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Translation	By : MuseMistress Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 859 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-One
- 2-Two
- 3-Three
- 1
- 2
- 3
Chapter 2
Warnings- Anal, oral, blood play, bondage, masochism, yaoi, language, and spoilers galore for the Kakashi-Gaiden arc.

AN- Beware, this gets even more confusing. Last time Kakashi only had one �p.o.v.� right near the end. This time his thoughts are all over the chapter. Read carefully. The only way I can help is by saying that parts written in past tense are from the past and parts written in the present tense are what is happening now, while Kakashi is injured after confronting Itachi on the water.
Nothing is everything
Silence for more than a few minutes nearly drives Gai insane. It�s the primary reason why he doesn�t meditate in spite of the health benefits. He has more stress in his life then he knows what to do with. And right now, he has far too much silence than he knows how to handle.

He borrows a radio from a Raidou, one of Kakashi�s longtime neighbors. Hayate used to live in the hall before he died, two doors from the stairwell. Genma�s moved into his old room temporarily, decorated the place in black and grey. Gai saw him leave as Raidou handed him the radio with a candid inquiring smile, waving half-heartedly to no one.

Raidou slumps boneless against the wall, sighing all the while keeping up pretenses. �He�s really fucked right now,� the dark skinned jounin says as he nodded in the direction of Genma�s disappearance. �Not sleeping still.�

Gai nods. Kakashi�s not sleeping either. He�s also not awake. �I�m sure it�ll pass,� he assures Raidou as best he can as he thinks about Kakashi�s nearly comatose state three doors down. He flirts with the idea of adding another platitude about moving on and time healing wounds, but he can�t bring himself to do it. Shinobi tend to have short life-spans. They die more frequently than not and words don�t make anything better. Neither does time, because someone else is sure to die later on.

He leans his head against the door frame, looking for all the world like a lost child. �Right. It all passes.� He nods at the radio in Gai�s hands. �You can bring that back whenever you want. I don�t listen to it much.�

Gai grins his thanks and promises to give Raidou something in return. He never takes something without giving something in return. Promises are binding and Gai likes to anchor himself firmly in the future. Being with Kakashi makes that hard and twice as vital.

He plugs in the radio and leaves it on the first station that comes in clear. He doesn�t really care what music he listens to just as long as there�s some noise in the room. Kakashi probably wouldn�t stir no matter how loud he turned up the volume, but he keeps it low anyway. Just in case he happens to be conscious enough to hear him. Of course what his parents didn�t know is that Kakashi always heard their after-dinner talks. He kept the hallway light off in an attempt to stay hidden. They would have stopped talking if they found out.

�He should be out playing with kids his own age.� His mother�s voice was just as startling as the plates clinking together in the sink as she washes. Evening had fallen. Kakashi�s ears buzzed with the abrasive croaking of tree frogs and cicadas. �It�s not good for him to just train all the time.�

Sakumo bit into a rice ball and chewed thoughtfully. The villagers all said that Kakashi looked just like Sakumo, a miniature version of Konoha�s White Fang. Sakumo smiled with pride whenever he heard it and ruffled Kakashi�s hair if he was standing close enough. �I thought you were proud of our son, Tsuuke. He�s the youngest ever to make gennin. He�s already infamous. He�ll be a legend just like his old man.�

Kakashi�s heart swelled whenever he heard his father say things like that. It made up for the fact that none of the other kids liked him. What need did he have for a bunch of academy undergraduates when he had the respect of a man like Sakumo?

�I am proud of him. But. . . � Kakashi squelched the feeling of unease building in his stomach. He wasn�t supposed to be listening. He was supposed to be sleeping. He just couldn�t sleep when he knew they were talking about him and Kakashi was their favorite topic of conversation. �But I�m scared for him, Sakumo. He. . .he�s so young. I don�t want him to. . .� she cut herself off by furiously attacking a pan, too frustrated and pained to say what she really wanted to say. �He�s too young.�

Kakashi could fill in the blanks on his own. Most students didn�t graduate from the academy until they were eleven. He was too young to be a genin, too young to see blood, too young to kill. Too young to die.

