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What is and What Should Never Be	By : QueSeraSera Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1107 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Therapy
- 2-Confusion
- 3-Twitch
- 4-Admittance
- 5-Want
- 6-weakness
- 1
- 2
- 3
Chapter 2

�I�m going
to come at you, Naruto, and I�m not going to hold back. Please try to focus, hmm?� Jiraiya drawled as
he eased into a fighting stance.
Naruto
nodded, following suit.
After it
began, Naruto thought he was doing pretty damn well. He�d managed to dodge at
least thirty of the blows that Jiraiya aimed at him. That is, until the fight
got a little cramped within the confines of the denser trees. Out of the corner
of his eye he saw Jiraiya�s gold nose-stud glitter in
the sunlight for the fraction of a second. That was all he could glimpse before
he was dodging and parrying like there was no tomorrow. But a well-placed palm
in the side got Naruto skidding a few paces, thankfully not hitting any trees,
before he recovered and saw a slight sheen of sweat glisten on the white-haired
ninja�s neck.
It occurred
to him for a split second that Jiraiya was one of the most dangerous ninja in
the entire world, and that he was fighting him right now.
His breath
caught, and feeling as though something punched him in the gut, a liquid
sensation of want, need, and desire flew to his abdomen. Why had he never
realized before just how hot the Sannin could be when he was taking things seriously? And
then Jiraiya punched him in the gut, sending him flying backwards into a tree,
breaking it to splinters on impact. The wind was knocked out of him as he
instantly regained his sense of reality through the best possible medium:
excruciating pain.
�Having
troubles, my unfortunate prot�g�?� said the Sannin,
unconcerned enough to be picking at one of his nails. Naruto coughed in
confirmation, and wheezed a rattling breath back in.
�Fucking ow,� he choked out. Of course Pervy-sage
wasn�t hot. There was no way. He was an asshole and a pervert and a drunk. That
nose-stud did something odd to Naruto�s stomach as the older nin stood over him, though, like
flutters. Maybe the nose-stud was hot. That didn�t necessarily mean the wearer
had to be, right?
�I bet,�
laughed the Sannin, lowering himself to a crouch next
to his recovering student. �I did tell you I would be coming at you with
everything. Care to tell me what was so important that you felt it was� acceptable to interrupt such a serious
matter as a battle?�
Naruto
coughed again, though this time with more of a pretense of hedging around the
question that out of pain. He looked away from his teacher.
�Aha. Well,
fine. Don�t tell me. But don�t do it again. Got it?�
A nod. Yes, definitely an asshole.
�Right
then, from the top!�

