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The Canalized River	By : susanna Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 944 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Replies
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angelofshad0ws:
Thanks for your friendly
comment! New chapters will come soon!

DragonDancer:
Thanks for your frienly
comment! The story is more or less finished, so new chapters will be
uploaded in quick succession!

Lindy
Star: Thanks for your friendly
words! Indeed, Sasuke acts not very wisely when it comes to fighting
Itachi, though it has got a bit better. (I think in chapter 367
Itachi himself acknowledges it: „You are not going to rush in
screaming at me like last time.“)

But that Itachi orders him to
come to that Uchiha hideout and Sasuke simply obeys him is
unbelievable. Well, Friday we will see what happens.

Chapter
Two: Pity

„It's
safe, it's dry“, Juugo said. „We can stay here.“

They
were standing at the bottom of an abandoned quarry, only partly yet
reclaimed by nature. Birches had already grown to a height of two or
even three meters, but they were still bare, and the ground was
covered with grass and all kinds of bushes and low herbs, and now, in
spring, with flowers.

Sasuke
felt tired, or else he would not have noticed this. Both the
encounter with his brother's kagebunshin and the discussion with
Suigetsu had exhausted him, and he did not want to think anything
this evening, neither about his brother or anything else. Just about
these white flowers that seemed to be everywhere. They were pretty,
he thought.

His
crew collected firewood, got water from a small brook nearby,
prepared the meal. His only contribution was to light the fire with
his katon.

On
other days he would help. Today they accepted his exhaustion as an
excuse.

They
did not talk while eating, but when they had finished, Suigetsu began
to speak:

„We
need to talk“, he said. „We have enough of the way you
lead the team, telling us off as if we were little children. We have
given you proof of our loyalty more than once, and we have also shown
that we are able to think for ourselves and come up with ideas of our
own about how to further your plans.“

„I
have never doubted this“, Sasuke answered, stupefied by the
sudden accusations. „You were intelligent and resourceful when
you gathered information about Akatsuki.“

„Not
only this. Karin also tore up your shirt in order to confuse the
Leaf. I wonder whether you even noticed.“

I
did notice that she kept my ruined clothes, Sasuke thought.

„And
she warned us when we were pursued by Konoha“, Suigetsu
continued, and Sasuke wondered when he had begun to speak of her in
such a favorable way.

„Even
though you had only told her to buy some provisions, nothing else.
They would have found us long ago if she had obeyed you to the word.
So don't tell us off again as you did today!“

„And
another thing“, Karin added. „Don't expect us to obey you
when obeying would mean to let you get killed.“

Sasuke
swallowed. They had a point with their complaints: All three of them
had been very loyal from the very beginning of the mission. And still
he was angry: A crew that would rather disobey him than get him
killed was not what he had been looking for when he had chosen his
team. He had only wanted them to lend him their power, and let him be
in control... he did not want any complications because his crew
decided that it was necessary to discuss things.

I
would not have had to leave Konoha for this, he thought.

„And
now“, Suigetsu continued, „we would like to know a bit
more about your plans and motivations.“

„You
know them already: To hunt down and take out Uchiha Itachi.“

„Well,
yes. But you see, if we are to follow you and trust you, we have to
know some more. We have to know why you have chosen that aim for
yourself. Taking it for granted that you are not simply a great hero
who has decided to free the world of some really bad guys: First
Orochimaru, then this Deidara, and now Itachi.“

„No“,
Sasuke replied. „The only person I really want to take out is
Itachi. The others simply attacked me and got killed in the process.
Besides, I did not kill Deidara. He killed himself with this suicide
jutsu of his.“

„Oh,
I forgot. You are a Leaf ninja after all, who won't kill anyone.“

„No,
I am not. There is just no need for me to kill anyone besides
Itachi.“

„And
why him, if I may ask?“

„He
is my brother.“

„Yes,
this is quite a common reason for wanting to kill a man.“

„He
killed all my family, except me and himself of course. I want to take
revenge for this.“

The
words felt strangely cold as he spoke them. They were the normal,
common reasoning, the words he had told himself and others more than
once in order to explain and justify his plans for revenge. They
contained the moral he had been raised by, not only by his clan, when
they were still alive, but also by his teachers and the other
grown-ups of Konoha. They were the moral of the Leaf and of the
entire Shinobi world (though of course his clan, being a clan of
strong shinobi, had put more stress on this moral than the average
person in Konoha): If one of your family, or your friends, or any
other precious person gets killed, you have to avenge them and prove
that it was just bad luck that had kept you from protecting them.

None
of this had anything to do with the despair he had felt when Itachi
had killed his family, nor with the hatred into which the despair had
turned after some time, or the wild desire for revenge that was
raving in his heart, and the idea (though he himself knew it to be
irrational) that he would feel better when he had finally killed
Itachi.

„I
had guessed that he had done something terrible to you“,
Suigetsu said. „But I did not know that it was that bad. I am
sorry.“

„No
need to be sorry.“

„Why
not? It did hurt – it was terrible.“

„Of
course it hurt – what do you think.“

„Then
why is there no need to be sorry?“

„Because
I don't need anyone to be sorry. It was terrible for me – but I
don't need anyone's pity. I am no child any more. I am a man, and I
will take revenge.“

„Taking
revenge will not lessen your pain in any way.“

„Do
you try to tell me that I should abandon my plans for revenge?“

„No.
I try to tell you that you can accept pity even if you have grown up
to be a powerful great avenger.“

„I
don't need any pity. I have had enough of it to last me a lifetime,
just after my parents' death.“

Murder,
he reminded himself. Back then everybody had avoided the word murder,
not wanting to shock his tender, seven-year-old heart.

„They
would pat my head and say 'poor boy' and treat me as if I were
urgently in need of help, and sometimes they would make me talk about
what happened, claiming it would help me, and interrupt me when they
could not bear it any more and tell me to think of something nicer,
happier. They would not understand what it really felt like. They
were not able to.“

He
remembered now himself: How he had felt numb and shocked, not wanting
to believe it, not wanting to feel the walls falling down on him, the
earth opening beneath him, the world that had been firm and safe
crumbling in front of his eyes, leaving him drifting on a wooden
plank on the ocean. And still there had been another part of him that
knew that everything was true, that his parents were really dead, a
part of him that was even able to ask Itachi why he had done it and
to listen to Itachi's answer.

Only
then he had been overcome by pain, rage and despair; he had attacked
Itachi, had been defeated and passed out. He had woken up, and his
whole body had been in pain, not from his physical injury, but from
the pain in his heart. Only slowly, when the plan for revenge was
forming in his mind, the pain got less and he could think more
clearly.

There
it was again, his desire for revenge, burning hot as ever.

„No
one can understand“, he said. „No one who has not been
through this as well.“

„Ah“,
Suigetsu replied. „And you truly think that there's no one else
in this world who has lost all his family?“

Sasuke's
eyes met Suigetsu's: Waterblue, cold, clear, analytical – and
still beneath the coldness was the knowledge about pain.

He
looked at Karin, who for a change looked not seductive, but peaceful
and friendly, and then at Juugo whose eyes had always been the same,
full of trust and hope, simply because he had to cling to both in
order not to despair.

Sasuke
lowered his eyes.

„I
am sorry“, he said. „I did not know.“

„You
did not ask“, Suigetsu answered.

„I
know. I am sorry.“

Juugo
put his arm around his shoulder. „It's okay“, he said.

„Poor
boy“, Suigetsu said, and Sasuke was too tired to be angry.
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The Canalized River