rolls her eyes at the memory before. "Sakura was easy to ignore. What she said and did bugged me, but I had other things to worry about. Like deciding what to do. Admit to being pregnant and what Sasuke did and keep the baby or get an abortion. It was hard to decide and I kept going back and forth. The fox kept encouraging me to abort the pregnancy because having his child was just asking for trouble, but the baby was also mine. I couldn't just do that."
Naruto falls quiet for several minutes. The three older shinobi give her time, watching in concern.
"Finally the fox got fed up and decided for me,” her shaky voice admits quietly. “It caused a miscarriage.” She pauses again to take a slow, deep breath. “I started bleeding and cramping bad one night. It was so bad I couldn't even make it out of the bathroom, much less to the hospital. So I spent the entire night curled up on the floor, crying in pain and looking like I drove a kunai between my legs."
Naruto closes her eyes against the memory as more tears spilled over her cheeks.
Kakashi squeezes her reassuringly. She opens her eyes after a few minutes, her voice low and mournful.
"By morning it was too late. The fox healed me so it wouldn't show I miscarried.” Anger seeps into her voice. “I was so mad because the damn furball was so smug about it, thinking it had done me a huge favor since I'm apparently too stupid to decide for myself. So I had to punish the fox."
Realization lights up Iruka's eyes and she hesitantly asks, "Is that why you tried killing yourself."
Meeting her gaze, Naruto reluctantly nods before taking another deep breath.
"It wasn't because I was having trouble dealing with being captured or Sakura's shit. Being born of chakra and sealed separately, the fox can't feel pain. The idiots who kept attacking me over the years thought they were punishing the fox. It can't feel squat. I feel the pain and bleed, but the damn fox is quite safe and comfortable inside its cage. It does fear dying 'cause if I die, it dies. That's why it'll heal me if I suffer a serious injury. The fox was being such a smug bastard and I realized there was nothing to stop it from ever doing it again. It didn't care what I wanted or if I was upset or hurt because of it and its actions. And knowing there's a demon inside of you that can't control you or break free but can do something like that is a really horrible feeling. So I punished the fox, targeting the one thing it valued, it’s life."
Naruto lets Kakashi and Iruka absorb her words before continuing in a softer voice.
"I wasn't expecting to be saved. I made peace with my choice and planned it so I wouldn't survive. But I did and everyone assumed it was because of all the shit from my capture. I probably should've admitted the truth then, but was ashamed at not having control over anything. I couldn't keep Sasuke from raping me and I couldn't keep the fox from making me miscarry."
Unable to hold back, Naruto cries silently for several minutes before pulling it together again.
"When I saw the results of the pregnancy tests yesterday, all that crap came rushing back. I didn't know what the hell to do. I did warn the fox not to do anything to the baby. Whatever I decide is my choice, but I won't tolerate it interfering."
"Does that mean you'll try killing yourself again?" Kakashi asks quietly.
Naruto meets his gaze and nods.
"I don’t know if I can live through another miscarriage, especially if the fox causes it."
"Does this mean you'll keep the baby?" Iruka asks.
"I don't know how the hell I'll do it, but yeah, I'm keeping it." Naruto sighs heavily, wiping more wetness from her eyes. "After I saw the test results, I was so anxious that I needed to talk to Yamato. I hadn't planned on telling the truth, but it was eating away at me and I finally had to tell someone. But afterward I still really couldn't face you two alone. So Yamato brought me here today to tell you."
Kakashi pulls her tighter into his hug and Iruka slides forward to join them as they both quietly offer their support. Yamato keeps his hand on Naruto's shoulder as she huddles further in their protective embrace.
After a few minutes Iruka pulls back and smoothes Naruto's red hair out of her face.
"You should go take a nap. We can talk more when you wake up."
Emotionally drained and exhausted, Naruto nods. Kakashi stands up first, taking her hand to help her up while Iruka and Yamato rise to their feet.
"I should get going then," Yamato informs them.
Smiling softly, Naruto reaches out to hug him.
“Thanks.”
Yamato returns her hug. Pulling back he gently smiles at her.
"You're not alone in this," he reminds her. "We'll help you through this."
Nodding, Naruto turns, taking Iruka’s proffered hand as she leads her out of the room.
As he walks Yamato to the door, Kakashi quietly asks, "Did Naruto stay the night at your place?"
Yamato nods.
"I refused to allow her to be alone after what she told me, sempai. She was strung so tight I was too afraid to chance it, so I made her stay and had a clone stand guard outside just in case she tried sneaking out."
"Good thinking,” Kakashi nods in approval. “Thank you for taking care of her."
"You and Iruka aren't the only ones who worry and fuss over her," Yamato smiles at the older jounin before leaving.
Kakashi closes the front door and steps back into the living room as Iruka reenters from the hallway. Without a word she walks into his embrace as they silently comfort each other.
Finally she mumbles into his shoulder, "Just when I thought Naruto was basically free of the turmoil and able to live her life like everyone else, some stupid shit pops up to send her back to the edge. Hasn't she suffered more than enough?"
"What's worse is that none of it is her fault,” he sighs heavily, resting his cheek against her forehead. “She’s forced into these situations and suffers long afterward. Times like this makes me consider taking her and going missing nin to somewhere far away where she can live as far from the ninja life as she can get."
"If you ever follow through with it, don't forget me," Iruka lifts her head to smile up at him.
"Never," Kakashi mutters, tightening his hold. "Did Naruto go to sleep?"
"As soon as her head hit the pillow. She was so emotionally exhausted it's not even funny." Sighing heavily, Iruka adds, "We're going to have a hell of a time convincing her she didn't fail anyone, not even herself. That's with Inoichi's help."
Kakashi nods, quietly stating, "I failed her in so many ways, more than she thinks she failed us."
"How in the hell have you failed her?" Iruka demands, tensing in his arms. "Even when I got on your ass for letting Sakura relentlessly browbeat her, you still delivered when it counted."
Kakashi contemplates her words for a moment.
"I promised Minato-sensei I’d take care of Naruto and protect her, yet she was still attacked and shunned for doing the job he had to force on her. Then I focused too much on Sasuke, trying to keep the little deviant from leaving, wasting all that time trying to teach him the Will of Fire. Unfortunately, he turned into a true blue, traitorous Uchiha. I wish Itachi had done us all a favor and killed the little fucker when he had the chance." Kakashi's gaze darkens and Iruka feels him struggling to control his murderous intent. "Then I failed to keep Orochimaru from kidnapping her for the little shit. To top it all off, I failed to realize there was something wrong and she needed help. Anyway you look at it, I failed Naruto in the worst possible way."
"Bullshit! Like hell you did!" Iruka spits, taking him by surprise. "If you think you failed Naruto, then you're not alone. I've got to take some of the blame because as a sensei I was supposed to treat all the students equally, but I used to disregard Naruto just as much as the other senseis. I didn't even try to tutor Naruto so she could do better, completely ignoring the fact she was unable to ask for help out of fear of being punished."
Scowling at herself, Iruka looks off to the side.
"Deep down I stupidly blamed her for the death of my parents and all of the shinobi who died the night the fox attacked. I also failed to do my part to try and turn Sasuke around. I noticed how arrogant and aloof he was acting. Maybe if I tried a little less misplaced sympathy and corrected his misguided belief he was entitled to success without earning it, he wouldn't have gone south the way he did."
