Obsessions | By : sonotgoingthere Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1318 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Neji isn’t
a virgin. His uncle may think he’s a
virgin, but he’s not. He’s a young, powerful Jounin. A young,
powerful, Hyuuga Jounin. Branch family or not, Neji was popular. His
fan-club was second only to Sasuke Uchiha’s, and he was in the damn village when the hormones really started to kick in.
Shame that he prefers men. That was a conversation with Gai-Sensei
he never, ever wanted to repeat.
Blushing
hotly before the Hokage was completely unreasonable. He wasn’t a virgin. He could discuss such things like an adult.
Just not in
front of the Hokage.
Or Hyuuga-sama.
“And then
what happened?” asked the Hokage.
Why couldn’t she take a written report? Why
did it have to be a purely verbal report? Couldn’t she see how embarrassing
this was for him? To tell her, out loud, what he had observed?
And damned if it didn’t feel like her eyes were better than the Byakugan when it came to spotting a
guilty conscience.
On top of
the embarrassment, Neji was shocked at his loss of control. His control of his
body was absolute. Almost absolute,
supplied his conscience. Almost, or you
wouldn’t have taken 10 minutes and some very, very disturbing images of Gai-Sensei with Hyuuga-Sama to
get yourself in check.
He’d had
more control when he’d lost his damn virginity.
“Nara-San
did not enter his apartment, detoured into a side alley, and met with Shiranui-San. They exchanged few words, alluding to Shiranui-San’s wife. They conversation could have been a
code; however, not enough words were spoken to distinguish any discernable code.
Shiranui-San… grabbed the back of Nara-San’s head,
and proceeded to force his head to his… groin. Nara-San proceeded to fellate Shiranui-San. Shiranui-San left
the alley. Nara-San left the alley a minute later.”
“Did you
follow Shikamaru to his apartment?”
“Negative,
I observed from a distance.”
“What was
Shikamaru’s behavior after Genma left?”
“He was…
relaxed”
“What did
he do after he entered his apartment?”
Neji paused
for a beat. Long enough for the Hokage to notice, and raise an eyebrow
questioningly.
Neji looked
away, eyes downcast. Shame swamped him. He’d watched. He’d watch another man
touch himself, in secret, and derived pleasure from
it. He was a peeping tom.
“He
showered and went to bed”
For the
first time in his life, Hyuuga Neji omitted something from his report.
In the long
an illustrious history of the Hyuuga Clan, peeping had been constant source of
distress.
Give a
teenaged male the ability to see through walls, and eventually, they’ll figure
out less savory ways to use their skills.
It was a
contributing factor in the introduction of the Cursed Seal to the Branch Family.
It was one of the reasons the Elders continued to support the use of the Cursed
Seal. Hyuuga Jimaru had been infamous for his
continued and unrepentant peeping.
Hyuuga Jimaru was the only Hyuuga to have been executed by the
Cursed Seal for crimes other than treason to the clan or village.
Of course,
women are just as capable of peeping. It just that none of
the women had ever been caught.
Neji’s
most horrific childhood memory, aside from getting the cursed seal and his
father’s death, was the conversation with Hyuuga-Sama
after a misunderstanding over a public speaking assignment.
It’s not
very helpful to tell a Hyuuga child to imagine people in their underwear to
stave off nervousness. They can see people’s underwear though their clothes
with the Byakugan.
It was
lucky that the misguided teacher had cleared up the misunderstanding before Hiashi had used the Cursed Seal to punish Neji.
It didn’t
save Neji from the months ‘instruction’ from his Aunties. Months of writing
etiquette books out line by line in an effort to train Neji in suitable
behavior.
To the
Hyuuga Clan, peeping was the ultimate in scandal.
The Hokage
had set him up.
Neji walked
slowly into the Hyuuga compound, convinced that everyone could see the stain of
his actions like a splash of red wine against a pristine white shirt.
Now Neji
had a horrible choice. He could allow himself to be eaten by his guilty
conscience, or, he could confess his sins to Hyuuga-Sama
and take his punishment like the man he claimed himself to be.
Kami-Sama, he thought, what a choice.
Neji
stiffened his spine, squared his shoulders, and headed for Main House.
Halfway
there, he chickened out and decided to speak to Hyuuga-Sama
in the morning.
Hiashi
raised an inscrutable brow. “If your orders were to observe, then you have not
breached any clan laws”.
Neji
successfully resisted the urge to slump his shoulders. It was too much to hope
that Hyuuga-Sama would read between the lines. The
man forced you to tell him why he
should be punishing you.
“I… had an
inappropriate reaction to what I saw” Neji explained. He silently begged fate
to give Hyuuga-Sama a glimmer of compassion.
“You
witnessed another man…” Hiashi inclined his head in
place of outright saying the words “and found yourself
having an inappropriate reaction?”
Neji closed
his eyes briefly. “Yes.”
Hiashi’s
lips twitched. His chin dropped slightly towards his chest. Years of experience
reading the Clan Head’s body language told Neji he was laughing behind his mask
of polite disinterest.