�You�re a ninja, Tsuuke. You know how things have to be.� They talked the way all shinobi parents talked, remembering their brushes with death and wishing that their sons and daughters could be scholars and doctors and carpenters instead of soldiers in training. �Besides, he�s a smart kid.� Kakashi saw his father�s proud smile through the crack in the door. �He�s smart and he�s talented. He�ll survive.�

Kakashi compressed the urge to jump back. His father seemed to be looking right at him through the crack of the door. Telling him something he�d need to know later on. Kakashi had the distinct impression that this is a moment of time that actually means something as he slinked away to pass the

hours with no noise other than the drone of the radio. Every once in a while Gai recognizes a song. He mouths the words for lack of anything better to do.

He doesn�t know how much more of this he can stand. With Kakashi half-alive and half-dead, Gai feels like he�s at a wake. It doesn�t help that the curtains on the windows are drawn tightly shut, blocking out the sun. It�s the middle of summer, not the dead of the December. The apartment shouldn�t be so cold. He wants Kakashi to wake up. Better yet, he wants to pick him up and take him back to his house where it�s sunny and warm and full of color. There he can put him into the bed they share sometimes, when Kakashi feels like making love instead of just fucking and keep him there until he gets better. Or they can sit out on the porch as Kakashi nursed his swollen ankle.

�Geez, that�s ugly,� Gai commented as he handed Kakashi a block of ice wrapped in a towel. Kakashi had pulled his pants up just enough to expose the heated skin to the cooler air of the evening. �It looks like someone took a sledgehammer to it.�

�You�re sweet,� Kakashi said with his practiced blithe brevity. �You always know just what to say.�

He sat down beside Kakashi, crossing his legs at the ankles. Kakashi shifted slightly to put a little more distance between them. Gai didn�t fail to notice, but also didn�t say anything. Kakashi chose to spend some time on Gai�s porch instead of going home, and that was enough for him even if Kakashi wouldn�t mention why. �Well, if it helps, it�s a pretty shade of purple. It�s kind of like eggplant.�

Kakashi nodded far too sagely for an eight year old. �So my ankle is a vegetable.�

In moments like that Gai understood where Kakashi�s nickname among the chuunin and jounin came from. The Hatake brat. That barbed tongue and his unnerving talent had older shinobi scrambling for a device to ward of the threat of the little boy who was too small to fit into a regulation vest. But Gai didn�t hate him for it. He was used to it. To him, it sounded like a joke.

�How did that happen, anyway? Did you fall or something?�

Kakashi sent a withering glare his way, visually berating him for having the gall to suggest that he did something as trivial as trip and fall down to incur an injury. Gai smiled as innocuously as he knew how convincingly. Kakashi seemed to like him better when he pretended not to pick up on things. �I had a run-in with a cliff,� he said simply. �On the run from an assailant.�

There was a brief pause between them as Gai processed the information. �So you did fall?� Gai said finally.

�Off of a cliff.� He scowled before closing his eyes to Gai and the not so gentle throb of his ankle. He was lucky he didn�t break something after falling forty feet. �It�s not the same as tripping.�

Gai made genin one year after Kakashi made chuunin. He had yet to fall off a cliff and looking at the engorged ankle covered by ice, he was absolutely certain that he would have to one day. He just hoped he�d walk away from it with something as minor as a twisted ankle like Kakashi had. Did he perform some amazing chakra manipulating feat of acrobatics to come away with such a small injury? Or was Kakashi just gifted with as much luck as he was skill? He didn�t understand the other reason Kakashi had earned himself the Hatake brat. He was good at his job. It shouldn�t matter how young he was as long as performed as well, better even, than some shinobi twice his age. Gai�s sense of justice prevented him from seeing the other side of the story. �I�m proud of you, you know,�

Kakashi looked up at him, clearly startled. It was early April and the breeze was strong, so strong that Gai couldn�t hear Kakashi breathe. His hair lifted up just enough so that Gai could see the thin arches of his eyebrows. �You�re proud of me? Why?�

Gai grinned at him so earnestly that Kakashi almost laughed at the absurdity. �Isn�t that obvious? You�re an amazing shinobi. I want to match your skill one day, Kakashi-san. Maybe even surpass you. Wouldn�t that be something?�

That certainly would be something. Kakashi was far too much of a realist to consider the declaration anything more than a fantasy, but it would definitely be something. He�d probably even like it if that were to happen, just to shut everyone up about his goddamned potential for a minute.

�Don�t call me Kakashi-san,� he instructed briskly. �You're older than I am.�

�Right then. Is Kakashi-kun okay?�

Kakashi stared at him levelly. His mother called him that, usually when she�s fussing over him or glaring and cursing at his father. He�d never tell his mother, because she�s his mother and they don�t like hearing things like that, but he can�t stand being called Kakashi-kun. Besides, he never has been big on honorifics, even if most people think it�s rude. �Just Kakashi.�

�Ah,� Gai affirmed as he pushed renegade strands of black hair out of his face. He needed a haircut. �I guess that makes me just Gai, then?�

Kakashi didn�t know what that made Gai, but he was willing to settle. �Yeah. You�re just Gai.�

Gai grinned coyly and knocked him in the shoulder playfully. Kakashi glared, an action which went wholly unnoticed by Gai. �And when I beat you one day, you�ll have to call me Gai-san.�

The ice was finally starting to take effect on his ankle, the pain numbing drastically. �Dream on, Gai,� he said back, knowing full well that he would do just that. Gai was full of dreams. Kakashi�s dreams involved a lot of blood. He was envious of Gai�s dreams, just a little. His dreams lately (if he can really call them dreams since Kakashi isn�t sure whether he�s awake or not) are full of more or less the same. It strikes him as funny that so little has changed in spite of how much has changed. Gai is probably the one in the room with him. He�d be disappointed if it�s for some reason not, but he�s pretty sure it must be him. Gai isn�t one to break years of tradition on a whim and no one else would sleep on his bedroom floor waiting for him to get better.

He wills something to move, even just his finger, so that he knows he�s still alive. He�s just too tired and everything aches too much to do anything. The radio is the only thing anchoring him to a state of semi-awareness. Because the radio means Gai is there. He has to be.

Gai pauses as Kakashi draws a somewhat less shallow breath. He�s stupid enough (because he�s always stupid when it comes to Kakashi) to let himself think that maybe something won�t be a struggle for once. That maybe he�ll just wake up on his own and Gai won�t have to take him to the hospital to see Tsunade. He shivers at the phantom smell of hospitals creeping under him skin and refuses to dislodge. The whole house smelled like it before Gai ever learned of the supposed secret.

He knew his mother was dying before his father told him. She�d been dying for years. He could tell by the steady stream of doctors in and out of the house. And that smell: Clinical, cold, anti-bacterial death that couldn�t be banished by opening windows.

He refused to be negative about it however. She�d been stubbornly clinging to life for the past two years, so there was no reason to give up now as far as Gai was concerned. Whenever anyone asked in that hushed voice filled to the brim with pity Gai can�t stand because he knew she was going to make it, he smiled and gave them all thumbs-ups. A thumb to the sky and everything will be okay. He had to believe that.

The only part about it all that really hurt was knowing that no one else believed it. They sent flowers that belonged on grave stones and Gai was tempted to pitch them out the window before she ever saw them. Instead he dutifully put them in a vase with water and set them on the table next to her bed so that in a few days the smell of rose and medication would mix together in a sickly-sweet and bitter scent that smacked him in the face.