Looking back at her lover, Iruka arches a brow.
"While you're at it, you might as well blame the Yondaime, the Sandaime, the Godaime and just about every living shinobi old enough to have been there that night. And even at that, how in the hell was anyone supposed to know Sasuke was capable of this shit? As it was, people were taking bets he was gay because he showed zero interest in the opposite sex. So you need to get off the damn cross and stop being a martyr, Kakashi, somebody else needs the wood."
Kakashi blinks in shock before sighing.
"You're right,” he reluctantly concedes. “There's no point wasting time placing the blame when Naruto needs us now." Grinning, he quips, "I like it when you're forceful." Dropping his hands to her butt, he gives it a good squeeze and leers. "Maybe there's a few other things you need to be forceful with me on."
Arching a brow in disbelief before smirking and shaking her head, Iruka leans in to give him a chaste kiss.
"Remember the last time Naruto was over and walked in on us? In her current state, do you really think it's a good idea to indulge in that now?"
Kakashi considers it before sighing in defeat, grudgingly nodding with a pout. Another leer lights up his face as he leans in.
"Even if she stays over tonight, that's what silencing jutsu are for."
A furious blush spreads across Iruka's face before she recovers her senses enough to smack him on the shoulder.
"Let's have lunch before Naruto wakes up."
While Naruto rests, Iruka spends the time sitting at the dining room table in front of the patio door catching up on paperwork and grading. Meanwhile Kakashi spends it stretched out on the sofa across the room, thinking. He briefly contemplated paying a visit to the memorial stone, but stayed in case Naruto wakes up. The living needs his help more than the dead need his time.
His thoughts remain firmly focused on Team 7. He wonders if everyone would've been better off if he failed them like all the others. However, he knew that probably would've been the kiss of death to Naruto's career. She would've been sent back to the academy where the sensei might've decided to make it even harder for her to pass. Being a ninja gave her a purpose and a reason to keep improving. Besides, unlike the others he failed, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura understood the meaning of being a team, even if only for a moment.
No matter how many times he mentally replays those years he can't figure out what he could've done differently. There were too many uncontrollable factors, the most prominent being Orochimaru. The sannin was determined to have Sasuke by any means necessary, so even if he hadn't nominated the team for the chuunin exam, the snake would've found a way to get his slimy claws on the boy. Factor in the deeply ingrained Uchiha clan attitude of superiority, the massacre, Itachi, plus the pampering and spoiling by the village and Sasuke was doomed from the start.
Sometimes Kakashi wonders if Sasuke would've turned out differently if the Sandaime insisted he move in with a guardian after the massacre. However, he just as quickly realizes he probably wouldn't.
Kakashi just never imagined how much Naruto would suffer because of so many unrelated events. It pains him to think of all those years she endured her pain solitarily in silence because she either didn't know who to turn to or was afraid of their reaction. He recalls thinking it ironic when she once said she didn't like to complain because she felt she was being a burden. It's hard to be a burden when there isn't anyone there for her to be a burden on in the first place.
Yet despite her pain and agony, Kakashi can't be prouder to call Naruto his student. She shone brighter than any of his other so-called students with their superior breeding and intellect. He knew her parents and the Sandaime would be exceptionally proud of the young woman she's grown into. He just regrets that he can't claim to have a hand in helping her. Naruto did that all by herself.
As much as he tries avoiding it, his mind drifts to her breakdown five years ago. He counts that day among the worst in his life along with days Obito, Rin and his father died as well as the Kyuubi attack.
The typically mundane morning found Kakashi meandering through the same aimless routine he currently followed on his days off thanks to having more spare time than usual since leading Yamato and Team 8 in rescuing Naruto from Orochimaru weeks ago.
Normally the majority of his time would be working with Naruto to improve her skills when not out on missions, but that was currently impossible since she was still on strict mandatory medical leave while recovering from her ordeal.
It was clear she was having trouble in the wake of her rescue. Didn't help Sakura was being a bitch of the worst kind, but since Naruto was in counseling with Inoichi, Kakashi believed, like everyone else, she was already on her way to full recovery.
As the day wore on, however, he couldn't shake the growing sense of foreboding and it irritated him that he couldn’t figure out why. He shrugged it off, figuring if the village were to be attacked, he’d be ready. Still, the feeling unsettled him enough where he didn't bother stopping by the memorial stone that morning as planned.
Instead, he wandered over to the Tower to see if anything interesting was happening, trying to find something to distract himself from his growing anxiety. Tsunade promptly took advantage of his availability and sent him on a mundane errand to the academy. Humoring his Hokage, he headed over to the academy. After finishing his task, he ran into Iruka in the hallway on his way out.
“Good morning, Kakashi-sensei,” she greeted in pleased surprise.
“Good morning, Iruka-sensei,” he greeted back pleasantly with a nod.
He watched Iruka hesitate for a moment before meeting his inscrutable gaze.
"I have a favor to ask, Kakashi-sensei. Would you please stop by Naruto's apartment and check on her?"
At the arched silver brow, she flushed slightly in embarrassment before explaining.
"Naruto asked me to stop by later today, but a last minute mandatory meeting after school came up." She paused before reluctantly adding, "I have a bad feeling and would feel better if someone checked on her sooner."
Kakashi silently regarded the worried academy sensei. Iruka had been steadily coming down on his ass lately for not trying to rein in Sakura's bad behavior toward Naruto. However, instead of blowing off her admonishments, he spent time discussing Naruto with her. The younger brunette opened his eyes to his shortcomings, so he wasn't going to refuse her request.
"Alright, I'll go check on her right now," he assured her much to her relief.
Without delay, he went as promised straight to Naruto's apartment. The urgency grew like a dead weight in his stomach on his way and the foreboding only intensified when his student didn't answer the door after he knocked. He used to just spontaneously pop in through a window, but after her capture he stopped because she reacted very badly to him just appearing. However, he knew better than to ignore his instincts and quickly broke in through a window.
Climbing inside, he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Her apartment was typically messy. As usual there were empty ramen boxes littering the table, but it bothered him that he didn’t see her. Glancing over at the closed bathroom door, he arched a brow before stepping over to knock. Receiving no answer, he knocked louder.
“Naruto?”
Still no answer. He knocked again.
“Naruto, I know you’re in there. Iruka can’t make it later and asked me to check on you.”
He could feel her chakra and knew she was inside. Briefly he debated on what to do, but the oppressive unease made up his mind for him. Clutching the doorknob he tried opening the door and growled in irritation because it was locked. Channeling chakra, he broke it off. She could yell at him later for that and invading her privacy.
When he opened the door, time immediately froze.
Kneeling on the floor, her body was slumped over the edge of the bathtub. Next to her knees lay a discarded, bloody kunai. Her head was submerged in the crimson tinged water, red hair fanning out on the surface as clouds of blood steadily dispersed from deeply slashed wrists.
Stepping forward, Kakashi knelt down and pulled her out, laying her flat out on her back. Snatching a couple of towels off the shelf built into the sinks vanity counter he tied off each wrist to stop the bleeding. Positioning his hands at the correct spot on her diaphragm, he began a quick succession of compressive thrusts. Slipping his mask down, he reached out to angle her head back slightly, brushing wet hair off her face then pinching her nose closed before leaning down to cover her mouth with his to breathe air into her lungs. When nothing happened, he resumed compression, alternating with breathing into her mouth.
