Heritage | By : Ljiljana Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 900 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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Part 2
Before You Burn
I know that’s a secret, for it’s whispered every where.
‘Love for Love’ William
Congreve
The next morning, Sasuke was already up when I got
downstairs, and he looked three times as bad as he did the previous day. I
expected a poisonous glare because he was feeding them to me the entire
previous evening, but Sasuke didn’t even glance at the door when I came in. I
was almost insulted at first but, after several minutes of
observation, I realized he was treating everyone the same, like he wasn’t even
in the room with us.
He wasn’t talking much,
and you’d have to prompt him several times if you wanted him to hear you, which
was creepily unusual. Granted I didn’t know him very well, but that kind of
behavior just didn’t feel right on him. It was almost normal
when would talk. His nose wasn’t stuffed
any more, but his eyes were even worse the before, swollen and red.
Obito kept asking questions, but Sasuke wouldn’t say
anything except that he couldn’t sleep at night.
He ended up sleeping in the family room later and
was in a
much better mood after that but still. It didn’t make me feel any better. I had to learn to
think before doing stupid things, I really had to.
*
I heard the door open and close that night. Sasuke was
quiet, careful, but I couldn’t sleep, so I heard him. The door of the bathroom
stayed silent. The steps disappeared down the stairs. It was a good idea, I
remember thinking, for him to go and watch television if he couldn’t sleep.
I followed after several minutes, watched him flip channels
through the open door, but I went back to bed
after while. I fell asleep some time after that so I have no idea
when
Sasuke went to bed.
*
Itachi was worried. He kept staring at Sasuke silently,
a frown on his face. No wonder he was, too. You don’t watch a member of your
family stop eating completely and look over their shoulder all the time without
getting worried. For days, Sasuke behaved oddly. No one could get a
straight answer out of him, no one knew why wasn’t he
sleeping at night.
I developed a habit of waking up at every sound at night. I
guess I was worried myself.
On the third day, as I was watching him carefully while he
was flipping through channels, Sasuke snapped at me. “Stop looking at me like
that! It’s not the fucking cat!”
I knew that. Obito told me when I asked about it that
Sasuke’s allergies were just manifesting on his sinuses. Bloodshot eyes were
just a side effect. As he could breathe normally now, that wasn’t it. Still, I
felt responsible.
“Then what is it?” Sasuke glared, and shook his head
jerkily, once. “Okay, fine. You won’t talk to me, I get it. You better talk to someone, though. We’re all going crazy
in the house because of you.”
Harsh, sudden laughter made me look
at him sharply. It had a tiny lilt of hysteria in it, the way he snorted and
then continued in crisp barks. I know the guy hadn’t had a lot of experience
laughing and all, but that attempt freaked me out.
“Oh, you’re going
crazy. That’s a good one.”
I opened my mouth when he cut off the laughter, probably
realizing how he sounded, but snapped them shut again. What was
I going to say anyway? He acted crazy. He was talking like he was crazy.
He reacted on the
word ‘crazy’.
I left him to change channels and went to tell Kakashi about
what happened. Kakashi promised me they’d take care of it.
*
The plan for taking care of it, I later realized, consisted
of cornering Sasuke until he talked. I mean it almost literally, too. They
would start first thing in the morning, at breakfast. Itachi would bark out
random shit about family honor and honesty, though that subdued after a while,
leaving him just worried. Obito was pleading and snapping in turns and Kakashi
was mostly kicking me under the table not to interrupt, pretending to read a
book. They failed miserably every time they attempted that tactic because
Sasuke would just watch them like a dead brained zombie for a while, then walk out.
I itched to follow him. I didn’t want to
ask questions, I wasn’t upset, not at
him. All I wanted was to sit someplace where he would be in my
sight, so I could be sure he was alright. In a way, that was what I’ve been
doing, almost unconsciously, for the past week or so. I’d seek Sasuke out and
find a way to entertain myself nearby.
Not that he was any less of a bastard, but that was
okay. That was kind of what I liked about
him anyway. If anything, at that point, I wished he would dive out of whatever
place he went to inside his head long enough to
bitch at me more.