Whenever she woke up, he gave her a thumbs-up and a smile for good luck. In those moments Gai was even more certain that she�d make it in the end. He still has to believe that he can fix what is broken, looking down at Kakashi�s rigidly prone form. He gives him the thumbs up even though he can�t see, mostly because he doesn�t know what else to do. Kakashi would appreciate the gesture if he could see it. He shows his appreciation with eye rolls and dismissive hand waves, but just the fact that he�s never reached out and broken his thumb lets him know that he has permission.

�I wish you�d wake up,� Gai says as he perches on the bed. �I know you hate hospitals just as much as I do.� Having Lee in the hospital for so long nearly killed his resolve. Watching the people you love struggle for life has never been Gai�s favorite pastime. He goes because he�d hate himself if he didn�t, but he�s always glad when it�s over. �I�ll have to take you if you don�t come out of this on your own.�

Kakashi doesn�t answer, but that�s nothing new. All Gai can hope is that Kakashi�s stubbornness will be a blessing instead of a curse for once. He leans over, planting one hand on either side of Kakashi�s narrow waist. He�s deceivingly small under the bulk on the jounin vest and roomy pants, to the point where Gai sometimes thinks he could snap a bone in his arm with ease. Of course, that�s Kakashi�s fault, not wanting to be treated like he could break when all evidence is to the contrary. He�s probably broken one hundred times over only to put himself back together again in ways only Kakashi can think of.

For the hundredth time, Gai toys with the idea of pulling his mask down. Kakashi doesn�t look like he can breathe with the cloth up around his nose. He never has. But then again, Kakashi never took overly deep breaths. He never did a lot of things that most people did. Gai knows exactly when his birthday is but they don�t celebrate it. Their anniversary either, though Gai can pinpoint the exact hour on the exact day it happened. They don�t even acknowledge it. They pretended nothing had happened, not that Kakashi could even look Gai in the eyes when he walked into the hospital room. Gai was the second person at the hospital. Kakashi�s mother was the first. He got there just as he woke up to discover that the mask, which had become a permanent feature on his face over the past month, was missing. Gai�s just relieved that he didn�t need help breathing.

�Where�s my mom?� Kakashi asked quietly, his hand curling around his lips and chin protectively.

Gai covered his discomfort with a broad smile, determined not to tell him that his mother is pretty much having a nervous breakdown in the waiting room. �She�s in the cafeteria getting food.� He frowned. �You can move your hand, Kakashi. I know what your face looks like.�

Kakashi didn�t comply, which put Gai on edge for some reason. It wasn�t like Kakashi even really listened to him, but they both seemed to be teetering on the edge of something Gai couldn�t comprehend. He was sure that Kakashi had frayed a little bit more, and the bottom seemed really far away. He did and didn�t want to know if the injury was an accident just like Kakashi did and didn�t want to know why it was Gai was lying to him. The problem was, they both already knew the answers. And Gai was mad at Kakashi for doing that to him, making him worry so damn much. Kakashi just stared up at the ceiling and wondered why the meaning of life didn�t bother to flash before his eyes.

Look what you did, dad, Kakashi whispered to himself as those dirty strands of guilt that he can�t bear to assign bounce around his skull. Look what you fucking went and did.

Gai leans close, deigning it appropriate to brush a kiss over his sweaty forehead. Then, because it�s not like Kakashi can stop him at this point, he curls up in the bed like he used to do when he was little, body settling into all of Kakashi�s slight curves. He puts a hand over his chest to feel the almost imperceptible rise and fall. Nothing at all like their after sex ritual when breath runs ragged and Gai can hear Kakashi�s half-delirious moans long after they�ve finished. As his finger moves down to the exposed sliver of stomach between his shirt and his pants, he wonders why he couldn�t have picked a lover who wants the same things he wants, a house, a dog, warm dinners.

His skin is slightly cold, just like the apartment.
TBC

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