“Come on, Naruto!” Kakashi frantically encouraged while compressing her chest. Noting the bluish cast to her skin and the towels on her wrist darkening to a deeper crimson he growls, “Don’t die on me too!”
It felt like an eternity before her body arched up in a spasm, prompting him to quickly roll her onto her side as she finally vomited water and started coughing.
Rolling her onto her back again, he checked her unconscious form to see if she was actually breathing and the vein in her neck for a pulse before gathering her up in his arms. Leaving the bathroom he leaped through the window and raced to the hospital.
Genma spotted him and joined him in his mad dash across the rooftops, trying to figure out why he was carrying Naruto. Emerging from one of their favorite restaurants, Asuma and his team spotted the trio. Sharing confused and concerned looks they promptly followed.
Bursting into the hospital, Kakashi strode toward the doors leading to the exam rooms.
“Sir! You can’t go in there! Patients have to be checked in first before treatment,” the stupid little desk jockey declared, racing around the desk to try blocking his way only to come up short at his fierce glare.
Not slowing his stride he growled, “Get Tsunade.”
Ignoring the now terrified woman, he stepped through the door into the next hallway just as Shizune happened to be striding down from the other end. Her sharp eyes took everything in instantly.
“Take her into that exam room,” she ordered, pointing to the second door on his right. He immediately complied. “Someone summon Tsunade-sama now and I need a team to exam room 2!” she called out before following after Kakashi.
He settled Naruto onto the bed as Shizune and two attendants enter, stepping back to give them room as the brunette began examining the unconscious redhead.
“What happened, Kakashi?” she asked, leaning over Naruto to check her pupils with a flashlight.
Taking a deep breath, he’s interrupted when Tsunade strode into the room.
“What the hell is going on?” she demanded, sucking in a sharp breath when she saw who her patient was.
“Kakashi brought Naruto in and was about to give his report,” Shizune explained.
Stepping back to allow her mentor to begin her examination, Shizune started removing the towels to look at Naruto’s wrists.
Tsunade glanced up briefly at Kakashi. He nodded at the silent order and began reporting.
“After completing your errand to the academy, I encountered Iruka-sensei on my way out. Naruto asked her to visit after work, but due to a last minute meeting she couldn’t make it. At her request, I went to go check on Naruto. When she didn’t answer the door, I broke in and found her in the bathroom. The tub was full of water and she was slumped over the edge, her head completely submerged. Both arms were in the water and her wrists were slashed and bleeding heavily. I pulled her out, tied off her wrists and initiated CPR. When she vomited water and started coughing I confirmed there was a pulse then brought her in.”
“Great job, Kakashi,” Tsunade tensely compliments while continuing to check Naruto’s unconscious form. “Now get out and let us do ours.”
He hesitated. He wanted to stay, but grudgingly accepted there was nothing he could do. Not when the best medic in the country and her equally competent assistant were fervently working on Naruto. He watched them for a few moments before silently dragging himself out, not wanting to get in their way.
Emerging back into the waiting area, he was surprised to see Genma, Asuma and his team anxiously waiting for him. Asuma answered his silent question.
“We saw you running across the roofs carrying Naruto,” he explained. “Genma had seen you first and was hot on your heels. What the hell happened?”
Sighing heavily, Kakashi moved further into the waiting room to sit down, prompting them all to settle around him before he told them.
“Naruto tried killing herself,” he said, stunning everyone.
Ino was the first the recover somewhat.
“W-why?”
“I don’t know,” Kakashi answered honestly.
“No way!” Choji protested. “Naruto wouldn’t do that!”
Shikamaru placed calming hand on his friend’s shoulder.
“Kakashi-sensei wouldn’t say that without reason, Choji,” he explained. Turning his shrewd gaze to Kakashi he asked, “Can you give us more details why you think Naruto tried killing herself?”
Kakashi reluctantly nodded before filling them in. The silence stretched out when he finished.
“I should probably send for Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi finally mused aloud, drawing a kunai from a sheath.
Genma’s hand stopped him. He looked up in confusion at the Tokubetsu jounin standing next to him.
“I’ll tell Iruka. She shouldn’t hear news like this from a summons. You stay here.”
Relief showed in Kakashi’s visible eye as he nodded his thanks. Genma nodded back before leaving.
No one was surprised when a worried looking Iruka showed up with Genma minutes later. They all knew she’d drop everything for Naruto and kami help anyone who dared try stopping her.
“Kakashi?” she hesitantly asked, stepping closer.
He didn’t fail to notice the dropped honorific, but decided he preferred they didn’t bother with them anyway.
“We haven’t heard anything yet, Iruka,” he answered.
Asuma vacated his seat next to Kakashi for her, moving to sit on the other side of his team further down the seats lining the wall. Iruka mechanically sank into the chair as Genma took up residence next to Asuma.
“It’s a good thing you asked me to check on Naruto,” Kakashi quietly ventured several minutes later.
“Yes, but why…?” she began, floundering to find the words.
“I don’t know,” he replied, reaching for her hand and squeezing it in comfort.
The others watched the two. The teenagers of Asuma’s team were hoping to get more info on the situation. However, Genma and Asuma shared a look and a slight smirk, but refrained from commenting, knowing it was about damn time for the two.
Minutes dragged into hours until Tsunade finally emerged at dusk. Everyone promptly rose to their feet anxiously waiting for her to speak.
“She’ll be fine,” she informed the relieved group. “It was very close.” Gold eyes locked onto Kakashi. “If you had found her later, not even a half hour, we wouldn’t have been able to save her. She overdosed on a sleep aid.” She gives the stunned shinobi a moment to absorb the information before continuing. “There was so much of the drug already absorbed in her system that it severely hampered our efforts. We finally managed to flush it out and got some blood back in her. We’re now waiting for her body to finish stabilizing before moving her into the psyche ward.”
“The psyche ward?” Iruka asked in confusion.
“She tried killing herself, Iruka,” Tsunade gently explained. “It’s procedure when anyone tries committing suicide. We have to monitor them closely so they don’t try again. We don’t know why she tried it, but until we can help her through it, she’s staying here.”
Iruka reluctantly nodded before saying, “Thank you for saving her, Tsunade-sama.”
Tsunade smiled warmly at the academy sensei before continuing.
“I’m going back in to continue monitoring the gaki. If she remains stable for the next hour we’ll get her settled into a room and I’ll allow everyone brief visits, but only two at a time,” she firmly stated.
“Yes, Hokage-sama,” everyone echoed in a staggered chorus before she turned on her heel and strode out.
“Well, as much as I want to stick around, I’ve got a mission in the morning,” Genma informed Kakashi and Iruka.
“Thanks for getting me and for staying,” Iruka smiled.
“No problem,” he smirked around his senbon. “Let me know what happens, Kakashi.”
“Sure,” Kakashi agreed, giving him a lazy salute as he turned and walked out.
Kakashi and Iruka settled back into their seats with the others. Minutes later Sakura enters. Glancing around she spotted them and stepped over.
“Glad you got my message, Forehead,” Ino quietly stated, stepping over to give her friend a hug.
“Yeah, but I didn’t get it until a few minutes ago,” Sakura explained, returning the hug. Stepping back, she looked over at her two senseis. “Sorry I didn’t get here sooner. What happened? Ino said Naruto was hospitalized.”