Bastard. You’re enjoying this!
“Neji,”
said Hiashi, polite mask restored, “did you seek out
this situation?”
Neji’s
eyes widened. “No!”
“Neji,
please, calm yourself.” Hiashi paused. “Neji, it is a
necessity, as Shinobi, to use your skills in service of the village, in
whatever manner Hokage deems appropriate. It is not always pleasant.”
Neji did
not roll his eyes at the comment. Hyuugas were better
than that.
“If you are
hit by a swinging branch, you will likely feel the impact. If you are hit in
the course of your duty, it is necessary to accept the impact, and aim to not
be hit again.”
Hiashi
gave Neji a pointed look. “I trust that resolves the issue.”
It was
tempting to leave it at that. Nod his head, get up, and walk away.
“It wasn’t
the act in the alleyway, Hyuuga-Sama.” Neji eyes
fixed themselves to a slight wear in the tatami matt.
Hiashi
raised an eyebrow. I gave him the perfect
out, thought Hiashi, what is he doing?
Neji
gathered his courage, blushing hotly despite his best intentions, and looked up
at Hiashi.
“The target
retired to their apartment and … relived their tension.” Neji tried desperately
to calm his breathing, reaching for his meditation training to control his
breath.
“So it was
the target, not the act, which caught your attention?”
“Yes.”
“Neji, are
you attempting to tell me you will be unable to fulfill a marriage contract
should the clan require it?’
“No,
Hyuuga-Sama.”
“Then my
previous statement stands.”
Neji saw
the comment for the politely worded dismissal it was.
“Neji?”
said Hiashi, as Neji reached the door.
“Yes
Hyuuga-Sama?”
“Try to
maintain better control of your person in future.”
Neji fled
to the relative safety of his room.
Why does Shikamaru let him do that?
Surely there are people who would address his …needs who are not in a
relationship?
Black and
white memories of Shikamaru’s expression as he stroked himself to completion
taunted Neji, distracting him from his kata. He
pushed them aside and restarted his pose.
It was no
good. Every time Neji allowed himself to relax into the kata,
he would see the Shikamaru’s blissful abandon as he bobbed his head over Genma’s groin.
Damn it.
Why would Shikamaru allow someone to
do that to him? Didn’t he have any pride in himself? Neji had known Shikamaru for years,
and had never seen any inclination to such behavior.
Between the
questions and the flashbacks, Neji was having difficulty completing his
training.
This was
unacceptable.
Neji would
have to do something.
Despite
being a Jounin, and coming from a strong clan like the Hyuuga, Neji’s list of confidants was woefully small.
Lee was
out. Just. No.
Tenten
was a girl. So was Hinata. They wouldn’t understand.
The rest of
the Rookie nine was out as well. They were too immature, too loud, or too
stupid to understand.
Maybe not
Sasuke, but Neji was not going to open up to Uchiha
Sasuke. Eating glass would be less painful.
As always, Neji’s list of people to talk to about disturbing and
uncomfortable topics was whittled down to just one person.
Gai-Sensei.
Gai-Sensei
might have been a few slices short of a loaf, but his word was his bond.
Speaking to Gai-Sensei in confidence meant the
information would remain confidential.
It didn’t
mean the advice would be useable. Or that the conversation would be anything
but excruciating.
Sometimes
Neji just needed someone to talk to.
Even if it made him want to scrub out his brain afterwards.
When Neji
and Tenten were Genins
under Gai-Sensei’s supervision, they had developed a
system with Gai-Sensei and Lee that allowed them to
have a ‘normal’ conversation. A conversation that could be
written down without resorting to the Caps Lock.
“Gai-Sensei”
“Neji-Kun, My Bright and Modern Student! How are you this Glorious Morning?”
Neji
extended a graceful hand, a green painted disk with a stylized turtle imprinted
on each side.
“I need to
have a serious conversation, Gai-Sensei”
The
Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha accepted the disk,
settled on the ground, and waited patiently for Neji to begin.
“Hypothetically,
hypothetically, if, and only if , you found out something about someone,
someone you respected, that made you
think… less of them…, but, still think they’re a good Shinobi, but, maybe, what
if they needed help, how do you give it to them?”
Gai-Sensei
was the only person in Konoha that knew of Neji’s tendency to ramble when he was uncomfortable. The
only person who Neji trusted enough to relax his harsh Hyuuga persona enough to
be a confused young man in need of guidance.
The disk
remained in Gai’s hand. He’d long ago developed a
habit of rubbing his thumb across the disk in order to repress the need to
speak in capital letters. Gai rubbed his thumb over the disk, his face a mask of concentration.
“You saw
something that discomforted you?”
Neji nodded
mutely.
Gai
raised a single eyebrow and continued with his line of inquiry. “Someone you
respect?”
“Yes, Gai-Sensei”
Even when
speaking ‘normally’, Gai’s tendency to draw out a
conversation drove Neji’s eyes to twitch.
