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This is my Goodbye	By : Luma Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 881 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Ugh: Sorry the code was being gay and doing something stupid when I was changing it. I wanted to see if I could fix it by adding another chapter. Didn't work, but I got it now. No worries.

chelzi: What the hell. xD Apparently I copied the code for the wrong chapter. Go me. Thanks for telling me. x3

Title: This is my Goodbye

Author: Dying Dreams

Fandom: Naruto

Feedback: Feedback is always welcome!a

Summary: I pretend that I'm always happy. I pretend so no one sees my pain. I pretend so no one sees what I've become. I pretend because that's all I can do. I pretend because that's all I know how to do.
Dream: Oh my. All of my beloved readers, of COURSE I'm going to continue. I wouldn't leave you hanging just like that.

Itachi: Yes you would.

Dream: Lies.

Itachi: You know it's true.

Dream: More lies!

Itachi: Whatever.

Dream: Anyways. I can't really say how long this story is going to be, but the chapters will be longer than the prologue. -Nods- All filled with torment and anguish for our dear little Naru-chan.

Naruto: I hate you.

Dream: No you don't.

Sasuke: You get pleasure out of torturing lives don't you.

Dream: I sure do.

Sasuke: Evil sadistic bitch.

Dreams: -Grins at him- Awh. Sasu-chan knows me so well!

Sasuke: -Glares- Don't call me that.

Dream: What? Sasu-chan? What's wrong with calling you Sasu-chan, huh Sasu-chan? What's the matter Sasu-chan? Sasu-chan why are you shaking like that? Itachi what's wrong with Sasu-chan?! Eep! -Runs from an angry Sasu-chan-

Itachi: -Watches them- He told her not to call him that. -Shrugs-

Naruto: When have you ever known her to listen to anything anyone says?

Itachi: -Thinks for a moment- Never.

Naruto: Exactly. Warnings and disclaimer. Enjoy, ya bastards.
Warnings: Graphic description of what's happening inside Naruto's body. I had to do it.

Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever have any real claim of ownership over the original ideas of the series known as Naruto. In no way am I profiting from this writing.
Chapter 1
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He padded quietly down the stairs of the apartment building, one hand trailing along the wall lightly, the other holding the envelope to his chest. He knew his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and they would remain so. He didn't care. It didn't matter. Thinking back on all he had written was bringing back the urge to cry. He could feel the tears stinging at his eyes, yearning for release. He knew in the end they would fall. He lowered his head, and set them free. The salty liquid trailing down his face for the third time that day. They had halted their fall when he left the apartment, but now they were back. He knew he couldn't stop them.
There were no taunting words, no terms of hatred thrown at him as he descended through the building. He was grateful for this. The owner of the building still held a strong hatred towards him, and knew it would never change. But it didn't matter anymore. They would always hate him, and he could never bring himself to care. Not like he may once have before he became ill.
Kyuubi had explained what was happening to him once, shortly after it had made itself known, but he forgot the words now. He didn't remember how or why he was dying. He simply knew he was, and he knew that it would soon be over. His suffering would end, and they would be free from the torment this life had inflicted on them.
�Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.� Naruto scoffed at the remembered quote. He knew it fit him perfectly. He knew his destiny had been mapped out for him the very moment Kyuubi had been sealed inside of him, and once it was known, there was no changing it.
He would always remember the pain, and how he played the game, hiding his real self from the world. It made him weak, but it didn't matter. He couldn't change what was to come.
Blue eyes stared blankly at the hard packed dirt he moved silently across, having left the depressing building he called his home only moments before. It loomed behind him like the monster they made him out to be, and yet that monster was the only thing to welcome him with open arms when he stepped through the door into his own place of true solitude. He could only be himself in that suffocating pit of depression. Only there could he let the tears fall and the unwanted memories of pain consume him day after day. He would always feel it. He did not deny it.
The hand hanging limply at his side lifted slowly, brushing away the still falling tears. His hand pulling away moist only to be dried against his jacket before going back for more. He wouldn't scrub at his eyes to make them stop. He would simply pull them away and let them continue their downward path. Crying was the only thing he could do right now.
He could feel the stares as he moved quietly through the streets, heading to where he believed the last Uchiha to be. He only hoped the brunet was at home. If he wasn't, then he would turn to the training fields. He felt he needed to give him the letter he clutched in his hand. He wanted him to have. He'd even gone so far as to write the brunet's name on the outside.
He ignored the dull pain in his side when something was thrown at him. He recognized it to be a small rock. It was always the older generations that tormented him the most. Throwing things at him and cursing him at the same time. His head tilted to one side as another projectile connected hard with his head, leaving a dull throbbing pain in it's wake. He tried his best to ignore their cruel words as he walked, his hang hanging limply at his side once again. He would not give them the satisfaction of knowing that they had hurt him. He would never give them that. He was their scapegoat. Plain and simple. There would never be anything more to it than that.
He felt as though dark clouds of destruction were hanging over his head, and if he looked up they would probably be there. He had admitted his defeat months ago, knowing what his fate would be and calmly accepting it. It was how things were meant to be, and it would remain standing that way.
He felt another sharp pain at the back of his, but did nothing to acknowledge it other than a slight wince. He heard shouting voices, believing they were telling the villagers to stop throwing things at him. He did not thank whoever they were. Not even. Silently. It happened all of the time, and they knew that even if he didn't show it, he was a little grateful for the smidgen of kindness bestowed upon him for that one moment.
It slightly amused him how he hadn't even felt them arrive. He knew the end was near. Well, nearer than it had been a few days ago. He could no longer detect when someone was approaching his location. And when they suddenly appeared in front of him or at his side, he struggled to refrain from jumping or making any other kind of movement of surprise, doing it all within the sanctuary of his deteriorating mind. It was an effect of the illness he had somehow contracted. It was slowly destroying his mind as well as the rest of his body. He already knew most of his major organs were heavily damaged, barely held together by whatever chakra the fox could push into them and keep them together.
It was pure agony, but the blond withheld, hiding his pain from those around them. He did not want them to think they had to worry for him. He didn't deserve. He firmly believed this.
He paused mid step, feeling something inside his body tearing itself apart. He bit back a groan of pain as he felt whatever it was destroying itself do just that, causing more internal bleeding. Why did it have to happen now of all times? He lowered his head further, short bangs falling forward to hide pain filled eyes from those around him.
�What is it this time?� he asked.
�It's your liver again,� the fox replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. He was drawing on his chakra reserves, pushing whatever he could towards the blond's liver in the attempt to keep it together.
Naruto nodded mutely, biting back another groan of pain. He wasn't going to give the villagers the satisfaction of knowing the amount of pain he was currently experiencing.
The fox growled in frustration as he struggled to pull the pieces of the damaged organ back together. Most of it was still intact, but small chunks of it had broken off and managed to drift away from the main body. It was almost as though the pieces were trying to flee from the fox's searching chakra. He tried his best to stop the internal bleeding, but he knew he could only do so much with his limited supply of chakra.
Naruto grimaced upon feeling a sharp stabbing pain inside his body. Kyuubi was forcing his liver back together, and the process was painful. He felt a severe pain as every piece that had separated from his liver was reconnected. Kyuubi was using small, short bursts of chakra to fuse it back together.
The pain finally receded after a few moments and Naruto sighed in relief, silently thanking the fox for his help. There was no response from the now sleeping demon. Every time he had to heal something like that, it exhausted him now. The fox was growing weaker as his vessel did.
The attacks inside his body were becoming more frequent, and often on organs that had been attacked before. This was the third time his liver had started tearing itself apart. The only major organs that had yet to be affected were his heart, lungs and even his brain had been left alone. Those, he knew, would destroy themselves last. His body would continue to destroy everything else until it knew the fox could no longer stop it before any move was made on those remaining three undamaged pieces of him. There was the idea that whatever had happened to him was specifically designed to attack in this way. There was no going back with this. That's how it was now.
He
murmured an apology to an unknown person, having accidentally bumped against their shoulder. The person returned in kind by telling the monster to watch where he was going. Nothing further passed between them as the man hurried off.
Naruto wept. From himself and the fox, he could never hide his pain. He couldn't deny how much it hurt every time he received one of those dirty looks. Every time nasty words were thrown at him, usually followed by random projectiles being hurled at him. Most likely whatever happened to be within arms reach at the moment.
The dull throbbing pain from before was still there, and he knew it wouldn't leave him for some time. The fox no longer had the power to heal even the slightest of wounds. He had to save everything to keep the rest of his body together.
That's simply how it was now. There was no healing, and every little bit of pain was intensified by his body. He was no longer as strong as he was once. His body was weak, and it was dieing.
He sighed softly, feeling that his tears were finally stopping. He lifted his head, wiping the remnants of the tears from his eyes and face, lowering it to dry his hand one last time on his jacket. He had no more tears to cry that day.
When he looked up again, he realized where he was. He was almost to the Uchiha District. He was almost to Sasuke. He let himself smile softly at the realization. He only hoped the brunet really was there.
He shuffled along quietly, finally arriving at the gates that led into the district. He lifted his empty hand and set his palm flat against the dark wood that had been used to construct the gates. He pushed, slowly forcing one of the two doors inward, the hinges creaking at the movement as it slowly opened. He pushed it far enough where he could easily slip through, leaving it open behind him, intending to return that way. He drew away from the wooden door, moving through and entering the Uchiha District.
He
trekked slowly along the nearly unused road, not allowing himself to look upon the vacant buildings that stretched along either side of him. This place had always felt lonely and depressing since the massacre all those years ago.
But at least it wasn't as bad as his own home. There it had always been lonely and depressing. There had never been anything to give it a semblance of happiness and lift the veil that had settled over the place since the day he had moved in. There never could be.
His hand twitched slightly, his head lifting to take in the sight of the main house ahead of him. No smile made its way onto his face at the sight. There was no happiness to be had. He stepped up to the door, hand lifting towards the wooden frame.
He instantly froze when he heard a noise coming from inside, the door suddenly sliding open. His eyes widened at the sight of the pink haired green eyed girl. He didn't think to wonder why she was even there. It didn't matter.
She smiled when she noticed him and said hello. She called his name when he didn't respond, trying to get his attention. After a few moments he let a small smile slip onto his face, lifting his hand and waving slightly, not daring to open his mouth and be able to speak properly.
Sakura called out, telling Sasuke that she would see the both of them later and stepped past him, not sparing the blond a second glance as she left.
Naruto's head shot up, staring at his dark haired crush as he appeared at the inner doorway. He heard him call his name, but he didn't respond. He was losing his nerve.
Slowly he extended his shaking right arm, holding the letter out to him. Sasuke stared at him, unsure of what to make of the situation. Naruto simply smiled at him, urging him to take it. Sasuke shrugged and reached out, taking the letter from his hand, dark eyes never leaving the blond's face. He noticed that smile was simply nothing but a smile. It hadn't been one of the blond's real ones, as it had not reached his eyes. Those blue eyes themselves looked dead and vacant, almost as though he wasn't really there. He didn't have the chance to say anything about it as the blond suddenly released his hold on the letter and turned, hurrying away to leave the brunet standing there staring after him.
He figured something must be wrong for the blond to act as he had.
TBC...
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This is my Goodbye