“Naruto tried committing suicide,” Kakashi explained.
“What? Suicide?” Sakura asked in shocked disbelief, not quite comprehending.
Feeling the need to be the one to fill in the pink haired teen, Iruka placed a hand on Kakashi’s arm before he could answer and squeezed.
“No one knows why, but Kakashi found Naruto partially submerged in her tub, her wrists deeply slashed. Tsunade-sama said Naruto also overdosed on a sleep aid.” Iruka's voice shook slightly as she broke the news to Sakura who gasped in shock. Taking a deep breath she continued, “Tsunade-sama was able to save her. She’s waiting for Naruto to finish stabilizing before assigning her a room in the psyche ward.”
Sakura stood there in shock, having a great deal of trouble processing what Iruka just told her.
"Once they have Naruto settled in her room, they'll allow us to visit with her briefly, two at a time," Iruka added.
Numbly, Sakura nodded in acknowledgement before moving to sit next to Ino. She sat for several minutes thinking. Gradually her expression morphed from shock to anger.
Noticing her expression, Ino asked, "Sakura? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just irritated," Sakura grumbled, causing the blonde to frown at her and attracting the attention of everyone else.
Oblivious, Sakura blithely continued.
"This is really a new low for Naruto to stoop to in avoiding her promise to retrieve Sasuke. I mean, if she finally realized what everyone has been telling her for years, that she isn't strong enough to bring him back, fine. Better to realize it later if not sooner than to keep bragging and pretending to do things she can’t, right?"
Not waiting for an answer the pink haired woman plowed on.
"I would've understood if that was why the baka refused keep her promise," Sakura sniped angrily, ignoring the stunned expressions around her. "But she should've been honest and not give vague, bullshit excuses to stop even trying to save him."
Then as if the matter personally affronted her, Sakura crossed her arms, poutily declaring, "Mostly, I'm really pissed at Naruto for trying to kill herself."
“What the hell are you talking about?” Shikamaru demanded, uncharacteristically angry.
“You’re making a bad judgment call based on incomplete information, Sakura,” Asuma pointed out sternly, scowling in disapproval.
“How can you blame her when you don’t know what caused her to try killing herself, Forehead?” Ino incredulously asked, stunned at the garbage spewing from her best friend’s mouth.
“Why are you all ganging up on me?” Sakura demanded defensively. “I’m only saying the truth. That Naruto should’ve been more honest instead of making impossible promises! It probably stressed her out. So she did it to herself!”
“We’re not ganging up on you, Sakura, we’re only calling you out for being a stupid bitch,” Choji hissed angrily.
“Everyone calm down!” Iruka ordered sternly. “This isn’t helping!”
By this point, Kakashi was the only one still seated. He quietly seethed as Sakura’s condescending tone and words rang bitterly in his ears before he snapped.
Without warning he shot across the room, pinning Sakura against the wall behind her while drawing out a kunai in one fluid motion. She didn't have time to scream as the back of her head slammed hard enough to cause a dent in the plaster.
“Sakura!”
“Kakashi! Let go!”
“Stand down, Kakashi!”
“Dammit!”
“Loosen your grip!”
He wasn’t thinking. He barely heard the words, much less who was saying what. He didn’t feel Asuma, Choji and Shikamaru gripping under his arms, trying to force him away from his terrified, tearful student cowering against the wall. His left hand painfully dug into her hair while the other tried driving the sharp end of a kunai into her throat. He didn’t see Iruka wedge herself between them, struggling to push against his chest with one hand while trying to keep the blade from touching Sakura with the other. Ino was trying to ease her friend out from her pinned position while simultaneously trying to loosen his grip on her hair.
It took all of them to pull Kakashi off. His grip on Sakura’s hair so tight he came away with a clump of pink strands in his fist. Gripping under his arms tightly, Asuma and the boys barely held him back from rushing forward and trying again to gut her wide open while Ino hastily ushered the terrified medic out of the hospital. Iruka stood in the middle of the room, tensely watching Kakashi in concern, ready in case he broke free.
“Kakashi! Calm down! Sakura’s gone!” Asuma grunted.
Iruka stepped forward and gently grasped Kakashi by the arms.
“Kakashi, look at me,” she calmly ordered. She kept her composure despite inwardly cringing when his murderous eye snapped to her. “This won’t help Naruto. You know she’d be upset if you do something stupid like hurting Sakura,” she pointed out firmly. “Don’t make the situation worse by losing control.”
Minutes tensely ticked by while Kakashi considered her words and finally took a deep, calming breath. Asuma was relieved to feel some of the tension drain out from the famed jounin’s body and nodded to the boys to release him.
“We better get you in to see Naruto before you go on a rampage, Kakashi,” Asuma teased, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Lightly cuffing him on the shoulder, he moved off, heading over to the reception desk and asked if Naruto was ready yet for visitors. Iruka gently steered Kakashi back to the seats, grasping his hand in hers and reassuring him with soft words. Choji and Shikamaru stood there for a few moments, relieved Kakashi wasn’t going to chase after Sakura and Ino.
“We should probably go,” Shikamaru quietly suggested to Choji. “We know Naruto’s going to be alright and can check on her later. We’ll leave them to sit with her.”
Choji nodded and followed his friend out. Once outside he looked over at Shikamaru.
“Remind me to never piss off Kakashi-sensei. I almost shit dumped my pants.”
“Yeah,” Shikamaru agreed as they walked. “Sakura should seriously consider moving to the farthest point of Fire Country immediately if she can’t come up with a damn good apology for the shit she spewed.”
“Definitely,” Choji agreed as they disappeared around a corner.
Kakashi didn’t truly calm down until he was finally allowed to visit a still unconscious Naruto with Iruka and both insisted on staying the rest of the night by her side.
When Naruto woke up the next morning, the two senseis watched in relief as she groggily raised her head and looked around in utter confusion. They grow concerned when her disorientation gradually cleared and horrified realization dawned on her face.
“Naruto,” Iruka gently called, reaching for her hand and attracting her attention. “It’s okay, we’re here,” she reassured.
Blue eyes gape between Kakashi and Iruka then quickly fill with tears of dismay and shame. Choking back a sob, Naruto yanked her hand out of Iruka’s grip and rolled onto her side facing away from them.
“Naruto?” Iruka questioned.
Glancing over at Kakashi, they shared a worried look before she stood up to lean over the redhead, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. Naruto roughly shook it off, her ragged breaths her only response.
“Keep trying to talk to her, but don’t touch her,” Kakashi quietly suggested when she looked back at him in alarm. “I’ll go get Tsunade-sama.”
Iruka nodded, taking another deep breath and continuing to softly talk to Naruto as he left the room. A few minutes later he returned with Tsunade who also summoned Inoichi. While he was gone, Iruka hadn’t made any progress with Naruto, but the redhead had calmed down from her crying. She just refused to look at the brunette or respond in anyway.
“Well, look who finally woke up,” Tsunade drawls, crossing the room to the bed.
Iruka stepped out of the way to stand next to Kakashi and Inoichi as they watched.
“You gave us quite a scare, gaki,” she stated softly, slowly approaching Naruto’s back. Frowning slightly in concern at the lack of response, she tried again. “Gaki, I need to check you over. At least roll onto your back.”
Reluctantly Naruto complied, but her eyes remained firmly fixed on the ceiling.