“Some thing
sexual in nature, I presume?”
Neji
shoulders slumped in relief. The Hokage and Hyuuga-Sama
may not be able to interpret the things Neji didn’t want to say, but Gai had a knack for it.
“Yes, Gai-Sensei.”
Gai
grunted. “Something that makes you think less of them?”
Neji nodded.
“Neji,” Gai leaned forward conspiratorially, “did you see two men
in the act of love?”
Neji
flinched. A ‘normal’ conversation, but it was too much to ask Gai to call a spade a spade.
That, and
his Sensei had a bad habit of forgetting things he really should remember. A large shark-like man for example. Or that Neji liked men.
Perhaps one
of the reasons these conversations remained in confidence was because his
Sensei didn’t remember them.
“Yes, Gai-Sensei, I saw two men having sexual relations.”
“And that
makes you think less of them?”
“No, Gai-Sensei, I do not think less of them for having same-sex
relations.”
Gai
waited for Neji to explain. He knew it would be unlikely, but gave his student
the opportunity anyway.
“So you
don’t think less of someone for making love with another man, but you do think
less of the persons you saw?”
“… It
wasn’t the act… not the fact that it was two men, Gai-Sensei,
it’s what they were doing.”
“Making
love?”
Neji hummrph-ed. Gai’s mind was
startlingly linear, but sometimes talking to him was like circling down a
drain.
“No, Gai-Sensei, not the making love”
“Neji, if I’m going to help you, I need understand what you’re asking. What is it that makes you think
less of them?”
“He let the
other man hurt him” said Neji quietly.
Gai-Sensei
froze. Indeed, thought Gai, this was serious.
“And I
didn’t stop it. Neither did he. He just… let them do
that to him. I don’t know why.” Neji’s pale eyes
fixed themselves to Gai’s. “Why would he let someone
do that to him?”
Gai’s
heart broke for his student. “Neji, did you witness someone being raped?” he
asked gently.
Neji looked
at the ground. He fingered the hem of this brown haori.
He remained silent, but sharp intakes of breath told Gai
his student was distressed.
“I don’t
know, Gai-Sensei. If I didn’t think it was crazy, I
would say he enjoyed what the other man did to him.”
Gai
relaxed slightly. Oh. Gai thought. This is
going to be interesting.
“Neji, when
it comes to making love, the most important thing is to make your lover happy.
Not everyone likes the same things, and some people may like things you find
distasteful. Love should be a gift between yourself and your lover, regardless
of man or woman.”
Neji nodded
at Gai’s words.
“But it’s
not right. The other man has a lover. Sh- He’s
helping him cheat on his lover, and the other man doesn’t care for him. If he
cared, he wouldn’t have left him in the alley afterwards.”
Oh. Like that is it? thought Gai.
“You think
less of him because he is cheating on his lover?”
“No. Gen- The
other man is a cad, always has been. A fine Shinobi; but a
cad. Shi- He is better than that, so why is he letting Gen-, the other
man treat him like that?” Neji seemed honestly confused.
He almost let the names slip. Neji
doesn’t slip up like that. He must be really upset about
this.
“Sometimes
we do things we aren’t proud of, Neji. If this person is your friend,” Gai held up a hand to forestall Neji’s
comments, “which he is, otherwise you wouldn’t be so upset, if this person is
you friend, then I think you should talk to him about it. He needs your help
and guidance, Neji-Kun.”
Gai
rubbed the little green disk almost viscously as he repressed the need to end
the sentence with For Your Youthful Comrade, or, possibly, In the Springtime of
Your Youth, You are in Need of Guidance from You Friends and Precious People.
Neji’s glared at his old sensei. Gai may
be repressing the impulse to speak them, but Neji could hear the words rattling
around in the other man brain, trying to find a way out.
“Neji, this
person,” said Gai, covering for Neji’s
earlier lapse, “This person is your age, yes?”
“Yes, Gai -Sensei”
“Have you
considered that perhaps he doesn’t know anyone else to … help him with his
needs?”
Neji
blinked. But Shikamaru’s so handsome.
Wouldn’t anyone … help??
“What?”
Gai-Sensei
leant his arms heavily against his knees.
“Without
breaking another’s confidence, and can say I have had some experience with …a friend
with similar needs. I admit, at first, I too was struck dumb by this, and was
immediately concerned for their safety.”
Something
in Neji relaxed. He’d been wondering if he was going quietly insane over all
this; hearing Gai had endured a similar issue was a
relief.
“What did
you do?”
Gai
smiled his good guy smile. “I spoke to my friend, and asked him to explain it
to me. He did his best, but I left the conversation still feeling concerned. I
then read some books on the … practices, and discovered there’s much more too
it then I originally considered.”
Gai
paused.
“I could
get you some books, Neji-Kun. If it would help, I sure my friend would be glad
to lend them to you.”
Every
single long winded speech on youth and springtime was wiped clear from Neji’s mind.
Sometimes,
well, usually, Gai-Sensei knew exactly what to do.
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