In the beginning, he sometimes slept if someone
else was in room with him. He would fall asleep like a small child while
sitting at the table or on the floor under the window, where he usually read
whenever the weather was bad. I had tried to cover him with a
blanket
once, but that ended badly. He jerked as soon as the cloth made
contact, widened his eyes up at the ceiling and after several moment, snapped
at me not to go anywhere near him.
I gave up on covering and trying to come closer, but not on
watching him. It’s a good thing he didn’t complain about that because
that was one battle I was absolutely sure he wouldn’t win.
About two weeks after I let the kitten in Sasuke’s house, I
woke up from the noise of Sasuke’ door opening and closing,
just like I made a habit of doing almost every night. I listened carefully,
wondering if I should follow him downstairs again. He would just sit there on
the couch anyway, changing channels without even paying attention to what was
on them. But I wanted to – no, I needed
to check on him if I wanted to catch any sleep that night myself.
I moved the blanket off me. Nights in the old house on a
hill were always chilly at night; no matter how warm was it outside. As I heard
the sound of my feet meeting he hard wooden floor, I realized that I didn’t
hear anyone walking down the hall, just Sasuke’s door. What was he doing,
standing in the hall?
Not bothering with the slippers, I walked to the door and
peeked outside. The hallway was darker than my room, the light in
front of the house unable to reach it, so it took me a moment or
two to recognize Itachi.
He was standing there, leaning with one arm on the wall
two-three feet to the right from Sasuke’s door. His shoulders were slouched,
making him look a lot like his brother when he was tense, though I could tell
them apart always. If he had heard me open the door, he didn’t
show it in any way.
Finally, after watching Itachi do nothing but breathe
quietly in the empty hall, I walked out of my room and closer to him. “Itachi? Is there something wrong?”
For all his not reacting at my presence, he wasn’t startled
at the sound of my voice. But I was somehow grateful when he pushed
himself off the wall.
“No.” Was his answer, just when I thought he would leave
me without it. “Weren’t you sleeping?”
“Uh.” I admitted, wondering what
was with his eyes. Something was off; just trying to meet his gaze was sending
shivers up my arms. “I haven’t slept much lately.”
Itachi’s gaze slipped from me, in the same glassy
expression. It felt as if he was looking over my shoulder at something. I had
to dig my heels into the stone floor not to glance back.
“So if anything happened in Sasuke’s room, you would hear
it?” Itachi asked the wall behind me, but I answered anyways because I
am nice like that.
“Probably. During
the night,
at least.”
The thickness of the walls worked more than fine as
a sound isolator during the day but, at this deaf hour, it was very hard to
miss any loud noises in this part of the house if you’re awake. I
heard Sasuke walking out of his room every time and, often, I also
heard
him when he returned early in the morning.
“Good.” Itachi said. He blinked and then looked right back
at me. It felt as if he, at that moment, just found me
standing there with him. “That is good. I feel better now.”
Itachi left me there standing, barefoot and puzzled.
Eventually I got back to bed. Sasuke didn’t leave his room that night.
I couldn’t help but cast glances every so often at Itachi the
next morning. I didn’t understand what he was playing at the previous night. It
was understandable that he was worried and came to check at
his brother, but to just open and close the door and then lean at the wall
nearby? Was he thinking about what he should do? Considering ways to make
Sasuke talk? I don’t know. And because of how odd – absent,
I guess,
– his eyes seemed to me when we talked. I didn’t like it.
Itachi didn’t talk to me at all that day. He rarely would,
except to answer a direct question or ask me to help him with something, but I
wanted a chance to ask questions. I didn’t get one. In the end, I decided he
was just worried – anxious long looks he was giving to his brother were more than enough
to convince me.
Unexpectedly, it was Sasuke who started the conversation
about it. It was evening and I was watching a movie on the
television while he was sitting on the floor near the window. Kakashi and Obito
were playing cards again and Itachi was working, his laptop hiding him from all
of us. I felt it, before I saw, when Sasuke sat on
the couch next to me.
“What were you doing in the hallway last night?”
For a moment, my mind still full of the intense movie scene,
I couldn’t understand what he was talking about. It was just a second or two,
but Sasuke’s temper hadn’t improved with the lack of sleep
and whatever was bothering him.
“I’m talking to you, idiot. What were you doing in front of
my room at
three in the morning?”