Tsunade looked over at Iruka and Kakashi.
“Go. Come back much later,” she ordered in a tone that brooked no argument.
Both opened their mouths in protest, but gold eyes intensified, emphasizing she was not going to tolerate any arguments. Kakashi nodded while Iruka sighed in defeat before leaving the room.
Lost in thought, the two made their way out of the oppressive hallways into the bright sunshine.
“Want to go to lunch?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka blinked in surprise before smiling softly.
“Yes.”
The two ended up spending most of the day together, reluctant to be alone with their thoughts when they couldn’t sit with Naruto. They returned to the hospital together that evening.
As they approached the reception desk in the psyche ward, the clerk looked up.
“Tsunade-sama and Inoichi-san are waiting for you in the conference room,” he informed them.
Exchanging confused looks, they follow the man through a side door where he ushered them into a room where Tsunade and Inoichi sat in conversation at the far end of the table littered with several opened files.
“You should hang around Kakashi more often Iruka, I thought we’d have to wait for his ass another two hours,” Tsunade goads, earning a glare from the silver haired man as he settled into a seat across from Inoichi to her left.
Iruka can’t resist chuckling at Kakashi’s expression as she takes the seat next to him.
“Naruto is going to be fine physically,” Tsunade began without further preamble. “The drug didn’t cause any internal damage and her brain wasn’t damaged by the lack of oxygen. However, she’s refusing to eat or drink.”
“Maybe she doesn’t feel like eating,” Iruka suggested hopefully. “She just woke up.”
“Her refusal is a conscious choice,” Inoichi explained, taking his turn. “Since you left this morning, she still refused to look either of us in the eye or respond verbally or otherwise to any questions or commands to speak. She did comply physically to whatever requests we made, but shied away from any form of affectionate contact. She clearly understands what we’re saying, further ruling out any brain damage, but is in such emotional and mental turmoil she’s deliberately pulling away from those she loves. Failing in her suicide attempt, she’s taking an indirect route by refusing all food.”
The room falls silent while Iruka and Kakashi absorb the blond’s words.
“None of this makes sense,” Iruka finally shook her head in exasperated disbelief. “I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out why she tried killing herself in the first place and now she’s cutting herself off.”
“It won’t make sense until she’s ready to talk about it. Until then we’re keeping her confined to the psyche ward. Right now I’ve got her on 24 hour suicide watch,” Inoichi explained further, stunning Kakashi and Iruka.
“I’ve already ordered a constant IV drip to keep her from starving to death or becoming dehydrated,” Tsunade added. “So far she hasn’t tried ripping the line out. Inoichi and I agree that if she leaves the line in we can lift the suicide watch and just keep her under close supervision to encourage her to trust us again.”
“Have you considered mind walking Naruto,” Kakashi asked Inoichi, finally joining the conversation.
“Yes,” Inoichi nodded. “But Tsunade-sama and I agree there are too many risks. It could severely damage any trust Naruto may have left in us if she is aware of the walk. Plus, there are too many unknown factors involving the demon. We’ll have to give Naruto the time to open up to us.”
“Can we visit her?” Iruka asked.
“Yes,” Inoichi answered. “But we’re severely restricting her visitors.” At Iruka and Kakashi’s confused looks he nonchalantly added, “Uh, Ino told me what happened in the waiting room with Sakura.”
Kakashi appeared wholly unapologetic.
“Sakura said the wrong thing at the wrong time and it set Kakashi off,” Iruka hastily defended.
Inoichi gave a sardonic smile while raising a hand to stop her from continuing.
“Ino told me what Sakura said and she crossed the line. Sakura was the only one acting inappropriately given the circumstances,” he stated. “It’d be a very bad idea to let her visit Naruto, though. In fact, I’m restricting Naruto’s visitors to a handful, excluding her former classmates.”
Iruka blinked in shock before finding her voice.
“But Naruto has grown close to all of them. Wouldn’t their visits help?”
“We don’t think so,” Tsunade interjected. “The gaki was extremely tense around me. It was worse with Inoichi, like she was expecting him to attack and he’d already been counseling her. So how do you think she’d react to the others? To Kiba, for example, who tends to be a backhanded ass towards her sometimes?” She gave Kakashi and Iruka a few moments before continuing. “Inoichi and I feel something more than just torture happened to Naruto at Orochimaru’s. We don’t know how much he experimented on her or screwed with her head. We think it’s best if it’s just you two and Jiraiya for now.”
“What can we do to help her?” Kakashi asked after a few more silent minutes.
“Keep talking to her,” Inoichi answered. “Keep reminding her of the positives in her life, what she has accomplished and reassure her as much as possible. Encourage her to fight to live.”
“Of course,” Iruka stated determinately as Kakashi nodded in agreement.
“Good,” Inoichi nodded in turn. “Because Naruto has a very long, hard road ahead of her. She’s not out of danger yet.”
As the days dragged into weeks Inoichi’s emphasis on ‘long’ became painfully evident. Kakashi and Iruka fell into a routine where every minute not spent on their respective duties was spent with Naruto.
It had barely been a month since she tried committing suicide when Kakashi looked up from his Icha Icha in surprise from his seat next to her bed as Jiraiya sauntered in the door.
“Hey, kids!” he cheerfully greeted them.
As usual whenever anyone entered the room, Naruto warily turned to look over her shoulder as the sannin stepped inside. Not saying a word or acknowledging him in any other way, she returned her gaze out the windows in front of her from her perch on the edge of the bed, her back to Kakashi.
“C’mon, Naruto! Aren’t you gonna at least say, ‘hi’?” Jiraiya demanded, placing his hands on his hips.
Getting no response, he sighed heavily and eased into the chair next to Kakashi.
“Hi, Jiraiya,” Kakashi greeted the older man.
“Still no change, huh?” he asked, gesturing at Naruto.
“No,” Kakashi shook his head. “As you noticed, she still ignores us and refuses to look at us or eat.”
“Does she ever move from that bed aside from going to the bathroom?”
“If you ask if she’d like to go for a walk, she’ll do it,” the younger man quietly explained. “Whenever Inoichi suggested she participate in whatever group activity is going on in the ward, she’ll get up and follow him, but she won’t shake or nod her head either way. She just does it and won’t do more than the activity requires.”
“No motivation to do anything on her own?”
Kakashi only shook his head again, causing the sannin to sigh in frustration.
“She looks like she lost weight,” Jiraiya mused thoughtfully, scrutinizing Naruto’s back.
“About seven kilograms,” the silver haired man replied.
Jiraiya released a low whistle.
“Damn, she’s going to evaporate at this rate. Have you tried waving ramen under her nose?”
“Doesn’t work.”
Frowning, Jiraiya thinks for a few minutes before standing up and slowly approached Naruto’s bed within her vision just as Tsunade browbeat into him.
“Hey, kid,” he began softly, drawing her attention to him.
She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, but looked in his direction.
“I know you’re working through a lot of shit, but do you feel up to editing for me?” he asked stopping to stand at the end of her bed. “It’s gotta be boring staring out the same window all the time and it’d be something different to do.”
He wasn’t surprised she didn’t answer, but reached into the inside pocket of his vest and pulled out several folded sheets of papers. He laid them on the bed and set a pen on top.
“If you don’t want to, that’s okay,” he stated, taking a step back. “But just in case you do, there you go.”