�What do
you think made you realize your attraction to the same sex?� asked the
therapist conversationally.
Naruto
choked, forgetting momentarily that he had been swallowing a second before.
�W-well, it
was the dream I had last night, I think,� he replied after he�d recovered.
The
therapist nodded.
�What about
the dream?� he prompted.
�Um� Well,
I was there, you see, and um, someone else was, too.� He looked up, hoping that
would be enough, but the therapist sat stone-faced and waiting. �Dammit, I don�t know how to explain this without it sounding
like one of Pervy-sage�s stupid books.� A look of
shock suddenly made itself apparent. �In fact, I think it played out just like
one of those books.� His voice rose in volume, panic-stricken, �In fact, I
think it went word-for-word like a scene in one of his books that he used to
keep reading to me as punishment whenever I got something wrong too often.�
Naruto visibly strained not to retch, his face deadly pale.
�So, the
dream was a little� Steamy?� Asked
the therapist, his face still completely impassive.
�Hell yes. But crap, I think there�s
more. At first I thought it was just Sasuke,� Naruto stumbled over the name,
�but I was sparring with Pervy-sage and�� he trailed
off. �You�re not going to tell anyone this, will you?�
�The forms
we both signed at during our first session compel me to remain absolutely
silent about anything you say to me within this office,� he assured,
blank-faced.
Naruto sat
down again and leaned forward, his voice dramatically lowered.
�I think I
might be� I don�t know, like� twisted
somehow.� Naruto stopped, petrified as though the therapist would automatically
vilify him and kick him out, telling him to never return and, by the way,
forget being a ninja.
�Twisted
how?� replied the therapist, to Naruto�s relief.
�You promise
you won�t tell anyone or laugh or anything?� Naruto asked, nearly desperate. He
really wanted to know if there was something wrong with him, and this guy would
probably know best, right?
�I
promise,� said the therapist. �Trust me, I doubt there
is anything you could say that would shock me.�
Naruto
nodded bracingly and took a breath.
�At first� In the dream� I just thought I wanted only Sasuke. That�s
what I thought when I woke up. If I think about it, I�ve always wanted him that
way.� Naruto paused and looked up, almost pleading for reassurance.
He got a
nod. Good enough.
�But this
morning, I was sparring with� One of my teachers, and I� I really wanted him,
too. I mean, it was just a temporary thing. As soon as he sent me flying into a
tree I came back to reality. But the funny thing is, in both the dream and this
morning, I was fighting with the other person. And I
think it was the fighting that uh, I guess you could say got me going, haha� I think there is some part of me that likes the pain,
or the conflict or something. It�s like I want to be hurt, like I deserve it
somehow, and I want to hurt someone else and for it to be, I don�t know, like
alright with them, somehow. Is there something wrong with that?� His face was
burning and he could feel it. The fact that he could feel it made it burn even
more.
�Well,
let�s see. To start with, why do you think you feel the need for someone else
to hurt you?�
�I don�t
know,� said Naruto, at a loss.
�What about
the part about hurting someone else? Do you have any idea why you would want to
hurt someone else?�
He shook
his head in an almost helpless gesture.
The
therapist sat back and examined the yellow-haired ninja for a long moment.
�Sometimes
the hurt is the only sensation we allow ourselves, or that we receive from
others for a long time. If the senses are deprived of any other sensory contact
besides the pain for a very long time, like a caress, a kiss, or even a pat on
the back, it�s normal for a person in that situation to begin to associate the
pain with something other than pain, especially in terms of contact with other
human beings,� he paused to ascertain that Naruto was listening, and then
continued. �For example, from what you�ve told me of your past, is it safe to
say that you rarely felt anyone touch you in a way that was other than
aggressive?�
Naruto�s
face darkened and he mumbled an incoherent affirmative.
�It seems
to me that as you�ve grown, and gone through puberty, that was still the only
contact you had, and so you began to associate with how sex should be, or what
love is like.�
Naruto�s
face fell more and more.
�Is this
making any sense to you, Naruto?� asked the therapist. �I just want to know if
you think I�m on the right track or not.�
Naruto
stood up like an arrow and starting pacing the office feverishly.
�Fuck, yes,
it makes sense.� In an undercurrent, both heard the latent words: Is there
something wrong with me? Am I that twisted? He ran a hand through his hair in
exasperation. It all made sense. Nearly all of the people he ever had a close
relationship with had either kicked his ass or he had kicked theirs. And the
closest of them all, at least Naruto refused to stop believing it, was a
rivalry where the two were almost constantly on the verge of throttling each other
to death. Was that what love was to him? Was it?

�What are you thinking about,
Naruto?� prompted the therapist, a slight rise in the normally bland voice,
almost like concern.
�I don�t
know. Everything. It makes sense. Sasuke,
Sakura, Granny Tsunade, Pervy-sage.
Everything. Sasuke. I just can�t believe I never saw it before. Is it
really possible that I�m that stupid? I mean, stupidity has admittedly been one
of my problems in the past, but this� This is a new dimension altogether.�
�There�s
really no need to beat yourself up about it so much,
Naruto,� the other voice soothed.
�The fuck
there isn�t!� snapped the blonde. �I�ve got to get out of here. I�ll see you
tomorrow.�
Naruto
jumped out the open window, into the tree, and sped across the rooftops,
pleading to whatever god or gods there were to let him find someplace deserted
so he could work this out nicely�and alone�by beating the crap out of something
inanimate.

(Well, here�s the other chapter. Thanks for the reviews,
everyone who reviewed =). I�m honestly not trying to hold the chapters hostage, lol (my
apologies, sneakyfox, for making it seem that way). I
do feel a little bad that I would give off that impression, haha.
Whoopsies.
It was just that, one, I didn�t know if the story would get a good reception,
and two, still had to heavily edit the �little something� I had of the second
chapter. I do like reviews, though. An uncommon amount.
On another note, I feel like I should say that some things are subject to
change, as I�m realizing some of my original plans don�t really fit with the
feel I�m aiming for. I�m not going to edit the chapters I�ve already posted, as
when I post them I make sure they are what I want of them. But, I need to say
that the Dom/sub pairing I have up in my summary is more accurately Naruto/Neji/Naruto, and of course there will be hints of Naruto
and other characters, as you�ve already seen (like in dreams and fantasies),
but there will not really be any actual Naruto/oc
pairings�that is, besides the obvious unresolved sexual tension between Naruto
and Sasuke. Other than that, I hope you stick around to see what comes next. I�m
pretty excited about it, meself ^____^).
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What is and What Should Never Be