I was happy while a surge of annoyance washed over
me, if that makes any sense. “Going to the
bathroom?”
He said, matter-of-factly. “You were talking to
someone.”
“And you recognized my voice, but not your brother’s?” I
asked him, and he flinched a tiny little bit on my
words. “Wasn’t he in your room just a minute earlier anyway? It’s what woke me
up.”
Sasuke frowned at the laptop, or more likely at Itachi concealed
behind it. “I wasn’t sure who it was.”
Because that was more words than we’ve
exchanged in days I couldn’t help but blink a couple of times in mock-flirting
and gasp. “And you thought it was me, coming to tuck you in?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Sasuke answered, narrowing his
red-rimed eyes. “You keep following me around, like a lost puppy.”
I was equally annoyed with the way he put it, and glad he wasn’t
too lost in his own world to notice.
“It’s because you started acting weirdly after that cat
thing.” I grumbled. “Also, this place is boring. When are you going to snap out
of it so I can kick your ass?”
The very, very thin smirk that tugged
the corner of Sasuke’s mouth felt like adrenalin attack. I had to take a
generous breath, which finally broke it for me: I was sporting a rather huge
crush for him.
“Maybe I’ll let you try sometime.”
I snorted, cockily. “Try, my ass.”
That thin smirk widened as Sasuke rose his eyebrows. It took
me a moment to realize it. That was a rather unfortunate choice of words, yes,
but for Sasuke to, pretty much, point
out that they
can be taken differently without making me feel like a complete
moron… Now, that was different.
We spent the rest of the evening in
light banter, mostly fighting about what we should watch. The conversation
never strayed to any form of, um, flirting after that, but I was feeling very
good. Just the realization that I must have been very obvious and Sasuke hadn’t
said anything insulting about it made me hopeful.
*
The next two days weren’t too bad, even the weather was
better. But following Sasuke around to make sure that he was okay
became a habit. I couldn’t help it. It felt as if he would start falling apart
as soon as weren’t in the same room. I was
glad he wasn’t complaining, but I was feeling ridiculous myself.
Then it started again. Well, that might not be the right way
to put it, because it never stopped, just softened somehow. The heavy
atmosphere that Obito couldn’t ease with jokes – not even when I was helping,
Sasuke’s burden, Itachi’s silence; everything came back. By then, I’d learned
how to love the place, the house and the land around it; even if Kakashi wasn’t
having his quality time with Obito, I wouldn’t have wanted to go, no matter how
hard things seemed.
Not to mention, abandoning Obito to cope with all that shit
himself wasn’t an option.
Even falling asleep in the family room, when we all were
there, wasn’t helping anymore. Sasuke would jerk awake after ten-fifteen minutes,
breathing heavily, and look around,
with an expression
too close to panic, for comfort. It was heartbreaking to
watch him. He’d turned paler than normal and was extremely
tired, but he refused every suggestion to go to a hospital. There was nothing
we could do; he was of age and very determined, so everyone was tense and
on the edge. On cloudy days, if
felt as if the calm would break any second and storm us off our feet.
After a while,
Sasuke stopped leaving his room. Then one night, the the shrill
sound of his door opening crushed my light sleep. I listened intently for a
minute, but there was nothing. Irrationally scared all of the sudden, I jumped
off my bed and ran for the door, sure it that it must be Itachi again. Without
hesitation, I jerked my doorknob, and the door opened easily. But instead of
Itachi, Sasuke was standing in the hall, a few feet away
from my door, with eyes widened in
surprise.
I couldn’t think of anything to say. After a moment, as soon
as surprise oozed out of him, Sasuke glanced over his shoulder towards
his room. A very obvious shiver passed his shoulders and, without a word, he pushed
me aside and walked into my room.
I followed, confused but not entirely unhappy.
“What are you doing up at this hour?” Sasuke demanded, like
I was the one who woke him up.
“What are you
doing up at this hour in my room?” I retorted, which was a
mistake. Sasuke took a sharp breath and stood completely
still for a moment in the middle of my room, then strode towards the door.
I quickly inserted myself on his way.
“No, look. I’m sorry.” I said quickly. “I’m glad you’re
here, I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anyway.”
That wasn’t exactly the truth. I was still
sleepy,
but I wanted him to stay more. Sasuke didn’t answer. He wasn’t
trying to go around me, either. I took that as a sign of encouragement.
“We can talk or something.” I offered after some silence.
Sasuke obviously didn’t want to talk, but he walked over to
the only armchair in the room. He dragged it a little, so it would face the
window before he set down. There was nothing else for me to do but go back to
bed. The floor was too cold to stand on it. There was nothing else for me to
sit on.
Leaning on my pillow, I
could see only Sasuke’s elbow and a knee after he gathered his right leg close
to him. His breathing was barely audible. I was comfortable and
warm inside of my covers, reassured by his presence. It wasn’t too long before
I started drifting off.
“It’s a ghost.”
Sasuke’s voice was nothing but a whisper, but it snatched
my attention. Did I hear it correctly?
Did he say that it’s a ghost? I held
my breath; half expecting that I’d imagined he'd spoken.
But he spoke again. “That’s crazy, right? But that is what I see.”
Finally, I managed: “A ghost?”
My disbelieving tone seemed to have encouraged Sasuke, not
insulted him, like I feared it would when it got out of my mouth.
“He is everywhere, all the time.” He said after a soft
snort, and then paused. “I can’t see him in daylight, but I feel him.” After
that came an even longer pause. “He’s always there.”
I don’t believe in ghosts. I didn’t think he was seeing one,
not really. But the shattered way he was speaking, in short, shaky sentences
made me afraid. For two weeks, he had walked around, thinking that
there was a ghost following him? If he wasn’t crazy and hallucinating in the first
place, he would have gone crazy after all this time.
“So what does it want?” I asked finally.
Sasuke shifted in the armchair to look back at me sharply
through his hair. “What?”
I didn’t expect him to be mad if I went along with it, so I
hesitated before answering. “Well. Isn’t that what ghosts do when they haunt
people? Want something?”
Sasuke laughed, same hysterical laugh as when I said we were going
crazy with him in the house. It made my skin feel like worms were crawling
underneath it. “Naruto. There are no such things as
ghosts.”
But – didn’t he just say he was being followed around by
one? I tried thinking back. Yeah, he said he’s seeing a ghost. But he also
asked me to confirm that it was crazy.
Ah. It would explain why he wasn’t talking to anyone about
it and the general way he was acting and responding. Sasuke was afraid he was
going crazy. And, by trying to hide it, fight it, or
whatever he thought he was doing, he was slowly losing
his mind.
“Maybe it’s some subconscious thing.” I said hopefully. “You
have something bothering you, and it manifests in a form of a ghost. When you
make peace
with whatever is it that is making it happen, you’ll get better.”
There was no answer. Sasuke was back to looking through the
window, or I assume that that was the reason he turned the chair to face it.
I spoke again when he didn’t answer: “I think you should ask
your ghost what it wants.”
“I think you should go back to sleep.” Sasuke grumped back
at me.
As I shifted further under the covers, I smiled. Ghost or
not, Sasuke talking to someone about it was better than suffering
through it alone. I was happy he came to me. Maybe it was because I was in the
closest room when he finally snapped and wanted to talk, but that was okay. It
was an opening, he gave me an opening, now I knew what
questions to ask. I bet Obito would be much less worried, if he
knew what was bothering Sasuke so much.
“Naruto?” Sasuke called, just my
name already carrying a warning. “Not a word about it to anyone. Especially not to my brother.”
Inwardly, I grumbled how he can’t tell me what to do but,
for once, I held my tongue. Sasuke didn’t need the confirmation; he seemed to
believe I would listen even without a promise. I
fell asleep some time later, making a mental list of questions about his
‘ghost’.
*
I had a good night of dreamless sleep, so I woke up rested.
Sasuke, of course, was already gone. He left the chair in where he moved it,
with a blanket crumpled on the seat. I couldn’t remember him bringing one in,
so he probably got it after I fell asleep. I hoped not being alone in the room
helped him somehow.
Downstairs, Kakashi served me one of, until recently,
vacuum wrapped croissants while Itachi watched the wall
and Obito whispered something to his other
nephew. Sasuke was listening with an annoyed expression and I wanted
badly to spare him, because Obito could be really, really persistent. Kakashi
kicked me under the table before I managed to think of something. I gave a loud
yelp and glared.
Obito stopped whispering for a moment to check if I was
okay. Sasuke used it to get up and escape, bringing his own croissant with him
outside.
“You sure are in a good mood.” Kakashi commented after a few
minutes.
Mouth still full, I widened my eyes: “Me? What do you mean?”
I couldn’t fool someone who knew me as well as Kakashi did.
He gave me a really long look, one that would usually compel me into spitting
out the truth. Instead of asking me again, since I managed
not to say anything, he said: “Sasuke looks like he actually spent an hour or
two sleeping last night.”
Carefully, I swallowed another bite. “That’s good, isn’t
it?”
“It would be better if we knew what helped.”
Kakashi was speaking, but I raised my head to find Obito and
Itachi watching me as well. Great, now they were ganging up on me.
“Not asking too many questions.” I snapped, annoyed that
I was being interrogated. Sasuke would have told them he spent the night in my
room if he wanted to and, anyway, he told me not to talk about
his ghost. I didn’t think that would help him, but it also wouldn’t
be good if I opened my mouth.
Besides, not asking questions had worked better than asking
a lot of them.
I ate the rest of my breakfast quickly, under Kakashi’s scrutiny,
and ran out of the kitchen. I wanted to take a long walk and think about what
was going on, so I went out. There was a strong wind blowing outside, with
little bits of rain in it. The sky was promising that the light drizzle was
only the beginning, but I walked the familiar path down the hill anyway. It was
either that or hide in my room the
entire day.
By the time I got to the tree trunk over the river, the rain
was much harder. The ground was still mostly dry in some places,
under the thick treetops;; there was only so much
water that could get through. I wasn’t really surprised Sasuke was sitting
there again.
The rain was falling freely over that part of the
river. Sasuke was letting it fall on his head and on his face. His
hair and clothes
were wet already.
I walked over and sat next to him, but on the
opposite side. He didn’t move or acknowledge me in any way, but from this
close, I could see him shaking. Was he cold? Or was this some
mental break down? Either way, I wanted to put my hands around him badly.
“Did you tell them?” Sasuke asked, not opening his eyes.
“Of course not.” I answered
indignantly.
He opened his eyes and looked at me through wet eyelashes,
sad and amused all at once. “You were supposed
to tell them, you idiot.”
I gaped. “You told me not to! How was I supposed to do it if
you told me not to? What kind of logic is that?”
Sasuke didn’t answer for a moment,
he was just looking at me. His eyes were still red, face pale but not as much
as they were on what, recently, was a normal day. But that
it didn’t make his staring any less intense.
“I’m crazy now. I can use whatever logic I want.”
His voice was soft, softer then I ever heard it before. I
knew we were talking about serious things here – Sasuke wasn’t well – but I
couldn’t help but wonder if he would speak so softly to me in bed.
Or would everything have to be violent and harsh between us, like it was
before?
“You told me not to tell them.” I repeated.
Sasuke’s mouth quirked and he
gave me what could be only described as a tired smirk. “Since when did you
start to do what I tell you?“
I think he leaned toward me. We couldn’t have ended so close
otherwise. I didn’t see when that happened. His arm was brushing mine, warm
underneath the wetness of his sleeve
“Ah, I see.” I said when I processed his words. “You were
using me. If I told them, you wouldn’t have to deal with looks on their faces
when they find out.”
“Yes.” Sasuke admitted without a pause.
I felt a little insulted. “Well, sorry. You will have to do
it on your own.”
It wasn’t my imagination. For a short moment, his entire
body leaned on mine, like he needed comfort, or something. Would accepting the
gesture be exploiting his weakness? I couldn’t tell for sure at that moment, so
I curled my fingers to keep myself from leaning back into him, but he stood up
quickly anyway.
“Looks like it. Are you coming to watch the show?”
It surprised me. “Now?”
Sasuke was already walking away, but he threw over his
shoulder. “Now.”
I got up myself and followed. Yeah, it was the show I didn’t
want to miss, even if I wasn’t expecting to have any fun watching. Much like
the last time Sasuke and I were going back to the house on the same path,
we walked
next to one another, only this time much faster. I had to hurry to keep up with
his unwavering pace, which wasn’t easy
with mud sucking my shoes and rain pelting harder and harder by
the minute.
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