Still not getting an answer, he slowly resumed his seat next to Kakashi.
“So how has everything else been, brat?” he asked the younger man.
They fell into chatting, not failing to notice Naruto reaching down for the pages and start editing, much to their pleased surprise. However, several minutes later their full attention was captured when she suddenly ripped the IV line from her left arm, causing blood to gush from the wound. Before they could react she hopped off the bed and grabbed a black leather stool on a rolling steel frame that Tsunade and Inoichi used when visiting to examine her that was abandoned nearby. Gripping the seat, she swung it at the windows, trying to shatter the glass.
“Naruto! Stop!” Kakashi ordered, rushing around the bed to yank the stool from her hands before she could succeed.
While she wrestled with him over the stool, Jiraiya appeared behind her and attempted to hook his arms under hers, but she was moving around too much, ducking and weaving out of his reach.
“What are you doing, kid?” he demanded, trying to make another grab for her.
Naruto suddenly pushed the stool forward and released it, causing Kakashi to stagger back. Twisting around she shoved Jiraiya to crash awkwardly into the nightstand between the bed and window. She then made a break for the door as three male nurses rushed in.
“Get her to the ground so we can sedate her,” one called out.
However, Naruto wasn’t going to let them.
Kicking out she nailed one in the gut, causing him to double over before her right fist met the jaw of the next one, knocking him down. The third she dropped low to sweep his legs out from under him, landing him flat on his back. Regaining her feet she raced for the door as Kakashi tackled her from behind by the waist, dragging her to the floor. Twisting and thrashing in his grasp, he struggled to hold her as the nurses recovered to grab at her limbs, succeeding in pinning her screaming, grunting form still enough for one of them to administer the shot to her arm. Her struggling gradually weakened before she was completely limp in Kakashi’s arms.
“Shit, what the hell triggered that?” Jiraiya asked, stepping closer as the men caught their breaths or struggled to their feet.
“I don’t know,” Kakashi mused from his position under her limp body, reaching up to gently caress her hair.
Less than a half hour later Naruto was settled back in bed and the room cleaned up when Tsunade and Inoichi arrived.
Tsunade immediately got to work examining Naruto and healing her arm while Inoichi stood off to the side to quietly question Kakashi and Jiraiya.
“I thought she might like to do something different and she edited for me before,” Jiraiya explained. “So I left the draft on the bed next to her. She surprised us by picking up the pages and pen and started reading and we sat off to the side talking. Next thing we know, she rips the IV out of her arm and starts trying to smash through the window.”
“May I see the manuscript?” Inoichi asked.
“No way! These can only be seen by my editor before publication!” Jiraiya protests before being painfully smacked on the back of the head by Tsunade as she joined them.
“Show him,” she ordered.
Rubbing the back of his head, he glowered at her before grudgingly handing the pages over to Inoichi. The Yamanaka grinned as he took the papers and started reading.
“How’s Naruto?” Kakashi asked Tsunade, not bothering to keep the amusement out of his voice.
“She’s fine,” she replied. “I had to switch arms for the IV to give her left time to completely heal from the damage.”
“Well, I’m not seeing anything,” Inoichi declared, drawing all their attention to him while he continued scrutinizing the pages. “There aren’t any violent scenes or anything triggering. At least not based off of what I know of Naruto’s history.”
“Well something triggered her after all this time of her sitting on her ass staring out the window,” Tsunade scowled.
“Maybe having two visitors in with her at the same time is too much?” Inoichi speculated.
“Did you say something stupid to her?” Tsunade asked Jiraiya.
“No I didn’t!” he snapped defensively. “I tried getting her to talk and left her alone when she didn’t. I did everything you told me to, like not talking too loud or approaching too fast.”
“Then I’m at a loss to explain it and it’s not likely we’ll get Naruto to talk about it when she wakes up,” Inoichi shrugged helplessly. “I do think we should pare it down to one visitor at a time, though.”
“I wonder if maybe having two men in the room triggered her,” Tsunade mused thoughtfully. “When she tried breaking out, the nurses rushing in were all male.”
“Naruto’s a highly trained kunoichi and it took four men just to subdue her,” Kakashi reminded her.
“Either way we’re going to have to be careful about outside materials that get introduced to her until we can succeed in getting through to her,” Inoichi stated resignedly.
“Won’t be from me,” Jiraiya declared. “Besides, I’ve got to hit the road again. We haven’t completely taken out the Akatsuki as a threat and Naruto is in no condition to deal with them if they spring up.”
“Good idea,” Tsunade nodded approvingly.
“Keep me posted,” he pointedly gazed at his teammate.
“I will,” she readily agreed.
With a lazy wave Jiraiya left the room.
“Naruto’s going to remain unconscious all night, we should all go home,” Tsunade suggested to the remaining two men.
“I’m staying,” Kakashi stated.
“She’s in restraints in case she wakes up, Kakashi, you don’t have to stay,” she pointed out, surprising him.
“Are restraints really necessary?” he asked in concern.
“Yes because we don’t want her hurting herself or anyone else,” Inoichi reasoned.
Kakashi clearly didn’t approve, but refrained from arguing the point. Instead he repeated, “I’m staying.”
Arching a brow, Tsunade scrutinized him, recognizing the stubborn glint in his eye before sighing wearily.
“Fine,” she conceded. “We’ll check on her in the morning.”
As they left, Kakashi took up position by her bed. Reaching out, he held her limp hand for the longest time before drifting off to sleep.
A soft grunt from the bed early the next morning woke Kakashi instantly. Straightening up in his seat, he watched her blink away the fogginess. When she tried lifting her hands, she realized there were fabric straps loosely tying them to the bed rails, binding her to the bed. He was alarmed when her breathing became shallow as she whimpered and struggled to pull her arms free, growing more panicked when she couldn’t.
“Naruto,” Kakashi softly called, standing over her to get her attention. “Naruto, listen to me. Stop struggling or you’ll hurt yourself.” He kept his voice calm and low. “Relax and I’ll remove the restraints, they’re only to keep you from hurting yourself.”
To his shock, Naruto immediately stopped struggling. Her tear streaked face turned toward him and for the first time since she woke up from her suicide attempt her desperately pleading blue eyes locked onto his.
“Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll take them off.”
Reaching for the nearest strap he quickly untied it before stretching over for the other and loosening it to her immense relief.
“Better?” he asked.
She shocked him further by meeting his gaze again and nodding.
“They’ll stay off, I promise, but you’ve got to stay calm and not try hurting yourself, okay?”
Naruto nodded again and relaxed per their agreement. Kakashi was elated she responded to him like she did even if she went back to not looking at him anymore and continued being silent. It gave him hope.
An hour later a medic wandered into the room.
“How are we feeling today, Naruto?” the overly cheerful brunet annoyingly asked.
The man wasn’t bothered by the lack of response and Kakashi watched him check the chart before stepping over to her bedside.
“Why are the restraints off?” the man asked with a frown.
“They agitated her and I removed them,” Kakashi answered.
“They’re not to come off until Tsunade-sama or Inoichi-san say so,” the medic huffed in clipped tones.
Kakashi scowled when the man not so gently grabbed Naruto’s wrist, ignoring her tensing up as he tried bringing her right hand closer to the rail only for her to yank her arm away with a whimper.
“Stop being difficult, Naruto,” the idiot chided harshly, reaching out for her wrist again.
“Touch her again to put her back in those restraints and I’ll break both arms,” Kakashi cheerfully threatened in the same annoying tone the medic used.
The outrage on the medic’s face promptly melted into fear at the look in Kakashi’s eye before he wisely bolted from the room.
Meeting Naruto’s surprised gaze he shrugged.
“The old hag really needs to work on her medic’s bedside manner. They’re atrocious.”
He was certain he saw the barest ghost of a smile on her lips as she relaxed back into the bed.
An hour later a clearly irritated Tsunade marched into the room drawing Naruto’s attention from where she sat in her usual spot on the bed and Kakashi’s from where he sat nearby reading.
Pointing at Kakashi, she growled, “You! Get your ass over here and come with me!”
Planting her hands on her hips, she tapped her foot impatiently as he slowly rose to his feet and put his book away before finally sauntering over.
“I’m flattered, Tsunade-sama,” he stated cheerfully. “I never realized you were interested in my ass that way.”
She smacked him upside the head, causing him to blink away stars.
“Shut up and get moving,” she snapped, stalking out the door ahead of him.
“Be back in a few minutes, Naruto,” he informed the redhead watching in confusion. “Don’t go anywhere,” he added, amusement coloring his voice as he disappeared out the door.
He meandered after Tsunade down the hallway where she impatiently held the conference room door open with her back, her arms crossed across her chest while her foot tapped a steady rhythm. Stepping inside he’s not surprised to see a scowling Inoichi sitting at the conference table.
Without further prompting he walked over to the seat opposite the blond while Tsunade none too gently shut the door before striding over to her seat at the head of the table.
“Why the fuck were you threatening to break my medic’s arms?” she demanded before she was fully seated.
“Because he’s an obnoxious ass with a lousy bedside manner,” he answered nonchalantly.
“He was following orders by putting those restraints back on Naruto,” she snapped.
“While ignoring how agitated she became and her struggling when he tried putting them back on,” he stated pointedly.
“Why did you take them off in the first place?” Inoichi asked tersely with an arched brow.
“Because Naruto immediately panicked and was becoming hysterical when she woke up and realized she was restrained,” Kakashi explained, boring into his eyes. “I calmly spoke to her and she looked me in the eye when I said I’d remove them if she stayed calm.”
“She looked at you?” Inoichi asked in shock while Tsunade gaped in surprise.
“Yes and she even nodded when I asked if it was better after I removed the straps,” he continued. “She even looked at me again when I threatened the medic and I’m sure she was smiling a little when I cracked a joke at his expense.”
They sat in silence as Tsunade and Inoichi absorbed the news.
“That’s really promising to hear,” Inoichi ventured after a few minutes. “Naruto may return to us sooner than expected.”
“I’m still not happy you threatened to break one of my medic’s arms,” Tsunade grumbled.
“Actually, it was both arms,” Kakashi helpfully reminded her.
“Anyway,” she bit out irritably. “I’ll let it slide since you made the right call given the situation.”
“Good. I had no intention of apologizing,” Kakashi cheerfully declared. Rising to his feet he added, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I promised Naruto I’d only be gone a few minutes.”
As he left, Inoichi only snorted in amusement while Tsunade shook her head.
Despite the small milestone, the weeks proceeded to drag on into months and Naruto continued spending most of her time staring sadly out the window. Kakashi coordinated with Iruka to alternate their visits, resulting in one of them constantly being with her. It helped Tsunade kept him homebound most of the time since his presence in particular seemed to calm the redhead the most.
One day, Kakashi sat in his usual spot next to her bed, watching her as he usually did from behind. He could only partially see her profile as she stared out the window. When he arrived, he went through his usual routine of chatting at her to get a response or to convince her to eat the food that was brought in, but as usual all attempts failed.
Kakashi hated it. Naruto wasn't supposed to be so withdrawn and silent. Even when sad, she still had a liveliness that lit up the room.
"I wish you'd come back to us," he finally ventured, his frustration getting the better of him. "You're the only family I have left and sitting here day after day while you refuse to eat or speak is like watching you slowly die."
He wasn’t surprised she didn’t even move. He really wished she would, though.
"We don't like that you tried killing yourself, but accept you had your reasons and don't want to tell us," he continued softly, his pain seeping out. "We only want to help you get better. We love you and don't want to lose you."
He sighed softly in frustration. His gaze dropped to the floor only to snap up at the sound of soft sobbing minutes later.
"I'm sorry. I’m so sorry. So sorry,” she repeated hoarsely through her sobs.
Swiftly moving around the bed to sit next to her, he pulls her close. She clutched his arms tightly as she continued crying and apologizing until she finally passed out.
Thankfully that was Naruto’s turning point.
Slowly she recovered physically and mentally. Her hunger strike resulted in a thirteen kilogram weight loss, making her severely underweight and weakening her until she regained a healthier number.
Now aware of what really happened during her kidnapping, Kakashi understands why she reacted the way she did and has a pretty damn good idea of what she endured. Orochimaru would've restrained her to keep her from escaping until Sasuke was finished. Her wariness and distrust of her friends made sense too. Until she was absolutely certain, she couldn’t trust her loved ones wouldn’t betray her like Sasuke did.
Despite everything else making sense now, her reaction when she tried editing Jiraiya’s Icha Icha draft still puzzles him. Rising from the sofa, he heads into the bedroom and opens the closet. Iruka adamantly refused to allow him to keep his beloved collection in the bookcase in the living room with all the other books, compromising by putting a small bookcase in the closet for them.
Mentally calculating when that draft would’ve been published, his lone eye scans the spines before zeroing in on the right copy. Pulling it out, he spends several minutes skimming the pages until he reaches the part that was the likely cause of Naruto’s episode. As Inoichi stated at the time, it isn't a violent scene and the sex is consensual, but it does involve mild bondage where the male lover ties the female to a bed with scarves.
Dread drops heavily into his stomach. He definitely has a damn good idea what happened during her capture. Tucking the book away in his pouch, he intends to show Inoichi later. There is no question in his mind Naruto will be seeing the Yamanaka again for counseling after she informs him of the truth. No way in hell would he, Iruka, or anyone else let her try sweeping this under the rug.
Leaving the past behind, Kakashi wanders out toward the Naruto’s bedroom down the hallway to check on her and not the least bit surprised to find her curled on her side awake.
"Are you okay?" he asks, crossing the room to her.
"Yeah," she replies, tiredly rubbing her eyes. "Still feeling nauseas."
He settles on the bed near her bent legs.
"Did you just wake up?"
"Been awake for awhile, lying here, thinking."
"Why haven't you gotten up?"
Naruto sighs heavily.
"I've been trying to think of answers to the questions I know you guys will ask."
Matching her sigh, Kakashi nudges her over so he can climb on the bed with her. Leaning against the headboard he pulls her into a hug, settling her head on his chest.
"Just because we ask doesn't mean we won’t help you figure out the answers you don’t know."
Naruto merely nods, feeling reassured in his arms.
As the silence stretches out again, Kakashi’s mind briefly wanders back to when hugging her wasn’t quite so easy.
When she genuinely started making progress during her hospitalization in the psyche ward, Inoichi encouraged Kakashi and Iruka to offer Naruto as much comfort through physical contact as frequently as possible; a much easier task for Iruka and nearly impossible for him.
It seemed to help her, though. It just took a lot effort for him to become comfortable with offering random hugs. Naruto needed them whether he was comfortable or not. Inoichi emphasized it reinforced in her mind there were people who cared and eventually Kakashi didn't think twice before easily pulling her into a hug like this.
After a short while Naruto breaks the comfortable silence.
"I'm sorry."
"I already told you none of this was your fault," Kakashi arches a brow. "You've got nothing to apologize for."
Naruto shakes her head.
"Yeah I do 'cause I never apologized for trying to kill myself. I'm really sorry you were the one to find me."
Kakashi leans to the side to stare incredulously into her face.
"I'm glad to hear you're sorry for trying to kill yourself, but Tsunade said if I found you minutes later, you'd be dead."
Closing her eyes briefly, she wearily asks, "Do you remember when Chiyo baa-chan attacked you when Gaara was kidnapped and I asked why the old bat did that?" At Kakashi's nod she continues. "You never said what happened to your father, so after we tried capturing Sasori's spy I researched the White Fang."
Naruto sighs softly when she feels him tense up.
"My curiosity got the better of me and I learned what happened. I should've realized how much it would've hurt you if I succeeded because, at the very least, I was your teammate. It was cruel for you to find me." A couple of traitorous tears escape when she briefly closes her eyes again. Quietly she adds, "If I'd known Iruka would ask you to check on me, I never would've asked her to stop by."
After a few tense minutes of silence Kakashi asks, "Why did you ask her?"
Naruto takes a deep breath.
"Because I probably wouldn't have been discovered until a week later." More quietly she adds, "I knew my death would hurt her most of all. I thought it might help her if she found me 'cause she’d try to save me. Knowing she tried would've eased her grief."
"It wouldn't have,” Iruka interrupts from where she leaned in the doorframe with her arms crossed. “I would've agonized over the fact I should've noticed something was wrong and should’ve checked on you sooner. I would've obsessed over trying to remember if there were any warning signs to indicate you were going to try killing yourself."
Dropping her arms Iruka joins them on the bed, sitting at their feet as Naruto's eyes drop in shame.
"I'm sorry,” she whispers. “I still think I had to punish the fox, but everything else piling on me made it easier to decide to do it. I should've realized how much it would hurt you guys. I can imagine how much it would hurt if anyone I know killed themselves."
Kakashi tightens his hold around the subdued redhead.
"None of that matters now. It happened and we have the present to deal with." Looking down into her eyes he adds, "I hope you never make that choice again. It doesn't solve anything and we can help you through anything, but you have to talk to us.” A smirk crosses his unmasked face. “In case you haven't noticed, we're not very good at guessing."
Naruto can't resist snorting softly while Iruka quietly laughs.
"I promise to try harder at sharing what's wrong," Naruto replies, leaning further into his embrace.
Iruka reaches out and squeezes her hand.
"Are you hungry?"
"Nope."
"Too bad. I made dinner and we're eating," Iruka declares, rising to her feet and heading out the door.
Kakashi chuckles while releasing Naruto to climb off the bed and leaves the room. Rolling her eyes, the redhead slides off the bed and follows them.
After dinner the three shinobi settle comfortably in the living room. Naruto slouches down in the center of the sofa clutching a pillow with Kakashi and Iruka flanking her before they start discussing her pregnancy in earnest.
"I probably should've told Ibiki first, but because of all the old shit getting stirred up, I felt I owed you guys the truth first."
"We appreciate that, but Ibiki is the father," Kakashi points out.
Naruto sighs heavily.
"Yeah, but after talking to Yamato I realized I needed to have your support 'cause I'm scared of his reaction. He doesn't exactly come off as the type who wants to have kids. Whether he wants to be involved in his baby's life or not, Sasuke has complicated things a lot."
Iruka frowns in confusion.
"Besides causing your first pregnancy, what does Sasuke have to do with it?"
"Sasuke told Naruto he’d return to reclaim her," Kakashi explains. "He feels he has every right pick up where he left off with Naruto at his side. It's not going to go over well when he learns she never delivered his child and has a baby by another man."
Naruto nods, quietly adding, "Until my capture I still believed in Sasuke and wanted to save him. What he did almost destroyed me and it scares the shit out of me knowing he's still out there with every intention of returning someday. The more time that passes, the sooner it’ll happen."
"Not if I kill him before he steps inside the gates," Kakashi mutters darkly.
"I'll help with 'slow, painful death' part," Iruka adds with a sadistic gleam in her eyes.
Naruto smiles softly in gratitude.
"I'm glad you guys never bought into the 'Saint Sasuke' propaganda, but he hasn't turned up dead yet. So, unless Itachi buries him, there's not much you can do to stop him. When he finds out who the father is, Ibiki's gonna end up on his hit list. Even if the teme doesn't return, his supporters will call me an unfit mother and try taking away the baby. Between the Akatsuki, Sasuke and his supporters this is one huge mess."
Iruka squeezes her hand reassuringly.
"It's bad, but salvageable. We just have to take it one step at a time. I don't know what Ibiki's reaction will be, but he deserves to know as soon as possible, Naruto. Then you can deal with telling the others."
Arching a brow Naruto asks, "Others?"
Playfully flicking her ear, Kakashi repeats, "Yes, others. Like Inoichi and Tsunade."
Rubbing her ear as she glares at him, she whines, "Do I have to?"
At Kakashi and Iruka's dual glares she throws up her hands in surrender.
“Alright, alright! I'll tell them." With another heavy sigh she adds, "Inoichi actually won't be that bad, but I'm dreading telling Baa-chan."
Kakashi places a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.
"Don't worry, she won't hurt you until after the baby is born."
Naruto playfully backhands him in retaliation.
Becoming serious again, he adds, "Ibiki won't leave you in a lurch. Even if having a family wasn't in his plans, he's not going to let you deal with this alone. That's a guarantee."
"Even if that’s true,” she sighs, “I plan on raising the baby alone. If he wants to be a part of the baby's life, great, but I'm not expecting him to."
"When do you plan on telling him?" Iruka asks.
"Never," Naruto quips before adding, "I'll see if he's not too busy in the morning. If he is, I'll just ask him to stop by my place when he gets a chance."
"Here," Kakashi succinctly states. At her puzzled look he explains, "Ibiki can stop by and see you here. You're not going back to your apartment. In fact, we'll be moving your stuff out as soon as we can."
Sitting up straighter her expression morphs into angered outrage, but Iruka cuts off any response.
"I'm going with Kakashi on this one,” she states firmly. “We know you too well, Naruto. You'll try living off of ramen because it's the easiest thing to make and sneak out to train instead of taking care of yourself. You're vulnerable because you never dealt with Sasuke raping you and between him and the Akatsuki it's not safe for you to be alone anymore. We can look for a nice house in the meantime where you can raise the baby. Until then, it's safer for you to live with us."
Naruto crosses her arms in a huff and pouts until Kakashi lays another hand on her shoulder.
"It'll be harder for you to defend yourself as your pregnancy progresses. Please let us help you."
“Alright,” she reluctantly agrees, closing her eyes briefly with a sigh.
Next thing she knows she finds herself engulfed in hugs from two of her most important people.
Seven kilograms = almost sixteen pounds
Thirteen kilograms = almost twenty-nine pounds
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell